SLATE PITCHES  11:22 am April 12, 2012

Catholic League’s Bill Donohue Explainers: Catholics Are Against Adoption Now

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Grumpy old manGod bless Bill Donohue, always striding forth and grandly opening his warbly old yap and letting the most insanely bigotty shit spill forth. Remember that time he was on Scarborough Country, going on and on about Hollywood and “the Jews” and then got a helpful assist from copanelist Jennifer Giroux who said, “I’m sorry but we cannot go back and make it that the Hawaiians killed Christ.” Yeah, we do! So this time — you may have heard? — all the Mommy Blogs are warblogging with all the other Mommy Blogs, and Bill Donohue, head of the fringe rightwing group the Catholic League, twatted this: “Lesbian Dem Hilary Rosen tells Ann Romney she never worked a day in her life. Unlike Rosen, who had to adopt kids, Ann raised 5 of her own.” FUCK YOU, ADOPTIVE PARENTS! Bill Donohue has some thoughts on your abnormal life and ways!

This is apparently a Fringey Catholic thing now — two weeks ago, an archdiocese high school presentation in Minnesota said sort of the same thing (plus added in that extra frisson of man-on-dog):

A priest and a volunteer couple presented the information. When someone asked a question about two men being able to have a quality, committed relationship, the couple compared their love to bestiality, Bliss said.

“Most people got really upset,” said Bliss. “And comments about adopted kids, I found those to be really offensive. There were at least four kids there who are adopted.”

Hannah, who is adopted, said one of the presenters said that adopted kids were “sociologically unstable.” She called the comments “hurtful” and comparisons between gay love and bestiality upsetting.

So Catholics are against adoption now, apparently. Sorry, all you knocked-up Mississippi teens out there, guess you will just have to get your mandatory Girl Scout abortions now. Chop chop! [NewCivilRightsMovement]

 
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{ 184 comments }

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 11:24 am

Donahue is the kind of Catholic that blames the children for getting molested by the pedophile priests

Deportably_Jose April 12, 2012 at 11:29 am

Actually, he blames the gays and the hippies, because liberalism forced the priests to molest children, by existing. This is a literal truth.

ETA:OH WAIT, he DID kinda implicitly blame the children for getting molested, come to think of it.

Fare la Volpe April 12, 2012 at 12:32 pm

That's what those kids get for being too sexy. Sluts.

a_pink_poodle April 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm

That's what those kids get for being under 18 years old!

ChurchofRealism April 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

As a reformed Catholic, if Bill Donohue were on fire, I wouldn't piss him out.

CthuNHu April 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

But if he wasn't on fire, you'd hose him down in a second.

DemmeFatale April 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Bill Donahue and the Catholic League is what the term "phone booth crowd" was invented for.

Barb April 12, 2012 at 11:26 am

I'm sure Brad and Angie will just adopt the rest of the children right after they are through rebuilding New Orleans and all will be right with the world.

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 11:40 am

Aren't those two living in sin??? Or is a "trial marriage"?

nounverb911 April 12, 2012 at 11:27 am

"Girl Scout abortions"
Is that a new cookie?

Maman April 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

Samoas? That is like a shredded egg, i.e. an abortion

UnholyMoses April 12, 2012 at 11:35 am

THIN MINTS ARE FETUS!

VaWyo April 12, 2012 at 11:54 am

The peanut butter cookies must also be fetus. They didn't taste as good this year.

UnholyMoses April 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm

They must be using a much lower quality of fetus to save some money.

It's a shame, really …

DaRooster April 12, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Probably from Asia.

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 2:23 am

Essentially.

Goonemeritus April 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

If he keeps this shit up a couple of hard-hitting Franciscans are going to have to throw this guy a beating.

DemmeFatale April 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm

And the Jesuits. They don't like this kind of crap at all.

hagajim April 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

Who in the fuck is any Catholic to talk shit about the gheyz when their own priesthood has been banging little boys for fucking years (or maybe centuries). I hate it when these sanctomonious pricks start blathering their bullshit.

SorosBot April 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

No maybe about it; it has been going on for many, many centuries; they just managed to hush it up until recent decades.

BerkeleyBear April 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

Well, if you call being immortalized for pederasty in every era from Dante's to the present (and before that there was none of this bullshit about strictly enforcing that celibacy crap – what else are papal dispensations for, after all?) hushing it up.

Seriously, the amazing thing is that the Catholic Church briefly convinced people that priests humping boys was somehow a 20th century problem and not a feature of the system set up 1000 years ago or so.

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2012 at 12:03 pm

1000 years? I heard Plato was boinking his underling students before anyone ever heard of Jesus. The Catholics didn't invent this stuff, they just gave it a perfect framework to let it grow in.

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 2:24 am

Well, that's kind of the point. They took the thing to an instutional level.

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 11:50 am

But how could that be, when we all* know it was 60s hippies that forced the priests to bugger those boys.

* all of us called Bill Donahue who are raging assholes running organizations dedicated to spewing the most loathesome shit imaginable 24/7, that is.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 12, 2012 at 11:47 am

Bill Donohue is the sort of person who gives pederasty a bad name.

gurukalehuru April 12, 2012 at 12:03 pm

From the beginning, I'd guess. Do you think it's a coincidence that the church was founded by St. PETER?

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

Needz moar infantacide!

SexySmurf April 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

Bill Donohue is probably tired of his kids asking him every five minutes if they were adopted.

LesBontemps April 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

Bill Donohue is probably tired of his kids hopefully asking him every five minutes if they were adopted.

/fixed.

ManchuCandidate April 12, 2012 at 11:29 am

One thing the hardliners in the Catholic church will always be pro for is for pederasts.

LastGasp April 12, 2012 at 12:24 pm

By "hardliners" do you mean priests with a hard-on? Sorry, but that's just the first thing that popped into my head.

Maman April 12, 2012 at 11:29 am

Well then that will solve the problem for Catholic Charities in Illinois…. No point worrying about letting singles and gays adopt when they are just damaged goods to begin with….

JackDempsey1 April 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

I am a Catholic with adopted kids.
Should I publicly shame myself? Or will the local padre send someone over to do it for me? So many goddamn rules.

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 11:34 am

I know of a Sister Dom-inatrix that does good work. Pricey though.

Limeylizzie April 12, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Hair Shirt and a public flogging.

Allmighty_Manos April 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

If too many orphans find homes, who will the Church find to slave in its laundries or practice castration procedures on?

BornInATrailer April 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

This really just represents taking crazy to the logical conclusion.

If you are against contraception AND abortion, why not throw adoption onto the pile as well?

miss_grundy April 12, 2012 at 10:13 pm

But these are the same people who believe in the primacy of the infant over the mother in cases of life and death. So, if you are choosing the life of the child over the mother and the child is then left as an orphan, then the child doesn't deserve a second chance at a good home? So, is this what Jesus would do?????? I'm so glad I gave up Roman Catholicism on Good Friday for the Episcopal church. At least they aren't as crazy.

DaRooster April 12, 2012 at 11:32 am

So now we should hate people that try to help children by giving them a roof over their heads and some love? Next time I see someone with adopted kids I will kick them in the teeth and drop the kids off out in the woods…

Sounds good Assholes!

GunToting[Redacted] April 14, 2012 at 10:23 am

Um… Romulus and Remus libel?

BornInATrailer April 12, 2012 at 11:32 am

Dave Thomas libel!

Rosie_Scenario April 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm

And Steve Jobs, also too.

Guppy April 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Where will Wendy's PAC money be going to this year?

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 11:32 am

Your move, Michele Bachmann.

mavenmaven April 12, 2012 at 11:33 am

Didn't Catholic God give up his son to be raised by an unwed mother?

Pragmatist2 April 12, 2012 at 11:58 am

Tough technical question here. Is a woman in an unconsummated marriage we'd or unwed???

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 12:02 pm

That her story and she's sticking to it.

sharethegrief April 12, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Mary conceived in Arizona.

Oblios_Cap April 12, 2012 at 12:12 pm

God plied her with wine coolers.

ChernobylSoup April 12, 2012 at 11:34 am

"who had to adopt kids" has got to be the meanest, most unholy thing anyone could say to a parent. Especially a mother. This person is on the express train to the lowest depths of hell.

BerkeleyBear April 12, 2012 at 11:45 am

Especially since for all we know Hillary Rosen could have gone the turkey baster route and chose to adopt (ie actually reducing the world's population problems, unlike the litters of kids Mormons and Catholics are expected to produce).

DaRooster April 12, 2012 at 12:30 pm

No shit…
Every year I get Christmas cards with photos from my sisters and all I can think about is "QUIT HAVING KIDS!"

yrbmegr April 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm

And, as we all now know, "raising kids" excludes "adopting". So "raising" means the same thing as "conceiving". Let's see how that works.

Uhhh.

RAISE YOU, BILL DONOHUE!

Doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

Lucidamente1 April 12, 2012 at 11:34 am

Jews? Adoption? I know why Donohue blew a fuse:

http://redroom.com/member/frank-sanello/writing/a

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 11:45 am

There's a movie.
Mel Gibson?

MarionNYNY April 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I just got back from a vacation in Italy where we visited the Hebrew Museum located in the main Rome synagogue. We heard the story. The good news is, the backlash ended papal control of Rome and Jews were no longer confined to the ghetto. The bad news of course was fascism and deportation to the camps a few decades later.

UnholyMoses April 12, 2012 at 11:34 am

Actually, the adoption hatred makes sense.

After all, it's probably much easier for him to molest foster kids, rather than adopted ones, as you can have a steady rotation of fresh meat.

Either that, or these fuckers are just plain evil. Either one.

Deportably_Jose April 12, 2012 at 11:39 am

"Either"?

UnholyMoses April 12, 2012 at 11:41 am

Yeah, okay.

Both.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 11:35 am

If all the orphans get adopted, who will populate the workhouses?

edgydrifter April 12, 2012 at 11:35 am

So you can't get an abortion, and you can't put the kid up for adoption, and you sure as hell can't raise it as single mother (SIN!!)… Seriously, what's the solution here? Leave the baby on a windswept crag? Keep it in a cage until it can be trained to pick through trash heaps for recyclable metal? Snark OFF–Bill Donohue can suck my hairy ass. And Pope Ratzi can, too.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 11:39 am

"Seriously, what's the solution here?"

I think the overall message coming from these people to the rest of humanity is "Stop Fucking."

anniegetyerfun April 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm

More accurately: Stop fucking wimminz (ew!), start buggering kids. This message has been brought to you by The Vatican.

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 2:30 am

The logic fails when you realize that fucking wimmenz leads to kids that can be buggered.

OMG, I think I'm going to throw up. Look at what they are doing to us.

SorosBot April 12, 2012 at 11:40 am

The woman has to get married to the man who knocked her up, of course; it doesn't matter if he's a complete stranger or abusive or whatever, once his sperm goes in her she's his property.

Fare la Volpe April 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Put him in a basket of reeds and float him down the river.

He'll wind up King of Egypt – you'll see.

Biff April 12, 2012 at 12:56 pm

My grandmother showed me the stakes on the beach at Ross Bay where they used to chain unwanted dogs and cats at low tide, perhaps there could be a resurrection of this practice?

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2012 at 11:35 am

Bill Donohue, head of the fringe rightwing group the Catholic League,

I've been told that group consists just mainly of him, himself.

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 11:35 am

FFS, Catholic assholes. Your "Moses" was adopted. Your entire RELIGION borrows from a.k.a. adopts a shit-ton from external influences, from Old Testament-documented Babylonian captivity to militant/ masochist Saul-Paul in the New Testament. Go dig around in your own turf some if you want to piss on someone for being an iconoclast — the Scripture is full of 'em which is just about the *only* manner in which it actually resembles the Real World.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 11:38 am

Ahh, but Moses was a Jew.

proudgrampa April 12, 2012 at 11:48 am

Funny, he didn't LOOK Jewish.

anniegetyerfun April 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Now that you mention it, the guy was kind of nuts. Maybe we should outlaw adoption?

larryfinexx April 12, 2012 at 11:36 am

Who has more footwear, the Pope or Imelda Marcos?

Fare la Volpe April 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Imelda would murder for half the Gucci and Prada that Il Papa has floating around his closet.

Arken April 12, 2012 at 11:36 am

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times… what the world needs more of is orphanages run by priests.

Mahousu April 12, 2012 at 11:36 am

Birth control? Nope.
Abortion? No way!
Adoption? Pathetic.
Welfare for the teen mom? You have got to be kidding me!
What's left then, deportation? Now you're talking!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 12, 2012 at 11:38 am

Always been mystified how sexless men can dictate sex policy.

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2012 at 11:47 am

It's like going to a priest for marriage counseling. Take it for what it's worth.

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Honestly, if they won't agree to become eunuchs, they should be excommunicated.

Gratuitous World April 12, 2012 at 11:39 am

at least this is only the figurative fucking of children.

iburl April 12, 2012 at 11:43 am

don't be so sure.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 11:39 am

How come if so-called "white people" did something to browns 200 years ago (or yesterday, as the case may be), there is no such thing as "collective guilt", but if some Jews 2,000 years ago said, "meh, go ahead" when the Romans wanted to kill Jesus, all Jews have to suck it up and accept the blame for all eternity?

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2012 at 11:50 am

Actually it was an inside job. The Pharisees (Jewish Mafia, religious branch) wanted Jesus offed. The Romans had to be cajoled into being their enablers.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 11:53 am

I hear God himself did it, which is apparently news to Jew-hating Ultra-Catholics.

MosesInvests April 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

No snark here. it was the *Saducees*, the Temple Priests who sent Jesus off to the Romans to be murdered. The High Priest in those times was appointed by the Romans, and tasked with keeping the Jews quiet and the tax money flowing to Rome. IOW, a puppet ruler. The Romans put Jesus to death for rebellion. Crucifixion was how non-citizens were put to death for rebellion, which is reinforced by the fact that he was crucified between two "thieves". The actual word in Greek was not "kleptoi" but "lestoi", *bandits*, which is what the Romans called rebels. And BTW, Jews at that time absolutely did have the authority to put people to death for religious crimes. This was collaborators handing off a suspected insurrectionist to the occupying army. I could go on about the illegal night trial (on a major holiday, yet!), but I won't.

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 12:10 pm

When Pilate saw that he could not prevail at all, but rather that a tumult was rising, he took water and washed his hands and said, “I am innocent of the blood of this Just person. You see to it.” And all the people answered and said, “His blood be upon us and on our children.” (Matthew 27:24–25)

That was dictated by God himself to his tape recorder Matthew. Or so I hear.

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 12:22 pm

his tape recorder Matthew

Yet remember, manuscripts don't burn.

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Ooooh – good one.

Since we're on the subject of the Master and Marguerita, I thought I'd pass on (no snark, this is true) that I cannot look at Baldar T. Flagass's avatar without thinking of the demonic cat Behemoth from that novel.

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I took a while to get used to BTF's avatar, it was so unsettling.
M&M would be, at any given moment if asked, my desert-island novel of choice — or at least in the top five. I can't explain, even to myself, the mysterious effect that singularly brilliant, thoughtful, layered, magic-realist story has on me.

swordfis April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Do you and Chichikovich make up a Russian lit department somewhere?

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

No — the title being discussed is (for me) the only modern Russian novel I've read, & I think I've made clear what a grip it has on my imagination so I'll stop there. In fact I had earlier replied to Chich to elaborate further — but I set off the spamfilter and/or the Edits' got tired of reading about it, b/c that reply got deleted!

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Well, besides how laughable that "all the people" quote is, how come the Jews get no credit with Jew-Hating Ultra-Catholics for being the majority of the Early Church?

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Lies! The early Church was made up of Good Christians from Nebraska. Why else would the New Testament be written in English?

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Well I'm confused. Didn't the Jews give Jesus a hero's welcome into Jerusalem with palms along the path? How come the Jews collectively turned around a week later and said, "All of us want Jesus dead, you got a problem, talk to our children's children"?

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Hmmmm…. yes, that's a tough one. God wants to challenge us….

Maybe it's like when everybody in Boston loved Bill Buckner, until, you know….

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

But, yes, the blood-soaked history of the use of that passage from Matthew is one of human history's greatest disgraces. Shouldn't snark on this topic without emphasizing that I'm not intending to make light of that.

swordfis April 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

As they say, where there are two Jews there are three opinions.

A rescue party arrives at an island with one castaway. He shows them what he's done – he's built two synagogues. "This one I go to; that one I wouldn't set foot in."

miss_grundy April 12, 2012 at 10:30 pm

It wasn't the collective Jews, just the Saducees and the Pharisees, who didn't like that he was messing with their business by talking smack. After all, he was preaching love and understanding and the other guys were preaching fire and brimstone. How were they going to keep the coffers filled with money if everybody starts following the new rabbi? So, they had to take him out. And so, along with sheeple, they got the Romans to kill him. Also, the Pharisees and the Saducees wanted the Messiah to whip Roman ass and the rabbi was too much of a peaceful dude and nothing like the bad-ass they wanted.

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Well, sure, the Jews killed Christ, but what have they done for us lately?

yrbmegr April 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

And why are they still mad about it? Wasn't the death (and resurrection) of Jesus sort of the whole point?

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

It's almost as if some people developed Anti-Semitic bigotry and then retconned it into the Bible to justify themselves.

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Hmmm …. Yes, yes that could be….

Wait! Do you think all that the places in the Gospels where uncannily specific details of Jesus' life correspond to Old Testament prophesies might have been stuck in after the fact too?

Steverino247 April 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Catholics are just envious of the Jews because they can't run a bank without having a major scandal/crisis every few years.

deanbooth April 12, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Chet, your question has things backwards. The hate comes first, then the explanation for it.

freakishlywrong April 12, 2012 at 11:40 am

These dress wearing pedophiles need to pay taxes.

jodyleek April 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Amen.

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 11:42 am

The wingnuts on HuffyPo (I know, I should just give up on that site) were eating the Rosen story up last night. Don't even want to imagine their reaction to this crap…

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2012 at 11:43 am

Some of you will be heartened to know that among the very few Catholics that are even aware of this ninny's existence, most wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire.

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 11:43 am

Catholics, who operate the nation's biggest network of adoption agencies, are now against adoption.

Isn't it time the phrase "self-hating Catholic" came to eclipse the more commonly heard alternative mentioning a different religious group?

BTW, I'm feeling particularly nauseous right now, because I made the epic mistake of starting to read that Scarborough Country transcript. Bleurgh! If ever I need an emetic, I know where to turn.

iburl April 12, 2012 at 11:45 am

Adoption only decreases the pool of church victims in the orphanage, so I can see why this perv would be against it.

johnnyzhivago April 12, 2012 at 11:46 am

Arrrgghhh…. And I was sure that TODAY was the day America would get it's shit together and stop acting like a nation of assholes.

DaRooster April 12, 2012 at 11:49 am

Barkeep, I'll have some of what Johnny is havin'!

anniegetyerfun April 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

My husband, who has been working his tail off, came home last night in a foul mood and started complaining about legislation in Tennessee that allows teachers to challenge climate change. He was all freaking out, and I was, like, "Dude, that's probably the SMARTEST thing Tennessee has done in a while. Don't you realize what kind of a fucked up nation we are in?" And then we stopped speaking for the rest of the night, and I didn't get any. The end.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

If the Wingnut Mania is keeping your husband from giving you some (and wanting some!), the shit is really deep out there!

Schmannnity April 12, 2012 at 11:47 am

Hawaiians didn't kill the Lord; they killed Jack Lord.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 11:51 am

Nail him up, Dan-o.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm

You know, on the New Hawaii 5-0, Hawaii doesn't look very glamorous at all. It looks like Arkansas with palm trees.

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 11:51 am

Thanks. Coffee sprayed.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 11:52 am

Let me borrow your squeegee when you're done.

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 11:59 am
Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 2:39 am

They also killed off Jack Shepherd, but that's a whole other story.

WhatTheHeck April 12, 2012 at 11:47 am

Catholic god has a confuze.

Texan_Bulldog April 12, 2012 at 11:48 am

For some reason Father Flanagan & Boys Town comes to mind…

STFU Bill.

proudgrampa April 12, 2012 at 11:51 am

He demonstrates the need for retroactive abortion.

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 11:54 am

Didn't the Liberals kill Christ?

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Not yet. They killed Christmas, by saying "Happy Holidays" a lot. But you know that was just to get warmed up.

Beowoof April 12, 2012 at 11:55 am

Bill is running the Catholic League from a room in his Mom's basement. He is the only member of the League you ever see out promoting his Bullshit and I bet when he isn't promoting the League, he is jerking off to guys in funny hats who live in Rome.

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I bet when he isn't promoting the League, he is jerking off to guys in funny hats who live in Rome.

FIFY. I mean, he had to get official recognition somehow.

Jus_Wonderin April 12, 2012 at 11:57 am

Which conference does the Catholic League play in? Or, am I totally off base and it is an '80s band?

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I think they play in the same division as the (wait for it…) Cardinals.

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 12:12 pm

And they wear the same uniforms as the Penguins.

Biff April 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I thought that was just their cheerleaders?

DaRooster April 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Padres?

An_Outhouse April 12, 2012 at 11:59 am

Everyone knows the real work involved with raising kids is the part where you spread your legs. That aspirin is like super glue.

anniegetyerfun April 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

If your vagina is still relatively intact while you are in your fifties, it doesn't matter how many rugrats you have raised in your home – you're not a REAL mother.

el_donaldo April 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Great idea, Jennifer Giroux. My time machine is almost complete. I'm going to go back in time, arm those Hawaiians, and dump them in the holy land, circa 33 A.D. Take some weight off those Jews.

VaWyo April 12, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I read a story online a few months ago about a guy in Europe who wanted to be unbaptized. I think there might have even been a court case. Anyway, is that option available to us in the US? That seems like something fun to do.

ph7 April 12, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I'm willing to skip the un-baptism thing if I can just get my foreskin back.

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

How do they do that, exactly? With a blowdryer?

culchiewoman April 12, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Yes, VaWyo, you can. Through your local diocese. You basically have your baptism nullified and more or less have yourself declared a heretic. The questions that went along with the process weren't as painful as the Inquisition, and luckily, no thumbscrews or papal pears were involved.

ph7 April 12, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Over? Did you say "over"? Was it over when the Hawaiians nailed Jesus to the cross?

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

An adoption is a sad story with a happy ending. Shame on you Bill Donohue.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 12, 2012 at 12:08 pm

It should be noted that "The Catholic League" is an organization that appears to consist of Bill Donohue.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 12:10 pm

"The League of Extraordinary Gentleman."

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm

You'd think that by now the Catholic Church's PR department would have run the numbers and had Bill whacked.

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The Hawaiians did Pearl Harbor!!1!

VaWyo April 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I think that means Obama cannot be president.

Oblios_Cap April 12, 2012 at 12:11 pm

one of the presenters said that adopted kids were “sociologically unstable.”

At least I've got an excuse now, having been adopted myself. What's Donahue's?

Fare la Volpe April 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

According to him, he wasn't pretty enough to be molested. He feels left out.

OneYieldRegular April 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Me too. Maybe we were once in the same sociologically unstable family before being split up to go to other sociologically unstable families.

Oblios_Cap April 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

My sister & I were adopted in DC in 1958. Makes for hours of irresponsible & fun specualtion.

Naked_Bunny April 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

He's devoutly Catholic.

swordfis April 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Shouldn't the press have noted that the phrase "sociologically unstable" is meaningless drivel?

culchiewoman April 12, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I'll go one better: at least I was born a bastard. What's Bill's excuse?

fuflans April 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm

the current crop of catholics is making the borgias look enlightened.

DerrickWildcat April 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I may not know very many people, but the few dicks I know, look a lot like that guy.

Fare la Volpe April 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

You should get a urologist to look at that.

WiscDad April 12, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Uhh…am I the only one that finds this article kind of rambly and kind of morning martini whimsical?

LiveToServeYa April 12, 2012 at 12:19 pm

It is outrageous vitriol to scorn a woman because her womb has not been blessed with fruit. Unlike, say, Shawna-the-Sexy-Vegan for example, who seems to have both fruit and vegetables, but never mind. Fruit of the Womb idiocy. Whatever.

yrbmegr April 12, 2012 at 12:27 pm

It seems counter-existential for Catholics to be mad that somebody killed Christ.

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Remember, if it weren't' for capital punishment we wouldn't have Easter.

Deportably_Jose April 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

So, I guess that really just leaves infanticide.

Which, fortunately enough, comes heavily endorsed by the Bible

SpiderCrab April 12, 2012 at 12:28 pm

In a better America, now long gone, haters like Donohue were permitted to mount their soapboxes, but they were not permitted to pollute the airwaves. Because the WWII generation understood something now forgotten: that if you provide an infrastructure for fascism, then fascism you will get.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Eh — I still fully support Donohue's right to speak his itty bitty little mind, if only because fighting one form of authoritarianism with another never works. I do, however, also support the right of the indignant populace to shout him down whenever he opens his yap in defense of thousands of years of corruption, hypocrisy and pedophilia.

Terry April 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Personally, I think at the world headquarters of the Catholic League, conveniently located in Donohue's basement is infected with a heavy dose of mold in the walls and it's affected his brain.

Kudos to Wonkette for not describing Donohue as a representative of the Catholic Church. The Church has enough problems without throwing him on to the top of the pile like a foul rotting cherry.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Hannah said students were anxious when they heard about the program and were suspicious because only seniors were required to go. "We put two and two together," said Hannah. "All of us will be able to vote next fall [on the constitutional amendment that limits marriage to same-sex couples]."

Okay, it's time the IRS took some action on the Catholic Church's tax-free status — those motherfuckers have been hoarding their wealth to no apparent good for far too long, and now they apparently think they're above the law.

anniegetyerfun April 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Well, lord knows how easy the process of adopting children is. It's like they just show up on your doorstep one day, happy and healthy and never having dealt with any abuse, and it's super cheap. Christ, it's the easiest task in the world, adopting kids.

MaxNeanderthal April 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Oh, absolutely. As an adoptive father of two, it's absolutely piss-easy. I feel rolling out of a canoe is a task of Sisyphean proportions by comparison.
You limp little Cock, Doughnuthue. Why don't you go and sodomise yourself backwards with a 20 foot bargepole, you ugly, stupid, ignorant, evil, pathetic, wanker. Go and jerk off over your Ronnie Raygun pictures and shut your foul mouth.
Arsewipe.

DahBoner April 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm

You would think a large, global organization run by closeted pedophiles would see the "need" for adoption???

owhatever April 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I am not adopted, but about as socially unstable as you can be. I think we ought to start a Talk Like a Pope Day, on which we wear pointy hats, prom gowns and spout Latin-sounding phrase. Awwrk!

SaintRond April 12, 2012 at 1:20 pm

He's just trying to say that if it wasn't for the Church, human beings would be butt fucking cats and dogs in the street.

Makes sense to me. Does it make sense to you?

DahBoner April 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Jesus would often go to church as a child and argue with those assholes, until he realized how batshit crazy they were.

Then he was like, fuck that shit, if I want to pray, I'll climb a mountain and pray to rocks and scraggly trees…

Guppy April 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Last week, the Catholics attacked the destitute. This week is the orphans' turn, while next week will be dedicated to bad-mouthing widows.

a_pink_poodle April 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Kid piddling still okay though!

Antispandex April 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm

So…no abortion, no adoption, no government assistance. I'm assuming, since the scandals, we aren't just raising up sex toys for the celibates (anymore), so….Soilent Green?

Naked_Bunny April 12, 2012 at 2:29 pm

They call it Last Rites Bites. Yum.

Naked_Bunny April 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Seems to me it was the Romans who killed Christ. So, by extension, it was the Pope.

Naked_Bunny April 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm

So Catholics are against adoption now, apparently.

Let's just cut to the core of the matter and say that Catholics are now against anything that reduces human suffering or indignity.

wolvenwood13 April 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Adoptees are "socialogically unstable"? WTF? What does that even mean? Are the conservatives TRYING to offend as many people as possible? I'm adopted and I'm very stable, only been in the crazy hatch 12 times. I'm feeling MUCH better now.

valthemus April 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Does this mean we won't hear any more whining about how the gays closed down Catholic Charities adoption program? Or does it mean Billy's just the big ol' jerk we always thought he was?

glamourdammerung April 12, 2012 at 6:17 pm

This is the same scumbag that said children were seducing Catholic priests.

culchiewoman April 12, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I am not at all surprised the RCC is yawing it's once mighty baby-selling ship around. What with the dwindling supply of healthy, womb-fresh white infants available for sale and all. And the fact that formerly frightened, corced young women actually now have, um…a choice. They are also no doubt frightened of all us baby-boomer sold 'product's (straight outta the Baby Scoop Era) who now have a vote, pay taxes and are coming back to haunt them. Easier to call us 'socially unstable', I guess, and bury their heads in the sand like they did with the rape, torture and enslavement of children and women. Insane (Bill D's fault) and brilliant piece, Rebecca. Bang on.

ttommyunger April 14, 2012 at 10:18 am

Bill Donohue, the "George Gonzales" volunteer Neighborhood Watch Thug for the Catholic Pederasts. Why does anyone pay attention to this puffy, bloated, blotchy windbag?

Chichikovovich April 12, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I've love that novel too, ever since I read it as a teenager. I had the opposite reaction to BTF's avatar for the reason I've mentioned: I thought of Behemoth immediately upon seeing it for the first time, and now each time I look at it I'm reminded of the novel once more.

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