Has former television personality Glenn Beck finally suffered a psychotic break? PROBABLY! He has now built a replica of the Oval Office and will be giving “addresses” from it every week because that is not at all a lunatic thing to do. You guys, we are so excited! What will be the first of Beck’s “Reaganesque” stemwinders? Will Drinky Nooner pen his delicate flourishes? Maybe! Will he go full-Beale? (Yes, he will go full-Beale.) Will he bark at the moon? Of course he will bark at the moon! Let us imagine some of his topics, after the jump!
* What you should tell your children about the blacks.
* Why Obama should not have race-hustled Passover by approvingly citing Tikkun, the Jewish ideal of repairing the world.
* Why Eric Holder should arrest Barack Obama for thinking Jesus had “doubts” in the Garden of Gethsemane.
* Why Eric Holder should arrest himself for letting a James O’Keefian ask for Eric Holder’s ballot.
* Something something something golf. [Politico]
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Gle2n who?
Glen Gary Glen Ross?
"PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN!"
Fake oval offices are for closers!
See, this is why I love this place: no matter how outlandish and bizarre a trope my brain pops out, someone picks it up and runs with it.
It makes me feel less stabby.
You call yourself a gold salesman, you son of a bitch?
Second prize is a set of gold kitchen knives. Third place is you're fired by Mitt Romney.
Glenn Beck. Do you want to see the memos…? He's nuts…He used to call in to Rush every week. When I was with Fox. And we were selling shitty gold coins…He's nuts…did you see how he was living?
Isn't "Glen Beck" a town in New Jersey?
Or is it Glenda?
I heard he told his wife, "stick with me and you'll be farting through silk in the Lincoln bedroom."
Right above the Oval Orifice.
OLIGARHY!
Oh shit. Easter didn't take apparently because when I saw that pic I got all excited and thought maybe he was Kincade-ing – natural causes of course – and now I am a terrible person and this asshole's fine. Thanks. I gotta go punch stuff now. Damn.
I had the same hope. I shall join you in the punchathon now.
Well I'm a bad person too. I was hoping that Glenn Beck was going to be the third member of the right-wing asshole trifecta, first Breitbart, then Thomas Kinkade and then Beck, but no such luck. Damn!
If you build it, they will come…and thus Beck expects to see Reagan emerge from the cornfield to throw him the nucular football.
Needz moar chalkboard conspiracy theory.
DRUDGE SIREN! FEMA Spends YOUR tax dollars creating Internment Camps that replicate Oval Office
!!!
I'm sure his followers, the beckerheads will enjoy every moment of this.
I first read that as "peckerheads." Which works also, too.
It's a play on peckerheads.
Don't play with those, you don't know where those have been, young lady!
Pass the hand sanitizer, Gleem.
BECK: "I keep pushing the red button, but nothing happens. What's wrong with this thing?"
The Staples "Easy" button would have the balls to ignore the Glennmeister?!
I'll bet the Mormons start to be a bit less enthusiastic that he's one of their own.
Not so long as the dues keep coming in. Ten percent of Glenndos is a pretty handsome take for the LDS folk down on Tabernacle square to turn away from. Only if he started taking on the church itself. Then he'd be toast in milliseconds.
You know who else built a replica of the Oval Office?
Aaron Sorkin?
The Soviets?
Romney?
That kind old man in Dubuque with no friends but lots of toothpicks?
They warned him about drinking water straight out of the Mississippi River.
Shonda Rhimes?
West Wing?
The Israelites?
Superman II crew?
Donald Trump?
Alexander Haig?
LEGO?
Rupert Murdoch?
Has former television personality Glenn Beck finally suffered a psychotic break?
Yes. Emphatically yes. In January of 2009, to be exact.
Wasn't he supposed to be dying or going blind a year or so ago?
No, that was just a dream, and then you woke up
All that fapping…poor boy.
You ain't seen nothing yet. If his fellow Mormon gets elected, Beck will dehydrate and run out of socks.
You almost give me a reason to vote Romney.
Yep. He was ‘healed’ when enough gold coins were sold.
A lesson he learned from televangelists. Send money of God will call me to Heaven.
Beck could start selling non-Mormons their own afterlife planets.
Reganesque in tone = read from a script without understanding anything he is saying.
Now I get it. Glenn was that asshole kid whose dad built him a fantastic treehouse, and then invented all of these rules (no girls, you have to take your pants off to come in, etc.) that meant he was the only person who got to enjoy his pantless, lady-less pretend playhouse.
Has he upgraded to a white board? I mean, now that he's not on FOX, no need to pretend to be inclusive…
Finally, a remake of "The West Wing" the 'Baggers can get behind – none of this Bartlet soshulizm nonsense
Walk with me.
Gotta get the fat fuck out of bed first
I'm not the president but I do play an fat unhinged ego-manic that rips off people on web TV.
Probably scaring the neighborhood kids with talk of breaking through to them via their Overton Windows.
Beck is stuck with Overton Windows ME, and damned if he can get anything to work.
It's another one of those Surreality Shows.
But does he have a trolley? You must have a trolley to get to the Neighborhood of Make Believe.
"I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream; that's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor… and surviving. "
The horror…the horror…
It could only be worse if the snail fell into a bowl of salty, mixed nuts.
Please sir, remember where you are! A bowl of lightly-salted poisoned rat dicks.
To the right: What the Hell does Shawna really want? And where is Kortney?
Who is Glenn Beck?
"Something something something golf."
Then he dropped his snow globe of the Twin Towers, and muttered "Rosebud" as it shattered on the floor.
But he was ALONE. So how'd anybody HEAR his last words, huh? HOW?
The NSA provided the transcript.
Was "Rosebud" the name of the chick he killed?
Wasn't that back in the 90's?
He never has denied it.
You'd better hope Beckbama doesn't read that or he'll sign an Executive Order against you you won't soon forget.
Isn't that pic from his botched ass surgery? I can see where they messed up.
"I don't see any method at all, Sir."
~
NEEDZ MOAR TIN FOIL HAT!
Got plenty, needs less.
President Beck's first order of business: Full pardons for everyone who raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.
So, unelected justices legislating from the bench, and unelected lunatics dictating to the elected guy what he should be talking about from a fake oval office. Costa Rica or Belize?
BELIZE LIBEL!
Funny you should mention this…
Belize
Costa Rica
Probably best to pick somewhere with some altitude, for when the oceans rise.
~
Looks like we need to spray for glennbecks again…
Hey Beck: Neil Simon says we're gonna lose Olbermann if you don't hurry up and sign on as Felix!
The Beckster is such a delicious blend of fucking nuts and clinically stupid that his re-created Oval Office will wind up being a rhombus.
QUADRILATERAL LIBEL!
I love Glenn Beck. The fact that there are people who listen and agree with him is absolute proof that there are distinct sub-species of homo sapiens. Listening to him is like watching an anthropology documentary.
I'd take comfort in that only when David Attenborough starts narrating.
I'm holding out for a Hypercube
Remember, this is the man who proved to be too crazy for Fox; of course he's gone full-on psycho now.
Will the "Secretary of the Treasury" or the "Chairman of the Federal Reserve" come in to be treated to an attack on fiat money and an announcement the country is returning to the gold standard? And will President Beck be selling gold to his ever-gullible audience? Do we get to go to war with anyone?
Gingrich gets to use it on Thursdays.
Donald Trump is negotiating for Tuesday.
If someone had told Vladimir Zyworkin and Philo T Farnsworth that someday their inventions would be used by a drugged-out loser to recline on his bed and describe what he's feeling after hemmoroid surgery, and that thoze billions of pixels would go flashing around the world at light-speed and make blood drip from our eyeballs, they would not have invented TV.
Marconi would have smashed the radio as well. Actually I think Glenn's performance on "Ow! My Ass!" was the crowning glory of his career. He hasn't come up with anything reality based before or since.
I'll bet he rapes and murders a young girl in there.
"Will he bark at the moon?"
Wasn't "Bark At the Moon" the subtitle of Michael Bay's latest travesty of a Transformers film?
Bark? I thought the moon was covered in tasty cheese.
He built it so he can have a BJ from Phyllis Schlafly.
When the old dear pops out the dentures I bet she'll rock Glenn's world…
If I was making up the list of “things I wish the President would say”, announcing the opening of the FEMA death camps would be high on my list.
OK, for some reason, I have a copy of The Overton Window right here. I know, I'm not sure how it happened either. Anyway, here's some fun stuff. A woman crawls into the protagonist's bed, making the man promise that nothing of a "sexy" nature would occur. And the man says, "I've got some rules, too, and rule number one is, don't tease the panther."
The panther? I thought he called it "little Glenn."
Close the Window you're letting in a Daft.
Meanwhile…this will never get built. How screwed up is this world?
http://trekmovie.com/2012/04/07/find-out-how-las-…
I hope he forgets to install the exit door.
And please Morning Doucheborough, show us someone "on the left" that ever did crazy ass shit like this. Anyone?
On the bright side, the 'links' box is half empty, so there's that.
I suggest the box be filled with the gif that TBogg posted the other day.
http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2012/04/06/friday-th…
As a public service over at The Atlantic, Max Fisher presents "What Parents Tell Their Children About John Derbyshire"
Edit: The comments are a prime example of why unmoderated comment sections are a Bad Idea.
And shockingly I STILL refuse to add his GBTV channel on my Roku. What's wrong with me?
I'm waiting for the Deathwatch announcement. Then I plan on streaming him 24/7.
You want to retain you sanity?
Joe Gillis: You're Glenda Beck. You used to be on cable newz. You used to be big.
Glenda Beck: I *am* big. It's the *cable newz* that got small.
Please, someone, get this nut to the Repub Convention — would love to see him take Utah's delegates away from fellow Mormon the Rombot. Maybe they can helicopter his Oval Office Playset to the Buccaneers stadium
A photo of Glenn Beck in a replica Oval Office = the new goatse
It will be accurate down to the smallest detail, except instead of a Kremlin hotline it will have a direct connection to Goldline. And intstead of no marble bust of Curchill it will have a Woodrow Wilson bedpan. And instead of a locus of near-incomprehensible power and influence, it will be the wingnut conman equivalent of a creepily realistic train set.
Some subtle differences between the real Oval Office and the Glenn Beck Oval Office.
- The Red phone does not connect directly to the Kremlin, but to Papa John's.
- The Nuclear Football is just a Tim Tebow football.
- Instead of receiving heads of state, the people in GBOO are likely to receive head lice.
The big question: Will Anne Coulter, Michelle Malkin, or Pam Geller get the coveted "Mrs. Landingham" role?
I simply don't care to participate in any of Glenn Beck's role-play fantasies, tyvm.
A 15 minute Beck presidency scares me more than 15 minutes with George Zimmerman in a hoodie store.
Sure, he can declare war on liberals or Iran from his replica of the Oval Office, but without a replica Pentagon, how's he gonna carry it out.
When he says his speeches will be "Reaganesque", I assume he will also be dead.
Is this when the Repubicans issue a fatwah against Beck for portraying the Prophet Reagan?
It would have been more appropriate if he had built himself a replica of the Reichskanzlerei.
He certainly is partially similar to the (fictional? maybe not) character Howard Beale — he is as mad as hell. However, WE are the ones that are not going to take it any more.
Dude, that Derbyshire article is AMAZING. I mean, I've read his stuff for a long time, and there is always always racial animus involved, but this stuff is just straight up crotchety-old-racist-on-the-front-porch style. There's a certain portion of the winger population that's eventually just going to snap and state for the record that they hate the blacks, and it would not surprise me at all if Derbyshire was one of them.
After that he will build a choo-choo train to take him all across this fruited land, so he can make speeches from the caboose. "MRYCLIS URALCWT," he will shout to the crowd of two curious kids. "REPYTBLS FTTSSPIT GOLDLINE." Soon or later, someone will throw a net over him.
He is Ozymandias, King of Kings.
Wait 'til Duh Gov'Nuh hears someone else is claiming to be President of the US of A!
Look out! You betcha!
You just know she is going to be the first guest speaker from the Glenn Beck Oval Office.
I just wonder how they will get the stains out of the chair when she is done.
What he doesn't know is the replica is a quarter scale.
He's just a synapse misfire away from an all-consuming, obsessive worry about the contamination of his precious bodily fluids. Once he's busy with that, his nosedive into irrelevance will be complete and we'll never need to hear about him again. (Huzzah!)
Does he still wear that East German-ish looking uniform when home by himself or did he give it to the doorman?
Where in the blueprints does it say 'make it big enough to see on the radio, stupid!'?
I'm waiting for Glenn Beck's replica of the Oval Office to turn out to be like Spinal Tap's replica of Stonehenge.
can't wait to hear his show on poop deck
A Country as large as ours has enough full-blown nut cases within its populace to support this turd in style for the rest of his life, sadly. Remember Jim Bakker? That dickwad is still on the toob, soaking the rubes, living in style…..Fucking amazing!
First prize is one of Ann Romney's Cadillacs.
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