WHA?  1:38 pm April 9, 2012

Allen West: Tanning Tax Is ‘Racist,’ John Wayne Is ‘Watching Our Back’

by Liz Colville

kaySarah Palin and Nikki Haley’s calculated pick for vice president, Florida Rep. Allen West, currently has the fun task of trying to woo Florida Democrats thanks to redistricting laws that are magically moving his cheese around! So over the weekend West spoke at a 1,200-capacity venue in the usually Democratic-leaning Century Village area of Palm Beach County, and 75 people showed up. There, West told these skeptical retirees, who for the most part had no idea who he was, that the tanning tax included in Obamacare is “racist” and that West is the Democrats’ #1 target. The collective response: “He is?” Oh, and then there is Allen West’s Facebook page.

While West told the crowd (“crowd”) that he liked certain parts of the healthcare bill (kids being on their parents’ health plans until age 26; coverage for preexisting conditions), he feels that the bill is approximately 109383939232 pages too long, and that taxing people for using tanning beds is “racist,” as opposed to a preventative anti-cancer measure:

You want to talk about something that’s really racist? They have a tanning tax. I’m not tanning.

Some lady responded to this comment by calling West a “liar,” which is an interesting choice of word. (“You are so tanning.”)

Then there was last week, when West appeared to photoshop himself into a picture of John Wayne, illustrated above, and put it on his Facebook page.

The point? To show solidarity with another ridiculously outspoken and, well, dead, person, who happened to say incredibly racist things from time to time, as this New Times article reminds us. And to apparently roll out his “#1 target” campaign, in which West paints himself as a victim of the Democrats’ wrath in order to…win Democrats’ votes. Accompanying the photo was this caption:

We will be the #1 target for Washington liberals because of our vocal opposition to their failed big government economic policies. We’re ready for the fight, especially with a guy like this watching our back.

Errrr. Who is “we”? And John Wayne is dead? Oh, we are tired now! [Palm Beach Post via Huffington Post, New Times]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 131 comments }

nounverb911 April 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Century Village? Is that the average age there?

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

"Excuse me, young man, but are you here to call the Bingo numbers?"

HippieEsq April 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

"That Steve Erkel fella grew up and got him some muslces and a nice flat-top"

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

"I was promised Jell-O!"

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 6:50 pm

What's that you say?

Negropolis April 10, 2012 at 2:27 am

Muscles don't jiggle.

BornInATrailer April 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

You know who else didn't go to the tanning salon?

nounverb911 April 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

The albino in "The Da Vinci Code"?

WiscDad April 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Willy Wonka?

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Michael Jackson?

Baconzgood April 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Casper?

Geminisunmars April 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Callista?

GOPCrusher April 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Bjork?

metamarcisf April 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Mr. Hankey?

Callyson April 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

John Boehner?

"I have never been in a tanning bed or used a tanning product…no, really, I haven't. You believe me, right?"

Jus_Wonderin April 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

George Washington, our first President?

ManchuCandidate April 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Darth Vader.

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

The residents of Century Village?

Extemporanus April 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Leatherface?

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Edgar and Johnny Winter?

redarmyzombie April 9, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Ozzy Osbourne?

extreme_left April 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm

poop deck?

Negropolis April 10, 2012 at 2:27 am

Powder?

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

John Wayne was a fag. I installed two-way mirrors at his pad in Brentwood, and he came to the door in a dress.

GOPCrusher April 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

OTTO LIBEL!!!!1!1!!

sharethegrief April 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Racist, misogynist, the giant turd of cowboys.

OneYieldRegular April 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

It's a miracle that he didn't accidentally Photoshop himself standing next to John Wayne Gacy.

littlebigdaddy April 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

He's not as crazy as Sheley.

redarmyzombie April 9, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Now granted, that's not saying much…

Baconzgood April 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

But he's so funny as the Mayor of Quahog.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

When tanning is criminalized, only criminals will have tans!

GOPCrusher April 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

This post is approved by the Sanford, FL. Police Dept.

Dashboard Buddha April 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

That could make them easier to find!

bikerlaureate April 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

They have a tanning tax. I’m not tanning.

Cognito ergo dum.

("They" also have other taxes that aren't relevant to me. Shocker.)

GuyClinch April 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Yeah, how come my non-smoking (i.e., uncool) friends don't have to pay any tobacco taxes?

Lascauxcaveman April 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

None of my sober friends are paying their share of the state liquor tax.

(So I see it as my duty to make up for them.)

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

If they didn't have a tanning tax, no doubt Allen West would be in there 24/7.

bikerlaureate April 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Nothing's stopping him. This is such a stupid issue for him. Pick a tax to whinge about that isn't so decadent. (Elitist ?)

And BTW the way, how'd the White House manage to levy new taxes all by themselves? If only this pusbag West was a member of Congress. Oh, wait…

Maman April 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Obama is trying to stop white teenaged girls from looking like Snooki. That is totally racist!!

OC_Surf_Serf April 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Don't go fighting in wars so please excuse me from paying taxes for such things…

Kidneys4Sale April 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

CLASSS WELFAREZ!

OzoneTom April 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Those people of color always stick together.

valthemus April 9, 2012 at 3:01 pm

The Teabaggers defunded the research into the adhesive properties of melanin.

coolhandnuke April 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

The mandingo ate my baby.

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I bet they have a skin-bleaching tax for the blah people, but no one has paid it since Michael Jackson died.

Terry April 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Well, at least he's got a career as a Fox commentator ahead of him.

skoalrebel April 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I really like Adam West. The dude can really change things up: drivin' the Batmobile around DC and showin' the world how we roll in America. [spit!]

Oh, wait . . . Allen West?

Nevermind.

MissTaken April 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

It's racist to remind us sad, pasty white people that our pink skin gets wrinkly and cancer-ridden when we get too much sun. The government should pay for my daily SPF cream as retribution!

HippieEsq April 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Just put a parasol umbrella betwen your knees darling.

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm

But won't that make the aspirin fall out?

Blueb4sunrise April 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Allen needs the Stupid Pandering Fuckwad +50

SorosBot April 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

So you don't want to go to the tanning parlor once a week, getting your skin all nice and tanned in exchange for looking like Jan Brewer once you hit 50?

YasserArraFeck April 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

ol' leather bag libel!!!!!

Lascauxcaveman April 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

P?

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Great, now Rush is gonna be calling you a sun slut or something.

Baconzgood April 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

He's talking about a tanning tax IN THE SUNBELT! (flordia is in the sunbelt right. I'd google it but I don't want to google anything FLA or AZ related this week)

Maman April 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Is that Photoshop or an old cardboard cut out? At least in Photoshop you could make John Wayne look less washed out.

Chet Kincaid April 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

You see, Black Parents? This is the kind of person your kid could become if you don't have "The Talk."

Lascauxcaveman April 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Between this and that brown "civil rights group" lady reporter a few posts down, you've had a lot of opportunities today to talk about "The Talk."

Chet Kincaid April 9, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Hey, a comment joke isn't worn out until you've used it 12 times!

Antispandex April 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Why do people who are in dick measuring contests always feel the need to try the old 'Duke" analogies? Allen, you're a black man! Stand next to a picture of Malcom X and really scare the shit out of whitey! (Scaring people is the 21st century version of buying votes…catch up fella).

BornInATrailer April 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Sadly, I don't think there are any older, macho black figures that West could stand next to that the Tea Party would find acceptable.

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

They'd probably be good with the Ivan Dixon guy who played Kincheloe in Hogan's Heroes, as long as they didn't find out about his role in the film Carwash.

YasserArraFeck April 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Isn't there some non-threatening "Magic Negro" somewhere who could step in?

DaRooster April 9, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Could wear a hoodie… that always scares me.

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

No matter how many times I see a picture of that guy, I still can't get past that odd haircut.

Geminisunmars April 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

How can you tell, with his hat on?

GOPCrusher April 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Just hasn't been the same since Kid & Play broke up.

Extemporanus April 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm
JustPixelz April 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

They have a tanning tax. I’m not tanning.

I just went to the Caribbean*. It was spring break so there were a lot of young people in bikinis. Some were blah, but "tanning" anyway. I guess so other young people could see their pre-tanned skin, except the bikini parts. Otherwise, I don't get it.

Anyway, the Sun is racist by giving white people skin cancer for trying to look like blah people. Fucking Sun.
________________________
* I did not see Mitt Romney's money relaxing on the beach.

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

That's because his money works hard so he won't have to.

snoopyfan2010 April 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Of course, that is why they call themselves Knights. Bad pun is bad.

SayItWithWookies April 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

A teabagger is complaining about not paying taxes? It never ends with this bunch.

not that Dewey April 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

John Wayne's Teeth – are they plastic, or are they steel?

SheriffRoscoe April 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

26-year old "kids"? Does Allen West need a refresher course in wingnut talking points?

Extemporanus April 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Read. My. Lips: NO NUDE TAXES!

elviouslyqueer April 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

From the Post:

I support West. At least he showed up in a heavily democrat area. He's no coward! some democrats are really nasty people. they have no couth

Comedy. GOLD.

ManchuCandidate April 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

So I take it couth means showing up with guns strapped on your body…

freakishlywrong April 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Spoken like a true Dem. We always use the pejorative "Democrat" (party, district). Wingnut talking point 1.

HateMachine April 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Hey! I'll have you know my couth is plenty big!

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I love to lie around on my couth and watch TV.

DahBoner April 10, 2012 at 1:07 pm

HOO HAW LIBEL!

Barrelhse April 9, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Nasty? WTF? Who's fucking nasty, you flyblown little hunk of dogshit? Come over here and I'll shove some couth so far up your ass the proctologist will call in the ENT guy to remove it.

actor212 April 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

White people be unfairly taxed!

DahBoner April 10, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Since White people are already enslaved under Obama, shouldn't Duke call him "Master" and have to walk 10 paces behind????

mavenmaven April 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

They both have "hat head", though in West's case, even without the hat.

SayItWithWookies April 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Wait — it looks like he's been wearing — a fez!

commiebro April 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

don't make me do it without the fez on

Callyson April 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

You know who else is the #1 target for Washington liberals?

anniegetyerfun April 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

All of them, Cally.

Blueb4sunrise April 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

The Harlem Socialists?

Deportably_Jose April 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

If I had to guess, I'd say the one in West Seattle.

HateMachine April 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Barack Obama's taut posterior?

Chill-A-Sketch April 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

If Allen was really concerned about racism, perhaps he could try joining one of those "Civil Right Groups" patrolling Sanford, FL.

Dashboard Buddha April 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

That would be fascinating tv.

valthemus April 9, 2012 at 3:09 pm

They would welcome him with open nooses.

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 6:56 pm

They would consider him a strange fruit.

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Well, at least he knows "where de white wimmen at."

UnholyMoses April 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

So … the guy is yet another ignorant, repulsive, morally abhorrent tool of the right who is too stupid to realize that he's being used (poorly and without luck) in an attempt to prove the GOP doesn't hate all blah people.

Allen West, Herman Cain, Thomas Sowell, and Michael Steele: The Four Tokens of the Derpacolypse.

Dashboard Buddha April 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

"he liked certain parts of the healthcare bill"

Fucking RINO.

Deportably_Jose April 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Maybe I'm a tad confused here, but is discouraging white people from giving themselves melanoma supposed to be racism against white people?

starfanglednut April 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Yup. That's it. Don't worry, my brain hurts too.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

"We will be the #1 target for Washington liberals…"

You despise me, don't you?

If I gave you any thought I probably would.

CommieLibunatic April 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Can I just be racist to Allen West individually?

YasserArraFeck April 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm

that would be "Westist" – carry on

Radio福井県 April 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Both these great American heroes had stellar military records.

JustPixelz April 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Here's what the Duke thought of Alan West back in 1971:

“I believe in white supremacy until blacks are educated to a point of responsibility. I don’t believe in giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people.”

Fortunately, John ("Marion Morrison") Wayne only had a couple years of college, while West has a masters degree. Who's the educated one now Duke?

DahBoner April 10, 2012 at 1:03 pm

John Wayne was a frat boy from Iowa.

Probably had to drop out because going to class was cutting into his drinking and soriety girl raping time…

JustPixelz April 10, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I don't like John Wayne. I never understood his appeal. According to Wikipedia, he dropped out when he lost his USC football scholarship due to an injury while surfing. Surfing!

BerkeleyBear April 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Hate to break it to old Allen, but tanning booths aren't only used by white people (they shouldn't be used by anyone, but that's a different issue) so I'm not sure where the racism is – the stupid, I know where that is.

Oh, and blah people (especially those who are not especially dark skinned) can get skin cancer – ie, they can and do tan, even to unhealthy extremes, even if they don't know it. Encouraging blah and Latino people to wear sunscreen is actually a serious public health issue (not as serious as AIDS, but serious). So he doubled down on the stupid with ignorant mythology.

chascates April 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

"That'll be the day."

Chet Kincaid April 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Toussaint Louverture wept.

BaldarTFlagass April 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I think Mr West would have played the part of General Charles LeClerc in that particular historical drama. Except LeClerc was white.

Chet Kincaid April 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Or, he would have led the North African troops France sent to Madagascar to commit atrocities against the rebellion in 1947:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malagasy_Uprising

Which I only know about because of a great album by the group Tarika:
http://www.frootsmag.com/tarika/son_egal/

But haha, these analogies assume West was a competent, let alone brilliant, soldier, when he actually just got set aside in disgrace.

BTWBFDIMHO April 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Photoshopping himself into John Wayne would mean this: https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-EeWxgSG6JVk/T4

YasserArraFeck April 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

"The Quiet Man" would've been way more entertaining: "BeJayzus! Who let dat black fella inta de village?! Begorrah, dere goes de neighbourhood!!"

Wile E. Quixote April 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

You know, when I read "Photoshopping himself into John Wayne" an entirely different mental image of what that would look like came to mind, and yes, santorum was involved.

bikerlaureate April 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm

But he likes the popular parts of ACA, so we've got that going for us, which is nice.

LiberalMantra April 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

He can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk?

Wile E. Quixote April 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Well if he's like the Duke then the answer is "no". John Wayne was a draft dodger. Allen West is so goddamned pathetic. Here he is desperately trying to keep his seat and he has to invoke the spirit of a white-supremacist, draft-dodger to help him out.

valthemus April 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I'm imagining a liberals only comedy club where all the comics have to do is get on stage and say "Allen West" or "Steve King" to have people cracking up.

commiebro April 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'm curious; why does this asshat wear a Navy Parachutist badge, when he was an Army guy? http://www.militaryheadgear.com/system/photos/000

iburl April 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Handicapped parking is racist against able bodied drivers.

owhatever April 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

If I want a dead guy to protect my back, I would pick Ted Nugent.

saysaysomething April 9, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Of course, there is a large cancer center in Santa Monica, called the John Wayne Cancer Center (inside St. John's hospital) which has some of the foremost leaders in melanoma research and treatment. I'm grateful for this because their work has kept me cancer free so far since my stage 2B melanoma diagnosis over 2 years ago. John Wayne (and his estate) would absolutely support this tax. Absolutely.

imissopus April 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I don't live in Allen West's district, so please make sure none of my tax dollars go towards his salary, pension, health benefits, and so forth.

And John Wayne? Does he think it's 1972?

fuflans April 9, 2012 at 11:23 pm

needs more ennio morricone

Negropolis April 10, 2012 at 2:33 am

Allen, Kid & Play called; they want their haircut back.

DahBoner April 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

His hair printer is running out of toner!

ttommyunger April 10, 2012 at 8:54 am

I've always gotten along famously with my black comrades, but this West guy just has a face for punching. What a fucking moran!

DahBoner April 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Jeffery Dalmer's got their backs.

Also, legs and thighs too!

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