THE BREAKUP  2:54 pm April 12, 2012

Bitter Newt Gingrich’s Mouth Writes Fox A Check His Ass Can’t Cash

by Erik Jay

ReboundingNewt Gingrich was in Dover having a meeting with 18 Delaware Tea Party leaders. At such a crucial moment in his campaign, he did what any potential chief in command would do. He talked shit about his former boss Fox News for divorcing him for Mitt Romney once he proved to be cancerous to the Republican party. They Newted him at his own game!

“I think FOX has been for Romney all the way through. In our experience, Callista and I both believe CNN is less biased than FOX this year. We are more likely to get neutral coverage out of CNN than we are of FOX, and we’re more likely to get distortion out of FOX. That’s just a fact.”

Gingrich used to work for Fox, but when Newt decided to dedicate himself to putting condos on the moon and running for president, they broke up. It isn’t right for Newt to be with so many others while Fox stays at home. Newt packed his stuff and left quietly, leaving only a rose on his side of the bed. Fox was never the same. Then Mitt came along and open wounds quickly healed and an explosive relationship began. Newt was mad that Fox moved on without him and let it be known.

Newt’s harsh words were triggered by a question asked from one of the local Tea Party leaders in regards to how he has been treated by ‘conservative media outlets.’ Newt took that opportunity to lay into Fox for being a slut after they broke up. It turns out Fox was a tempted lassie long before Newt.

Fox was just a lonely media outlet who needed some company after Newt and found a bare chested Mitt riding his Dressage horse along the beach. What’s a lonely evil media empire to do? Fox may seem like the victim, but there is history of this happening before. Fox used to date Rick Santorum and did the same thing to him leaving him frothing at the mouth!

Why does Fox keep dumping such eligible shit bags for Mitt? Newt thinks Rupert Murdoch gave in and finally went for looks and not personality. He said, “I assume it’s because Murdoch at some point said, ‘I want Romney,’ and so ‘fair and balanced’ became ‘Romney,’” he said. “And there’s no question that Fox had a lot to do with stopping my campaign because such a high percentage of our base watches Fox.”

Don’t worry about Newt. He wants everyone to know he is ‘friends’ with CNN now and has moved on. And as for Fox, Newt seems to be licking his wounds, but remains bitter about his ex.

“The only press events I go to are interesting dinners when the wife insists on it, so we’re going to go to the White House Correspondents’ dinner because she wants to. And we’re actually going to go to CNN’s table, not Fox.”

That will show that fucking slut. [RealClearPolitics]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 98 comments }

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Callista and I both believe CNN is less biased than FOX

Welcome to the reality – based community, Newt.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I disagree. Both are completely biased towards profit.

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

That's just a fact.

WIDTAP April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Newt- reality based?

Don't let accidental agreement with the facts confuse you. Broken clock, twice a day and all.

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

The worm has indeed turned.

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 12:42 am

Two people can come to the same conclusion for very different reasons.

The Gingriches are sidling up to CNN only out of spite as scorned lovers.

Not_So_Much April 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

At least the Sta-Puft Man is going down with his dignity intact.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

And his checkbook empty.

Not that it, you know, would matter to him.

"I can't be out of money! I still have checks!"

Schmannnity April 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Please refrain from using the expression "going down" in a sentence referring to Newt.

Nothingisamiss April 12, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Hahahahahahaha

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 12:43 am

L-O-fuckin-L!

Yeah, this is totally Newt growing a conscience and not hitching up to CNN out of spite of Fox. Honestly, this is about as transparently a cynical move as one can make.

lol. Newt doesn't like CNN, he just hates Fox that much more.

anniegetyerfun April 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

God, if I had a penny for every time Newt said "That's just a fact" after stating what is very obviously a subjective opinion (or patently false lie), I could retire now.

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

If Newt had a penny for each of those times, he could afford the $1,000,000 JustPixelz ballot fee. Are you paying attention Mitt?

Barb April 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Uh oh, now Fox news is going to be on Newt's ass like white on Callista.

Clancy_Pants April 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Aw man! How do I get that visual out of my brain?

emmelemm April 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Burn, bridges, burn!

Schmannnity April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Disco inferno.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Followed by Newt's attempts to mend fences: Night On Bald Mountin'

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Watch out
You might get what you're after.
Cool babies
Strange but not a stranger
I'm an ordinary guy

Wile E. Quixote April 12, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Ah, but now David Brooks will write a column praising Newt for being appropriately bi-partisan.

Callyson April 12, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Fox was a tempted lassie long before Newt

It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute!

Radio福井県 April 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I heard Callista likes ass to mouth.

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

FYI: Newt's ATM is NSF.

Stevola April 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm

She's doing santorum?

tcaalaw April 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

There's footage of her kissing Newt, so you don't even need to hedge on that.

metamarcisf April 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm

At least you can't say that Callista never worked a day in her life. A trained carpenter, she made Newt's banana stand.

LionHeartSoyDog April 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

"There's money in the banana stand."

memzilla April 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Newtered!

HarryButtle April 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I read that as "Newtarded"

anniegetyerfun April 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Fox was just a lonely media outlet who needed some company after Newt and found a bare chested Mitt riding his Dressage horse along the beach.

The byline says Erik Jay, but the thought behind it says Rebecca.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Erik Jay is her "nom d'homme"

Gratuitous World April 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm

When CNN gets sick after the election he'll move on to CNBC. or maybe Bravo

Dr_Zoidberg April 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Fox News is biased?

Well, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm

What the what now????

He said WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

CogitoErgoBibo April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Oh Newt. Haven't you learned by now? FOX will never agree to a 3-way with CNN.

hagajim April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Fox loves Romney because they know that win or lose they won't have to put his Richie Rich ass on the company payroll like they have so many other grifters.

Schmannnity April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Remind me again, why do I care what Callista thinks? She thought to marry you. Doesn't that result in a disqualification or foul?

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Same reason you ought to care what Ann Romney thinks about women's issues.

None.

ChernobylSoup April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I didn't know Fox had cancer.

sullivanst April 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

And for the second time in not all that long, I feel compelled to ask:

Can a cancer get cancer?

ManchuCandidate April 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Fox is a cancer.

DaRooster April 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

All of 'em, Katie.

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 12:53 am

[/thread]

noodlesalad April 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Having lunch with 18 teabaggers in Dover is right above "death by drowning in a sewage plant" on my bucket list.

JustPixelz April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

This is eerily familiar. I'm not sure if Fox has cancer or is cancer, but the divorce angle sure fits. I'm assuming while he and Callista-bot are having dinner with CNN, Newt will sneak off for a blowjob from MTV News.

Blueb4sunrise April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Hart to Hart?
Really?

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Freeway's on the roof.

Baconzgood April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Distortion out of FOX? NOOOOOOOOO! Say it ain't so.

ManchuCandidate April 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Hey hey Newt. I txtd CNN and they say it was only a pity date. They also said that they're beginning to regret it and they really didn't like that you stuck them for the bill which was $100 worth of Hooters wings and eight diet cokes plus their Cesar salad and glass of Hooters "house" wine.

Fox n Fiends April 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

MORE DRESSAGE

Nostrildamus April 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Callista'll look great with a snaffle bit.

larryfinexx April 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Newt would be better off if he missed one or two of those fancy dinners Calista so much wants to go to.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Why does Fox keep dumping such eligible shit bags for Mitt? Newt thinks Rupert Murdoch gave in and finally went for looks and not personality.

Maybe Newt has cancer?

LesBontemps April 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Fox used to date Rick Santorum and did the same thing to him leaving him frothing at the mouth!

What you did there — I see it.

weejee April 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Newt is pounding on the bathroom door and complaining while Portnoy Murdoch is sitting on the throne with magic undies over his head. Well maybe Ruppie isn't just sitting.

SorosBot April 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

That's two Newt images in a row; what are you trying to kill all our sex drives here?

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Mine committed suicide after the shirtless Santorum photo

Oblios_Cap April 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Newt can't go to the Correspondents' Dinner. They don't take checks.

LiveToServeYa April 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Whine moar, Newtie.

smrtmnky April 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

homeroom is, like, going to be totes tense now

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Maybe Fox will learn its lesson and stay at home popping out babies and making Newt a sandwich next time.

Poindexter718 April 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Yes, Newton, it's the media's fault you were summarily rejected. This paranoid puss bag makes circe 1973 Richard Nixon look well-adjusted and Sarah Palin seem emotionally intelligent.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

He talked shit about his former boss Fox News for divorcing him for Mitt Romney once he proved to be cancerous to the Republican party.

You can borrow my "the schaden freudes itself" tag, Erik Jay.

Forever, for free!

;-)

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Sorry Newt, Rupert's just not that into you.

Goonemeritus April 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I was a little worried about Newt’s job prospects in the unlikely event that he isn’t elected President for the next three terms. By biting the hand of his former employer he has burned some bridges. I suppose it’s a good thing being a historian is so lucrative.

Mumbletypeg April 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm

He talked shit about his former boss Fox News for divorcing him for Mitt Romney

Let's be frank… the real goose-egg no one wants to talk about:.. FOXnews wasn't even sure about having the Romneys and the Gingriches in the same room, lest MittBot and Callistron get their wires crossed, start swapping signals and igniting a little extramarital rendez-voodoo. These artificial agents pervading the GOP are the real Achilles' heel for them, I'm sure.

BaldarTFlagass April 12, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Maybe he can take over Pat Buchanan's old slot at MSNBC.

Extemporanus April 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Eww…

Lucidamente1 April 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

This guy isn't even smart enough to turn a losing GOP presidential bid into a nice gig at Fox, like Huckabee. What a maroon!

Mahousu April 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Psst, Fox – forget that Joe Muto character; here's your real mole.

SayItWithWookies April 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm

So Newt's prepping to play the martyr card — when he gets excoriated by the teabaggers criticizing FOX Criminal Enterprises, he'll get on their case because he's telling it like it is, and blame them for not being able to handle his tough assessment of reality, allowing him to finish as a loser but with his faux sense of honor and self-righteous talking points intact. There's lots of money — and far less risk — to be made as a professional also-ran, as Sarah Palin found out.

James Michael Curley April 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Best Quote of the day; "Washington, D.C. area commuters are advised that all buses have been rerouted today to drive over Hilary Rosen, by order of the Democratic National Committee, so expect service delays." Jason Linkins on Huffypoo.

slithytoves April 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm

What is this? Newt day at Wonkette? Enough already!

FakaktaSouth April 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Clearly, the current political environment that Speaker Gingrich was an incredibly important instigator into vis a vis the "right wing conspiracy" has become a provider of unequal treatment for the failed candidate.

A classic case of he who smelt it, dealt it. So suck it.

Tundra Grifter April 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Memo to Ole Newt:

When they haul your big white ass out of the office, it's probably not a good long-term career move to pee in the corner before you go.

Chet Kincaid April 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Erik, your shit is consistently too long. Cut it in half and stop trying so hard.

actor212 April 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Aren't you worried he might snip his ballsack if he cuts his shit in half?

CthuNHu April 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Yeah, but bare-chested Mitt on a dressage horse. When did Sara K. Smith give us that?

fitley April 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I don't know if there's room for Spewt at TeaNN. They already have Erik"Encephalitic Head" Erikson and Dana "The Rock and Roll Wee Wee Queen" Loesch mesmorizing audiences.

barto April 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Aw, Fox told Newt she would totally be his girlfriend if she weren't in the business…

MarionNYNY April 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I'm taking bets: He goes broke, she leaves him in ten, nine, eight…
She gets fat or old he leaves her in ten, nine, eight…

Antispandex April 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

"…and we’re more likely to get distortion out of FOX. That’s just a fact.”

I am an honest guy, and I can admit when I am wrong. It is NOT impossible for Newt to tell the truth. Even when he doesn't mean to. I'm sorry.

Generation[redacted] April 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Ha! Newt writes checks that nobody can cash!

GOPCrusher April 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Why is it, every time I see a picture of Callista, the first word that pops into my head is "rictus"?

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

CNN is less biased than FOX this year. We are more likely to get neutral coverage out of CNN than we are of FOX, and we’re more likely to get distortion out of FOX. That’s just a fact.”

Duh.

CthuNHu April 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

"I've never known anyone so shameless and cruel and dishonest; he cheated on me and never respected me and made fun of me in front of our friends and now that magnificent ape won't come back to me!"

Come here a minute April 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

His bank also can't cash the check, just like all the others.

donner_froh April 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

People who say "the wife" are morons although we knew that about Newt already.

usuhname April 12, 2012 at 5:35 pm

its a big plus – saves learning new names

greenide1 April 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Newt needs more attention (and bucks) than he's been getting lately, so his next TV stop is Cartoon Network. He's planning a show with Herman Cain called "Sinky and the Cain," where they circle the drain together and then end up in the sewer where they belong.

usuhname April 12, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Newt better get tested. The places Fox has been on-air that we know about our bad enough; we can hardly begin to imagine the santorum-fuelled debauchery that takes place off-air.

Fox…what a whore.

chascates April 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Clearly the wrong GIngrich was running. Callista would have gotten more delegates and less bad press. And Newt would make the most fascinating First Lady in history.

Preacher_Griz April 12, 2012 at 7:50 pm

That is NOT right to say mean words about Fair and Balanced Fox News, but I stil would have Prof Speaker Lobbyist Newt! Gingrich's baby.

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 12:11 am

This is about as good a condemnation of CNN as you'll find. A Newt Gingrich endorsement is the fat, wet kiss of death.

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 12:46 am

This is the very defintion of rebound sex. That bitch Fox put him out, so now he's going out with CNN…and making sure Fox sees it so that Fox can be jealous.

Negropolis April 13, 2012 at 12:54 am

Newt put Fox out in Dover…'cause she wouldn't suck his dick.

Pat_Pending April 13, 2012 at 2:02 am

OOH!!! I've been waiting for someone to work the 'Dressage' angle!! Ann Romney is big into that shit! That's where a load of the Bain Capital money has been gone, converted to big green manure piles!!

Ann is a part owner of several Olympic hopefuls, including 14-year-old Rafalca, ridden by Jan Ebeling of Moorpark, CA (oh so close to the La Jolla compound with the car elevator). Lest anyone think this is an adorable past time, imagine just how many 'Bains' have to be shoveled out to cover just the flight costs of a 1300-lb equine from SoCal to Europe several times a year. Add to that the economic chills and thrills of international competition! Whee!!! I believe Ann owns something like five or so of the oversized equids. Carrots, anyone??

ttommyunger April 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Newt and Calista have almost got the "We Venusians can look almost exactly like you Earthlings" look down pat. Neat!

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