Can somebody please ask Vicky Hartzler for her third grade completion certificate?

Fringe loonball Rep. Vicky Hartzler’s weary spokesman has this report to share with us regarding the minutes of Hartzler’s latest group therapy session with her constituents: “In responding to a constituent’s question regarding the Obama birth certificate, Congresswoman Hartzler confirmed that this issue has been raised by many 4th District citizens with whom she has spoken.” Well, that sounds healing. She confirmed! All these wingnuts needed was a little confirmation, sure. Way to defuse the anger! Unless… eh, let’s just roll the tape:

From the Sedalia Democrat:

“What do you think about Obama’s birth certificate being called a forgery?” asked a man who identified himself as an Army veteran.

“You know I have a lot of doubts about all that,” she said. “I don’t understand why he didn’t show that right away.”

When asked to clarify her doubts during press availability after the event, Hartzler said: “I have doubts that it is really his real birth certificate, and I think a lot of Americans do, but they claim it is, so we are just going to go with that.”

That is one way of “confirming” that people have asked you about Barack Obama’s birth certificate being a fake, by telling them you think it probably is! But be nice for one time, mean old Wonkette, Hartzler did say that that is not even the issue:

Hartzler declined to say whether she believes Obama is a U.S. citizen, calling the issue “irrelevant” and said people should “focus attention on his specific policies and not his birth certificate.”

There we go. Bad policies. Barack Obama has bad policies, that is the important thing. So what sort of policies does Vicky Hartzler have, according to this same meeting with her constituents?

Well for one thing, Great Britain’s film industry is not doing enough to villainize the U.S.’s second-largest trading partner:

“We need to have a new 007 James Bond movie with China as the bad guys,” she said, citing a report she read recently. “China has the largest spy network. They are stealing our intelligence from our corporations … it has the largest industrial espionage and stealing theft in history.”

So get on that, Britain! The United States will handle all of China’s non-stealing theft. Deal? [POLITICO/Sedalia Democrat]

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  • OC_Surf_Serf

    …focus attention on his specific policies and not his birth certificate.

    Why the fuck wasn't that her answer the when he first asked????

    • Sue4466

      Too busy tuning her dog whistle.

    • Because it's only ever the answer when the press asks a politician if they're seriously suggesting that the president is an illegal immigrant who committed fraud, and it's never the answer when a constituent expresses concern that the president is a dangerous muslim foreigner, who, not to belabor the point, is black.

      Seriously, it's almost like you're new to this.

    • Because she's a fucking idiot.

      / SASQ

    • tessiee

      Because she doesn't know what his specific policies are?

    • Serolf_Divad

      Because skepticism of Obama's birth certificate is the new Tea Party lunatic litmus test.

    • Callyson

      Snark off…because this way she gets the "best" of both worlds: she can pander to the idiots who buy into the birther crap, but then backs away from it before anyone can call her out for doing so.


  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think we should have a new James Bond movie with Republicans as the bad guys, just like they are in real life.

  • Barb

    “I don’t understand why he didn’t show that right away.”

    He was waiting for the 43 Presidents before him to show theirs.

    • HippieEsq

      Kenyans are notoriously slow.

      • Barb

        Um, have you ever watched the Olympics or the Boston Marathon?

        • HippieEsq

          Thats irrelevant. Focus on the bad (Kenyan socialist) policies already you ignorant sheep.

          (and of course I have…my sarcasm is not that serendipitous Barb)

          • Barb


        • FakaktaSouth

          OH MY GOSH Speaking of the Olympics, did you see that 86 year old lady do German Gymanastics on Colbert though? holy smokes I have a new hero…

          • Barb

            Wasn't that great Fakakta? Tune in to Colbert on April 11th (tomorrow) to see Michelle Obama!

          • I loved his whole "Shame Spiral" bit, especially the graphics.

      • tessiee

        Kipchoge Keino libel!

        [not sure of the correct spelling of his name, though]

    • freakishlywrong

      But they're not racists.

      • Gleem McShineys

        They're black presidentists. It has absolutely nothing to do with his race.

  • Lucidamente1

    Goldfinger II: The Stupid, it Burns

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Choose your next insipid statement carefully, Ms. Hartzler, it may be your last."

    • Baconzgood

      Do you expect me to show you my birth certificate Goldfinger?

      • tessiee

        No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.
        *pets white cat*

      • BaldarTFlagass

        No, Mr Obama. I expect you to DIE turn this country into a Socialist Muslim Paradise!

    • tessiee

      Has anyone else seen the cartoon where the guy with the shaved head and the eyepatch is lying on the psychiatrist's couch, and the psychiatrist is saying to him: "But surely you now see that always *telling James Bond what you're going to do* is just part of a self-defeating pattern"?

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Well of course nobama's policies are bad; In case you haven't noticed, he's blah.

    • An_Outhouse

      All this time I thought he was using Bonmer's tanning booth.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Wouldn't he have to pay the tanning tax then? I think that's what Allen West said…

        • Fare la Volpe

          And that's the real racism.

    • FraAnima

      Upfist for Stephanie Miller/Frank Devlin reference.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Looks like Wonkette just needs a weekly summarized posting that lists all the RW birthers–something like "Birther Loons of the Week".

    And won't standing next to Phyllis Schlafly dry up your uterus?

    • tessiee

      If you're lucky.

    • MissTaken

      Just seeing her pictures dries up mine, so I can only imagine what standing next to her does.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You think it's bad on a uterus, imagine the effect of standing next to her if you are in possession of a penis.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Jeez…another Southern politician with all the depth of a youtube comment…

    • FakaktaSouth

      NONONONONONONO Missouri is not in the South – I don't give a shit what the NCAA says, it is not the south. Racist, yes, Mormon Jesus' second coming return flight destination, yes, southern, no. Not taking this lady, sorry. We got our hands full.

      • Negropolis

        Meh. It was a slave state and contested between the Union and the CSA during the Civil War, so it's "Southern."

        • FakaktaSouth

          Holy shit. If all it takes is legalized slavery then you have an entire country of the south. Slavery wasn't even illegal in New York til 1827. The incessant need to act like there are only racists in the south is a bunch of bullshit. But if it makes y'all feel better, carry the fuck on I guess.

      • Part of the Confederacy Hon, can't leave it on our doorstep! Although it literally is on Illinois' doorstep.

        • FakaktaSouth

          Here I go – I find it interesting that people ENJOY how much they hate the south the exact same way racists feel better than whatever race they aren't. I haven't seen people getting off on talking about how fucking southern, I mean racist, Benton Harbor Michigan is and that is THE MOST racist shit I have seen in government since Bull Connor. It's the way people automatically feel superior when it's here, everywhere else is what? Still America.

          • elviouslyqueer

            This. All of it. Love you, Fakakta.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Oh EQ, I love you too. I get my feelings hurt sometimes at the piling on, I guess. I just don't know anyone from MO who would say they were southern either.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Then you haven't met the yokels I have. Or their cousins in greater Kentuckiana (basically all of Indiana south of Marion County except parts of Bloomington and maybe Evansville). Who claim to proudly be part of the South (although being a racist hick is not a matter of geography but mindset).

          • Come on, FakaktaSouth, I'm not that stupid.

          • You mean the North and West are not America's racial paradise? I will have to look into this new information, as it changes my entire worldview, having grown up an lived in the North, in the 2 most segregated cities in the United States.

          • As far as I'm concerned, everything outside of Illinois is the South, including Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana, Minnesota and Ohio. This is where the Union makes its last stand!!

            (Being extra-obnoxious to make a serious point.)

          • FakaktaSouth

            Aight you, be as obnoxious as you would like, it only serves to make me love you more. SECOND – if ANYone says you are stupid I would kick their ass, so you KNOW this is not what I was doing and FINALLY – this is not my point, that oh, you don't know what racism is like blah blah. WHAT I AM SAYING IS – Liberals, assholes, Yankees, people not "From Here" like a lot of the folks here, LOOOOOOVE to shit on the south as a collective group of fucking idiots that are all this way. I think it is a bunch of bullshit that closely resembles what racists do when they talk about how you know how "those" people are, whether it's black people, Jewish people, or ANY group in particular and some mornings when I have had more caffeine than sex I am not in the mood to be painted with that broad of a brush by a bunch of people doing what they are shitting on others for. I do not try to apologize for anything, I see the place for what it is, but I am not going to revel in "oh yeah, what a shock, those people"…you want to say "racist southerners" and qualify that shit? By all means, be my guest.

        • elviouslyqueer

          True, Chet, but then again so was Texas. And believe me, Texans don't consider themselves Southern AT ALL. They are, and will always be, citizens of the sovereign by G-d Republic of Texas.

          • Negropolis

            And, yet, you still hear Yankee used as a slur, and only against anyone they believe to be from the North. Yeah, Texas isn't Southern…until they meet someone from New York City, and then it's all Yee-Haw and wrapping themselves in the Confederate flag.

      • bagofmice

        "I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah."

    • It seems to me that Fakakta and EQ's beef downthread is with you saying that this is somehow typical of southern politicians, when shit like this comes from all over the country, particularly the West.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Well for one thing, Great Britain’s film industry is not doing enough to villainize the U.S.’s second-largest trading partner:"

    I'm quite certain that she is not even cognizant of the fact that the Bond movies are British. In fact, she probably could not find England on a map of the British Isles.

    • tessiee

      I have my doubts as to whether she could find Missouri on a map.

    • biblioteq_tress

      But can she see it from her house?

  • The worst part about this is that our society has gotten to the point where pig ignorant people do not feel ashamed to show how incredibly stupid they are.

    • Baconzgood

      Welcome to NASCAR America.

    • freakishlywrong

      That's exactly what I was thinking. We need a real media to point out what ignorant fools these assholes are. They should be hissed at and shamed, shoes should be thrown. Instead, they get invited on the Sunday "News" shows.

  • “We need to have a new 007 James Bond movie with China as the bad guys,”

    This of course would never see the light of day since China has become an enormous audience of Hollywood movies.

  • An_Outhouse

    This can't be. According to the some retard on the Diane Rehm show last Friday, birthers are a tiny, insignificant, element in the party. Certainly not elected officials.

  • ttommyunger


    • mrpuma2u

      And where did she get that horrible outfit? Off of one of Phylis Schlafly's dead friends???

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    We know that China is "stealing our intelligence from our corporations," but who is stealing Vicky Hartzler's intelligence from Vicky Hartzler?

    • tessiee

      You're assuming she had it to steal?

  • JackDempsey1

    The blonde leading the blind.

  • HippieEsq

    This will be the new Masthead slogan for Politico:

    "they claim it is, so we are just going to go with that."

    • tessiee

      Much more succinct than their previous slogan:

      “I’m sure you are aware of the information that’s floating around the Internet, and I’d like to give you the opportunity to respond to the Obama birth certificate issue and the activist role in that — is there a valid birth certificate? Is there not? Frankly, I haven’t looked into it but I see it’s out there. I just wondered if you want to make a statement on that”

  • Baconzgood

    To be honest I really don't think I could produce my birth certificate. I have no idea where it is. I'm sure I have a copy somewhere but the original long form….I don't think they even have those in my state. So this birther thing is beyond stupid.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      You mean you don't keep it in your 'baby book' so you can whip it out anytime someone asks to see it? (From the Politico article.) Dumb bitch probably doesn't know where hers is, either.

      • tessiee

        Well, of *course* bacon whips it out any time someone asks to see it!
        Oh, you meant his birth certificate.

        • Baconzgood

          The magistrate said I'm not allowed to do that anymore.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Many people got the blues when Barry whipped out his 10" record…of his birth.

      • Yeah, the "baby book" reference, I was gonna say.. Right there told me more about this fruitcake's frame of mind than anything else she says. Still makes me want to go bang my head against a wall a few more times though~

    • freakishlywrong

      When I got my passport, I received a "certificate of live birth" from a hospital that no longer exists, my name was listed as "baby girl" and my feet were blurry. I got a DOD clearance.

      • Fare la Volpe

        My name was listed as "baby girl"

        So YOU'RE the one all those Motown songs were about!

    • Negropolis

      I don't know where mine is, and I think I'm going to have to go down and pay $40 (or however much in the hell Michigan is charging for the things, now), soon, for a copy.

      • Baconzgood

        Especially you. You're black you know, and therefore have to have it on your person ALL the time.

        • Fare la Volpe

          But how do we know he didn't steal it off some white person's bike?

  • Baconzgood

    Tough talk from a Home-Ec teacher.

  • Negropolis

    Ah, the birther card. They keep it right there in their backpocket just in case the economy gets too strong. Because, remember, the economy is still getting better…but the president is still black.

    Because, it'd be irresponsible not to speculate, right? Oh, Ms. Vicky. You poor, stupid fool, you.

  • OobyDoobyDoo

    “China has the largest spy network. They are stealing our intelligence from our corporations … it has the largest industrial espionage and stealing theft in history.”

    I saw that episode of Spooks too, Vicky!

    • tessiee

      "it has the largest industrial espionage and stealing theft in history"

      I'd be inclined to think that the largest "stealing theft" (as opposed to a fibbing theft or run over somebody's kid and keep driving theft?) in history would be the massive, unprecedented transfer of wealth and productivity to the 1% that's been going on for the past 30 years, but everybody seems pretty much OK with that, so maybe it's just me.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Excuse me bitch, but it's Obama that men want to be and women want to be with.

  • I'm sure that US America's, um, vaunted intelligence agencies have been sitting on their ass when dealing with Chinese espionage for at least two decades. Thanks James Bond and Entertainment Tonight for highlighting that…


  • SorosBot

    Hey, I'm getting normal comments again instead of the squiggly aliens! Good.

    And, once again, the birth certificate bullshit doesn't matter, because Obama would be a US Citizen if he was born on the moon, since his mother was a US Citizen; we know what you mean birthers, that you don't consider him to be a real US Citizen because he's black.

    • Barb

      Those squiggly aliens are the Wonkette people who have yet to show their long form birth certificate.

    • MissTaken

      Some of my best friends are squiggly aliens.

      • SorosBot

        Some of your best friends? You were a squiggly alien this morning, too!

        • MissTaken

          That's impossible. I'm a white, no one would ever accuse me of being an alien.

  • Birf Certificate, the new dog whistle for morans.

  • FakaktaSouth

    So this lady is saying she REALLY REALLY believes the Pres is perpetrating one of the biggest frauds of all time possible ever – breaking a major law and infiltrating our borders with his foreign-foreign-ness, "but they claim it is, so we are just going to go with that.” ??? Any body else feel like stealing a bunch of stuff from this lady and then claiming it is yours? She doesn't seem to have terribly strong crime-fighting convictions. OR maybe…just MAYbe she's a big old lying liar pandering racist who wants to maintain her cred with the "Civil Rights Patrol" in her neighborhood? So, yeah, the Pres is a big old liar but she's got her eye on him, don't you worry.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Sort of like how the True Patriots howl about Obama's TREASON and say that the answer is to vote him out. Genuine treason is a capital crime, so if they really love America, they should be upfront about it and bring a federal case, and ask for the firing squad.

    • Barb

      Yes, Fakakta! And to think that Bill and Hillary fell for it.

  • "I don't want you to talk, Ms. Hartzler, I want you to [redacted by the administrator]."

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I'm sorry, but I wouldn't even want to redact her. That stoopid might be catching.

  • bagofmice

    I am thinking that 2 hours of Bond writing perl scripts to grep server logs to detect unauthorized traffic patterns would be somewhat boring.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I don't know what the fuck any of that means, but I upfisted you anyway, because I'm sure if I understood, it would be funny as hell.

    • johnedens

      Do you expect me to find data on Asian resource usage and extraction trends by searching a decade worth of public records?

      No Mister Bond, I expect you to die…

    • comrad_darkness

      If, however, James used Python, it would be very exiting.

      • Gleem McShineys

        No, Mister Bond, I expect (self) to die!

  • Baconzgood

    I wish they would make more movies about midgets break dancing with orangutans in fedora hats.

    • AddHomonym


  • x111e7thst

    Dear Ms Hartzler,
    You will never replace Michele Bachmann in my heart. Your eyes do not bug out enough. Good try though.

  • New 007 flick? How about "Prissy Galore," staring Phyllis Schlafly in the role of Rep. Vicky Hartzler and Jesse Ventura in the role of Rep. She1ey Bachmann?

  • I understand Rep. Hartzler's dilemma in ascertaining veracity. True fact this morning: in my right hand I held a Pop-Tart®, freshly unwrapped for breakfast. In my left, an oatmeal cookie from a vendor at the farmer's market, also for breakfast.. The co-worker assessing my snack setup wanted to know more about the cookie's veracity, even though she's aware that I of course have no clue to its origin other than some nice lady at the Market. The absence of label and brand-name were troubling to my co-worker, who ventured that one could not know where this cookie's been! It merits suspicion, without the corresponding PopTart®'s authenticity warranted by its registered trademark, vast brand recognition — >> ergo, uncontestable superiority to the lumpy, raisin-studded morsel contrasting it.

    I'd like to say that I responded with a stellar testimonial to the appeal of home-baked cookies, how even Girl Scouts' overload their w/ sugar and preservatives, and that natural, oat-y flavor needs only minimal sweetener to taste good despite its lowly, misshapen appearance…
    But I just handed her the PopTart® instead since I figured, if that's what she was really after, it would shut her up. Most arguments on behalf of reason are wasted on those who are more obssessed w/ the wrapper than the contents within.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm afraid to ask what you're having for lunch.

    • ChernobylSoup

      I totally see your point, but if Girl Scouts start making oatmeal cookies when will they have time for abortions?

    • freakishlywrong

      I take it your co-worker is a wingtard.

      • I haven't figured what, or if, her politics *are.*.. I'd noticed at our potluck lunches (maybe 3x a year) she steers clear of homebaked goods, instead selecting only the store-bought chicken wings & the prepackaged brownie-bites. Folks are entitled to their preferences! I feel bad for her deprived palate… there are many examples among numerous office-mates of similar culinary avoidances. Yet Richmond is so packed w/ great local restaurants & markets, the ones that thrive indicate that support for local & original offerings is alive & well.

        • not that Dewey

          I feel bad for her deprived palate

          I feel bad for her kidneys, liver, and immune system.

          • I feel bad for her kidneys, liver, and immune system.

            IMMUNE SYSTEMS ARE A LIBERAL LIE!1!!11!1!!!

    • Baconzgood

      What flavor Pop Tart?

      • Cherry!

        • Baconzgood

          I got the moral of that story. "I had a pop tart and gave it away ergo I'm trying to get a piece of ass off the co worker or I'm insane". No man parts from his pop tart.

    • bagofmice

      She's so sweet, makes you wanna lick the (w)rapper.
      -lil Wayne

    • tessiee

      "The absence of label and brand-name were troubling to my co-worker, who ventured that one could not know where this cookie's been!"

      Is your co-worker one of those people who will die if someone eats a peanut?

      • It's more a lack-of-exposure, I think, than overexposure to something deemed 'toxic' or foreign. I've mentioned here in the past my other co-worker who has expressed that "the only Chinese 'takeout' I've ever eaten is taken from a Stouffers box into the microwave!" and she had worked here 27 years, right around the corner from any number of downtown dining options from Chinese, Japanese, sushi.. These co-workers share some kind of aversion to the idea of foodstuff prepared by an 'imported' (read: "unfamiliar") means of execution, or procured from a dirt-floored marketplace. My cookie was wrapperless and looked 'odd,' not like the misnomer'd "Grandma's Famous" or whatever prepackaged Oatmeal Cake looking things that my [younger] co-worker finds some kind of safety or security in confining herself to.
        I feel like a food snob at times & have to remind myself it's often under-exposure, these folks who eat nothing but frozen din's and boxed mac& cheese etc., as much as any weird bias or aversion.

    • George Spelvin

      That's, that's beautiful, man

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I know a guy who is a birther. He is hilarious because his parents are from India (he was raised in Texas, of course) and he might actually be browner than obama. But he is also clean and very articulate! A real credit to his race!

  • Nobody does it nuttier
    Makes me feel sad for the rest
    Nobody does it half as mad as you
    Birfers, you're the worst

    I wasn't lookin' but somehow you found it
    It tried to hide from your nut light
    But like the stupid around you
    Think the sleeper who rules you
    Is stealin' all the top secrets tonight

    And nobody does it nuttier
    Though sometimes I wish someone could
    Nobody does it quite the way you do
    Why'd you have to be so nuts?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    I wonder if China has thought to thwart James Bond by making sure that all of their ventilation ducts are too small to crawl through

  • Joshua Norton

    I want proof that the white lady wasn't born in Sweden. And don't try to pass off anything as obvious as the birth certificate the actual state you were born in issued. I'm too smart to accept "official documents" as proof of anything.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “We need to have a new 007 James Bond movie with China as the bad guys,”

    Yes, we've spent the last 10 years focusing on the evil that is brown people; time to go ahead and concentrate on the Yellow Peril for a while.

    • el_donaldo

      Well, Fu Manchu did have that secret immortal potion, so he is probably still around hatching nefarious plots against noble Western Christians. Maybe James Bond could fight him.

    • mavenmaven

      "007-The Return of Odd Job"

  • Goonemeritus

    Vicky Hartzler’s right we should focus on policies and not distract ourselves with things that may never be resolved. I’m sure Vicky would rather her electorate focus on her voting record than say whether or not she murdered several hobos and has or has not served dip in their skulls at Super Bowl parties.

  • SpiderCrab

    With their unslakable thirst for intelligence from our American institutions, the Chinese may very well, in a moment of foolishness, tap into the GOP congressional delegation. Then we got 'em!

  • "Stupid is as stupid does."

  • Barrelhse

    Miss Vicki, you need to go back to Tiny Tim now.
    Also, try a remedial course: Speaking Literate English.

  • Baconzgood

    The birther people….I don't know….Can someone explain them to me. Do they huff too much spray paint? Is this some sort of joke I'm not getting? I just don't understand what this is about. No one ever asked any other POTUS this kinda crap. I understand if it's some hick in Alabama who gets his news from short wave radio but this is an elected representative in the United States House. Is she pandering and if she is how many votes will she lose looking like a dope vs how many will she gain spouting this shit? These people in Congress really can't be THAT stupid. Please show me the logic behind it?

    (This comment is 100% snark free)

    • freakishlywrong

      The President is near. That is all. No accomplishment, ideas, achievement can change that. From Mumblety's post above:
      Most arguments on behalf of reason are wasted on those who are more obssessed w/ the wrapper than the contents within. .

  • “We need to have a new 007 James Bond movie with China as the bad guys.”

    Vicky Hartzler, worst Bond girl since Denise Richards in "The World is Not Enough."

  • mavenmaven

    Lie lie lie, that's all the Repubs do all day, and they seem to get away with it. And cf this

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      See also Paul Krugman on the House Republican budget's smoke and mirrors, and the false equivalence of depicting it as a "reasonable side" in budget discussions, rather than the radical restructuring of the economy that it is intended to be.

  • Negropolis

    I'm not sure how three+ years of this is "new". Well, I guess relative to other conspiracy theories.

  • Preferred Customer

    Wouldn't work, anyway. James Bond films don't have the power to change reality. I mean, they made Tomorrow Never Dies and yet Murdoch is still creeping around.

  • anniegetyerfun

    She's not wrong about China's spy network, but she's wrong to think that Chinese spies (many of them boring academics) would make good Bond villains.

  • tessiee

    Part 1:

    They will never let this go — not ever.

    Not more than two days ago, I got an email from an acquaintance forwarding me an article by some black guy who doesn't like Obama (thereby proving that there's *absolutely no racism* involved in the rabid foaming at the mouth that wingnuts do at the very mention of his name).

    I suppose one could make the argument that anyone who is still beating that drum this late in the game isn't likely to be persuaded by any evidence, but I didn't want to let it go, either.

  • tessiee

    Part 2:

    From the little I remember of this person, I thought she was… well-intentioned, if dim; so I wrote back saying, "You should know that I voted for President Obama last time and intend to vote for him next time. I like him, I respect him, and I think he's doing a good job as President. I think you should skip me on the anti-Obama emails".

    No, the repeated use of the word "President" did not sink in. No, the *actual text* of the message did not sink in. Her response was something along the lines of, "All REAL AMURRKANS need to know that Obummerz is a PATHOLOGICAL LIER, and a SOCIALIST, AND A COMMUNIST, AND A NAZI, PLAYING THE RACE CARD, LIES TO THE AMURRICAN PUBLIC, WHARRRGARRBL…" It's like they turn on Fox once, and their mind is replaced a la "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".

    PS. Note how unfair; other people post comments way longer than this (I'm looking at YOU, Chichi!) without having to split them into two comments.

    • Baconzgood


      You know my ex father-in-law? Small world.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I've had to politely request that someone leave me off their political email list. I hate to do it because it forever taints the relationship but enough is enough. At least with FB, I can just delete/block people.

    • mavenmaven

      Splitting your message in two gets you twice the p-points!

      • BaldarTFlagass


      • BaldarTFlagass


      • BaldarTFlagass


      • BaldarTFlagass

        Get me

      • BaldarTFlagass


      • BaldarTFlagass


      • BaldarTFlagass

        130p hurdle!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Burma Shave.

    • Chichikovovich

      Note how unfair; other people post comments way longer than this (I'm looking at YOU, Chichi!) without having to split them into two comments.

      I know other Wonketteers are jealous and I can understand that, but I'm frankly a little disappointed that my super-power turned out to be "is able to post long single messages on Wonkette". I first asked for x-ray vision, of course, but they said that power didn't really exist because something something laws of nature. So I asked to be able to be the first commenter whenever I wanted to be, but they said they'd already given that to Barb. So then I asked for a portfolio of glamour photos of the women who post on Wonkette, but they said that wasn't really a super-power. So I foolishly said, "Oh, forget it, just give me what you can."

      If I had thought a bit longer I'd be able to extend my p-ness at will right now.

  • "We don't demand solid facts! What we demand is the total ABSENCE of solid facts! I demand that I may, or may not be, Hartzler!"

  • tessiee

    “I don’t understand why he didn’t show that right away.”

  • It's not simply "he's black, we hate him, so he's lying about his birth certificate." It's, "he is packing so much 'exotic other', how is it possible that he ever got elected President? There must be some vast and complex conspiracy that explains how our white country was deceived into electing him — nobody we know possesses that much goodwill!"

    • CapnFatback

      "he is packing so much 'exotic other'

      There you go, perpetuating another lurid stereotype. And I bet when you unzip him and let the real Barack Obama out, he's plenty stiff too.

      • "Packing" necessarily means dick size? Says more about you than me! Barack could be packing heat! Oops, that's just another metaphor for dick size.

        • CapnFatback

          Today, we are all metaphors for dick size.

  • Negropolis

    Let's see, names for Hartzler's Bond movie…

    Stupid is Forever
    Stupid Never Dies
    The Spy Who Laughed at Me

    • Barb

      A View to a Buzzkill.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Licence to Kill Chinks and Gooks

    • ElPinche

      Dr. Dumb Ho
      You Only Queef Twice

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Birfers Are Forever
      The Long Form is Not Enough
      From Jakarta With Love

  • Abbystinence

    Well after all, Missouri is the "Show Me State."

  • ElPinche

    Obama should send a 8.5" x 11" photo of dead bin Laden to this dumb bash .
    Signed "Dear pandering moron, Here's my birth certificate . -Love Nobama."

  • OneYieldRegular

    "I urge my constituents to remember that Bond film that featured the evil Russian, Rosa Klebb, and how the Berlin Wall fell just two decades later, ending the Soviet Union."

  • MissTaken

    That picture reminds me to burn all pastel colored blazers and jaunty little scarves. I don't actually own any of that crap, but if I see it I will burn it.

  • Speaking of pictures…

    Here's your Human Centipede for today.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Why do I get the feeling that she regularly has lunch with NC Rep Virginia Foxx?

  • biblioteq_tress

    Boring. Wingnuts, think up something new. Maybe demand the President's marriage license. Then, Hartzler could insist FLOTUS drop trou to prove they are not hiding a gay marriage. Then she could whine about why Ms. Obama did not expose herself earlier.

  • WiscDad

    'stealing our intelligence from our corporations'? Are you fucking kidding me…corporations are falling all over themselves to SELL it to China.

  • rickmaci

    Oh sweet jeebuz, I believe she thinks James Bond is REAL!

  • iburl

    You have to admit, "stealing theft" is the worst kind of theft.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Traffic stop slavery theft is definitely worse.

  • “We need to have a new 007 James Bond movie with China as the bad guys,” she said, citing a report she read recently. “China has the largest spy network. They are stealing our intelligence from our corporations … it has the largest industrial espionage and stealing theft in history.”

    Perhaps, but do you really think Hollywood is ready introduce as transgressively original and innovative a notion as as some sort of "yellow" menace? Frankly, I rather doubt it.

  • DahBoner

    I hear banjo music…

  • comrad_darkness

    The crazy hasn't changed in politics, but the will to keep crazy hidden sure has.

  • Who knew that Vicki would grow up to be such a bitch?

  • owhatever

    Oily Titz totally scores!

  • Troglodeity

    “We need to have a new 007 James Bond movie with China as the bad guys."

    Thank God we had all those old Bond movies with SPECTRE, Janus and Auric Goldfinger as the bad guys, or else they'd all have taken over the United States by now.

  • thefrontpage

    The Tazmanian Daily News
    April 10, 2012
    By Johnathan Milton Bradley

    Tazmanian officials said today, Tuesday, April 10, 2012, that U.S. Rep. Vicky Harzler was indeed born in Tazmania, to Tazmanian parents, she is not a naturalized U.S. citizen, and she is legally unable to hold any political office in the United States. "We have Vicky Hartzler's official birth certificate, and it confirms that she was indeed born in Tazmania, at the Tazmania Memorial Hospital," said Damian Adrian Beezlebub, the Tazmanian High Priest of Public Health and Prime Minister of Hospitals. "She is not a U.S. citizen. She is a Tazmanian citizen."

    • Negropolis

      Needz more "s"s.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Looks like the Chinese stole her "intelligence" early on.

  • BarackMyWorld

    They don't understand why he didn't release it sooner…as if their reaction to the release (both of them) doesn't answer that question by itself.

  • WonkCynic

    Stupid cunt should come out and tell the truth. She doesn't THINK it is fake. She KNOWS it is fake. They all do. If it was real it would say Osama. Not Obama.

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