AND YOU HAVE NOTHING  2:10 pm April 9, 2012

Karl Rove Has $200 Million To Screw Around With

by Jim Newell

Little bratOh man, Karl Rove. Here we all were in 2008 thinking that he’d finally leave the highest ranks of presidential politics and probably go to jail or pick his nose under the railroad tracks all day or something. Instead, here we are with the 2012 presidential election and Rove is running the Republican side yet again, only this time with more money at his disposal and no boss to report to — because, of course, Super PACs are not allowed to and would most certainly never coordinate with actual campaigns.

Rove’s MegaUltraSuperPAC, American Crossroads, is about to begin its purported $200 million dollar ad blitz to “define” the president as no friend of the American people. They are sure to be respectful, classy ads simply pointing out differences in policy preferences (and did you know he’s from Kenya, too?):

Steven J. Law, the group’s leader, said the ads would address the challenge of unseating a president who polls show is viewed favorably even though many people disapprove of his handling of the economy. Basically, Mr. Law said, “how to dislodge voters from him.”

Emphasis ours, because it said “how to dislodge voters from him.” Did you see how it said “how to dislodge voters from him”? Classic.

And again, there’s no evidence that this $200 million ad campaign is in any way connected with the Mitt Romney presidential campaign, because that would be illegal. Anyway, congrats on the new job, Ed Gillespie!

Crossroads was founded with help from the Republican strategists Karl Rove and Ed Gillespie — the latter just signed on as an adviser to Mr. Romney — and so far it has largely been sitting on the sidelines, studying the electorate and planning for the fall as the Republican nominating contest continued.

This election sucks.


Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


nounverb911 April 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Rove sure can buy a lot of Rent Boys for Congress.

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I'm so naming my SuperPAC that.

larryfinexx April 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Can Rove give some of that money to Michelle Bachman so she can get some more fashionable outfits to wear?

Terry April 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Rove will have to talk to Marcus about that.

Come here a minute April 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Let the swiftboating begin!

nounverb911 April 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

A fool and his money….

Doktor StrangeZoom April 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

An asshole and his money are soon forming a SuperPAC

hagajim April 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

"This election sucks" – Not nearly as bad as it will soon. I figure this election will redefine suckage to the nth degree.

bikerlaureate April 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Maybe the unprecedented level of suck will get people to take up their pitchforks and torches (figuratively speaking).

Innuendo has to lose its effectiveness at some point, right?

GOPCrusher April 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm

So far, it is looking to beat the Andrew Jackson-John Tyler election in suckitude.

Maman April 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

This only works if unlike Chuck Grassley's opinion the American people ARE stupid…. oh. we. are. fucked.

widestanceromance April 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Just speaking Rove's name would dislodge me from, well, whatever I was enlodged to at the time.

Oblios_Cap April 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Ham Rove and Colbert will kick Karl's pudgy ass.

nounverb911 April 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I'm beginning to think that October will be nice month to spend abroad this year.

bikerlaureate April 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Surprise libel !!!1!!

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Fer realz.

weejee April 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

If a turd blossoms on K Street will Barb be able to smell it in Albuquerque?

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Hookers and blow for the convention!

Oblios_Cap April 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

$2ooM will buy plenty of both!

Blueb4sunrise April 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Election 2112 The Dislodgening

freakishlywrong April 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Two constants. The turd blossom and Babble Spice. We will never be rid of them in our lifetimes.

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm


ManchuCandidate April 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

It's too bad the candidate is Mittens or that $200 mill might have been useful.

NewtsChicknNeck April 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

By my math, $200M will result in a net +4 votes for Mittens. Not 4%. 4.

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 5:25 pm

If he gave me 50 mil, I might vote for him.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Why is it that Rove will attempt to cater to the moderates, yet Santorum calls Romney a pussy for doing the same thing?

freakishlywrong April 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

This is going to get ugly. The majority overwhelmingly rejected his old boss and people, if polled honestly, loathe conservative policies and positions. Yet, they're going to buy, steal and cheat to make the Kenyan a one-term President and then they're going to punish us for voting for him. And then they'll wonder why there are riots in the streets that'll make the Arab spring look like the 60.s.

Jus_Wonderin April 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I stayed at a Motor Lodge one time, when I was younger.

gullywompr April 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Is that Mike Wallace in that pic?

nounverb911 April 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Close, Dan Rather.

gullywompr April 9, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Phew! Good thing, I was about to let out a "TOO SOON!!!1!"

BTWBFDIMHO April 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Dan Rather rather than Mike Wallace.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

It is a shame Rove is sucking all this money from the RNC, as can you imagine all the nights at Lesbian Bondage Clubs you could buy with that?

elviouslyqueer April 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Please refrain from using the words "Rove" and "sucking" in the same sentence EVER again, Lionel.

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Indeed. Blowing, also too.

noodlesalad April 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

It would be worth it if I knew Scalito et al had to watch every one of those awful commercials. Actually, no, it still wouldn't be worth it. Who says American democracy doesn't have a price tag?

Deportably_Jose April 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Just out of curiousity, what exactly would be sufficient to count as evidence of illegal coordination between Super PACs and campaigns, precisely?

Oh who am I kidding, not that it actually matters; who's going to stop them, the FEC? Let's not be silly.

BerkeleyBear April 9, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Apparently not: 1) having staff from both on the same call to the pac and campaign's common legal adviser in the same room to decide what is and isn't coordination (as Stephen Colbert illustrated); 2) hiring the same people to run the SuperPac who 5 minutes ago were in the campaign's closest circle of policy makers (how Romney's Restoring America's Future (note the R theme) was founded); or 3) hiring the people to run the campaign who were running the SuperPac 5 minutes ago (Gillespie signing on to the Romney campaign). Rove even asked for permission to coordinate/pre-clear messages with the candidate, claiming it wasn't illegal co-ordination because the message would be made by the Pac and they'd only be checking to make sure it was okay with the candidate. That request for advice wasn't answered, so now they have to actually air the ad somewhere once (say, in an e-mail that only staffers and a few key friends get) and then get told through indirect channels (like a TV broadcast) what the candidate thinks.

GAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! Let's just go back to having the entire fund drive being a few buddies of the House of Morgan chipping in a hundred million a piece and candidates staying off the campaign trail altogether.

Antispandex April 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Does it really make Rove a brilliant strategist that people are stupid enough, in America (we're number 1), to vote for enough wingnuts, to allow elections to be so close, that even HE could steal them? I mean, they lost the last election, and Barry didn't even have a brother who was governor of a swing state. Embarrassing!

MissTaken April 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Ham Rove looked nearly edible when he still had hair.

Generation[redacted] April 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

"How to dislodge voters from him"

With a crowbar? Club? Pepper spray? More restrictive voting laws?

BTWBFDIMHO April 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I'd rather have a superPACK.

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Even better, a super package.

mavenmaven April 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I guess we'll be seeing a lot of O'Keefe style "detective work" being more funded and shown than that of most NEA recipients.

Baconzgood April 9, 2012 at 2:27 pm

If we were under the old Ken rules I'd say I wish he'd keel over already. But that's a bad thing to say.

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Well, he can keel over, yes, so long as there's no permanent damage. That we can wish for

Chet Kincaid April 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

With that much money, he might even get laid.

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Eww, Chet. Just… ewww,

Radio福井県 April 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I heard that Obama fathered some blah children.

DaRooster April 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I have long said,"Cheaters never lose… if they do it right."

SayItWithWookies April 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

It'll be an interesting task for Rove to make that mean, stilted, wishy-washy Massachusetts moderate into a palatable candidate for the teabaggers and the Republican middle-of-the-roaders, such as are left. I'm not sure if Karl could do it even if he had all the king's horses and all the king's men.

elviouslyqueer April 9, 2012 at 2:35 pm


GOPCrusher April 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Well, I know the first two words that come to my mind when I think of Karl Rove, is "respectful" and "classy".

Rotundo_ April 9, 2012 at 2:57 pm

They'll just do to Rmoney what they did to Dubya: Limit the press and the general public to utterly scripted events and threaten to yank access if *anything* other than praise is heaped upon him. We were dumb enough to elect Dubya once, sort of, at least, and we are surely no smarter these days.

fartknocker April 9, 2012 at 3:05 pm

What is the new message the GOP is going to send? It will be more of the same dribble about Afghanistan, the military, and how the GOP will save us from the black man in the White House. If Sheldon Adelson's $10 million experiment with Newt failed, how is it that Karl with $200 million will make Romney the winner?

This campaign will get ugly. Interestingly, the NYT indicated the GOP believes Obama may have an even bigger financial war chest.

Not to wish any ill will on anyone, but a few natural disasters and some prompt response by FEMA and DHS could be used to show how that shit stain Cantor attempted to withhold Federal Disaster dollars from Joplin, MO after last summer's F5 tornado and how Ohio'd governor turned down the same aid after the floods earlier this year.

GOPCrusher April 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

They are already estimating that the Obama War Chest will be over 1 Billion dollars. The Rmoney strategy appears to be to run commercials stating that Rmoney is getting his ass kicked because of being outspent.
Maybe after the elections, the Republiklans will put out a bill effectively making the Citizens United ruling null and void.

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Oh, the irony.

PhilippePetain April 9, 2012 at 3:09 pm

It'll be interesting to see how long all of the riches will throw their money down the GOP sinkhole without just sucking it up and playing ball for a few decades like they did the last time they blew the economy up.

Designer_Rants April 9, 2012 at 10:14 pm

They're so good at that, blowing the economy up.

Callyson April 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I sure feel sorry for people who live in swing states. As hateful as the campaigning in the general election will be, you guys are going to get the worst of it…

KotBR April 10, 2012 at 8:03 am

As an Ohioan, I'm trying to convince my wife to disconnect the house phone. I figure by about late August, she'll cave.

NewtsChicknNeck April 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I don't know what everyone's complaining about. Citizen's United cuts both ways. Karl Rove and Bill Maher are practically interchangeable (if you're going to count Rove's money in pesos).
Koch Bros. = Buffett.
Adelsen = Soros.
Kraft = AFL-CIO.
Among billionaires, surely it's a 50-50 split. Same with the most powerful corporations and the most powerful unions.

P.S. I'm kidding. This shit is shameful.

gout April 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm

It is the Repube version of economic stimulus. Stop regulating and the market will dump hundreds of millions into the economy with the result that this poor dumb country gets even dumber. If you could see the invisible hand, it would be making a rude gesture.

fuflans April 9, 2012 at 3:53 pm

coincidentally, i have a small spider hole that needs my attention till early november.

KotBR April 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Karl Rove has $200M to Screw Around With

He better be careful, the Koch brothers' money is likely to get jealous.

Designer_Rants April 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I hope the Kochs spend their $200m, Rove spends his $200m, and then O wins along with a Congressional Dem landslide. Then O packs the SCOTUS, passes laws that sez all rich conservatives have to forfeit 99% of their fortunes to Greenpeace, and then force them to move into sustainable-living situations on sequoia tree branches.

In other words, I'd like to see the plutocrats' cries of being persecuted in a class war become accurate.

extreme_left April 9, 2012 at 5:04 pm

200 m sure will buy a lot of poop decks

owhatever April 9, 2012 at 6:50 pm

In South Carolina, he will spread the rumor the president has fathered black children.

George Spelvin April 9, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Basically, Mr. Law said, “how to dislodge voters from him.”

Let me go out on a limb and predict that lying will be a heavily used technique.

ttommyunger April 10, 2012 at 8:52 am

This is only proof that Ham Rove can dislodge ignorant assholes from their moneez.

DahBoner April 10, 2012 at 11:07 am

Karl Rove started out as a dweeb, but he now believes in the Buffet Rule:

If you don't get to the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet before 5:30, you's gonna have to wait in line…

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 3:03 pm

We could buy air time in various Congressional districts, soliciting stories about Republican incumbents!

"RENTBOYS! Do you have a story about (e.g. Allen West)? Did he blow you thru a glory hole in a men's room stall? Come talk to us to confirm stories we're working on!"

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: