get mad about this!

THE VETTING: White House Giving Obama Balls To Children?

UglyLook what he’s done now.

Nothing is ever too shameless for our dear Celebrity in Chief, who couldn’t even finish his basketball game at the White House Egg Roll today because he was so busy making out with his own basketball face. From the pool report:

Four players on the court are wearing mostly red Harlem Globetrotters sweats while a few others are in black and navy. Some of the balls they’re playing with are red, white and blue with a presidential portrait …

Kids on the court practiced with some shooting and stretches until the president arrived at 11:13 after visiting a storytelling station …

Sounds like fun for everyone. Does this deserve any further reporting? Definitely not, which is why we now have further reporting on it:

Well, who was it, the Globetrotters or the NBA/WNBA players? Your story’s collapsing, White House. You’re finished.

[The London Review of Books, maybe]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. Fare la Volpe

    I was always waiting for Barry's balls to make headlines.

    This was not what I meant.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Check to see if John Derbyshire is in the area. If he isn't then they might be.

      1. widestanceromance

        There, there, LL. Taking pride in one's teabagging is essential to doing a good job, and. . .oh, you meant the cheap and ugly kind of teabagging.

        Carry on (and do try to keep calm).

  2. elviouslyqueer

    Breitbart is just mad because he never got the chance to play with Barry's balls.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    And if it hadn't been for the heroes at Breitbart, the white people would never have found out. Damn.

  4. Ducksworthy

    Oh. I thought that was a red white and blue watermelon with Obama's face on it. I guess I'll just have to wait for Fox for the real story.

  5. Wile E. Quixote

    How long before someone over at BigDeadGovernment or the Daily Rentboy posts an article saying that Obama's balls are the Obama administration's Watergate?

    1. chicken_thief

      Dittos. I was waiting for an epiphany of a joke, but the thoughts are just coming in dribbles.

    2. Gleem McShineys

      If you don't start making ball jokes around here, you'll definitely be sacked.

  6. Baconzgood

    I'm not playing anymore you cheaters. I'm taking my POTUS and I'm going home.____(My wonkette haz the brokenz)

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Mine has been acting up too. But only twenty minutes left in the workday, so meh.

  7. Lucidamente1

    That's a picture of John Derbyshire giving his kids "the talk." Props never hurt when you want to drive home a point.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      This, son, is what a BLACK man looks like. Stare at it. Let it sink in. I pray to God you never see one in real life (just hang out at the National Review all day and you'll be OK).

    1. teebob2000

      What the… ?? OMG you're right!!! Now he's he's indoctrinating our white childrens with circles!!! What WON'T that black devil stoop to??

    1. north_of_moscow

      This is just the tip of a much longer story that will take us into the deepest, darkest crevices of politics. There will be a lot of cocks. And no small amount of Balls.

  8. Wile E. Quixote

    How many balls did Jake Tapper have to put on his face to get where he is today?

  9. cobweb2

    I guess this validates George Will's accusation that the POTUS is "loutish." Can't get much more loutish than throwing your balls around and encouraging the local PD to make finger rape an everyday sport. Whoops! That latter was a gang of louts from another branch of gov't!

      1. Mapmonger

        A STEP? Either your steps are very short, like a shuffling old, or those suckers hang down your pants leg something awful. Either way, have you seen a doctor about that?

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    When Bush was president, at Easter they gave out little scale models of 500-lb daisy cutter bombs with George's face painted on them, with a little voice balloon saying "Hello Abdul!!!"

      1. sullivanst

        It'll be hard to verify because no-one gave a shit back then, when the President was meh, not blah.

    1. starfanglednut

      Or action figures of the little fuckhead wearing a flight suit on the deck of an aircraft carrier, that says "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" when you push a button.

    1. chicken_thief

      Tebow? Also. Too, has had his hands on many balls. Prolly his face a few times as well.

    2. Generation[redacted]

      According to comments in the link, every dictator in the history of the world ever.

  11. elviouslyqueer

    And now for your obligatory Two Minutes Hate:

    These ubiquitous images of The Narcissistic One are starting to remind me of totalitarian states where on ever corner can be found an adoring monument or portrait of the dictator that is still alive and in power.

    Stay KKKlassy, Big Hollywood.

        1. arihaya

          AND Lincoln, Southerners never called GOP "the party of Lincoln", they always call it "the party of Reagan"

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I wonder which one of the Breitbart sites will break the news about his autopsy report. From what I've heard it shows that his stomach contents were cocaine, bile and a large quantity of semen.

    2. sullivanst

      Glad you picked the least offensive comment.

      I also made the mistake of heading over there and bottomfeedingreading… I think I might need a xanax.

          1. James Michael Curley

            Good plan. Wait too long and one can imagine that the suppose it story can be quite painful.

    3. OneYieldRegular

      He has a carefully thought out, incisive point. The face of the president on a basketball supplied by the Harlem Globetrotters at an Easter egg hunt is exactly like totalitarianism. I only wish Hannah Arendt were here to validate that.

  12. gurukalehuru

    Everybody's making with the slutty little balls jokes, but what about the basket jokes, because they are basketballs, as in Easter baskets, and….
    Oh, fuck it. Balls.

  13. gout

    Gaaa, no warning for the Breitbart link? I accidentally read some of the comments and now will have to start drinking again. My afternoon is shot.

    1. not that Dewey

      If you think that was bad, you should go read the comments on their RIP Mike Wallace article.


  14. Pragmatist2

    If the Harlem Globetrotters brought their balls, what did the Washington Generals bring?

    1. Gleem McShineys

      It is a little confusing as you'd assume that it was the Washington Wizards who'd bring their wizard sleeves.

  15. SorosBot

    Now that the Harlem Globetrotters are supporting Obama, the Breitbarters are going to lose a bunch of money betting on the Washington Generals.

  16. Callyson

    I hope Obama remembers to bring those balls with him the next time he has to negotiate with the Republicans in Congress.

  17. MissTaken

    True story!

    I was still in high school when during the holidays I went to one of those shops in the mall that sells t-shirts that you can have crappy personalized, screen-printing put on. We asked what holiday images they had (yes, I was looking to have an ugly xmas sweatshirt made, the uglier the better). The man showed us some boring snowmen and trees and then he excitedly exclaimed, "I've got big Christmas balls!".

    We laughed and laughed .

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        On a flocked tree, blue ones look nice.

        I love that word. Flocked. Flocked. Flocked.

  18. Callyson

    Someone needs to explain to FrightFart's followers how to bust some balls, since they clearly have no clue how to go about accomplishing that task.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      Reminds me of the famous quote by James Carville.

      "If Hillary gave him one of her balls, they'd both have two"

  19. poorgradstudent

    Are those the balls they make the Guantanamo Bay prisoners play with in their $18.7 million playground? (That would be one way to make FOX News pay attention to national security issues…).

  20. ph7

    Beats the George Bush emblazoned polo mallets my kids were given at the '02 WH easter egg roll

  21. Limeylizzie

    I had a couple of dates with one of the Harlem Globetrotters, I was about 19 and 5'4" and he was about 29 and 7' tall, a match made in heaven.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Well it was awkward over dinner, what with his legs and my tits there was hardly any room for the plates.

        1. sezme

          Did you find out if they called him Curly Neal for nothing? (Sorry, I only remember the names of two (former) Globetrotters).

          1. Limeylizzie

            Well, that's two more than me, I cannot remebmer his name , he was tall and black.

    1. Antispandex

      I hear ya. In my day we had to get a crappy "job" that paid us next to nothing, or just go out and steal our sports equipment. Kids don't know how easy they have it today!

    1. Antispandex

      …because we are collapsing as a nation, not because we are funnier. Everything has hidden meaning now.

  22. Antispandex

    Sure, basketballs. Not baseballs, which would be WAY more American as apple strudel. Not soccer balls, the worlds favorite game. Basketballs, and all of their hidden hoodie meaning. Way to give the election away! Might as well go over to Mitten's new deluxe multi-wives pad, and congratulate him right now!

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      "Mitten's new deluxe multi-wives pad"

      I think I am going to wait until the Deluxe Multi-Wives Pad 5 comes out.

  23. SheriffJoeBiden

    Finally the ultimate right-wing fantasy of being able to repeatedly slam Obama's face into the pavement is a reality, and these assholes STILL aren't happy. There's just no pleasing some people.

  24. Naked_Bunny

    The balls are for emergency use by the Secret Service. Any assassination attempts by the Washington Generals will be met with lethal dodgeball force. The ref won't notice anything amiss.

  25. Troglodeity

    Not to be outdone, the Romney campaign is feverishly targeting its own base with Romney-visaged squash balls, Viagra tablets and yachting hats.

  26. McDonnellville

    I've been trying to post less dirty/juvenile comments on Wonkette & then Newell posts this. BALLS!

  27. GregComlish

    This is even worse than the Dick Cheney line of extra-low hanging Trucknutz that the Whitehouse gave out for Easter in 2006.

  28. ttommyunger

    After watching him roll over on us time and time again over the last three years, I figured somebody had his balls.

Comments are closed.