Asphinctersayswhat?You would be forgiven for thinking that it would be FUCKING MORONIC for the Right to be all in an uproar because President Ignatius Q. Muslin uses the phrase “freedom of worship” sometimes instead of exclusively saying “freedom of religion.” But have you really learned so little in all this time? Now Obama’s onetime buddy Rick Warren, megachurch pastor and super cool dude, has joined the parade of Furious Wingnuts and their Ever Spitty Leader Rick Santorum in arguing that the president is … well, Jesus Christ who even knows anymore.

[I]n the first place, there is a redefinition from freedom of religion to phrases — now you hear people talking about freedom of worship. That means it’s limiting what the church does to only what happens in the one hour on Sunday morning as worship.

Well, that’s the thanks Obama gets for showing up at Rick Warren’s Orange County megachurch back in 2008 (we were there!) and for asking Warren to give the benediction at his inauguration. But did Rick Warren got this awesome and totally sound talking point from his ass? No, he got it from Rick Santorum, who never misses an opportunity to just stone cold be a dick, like so:

“When you have the president of the United States referring to the freedom of religion … not as the freedom of religion but the freedom of worship, you should get very nervous, very nervous,” Santorum said.

Here’s the LA Times, explaining why this is fucking stupid:

One problem with this line of reasoning is that Obama has used the phrase “freedom of religion” on numerous occasions throughout his presidency. According to an article in Christianity Today, Bush used the term “freedom of worship” far more often than Obama, without incurring criticism.

Haha, that’ll stop ’em, LA Times and “Christianity Today,” if you are even real Christians which you obviously are not!!1! BURN HIM. [NewsMax; LATimes]

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  • nounverb911

    Peace is war
    Love is hate
    Blah is white?

    • those who are last shall be blurst…

    • Beowoof

      Everything but that last one seems to take too many liberties for the right. Blah is Blah is Blah.

  • Barb

    Ugh, I am cool with Jesus. It's his followers I can't stand.

    • His fans are more annoying than Nickelback's.

      • Or Creed's

      • One_Man_Band

        At least Nickelback actually exists, though.

    • JustPixelz

      When they get to heaven, Jeebus will make them follow his teachings. And they'll think they're in hell.

      • The Rapture is really just the B-Ark

    • snoopyfan2010

      I don't think it is really him they are following.

    • doloras

      If there is an afterlife, Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, Joseph Smith, Marx and probably L. Ron Hubbard are in hiding from their fanclub there.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Needz moar "freedom from religion."

    • nounverb911

      Needs more loss of tax exemptions.

    • JustPixelz

      I'm with you. We should enshrine that in the sacred Book of Wonkette. Anyone who speaks contrary to your teaching is a blasphemer who will face the Wrath of Kahn.

      • LiveToServeYa

        And TruckNutz without end. Amen.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Oh fuck. I mean, just fuck. Poor persecuted _________________.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Non-lion-eaten people?

  • skoalrebel

    Freedom means doing what Jesus says. [spit] I'm a true believer in the authority of the Constitution, written by Jesus hisself. [spit!] Don't Tread on Me! Dip Will Set You Free! USA!! USA!!!

  • slithytoves

    Personally, I would approve of any further restrictions on religion.

  • freakishlywrong

    What don't these fuckers parse?

    • An_Outhouse


    • sullivanst

      Things said by their side?

      Actually no, you have a good point, because even then, they engage in ridiculous parsing in their desperate attempts to explain how they're not racist misogynist homophobic cunts, but we are for saying they are.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Jesus Fucking Christ.

  • But did Rick Warren got this awesome and totally sound talking point from his ass? No, he got it from Rick Santorum…

    One dirty hole or another…

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh, and for fuck's sake with the fucking outrage already.

  • Geminisunmars

    I'm tired of even trying to understand what these fuckers are even talking about.

  • Bush was saying, "freedom of warships"
    error in english-folksy translation

    • Beowoof

      Unless they're murican warships and they are there to let you know who is large and in charge or we will blow you up.

    • OurDailyBread

      Why isn't the right to bear warships in the Second Amendment?

  • edgydrifter

    Until all people in all nations are made to bow their heads before the cross, there will never be freedom of religion in Real America.

    • Oblios_Cap

      hopefully they'll be made to bow by America's use of brute force and pilotless drones. It'll be for their own good.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Bush used the term “freedom of worship” far more often than Obama, without incurring criticism.

    Yeah, but Bush wasn't blah.

    • Geminisunmars

      Well, to be fair, it hadn't occurred to the rightwing back then to make a distinction between the two words.

  • JohnnyQuick

    It was certainly a bold and almost welcome move of charity for Obamz to invite this representative of white evangelical goatee-fucker to speak at his inauguration. He must've known that the odds were 90-to-1 this douche would turn on him almost instantly.

    This is how you know Obama was serious about his crazy idea of post-partisanship and having Republicans feel shamed to actually act for the good of the country. I'm glad he's over that delusion now, but it's a bittersweet awakening, I imagine.

  • Will the prosecution of the White Evangelist minority ever stop?

    • GOPCrusher

      I'm wearing a hoodie in support.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Having spent an entire Easter afternoon listening to a devout Southern Baptist relative–after leading us in prayer and thanks for Jesus's annual zombiefication–proceed to bitch about immigration ("them wetbacks need to learn ENGLISH when they come to OUR country"), foreign policy ("I spent a year over in that place, and you want to tell me that those ragheads don't want to kill us?"), and presidential authority ("that nigger president hasn't done shit for America"), all I can say with any amount of sincerity is…

    Fuck these people. Fuck. Them. All.

    • JohnnyQuick

      Boy howdy, I don't envy your waste of an afternoon. Any good snacks?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Well, the BBQ pork was a tad lifeless, but the strawberry cake was made of awesome. On the definite minus, NO ALCOHOL.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          "On the definite minus, NO ALCOHOL."

          Did you know this before attending? Because if you did, tsk tsk tsk and for shame.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Oh Baldar, welcome to Easter Sunday with Baptists in Mississippi. If we were in Louisiana, we would've already polished off the mimosas, fired up the blender for daiquiris, and tapped a keg.

          • anniegetyerfun

            My dear, you are welcome to come join us next year for an afternoon of drunken debauchery and deviled eggs.

            That's right – DEVILED.

          • elviouslyqueer

            I knew there was something missing from the Easter buffet. DAMMIT. *scribbles reminder to make deviled eggs next year. With extra devil*

    • freakishlywrong

      How many did you kill? And or, how medicated were you?

    • Barb

      Elvis, you should have called me. I know the key phrases to piss your aunt off enough to make her go sit in her car in the driveway and pout while everyone enjoys their meal.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Oh, I don't bother arguing with them. I just revel in the fact that said Bible fapper's pre-teen son is heavily involved in musical theater, is a featured soloist at his church, and has requested and received tickets to see every Broadway touring production since he was about 4 years old. We have his complimentary toaster standing by, just in case.

        • Barb

          The gays give out small appliances? I could really use one of those things that scrambles the egg inside the shell before you crack it. Who knows how to scramble one after you put them in a bowl?

          Seriously, (hugs) to you, Elvis. I've been there and I know how annoying that can be.

          • elviouslyqueer

            We're like public radio, Barb. Membership has its benefits. Hell, I'd reapply just to get my hands on the Shark Steam Mop.

        • James Michael Curley

          Tell him the Musical version of "Carrie" is headed out of town next month. Then take his parents. Only if you liked "Scanners."

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Glad you lived to tell the story. I might have shot myself.

    • LOL, the white man's burden.

    • WiscDad

      Hope you only see them on holidays

    • Chichikovovich

      "I spent a year over in that place, and you want to tell me that those ragheads don't want to kill us?"

      That explains why they want to kill us.

      • GOPCrusher

        Yeah. We have Marines pissing on their dead and burning Korans and we can't figure out why the Afghanis are mad at us.

      • This is America. Putting 2 and 2 together is sorcery!!

    • SheriffRoscoe

      I feels ya. I had a rough day, too. I worked with a sweet, albeit ignorant, evangelical stewardess yesterday. She was wishing everyone she met a "Happy Easter!", bless her heart, including all the Jews, Muslims, pagans, and assorted atheists and agnostics departing LAX; so I gently planted the thought in her head that some of the non-reciprocal passengers might not observe the Easter Holiday.

      Long story short, this caused her to engage with your buddy Roscoe, which was a big mistake…..for ME. (Put it this way, if you argue with a wall, who's the bigger fool, you, or the wall?)

      Somehow, it all ended with the discussion turning to science (go figure) and her refusal to accept that the speed of light can possibly be measured, and therefore known. I gave up and spent the rest of the day feeling sorry that I had been so dickish and iconoclastic. It wasn't nice of me, and now I'm all guilt-ridden about it.

      Now what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Freedumb of Religion!

  • metamarcisf

    I wondered what happened to Jaworski since he got kicked off Monday Night Football.

  • LetUsBray

    Have Rick Warren and Comic Book Guy ever been seen in the same room?

    Prosperity Gospel: Worst Ethos Ever!

    • swordfis

      Comic Book Guy, dick that he is, is a moral beacon compared to Rick Warren. And apparently a lot brighter (as beacons should be)

  • In fairness, they actually believe "Arbeit Macht Frei," so there's that too…

    • Arby's Makes Fries.

      • EmileZoloft

        The best fries and sexiest uniforms are at the Downtown Arby's.

    • SayItWithWookies

      For others, not themselves.

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    I'm in the market for a spiritual adviser. Do you know of anyone who cynically exploits the ignorantly-formed predispositions of his followers for personal gain and notoriety, very obviously has no concern for his physical health or appearance, and dresses like he shops exclusively at Men's Warehouse fire sales? Oh wow, thanks Wonkette!

  • SaintRond

    Say, didn't that fat fuck help get the Ugandans to pass those Kill the Gays laws?

    Just wondering.

    • Guppy

      "Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out." I believe it's in one of the Pauline Epistles.

    • American Evangelicals are responsible for funding a lot more nastiness in that region than just that law. Of course, the "liberal media" can not call out these groups for their behavior because that would be persecution.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I worship Shawna.

  • It's just another sign the GOPers are in serious shit. The wah on Xtians card is pretty much the only card left in their deck to get their base out otherwise they'd have to depend on Mittens amazing charisma, quick wits and intelligence to win… whatever the fuck that might be.

  • SoBeach

    "According to an article in Christianity Today, Bush used the term “freedom of worship” far more often than Obama…"

    Please. Like anything that was said or done before January 2009 counts.

  • MissTaken

    Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Bullshit

    • Nostrildamus

      … employs a Porpoise Driven Dildo.

  • Callyson

    Sounds like we need to update
    noun \ˈwər-shəp also ˈwȯr-\
    Definition of WORSHIP

    chiefly British : a person of importance —used as a title for various officials (as magistrates and some mayors)
    *Today's usage: applies to pompous self proclaimed spokespeople for GOD*

    : reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also : an act of expressing such reverence
    *Commie liberal crap*

    : a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual
    *Creeping atheism*

    : extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem <worship of the dollar>
    *What today's Big Churches *reaaly* care about*


  • "the president is … well, Jesus Christ"

    Works for me.

  • MissTaken

    Trying to understand Rick Warren gives my Saddleback saddle sores.

  • orygoon

    It must suck to see conspiracies everywhere and/or to want to carry a gun all the time because you're afraid of other people. It's hard to see how religion is comforting these poor folks.

    • swordfis

      That's a good point. Imagine what they would be like without it; it would be like taking the hat away from a guy who thinks he's Napoleon.

  • meatlofer

    Well, that's all fine and dandy………..but you know,there is no God!

  • V572 Hogan Gidley

    Happy holidays, Ricks W and S!

  • So we are going to fault the President for trying to mix it up and not say the same three words in the same order all the time? Sheesh, Republicans…. boring much?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    As an old Navy guy, I am good with "Freedom of Warship."

  • iburl

    That Rick Warren pick for the inauguration seems like a shittier idea with each passing week.

    • GOPCrusher

      Yeah, but he's going to look like a total asshole when he's up there giving the Invocation at the second Obama inauguration.

  • freakishlywrong

    I remember being appalled when he asked this asshole to give the benediction. Fat lot of good that did for ushering in "bipartisanship", eh? He should have Rev. Wright do it this year and watch the wingnuts shit themselves. Goddamn America!

  • WhatTheHeck

    “Thou shall have no other gods before me” implies there is one cranky, jealous god and other less cranky gods that we are free to worship.
    Why? I’ll never know.

  • HippieEsq


    What is going on today? Nazis, Beck, RICK WARREN for heaven's sake? Is this the Ten Plagues turned back on us?




  • DaRooster

    Rick Warren is the Chuck Plagiarizer Norris of worship.

  • SorosBot

    Obama's War on Religion consists of him not telling all us non-Christians that we should grovel at the feet of our superior Christian betters.

  • qwerty42

    Santorum? Stupid? I'm sure the LA Times didn't mean it that way.

  • Religious charlatans using spurious, purposely misinterpreted or simply made up texts to fool the credulous.

    That has never happened before.

  • CivicHoliday

    Rick Warren has been touched by Jesus. On his naughty bits.

    • jzgplj

      Was it that theme park Jebus that touched him?

  • Redhead

    Eh. The wingnuts have redefined "Freedom of Religion" to mean "freedom for everyone to practice screechy evangelical charismatic crazy Christianity and my freedom from having to ever hear about or be in the same room with someone of another religion, ever" already, and even daring to think differently is an assault on their beliefs. So can we let "freedom of worship" actually MEAN "freedom of worship?"

    • Oblios_Cap

      It's a lot like free will – you've got it, but you had better not try to use it.

  • a_pink_poodle

    We must preserve our freedom of religion in America! Except for Muslims, Buddhists, Hindu's, maybe the Jews when the time is right…

  • James Michael Curley

    Watch it! I resemble that remark. Well not Phish so much. Can anyone tell me why Garcia did such a great riff on the "Sweet Jane" chorus of "Truckin'" but not the others. Did he run out of fingers?

    • GOPCrusher

      Yeah, me too. I usually find that the people who hate on the Dead usually have Nickleback or Coldplay on their iPod.

  • owhatever

    Obama can shut them all up by inviting Tim Tebow to the White House for a game of hoops and Jeebus talk.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Remember, when a black man talks about "worship", he's not talking about Jeebus. It's different when a drug-addled, mentally feeble white man from Texas uses the same phrase. Very different, because the black man… something something hip-hop.

  • Oblios_Cap

    They haven't caught this guy with his dick in some rentboy yet?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      When they do he's going to pull a George Rekers and say that he's not a rent boy. He just hired him to carry his baggage.

  • DesertTed

    Jesus takes one look at these bastards and wishes he stayed dead.

  • ElPinche

    America, be glad I'm not preznit.
    As described in the book of Isaiah 43:18 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." It's time to take religion to the back of barn, and bury it next to tape drives and eight tracks."
    -POTUS Pinche

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I would have said "Take it out behind the barn and give it the 'Old Yeller' treatment." but that's just me. Anyways you have my vote.

      • ElPinche

        Duly noted. My original comment involved a wood chipper but I forgot Rebecca's safe word.

  • Ducksworthy

    OK Rick. Times up. If you have been sexually molested by Rick Warren in his capacity of defiler of the teachings of Jesus, please report that incident (or incidents) here.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    "…freedom to lick my trucknutz."


  • Freedom to be stupid!

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Clearly the founding fathers envisioned giving the Catholic Church a major role in public policy as seen by their public admiration of 17th Century Spain.

  • poorgradstudent

    But…but…I thought Rick Warren as a pastor had a moral obligation to never take sides in politics!

  • LiveToServeYa

    The Flying Spaghetti Monster demands his fair share of the spoils, is all I'm sayin'.

  • Come here a minute

    I wish Rick Warren and his ilk would exercise their freedom to Shut The Fuck UP!

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    So I guess Norman Rockwell hated Jesus. Who knew?

  • Beowoof

    Jesus that fat fuck should follow the FSM, cause I am sure that gut means he has noodlely appendage.

  • succalina

    The Prez partially did it to himself when he let Rick be the invocation speaker at inauguration. Love the Prez, hate the asshole homophobic preacher.

  • Jerri

    That means it’s limiting what the church does to only what happens in the one hour on Sunday morning as worship.

    Franny Glass this guy ain't.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I guess we can take comfort in the fact that there is no way that Warren's over-fattened , over-burdened heart can possibly last more than a couple more years.

  • Oh man, if only someone, somewhere, had had the foresight to warn Obama that Rick Warren was a stone cold asshole, before that whole inauguration thing.

    Wait, what's that? We all did? Huh.

    • Obama r not so stupid as to think Rick Warren was going to be on his re-election committee thanks to one prayer invitation. And since Obama has thoroughly exhausted all attempts at Reaching Out, refusal to Reach Out can never be used against him in front of a smart voter. (Dumb voters are never going to vote for him anyway, and he won without them the first time.)

      • refusal to Reach Out can never be used against him in front of a smart voter

        A counterpoint. "Reaching Out to Republicans" has long ago been redefined as "Giving In to Republicans", more or less from the moment Democrats won the Congress back. And neither Republicans nor the "Pox on both Houses" Villagers are inclined to give up that hobby horse any time soon. Even a modestly informed voter who drinks the Washington Post Opinion Page Kool-Aid a bit too deeply is liable to get that message, says the eternal pessimist.

        • Where does it say any voters are buying Olympia Snowe's line of bullshit?

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Weren't these fuckers supposed to get raptured last year?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Rick is for freedom of religion and against freedom of worship — because religion is the action of religious institutions, and worship is that activity and belief engaged in by believers and adherents of various faiths — thus, freedom of religion implies freedom of churches to do whatever they want, which he absolutely favors, and freedom of worship means individual people can do whatever they want, which runs contrary to ever tenet of his faith. Guess which one, under that interpretation, would be more constitutional.

  • Antispandex

    You know, people who were alot better than me, like Mother Teresa, or even my mom, considered their whole life as a chance to worship…not just "…only what happens in the one hour on Sunday morning as worship." But since Rick and his cronies don't even think women and poor people should be able to vote, I'm sure he doesn't think about things like that.

  • bikerlaureate

    How very peculiar that someone who instructs and mentors people would suggest that worship could even be limited to a particular time or place… as if it's only an adjective describing a scheduled meeting.

  • Wonderthing

    This just in: Obama is still black. Which really pisses a lot of people off. He seems to think he has the "freedom" to be black. Well, he doesn't because he's black. Did I mention that Obama is black?

  • ElPinche

    Rick Warren, christianity's Paula Deen. This 1%er, hyper-eating fat tub of self-righteous lard is America's spiritual leader. And we wonder why God hates us all. Looks like its time for another round of hurricanes and tornadoes across the bible belt.

  • miss_grundy

    Evangelicals are tools. They wouldn't know the New Testament if it hit them in the nose. This jerk is out to make beaucoup bucks from the idiots that attend his "church" and the only way he can do it is by kicking POTUS. He should drop dead.

  • Fluffy_Kitties

    Freedom of Worship = right to yell fire and brimstone in any public forum without getting banned for being off-topic.

  • Negropolis

    Oh, Rick. Feeling a bit overlooked in this new decade? Poor baby.

    Remember, you guys, Rick is one of the "nice" Evangelicals. He'll damn you to hell, but he'll do it with a smile!

  • ttommyunger

    This guy is good. He actually had me fooled until he sucker-punched Barry with his "Debate" fiasco, letting Walnuts see Barry's cards during the game. I would like to kick him in his teeny-tiny hypocritical 'nads, for Jesus.

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