The presidential campaign of hated former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum climaxed prematurely, and he could not pull out the win. For what Cabinet position will Republican nominee by default Mitt Romney tap him?
YOU SAY GOODBYE AND I'LL SAY HELLO 2:52 pm April 10, 2012
Wonkette Bookmaker: For What Cabinet Position Will Mitt Romney ‘Tap’ Loser Rick Santorum?
Hola wonkerados.
To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?
Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.
Don’t Be Silly, CIA Couldn’t Have Spied On Congress! It’s Against The Law! 
{ 111 comments }
Department of Posterior
stop the thread right there.
Good night, everybody!
I bet Rick doesn't really much care, just as long as Mitt still wants to tap him.
Department of the Interior (of the Posterior)
Department of Blah.
I heard Mitt Romney is so boring that his Secret Service code name is "Mitt Romney".
I saw his poolside picture and his secret service name should be "Newt Gingrich".
Secretary of Altered State of Reality.
Department of Women's Studies.
Now there's a department I'd like to "head", if you know what I mean.
And I think you do…
New finding: the clitoris does not exist, and there is no such thing as a female orgasm.
Sharight! Like *that's* news…
Well, that's a relief.
And time spent looking for it is better spent shooting guns and watching football.
Exactly. All this talk of guys (and lesbians) pleasing their women might give the little wifeys the idea that they're supposed to enjoy sex instead of just lying back passively to let their husband shoot his seed in them; so we can't have that.
Rick's afraid that someone might tell Karen that liberal men will actually do things with their tongue on a woman, a thought which makes him nauseous.
Tongue?
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
It's scary on how we, the Wonkborg, all think similarly.
Secretary of Calling People Snobs Because They Think That Everyone Who Wants To Go To College Should Be Able To
Commissioner of Sewers?
Dept of I've Got My Head Up My Ass and I'm a Racist and Sexist Fuck Lump?
Hahaha…fuck lump!
I believe Romney already has a selection for that post, one Mr. "I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my butt"
High Priest and Senior Pedophile.
Not sure what post Santorum will get, but I hope Gingrich gets appointed Janitor.
Not so much a cabinet post as a closet one.
Just don't let him near the Jet Propulsion Laboratory.
what is the color of shit and the consistency of smegma and goes faster than the speed of sound?
Minister of Religious Genocide.
WHY DOES THIS SITE KEEP IGNORING RON PAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who? Didn't he die at the end of "Atlas Shrugged"?
We're long overdue for a flame war with the Paultards.
That means we're ripe for a preemptive strike! Oh let's, please!
I see where you're going with this but really, is this somthing you want?
Hey there is a fat kid and a pool it would be a crime against nature if no pushing got done.
Who?
I think Ron Paul would make a perfect Secretary of Government is Bad Therefore I Want to be Part of Government Agency.
(GBTWPA)
The GBTWPA has the very important job of proving that government sucks by appointing people who suck at governing.
Because he remains so flat, no one can see him lying there?
I agree. Without Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich there would be no humor left in the race, none at all, just boring speechification about nothing from now until November.
Rick willl get one of those harmless, do-nothing diplomatic assignments to a sexxxy foreign hotspot. Ambassador Santorum, the United States' man in the Vatican.
He should head the Venice consulate, so they would know him as "The man in the boat."
Romney is so happy about this he is firing 1/2 of his staff.
Staff martyr?
Make him Ambassador to the Netherlands so he has to explain why he publicly lied about their health system.
General Manager at Chuck E Cheese.
Vomit mopper at Chuck E. Cheese.
Night shift Jizz Mopper at Hooters.
The law firm that eventually hires him will be about as reputable.
After all the nice things Rick said about Mitt during the primaries, I'm guessing he'll be lucky to be named Deputy Assistant Undersecretary to White House Pastor Rick Warren.
With his anti-contraception angle, Department of Labor?
Department of Forced Labor and Rape Miracles
Pope!
Pope
You two call each other?
I should have used an exclamation point for the p's.
P is for Point!!
Secretary of Aggrieved Culture.
Man on Dog Catcher.
Frothmaster General.
The only Department Santorum should be the head of is one of the three Departments Mittens eliminates.
For the record, I cannot recall them, but neither can Mittens.
If Romney wants payback, he'll nominate Rick to Ambassador to Sweden.
Obvious one: Dog catcher
Prison shower monitor?
Because government humor is the best kind….
United States Blah Representative (amabassador level, obvi)
United Nations Embarrasador
Ambassador to the Prussian Empire
Secretary of Labia
Director of National Unintelligence.
Head Up Interior?
Santorum could not pull out? Sounds vaguely man-on-dog ish, if you ask me.
Bucket of cold water will usually do the trick.
Ambassador to Gofuckyourselfistan.
I'll point out that not letting me vote multiple times in the category or categories of my choosing is not Wonkette-type behavior. Just saying.
That's pre-9-11 thinking
They should have used Diebold.
Chief of Staff?
He should head the Select Committee on Assinations.
Head Pilgrim Re-enactor.
For real — I'm just now picturing him wearing those buckle-y shoes and pull-up stockings, and it fits.
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.
Secretary of Shit Eating Vagina Haters.
Romney Taps Santorum for Justice.
love it. Let me play….
"Romney Probing Santourum for Interior Post"
Secretary of Transubstantiation?
Or, for the altar boys, Transubanalpenetration.
Pope.
Head of the Office of What You're Doing Wrong In Your Life According to God.
Four years in the fetal position.
Target Positioning Technician at the Barry Goldwater Gunnery Range.
Mitt's personal Ball Washer
Romney Shmomney. Obama should appoint him Ambassador to some Third World Equatorial African country full of the blah people. And no air conditioning in the Embassy either.
Loser-in-chief.
GINGRICH LIBEL!
doggie style?
A large post right up his interior.
Department of Insanitation?
Department of Uterine Security
Nothing. Gimme your damn delegates, you loser, and get lost. You cost me millions of dollars and months of wasted time, not to mention helping to ignite a revolt among women voters. I lose this thing now and I'm coming after your balls with a rusty razor.
Romney will create a Department of Santorum. Santorum will manage santorum.
Secretary of Wanting to Vomit
Dept of Derriere
I heard from a reliable source that he is going to be the next DC Taxicab Commissioner!
None of the above, he's going to be the Duggar Family's Secretary of Education
Quite obviously, Santorum will be Mittens' Groom of the Stool:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groom_of_the_Stool
Secretary of Jeebus!
Ahh Shucks. We'll miss you little Ricky, as will the Tea Baggers. They were really lapping up that santorum while you Tea Bagged them
Digisexual?
Vatican Ambassador to the USA
Chief manager of the Marcus Bachmann Honorary Homosexual Treatment Facilities.
Czar of Morality
obvs
Cabinet position? In the back next to the Pyrex bowls and the Salad Tossers.
I refuse to answer this. Where is "All of them, Katie"?
I don't know Wonkette, anymore.
Sec. of Department of Lady Interior?
When Rick Santorum thinks about gay sex, he wants to throw up. If he talks about gay sex as much as he thinks about gay sex, then he wants to throw up more than my cat, who throws up a lot (cats throw up all the time)
Rick Santorum throws up more than cats throw up.
"Grand Poobah of Upper Buttcrack" comes to mind.
Department Of Uptight Closeted Homosexual Evangelists?
Comments on this entry are closed.