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Wonkette Bookmaker: For What Cabinet Position Will Mitt Romney ‘Tap’ Loser Rick Santorum?

Apr 10 2:52 pm 2012

Makin bookieThe presidential campaign of hated former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum climaxed prematurely, and he could not pull out the win. For what Cabinet position will Republican nominee by default Mitt Romney tap him?

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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111 comments

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      For what Cabinet position will Republican nominee by default Mitt Romney tap him?

      I bet Rick doesn't really much care, just as long as Mitt still wants to tap him.

  3. Joshua Norton

    I heard Mitt Romney is so boring that his Secret Service code name is "Mitt Romney".

        1. SorosBot

          Exactly. All this talk of guys (and lesbians) pleasing their women might give the little wifeys the idea that they're supposed to enjoy sex instead of just lying back passively to let their husband shoot his seed in them; so we can't have that.

          Rick's afraid that someone might tell Karen that liberal men will actually do things with their tongue on a woman, a thought which makes him nauseous.

  7. iburl

    Secretary of Calling People Snobs Because They Think That Everyone Who Wants To Go To College Should Be Able To

    2. sullivanst

      I believe Romney already has a selection for that post, one Mr. "I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my butt"

    1. sarah_connor

      what is the color of shit and the consistency of smegma and goes faster than the speed of sound?

      1. Goonemeritus

        Hey there is a fat kid and a pool it would be a crime against nature if no pushing got done.

    4. HobbesEvilTwin

      I think Ron Paul would make a perfect Secretary of Government is Bad Therefore I Want to be Part of Government Agency.
      (GBTWPA)

      The GBTWPA has the very important job of proving that government sucks by appointing people who suck at governing.

    6. gurukalehuru

      I agree. Without Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich there would be no humor left in the race, none at all, just boring speechification about nothing from now until November.

  16. Come here a minute

    Rick willl get one of those harmless, do-nothing diplomatic assignments to a sexxxy foreign hotspot. Ambassador Santorum, the United States' man in the Vatican.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      He should head the Venice consulate, so they would know him as "The man in the boat."

  19. Joshua Norton

    Make him Ambassador to the Netherlands so he has to explain why he publicly lied about their health system.

  21. OneYieldRegular

    After all the nice things Rick said about Mitt during the primaries, I'm guessing he'll be lucky to be named Deputy Assistant Undersecretary to White House Pastor Rick Warren.

  28. pinkocommi

    The only Department Santorum should be the head of is one of the three Departments Mittens eliminates.

    For the record, I cannot recall them, but neither can Mittens.

  32. HippieEsq

    Because government humor is the best kind….

    United States Blah Representative (amabassador level, obvi)

    United Nations Embarrasador

    Ambassador to the Prussian Empire

    Secretary of Labia

    Director of National Unintelligence.

  36. el_donaldo

    I'll point out that not letting me vote multiple times in the category or categories of my choosing is not Wonkette-type behavior. Just saying.

  48. BaldarTFlagass

    Romney Shmomney. Obama should appoint him Ambassador to some Third World Equatorial African country full of the blah people. And no air conditioning in the Embassy either.

  54. owhatever

    Nothing. Gimme your damn delegates, you loser, and get lost. You cost me millions of dollars and months of wasted time, not to mention helping to ignite a revolt among women voters. I lose this thing now and I'm coming after your balls with a rusty razor.

  62. Ducksworthy

    Ahh Shucks. We'll miss you little Ricky, as will the Tea Baggers. They were really lapping up that santorum while you Tea Bagged them

  70. SaintRond

    When Rick Santorum thinks about gay sex, he wants to throw up. If he talks about gay sex as much as he thinks about gay sex, then he wants to throw up more than my cat, who throws up a lot (cats throw up all the time)

    Rick Santorum throws up more than cats throw up.

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