Welcome to FUNNY VP WATCH, where we share FUNNY VP suggestions from clueless pundits! Here is Denny Freidenrich, a likely liberal prankster posing as “founder” of “First Strategies consulting,” making a spirited case for the selection of Sen. Lindsay Graham in The Hill: “He embodies the best of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan, et. al. without their negatives. This means he can help generate enthusiasm and votes for Romney coast to coast.” The whole column is hilarious like this; he clearly has no idea. Denny, Denny, Denny. Haven’t you heard the dirt on Graham’s wife? No? Then here it is: he’s never had one. Please pick Lindsay Graham!
6:28 pm April 11, 2012
FUNNY VP WATCH: What Could Go Wrong With a Lindsay Graham Pick?
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 206 comments }
Who will be Lindsay's "Jill Biden"?! Someone in uniform perhaps?
That retired Lt. General who said the Muslims had a false god who will get His ass whipped by our real God? Boykin?
Allen West?
A very model of a Modern Major General?
The Ruler of the Queen's Navy?
A boy scout?
I think by now he's been promoted to full mannequin.
The cop from the Village People
Wow. That would be the biggest outing ever.
I think it's time Linsey Graham released a straight sex porno. It's his only chance at redemption.
But he'd forever give up his chance for a complimentary toaster oven.
Lindsay Grr-Ram in "Get Your Ham Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed"
"All We Are Saying, Is Give Penis A Chance"
Oops. Probably not the best theme music for Lindsey's straight show.
Save it for another day.
~
But girls are ickyyyyyyyyyy~
A sex tape with one of the lesser Kardashians?
Or Lindsey Lohan?
Tranny porn is straight, right?
There are so many fantastic possibilities for a veep pick, but I think Lindsey would be my absolute favorite.
That would be faaabulous!
Well, Mitt's favorite adjective is "marvelous!" so they might have something in common, beyond being fatuous douchebags and wearing ironed jeans.
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Skeevy.
Is America ready for a ham biscuit Vice President?
if Colbert gets a hamRove, Romney gets a ham biscuit.
We already had Dan Quayle.
probably not but now i have to get lunch.
"Hit in the chin with more balls than Pete Rose" will be tough to fit on a bumper sticker.
I don't think I've ever heard a better phrase than this.
One thing for sure, Mitts has a walk-in closet full of choices.
He has the gravitas. He just doesn't show them in public.
The Senate Eunuch carries his gravitas in a gilded box at all times.
He embodies the best of Santorum
Green Balloons!!
Dammit
Sorry, there are no safe words in Republican dungeons.
Ew.
Srsly..that combination adds up to be a puddle of elephant afterbirth.
The Frothy Mix would freak out endlessly.
Please God, please God, please God…
He'd have another full-body whine-out.
Drudge Sirens: Potential GOP VP Nominee George Zimmerman has been charged with 2nd-degree murder
Hmm…I wonder what the thoughtful commenters over at FoxNation have to say about this. [pause] HOLY CRAP!
rockthevote2012 Just now
Ahhhhhhhhhh we must have Zimmerman become the sacrificial lamb
to keep the natives happy. We are to ignore the over 1000 whites murdered by b1acks annually in order to keep the peace among b1acks and whites by allowing the Court to find Zimmerman guilty; and if Zimmerman is found guilty then as many as 58 innocent people will be ki11ed in riots by the jigabooos, much like the Rodney King trial. Do you all remember?
And do you all remember that the jigaboos responsible for
those ki11ings were never brought to justice because of the white Liberal
scum_bag Politicians that are only concerned with being re elected.
Yeah, I guess that the arrest of George Zimmerman means that the police will be giving blahs a free pass to kill white folks for the rest of the year. "Sorry ma'am, I'd love to arrest the man who shot your husband, but he's blah and you're white and we've been required to ignore that sort of thing ever since George Zimmerman was arrested. Oh, and if you keep making a scene about it I'm going to have to arrest you for a hate crime."
I swear to God, if the DLC weren't' ball-less and brain-less they'd be taking screenshots of comments like this and using them in ads that said nothing more than "if you don't vote in November these fuckheads win.".
Judging from this very reasonable person's spelling, the FoxNation moderators apparently filter the word "blacks" but not the word "jigaboos". If the Fox Mole survives until tomorrow, perhaps we will learn more about their commenting policy, what is and what is not Totally Libelous over there.
Now, in 2012, arresting a murderer for murdering is the exact equivalent of inciting a race war. There was no mention of this in the previous ~230 years of American jurisprudence.
if Zimmerman is found guilty then as many as 58 innocent people will be ki11ed
I was struck by our modern-day Socrates' quantitative acumen. And though it pains me to say it, I'm a bit relieved that 59 innocents will die, or heaven forfend, as many as 60! Because that would surely be a buzzk11l.
I'm assuming those were zeroes, not "o"s.
Can you think of a human being alive who is old enough to have used "jigaboo" as a word?
It'd be like trying to filter for "blackamoor" or "jezebel."
Appeasement to 12.6% of society who actually commit 50.4% of all homicides.
and
You nitwits can debate one another all you want… As for me, I am buying more ammo.
Yep, they're pretty much the acme of reason over there.
Yep, they're pretty much the acme of reason over there.
Wile E. Coyote libel!
Wile E Quixote libel!
Proof that 87.6% of all Internet commenter statistical references are made up on the spot.
"You nitwits can debate one another all you want… As for me, I am buying more ammo."
Translation: "Second amendment solutions solve all my problems. Just ask my family, neighbors, & coworkers when I've had a bad day & decide to relieve my stress by shooting at them."
The more ammo you have, the safer you are. Until your basement detonates.
"…to keep the natives happy." Now I'm confused. Do they mean the Cherokee? When did they get mixed up in this?
Big surprise–that comment's no longer visible. But someone (possibly the same guy; note the attempted filter-eluding spe11ing) did post this helpful reply:
BTW Rodney King wasn’t ki11ed he was only beaten; and he deserved every bit of that whooping and more. Rodney was a known ten time loser, and a treat to society, and to b1acks more so. And you want me to be nice to the b1ack bastardo.
I, for one, would love to be a treat to society.
Why can't we all just get along?
Why can't we all just get a lawn?
The site has now replaced the Zimmerman-mugshot-overlaid-with-Surveyor's-Marks with a less, um… editorial version of the mugshot. I totally blew it on this one. If I hadn't been racing out the door as I hit ctrl-v, I would have captured the awesomeness that was Fox's (now shamefully removed) "coverage". The original headline included the phrase "call off the posse", or something equally dogwhistly.EDIT: Correction. It was Breitbart, and not FoxNation, that used the phrase "call off the posse" and put Surveyor's Marks on the mugshot. My apologies, FoxNation, for mischaracterizing you as dog-whistlers. You guys are overt racists.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Hell to the no–I am not going anywhere near that site. I am trying to do *less* drinking, not more…
Who said that? Matthew Boyle , Tucker Carlson? ..their writing styles are about the same.
Isn't it time that the Republicans have a VP who is just FABULOUS!!!
If we could manage to elect a half-white, half-black President, then electing a half-straight, half-gay VP might just be doable.
Please don't use Lindsey and the term "doable" in the same sentence again.
He didn't mention Lindsay at all. In fact he said "half straight" which pretty much rules Lindsay out, wouldn't you say?
I'm thinking he's considering the likes of elder statesmen Bowie or Jagger?
Lindsey Olin Graham
Who put the LOG in log cabin Republicans?
~
Probably the same guys who've been planking Lindsey.
Miss Buttworth
Lindsey will have to make sure he never wears the same dress as Anne Romney.
Heavy Wallet/ Light Loafers 2112!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any chance at all of a Mittens / Bachmann team? No? Shit!
She is tooooo busy defending lightbulb freedums.
Maybe Marcus could step in?
As with a lot of other crazy but not utterly implausible ideas, there is a Facebook for that:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Michele-Bachmann-Vi…
Daughter of Liberty, uh, yeah, if you say so, Shelly…
Please, oh please, let there be incriminating pictures of Lindsay Graham and Michele Bachmann's husband at least antiquing or watching "Spartacus" together.
"Marcus, do you like gladiator movies?"
Or pics of Marcus trying to "de-gay" Lindsay (I've heard rumors that it involves a poorly lit basement somewhere with various apparatuses that hang from the beams).
Russert's kid is equally unqualified. To look at that kid and see talent is like looking at Lindsay " the Walker" Graham and seeing machismo.
I look at Luke Russert and the only thing I think is "spring break."
Lest anyone think I'm being too hard on the young man, remind yourself that when he was Luke's age, Chris Hayes was being chosen to succeed David Corn as Washington Editor of The Nation.
Eh, give it to Sarah Palin. It's not like there's anything that could actually help this campaign.
Very clever. This would certainly guarantee the coveted ham biscuit single issue voter.
The Ham Biscuit Party will be the new Tea Party.
Ham biscuits and tea. Hmm, tasty.
I think you mean the Sweet Tea Party.
It would go to prove the GOP is in the pocket of Big Ham Biscuit.
He embodies the best of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan, et. al.
embodies = carries within his body
I hear Larry Craig is available.
My apologies. I had a very difficult log-in experience and your comment slipped ahead of me.
Lindsay can tell you all about how to log in. I understand it involves lots of butter.
Isn't Mitt prissy enough already?
Thurston Howell III / Liberace 2012
Any man who calls a budget "marvelous" is too … something.
Just putting it out there: Shania Twain's ex-husband Mutt Lange. Mitt/Mutt 2012.
Lange could ride on top of the limo.
You should hear Lindsay singin' "Any Man of Mine" on karaoke night. He rocks it!
I would think he favors Man, I Feel Like a Woman.
It's a shame Patrick Witt got himself in trouble. We could have had the Mitt-Witt ticket.
Doesn't sound like any more trouble than most Republicans are in. And he might be able to save Bristol from her trial marriage. He looks like her type.
Well at least the campaign will have better music and be catered better, most definitely have better interior design MY STARS i just cant wait
Is Larry Craig too busy?
http://wonkette.com/469596/funny-vp-watch-what-co…
Tap, shuffle, ball change.
Picking Lindsay Graham for VEEP candidate would be almost as good as McGovern going with Tom Eagleton.
Damn! I've been trying all evening to come up with something amusing about Mitt standing behind Lindsey 1000 percent because it's safer that way but it just isn't happening.
Considering that all three have nothing but negatives, this is actually a factual statement.
So in other words, nothing.
Mmm, cum…
Well that might get Rmoney Lieberman's vote, and maybe Larry Craig, but who else?
The Log Cabin Republicans would claim credit?
If so, GOProud would get into a pissy Twatter catfight that they should get the credit.
What could go wrong? The real Lindsay is the Lohan's one. https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-p1vOz9s9Ja8/T4…
It was bad enough when Spiro Agnew was found in the White House with a sack full of cash in his hands – how would it look for the VP to get caught with a sack full of balls in his mouth?
Sarah Palin would feel doubly ripped off.
Lindsey's selection would be a real breakthrough for Mincing-Americans.
Hey, he would get the Teabagger vote!
Lindsay's been putting on weight lately. I think he should lay off the organ meats! Wokka wokka!
But the buff buffet is such a deal!
Is there an early bird special?
That's the one that gets "the worm"?
Miss Lindsay for VP…woohoo…talk to the HAND you BITCH…not that one…it's full of Santorum
While a great idea, I just don't think Patsy is crazy enough for the wingnuts.
Right, cheers, thanks a lot.
OT/ Faux Mole revealed. I'm disappointed it's not Tobias Funke.
Miffed Mole?
I was sure it was Murdoch himself, going completely mad.
I was once involved in something at Fox once (contributed to a script), and the agreement I remember signing included things like clauses in the event of an natural disaster, war, alien invasions…. It will be interesting to see what unfolds….
I dunno, I suspect he signed something that says he agrees to not do what he's about to do. Unless he's got nuthin' and it's all Gawker bullshit.
I also suspect that wingers are already shouting comparisons to O'Keefe
This is good news for BFF John McCain.
This is good news for Sarah Palin, but I'm not sure why.
"He embodies the best of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan."
So he's a grandiose christofascist with an unyielding passion for punishing poor people?
Actually, yeah, sounds like every Republican out there.
no, that's worst of each…they mean he's a uh…family man with pretty fluffy white hair and nice suits. No that doesn't work either.
How is Lindsay different from Elizabeth II? One of them is an ancient Queen; the other is British royalty.
Lindz would be a fabulous Veep.
up the butt!
Speaking of people being outed: http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/04/gawkers-fox-…
I hear he's Marcus Bachmann's choice…
for scissoring.
But look at all of America's great gah presidents!
Oh, whoops. Thanks a lot, James Buchanan, you fucked it up for the gahs as well as breaking the country.
I really wish the most logical candidate for VP had a last name like Care. That would make an epic bumper sticker.
Bot would work as well.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!
If Lindsay looks perpetually tired, it's because of the J. Edgar Hoover syndrome he suffers from: he can neither sleep or rest for constant fear of being publicly outed. I'm reluctant to admit this, but I feel sorry for him.
Me too, except for the part of me that says, "Ah, fuck him",
Guilty, too, yo honah!
Non-Lohan Lindsay isn't remotely Rethug VP material, since he just isn't batshit mouth-foaming puppy-devouring insane enough to make up for Willard's inadequacies in the eyes of the Teabagging base. It'll be someone like Sam Brownshirt, I'm guessing.
Oh God, I hate that person, but you may be right as Mittens has to gin up the base, how about Tom Tancredo? Mitt / Shit 2012.
Brownshirt's a Cahthlah. I think a Mahmah/Cathlah ticket would be too alienating to the Evangelical base.
Yeah, but of the three major candidates that were left (sorry spooky Dr. Paul), it was nothing but Catholics and Mormons all the way down.
At the moment, the party's motto is: "Any stick to be a blah."
Hey, Rick Perry is available, and he's an evangelical and he's all about the Jeebus. Sure, he's dumb as a stump, but wing nuts like Erick Erickspawn over at Red State are totally ghey for Perry.
Lindsay needs to be caught with a "live girl" if this thing is to work.
Speaking of South Carolina, is a "Charleston Chew" a sex act, down there?
Not yet. I'll get to work on it, though.
You are very brave.
OT: Texts From Hillary already done. http://gaw.kr/HMF1EH
They'd let the meme reach its peak to gracefully bow it out, and that is rare.
As a fan of the Simpsons and the Rolling Stones, I find their conduct utterly baffling.
Yeah, I woulda rode that thing into the ground. And then, after 6 months I'd launch a Comeback Tour. Then after riding that into the ground; merchandising.
I admit I'd have ran it into the ground, too. I'm still a sucker for LOLcats, so I'd have liked to have seen much more texts from Hillary.
But, when someone does something this rare — quitting at the peak of power — I have to respect it if only because it's so rare.
I don't see room for this "grace" on the internetz. Needz moar meme!
But at least the creators of the meme will always be remembered for… what were we talking about?
Hey! They stopped blocking Gawker at the Air Force! Hooray!
Sarah Palin or GTFO
Allen West would be marvelous, as well. Imagine him going coast to coast with an open microphone on him nearly constantly. Hilarity would ensure.
Living in the south is hard enough without this hate filled douchebag! I'd be laughing with the wonketteers while outside my neighbors burned a cross on my lawn..
You know who *else* had obviously but closeted gays in high positions?
Heidi Klum?
No, Hitler!
Local newscasts?
Mitt's gonna have a harder time than John McCain did picking a running mate — I'm betting his first choice is a non-white or non-male teabagger, which means his choices are narrowed down to Jeanne Schmidt or Allen West — the only thing that would make it better would be if he picked "My Heart Will Go On" as the campaign theme song.
Ha! You're not wrong there. Willard has to pick a womb-owner for VP to do something about his godawful figures amongst women voters, where he's dying for good reason.
Maybe he won't though. Maybe he'll go black, or maybe he'll go hispanic.
Whichever way he throws that idea he looks like a pandering fuck because he is.
Then again, he might opt for a standard boring white guy with strong conservative credentials because dog knows he doesn't have them himself.
This election season will be entertaining and I just hope that Hopey gets a second chance and is less feckless in his second term.
Just like in 2008, there's a very short list of anti-abortion women who are ready to be president. Just about every female Republican governor or senator that's been there more than 5 minutes is pro-choice.
The one exception is NM's Susanna Martinez, over whom all the "beltway insiders" and assorted Morning Joe analysts are salivating. She has made it clear that she's not interested.
She would have been the baggers' Dream Candidate — anti-abortion, anti-education, pro-jail. And she would have collapsed in the VP debate the minute Joe opened his mouth.
It's going to be Liz Cheney. *Shudder*
My Nightmare this morning was that Dick was coming back, but I think Liz is actually angling for some sort of Pol. position – maybe not now, but certainly in '16. I wouldn't be at all surprised if a President Mittens would be strongarmed into appointing her to some nightmare position, like Ambassador to the UN or Secretary of State.
Just one more reason to keep Mitt out of office – all the people who were catastrophic failures in office during the Bush Administration will be "back, Baby!"
Condi Rice, also.
Just the thought of these people coming back is making me nauseous.
And, it is good to see you back, Fukui. I wish you and yours better things, from now on.
We all saw what happened the LAST time everyone thought that there were rules regarding choosing republican VP candidates.
Once you go Hispanic, the Kochs will panic.
This has been pretty much my prediction as well, and why I've been actually more eager for a Mittens nomination than any of the other wingnuts who were running. A Mittens who exits the primary damaged, and needs to shore up the right-wing base and makes a veep decision based on the same, and is thus torn between appealing to an electorate that is substantial more moderate on average, and the continued rightward tug of a wary base, is basically begging for a repeat of 2008. A winger like Santorum or Gingrich would've had plenty of space to try and package themselves as somewhat mainstream, while winking to their own base, and Romney can ill afford to at this point.
Expect unforced errors galore.
No. Mitt's Vice Presidential pick will be Richard Bruce Cheney.
He's Tanned. He's Rested. He's Ready. He's got a new heart and he's willing to not use it.
Cheney/RomneyRomney/Cheney 2012: "Go F*uck Yourselves, Liberals!"Embodies? The man is practically oozing Santorum.
mince meat.
more likely a 'bagger born with silver dog whistle in his mouth. Gotta keep the 'base' energized!
That's because no woman is good enough for him!
Am I talking about Romney?
Or Ham Biscuits?
Or perhaps Condaleesa Rice????
Go Lou Sarah rogue Mittens and pick Allen West.
So this morning, I overhear a couple of my Foxt*rd colleagues discussing the "race" for the Republican prez nomination, in quite serious tones, and as if the Repub candidate is actually going to have a chance. They really seem to believe this. It was all I could do to not burst out laughing.
Miss Lindsay will the first woman vice president. Suck on that $arah!
I don't care who Romney picks. But watch his campaign implode in in-fighting over who didn't vet the veep well, when he gets body-slammed by a blah in November.
Is his stance wide enough to encompass crucial swing voters? That's the question on Castro Street!
Jim – You appear to be suggesting we all know where to find Mrs. Graham.
It's Mr. Graham that remains to be located.
It's that sort of bon mot that fortifies your status as an Ingenious Gentleman.
It's not my genius (which is unassailable), but the New Guy's
Credit where credit is due.
Uno mas Cervantes!
To errant is human…
I'm gonna give you guys a Sancho Panza if you keep this up.
Why can't we all just get a Longo?
OOH Mr Fancy Elitist with his lawn. I suppose you have dressage ponies, too.
3 o's. Verrry clever, that commenter.
Perhaps y0u're right. But one of the instances of that word has three zeroes, while the next has only two, and they all have the aspect of an "o".
It may still be there; I can only view 10 comments per page, and there have been 1,200 comments since then. I refuse to spend that much time paging through Fox comments, even for a Golden Screen Capture.
To forgive, equine
But I only have one Corona….
Wait until we go full tilt.
Why can't we LOL just at the prawn?
Why can't we all just hit a bong?
Those guys kick aztlan!
Ok, that one made me laugh so hard I thought I'd go blind
I've reconquistaed your offer, and I accept!
I like to poker out of control. Esp. after a bad beat.
OH HO HO, Mr. Race Baiter, goin' around puttin' down the idea that dre's a sage.
Or Golliwogg
Spike Lee?
I think the first time I heard that word was in the song "I'm Black/Colored Spade" on the soundtrack to the musical "Hair," back around 1971. That was a real eye(ear?)-opener.
I guess you shouldn't have whipped the horses eyes.
Agreed. And I love LOLcats too. I think if you have a cat, it makes it moar funny.
Dude just didn't make it very hard. He downloaded the video from the work computer and then sent it to Gawker.
All ClusterFox had to do was look and see which employees had recently accessed that video – as Cool Hand Luke pointed out, just dang fine police work right there.
I'm not an expert, but it's pretty obvious he wanted to get caught and be forced out. I'm just sorry he didn't play out the string longer, allowing for considerable collateral damage to take place.
Call the Doctor!
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