6:28 pm April 11, 2012

FUNNY VP WATCH: What Could Go Wrong With a Lindsay Graham Pick?

by Jim Newell

I'm going to be a star!Welcome to FUNNY VP WATCH, where we share FUNNY VP suggestions from clueless pundits! Here is Denny Freidenrich, a likely liberal prankster posing as “founder” of “First Strategies consulting,” making a spirited case for the selection of Sen. Lindsay Graham in The Hill: “He embodies the best of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan, et. al. without their negatives. This means he can help generate enthusiasm and votes for Romney coast to coast.” The whole column is hilarious like this; he clearly has no idea. Denny, Denny, Denny. Haven’t you heard the dirt on Graham’s wife? No? Then here it is: he’s never had one. Please pick Lindsay Graham!

 
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{ 206 comments }

Not_So_Much April 11, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Who will be Lindsay's "Jill Biden"?! Someone in uniform perhaps?

chascates April 11, 2012 at 6:37 pm

That retired Lt. General who said the Muslims had a false god who will get His ass whipped by our real God? Boykin?

nounverb911 April 11, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Allen West?

Not_So_Much April 11, 2012 at 6:50 pm

A very model of a Modern Major General?

Chichikovovich April 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

The Ruler of the Queen's Navy?

valgal2342 April 11, 2012 at 7:45 pm

A boy scout?

nedbeaumontjr April 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I think by now he's been promoted to full mannequin.

GeorgiaBurning April 12, 2012 at 2:40 am

The cop from the Village People

Maman April 11, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Wow. That would be the biggest outing ever.

Barb April 11, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I think it's time Linsey Graham released a straight sex porno. It's his only chance at redemption.

George Spelvin April 11, 2012 at 8:11 pm

But he'd forever give up his chance for a complimentary toaster oven.

iburl April 11, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Lindsay Grr-Ram in "Get Your Ham Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed"

ifthethunderdontgetya April 11, 2012 at 9:53 pm

"All We Are Saying, Is Give Penis A Chance"

Oops. Probably not the best theme music for Lindsey's straight show.

Save it for another day.
~

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2012 at 9:53 pm

But girls are ickyyyyyyyyyy~

NYNYNYjr April 12, 2012 at 2:28 am

A sex tape with one of the lesser Kardashians?

littlebigdaddy April 14, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Or Lindsey Lohan?

littlebigdaddy April 14, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Tranny porn is straight, right?

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2012 at 6:32 pm

There are so many fantastic possibilities for a veep pick, but I think Lindsey would be my absolute favorite.

OzoneTom April 11, 2012 at 6:37 pm

That would be faaabulous!

Veritas78 April 11, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Well, Mitt's favorite adjective is "marvelous!" so they might have something in common, beyond being fatuous douchebags and wearing ironed jeans.

SwanSwanH April 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Skeevy.

edgydrifter April 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Is America ready for a ham biscuit Vice President?

mormos April 11, 2012 at 6:51 pm

if Colbert gets a hamRove, Romney gets a ham biscuit.

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2012 at 9:31 pm

We already had Dan Quayle.

fuflans April 12, 2012 at 12:27 pm

probably not but now i have to get lunch.

Buzz Feedback April 11, 2012 at 6:35 pm

"Hit in the chin with more balls than Pete Rose" will be tough to fit on a bumper sticker.

DetectiveGrey April 12, 2012 at 9:49 am

I don't think I've ever heard a better phrase than this.

Radio福井県 April 11, 2012 at 6:36 pm

One thing for sure, Mitts has a walk-in closet full of choices.

chascates April 11, 2012 at 6:36 pm

He has the gravitas. He just doesn't show them in public.

Designer_Rants April 11, 2012 at 11:34 pm

The Senate Eunuch carries his gravitas in a gilded box at all times.

MissTaken April 11, 2012 at 6:37 pm

He embodies the best of Santorum

Green Balloons!!

Deportably_Jose April 11, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Dammit

Veritas78 April 11, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Sorry, there are no safe words in Republican dungeons.

Deportably_Jose April 11, 2012 at 6:37 pm

He embodies the best of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan, et. al.

Ew.

ElPinche April 12, 2012 at 1:19 am

Srsly..that combination adds up to be a puddle of elephant afterbirth.

Callyson April 11, 2012 at 6:38 pm

The Frothy Mix would freak out endlessly.

Please God, please God, please God…

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 8:50 pm

He'd have another full-body whine-out.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 11, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Drudge Sirens: Potential GOP VP Nominee George Zimmerman has been charged with 2nd-degree murder

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Hmm…I wonder what the thoughtful commenters over at FoxNation have to say about this. [pause] HOLY CRAP!

rockthevote2012 Just now

Ahhhhhhhhhh we must have Zimmerman become the sacrificial lamb
to keep the natives happy. We are to ignore the over 1000 whites murdered by b1acks annually in order to keep the peace among b1acks and whites by allowing the Court to find Zimmerman guilty; and if Zimmerman is found guilty then as many as 58 innocent people will be ki11ed in riots by the jigabooos, much like the Rodney King trial. Do you all remember?

And do you all remember that the jigaboos responsible for
those ki11ings were never brought to justice because of the white Liberal
scum_bag Politicians that are only concerned with being re elected.

Wile E. Quixote April 11, 2012 at 8:00 pm

We are to ignore the over 1000 whites murdered by b1acks annually in order to keep the peace among b1acks and whites by allowing the Court to find Zimmerman guilty;

Yeah, I guess that the arrest of George Zimmerman means that the police will be giving blahs a free pass to kill white folks for the rest of the year. "Sorry ma'am, I'd love to arrest the man who shot your husband, but he's blah and you're white and we've been required to ignore that sort of thing ever since George Zimmerman was arrested. Oh, and if you keep making a scene about it I'm going to have to arrest you for a hate crime."

I swear to God, if the DLC weren't' ball-less and brain-less they'd be taking screenshots of comments like this and using them in ads that said nothing more than "if you don't vote in November these fuckheads win.".

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Judging from this very reasonable person's spelling, the FoxNation moderators apparently filter the word "blacks" but not the word "jigaboos". If the Fox Mole survives until tomorrow, perhaps we will learn more about their commenting policy, what is and what is not Totally Libelous over there.

Now, in 2012, arresting a murderer for murdering is the exact equivalent of inciting a race war. There was no mention of this in the previous ~230 years of American jurisprudence.

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 8:28 pm

if Zimmerman is found guilty then as many as 58 innocent people will be ki11ed

I was struck by our modern-day Socrates' quantitative acumen. And though it pains me to say it, I'm a bit relieved that 59 innocents will die, or heaven forfend, as many as 60! Because that would surely be a buzzk11l.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 11, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I'm assuming those were zeroes, not "o"s.

Fare la Volpe April 11, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Can you think of a human being alive who is old enough to have used "jigaboo" as a word?

It'd be like trying to filter for "blackamoor" or "jezebel."

Doktor StrangeZoom April 11, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Appeasement to 12.6% of society who actually commit 50.4% of all homicides.

and

You nitwits can debate one another all you want… As for me, I am buying more ammo.

Yep, they're pretty much the acme of reason over there.

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Yep, they're pretty much the acme of reason over there.

Wile E. Coyote libel!

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Wile E Quixote libel!

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Proof that 87.6% of all Internet commenter statistical references are made up on the spot.

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 10:23 pm

"You nitwits can debate one another all you want… As for me, I am buying more ammo."

Translation: "Second amendment solutions solve all my problems. Just ask my family, neighbors, & coworkers when I've had a bad day & decide to relieve my stress by shooting at them."

Biel_ze_Bubba April 12, 2012 at 5:56 am

The more ammo you have, the safer you are. Until your basement detonates.

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

"…to keep the natives happy." Now I'm confused. Do they mean the Cherokee? When did they get mixed up in this?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 11, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Big surprise–that comment's no longer visible. But someone (possibly the same guy; note the attempted filter-eluding spe11ing) did post this helpful reply:

BTW Rodney King wasn’t ki11ed he was only beaten; and he deserved every bit of that whooping and more. Rodney was a known ten time loser, and a treat to society, and to b1acks more so. And you want me to be nice to the b1ack bastardo.

I, for one, would love to be a treat to society.

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Why can't we all just get along?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 11, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Why can't we all just get a lawn?

not that Dewey April 12, 2012 at 12:30 am

The site has now replaced the Zimmerman-mugshot-overlaid-with-Surveyor's-Marks with a less, um… editorial version of the mugshot. I totally blew it on this one. If I hadn't been racing out the door as I hit ctrl-v, I would have captured the awesomeness that was Fox's (now shamefully removed) "coverage". The original headline included the phrase "call off the posse", or something equally dogwhistly.

EDIT: Correction. It was Breitbart, and not FoxNation, that used the phrase "call off the posse" and put Surveyor's Marks on the mugshot. My apologies, FoxNation, for mischaracterizing you as dog-whistlers. You guys are overt racists.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 12, 2012 at 10:41 am

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Callyson April 11, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Hell to the no–I am not going anywhere near that site. I am trying to do *less* drinking, not more…

ElPinche April 12, 2012 at 1:21 am

Who said that? Matthew Boyle , Tucker Carlson? ..their writing styles are about the same.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 11, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Isn't it time that the Republicans have a VP who is just FABULOUS!!!

OneYieldRegular April 11, 2012 at 6:40 pm

If we could manage to elect a half-white, half-black President, then electing a half-straight, half-gay VP might just be doable.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 12:33 am

Please don't use Lindsey and the term "doable" in the same sentence again.

Lascauxcaveman April 12, 2012 at 1:06 am

He didn't mention Lindsay at all. In fact he said "half straight" which pretty much rules Lindsay out, wouldn't you say?

I'm thinking he's considering the likes of elder statesmen Bowie or Jagger?

ifthethunderdontgetya April 11, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Lindsey Olin Graham

Who put the LOG in log cabin Republicans?
~

Angry_Marmot April 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Probably the same guys who've been planking Lindsey.

WiscDad April 11, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Miss Buttworth

nounverb911 April 11, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Lindsey will have to make sure he never wears the same dress as Anne Romney.

Blueb4sunrise April 11, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Heavy Wallet/ Light Loafers 2112!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Antispandex April 11, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Any chance at all of a Mittens / Bachmann team? No? Shit!

Slim_Pickins April 11, 2012 at 9:24 pm

She is tooooo busy defending lightbulb freedums.

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Maybe Marcus could step in?

Callyson April 11, 2012 at 9:43 pm

As with a lot of other crazy but not utterly implausible ideas, there is a Facebook for that:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Michele-Bachmann-Vi

Daughter of Liberty, uh, yeah, if you say so, Shelly…

CogitoErgoBibo April 11, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Please, oh please, let there be incriminating pictures of Lindsay Graham and Michele Bachmann's husband at least antiquing or watching "Spartacus" together.

Lucidamente1 April 11, 2012 at 6:58 pm

"Marcus, do you like gladiator movies?"

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Or pics of Marcus trying to "de-gay" Lindsay (I've heard rumors that it involves a poorly lit basement somewhere with various apparatuses that hang from the beams).

KennyFuckingPowers April 11, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Russert's kid is equally unqualified. To look at that kid and see talent is like looking at Lindsay " the Walker" Graham and seeing machismo.

Jukesgrrl April 11, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I look at Luke Russert and the only thing I think is "spring break."

Lest anyone think I'm being too hard on the young man, remind yourself that when he was Luke's age, Chris Hayes was being chosen to succeed David Corn as Washington Editor of The Nation.

LesBontemps April 11, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Eh, give it to Sarah Palin. It's not like there's anything that could actually help this campaign.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 11, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Very clever. This would certainly guarantee the coveted ham biscuit single issue voter.

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 8:47 pm

The Ham Biscuit Party will be the new Tea Party.

Jukesgrrl April 11, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Ham biscuits and tea. Hmm, tasty.

Negropolis April 11, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I think you mean the Sweet Tea Party.

GlowneyHouse April 12, 2012 at 11:05 am

It would go to prove the GOP is in the pocket of Big Ham Biscuit.

Nostrildamus April 11, 2012 at 6:56 pm

He embodies the best of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan, et. al.

embodies = carries within his body

Lucidamente1 April 11, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I hear Larry Craig is available.

Pop_Socket April 11, 2012 at 8:40 pm

My apologies. I had a very difficult log-in experience and your comment slipped ahead of me.

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Lindsay can tell you all about how to log in. I understand it involves lots of butter.

Chill-A-Sketch April 11, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Isn't Mitt prissy enough already?

deanbooth April 11, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Thurston Howell III / Liberace 2012

Jukesgrrl April 11, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Any man who calls a budget "marvelous" is too … something.

Schmannnity April 11, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Just putting it out there: Shania Twain's ex-husband Mutt Lange. Mitt/Mutt 2012.

Angry_Marmot April 11, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Lange could ride on top of the limo.

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 8:33 pm

You should hear Lindsay singin' "Any Man of Mine" on karaoke night. He rocks it!

Schmannnity April 11, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I would think he favors Man, I Feel Like a Woman.

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 8:54 pm

It's a shame Patrick Witt got himself in trouble. We could have had the Mitt-Witt ticket.

Jukesgrrl April 11, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Doesn't sound like any more trouble than most Republicans are in. And he might be able to save Bristol from her trial marriage. He looks like her type.

BklynIlluminati April 11, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Well at least the campaign will have better music and be catered better, most definitely have better interior design MY STARS i just cant wait

Pop_Socket April 11, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Is Larry Craig too busy?

Lucidamente1 April 11, 2012 at 7:09 pm
Angry_Marmot April 11, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Tap, shuffle, ball change.

donner_froh April 11, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Picking Lindsay Graham for VEEP candidate would be almost as good as McGovern going with Tom Eagleton.

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 1:04 am

Damn! I've been trying all evening to come up with something amusing about Mitt standing behind Lindsey 1000 percent because it's safer that way but it just isn't happening.

Guppy April 11, 2012 at 7:07 pm

He embodies the best of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan, et. al. without their negatives.

Considering that all three have nothing but negatives, this is actually a factual statement.

ManchuCandidate April 11, 2012 at 7:29 pm

So in other words, nothing.

Extemporanus April 11, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Mmm, cum…

weejee April 11, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Well that might get Rmoney Lieberman's vote, and maybe Larry Craig, but who else?

I_P April 11, 2012 at 7:31 pm

The Log Cabin Republicans would claim credit?

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 8:07 pm

If so, GOProud would get into a pissy Twatter catfight that they should get the credit.

BTWBFDIMHO April 11, 2012 at 7:47 pm

What could go wrong? The real Lindsay is the Lohan's one. https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-p1vOz9s9Ja8/T4

bumfug April 11, 2012 at 8:07 pm

It was bad enough when Spiro Agnew was found in the White House with a sack full of cash in his hands – how would it look for the VP to get caught with a sack full of balls in his mouth?

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 12:43 am

Sarah Palin would feel doubly ripped off.

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Lindsey's selection would be a real breakthrough for Mincing-Americans.

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Hey, he would get the Teabagger vote!

littlebigdaddy April 11, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Lindsay's been putting on weight lately. I think he should lay off the organ meats! Wokka wokka!

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 8:35 pm

But the buff buffet is such a deal!

littlebigdaddy April 11, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Is there an early bird special?

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 9:41 pm

That's the one that gets "the worm"?

WiscDad April 11, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Miss Lindsay for VP…woohoo…talk to the HAND you BITCH…not that one…it's full of Santorum

owhatever April 11, 2012 at 8:43 pm

While a great idea, I just don't think Patsy is crazy enough for the wingnuts.

Angry_Marmot April 11, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Right, cheers, thanks a lot.

ManchuCandidate April 11, 2012 at 8:53 pm

OT/ Faux Mole revealed. I'm disappointed it's not Tobias Funke.

Blueb4sunrise April 11, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Miffed Mole?

johnnyzhivago April 11, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I was sure it was Murdoch himself, going completely mad.

I was once involved in something at Fox once (contributed to a script), and the agreement I remember signing included things like clauses in the event of an natural disaster, war, alien invasions…. It will be interesting to see what unfolds….

Blueb4sunrise April 11, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I dunno, I suspect he signed something that says he agrees to not do what he's about to do. Unless he's got nuthin' and it's all Gawker bullshit.

I also suspect that wingers are already shouting comparisons to O'Keefe

BarackMyWorld April 11, 2012 at 9:17 pm

This is good news for BFF John McCain.

johnnyzhivago April 11, 2012 at 9:24 pm

This is good news for Sarah Palin, but I'm not sure why.

iburl April 11, 2012 at 9:24 pm

"He embodies the best of Santorum, Gingrich, Ryan."

So he's a grandiose christofascist with an unyielding passion for punishing poor people?

Actually, yeah, sounds like every Republican out there.

NYNYNYjr April 12, 2012 at 2:33 am

no, that's worst of each…they mean he's a uh…family man with pretty fluffy white hair and nice suits. No that doesn't work either.

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 9:44 pm

How is Lindsay different from Elizabeth II? One of them is an ancient Queen; the other is British royalty.

rocktonsam April 11, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Lindz would be a fabulous Veep.

littlebigdaddy April 12, 2012 at 12:55 am

up the butt!

BarackMyWorld April 11, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Speaking of people being outed: http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/04/gawkers-fox-

greenide1 April 11, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I hear he's Marcus Bachmann's choice…

ElPinche April 12, 2012 at 1:17 am

for scissoring.

IceCreamEmpress April 11, 2012 at 10:19 pm

But look at all of America's great gah presidents!

Oh, whoops. Thanks a lot, James Buchanan, you fucked it up for the gahs as well as breaking the country.

Exhausted66 April 11, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I really wish the most logical candidate for VP had a last name like Care. That would make an epic bumper sticker.

trampndirtdown April 12, 2012 at 1:04 am

Bot would work as well.

BarackMyWorld April 12, 2012 at 3:50 am

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!

ttommyunger April 11, 2012 at 10:59 pm

If Lindsay looks perpetually tired, it's because of the J. Edgar Hoover syndrome he suffers from: he can neither sleep or rest for constant fear of being publicly outed. I'm reluctant to admit this, but I feel sorry for him.

bumfug April 12, 2012 at 12:55 am

Me too, except for the part of me that says, "Ah, fuck him",

ttommyunger April 12, 2012 at 7:31 am

Guilty, too, yo honah!

LetUsBray April 11, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Non-Lohan Lindsay isn't remotely Rethug VP material, since he just isn't batshit mouth-foaming puppy-devouring insane enough to make up for Willard's inadequacies in the eyes of the Teabagging base. It'll be someone like Sam Brownshirt, I'm guessing.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Oh God, I hate that person, but you may be right as Mittens has to gin up the base, how about Tom Tancredo? Mitt / Shit 2012.

IceCreamEmpress April 11, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Brownshirt's a Cahthlah. I think a Mahmah/Cathlah ticket would be too alienating to the Evangelical base.

Negropolis April 12, 2012 at 12:01 am

Yeah, but of the three major candidates that were left (sorry spooky Dr. Paul), it was nothing but Catholics and Mormons all the way down.

At the moment, the party's motto is: "Any stick to be a blah."

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 12:50 am

Hey, Rick Perry is available, and he's an evangelical and he's all about the Jeebus. Sure, he's dumb as a stump, but wing nuts like Erick Erickspawn over at Red State are totally ghey for Perry.

Negropolis April 11, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Lindsay needs to be caught with a "live girl" if this thing is to work.

Speaking of South Carolina, is a "Charleston Chew" a sex act, down there?

GlowneyHouse April 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

Not yet. I'll get to work on it, though.

Negropolis April 12, 2012 at 9:44 pm

You are very brave.

Designer_Rants April 11, 2012 at 11:59 pm

OT: Texts From Hillary already done. http://gaw.kr/HMF1EH

Negropolis April 12, 2012 at 12:02 am

They'd let the meme reach its peak to gracefully bow it out, and that is rare.

LetUsBray April 12, 2012 at 12:10 am

As a fan of the Simpsons and the Rolling Stones, I find their conduct utterly baffling.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 12:15 am

Yeah, I woulda rode that thing into the ground. And then, after 6 months I'd launch a Comeback Tour. Then after riding that into the ground; merchandising.

Negropolis April 12, 2012 at 8:23 am

I admit I'd have ran it into the ground, too. I'm still a sucker for LOLcats, so I'd have liked to have seen much more texts from Hillary.

But, when someone does something this rare — quitting at the peak of power — I have to respect it if only because it's so rare.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 12:17 am

I don't see room for this "grace" on the internetz. Needz moar meme!

But at least the creators of the meme will always be remembered for… what were we talking about?

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 9:27 am

Hey! They stopped blocking Gawker at the Air Force! Hooray!

yrbmegr April 12, 2012 at 12:20 am

Sarah Palin or GTFO

Terry April 12, 2012 at 6:51 am

Allen West would be marvelous, as well. Imagine him going coast to coast with an open microphone on him nearly constantly. Hilarity would ensure.

Nothingisamiss April 12, 2012 at 7:07 am

Living in the south is hard enough without this hate filled douchebag! I'd be laughing with the wonketteers while outside my neighbors burned a cross on my lawn..

littlebigdaddy April 12, 2012 at 12:47 am

You know who *else* had obviously but closeted gays in high positions?

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 12:54 am

Heidi Klum?

littlebigdaddy April 12, 2012 at 12:57 am

No, Hitler!

Negropolis April 12, 2012 at 8:25 am

Local newscasts?

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 12:58 am

Mitt's gonna have a harder time than John McCain did picking a running mate — I'm betting his first choice is a non-white or non-male teabagger, which means his choices are narrowed down to Jeanne Schmidt or Allen West — the only thing that would make it better would be if he picked "My Heart Will Go On" as the campaign theme song.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 12, 2012 at 3:47 am

Ha! You're not wrong there. Willard has to pick a womb-owner for VP to do something about his godawful figures amongst women voters, where he's dying for good reason.

Maybe he won't though. Maybe he'll go black, or maybe he'll go hispanic.

Whichever way he throws that idea he looks like a pandering fuck because he is.

Then again, he might opt for a standard boring white guy with strong conservative credentials because dog knows he doesn't have them himself.

This election season will be entertaining and I just hope that Hopey gets a second chance and is less feckless in his second term.

BarackMyWorld April 12, 2012 at 3:55 am

Just like in 2008, there's a very short list of anti-abortion women who are ready to be president. Just about every female Republican governor or senator that's been there more than 5 minutes is pro-choice.

not that Dewey April 12, 2012 at 8:55 am

The one exception is NM's Susanna Martinez, over whom all the "beltway insiders" and assorted Morning Joe analysts are salivating. She has made it clear that she's not interested.

She would have been the baggers' Dream Candidate — anti-abortion, anti-education, pro-jail. And she would have collapsed in the VP debate the minute Joe opened his mouth.

C_R_Eature April 12, 2012 at 5:35 am

It's going to be Liz Cheney. *Shudder*
My Nightmare this morning was that Dick was coming back, but I think Liz is actually angling for some sort of Pol. position – maybe not now, but certainly in '16. I wouldn't be at all surprised if a President Mittens would be strongarmed into appointing her to some nightmare position, like Ambassador to the UN or Secretary of State.
Just one more reason to keep Mitt out of office – all the people who were catastrophic failures in office during the Bush Administration will be "back, Baby!"
Condi Rice, also.
Just the thought of these people coming back is making me nauseous.

And, it is good to see you back, Fukui. I wish you and yours better things, from now on.

not that Dewey April 12, 2012 at 8:57 am

We all saw what happened the LAST time everyone thought that there were rules regarding choosing republican VP candidates.

Dashboard Buddha April 12, 2012 at 9:24 am

Once you go Hispanic, the Kochs will panic.

Deportably_Jose April 12, 2012 at 9:53 am

This has been pretty much my prediction as well, and why I've been actually more eager for a Mittens nomination than any of the other wingnuts who were running. A Mittens who exits the primary damaged, and needs to shore up the right-wing base and makes a veep decision based on the same, and is thus torn between appealing to an electorate that is substantial more moderate on average, and the continued rightward tug of a wary base, is basically begging for a repeat of 2008. A winger like Santorum or Gingrich would've had plenty of space to try and package themselves as somewhat mainstream, while winking to their own base, and Romney can ill afford to at this point.

Expect unforced errors galore.

C_R_Eature April 12, 2012 at 5:23 am

No. Mitt's Vice Presidential pick will be Richard Bruce Cheney.

He's Tanned. He's Rested. He's Ready. He's got a new heart and he's willing to not use it.

Cheney/Romney Romney/Cheney 2012: "Go F*uck Yourselves, Liberals!"

gurukalehuru April 12, 2012 at 6:35 am

Embodies? The man is practically oozing Santorum.

cheetojeebus April 12, 2012 at 7:58 am

mince meat.
more likely a 'bagger born with silver dog whistle in his mouth. Gotta keep the 'base' energized!

DahBoner April 12, 2012 at 8:04 am

That's because no woman is good enough for him!

Am I talking about Romney?

Or Ham Biscuits?

Or perhaps Condaleesa Rice????

weejee April 12, 2012 at 8:37 am

Go Lou Sarah rogue Mittens and pick Allen West.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 8:38 am

So this morning, I overhear a couple of my Foxt*rd colleagues discussing the "race" for the Republican prez nomination, in quite serious tones, and as if the Repub candidate is actually going to have a chance. They really seem to believe this. It was all I could do to not burst out laughing.

An_Outhouse April 12, 2012 at 9:22 am

Miss Lindsay will the first woman vice president. Suck on that $arah!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 12, 2012 at 9:30 am

I don't care who Romney picks. But watch his campaign implode in in-fighting over who didn't vet the veep well, when he gets body-slammed by a blah in November.

elgin_pelican April 12, 2012 at 9:43 am

Is his stance wide enough to encompass crucial swing voters? That's the question on Castro Street!

Tundra Grifter April 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Jim – You appear to be suggesting we all know where to find Mrs. Graham.

It's Mr. Graham that remains to be located.

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 8:32 pm

It's that sort of bon mot that fortifies your status as an Ingenious Gentleman.

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 8:35 pm

It's not my genius (which is unassailable), but the New Guy's

Credit where credit is due.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 11, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Uno mas Cervantes!

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 8:46 pm

To errant is human…

Radio福井県 April 11, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I'm gonna give you guys a Sancho Panza if you keep this up.

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Why can't we all just get a Longo?

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 10:09 pm

OOH Mr Fancy Elitist with his lawn. I suppose you have dressage ponies, too.

George Spelvin April 11, 2012 at 8:46 pm

3 o's. Verrry clever, that commenter.

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Perhaps y0u're right. But one of the instances of that word has three zeroes, while the next has only two, and they all have the aspect of an "o".

It may still be there; I can only view 10 comments per page, and there have been 1,200 comments since then. I refuse to spend that much time paging through Fox comments, even for a Golden Screen Capture.

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 9:04 pm

To forgive, equine

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 9:07 pm

But I only have one Corona….

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Wait until we go full tilt.

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Why can't we LOL just at the prawn?

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Why can't we all just hit a bong?

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Those guys kick aztlan!

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Ok, that one made me laugh so hard I thought I'd go blind

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I've reconquistaed your offer, and I accept!

Radio福井県 April 11, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I like to poker out of control. Esp. after a bad beat.

user-of-owls April 11, 2012 at 11:03 pm

OH HO HO, Mr. Race Baiter, goin' around puttin' down the idea that dre's a sage.

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 11:09 pm
emmelemm April 12, 2012 at 5:50 am

Spike Lee?

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 9:44 am

I think the first time I heard that word was in the song "I'm Black/Colored Spade" on the soundtrack to the musical "Hair," back around 1971. That was a real eye(ear?)-opener.

not that Dewey April 11, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I guess you shouldn't have whipped the horses eyes.

Designer_Rants April 12, 2012 at 9:10 am

Agreed. And I love LOLcats too. I think if you have a cat, it makes it moar funny.

Tundra Grifter April 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Dude just didn't make it very hard. He downloaded the video from the work computer and then sent it to Gawker.

All ClusterFox had to do was look and see which employees had recently accessed that video – as Cool Hand Luke pointed out, just dang fine police work right there.

I'm not an expert, but it's pretty obvious he wanted to get caught and be forced out. I'm just sorry he didn't play out the string longer, allowing for considerable collateral damage to take place.

not that Dewey April 12, 2012 at 11:51 pm

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