mind the gap

Herman Cain: Ladies Be Stupid (VIDEO!)

women be shoppin'Oh this is fun! For months the GOP has been sending special email lovenotes to Your Wonkette regarding how Romney is totally kicking Obama’s ass among Gyno-Americans, which is weird? Because Romney is actually down among women by 18, 19, or 437 percent, depending on who is doing the counting? (They have stopped sending those emails, because it was getting too pathetic even for them we guess.) But now noted ladykiller Herman Cain has Acknowledged the sad truth that the GOP is having a hard time because the womyn just will not shut their damn mouths even after the Republicans warned them! Anyway, here is how Ol’ Herb explains and dismisses the hilarious gender gap (hint: it is because women are stupid!):

But if you look at [Obama’s] policies, which is what most people disagree with, it’s a different story. And I think many men are much more familiar with the failed policies than a lot of other people, as well as the general public.

It’s true. Womyn do not understand policy on things outside caring about gas prices because they are busy driving the children to school and soccer practice. How could they understand, say, the economy, when they don’t even know how to get a job!

Anyways, here is your promised video of Herman Cain displaying the quick-thinking and wit of which we’ve all grown so fond. We particularly like when he realizes he is about to call women “stupid” and so catches himself by noting that the binary opposite of “men” is “other people.” Stupid ladies, bein’ stupid. Now bring Daddy summa that sugar!


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Joshua Norton

    displaying the quick-thinking and wit of which we’ve all grown so fond.

    Obviously, the pizza business pretty much runs itself.

    1. Rotundo_

      Flour, water, yeast, pinch of salt. Spread out, cover with semi-edible crap and bake. Provided you keep the suppliers and utilities and rent paid, and of course, the help, that pretty much covers it. I have a feeling he didn't do too much at Godfathers except glad handing the investors and grab-assing the help.

    2. Terry

      If you glance through the various vanity books CEO's tend to write, you do get the impression that companies are actually run by the career managers a level or so below the CEO.

    1. SorosBot

      To be fair, the pussies thing all us humans just life support systems for them, men too. (You're talking about kitties, right?)

        1. Barb

          Subsum, you look like you could use a a hot meal. Allow me to iron a shirt for you while we wait for the food to cook. : )

  2. MissTaken

    Hehe! I tried to read this post but all the words made with letters made my brain hurt. I'm a stupid "other person". Time to go pick up my kids from soccer practice and leave the politickin' to the menfolk!

    1. PhilippePetain

      It's okay, we understand that you're otherly abled. It's not that you're stupid, it's just that you're "unfamiliar" with this thing, the economy. I'm sure if you encountered it at all, your little noggin would be able to get at least a simple-ish grasp on it.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      I'm sorry you're all a-fluster Miss Taken. Here, let me massage your various lady parts, until you're back to rights.

    3. Dudleydidwrong

      Honeychile, if you ain't only barefoot and preggers you ain't a real 'Murican wommens. So take off them shoes and get preggers. Now.
      (This message sponsored by the Herman Cain for President Organization, Herman Cain, president and only member.)

    4. Negropolis

      Poor thing! It's a wonder they allow you guys to drive, what with all of the confusing traffic laws and stop signs and traffic lights and round-abouts and such.

  3. Rotundo_

    Yeppers, once womyn become aware that Mittens wants to close down Planned Parenthood and gut all assistance programs for children and the poor, I am sure there will be a thunderous change in their outlook towards mittens. Let my children and my grandchildren starve in the street or move back in with me! We need more tax cuts for the jerb creators!

  4. OC_Surf_Serf

    Herman purports the 3 P's Policy: Pussy, pizza, and pussy.

    (speaking of pees…I humbly thank you all for my sparkling new buck and a quarter)

  5. Lucidamente1

    Remember when Donald Regan said "Women aren't going to understand missile throw-weights or what's happening in Afghanistan or in human rights"? Good times.

    1. Callyson

      Yeah, I read that this had something to do with how women don't understand thrusts. In fairness, though, the women who got anywhere near Donald Regan would not want to know anything about thrusting…

  6. gullywompr

    There are three kinds of people in this world: 1) men, 2) other people, and 3) the general public, in that order.


      There are two kinds of people in the world: those who classify people in two kinds and those who don't.

        1. Doktor StrangeZoom


    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      I love that classic Carole King song, "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural General Population Member"

  7. PuckStopsHere

    The results of that second poll make me if not ashamed, uncomfortable at least, to be a man. I'd feel better if I could get a little certiorari, though.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    So is that what Sartre meant when he said "Hell is other people?" Probably if you're Mitt Romney.

    1. crybabyboehner

      I believe the full quote was, "Hell is other people who sing Jimmy Buffett songs at the beach bar next to your hotel."

  9. MissTaken

    Not only does he tell us women we're stupid, but then he expects us to suck his dick. Gotta give it to him, the man has balls.

    1. An_Outhouse

      In Wisconsin, that dick sucking now comes with lower pay, unless you're a dude, then you get full price.

  10. randcoolcatdaddy

    Please, Herman, don't try to be politically correct and hold back – tell us how you _really_ feel…

  11. elfgoldsackring

    Wait till they see the purty Mormon burqas they'll get to wear! That'll win those ladies over!

          1. anniegetyerfun

            Thanks. So far, so good, except for the whole no-drinking thing. I really miss drinking.

          2. Lascauxcaveman

            Oh, that's right. I think that may be why Mrs. Caveman and I never got around to having that third kid. Those, tall, frosty, Lime-heavy G'n'Ts I make for her every night were just too good to set down for a year or more.

            Still, it's worth it to have kids that aren't r3t@rded. Once Annie Jr. is done nursing, you can go back to your lushly ways.

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    You people with your vaginas and shit, wanting equal pay and respect and such. The nerve!!!

  13. Schmannnity

    Obviously men are smarter. Who could doubt that after listening to Herm's explanation of the Obama policy on Libya and, of course, Uzbeckybeckybeccyetceterastan

  14. Wile E. Quixote

    Hey, Herman's just following John Derbyshire's rules. He's a Republican shill at Fox News, which means that he's avoiding concentrations of blah people and is unlikely to have to leave due to a sudden increase in the number of blah people.

  15. elfgoldsackring

    It all equals out though, cos ladies only get 3/5 of a vote, divided by the total number of sister-wives.

  16. SorosBot

    Remember when failed presidential also-rans, particularly primary washouts, used to slink into the background after an embarrassing loss and drop off the national radar? Man I miss those times.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        You may have a point, whether or not you were serious about it.

        Do you think Nixon would ever had a chance at his 1968 comeback if he'd been making a public ass of himself 24/7 from '61 to '67?

        That seems to be the default mode of Republican also-rans nowadays.

    1. fuflans

      i was just thinking of that reagan era gaffe (i think reagan era? somebody in the cabinet? weinberger maybe?) about 'women' and 'nuclear throw weights' and 'not interested'.

      and the republicans have just gotten worse. much much worse.

    1. Geminisunmars

      Oh, I don't know. Mrs. Cain looked like she had worked out a pretty sweet deal for herself. After all, that is all any of us wommins really want. That sweet sweet support money.

    2. proudgrampa

      "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"
      "That wasn't no lady, that was my wife!"

  17. Fluffy_Kitties

    That was just like in an action flick, where the White dude's best bro, who just happens to be Black, has a heart-to-heart talk with the dude's girl friend, who is starting to get cold feet about shacking up with a wise-ass who's always talking smack to her face.

  18. rickmaci

    How is this thought for producing some Don Draperesq fevered nightmares: these guys could still win.

    1. Beowoof

      Ah the republican formula, opinion first and then look for data to support your opinion. If none exists, make that shit up.

    1. Radio福井県

      Now that it's pretty much down to Mitts, we are going to have to dig deeper or bust through a wall of comedy/snark to keep the pace at which we are accustomed. This may be Wonkettedoms finest hour.

      1. NellCote71

        Agreed on that. Only Newt is left standing, or lying, for comedic relief. And Grandpa Ron.

  19. Deportably_Jose

    OT, but apparently George Zimmerman has stopped talking to his lawyers, and is instead talking only to Sean Hannity, to the point where said lawyers have announced that they're no longer representing him. Oh, also, because of "stress", he's fled the state, but his former lawyers swear he's in an undisclosed location somewhere in the country.

    Now, I may just be a Simple Country Hyper-Chicken, but I don't think there's such a thing as Hannity-wingnut privilege. Also, I think fleeing the jurisdiction while under investigation is considered, at best, to be poor form.

    1. Negropolis

      You want to know what I'm worried about? His lawyers are saying he's under incredible stress and emotionally fragile, and I just want to know if this man was given his gun back. Because, if they don't know where he is, but know that he's holed up somewhere, things could go very wrong very quickly.

      It's why it's so crazy that this guy wasn't arrested sooner. Every day he's left on the streets makes this whole situation more explosive for everyone involved.

      1. McDonnellville

        No shit. I see certain patterns emerging from this story that indicate to me that this is not going to end well. I hope that I'm wrong. Zim does seem to have people who are justifying his actions (like his father) who are in denial about the possibility that he may have a major mental illness that led to the homicide of Trayvon. If he didn't even listen to the dispatcher who told him to stop following the kid, that's a major warning sign right there of mental instability.

        1. finallyhappy

          so my hope here is that he only offs himself and doesn't get another gun and kill others. I am not amazed that in our country, you can be the most mentally ill person- but you and your family will not seek treatment. It is better to be a killer, abuser, drug addict or drunk(or any combination) than to get mental health assistance. Of course, it is also horribly expensive but even people who can afford it often don't go(current/former GOP candidates and families/Fox new employees).

  20. fartknocker

    Herman must get all of his guidance from the stock photo women in his "Women for Herman Cain" website. The Napolean of Pizza needs to learn that his opinion is no longer relevant to voters. And the women in the Fartknocker home have a strong hatred for this man.

  21. Doktor StrangeZoom

    "Stupid people are ruining America"

    –Herman Cain, Fall 2011, shortly before the fatal explosion of the American Irony Institute

  22. MaxUdargo

    You know, it took me a little while, but by the time I was in my late 20s I had figured out that once you've said the wrong thing to a woman, there's no way to walk it back. You're just going to dig that hole deeper and deeper if you try. Just shut up, retreat, and go find a flower shop.

    The Republican Party still hasn't figured this out. They just keep digging.

  23. Antispandex

    Well, it's true. Men make up very little, if any, of the "general public". We are dumb that way. What with all of our map reading skills, we still can't find it. Sad.

  24. BlueStateLibel

    Oh hush, everyone knows that the most effective tactic to get people to vote for you is calling them stupid. I will definitely vote for Rmoney now!

    1. comrad_darkness

      Did he call it Lib Lib Lib E Ya Ya Ya because then we'd know he was taking it seriously.

  25. IceCreamEmpress

    Herman Cain has a wah problem. Not just with wah wah, but with wah of all colors. All the colors of the wah, to quote Pocahontas, a noted wah herself.

  26. comrad_darkness

    I would just like to post this for the record that Romney is going to pick McCain as his VP.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      Heh…let's fill our campaign of failure with a heapin' helpin' of failure from the 2008 election. What could go wrong?

  27. FakaktaSouth

    These other people are so stupid, always getting their heads stuck under the steering wheel when I am trying to create a job for them. Why does the general public keep putting its head in Herm's lap? So stupid.

  28. OneYieldRegular

    If there are any Godfather's employees out there contemplating filing a gender discrimination suit, their chances of obtaining a decent settlement just went way up.

  29. orygoon

    The Heir went to a very nice middle-tier liberal arts college. A friend of ours looked at the college with her daughter. They assign a prospective student a buddy and she/he sleeps overnight in a dorm. This girl was with a sorority girl in a sorority dorm–the dorm with this highest average GPA on the campus. I asked The Heir if he knew why. He did. Girls get higher grades. (Also, at graduation, more of them graduate with honors–anyway, in my experience.)

    Herman Cain or another troglodyte might say profs hand out better grades to the sweet young things–but it seems to me that an awful lot of the profs at that college were also of the supposedly non-bright gender, so I'm not havin' that.

    1. Designer_Rants

      Seriously, as a man, I'm starting to wonder what the fuck we're good for.

      And this thought recurs to me every time I hear a bunch of my state's or my country's male politicians bloviate on horseshit for hours to see who can pee the furthest. Why aren't there more ladies in the gov't? Is it because if they ran off to run the country, the Real Nightmare of them not being around to run the nation's families start to set in? Or what? I don't get it.

      And maybe it would be Just As Bad if women, as a percentage of the population, were proportionally represented in leadership. But I doubt it.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I'm sorry, but us wimmins have reached true equality lately, in one respect. Wimmin politicians seem just as capable of being full of shit as the menfolks are. I'm sure I don't have to make a list for you.

        1. Designer_Rants

          New Rule: All female pols have to be like Hillary.

          But seriously, I still can't forget the study I heard about on NPR (can't find a link) where all men are still just trying to impress the ladies with their penises when they're on a committee or talking on the House floor, and so they act like idiots. I think Lady Idiot is better than Dude Idiot, and I still don't get where all the ladies are at when there are more of you in the general population. Maybe you're just too smart to go into gov't.

          1. James Michael Curley

            Will be remembered through history for many firsts. For me it will be the electrifying " I am not going to sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminution, the subversion, the destruction, of the Constitution." I think it is the turning point at which the House Judiciary Committee discovered the balls to vote the articles of impeachment.

          2. sullivanst

            I think Lady Idiot is better than Dude Idiot, and I still don't get where all the ladies are at when there are more of you in the general population.

            In other words, "I see your Michele Bachmann, and raise you a Steve King"


            "I see your Virginia Foxx and raise you a Louis Gohmert"

            I could go on, but not for long, on account of there being scandalously few women in Congress, and some of them are Nancy Pelosi and Kirsten Gillibrand.

          3. Designer_Rants

            Yes, exactly what I was getting at. And, maybe if there were 50% ladies in leadership, I'd change my tune to "Who give's a shit, they're all insane." But until then, I wonder "Where the ladies at?"

  30. Negropolis

    I'm really, really, really hoping these guys keep this up now that Santorum is out of the race. It's going to be quite a show watching Mitt either trying to put out these little fires, everywhere, or adding fuel to them to keep the party base happy.

    The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire…

    1. FakaktaSouth

      This was pretty much my assessment for poor Mittens. He has some pissed off conservative Christians to coddle, and the message to them is not going to be the one that fixes the WAR ON WOMEN (or Caterpillars) or helps him with mods and what helps center him with the independents brings out the etch a sketch for the pissed off conservatives. It's going to be so fun to watch his head pop off. Maybe they'll just blow it up and release all the videos of him saying everything and hope the right people see him saying the right thing at the right time.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        Yeah, I'm hoping to see an evangelical versus Mormons holy war start this year, and Mitt "Say Anything" Romney, the man who has changed positions more often than a porn star, is the perfect guy to start it. If the holy war does start my money is on the Mormons, they're better disciplined, harder working and more intelligent than the evangelicals are. I mean when was the last time you saw some fat bastard of an evangelical out riding a bicycle while wearing a shirt and tie in 90 degree weather to spread the word?

      2. James Michael Curley

        Romney pulled the plug on the conservative base that voted for him in the primaries a couple hours after Santorum's announcement. Last night the Mittbot was in Chester County PA addressing the Republican County Committee organization wearing a dark blue suit and powder blue tie. No jeans, no common man, no attempt at being one of the people. Chester County Republicans own $1 to $3 million dollar homes but are first in line for the PA mortgage abatement program after Corbett removed the income restrictions. He is going full tilt 'Fat Cat' and plans to win the election with massive ad buys.

  31. Sassomatic

    Mitt Romney is just going to promise America's women a new dress and a fancy dinner and they'll forget all about those terrible things he said.

  32. Negropolis

    It seems the Republican Party has two responses to the claim that the already wide gulf in support of women for the two parties has become a canyon. The first is a defensive denial that includes totally denying that there is a problem, and then also making inept analogies (i.e. "caterpillars"). The second response is a reflexive lashing out at the group whom they have electoral problems with, like some dude who gets rejected by some girl, and then convinces himself that she was defective in some way, anyway. It's really kind of sad to watch.

    If they want to make "There is no War on Women" the ""There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe…" of my generation, so be it. I won't stop them.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      The second response is a reflexive lashing out at the group whom they have electoral problems with, like some dude who gets rejected by some girl, and then convinces himself that she was defective in some way, anyway. It's really kind of sad to watch.

      Holy shit dude! That is a totally fucking brilliant analysis. Seriously, the Republicans are like the asshole guy who hits on women and when they don't immediately want to hop into bed with him get angry and start talking about "Those fucking bitches." I wouldn't say it's sad to watch though, except for the women who have to put up with it, guys who behave that way deserve a beat-down. You might not be able to make them stop with a beating but you can at least make them suffer.

      I wish that I could figure out the semiotics of how you'd turn that into a campaign commercial.

      1. Negropolis

        The entire time I've been watching the GOP primaries, I've been running back in my head a skit on Family Guy where Peter Griffin goes to a fashion show to hit on the models coming down the runway. Whenever they reach the end and make their turn as they are wont to do to avoid falling off the stage, he says things like "Oh, you have mosquito-bite boobs, anyways" and "You know what? You're a bitch." This party is totally clueless and with skin as thin as paper.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Caterpillars become pretty butterflies after they get locked away for a few months.

  33. Blueb4sunrise

    Wonderfully off topic.
    Have you see the wind map? You get a hint if you've ever animated a satellite water vapor weather loop .

    Viégas and Wattenberg note in their disclaimer underneath the map: “The wind map is a personal art project, not associated with any company.”

    Anyway, non-linearity sorta rules.

    via TPM

    1. James Michael Curley

      Doesn't bode well for Princess Brewer with the Chinook up. AZ already has had a couple years of drier than usual spring and summer.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      That fucking sack of shit. Yeah, this is a guy who can't even take care of minor details like what the requirements are to file for a primary but who is somehow going to balance the budget, revitalize American civilization and lead a successful effort to build an American base on the Moon in the next eight years. He's a fucking con man, why isn't this obvious to everyone? Why does this disgusting, fat, transparently insincere, blobby bastard of a con-man have any support whatsoever?

  34. Wile E. Quixote

    Not particularly on topic but in honor of the centennial of the Titanic sailing on it's maiden voyage (where by "maiden" I actually mean "ILL-FATED DEATH TRIP TO THE DEPTHS OF THE FRIGID NORTH ATLANTIC OCEAN") I'm trying to write a theme song about the voyage of the Titanic set to the music of the Gilligan's Island theme. I was thinking of using the music from the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald instead (a song which will clear out a party faster than a police raid) but I want something peppier and more upbeat.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Stoke those furnace boilers,
      Head out on the ocean,
      Looking for New York's port,
      Throbbing harmonic motion

  35. C_R_Eature

    I'm willing to bet that one day Mrs Cain will go all Dolores Claiborne on Herman's ass. No charges will be filed. Against her.

  36. Negropolis

    I've had some more time to think about this Mr. Cain, and this is all I have left to say:

    I does not care, Mr. Cain; I simply does not care.

  37. DahBoner

    According to the Brazilian Girls (who aren't either), the four most important things in life are "pussy, pussy, pussy, marijuana"….

  38. ttommyunger

    Sorry, 'Merika, it ain't just our favorite blowjob-forcing pizza maggot (yes, I know how to spell magnate) who thinks this way. Wifey was told she could not second a motion in our church business meeting-LAST WEEK, 'cause of her lady-part situation. Needless to say she was pissed. She took home more in commissions last month than the Church has on hand; so she is more than a little pissed. Prolly will make a change. I care not, other than thinking it's funny, in a sick sort of way. My only interest in attending is to support her, anyway, so fuck'em.

    1. proudgrampa

      Tommy, that is unbelievable. As low as church attendance is these days, you would think that the leadership wouldn't want to alienate HALF the congregation…

      1. ttommyunger

        The Preacher quoted Paul, as I knew he would. These attitudes, like others, will just have to change generationally, over time…..lots of time. It is sad, though, if you think about it. I try not to.

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