MIND THE GAP  6:30 pm April 10, 2012

Herman Cain: Ladies Be Stupid (VIDEO!)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

women be shoppin'Oh this is fun! For months the GOP has been sending special email lovenotes to Your Wonkette regarding how Romney is totally kicking Obama’s ass among Gyno-Americans, which is weird? Because Romney is actually down among women by 18, 19, or 437 percent, depending on who is doing the counting? (They have stopped sending those emails, because it was getting too pathetic even for them we guess.) But now noted ladykiller Herman Cain has Acknowledged the sad truth that the GOP is having a hard time because the womyn just will not shut their damn mouths even after the Republicans warned them! Anyway, here is how Ol’ Herb explains and dismisses the hilarious gender gap (hint: it is because women are stupid!):

But if you look at [Obama's] policies, which is what most people disagree with, it’s a different story. And I think many men are much more familiar with the failed policies than a lot of other people, as well as the general public.

It’s true. Womyn do not understand policy on things outside caring about gas prices because they are busy driving the children to school and soccer practice. How could they understand, say, the economy, when they don’t even know how to get a job!

Anyways, here is your promised video of Herman Cain displaying the quick-thinking and wit of which we’ve all grown so fond. We particularly like when he realizes he is about to call women “stupid” and so catches himself by noting that the binary opposite of “men” is “other people.” Stupid ladies, bein’ stupid. Now bring Daddy summa that sugar!

[ThinkProgress]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 206 comments }

OzoneTom April 10, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Mittens just needs to slap some bitchez!

Blueb4sunrise April 10, 2012 at 6:33 pm

well, DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joshua Norton April 10, 2012 at 6:34 pm

displaying the quick-thinking and wit of which we’ve all grown so fond.

Obviously, the pizza business pretty much runs itself.

Rotundo_ April 10, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Flour, water, yeast, pinch of salt. Spread out, cover with semi-edible crap and bake. Provided you keep the suppliers and utilities and rent paid, and of course, the help, that pretty much covers it. I have a feeling he didn't do too much at Godfathers except glad handing the investors and grab-assing the help.

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

His cardboard, ketchup and glue pizza is pretty stupid too.

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Don't forget to underpay, mistreat, and sexually harass the employees!

Terry April 11, 2012 at 7:26 am

If you glance through the various vanity books CEO's tend to write, you do get the impression that companies are actually run by the career managers a level or so below the CEO.

LiveToServeYa April 10, 2012 at 6:35 pm

It's hard to argue with ol' Herm here, cause he's sort of an expert on stupid.

Barb April 10, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Herb Cain thinks we women are all just a life support system for a pussy.

SorosBot April 10, 2012 at 7:09 pm

To be fair, the pussies thing all us humans just life support systems for them, men too. (You're talking about kitties, right?)

HistoriCat April 10, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Life support system AND emergency food source.

subsum April 10, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Purveyors of yarn and kibble, if you ask me.

Barb April 11, 2012 at 12:32 am

Subsum, you look like you could use a a hot meal. Allow me to iron a shirt for you while we wait for the food to cook. : )

MissTaken April 10, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Hehe! I tried to read this post but all the words made with letters made my brain hurt. I'm a stupid "other person". Time to go pick up my kids from soccer practice and leave the politickin' to the menfolk!

SorosBot April 10, 2012 at 7:08 pm

The kids? Is there something you're not telling me, honey?

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Her insurance won't cover birth control, doncha know.

redarmyzombie April 11, 2012 at 1:26 am

Quick, when was the last time you two got aspirin?

PhilippePetain April 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

It's okay, we understand that you're otherly abled. It's not that you're stupid, it's just that you're "unfamiliar" with this thing, the economy. I'm sure if you encountered it at all, your little noggin would be able to get at least a simple-ish grasp on it.

Lascauxcaveman April 10, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I'm sorry you're all a-fluster Miss Taken. Here, let me massage your various lady parts, until you're back to rights.

Fare la Volpe April 10, 2012 at 7:29 pm

What a delightful thought you dear, sweet, fragile little thing.

Dudleydidwrong April 10, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Honeychile, if you ain't only barefoot and preggers you ain't a real 'Murican wommens. So take off them shoes and get preggers. Now.
(This message sponsored by the Herman Cain for President Organization, Herman Cain, president and only member.)

Negropolis April 10, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Poor thing! It's a wonder they allow you guys to drive, what with all of the confusing traffic laws and stop signs and traffic lights and round-abouts and such.

Rotundo_ April 10, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Yeppers, once womyn become aware that Mittens wants to close down Planned Parenthood and gut all assistance programs for children and the poor, I am sure there will be a thunderous change in their outlook towards mittens. Let my children and my grandchildren starve in the street or move back in with me! We need more tax cuts for the jerb creators!

OC_Surf_Serf April 10, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Herman purports the 3 P's Policy: Pussy, pizza, and pussy.

(speaking of pees…I humbly thank you all for my sparkling new buck and a quarter)

Lascauxcaveman April 10, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Good thing you're not a lady person, or that would translate into a 93.

OC_Surf_Serf April 10, 2012 at 7:36 pm

add in some blah and it would be 93 times 3/5 then carry the balls…

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 7:51 pm

This comment deserves many, many upfisties.

crybabyboehner April 11, 2012 at 10:37 am

When I was in college it was pizza, pot and pussy.

Lucidamente1 April 10, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Remember when Donald Regan said "Women aren't going to understand missile throw-weights or what's happening in Afghanistan or in human rights"? Good times.

Callyson April 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Yeah, I read that this had something to do with how women don't understand thrusts. In fairness, though, the women who got anywhere near Donald Regan would not want to know anything about thrusting…

Generation[redacted] April 10, 2012 at 7:38 pm

They just pretended not to know when he was around.

gullywompr April 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm

There are three kinds of people in this world: 1) men, 2) other people, and 3) the general public, in that order.

Swampgas_Man April 10, 2012 at 6:54 pm

The OPPOSITE opposite sex.

Fare la Volpe April 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

"Ladies, Gentlemen, and Otherwise!"

Chet Kincaid April 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Somebody should infographic the shit out of that.

BTWBFDIMHO April 10, 2012 at 8:51 pm

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who classify people in two kinds and those who don't.

gullywompr April 10, 2012 at 9:03 pm

There are 10 kinds – those that understand binary, and those that don't.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 10, 2012 at 9:11 pm

0100010001100001011011010110111000101100001000000110001001100101011000010111010000100000011011010110010100100000011101000110111100100000011010010111010000100001

gullywompr April 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm

There's only one kind of dance: The Robot.

bagofmice April 11, 2012 at 10:49 am

ASCII, UTF8, UTF16?

HistoriCat April 11, 2012 at 7:59 am

What about corporations?

littlebigdaddy April 11, 2012 at 9:47 am

And the blahs.

deanbooth April 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm

"Where the white other people at?"

gullywompr April 10, 2012 at 10:06 pm

The Other White Meat.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 11, 2012 at 12:48 am

I love that classic Carole King song, "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural General Population Member"

George Spelvin April 11, 2012 at 1:14 am

Man, that other person could sure write some tunes.

Callyson April 10, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Bitch set him up.

PuckStopsHere April 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

The results of that second poll make me if not ashamed, uncomfortable at least, to be a man. I'd feel better if I could get a little certiorari, though.

SayItWithWookies April 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

So is that what Sartre meant when he said "Hell is other people?" Probably if you're Mitt Romney.

crybabyboehner April 11, 2012 at 10:39 am

I believe the full quote was, "Hell is other people who sing Jimmy Buffett songs at the beach bar next to your hotel."

ifthethunderdontgetya April 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm
MissTaken April 10, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Not only does he tell us women we're stupid, but then he expects us to suck his dick. Gotta give it to him, the man has balls.

SorosBot April 10, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Balls that could use a good kickin'. I'm just sayin'.

Boojum April 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Takes a kicking, to stop his licking. Or something.

Chet Kincaid April 10, 2012 at 7:18 pm

He said nothing about salad days. But he was thinkin' it!

bagofmice April 11, 2012 at 10:50 am

What a tosser!

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Not as big as Hopey's.

An_Outhouse April 10, 2012 at 8:02 pm

In Wisconsin, that dick sucking now comes with lower pay, unless you're a dude, then you get full price.

Redhead April 10, 2012 at 8:30 pm

"but then he expects us to suck his dick. "

With LOTS of teeth, I'm thinking.

donner_froh April 10, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Sucking Herm's dick is evidence of stupidity.

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Hermann Cain is a slut.

randcoolcatdaddy April 10, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Please, Herman, don't try to be politically correct and hold back – tell us how you _really_ feel…

iburl April 10, 2012 at 6:57 pm

You want a job, right?

elfgoldsackring April 10, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Wait till they see the purty Mormon burqas they'll get to wear! That'll win those ladies over!

Fare la Volpe April 10, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Available in black, dark grey, crow feather, heather, and charcoal!

What choices!

anniegetyerfun April 10, 2012 at 6:58 pm

God, this fucking fuck.

SexySmurf April 10, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Sounds like someone is on their period.

anniegetyerfun April 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Pregnant; same difference, I suppose.

Lascauxcaveman April 10, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Congratulations! (I think!)

anniegetyerfun April 10, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Thanks. So far, so good, except for the whole no-drinking thing. I really miss drinking.

BaldarTFlagass April 10, 2012 at 7:00 pm

You people with your vaginas and shit, wanting equal pay and respect and such. The nerve!!!

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 7:01 pm

It's his 69,69,69 plan!

Bonzos_Bed_Time April 11, 2012 at 10:22 am

It's rumored he has 99 problems.

bagofmice April 11, 2012 at 10:51 am

And a yin yang ain't one.

Schmannnity April 10, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Obviously men are smarter. Who could doubt that after listening to Herm's explanation of the Obama policy on Libya and, of course, Uzbeckybeckybeccyetceterastan

Wile E. Quixote April 10, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Hey, Herman's just following John Derbyshire's rules. He's a Republican shill at Fox News, which means that he's avoiding concentrations of blah people and is unlikely to have to leave due to a sudden increase in the number of blah people.

Schmannnity April 10, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I would find this much more believable if he were chain smoking.

elfgoldsackring April 10, 2012 at 7:05 pm

It all equals out though, cos ladies only get 3/5 of a vote, divided by the total number of sister-wives.

SorosBot April 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Remember when failed presidential also-rans, particularly primary washouts, used to slink into the background after an embarrassing loss and drop off the national radar? Man I miss those times.

Schmannnity April 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Like George Romney?

sullivanst April 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Like Richard Nixon?

Lascauxcaveman April 10, 2012 at 7:28 pm

You may have a point, whether or not you were serious about it.

Do you think Nixon would ever had a chance at his 1968 comeback if he'd been making a public ass of himself 24/7 from '61 to '67?

That seems to be the default mode of Republican also-rans nowadays.

fuflans April 10, 2012 at 8:36 pm

i was just thinking of that reagan era gaffe (i think reagan era? somebody in the cabinet? weinberger maybe?) about 'women' and 'nuclear throw weights' and 'not interested'.

and the republicans have just gotten worse. much much worse.

SexySmurf April 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Strangely, I liked Herman better when he was torturing small animals.

Chet Kincaid April 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

"Hell, women ain't that smart — my wife hasn't even left me!"

anniegetyerfun April 10, 2012 at 7:32 pm

This is a 100% valid point, though.

Geminisunmars April 11, 2012 at 1:47 am

Oh, I don't know. Mrs. Cain looked like she had worked out a pretty sweet deal for herself. After all, that is all any of us wommins really want. That sweet sweet support money.

proudgrampa April 11, 2012 at 8:36 am

"Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"
"That wasn't no lady, that was my wife!"

sullivanst April 10, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Herman Cain to Women: Know Your Limits!

Fluffy_Kitties April 10, 2012 at 7:13 pm

That was just like in an action flick, where the White dude's best bro, who just happens to be Black, has a heart-to-heart talk with the dude's girl friend, who is starting to get cold feet about shacking up with a wise-ass who's always talking smack to her face.

DerrickWildcat April 10, 2012 at 7:16 pm

grls r dum.

iburl April 10, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Grassley?

dogscantlookup April 10, 2012 at 7:20 pm

'oh, shucky ducky'

rickmaci April 10, 2012 at 7:23 pm

How is this thought for producing some Don Draperesq fevered nightmares: these guys could still win.

Geminisunmars April 11, 2012 at 1:49 am

I could strangle you and shove you under the bed for saying that.

rickmaci April 11, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Have a drink instead.

Geminisunmars April 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Yes. That is the correct response. To all disturbances. I forgot.

CivicHoliday April 10, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Who knew – he takes policy advice from 1992 TeenTalk Barbie

Slim_Pickins April 10, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Men are better informed than "the general public." I'd like to see the data on that!

Nostrildamus April 10, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Your need for data shows you are not well informed.

Beowoof April 10, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Ah the republican formula, opinion first and then look for data to support your opinion. If none exists, make that shit up.

Designer_Rants April 11, 2012 at 12:02 am

Here's your data… MY DICK! ~in my wisest-sounding Dice Clay affectation.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 10, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Once again, my sympathies to Herman's wife.

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 10:11 pm

She wanted a job, as a wife, didn't she?

Monsieur_Grumpe April 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Oh Herman, please get back into the race. Mittens is just not funny like you.

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Now that it's pretty much down to Mitts, we are going to have to dig deeper or bust through a wall of comedy/snark to keep the pace at which we are accustomed. This may be Wonkettedoms finest hour.

NellCote71 April 10, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Agreed on that. Only Newt is left standing, or lying, for comedic relief. And Grandpa Ron.

Deportably_Jose April 10, 2012 at 7:32 pm

OT, but apparently George Zimmerman has stopped talking to his lawyers, and is instead talking only to Sean Hannity, to the point where said lawyers have announced that they're no longer representing him. Oh, also, because of "stress", he's fled the state, but his former lawyers swear he's in an undisclosed location somewhere in the country.

Now, I may just be a Simple Country Hyper-Chicken, but I don't think there's such a thing as Hannity-wingnut privilege. Also, I think fleeing the jurisdiction while under investigation is considered, at best, to be poor form.

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 7:55 pm

You'd think he'd stand his ground.

I guess he's just a pansy now that that they confiscated his gun.

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Is this how one of them Insanity Pleas starts, or was this Hannity's idea of a joke that Zimmerman isn't in on?

Negropolis April 10, 2012 at 10:28 pm

You want to know what I'm worried about? His lawyers are saying he's under incredible stress and emotionally fragile, and I just want to know if this man was given his gun back. Because, if they don't know where he is, but know that he's holed up somewhere, things could go very wrong very quickly.

It's why it's so crazy that this guy wasn't arrested sooner. Every day he's left on the streets makes this whole situation more explosive for everyone involved.

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Mommy, why is that hippie commune flying a Nazi flag?

McDonnellville April 11, 2012 at 12:51 am

No shit. I see certain patterns emerging from this story that indicate to me that this is not going to end well. I hope that I'm wrong. Zim does seem to have people who are justifying his actions (like his father) who are in denial about the possibility that he may have a major mental illness that led to the homicide of Trayvon. If he didn't even listen to the dispatcher who told him to stop following the kid, that's a major warning sign right there of mental instability.

finallyhappy April 11, 2012 at 7:26 am

so my hope here is that he only offs himself and doesn't get another gun and kill others. I am not amazed that in our country, you can be the most mentally ill person- but you and your family will not seek treatment. It is better to be a killer, abuser, drug addict or drunk(or any combination) than to get mental health assistance. Of course, it is also horribly expensive but even people who can afford it often don't go(current/former GOP candidates and families/Fox new employees).

Inchhigh April 10, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Herman who?

Jukesgrrl April 10, 2012 at 7:37 pm

What's that? He said women are stah?

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 8:17 pm

They are beginning to specialize in half words.

NellCote71 April 10, 2012 at 9:43 pm

So women of color are stah blahs or blah stahs?

Boojum April 10, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Stah blah sluh bihs.

fartknocker April 10, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Herman must get all of his guidance from the stock photo women in his "Women for Herman Cain" website. The Napolean of Pizza needs to learn that his opinion is no longer relevant to voters. And the women in the Fartknocker home have a strong hatred for this man.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 10, 2012 at 7:47 pm

"Stupid people are ruining America"

–Herman Cain, Fall 2011, shortly before the fatal explosion of the American Irony Institute

rocktonsam April 10, 2012 at 7:51 pm

"Iron my shirts and get me a god damn beer."

-Herbert Cain

MaxUdargo April 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm

You know, it took me a little while, but by the time I was in my late 20s I had figured out that once you've said the wrong thing to a woman, there's no way to walk it back. You're just going to dig that hole deeper and deeper if you try. Just shut up, retreat, and go find a flower shop.

The Republican Party still hasn't figured this out. They just keep digging.

rocktonsam April 10, 2012 at 8:05 pm

"Or Tiffany's"

-Newt

An_Outhouse April 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Where's SkoalRebel when there's a post crafted just for him?

Aridzona April 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Sperman Herman strikes again.

Beowoof April 10, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I am surprised that the Cain Mutiny hasn't happened at Herm's house.

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I don't have time to study politics. I'm to busy having so much sex I can't afford the birth control, and then gettin' abortions.

Antispandex April 10, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Well, it's true. Men make up very little, if any, of the "general public". We are dumb that way. What with all of our map reading skills, we still can't find it. Sad.

George Spelvin April 11, 2012 at 1:19 am

And you know we aren't gonna ask for directions.

Sharkey April 10, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Cain am Able to answer the lady-question.

Now what's for lynch?

BlueStateLibel April 10, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Oh hush, everyone knows that the most effective tactic to get people to vote for you is calling them stupid. I will definitely vote for Rmoney now!

fuflans April 10, 2012 at 8:42 pm

someday we will look back on the republican field of 2012 and laugh.

but not today.

mavenmaven April 10, 2012 at 8:50 pm

The funny thing is that in this video, Herman Cain was actually talking about Libya.

comrad_darkness April 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Did he call it Lib Lib Lib E Ya Ya Ya because then we'd know he was taking it seriously.

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Mmm, yes, IF it was preceded by a 3 minute silence while staring at the ceiling.

bagofmice April 11, 2012 at 10:58 am

Libya libya Libya dot nakedchicks dot com.
/boomhaur.

Dudleydidwrong April 10, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Thanks for setting me straight. I could have sworn that he was talking about labia.

IceCreamEmpress April 10, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Herman Cain has a wah problem. Not just with wah wah, but with wah of all colors. All the colors of the wah, to quote Pocahontas, a noted wah herself.

I_P April 10, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Bitches? Meet Herman. Herman? Bitches.

comrad_darkness April 10, 2012 at 9:34 pm

I would just like to post this for the record that Romney is going to pick McCain as his VP.

Dashboard Buddha April 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Heh…let's fill our campaign of failure with a heapin' helpin' of failure from the 2008 election. What could go wrong?

IceCreamEmpress April 11, 2012 at 12:23 am

Failure in a sadness bowl, what could be more American?

DahBoner April 11, 2012 at 8:10 am

McCain could handle all the diner campaign stops, because he's old…

Dashboard Buddha April 11, 2012 at 9:35 am

Only as long as he's in time for the Early Bird special.

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 11:45 pm

KEATING LIBEL!

FakaktaSouth April 10, 2012 at 9:35 pm

These other people are so stupid, always getting their heads stuck under the steering wheel when I am trying to create a job for them. Why does the general public keep putting its head in Herm's lap? So stupid.

greenide1 April 10, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Git me a sammich, Hank's wife!

OneYieldRegular April 10, 2012 at 10:01 pm

If there are any Godfather's employees out there contemplating filing a gender discrimination suit, their chances of obtaining a decent settlement just went way up.

orygoon April 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm

The Heir went to a very nice middle-tier liberal arts college. A friend of ours looked at the college with her daughter. They assign a prospective student a buddy and she/he sleeps overnight in a dorm. This girl was with a sorority girl in a sorority dorm–the dorm with this highest average GPA on the campus. I asked The Heir if he knew why. He did. Girls get higher grades. (Also, at graduation, more of them graduate with honors–anyway, in my experience.)

Herman Cain or another troglodyte might say profs hand out better grades to the sweet young things–but it seems to me that an awful lot of the profs at that college were also of the supposedly non-bright gender, so I'm not havin' that.

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Seriously, as a man, I'm starting to wonder what the fuck we're good for.

And this thought recurs to me every time I hear a bunch of my state's or my country's male politicians bloviate on horseshit for hours to see who can pee the furthest. Why aren't there more ladies in the gov't? Is it because if they ran off to run the country, the Real Nightmare of them not being around to run the nation's families start to set in? Or what? I don't get it.

And maybe it would be Just As Bad if women, as a percentage of the population, were proportionally represented in leadership. But I doubt it.

Geminisunmars April 11, 2012 at 1:59 am

I'm sorry, but us wimmins have reached true equality lately, in one respect. Wimmin politicians seem just as capable of being full of shit as the menfolks are. I'm sure I don't have to make a list for you.

Designer_Rants April 11, 2012 at 7:20 am

New Rule: All female pols have to be like Hillary.

But seriously, I still can't forget the study I heard about on NPR (can't find a link) where all men are still just trying to impress the ladies with their penises when they're on a committee or talking on the House floor, and so they act like idiots. I think Lady Idiot is better than Dude Idiot, and I still don't get where all the ladies are at when there are more of you in the general population. Maybe you're just too smart to go into gov't.

HistoriCat April 11, 2012 at 8:11 am

Needs more Barbara Jordan.

sullivanst April 11, 2012 at 9:03 am

I think Lady Idiot is better than Dude Idiot, and I still don't get where all the ladies are at when there are more of you in the general population.

In other words, "I see your Michele Bachmann, and raise you a Steve King"

or

"I see your Virginia Foxx and raise you a Louis Gohmert"

I could go on, but not for long, on account of there being scandalously few women in Congress, and some of them are Nancy Pelosi and Kirsten Gillibrand.

Negropolis April 10, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I'm really, really, really hoping these guys keep this up now that Santorum is out of the race. It's going to be quite a show watching Mitt either trying to put out these little fires, everywhere, or adding fuel to them to keep the party base happy.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire…

glamourdammerung April 10, 2012 at 10:10 pm

It's going to be quite a show watching Mitt either trying to put out these little fires, everywhere, or adding fuel to them to keep the party base happy.

Or both.

FakaktaSouth April 10, 2012 at 10:34 pm

This was pretty much my assessment for poor Mittens. He has some pissed off conservative Christians to coddle, and the message to them is not going to be the one that fixes the WAR ON WOMEN (or Caterpillars) or helps him with mods and what helps center him with the independents brings out the etch a sketch for the pissed off conservatives. It's going to be so fun to watch his head pop off. Maybe they'll just blow it up and release all the videos of him saying everything and hope the right people see him saying the right thing at the right time.

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 11:49 pm

"The War on Women" is polygamy. And Trayvon Martin couldn't be a Mormon until '78.

Wile E. Quixote April 11, 2012 at 3:06 am

Yeah, I'm hoping to see an evangelical versus Mormons holy war start this year, and Mitt "Say Anything" Romney, the man who has changed positions more often than a porn star, is the perfect guy to start it. If the holy war does start my money is on the Mormons, they're better disciplined, harder working and more intelligent than the evangelicals are. I mean when was the last time you saw some fat bastard of an evangelical out riding a bicycle while wearing a shirt and tie in 90 degree weather to spread the word?

James Michael Curley April 11, 2012 at 9:08 am

Romney pulled the plug on the conservative base that voted for him in the primaries a couple hours after Santorum's announcement. Last night the Mittbot was in Chester County PA addressing the Republican County Committee organization wearing a dark blue suit and powder blue tie. No jeans, no common man, no attempt at being one of the people. Chester County Republicans own $1 to $3 million dollar homes but are first in line for the PA mortgage abatement program after Corbett removed the income restrictions. He is going full tilt 'Fat Cat' and plans to win the election with massive ad buys.

ElPinche April 10, 2012 at 11:55 pm

And the party hasn't even started yet. I'll start up the popcorn.

Wile E. Quixote April 11, 2012 at 3:02 am

Are these little fires caused by burning Santorum?

HistoriCat April 11, 2012 at 8:12 am

Ouch. If your Santorum is burning, definitely consult a physician.

Sassomatic April 10, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Mitt Romney is just going to promise America's women a new dress and a fancy dinner and they'll forget all about those terrible things he said.

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Baby, you know how The Herm gets after a long day at work. The Herm was just talkin'. Now, about that job you wanted…

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I was under the impression that the Pope was going to appoint Santorum president? Now who's he gonna pick?

Negropolis April 10, 2012 at 10:50 pm

It seems the Republican Party has two responses to the claim that the already wide gulf in support of women for the two parties has become a canyon. The first is a defensive denial that includes totally denying that there is a problem, and then also making inept analogies (i.e. "caterpillars"). The second response is a reflexive lashing out at the group whom they have electoral problems with, like some dude who gets rejected by some girl, and then convinces himself that she was defective in some way, anyway. It's really kind of sad to watch.

If they want to make "There is no War on Women" the ""There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe…" of my generation, so be it. I won't stop them.

Wile E. Quixote April 11, 2012 at 2:59 am

The second response is a reflexive lashing out at the group whom they have electoral problems with, like some dude who gets rejected by some girl, and then convinces himself that she was defective in some way, anyway. It's really kind of sad to watch.

Holy shit dude! That is a totally fucking brilliant analysis. Seriously, the Republicans are like the asshole guy who hits on women and when they don't immediately want to hop into bed with him get angry and start talking about "Those fucking bitches." I wouldn't say it's sad to watch though, except for the women who have to put up with it, guys who behave that way deserve a beat-down. You might not be able to make them stop with a beating but you can at least make them suffer.

I wish that I could figure out the semiotics of how you'd turn that into a campaign commercial.

Negropolis April 11, 2012 at 3:08 am

The entire time I've been watching the GOP primaries, I've been running back in my head a skit on Family Guy where Peter Griffin goes to a fashion show to hit on the models coming down the runway. Whenever they reach the end and make their turn as they are wont to do to avoid falling off the stage, he says things like "Oh, you have mosquito-bite boobs, anyways" and "You know what? You're a bitch." This party is totally clueless and with skin as thin as paper.

Boojum April 11, 2012 at 7:57 am

By "caterpillars", they meant "landing strip".

James Michael Curley April 11, 2012 at 9:12 am

Caterpillars become pretty butterflies after they get locked away for a few months.

Blueb4sunrise April 10, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Wonderfully off topic.
Have you see the wind map? You get a hint if you've ever animated a satellite water vapor weather loop .

Viégas and Wattenberg note in their disclaimer underneath the map: “The wind map is a personal art project, not associated with any company.”

Anyway, non-linearity sorta rules.
http://hint.fm/wind/

via TPM

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 11:52 pm

You libtard. Obvsly, Chicago Politics is the Windy Shitty.

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Whoa. I'm either having a flashback, or America needs a shave. Cool.

DerrickWildcat April 11, 2012 at 2:18 am

I like it.

sullivanst April 11, 2012 at 8:54 am

From that windmap, it looks to me like it's going to be a starry night.

James Michael Curley April 11, 2012 at 9:18 am

Doesn't bode well for Princess Brewer with the Chinook up. AZ already has had a couple years of drier than usual spring and summer.

ElPinche April 10, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Fox Bimbo: "What does all that add up to to you?"
Cain: "34D, baby cakes. "

DerrickWildcat April 10, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Dr Pepper 10 is NOT for YOU!

smokefilledroommate April 11, 2012 at 2:04 am

Apparently, as the commercial would suggest, Dr. Pepper 10 is for closeted gay men. (rhymes even!)

smokefilledroommate April 11, 2012 at 1:47 am

I can fucking vote now ?!!! Holy shit, this changes everything.

DerrickWildcat April 11, 2012 at 2:21 am

This is kind of funny:
"Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich may not appear on the ballot for the June 26 Utah primary, after a $500 check – the required filing fee – bounced, an official said." http://news.yahoo.com/newt-gingrich-utah-primary-

Wile E. Quixote April 11, 2012 at 2:54 am

That fucking sack of shit. Yeah, this is a guy who can't even take care of minor details like what the requirements are to file for a primary but who is somehow going to balance the budget, revitalize American civilization and lead a successful effort to build an American base on the Moon in the next eight years. He's a fucking con man, why isn't this obvious to everyone? Why does this disgusting, fat, transparently insincere, blobby bastard of a con-man have any support whatsoever?

Wile E. Quixote April 11, 2012 at 3:09 am

Does Herman Cain have to choke a bitch?

Wile E. Quixote April 11, 2012 at 3:23 am

Not particularly on topic but in honor of the centennial of the Titanic sailing on it's maiden voyage (where by "maiden" I actually mean "ILL-FATED DEATH TRIP TO THE DEPTHS OF THE FRIGID NORTH ATLANTIC OCEAN") I'm trying to write a theme song about the voyage of the Titanic set to the music of the Gilligan's Island theme. I was thinking of using the music from the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald instead (a song which will clear out a party faster than a police raid) but I want something peppier and more upbeat.

C_R_Eature April 11, 2012 at 7:04 am
James Michael Curley April 11, 2012 at 9:31 am

Stoke those furnace boilers,
Head out on the ocean,
Looking for New York's port,
Throbbing harmonic motion

BTWBFDIMHO April 11, 2012 at 4:57 am

You fight the War on Women with the men you have, not the men you wish to have.

C_R_Eature April 11, 2012 at 6:13 am

I'm willing to bet that one day Mrs Cain will go all Dolores Claiborne on Herman's ass. No charges will be filed. Against her.

James Michael Curley April 11, 2012 at 6:31 am

A little Annie Wilks first. "I might put bullets in it."

C_R_Eature April 11, 2012 at 6:47 am

I like it.
And, Another Wonketteer mentions Lorena Bobbitt in 3…2…1…

Negropolis April 11, 2012 at 7:52 am

I've had some more time to think about this Mr. Cain, and this is all I have left to say:

I does not care, Mr. Cain; I simply does not care.

BaldarTFlagass April 11, 2012 at 7:56 am

My cute neighbor Sarah.

DahBoner April 11, 2012 at 8:07 am

According to the Brazilian Girls (who aren't either), the four most important things in life are "pussy, pussy, pussy, marijuana"….

gurukalehuru April 11, 2012 at 8:18 am

Other person is the near of the world – John Lennon

proudgrampa April 11, 2012 at 8:41 am

Some of my best friends are the women.

ttommyunger April 11, 2012 at 9:47 am

Sorry, 'Merika, it ain't just our favorite blowjob-forcing pizza maggot (yes, I know how to spell magnate) who thinks this way. Wifey was told she could not second a motion in our church business meeting-LAST WEEK, 'cause of her lady-part situation. Needless to say she was pissed. She took home more in commissions last month than the Church has on hand; so she is more than a little pissed. Prolly will make a change. I care not, other than thinking it's funny, in a sick sort of way. My only interest in attending is to support her, anyway, so fuck'em.

proudgrampa April 11, 2012 at 10:10 am

Tommy, that is unbelievable. As low as church attendance is these days, you would think that the leadership wouldn't want to alienate HALF the congregation…

ttommyunger April 11, 2012 at 10:31 am

The Preacher quoted Paul, as I knew he would. These attitudes, like others, will just have to change generationally, over time…..lots of time. It is sad, though, if you think about it. I try not to.

gout April 11, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Herman Cain stole my bicycle.

Fare la Volpe April 10, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Well bitchtits. Great minds, etc.

Lascauxcaveman April 10, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Oh, that's right. I think that may be why Mrs. Caveman and I never got around to having that third kid. Those, tall, frosty, Lime-heavy G'n'Ts I make for her every night were just too good to set down for a year or more.

Still, it's worth it to have kids that aren't r3t@rded. Once Annie Jr. is done nursing, you can go back to your lushly ways.

James Michael Curley April 11, 2012 at 8:58 am

Will be remembered through history for many firsts. For me it will be the electrifying " I am not going to sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminution, the subversion, the destruction, of the Constitution." I think it is the turning point at which the House Judiciary Committee discovered the balls to vote the articles of impeachment.

Designer_Rants April 11, 2012 at 9:19 am

Yes, exactly what I was getting at. And, maybe if there were 50% ladies in leadership, I'd change my tune to "Who give's a shit, they're all insane." But until then, I wonder "Where the ladies at?"

gullywompr April 11, 2012 at 12:01 pm

EBCDIC

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