POTATO EX MACHINA  2:00 pm April 10, 2012

Monsanto Threatens To Sue Entire State Of Vermont Over Food Labeling Bill

by Liz Colville


Monsanto, that sickening institution behind Agent Orange and strawberries made out of fish and sugar made out of Axe Body Spray,* has claimed and will probably claim until the end of time that you don’t really need to know that your “all-natural” cereal is actually created in a lab. DON’T YOU LIKE IT? Don’t you feel yourself turning into a Transformer? But the state of Vermont is particularly not thrilled about Monsanto’s coquettish behavior, and is trying to pass H. 722, which would require food labels to tell you whether a product is genetically modified, and would prevent that “all-natural” designation from appearing on the packaging of a GMO food, BECAUSE IT ISN’T. The corporation has so much disgusting dirty cash on hand, however, that it has decided to intimidate the people of Vermont — not a timid bunch, mind you — out of proceeding with the bill. The sad thing? It looks like it’s working. Fish strawberries WILL RISE AGAIN.

Alternet writes that Vermont lawmakers are actually “dragging their feet” over the bill because Monsanto is proving, once again, to be a bunch of bullies with enough money to put multiple entire law firms on its cases. One theory is that Vermont will have to “go it alone” in court if it passes the bill, because it will make the state the first in the nation with such a law. Instead of seeing this as HEROIC, certain lawmakers appear to be having second thoughts and are holding public hearings over the bill in what appears to be an effort to stall all the way until the end of the current legislative session in May. In other words, some Monsanto employee has handed over stacks of cash to some influential Vermonters, and it appears to be hushing them up nicely?

Perhaps if California passes its similar Right to Know Act, which is currently in the process of gathering signatures for the November ballot, Vermont would have the courage to be second in the nation? But the website of the bill, Vermont Right to Know GMOs, points out:

50 countries including the European Union, Japan and China already label genetically engineered foods. Vermont should be the leader on this important issue here in the United States.

Also, do not wait for California to do things! You may be waiting a long time, e.g. until the Second Coming of the Dinosaurs!

Because of our peerless legal system, if the bill goes forward, Monsanto will likely succeed in suing the entire state of Vermont and thus exercising its Right to Not Tell, just like it did with the rBGH milk fiasco, in which Monsanto’s lawyers were enticed by wads into arguing that milk producers should not have to declare whether their products contained that particular bovine growth hormone or not (AND WON).

Now, to what degree does this matter? Let this pretty chart from the USDA itself explain:


[Alternet via Daily Kos]


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Barb April 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Can we still have fetuses in our food?

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 2:10 pm

As long as they are not "genetically engineered."

actor212 April 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm

So much for Ben & Jerry's new flavor: GMbryohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Deportably_Jose April 10, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I certainly hope so. Otherwise, I'm travelling all the way to the Whole Foods in the Abortionplex for nothing.

nounverb911 April 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Maybe Vermont should just boycott Monsanto.

fartknocker April 10, 2012 at 2:09 pm

In comparison to Oklahoma, Arizona, Texas, the Carolinas, Montana and Florida, we never hear anything about bat-shit wierdness from Vermont. I think I'll listen to what they say – they seem to have things under control in that state.

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Vermont is a pretty cool state. Too far from the ocean, otherwise I might move there. It's also very pretty.

Radio福井県 April 10, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Wait, I just had lamb and cauliflower two days ago!!1! I'm gonna die!!I!

Chill-A-Sketch April 10, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I don't know about you guys, but I love having that extra protein from frog liver DNA in my tomatoes.

bagofmice April 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Technically, you have frog DNA. FYI.

Gratuitous World April 10, 2012 at 2:10 pm

are you telling me the super-dank-veggie-burritos I purchase at Phish shows have genetically modified dankness? say it aint so!

Chill-A-Sketch April 10, 2012 at 2:13 pm

It wasn't the the veggies in the burritos that was genetically modified, it was the acid.

actor212 April 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Whuh, dude?

ManchuCandidate April 10, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Yeah, you fucking hippies. Who doesn't like extra slimey mucus in their milk or Round Up in their cornflakes?

chascates April 10, 2012 at 2:10 pm

GMOs are people, my friends. Soylent Green!

Schmannnity April 10, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I thought the only food that came from Vermont was Chunky Monkey

bureaucrap April 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Actually, DNA from that chunky monkey is now in your carrot.

CivicHoliday April 10, 2012 at 2:12 pm

It doesn't help matters that the FDA and USDA are both filled to the brim with former Monsanto and Cargill employees/lobbyists, and that the supreme court is about as likely to uphold a food label law as they are to issue a formal apology for Bush v. Gore. I'm sure there is bribery going on with VT legislatures but there is also a growing understanding of the futility of this issue.

sullivanst April 10, 2012 at 2:12 pm

RWers jumping up and down demanding tort reform in 3.. 2..

Oh wait. SLAPPs by corporate behemoths are different, aren't they.

Ducksworthy April 10, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Monsanto took the right turn with bioengineering from the very beginning. They realized that they could make a lot of money, not by making plants disease and bug resistant, which would have been a reasonable (i.e. human) approach. But Monsanto decided to make plants that were herbicide resistant.
this allowed them to sell millions of tons more toxic herbicide.

sullivanst April 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Also, terminators. For freedom! (from things that are free)

Baconzgood April 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I hate fucking GMOs sooo god damn much with their mascara and fucking wanna be Criss Angel vampire clothes that you can buy off the rack at Hot Topic in any mall in America. YOU FUCKS ARE NOT ORIGINAL. They used to be called "Goths" and you know what? THEY FUCKING SUCKED COCK TOO! God I hate GMOs!

Goonemeritus April 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm

If Monsanto keeps disrespecting Vermont, Vermont is going to send Ben and Jerry down to their corporate offices to squeeze a few faces.

CapnFatback April 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm

They knock 'em around with their Chubby Hubby Clubbies.

niblick77 April 10, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Maybe they will tell us what is in Soylent Green!

actor212 April 10, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Ispeople, a rare ingredient from Sumatra

Negropolis April 11, 2012 at 1:36 am

Indonesia = Obama! Someone get me a chalkboard; I think I'm on to something, here!

OneYieldRegular April 10, 2012 at 2:16 pm

This crap is illegal in France (private note to Vermont: if you need help, get in touch with French activist José Bové).

Callyson April 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm

if California passes its similar Right to Know Act, which is currently in the process of gathering signatures for the November ballot

I just signed the petition the other day, though I know we will be deluged with attack ads if this gets on the ballot. Cue hysteria about "food prices will go up/jobs will be lost/the world will starve" in 3…2…1…

teebob2000 April 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Via Daily Kos(ommunist)??? Librul trouble-makers!!! Move along, nothing to see here, folks! We legislators know what's best for the fine people of the great state of Vermont!

*crawling on floor grabbing handfuls of cash thrown up in the air by the bucketload by insanely-cackling Monsanto lobbyists*

Blueb4sunrise April 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Uhhhhhhhhhh, cheddar something, something…….

SorosBot April 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm

We should be thanking Mosanto for keeping America fat and lazy on hydrogenated corn sugar.

Steverino247 April 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm
Baconzgood April 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The best OT on WONKETTE EVAR!

Baconzgood April 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Huff-Po article:

"Santorum Drops Out"

The shit writes its self.

sullivanst April 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Note to Rick Santorum: the Gettysburg Address was not a concession speech.

Generation[redacted] April 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Though some still wish it were.

widestanceromance April 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Gene Slime is not food.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 10, 2012 at 2:17 pm

There used to be a town on the Illinois side of the Mississippi from St Louis (Monsanto HQ) called "Monsanto." Then somebody did some soil testing and whoa! New town name stat!

And they used to dump PCBs in the water at a plant in Anniston AL until WaPo caught 'em* at it about ten years ago—long after everyone knew this was dangerous and illegal.

And when the Monsanto chairman's palatial suburban McMansion was donated to St Louis County, it wound up as The Dog Museum, where one may view works of art whose subject matter is Man's Best Friend. And yes, they have the poker-playing pooches prominently displayed.

Think it's a joke? http://www.museumofthedog.org/ And you can bring your dawg!
*Hey, remember when WaPo used to do cool shit like that, instead of selling test prep courses and pimping their decision-maker access to businesses?

LesBontemps April 10, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Hey, remember when WaPo used to do cool shit like that

No. And neither do you.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 10, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Well there was that “Watergate” unpleasantness some years back. And the Pentagon Papers. I am a bona fide Old.

CapnFatback April 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Both me and my second, smaller, mutated head agree: genetically modified foods are ooooh-kay.

JustPixelz April 10, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Most guys have a nickname for their penis, but "second smaller mutated head" is kinda self-deprecating, dontcha think? How about "giant love sausage"? Or "Earl"?

CapnFatback April 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Are you referring to the Capn's log?

new_pic_for_NEWTer April 10, 2012 at 8:43 pm

There are not enough upfists in the multiverses for that one.

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 8:29 pm

The three eyed fish told you so.

Generation[redacted] April 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Now where will I get my Tomacco juice?

V572 Fehrnstrom April 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Fourteen fortnights and seven days ago, my big-handed grandfather brought forth upon this continent a new tribe of fast breeding Catholics…..

James Michael Curley April 10, 2012 at 2:26 pm

A couple passes over the state with Agent Orange and Vermont will be know as "The Great Northeastern Desert."

Gleem McShineys April 10, 2012 at 3:15 pm


owhatever April 10, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Mom, the mayo tastes furry and the banana just walked across the counter again.

BaldarTFlagass April 10, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I hope Monsanto wins. I want my food from a nice clean laboratory, not from some damn field where cows and horses and sheep shit all day. That stuff might have dirt on it, too.

hagajim April 10, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Can I GMO my penis for an extra couple of inches?

JustPixelz April 10, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Yes, but then you'll only be able to have Genetically Modified Orgasms.

DaRooster April 10, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I do NOT want GMO pink slime!!

mavenmaven April 10, 2012 at 2:41 pm

New genetically engineered advanced pink slime!

Oblios_Cap April 10, 2012 at 3:00 pm

If Monsanto can successfully sue African farmers because their genetically altered plants' pollen fertilized their unaltered crops, Vermonters are in for a world of hurt if they try to pass this bill.

Gratuitous World April 10, 2012 at 3:00 pm

i think if the aerially drop their seeds onto Vermont farms, they can sue Vermont's famers into indentured servitude

anniegetyerfun April 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

God, Liz, it's almost like you think people have a RIGHT to know what they are eating.

Oblios_Cap April 10, 2012 at 3:07 pm

If this goes all the way to the Supremes, Monsanto always has ex-employee Clarence Thomas to vote their way.

WiscDad April 10, 2012 at 3:31 pm

ooohhh…the Supremes? I LOVE Diana Ross

WiscDad April 10, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Vermont is like the 'test spot' on the carpet where the test didn't turn out well

Dumbedup April 10, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Yeah, so, from the front lines here in VT: it's not that legislators are being bribed, it's that we have lost two massive suits to corporations in the last year; drug companies beat some law attempting to regulate them, and Vermont had to pay 4.6 million in costs. Then we lost to Entergy Nuclear when the legislature tried to shut their aging and decrepit nuclear plant down. The bill for that is not in yet, but will be a lot. So it's no wonder we are gunshy at this point, big corporations have been killing us in court when we pass the laws we want to live under. Even the "Eat More Kale" guy has been threatened with a lawsuit. Sheesh!

JustPixelz April 10, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I used to live in VT. My main worry was that New Hampshire would attack. "Live Free and Die … horribly under our libertarian boot". Not a very friendly state motto.

mormos April 10, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Vermont LOST the entergy case! Fuck me sideways! Time to check out, by which i mean grab my shit and run like hell cause i aint paying the bill.

Wonderthing April 10, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Shut uppa you mouth and eata you fish strawberries before I getta so mad!

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Ha, needs moar meme: http://bit.ly/IhushR

Dashboard Buddha April 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Can't we just stop with this death by 1000 cuts and just cut to the chase. Monsanto gets to declare victory and we'll be able to get Soylent Green patties in our grocer's freezer case.

comrad_darkness April 11, 2012 at 11:09 am

I tried to have a serious conversation the other day where I was arguing that cannibalism is essential to avoiding the wicked undershoot of a population crash, similar to how the Polynesians managed for centuries. No one wanted to engage on this. Maybe because all my friends are fat and delicious looking?

Dashboard Buddha April 11, 2012 at 11:29 am

I prefer “well marbled”.—

barto April 10, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Why don't they just buy the state of Vermont and be done with it? WOOT!

larrykat April 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Most of Monsanto's genetic engineering revolves around them modifying crop seeds to not react to their own herbicide, commonly known as Roundup. So they have a Roundup to spray on the crop as it is growing, to control weeds, and THEN, the farmer can use a different Roundup to spray on that actually does kill the crop when they want to hurry up the harvest it! They get it coming and going, plus sell the seeds! And they go around suing individual farmers who try and keep some of their crop seeds (that they grew themselves) to plant next year so they don't have to buy more seeds from Monsanto! And of course the seeds are identifiable genetically so the chain of evidence is right there to prove it. Awesome.

LesBontemps April 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Mmmmm …. fish strawberries.

Maybe now they can work on strawberry fish?

Designer_Rants April 10, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Monsanto created ManBearPig out of DNA gleaned from dining utensils stolen from the homes of the following individuals*:
1.) Al Gore
2.) Tom Selleck
3.) Rush Limbaugh


glamourdammerung April 10, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Why does Monsanto hate free market capitalism?

I know why, I was being rhetorical.

Sharkey April 10, 2012 at 8:53 pm

You know what the "O" stands for, right?

That's right…


Let that sink in for a few minutes.

mormos April 10, 2012 at 9:23 pm

You mean the company that sues farmers into using their product against the farmers will is doing something shady? I am shocked!

Negropolis April 11, 2012 at 1:24 am

Never trust a Vermontmen, those maple-swilling mountain billies.

ttommyunger April 11, 2012 at 9:59 am

Monsanto: "Taking over the World, for evil, one bite at a time".

comrad_darkness April 11, 2012 at 11:05 am

Don't eat anything you didn't grow yourself. Or smoke, either.

starfanglednut April 10, 2012 at 8:24 pm

They have made a lot of money suing farmers because their GM seeds blew onto their property. It utterly boggles the mind. They are one of the most evil corporations, (oops I mean people, silly me) that exists, which is saying quite a lot.

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