wha?

Allen West: Tanning Tax Is ‘Racist,’ John Wayne Is ‘Watching Our Back’

kaySarah Palin and Nikki Haley’s calculated pick for vice president, Florida Rep. Allen West, currently has the fun task of trying to woo Florida Democrats thanks to redistricting laws that are magically moving his cheese around! So over the weekend West spoke at a 1,200-capacity venue in the usually Democratic-leaning Century Village area of Palm Beach County, and 75 people showed up. There, West told these skeptical retirees, who for the most part had no idea who he was, that the tanning tax included in Obamacare is “racist” and that West is the Democrats’ #1 target. The collective response: “He is?” Oh, and then there is Allen West’s Facebook page.

While West told the crowd (“crowd”) that he liked certain parts of the healthcare bill (kids being on their parents’ health plans until age 26; coverage for preexisting conditions), he feels that the bill is approximately 109383939232 pages too long, and that taxing people for using tanning beds is “racist,” as opposed to a preventative anti-cancer measure:

You want to talk about something that’s really racist? They have a tanning tax. I’m not tanning.

Some lady responded to this comment by calling West a “liar,” which is an interesting choice of word. (“You are so tanning.”)

Then there was last week, when West appeared to photoshop himself into a picture of John Wayne, illustrated above, and put it on his Facebook page.

The point? To show solidarity with another ridiculously outspoken and, well, dead, person, who happened to say incredibly racist things from time to time, as this New Times article reminds us. And to apparently roll out his “#1 target” campaign, in which West paints himself as a victim of the Democrats’ wrath in order to…win Democrats’ votes. Accompanying the photo was this caption:

We will be the #1 target for Washington liberals because of our vocal opposition to their failed big government economic policies. We’re ready for the fight, especially with a guy like this watching our back.

Errrr. Who is “we”? And John Wayne is dead? Oh, we are tired now! [Palm Beach Post via Huffington Post, New Times]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    Century Village? Is that the average age there?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Excuse me, young man, but are you here to call the Bingo numbers?"

      • HippieEsq

        "That Steve Erkel fella grew up and got him some muslces and a nice flat-top"

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          "I was promised Jell-O!"

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            What's that you say?

        • Negropolis

          Muscles don't jiggle.

  • BornInATrailer

    You know who else didn't go to the tanning salon?

    • nounverb911

      The albino in "The Da Vinci Code"?

    • WiscDad

      Willy Wonka?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Michael Jackson?

    • Baconzgood

      Casper?

    • Geminisunmars

      Callista?

    • GOPCrusher

      Bjork?

    • metamarcisf

      Mr. Hankey?

    • Callyson

      John Boehner?

      "I have never been in a tanning bed or used a tanning product…no, really, I haven't. You believe me, right?"

    • Jus_Wonderin

      George Washington, our first President?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Darth Vader.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The residents of Century Village?

    • Extemporanus

      Leatherface?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Edgar and Johnny Winter?

    • redarmyzombie

      Ozzy Osbourne?

    • extreme_left

      poop deck?

    • Negropolis

      Powder?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    John Wayne was a fag. I installed two-way mirrors at his pad in Brentwood, and he came to the door in a dress.

    • GOPCrusher

      OTTO LIBEL!!!!1!1!!

    • sharethegrief

      Racist, misogynist, the giant turd of cowboys.

  • OneYieldRegular

    It's a miracle that he didn't accidentally Photoshop himself standing next to John Wayne Gacy.

    • littlebigdaddy

      He's not as crazy as Sheley.

      • redarmyzombie

        Now granted, that's not saying much…

  • Baconzgood

    But he's so funny as the Mayor of Quahog.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    When tanning is criminalized, only criminals will have tans!

    • GOPCrusher

      This post is approved by the Sanford, FL. Police Dept.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      That could make them easier to find!

  • bikerlaureate

    They have a tanning tax. I’m not tanning.

    Cognito ergo dum.

    ("They" also have other taxes that aren't relevant to me. Shocker.)

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      Yeah, how come my non-smoking (i.e., uncool) friends don't have to pay any tobacco taxes?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        None of my sober friends are paying their share of the state liquor tax.

        (So I see it as my duty to make up for them.)

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      If they didn't have a tanning tax, no doubt Allen West would be in there 24/7.

      • bikerlaureate

        Nothing's stopping him. This is such a stupid issue for him. Pick a tax to whinge about that isn't so decadent. (Elitist ?)

        And BTW the way, how'd the White House manage to levy new taxes all by themselves? If only this pusbag West was a member of Congress. Oh, wait…

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Obama is trying to stop white teenaged girls from looking like Snooki. That is totally racist!!

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Don't go fighting in wars so please excuse me from paying taxes for such things…

    • Kidneys4Sale

      CLASSS WELFAREZ!

  • OzoneTom

    Those people of color always stick together.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      The Teabaggers defunded the research into the adhesive properties of melanin.

  • coolhandnuke

    The mandingo ate my baby.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I bet they have a skin-bleaching tax for the blah people, but no one has paid it since Michael Jackson died.

  • Terry

    Well, at least he's got a career as a Fox commentator ahead of him.

  • skoalrebel

    I really like Adam West. The dude can really change things up: drivin' the Batmobile around DC and showin' the world how we roll in America. [spit!]

    Oh, wait . . . Allen West?

    Nevermind.

  • MissTaken

    It's racist to remind us sad, pasty white people that our pink skin gets wrinkly and cancer-ridden when we get too much sun. The government should pay for my daily SPF cream as retribution!

    • HippieEsq

      Just put a parasol umbrella betwen your knees darling.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        But won't that make the aspirin fall out?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Allen needs the Stupid Pandering Fuckwad +50

    • SorosBot

      So you don't want to go to the tanning parlor once a week, getting your skin all nice and tanned in exchange for looking like Jan Brewer once you hit 50?

      • YasserArraFeck

        ol' leather bag libel!!!!!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      P?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Great, now Rush is gonna be calling you a sun slut or something.

  • Baconzgood

    He's talking about a tanning tax IN THE SUNBELT! (flordia is in the sunbelt right. I'd google it but I don't want to google anything FLA or AZ related this week)

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Is that Photoshop or an old cardboard cut out? At least in Photoshop you could make John Wayne look less washed out.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    You see, Black Parents? This is the kind of person your kid could become if you don't have "The Talk."

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Between this and that brown "civil rights group" lady reporter a few posts down, you've had a lot of opportunities today to talk about "The Talk."

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Hey, a comment joke isn't worn out until you've used it 12 times!

  • Antispandex

    Why do people who are in dick measuring contests always feel the need to try the old 'Duke" analogies? Allen, you're a black man! Stand next to a picture of Malcom X and really scare the shit out of whitey! (Scaring people is the 21st century version of buying votes…catch up fella).

    • BornInATrailer

      Sadly, I don't think there are any older, macho black figures that West could stand next to that the Tea Party would find acceptable.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        They'd probably be good with the Ivan Dixon guy who played Kincheloe in Hogan's Heroes, as long as they didn't find out about his role in the film Carwash.

      • YasserArraFeck

        Isn't there some non-threatening "Magic Negro" somewhere who could step in?

    • DaRooster

      Could wear a hoodie… that always scares me.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    No matter how many times I see a picture of that guy, I still can't get past that odd haircut.

    • Geminisunmars

      How can you tell, with his hat on?

    • GOPCrusher

      Just hasn't been the same since Kid & Play broke up.

    • Extemporanus
  • JustPixelz

    They have a tanning tax. I’m not tanning.

    I just went to the Caribbean*. It was spring break so there were a lot of young people in bikinis. Some were blah, but "tanning" anyway. I guess so other young people could see their pre-tanned skin, except the bikini parts. Otherwise, I don't get it.

    Anyway, the Sun is racist by giving white people skin cancer for trying to look like blah people. Fucking Sun.
    ________________________
    * I did not see Mitt Romney's money relaxing on the beach.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      That's because his money works hard so he won't have to.

    • snoopyfan2010

      Of course, that is why they call themselves Knights. Bad pun is bad.

  • SayItWithWookies

    A teabagger is complaining about not paying taxes? It never ends with this bunch.

  • not that Dewey

    John Wayne's Teeth – are they plastic, or are they steel?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    26-year old "kids"? Does Allen West need a refresher course in wingnut talking points?

  • Extemporanus

    Read. My. Lips: NO NUDE TAXES!

  • elviouslyqueer

    From the Post:

    I support West. At least he showed up in a heavily democrat area. He's no coward! some democrats are really nasty people. they have no couth

    Comedy. GOLD.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      So I take it couth means showing up with guns strapped on your body…

    • freakishlywrong

      Spoken like a true Dem. We always use the pejorative "Democrat" (party, district). Wingnut talking point 1.

    • HateMachine

      Hey! I'll have you know my couth is plenty big!

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I love to lie around on my couth and watch TV.

      • DahBoner

        HOO HAW LIBEL!

    • Barrelhse

      Nasty? WTF? Who's fucking nasty, you flyblown little hunk of dogshit? Come over here and I'll shove some couth so far up your ass the proctologist will call in the ENT guy to remove it.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    White people be unfairly taxed!

    • DahBoner

      Since White people are already enslaved under Obama, shouldn't Duke call him "Master" and have to walk 10 paces behind????

  • mavenmaven

    They both have "hat head", though in West's case, even without the hat.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Wait — it looks like he's been wearing — a fez!

      • http://ergomatic.blogspot.com commiebro

        don't make me do it without the fez on

  • Callyson

    You know who else is the #1 target for Washington liberals?

    • anniegetyerfun

      All of them, Cally.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      The Harlem Socialists?

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

      If I had to guess, I'd say the one in West Seattle.

    • HateMachine

      Barack Obama's taut posterior?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    If Allen was really concerned about racism, perhaps he could try joining one of those "Civil Right Groups" patrolling Sanford, FL.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      That would be fascinating tv.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      They would welcome him with open nooses.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        They would consider him a strange fruit.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, at least he knows "where de white wimmen at."

  • UnholyMoses

    So … the guy is yet another ignorant, repulsive, morally abhorrent tool of the right who is too stupid to realize that he's being used (poorly and without luck) in an attempt to prove the GOP doesn't hate all blah people.

    Allen West, Herman Cain, Thomas Sowell, and Michael Steele: The Four Tokens of the Derpacolypse.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    "he liked certain parts of the healthcare bill"

    Fucking RINO.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    Maybe I'm a tad confused here, but is discouraging white people from giving themselves melanoma supposed to be racism against white people?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Yup. That's it. Don't worry, my brain hurts too.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    "We will be the #1 target for Washington liberals…"

    You despise me, don't you?

    If I gave you any thought I probably would.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Can I just be racist to Allen West individually?

    • YasserArraFeck

      that would be "Westist" – carry on

  • Radio福井県

    Both these great American heroes had stellar military records.

  • JustPixelz

    Here's what the Duke thought of Alan West back in 1971:

    “I believe in white supremacy until blacks are educated to a point of responsibility. I don’t believe in giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people.”

    Fortunately, John ("Marion Morrison") Wayne only had a couple years of college, while West has a masters degree. Who's the educated one now Duke?

    • DahBoner

      John Wayne was a frat boy from Iowa.

      Probably had to drop out because going to class was cutting into his drinking and soriety girl raping time…

      • JustPixelz

        I don't like John Wayne. I never understood his appeal. According to Wikipedia, he dropped out when he lost his USC football scholarship due to an injury while surfing. Surfing!

  • BerkeleyBear

    Hate to break it to old Allen, but tanning booths aren't only used by white people (they shouldn't be used by anyone, but that's a different issue) so I'm not sure where the racism is – the stupid, I know where that is.

    Oh, and blah people (especially those who are not especially dark skinned) can get skin cancer – ie, they can and do tan, even to unhealthy extremes, even if they don't know it. Encouraging blah and Latino people to wear sunscreen is actually a serious public health issue (not as serious as AIDS, but serious). So he doubled down on the stupid with ignorant mythology.

  • chascates

    "That'll be the day."

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Toussaint Louverture wept.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think Mr West would have played the part of General Charles LeClerc in that particular historical drama. Except LeClerc was white.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Or, he would have led the North African troops France sent to Madagascar to commit atrocities against the rebellion in 1947:
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malagasy_Uprising

        Which I only know about because of a great album by the group Tarika:
        http://www.frootsmag.com/tarika/son_egal/

        But haha, these analogies assume West was a competent, let alone brilliant, soldier, when he actually just got set aside in disgrace.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Photoshopping himself into John Wayne would mean this: https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-EeWxgSG6JVk/T4

    • YasserArraFeck

      "The Quiet Man" would've been way more entertaining: "BeJayzus! Who let dat black fella inta de village?! Begorrah, dere goes de neighbourhood!!"

    • Wile E. Quixote

      You know, when I read "Photoshopping himself into John Wayne" an entirely different mental image of what that would look like came to mind, and yes, santorum was involved.

  • bikerlaureate

    But he likes the popular parts of ACA, so we've got that going for us, which is nice.

  • LiberalMantra

    He can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Well if he's like the Duke then the answer is "no". John Wayne was a draft dodger. Allen West is so goddamned pathetic. Here he is desperately trying to keep his seat and he has to invoke the spirit of a white-supremacist, draft-dodger to help him out.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    I'm imagining a liberals only comedy club where all the comics have to do is get on stage and say "Allen West" or "Steve King" to have people cracking up.

  • http://ergomatic.blogspot.com commiebro

    I'm curious; why does this asshat wear a Navy Parachutist badge, when he was an Army guy? http://www.militaryheadgear.com/system/photos/000

  • iburl

    Handicapped parking is racist against able bodied drivers.

  • owhatever

    If I want a dead guy to protect my back, I would pick Ted Nugent.

  • saysaysomething

    Of course, there is a large cancer center in Santa Monica, called the John Wayne Cancer Center (inside St. John's hospital) which has some of the foremost leaders in melanoma research and treatment. I'm grateful for this because their work has kept me cancer free so far since my stage 2B melanoma diagnosis over 2 years ago. John Wayne (and his estate) would absolutely support this tax. Absolutely.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I don't live in Allen West's district, so please make sure none of my tax dollars go towards his salary, pension, health benefits, and so forth.

    And John Wayne? Does he think it's 1972?

  • fuflans

    needs more ennio morricone

  • Negropolis

    Allen, Kid & Play called; they want their haircut back.

    • DahBoner

      His hair printer is running out of toner!

  • ttommyunger

    I've always gotten along famously with my black comrades, but this West guy just has a face for punching. What a fucking moran!

  • DahBoner

    Jeffery Dalmer's got their backs.

    Also, legs and thighs too!