let's have a cold war

Who Do You Think Are Florida Rep Allen West’s ’80 Communists’ In The House of Representatives?

If they drown then they are innocentIf Florida Representative Allen West says there are 80 Communists in the House, then there are 80 Communists in the House! (Allen West is not talking about your garden-variety Barack Hussein Obama Communists; he is talking about actual members of the Communist Party!) But he leaves unanswered the very important question of WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY! You cannot just say there are Communists in the House and then coyly leave out who they are and what their Queen of Diamonds will be! We cannot restart HUAC all on our lonesome, we need brave and fearless leadership to restart it for us! Otherwise, the children will not be able to sleep in their beds for fear of being grabbed by 1952!

So who are Allen West’s 80 House Communists? Let us witch-hunt together, after the jump!

John Boehner.
Ben Quayle.
Gabby Giffords.
California (all of it, Katie).
Ralph Nader.
Alec Baldwin.
Fidel Castro.
Steve King.
Jim Sensenbrenner.
Jerry Nadler.
John Dingell.
Jean Schmidt.
Jean D’Arc
Jean-Bertrand Aristide.
Margaret Thatcher.
Ronald Reagan.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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    1. JohnnyQuick

      "It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works."

      Clearly Allen West is experiencing "loss of essence."

    2. Guppy

      The interesting thing is that, in the intervening 50 years, there's only been a net increase of 23 Communists from the original 57 spices spies.

    3. Limeylizzie

      That was a magnificent film, my girl Angela was fantastique and was only 32 or so when she played that lovely mother about 2 or /3 years older than Laurence Harvey as her son. That is fine screen acting, right there.

    1. oldedinvn

      Living in a commie country as I do, I know commies gooder than most. Sorry editrix, Joan weren't not a commie. The original french fry yes, commie no.

    2. SorosBot

      You can still find communists in America – of course, they're all just college students out to shock people who will get over it in a few years.


      But after the 50s come the 60s, and the 70s! Yes, back to LSD, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, L'Imagination au Pouvoir, mini-skirts e tutti quanti. No, wait.

    2. sullivanst

      Just not the actual 50s with its progressive income tax and massive highway building programs and high rates of unionization in manufacturing.

      The Conservapedia 50s where Ronald Reagan was President and there was no tax because Ayn Rand. But wimminz knew their place (except for Ayn Rand and Phyllis Schlafly, because they have honorary penises).

    3. GeorgiaBurning

      They want the TV 1950's. That's what's been burned into them. Dad has a job at "the office", and comes home at 5 PM wearing a suit. Mom cooks dinner wearing a dress, heels and nice jewelry. The kids never cuss. There are no "gays", only people who are a little flamboyant. Money isn't an issue, gas is 15 cents a gallon. Everybody is a shade of grayish white and lives in a well-kept house on a street named after a tree. Also, every 15 minutes someone comes on and tells you how cigarettes are so wonderful. It's a total wet dream for these people.

    4. clblabin

      There are now two main groups of Republicans. There's the Santorum wing, which wants to take us back to the 50s, and the more moderate Romney wing, which is content to just go back to the 1950s.

  1. DaRooster

    Yep, wouldn't want to all work together for a common good… we should hate and shit on everyone that needs something… because hey, money!!

  2. donner_froh

    “I really wish that, standing here before you, was Allen West and President Obama,” West said. “We could have a simple discussion. But that ain’t ever gonna happen.”

    “Why not?” an audience member asked

    "Because the President isn't an idiot and I am" said West.

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      Congressman Zhou Enlai is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life. And the propaganda campaign materials published by his PAC, We Love America, LLC, a wholly-owned division of People's Liberation Army Overseas Strategic Enterprises (Thanks, Citizens United!!) has entirely-truthful brochures to peruse…

  3. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Thank God someone's finally addressing this vital issue. Next, I hope Rep. West will pressure the administration to keep Quemoy and Matsu from falling into the clutches of the Red Chinese.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Which one of the 80 "lost China"? Maybe Allen West is confused about some of his wife's/girl friend's/ latest rent boy's dishes being misplaced.

  4. widestanceromance

    I "heard" that West raped and murdered a white girl, but I do not know if it is true or not.

  5. Not_So_Much

    Perhaps if someone fired a gun next to his head it would jog his memory?

    It's clear that he's not what you call "book smart".

    1. Veritas78

      He already tried that, and it didn't work. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying again.

    1. Allmighty_Manos

      The whole Berlin Wall falling thing was just a trick to fool freedum luvin Americans into complacency.

  6. WiscDad

    What the fuck ever. The more the Conservative party fishes for followers with this type of rhetoric the more they push away the moderates. I think it's fucking great. ALL OF 'EM KATIE!!!!

    1. James Michael Curley

      Tail Gunner Joe and his Senate hearings resulted in a democratic sweep 1956 through the senate and house which lasted 40 years inbroken in the house and almost unbroken for 40 years in the senate.

  7. Preacher_Griz

    ALL congresscritters who advocate reparations are communist socialists. You can draw a straight line from the reparations movement to the Kremlin and Peking Palaces. This is what Gen Rep Allen West is saying.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Peking Palace? Shit! That means I can't go to that Chinese buffet without fear of being watched by Allen West. Here, Allen, have some fugu.

      1. sewollef

        Oh dear, no, no, no…. I'm heading over to the Federal Republic of Germany to snap up my 1957 Mercedes SL300 Gullwing. The original.


    1. reasonbran

      Susan Komen for the Cure: Komen as in "Komenist." Whaddya think, all those pink ribbons don't mean nuthin'?

  8. Mumbletypeg

    You cannot just say that and …coyly leave out who they are

    State representative Mae Beavers (R-TN) will have you know that what she does and/or doesn't know about the subjects of her legislatin's and objects of her accusations is beside the point.. Right after she finishes quizzing Allen West about his long-form birth certificate.

  9. ChernobylSoup

    I'm glad to see the Republicans going all out to shore up the Gen Y vote. Millennials HATE commies.

  10. AddHomonym

    We must begin to bomb a random South East Asian country. Preferably secretly. Get on this, Allen! At once!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe we can engineer another coup d'etat in Guatemala on behalf of United Fruit, while we're at it.

  11. Oblios_Cap

    O/T, but that's about as stupid as Rush Limbaugh psychoanalyzing Tiger Woods. Which is what the USA Today reported.

    Like anyone cared.

  12. Lucidamente1

    Though when West says he "heard" they are 80 commies in the House, he didn't say that it was the voices in his head.

  13. metamarcisf

    I was lookin’ high and low for them Reds everywhere
    I was lookin’ in the sink and underneath the chair
    I looked way up my chimney hole
    I even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl
    They got away . . .

  14. MissTaken

    Oh thank God! I'm so happy SOMEONE is finally addresses the Pinko Commie Scourge in Congress instead of that stupid thing about creating jobs. Priorities people!

    1. SorosBot

      Hey, now that most people have realized that Muslim terrorists are no real threat to us again we need some bogeyman to keep the people scared and in line; why not bring back the last one?

  15. HippieEsq

    I'm waiting for the NY Times piece about the eavesdropping and surveillance equipment West boosted from the Army and has deployed in various offices around the Hill. He's not just bugged by Wasserman-Schultz…. He's bugged her!

    (Politico will scoop this)

  16. Allmighty_Manos

    Someone should remind Rep. West that if this really was the 50's, his state wouldn't have even let him near a voting booth, not to mention Congress.

    1. Lizzietish81

      Not anymore, he lost the primary. I bet its someone from Mississippi, NO ONE would expect that!

  17. An_Outhouse

    I nominate Louise Slaughter. She does good work and achieves benefits for her constituents so she must be a commie.

  18. Man0nTheStreet

    Perhaps West is referring to the members of his congressional Tea-bag class of 2010? There's about 80 of those America-hating numb-skulls, right?

  19. wood50

    MisMash 2012

    Allen West as Frank Burns.

    Add Sirruh Palin as Hot Lips and you've got Fox's newest reality show!

    But, who gets to play Col. Flag?

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      Man-on-Dog Rick is available is available to play Col Flag, now that Rmoney has smeared Santorum in order to glide to the nomination.

      1. Isyaignert

        "…smeared Santorum in order to glide…" I think I just threw-up in my mouth; however, I do appreciate your eloquence.

  20. __kth__

    Since 2010, the number of livestock molesters in the House is probably well above 80. But if their constituents vote them in, they have just as much right to be there as people who don't molest livestock.

  21. elviouslyqueer

    “I really wish that, standing here before you, was Allen West and President Obama,” West said. “We could have a simple discussion. But that ain’t ever gonna happen.”

    “Why not?” an audience member asked.

    “Cuz he was too scared!” West responded in a mocking voice.

    Oh please, Allen. The only reason why Barry would even be remotely scared is from fear of dickslapping you so hard that it would send your glasses flying into orbit.

  22. widestanceromance

    I will believe this man's 50s fetish when I see him address the House floor in a poodle skirt.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      If this fuckwit really wanted to bring back the 50's, he's better get his overalls and mop, 'cos there's no way the southern whites would be listening to a nigra bloviating into a microphone. He'd be cleaning up the place afterwards.

      1. widestanceromance

        Apparently, being greeted by fire hoses and followed by police dogs gives him a feeling of nostalgia and dreams of a simpler and better time.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Nice, however I am not a citizen, but I do have a fan-base here in the hood, so it would be a great fight

        1. widestanceromance

          I "heard" long-form birth certificates are very easy to forge. . .if you know the right people. . .who can get things done. . .for a price. . .

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, they are getting to release the remake of Red Dawn. North Korean commies instead of Rooskie, though.

  24. el_donaldo

    Wow. Really? The dude's always been a bit over the top, but this brings the notion of laughably crazy to a whole new level. Something kicked into overdrive.

    Ten to one that in a year he's either dead, gay and out, or serving time.

  25. Dudleydidwrong

    Allen, Allen. If you're going to be a fear mongerer First Class, you need to pick something more current:

    At least 80 Democratic representatives are snakehead fish;

    More than 80 Democratic House members are responsible for melting glaciers;

    If you hold any of 80 Democratic representatives too close to your head they will cause brain tumors;

    Continental drift is caused by the combined efforts of 80 Democratic leaders in our Congress;

    See? That's how to do it. Don't dredge up the 50s; draw from today's septic tanks.

      1. SorosBot

        We're talking about something that's bad and frightening here, not something that will almost certainly be awesome.

  26. SorosBot

    Next, will Rep. West protect us from the threat of the Ottoman Turks? How about the Mongol hordes or the Huns?

  27. labman57

    Disinformation 101: conservative pundits and politicians take turns making crap up and then proceed to cite each other ("There are stories out there that blah, blah, blah occurred/was said/etc.") as justification for propagating the fallacious stories.

    This is what happens when your primary sources of "factual" information are right wing blogs and the local supermarket rags. Anyone can tell anyone anything about anything — it doesn't make it necessarily true.

    And yet this is the clown that Palin and Cain think would be the ideal choice for Romney's running mate …

    So in an effort to garner support from moderates and independents, the Republican nominee should choose someone whose claim to fame is a steady stream of irrational, inflammatory hyperbole that would put Bachmann, Gingrich, and Santorum to shame.

  28. a_pink_poodle

    We need a set of tribunals to ferret out these communists at all costs to our liberties and freedoms going as far as making accusations without any evidence whatsoever! I think I'll call it… Americanism!

  29. Tundra Grifter

    I can not recommend too highly the documentary "The McCarthy Years" about Edward R. Murrow and Tailgunner Joe. It is absolutely outstanding!

    Particularly relevant today is the speech by President Dwigt Eisenhower when he talks about in America we face our accuser. Given the ramifications of the Patriot Act, these are words well worth listening to and remembering.

    As the conservatives do their level best to thrust us back into the 1950's, we all need to fully understand what that time and place really was like. Perhaps every six decades or so we have to go through this process, like a butterfly being born. Again.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Eric Bentley's "Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been?" is also essential reading. Bentley merely took actual House testimony and constructed a play out of it. A public reading of it on the House floor seems like a pretty good idea to me right now.

  30. thefrontpage

    Here are some of the other Communists in the current U.S. Congress, according to the Joint Committee on Communists in the Congress:

    1. Alexander Solzineatzhen.

    2. Vladimir Pushkin.

    3. Nicholas Tsarvich.

    4. Natasha Bullwinkle.

    5. Joseph Mccarthy.

    6. Oleg Russkie.

    7. Peter Petersburg.

    8. Marty Moscow.

    9. Angelina Jolieavich.

    10. Chuck Norrissivitch.

    11. Vladimir Putin.

    12. Zbegniew Yurakomy.

  31. owhatever

    Rep. West will place a private call to Sean Hannity and provide the names of those House members who are in the Communist Party, under the condition that Hannity does not tell anybody.

  32. JustPixelz

    He "heard" that somewhere. Hey, I've heard things too!

    I heard Sarah Palin™ is a no talent loser who can't keep her husband satisfied.

    I heard Dubya Bush sat in stunned silence for seven minutes while his fellow citizens fought for their lives in hijacked airplanes on September 11th.

    I heard Mitt Romney gets apoplectic with anger if you don't extend your pinky finger while drinking tea.

  33. GemlikeFlame

    Dear Christ on a pogo stick. Didn't this particular brand of self-righteous stupidity die out in the 60s?

    Apparently not. "I have in my hand a list of 80 Communists in the House of Representatives."

    Next time I hear that I'm going to call in a nuclear strike on the speaker, collateral damage be damned.

  34. MadBrahms

    " I’m here as the modern-day Harriet Tubman, to kind of lead people on the Underground Railroad, away from that plantation into a sense of sensibility.”

    So the Democrats are running a plantation, which is also a Gulag, and Allen West is a woman, and he is going to lead the blahs to freedom, to Canada, maybe? Or New England? If he were any trippier, I'd be tasting that article.

    1. George Spelvin

      I missed that quote, which is a serious fucking insult to the memory of Harriet Tubman.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      All he needs to do is bring up John Wayne like he did the other day so you could also have him drawing support from a racist draft-dodger.

  35. Isyaignert

    Let's see… in Communist China it is illegal to organize labor and who is it that wants to destroy labor in the USA? The Republicons of course; ergo, the Republicon party are the Commies.

  36. Isyaignert

    Anyone else see that scientifc study that proved that homophobes are in fact, repressed homosexuals? Perhaps someone ought to investigate Alan "Gumby" West's unAmerican activities. Methinks he doth protest too much.

  37. gurukalehuru

    Well, that means that there are more communists in the House than other people.

    Also, too, while we're just stone cold throwing out names of people who aren't even IN Congress, might I suggest Gloria All Red.

  38. Troglodeity

    Am waiting breathlessly for Rep. Darrel Issa to convene a special committee hearing and fully investigate Rep. West's charges.

  39. ttommyunger

    All I need to know about Florida: Rick Scott and Allen West are elected officials there.

    1. Designer_Rants

      And that Rick Scott spent $75million of his own money buying a job that will NEVER pay him more than a small fraction (legally) of that fortune back. I don't think anyone can explain that to me in terms I can understand.

      1. ttommyunger

        Maybe it opens opportunities for huge grift. Governors have been known to benefit richly from the inside information they possess, i. e. : Georgia's Sonny Perdue and his land deals.

        1. Designer_Rants

          Still doesn't make sense to me, cuz usually people who graft are poor-ish, and want to use the influence office to enrich themselves. This guy already HAD at least $75mil to throw in the gutter. Maybe it's just as simple as he is addicted to being "top dog" at an organization, and since his former company was left with the "Largest Medicare Fraud Case Ever", he prolly wasn't welcome at the helm there, or many other large corporations. And managing the Subway sandwich shop down the street wasn't prestigious enough. So he went with…. Florida. No matter what, he was gonna be Top Dog of Florida.

      2. MosesInvests

        Mandatory drug testing for everything-owns clinics that do drug testing (oops, sorry. He doesn't own them anymore-his *wife* does! No conflict of interest here, folks!

  40. biblioteq_tress

    Please. If there were 80 commies in the house, we would have gotten single payer health care. We should be so lucky.

  41. PubOption

    I thought Republicans supported the reds now, since GWB came up with the expression 'Red State'.

  42. greenide1

    Ward, I'm worried about Florida. I think there must be some kind of BP-induced hallucinogenic in the water. Or maybe a big cloud of crazy has floated over from Cuba. Seriously. Can we stage an intervention?

  43. reasonbran

    Oops, just learned that this was a partial quote and taken out of context. West was being a smart-ass, he didn't mean it literally. Ergo my deleting my prior post, ergo this note to myself: remember not to take videos at face value.

  44. swordfis

    Why isn't Eric Cantor on the list? It's obviously him, doing everything he can to undermine the Republican Party. Send him to Gitmo and make him name names.

  45. SorosBot

    But why would he go with the flop based on some obscure ancient TV show over the upcoming blockbuster based on the classic comic that's being ongoing for almost 50 years?

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