FLOTUS FILES  11:15 am April 11, 2012

Michelle Obama Appears on ‘Biggest Loser,’ Is Now a Kardashian

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Have you seen that show on the E! television network featuring a bunch of whiny girls whose names all start with the letter “K” and their [step]father, played by a melted-down Ken doll? It is the “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” show, and somehow, it is one of the most highly rated reality television programs that exists, so let’s all poison ourselves, after we discuss FLOTUS. We live in an age of “reality” television, because reality is so horrifying these days, it tends to make for a fairly entertaining hour of television without much extra work required. Our obesity crisis is of course one element of our terrible reality, which is why there is a program on NBC called ‘The Biggest Loser,’ which is some sort of program about fat people (your FLOTUS correspondent does not watch this program, because it disgusts her). These days, where there’s a camera and fat people, there’s our First Lady Michelle Obama, making them wish they had never heard of a Double Down Sandwich. Our Michelle appeared on ‘The Biggest Loser’ last night, so it’s pretty much next stop: workouts with Bruce Jenner and hijinks about Kendall’s Super Sweet 16, etc. etc.

In last night’s episode, Michelle Obama invited everyone from ‘The Biggest Loser’ to the White House so they could get their sweat all over the place and listen to some inspiring words from our First Lady of Fitness, like “As long as you mostly eat fruits and vegetables, it’s fine to have just one little snack on the weekend.” Maybe not the most practical advice for people who have severe binge eating problems, but we will try, FLOTUS!

The point of Michelle Obama’s appearance on this show appears to be to promote her Let’s Move! initiative and in the long-term, stop people from becoming morbidly obese. But prior to the episode airing, there was speculation that Michelle Obama was really going on the teevee so she could keep up with those awful Kardashians! Let’s explore.

The first lady is not only taking part in the show but also opening up the White House as a backdrop for the show’s challenges and group workouts. Many view this foray into reality television as the perfect extension of the first lady’s Let’s Move exercise campaign.

But it’s not all positive feedback. There are those that look at it as another PR stunt to save her husband’s presidency. Others think of it as a lowbrow move for a first lady since reality TV shows are the realms of housewives craving socialite status and has-been actors searching for a second chance at the spotlight. A world populated by the likes of the Kardashians, Snooki and Andy “Mazel” Cohen. Reality TV is contrarian to the image of someone who should be aspirational and regarded on a pedestal.

What ever could our First Lady to do compensate for this misguided adventure toward the Jersey Shore?

For starters, she should give all the contestants who made it to the White House a pair of the Lanvin sneakers she’s been seen wearing. She should also go all out and up the stakes on the show. Apart from the cash prize that awaits the contestant who loses the most weight, the first lady should make the winner the face of her Let’s Move initiative thereby becoming Beyonce’s co-star in the next workout videos.

And as added motivation, she should give away one of her museum-worthy Jason Wu or Thakoon dresses should the winner be a woman. And if the winner is a man, perhaps a round of golf or game of basketball with President Obama should come with The Biggest Loser title.

Nothing like reaffirming gender stereotypes to really get the blood flowing during a workout! No matter what the critics say, we will continue to follow our FLOTUS’ journey through our television programs, until she becomes a guest on ‘Law & Order: SVU.’ A line must be drawn. [Forbes]

 
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{ 114 comments }

nounverb911 April 11, 2012 at 11:16 am

Gingrich is still the biggest loser.

EloquentScience April 11, 2012 at 11:41 am

He needs to go on that show, though. He could lose a few pounds.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Mostly from his fat head.

Barb April 11, 2012 at 11:16 am

She's on Colbert tonight. I can't wait!

freakishlywrong April 11, 2012 at 11:32 am

She is? Cool!

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:38 am

Yes, talking about a new initiative she has with respect to the children of military personnel.

Not like that will stop the right from smearing her…

freakishlywrong April 11, 2012 at 11:42 am

And calling her fat. I'm lookin' at you, Flush, you fat hack.

iburl April 11, 2012 at 11:52 am

Hey! He's only fat because you Feminazis won't let him load up on fist-fulls of Prescription heroin anymore. When he was chasing the dRxagon, he was as physically fit as, let's say, David Beckham.

skoalrebel April 11, 2012 at 11:19 am

Yeah, she's a loser. [spit!] Unlike me, the Grand Wizard of Winning! [spit!] Watch and learn, Michelle, watch and learn.

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:38 am

That Grand Wizard title come with a cool hood?

skoalrebel April 11, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Damn straight! [spit!] And speakin' of th Kardashians, even though they're furriners, ya gotta like folks who name the kids Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney. [spit] Seems downright white of 'em.

edgydrifter April 11, 2012 at 11:21 am

If you care at all about "Lanvin," "Jason Wu," or "Thakoon," you are the biggest loser.

SorosBot April 11, 2012 at 11:34 am

I have no clue who any of those people are, and am glad for it.

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:39 am

I think they're all cricketers.

nounverb911 April 11, 2012 at 11:48 am

Wasn't Cricket one of the Mouseketeers?

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:55 am

By Jiminy, I believe you're right!

George Spelvin April 11, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Shit, you're old.

Beowoof April 11, 2012 at 11:21 am

More leftist just trying to get in the way of regular folks having a big bacon classic with a super large coke and huge fries. And then on top of it trying to give you low cost health care to ameliorate the damage you are doing with your eating. The horror.

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Whatever happened to the Freedom Tray?

Chill-A-Sketch April 11, 2012 at 11:22 am

Michelle's behind is still better than Kim's.

SorosBot April 11, 2012 at 11:35 am

And it's actually real, not silicone.

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:39 am

Kardashian's butt is silicone?

Unpossible! We need to test that theory.

SexySmurf April 11, 2012 at 11:44 am

I guess no one saw the episode where Kim had it x-rayed, proving her ass is real? Not me because I certainly don't watch that trash. Hey, who else here watches Downton Abby? Isn't it just so highbrow.

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:54 am

I'm waiting for the porn version, Abby's Downtown

SorosBot April 11, 2012 at 11:47 am

I'm pretty sure that body has none of its original parts.

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:54 am

You're a bot, so you'd know!

Limeylizzie April 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

As a person with somewhat of a prominent bottom, the best comment I have received on it was in Venice , CA as i was walking to the gym and a bunch of urban gentlemen said "Hi" to me and I said 'Hello" back to them and as I was walking away I heard one of them say , "Look at the shitter on that critter". Fucking best compliment ever!

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 8:25 pm

OK. I mean, I will, if you'd like.

LEMME SEE IT ALREADY!!!!

hagajim April 11, 2012 at 11:23 am

In a world of reality teevee….we are all the biggest losers.

DaRooster April 11, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Thank God!!

Lascauxcaveman April 11, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Only if you actually watch that shit.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2012 at 11:24 am

As long as she doesn't go on that show where they eat bugs and stuff, I'm cool with this.

AlterNewt April 11, 2012 at 11:24 am

Do people watch that? No, really, do people watch that shit?

freakishlywrong April 11, 2012 at 11:44 am

Yep. And Dancing with the Stars. And Allen West in a Congressman and we have a weepy drunk as the Speaker of the House.

AlterNewt April 11, 2012 at 12:07 pm

That can't be true.

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 12:41 pm

"IN a Congressman"?

Oh, do DISH!

DaRooster April 11, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Not people per se.

widestanceromance April 11, 2012 at 11:25 am

Let me say in all seriousness: FLOTUS LIBEL!

FakaktaSouth April 11, 2012 at 11:26 am

Michelle, thou art too lovely for this nonsense – I am proud of you for trying to help people, especially the ones accountable for like half of the money spent on healthcare in this fatass country. I hope she challenges Colbert to push ups too.

EloquentScience April 11, 2012 at 11:42 am

He did pretty well with the CEO of GM.

FakaktaSouth April 11, 2012 at 11:53 am

Yeah old Stephen did aight. I just wish Bob Lutz wasn't a Global Warming denier 'cause that 80 year old is FINE and in damn good shape. I got an old man jones on today for some reason.

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 12:04 pm

^— 54 ;-)

FakaktaSouth April 11, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Shoot, that ain't old! (39 for a few more months. Older I get the younger everyone is)

Chet Kincaid April 11, 2012 at 12:27 pm

>50 Libel!!

ttommyunger April 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I have the cure fer that, heh, heh.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2012 at 11:27 am

"another PR stunt to save her husband’s presidency."

Actually, I think that the Republicans are doing a fine job saving her husband's presidency, he really doesn't need any help.

WiscDad April 11, 2012 at 11:27 am

When she was doing squats with the fatties, I think I heard her fart.

ttommyunger April 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I would pay ten dollars to listen to her pee in a tin can over the telephone….

vulpes82 April 11, 2012 at 11:27 am

History's greatest monster.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2012 at 11:38 am

Makes Bloody Queen Mary look like that Hints from Heloise woman, by comparison.

Steverino247 April 11, 2012 at 11:28 am

OK. I need to come clean on this. The reason we're putting drones up over the United States is so we can send Hellfire missiles into the homes of persons detected watching reality shows, especially those involving persons whose last names start with K, stupid names that rhyme with nookie, and the use of the vagina as a clown car.

MissTaken April 11, 2012 at 11:30 am

I now fully support the drone program. Thank you!

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:40 am

I'd double fist you if I could.

Steverino247 April 11, 2012 at 2:02 pm

There's not enough lube in the world, my friend. Nor enough alcohol, come to think of it.

MissTaken April 11, 2012 at 11:29 am

Yes, showing people exercising and eating well is exactly the same as staging a fake wedding with a pro-basketball player for $20 million and then divorcing 70 days later to start dating Kanye West. Exactly the same.

freakishlywrong April 11, 2012 at 11:46 am

And they're all Republicans. You know, fambly values.

SorosBot April 11, 2012 at 11:49 am

What I want to know how people can put down Michelle for promoting healthy eating on a reality show when they championed the aborted fake presidential campaign of Donald Trump and support the professional reality famewhore Palin family.

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Blah counteracts a multitude of virtues.

DaRooster April 11, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Yep, you know… reality.

mavenmaven April 11, 2012 at 11:30 am

Look at the author of that blog, looks and reads like he's auditioning for Republican rent-boy-for-hire.

Oblios_Cap April 11, 2012 at 11:31 am

Will she bring basketballs with her picture on them, too?

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Opens a whole new dimension to the term "Ballin'!"

Oblios_Cap April 11, 2012 at 12:15 pm

All you need is to get some leverage, and it's all good.

donner_froh April 11, 2012 at 11:32 am

I am down with the Kardashians since Kourtney deep throating the zucchini showed up on my Wonkette.

SorosBot April 11, 2012 at 11:32 am

"Have you seen that show on the E! television network"

No. Don't know what show you're referring to, but the answer is definitely no.

FakaktaSouth April 11, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Hey yay this is one time I can say, me neither, I don't happen to even know what channel E is. (that in no way excuses the other horrid things I have admitted previously to watching, I understand, BUT I just wanted to get in on shitting on a tv show/channel FOR ONCE when I could.)

Generation[redacted] April 11, 2012 at 12:59 pm

True story. Back in the 90s, when the Internet was hot and everybody was prefixing their company with the letter "e" or postfixing it with "-online" I was at some dot-com launch party talking to a girl who mentioned she worked at "eOnline" … I said, "Isn't that redundant?'

Now that I know what E! Online is, I'm somewhat grateful that it didn't work out.

FakaktaSouth April 11, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I love when a person is too smart to understand a pop culture derivative. That definitely worked in your favor that time.

proudgrampa April 11, 2012 at 11:32 am

I think this is the kind of thing that this proverb is intended to address:

"Familiarity breeds contempt."

"Biggest Losers?" Michelle, really?

freakishlywrong April 11, 2012 at 11:34 am

Has Robert Weissberg called her a schvatza yet?

DalePues April 11, 2012 at 11:35 am

Reality televisioin. Too bad all those writers went on strike!

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:37 am

FReeping The Flotus?

Mumbletypeg April 11, 2012 at 11:39 am

Am I the only one who remembers when Bruce Jenner could still be described as cute?

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 11:53 am

I remember when he could be described as "straight" if that helps.

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I'll just leave this here. (Bruce Jenner impression begins around 1:10)

finallyhappy April 11, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Without SNL, I would never have seen the K family or Bruce Jenner. I still do not understand why they have a TV show(the K's-not SNL). But then I don't understand why Jersey Shore is a show(and Bobby Moynihan is the only Snooki I have seen on TV). America is stupid, I guess

DrBobNM April 11, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Bruce at one time was an icon (at least to some). Oh how far he has fallen.

Chet Kincaid April 11, 2012 at 12:30 pm

His taxidermist, I mean cosmetic surgeon, probably remembers.

ttommyunger April 11, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Sure, if by cute you mean seriously perved.

elgin_pelican April 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Yes, but now he's so lifelike – and actual size, too!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 11, 2012 at 11:41 am

I am so sick and tired of these socialists telling me what to do all the time! All I want is to live the way I want to live, and be left alone. And to make sure that sluts don't get insurance to pay for contraceptives. And to ban abortion. And to make sure the kids will pray in the schools.

Callyson April 11, 2012 at 11:58 am

Reality TV is contrarian to the image of someone who should be aspirational and regarded on a pedestal.

And you kids get off my lawn!

el_donaldo April 11, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Just leave Kim's tits and ass the same size, Michelle, for me.

I know, I really hate myself, but I can't help it.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

MrLimeylizzie had an art show a few months ago and it was all about celebrity and LA etc and he did an excellent nude of Kim running and he made me run naked around the studio so he could get the tits to move correctly in the painting! http://www.flickr.com/photos/13152388@N00/6461599

el_donaldo April 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

From the Kim-sized bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I love that painting! This is good also.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/13152388@N00/6461602

el_donaldo April 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

2 paintings and nude studio running. I think I have enough. I'll be gone for a while. (Seriously, though – those are nice.)

mrblifil April 11, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I'm just waiting until she slips up and starts sprinkling "whitey" references into her conversations with Rachel Ray.

anniegetyerfun April 11, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Disgusted by fat people trying to lose weight, but not by politics, eh Blair? Interesting.

Nostrildamus April 11, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I thought Rick Santorum was the biggest loser.

rickmaci April 11, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Now we are all Kardashian's.

Limeylizzie April 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Does that mean I have to try the anal?

rickmaci April 11, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Donde los yikes!! TMI !!

Limeylizzie April 11, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Just a reference to what made her famous, rickmaci.

rickmaci April 11, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Bhahahahhahaha. The things one can learn here. I had no idea what it was that made her famous, beyond the generous obvious assets.

DrBobNM April 11, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Blair Burke is a supremely entertaining writer, I never miss her contributions to Wonkette. I love her ability to point out absurdity, regardless of political affiliation. Being an old conservative white guy, does that make me weird? Don't answer that.

__kth__ April 11, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Right, Forbes, reality shows about people trying to improve their lives are just like that show centered around that girl who made the porno in which she gets peed on.

Jus_Wonderin April 11, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Wasn't the President already on DWTS with Sarah Palin? I mean, I saw a photo of it, it's got to be true.

finallyhappy April 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

maybe you saw Urkel and got confused.

Generation[redacted] April 11, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Understandable. I get Sarah Palin and Urkel confused all the time.

SorosBot April 11, 2012 at 1:28 pm

One was an annoying and embarrassing caricature who slowly took over a show where they were just supposed to be a supporting side character; the other was a character on Family Matters.

MarionNYNY April 11, 2012 at 12:32 pm

FLOTUS floats so high above the rest of humanity that rather than lowering herself, her appearance raised the status of the Biggest Loser.

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Is it high enough we can look up her dress?

Generation[redacted] April 11, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Boioioioioioingggggg…

Chet Kincaid April 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Michelle Obama would do well to heed the Forbes advice of "Blue Carreon", Asia-based fashion and lifestyle Opinionator with Bruno-Mars-ish good looks. Obscure, frivolous fashion observers can doom her First-Ladyship!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blue-carreon

George Spelvin April 11, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Blue Carrion? Seriously?

DahBoner April 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

So, the string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot"

HAHAHAHAHAHA. What?

Nevermind…

Generation[redacted] April 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Not do be outdone, Ann Romney will appear on HGTV's Million Dollar Rooms and Callista Gingrich will star in an episode of Doomsday Preppers.

HELisforHEL April 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Yes, the Obamas are Elitist snobs, wearing designer duds (I mean, what First Lady has ever done that?!) and playing golf. Unlike Mittens and RobotronBabyPop, who merely ride their Dressage and "Missouri foxtrotter" Horsies, like poor people do all the time.

barto April 11, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"another PR stunt to save her husband’s presidency"

Let's just leave that to the other team, shall we?

ttommyunger April 11, 2012 at 2:06 pm

"Excuse me while I whip this thing out!" (Faps furiously)

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Um…now that I think about it,,,fapfapfap,,,,

actor212 April 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Why you sweet polite l'il thang!

I wish my body parts I felt as young as you think I am…

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 8:26 pm

^ 48. Young, in these parts. And I do mean parts, heh heh

OK, just hit me.

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