SLEEPS WITH THE FISHES  11:47 am April 7, 2012

The Time ‘World’s Most Collected Painter’ Thomas Kinkade, Who Is Dead Now, Lied To Us About The NEA

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hoopy Easter!The year: 2004. The place: Grand Central Art Center in Santa Ana, California. The occasion: the “private” opening for an ironic showing of Thomas Kinkade’s Christian-fished, trademark-marked work with select important people (at the time, your editrix was an art critic and thusly very important) and 300 or so of Thomas Kinkade’s closest fans, who had a nice group prayer. That’s when yours truly saw a bunch of people on the Grand Central board discreetly gathering in an artist’s studio to be addressed by the Master himself, and so decided to crash the party. As everyone stood around, smiling and nodding politely, an old man who was dean of Cal State Fullerton’s art department beamed and thanked Kinkade for showing artists how to be financially self-sufficient. Then he spoke joyously of a gal who had found a niche as a Painter of Fish™. It seems when a sports fisherman catches a really wonderful bass and wants to commemorate it, he calls this gal! And she’s making a living! Painting fish! The smiles got tighter, and Kinkade took over. He thanked the board for the lovely installation of his work—it’s the first time he’s been shown at a respectable institution—and approvingly mentioned the exhibit’s “subtle irony” so we’d know that he knew that we knew and that it wasn’t like he didn’t know.

But then, having inculcated in us a shred of grudging respect and having used terms like hyperromanticity so we’d remember he went to ArtCenter, he started in with the Bushian straw men. And those straw men went a little something like this: “Tax dollars, tax dollars, death art, tax dollars, rotting flesh and tax dollars.” But everyone knows Damien Hirst is British; he gets tax pounds.

We smiled and nodded, but finally someone on the board grew some big full balls and, smilingly, asked Kinkade, “When you say ‘tax dollars,’ what exactly do you mean?” “Well, the NEA,” grumped Kinkade, who actually had a very smug and loveless face for a Jesus freak (Jesus freaks are supposed to beam with the Light™ of the Lord), and then it was my turn to have a sac full of swimmers, as I (smilingly) reminded him that the NEA hasn’t granted individual artists since, well, Jesse Helms. Kinkade didn’t have much to say to that, because he had been caught in a stupid rightwing talking point lie. Ha, ha! I WON!

And now Thomas Kinkade is dead, the End. [LATimes]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 589 comments }

Barb April 7, 2012 at 11:51 am

Is it true that Kinkade would hide an "N" in every painting in a tribute to his wife?

Chichikovovich April 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Was she blah?

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

You're thinking of the wornderful illustrator Al Hirschfeld (lived to 100!), who would hide "Nina" in drawings as a tribute to his daughter, and often, a number to indicate how *many* times "Nina" occurred in a particular drawing. The drawings themselves were awesome, but hunting for the Nina Easter eggs always made them more fun.

Barb April 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Just Googled it and Kinkade did it as a tribute to his wife, Nanette. Jeff mentioned it to me and I was hoping Rebecca would confirm.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm

So, Kinkade did something that another artist thought of and did first?

GASP!!!

Barb April 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Yes, but he never hid a winning mega millions lottery ticket in a McDonald's.

Isyaignert April 7, 2012 at 6:56 pm

He also embedded 214 in his paintings as a tribute to their wedding day (Valentine's Day).

Abbystinence April 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Who would want to look that closely at his paintings?

McDonnellville April 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

That's probably for the better. You might get blinded by the light that just radiates from the canvas.

Lascauxcaveman April 8, 2012 at 12:14 am

Y'know, it's a fine thing that he loved his wife. Even enough to rip off a another artist. So anyway, now he's dead.

He's still a fucking hack.

Infrogmation April 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Yeahbut, America's Most Successful Fucking Hack.

Steverino247 April 7, 2012 at 11:54 am

A relative has one of his paintings on a living room wall. I immediately noticed that the light and shadows were wrong.You could tell where the light in the scene was coming from, but the shadows were in the wrong direction from the light source. His "work" would be better placed on plates used to serve children food than on a wall someplace.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

One of my relatives, who I don't really get along with because she's a very angry person, is always nasty to me, so I sort of avoid her if I can. Last year, visiting her new and completely renovated and redecorated house, what did I see but a GINORMOUS Kincaide painting in the dining room where you couldn't possibly NOT see it from anywhere in the room.
Strangely, I went from disliking her to feeling sorry for her [melodramatic]: "I didn't know, Man. I just… didn't… KNOW."

Blueb4sunrise April 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

It's a MIRACLE!!!!!!!

Biff April 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Are you saying he's gonna rise again? Please say no!

flamingpdog April 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Sounds like he's never gonna rise again, unless they just happen to position his body in such a way as to make the blood all drain to that one spot.

Chichikovovich April 7, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Inchhigh April 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

"His 'work' would be better placed on plates used to serve children food than on a wall someplace."

Oh, Steverino! You have solved the childhood obesity problem!

CivicHoliday April 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Indeed. The punishment for finishing your entire plate is having to see that crap!

flamingpdog April 7, 2012 at 5:09 pm

And even if they do finish, it'll just come back up on them.

The_Lucky_Wife April 7, 2012 at 11:56 am

I thought real artists were supposed to starve because they couldn't sell their paintings and show real concern for their fellow men living in poverty. You know, like Van Gogh, who suffered from insanity as well as poverty.

Blueb4sunrise April 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Toomush_Infer April 7, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Yeah, I've got that going for me…..

Schmannnity April 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

Two dead right wing icons in the last month. You know what they call that?

Barb April 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

A good start?

AbandonHope April 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm

This is the absolute first thing that came to my mind upon reading that, and lo and behold, you are there with the first comment expressing my thoughts.

Barb April 7, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Good to see you, Abandon.

The_Lucky_Wife April 7, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I call it "Satan is calling his spawn home."

Biel_ze_Bubba April 8, 2012 at 2:19 am

We need his stuff to decorate certain of our, umm, facilities.

OkieDokieDog April 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I was wondering if Obama had Kinkade snuffed too, cause, you know, Muslins hate the Jeebus people.

The_Lucky_Wife April 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Look for Quitter Palin to "write" a FB post accusing POTUS of that very thing…

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

^
Every single comment in this thread is so full of win!
*sniffle*
I love you guys!
*wipes away a single tear*

__kth__ April 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Cocaine mixed with Viagra?

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Spanking for Jesus?
No?
Shouldn't there be something called "Spanking for Jesus", though?

MilwaukeeKent April 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Well, there's Betty Page, but the spanking came first, then the Jesus. Found Jesus and quit spanking.

Puffperney April 7, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Sad too. The loss of the perfect cheesecake/nude artist of all time to religion. I will never forgive organized religion for that crime against art and humanity.

Biff April 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Art theft of the century.

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Naughty, Naughty Zoot!

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm

I saw what you did there.

Dudleydidwrong April 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Karma?

bagofmice April 7, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Mourning in America?

glamourdammerung April 7, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Dirt pollution?

metamarcisf April 7, 2012 at 3:34 pm

The Aristocrats?

Indiepalin April 7, 2012 at 3:36 pm

The Aristocats?

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 7:59 pm

You've probably answered this before, but how do you get negative pee points? Do you comments somewhere with Intense Debate downfists?

sullivanst April 9, 2012 at 9:33 am

A quick click on Indie's name confirms the usual suspect: hangin' out with Ghost Andrew Breitbart and attempting to point out his transparency has been responsible for all the negative pness I've seen in my brief time here.

Radio福井県 April 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Good things come in threes?

deanbooth April 7, 2012 at 6:48 pm

The Aristocrats?

charliearglist April 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Who was the other one? Buckley's sister?

Swampgas_Man April 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I'd call it "Not enough," but that's probably a violation of the New Civility.

flamingpdog April 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I dunno, but they do say good things happen in threes (Thanks, Radio). Who else is gonna die to complete the trifecta?

Any one know if Spanky2B is still alive?

Biff April 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

He is now Spanky3B.

chascates April 7, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Hope and change?

carlgt1 April 7, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Terrorism?

So maybe Kinkade & Breitbart's actual personal hell is Kinkade painting Breitbart throughout eternity?

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Hitler?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 7, 2012 at 11:02 pm

ALL OF THEM, KATIE.

(somehow I felt it needed to be put in this thread.)

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 12:25 am

A Palin's dozen?

starfanglednut April 8, 2012 at 5:21 pm

That would be ten. She's only got ten fingers.

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Forgive me; I meant a Perry's dozen, 'cause that idiot can only count to two.

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 9:14 am

Palin can count all the way up to four, but she never gets past two, because she always quits halfway through.

Clankie April 7, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Great, now his works will appreciate in value one hundredfold. What is 100 times nothing?
Where's your God now, Thomas Kinkade?
He painted himself into a corner, and now he has painted himself into the light.
This is simultaneously the best and worst moment ever for the Hallmark Corporation.
I'll be here all night, unlike the poor (and somehow more conservative) man's Norman Rockwell.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I think Norman Rockwell gets an undeserved rep for being conservative because those are the paintings that got famous (that damn Thanksgiving picture probably sent 1000 therapists' kids to Harvard!).

While I don't know what he, personally, believed; all of his work wasn't cutesy in that Disneyfied, world-that-never-existed, way. If you look at some of his less famous pictures like "The Golden Rule", or "Moving In", or "The Problem we all LIve with" ( a painting of a small black girl walking to a newly integrated school accompanied by an escort of U.S. Marshals), you can see that he was a decent, compassionate man, who could have stuck with the cutesey, money-printing stuff, but who chose to tackle some of the important issues that were controversial in their day.

For those who might be interested: http://www.artscope.net/VAREVIEWS/NRockwell.shtml

V572 Hogan Gidley April 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

The difference between genuinely naive artists like Rockwell and cynical hacks like Kinkade is that Rockwell had empathy for others. Hard to believe it now but that picture was very controversial.

Lascauxcaveman April 8, 2012 at 1:16 am

Much of his painting was naive, but he wasn't. He did this one with civil right workers getting murdered in the 1960s.

Maybe he didn't do too much stuff like this, because the profit margin was kinda low on this type of thing.

V572 Hogan Gidley April 8, 2012 at 9:49 am

Wow, didn’t remember that one. (Like many, many American families, mine got the Saturday Evening Post every week, which more often than not had a Rockwell on the cover.)

JustPixelz April 7, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Rockwell idealized America as perfected even as he enjoyed pointing out our little foibles (like in "Triple Self-Portrait"). Even "The Problem We All Life With" can be seen as illustration the problem being solved, rather than the problem (segregation in particular) itself. Even the title is a little suspect: Is the problem school desegregation or the racism shown on the wall or jackbooted government thugs. (OK, I'm quibbling.)

At least Rockwell put actual human beings in his paintings. Kinkade wanted "the light" to be the central and only element of life in his work. Not the people who lit that welcoming light. (OK, I don't like him.)

Anyway, THANK YOU Tessiee for your comments and the link.

Dr. Nick Riviera April 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I think his most "progressive" painting would be "Southern Justice". IMHO.

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I suspect (as a long term wanna be artist) that the ambiguity is intentional.

Dr. Nick Riviera April 7, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about here so feel free to tell me to "cram it with walnuts, ugly", but I thought the thanksgiving picture was a work done in response to Roosevelt's speech and represented "Freedom from Want". Sounds kinda socialist if you ask me…

He might have been a conservative, I have absolutely no idea, but I never really got that vibe. Please correct me if Im wrong. Im an art idiot.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 8, 2012 at 2:28 am

Those were the days when being conservative and being decent went together pretty well.

raresteaksandoilpainting April 7, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Late reply, I know, my point wasn't particularly about Norman Rockwell's personal political beliefs, but rather of the political beliefs of the average household in which one will normally find some Norman Rockwell paintings. That Thomas Kinkade is the artist for people for whom Norman Rockwell can be a little too daring.

Fare la Volpe April 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Rockwell was very socially liberal, and butted heads with the Saturday Evening Post for decades over his desire to make political statements and their desire to suppress him. His thanksgiving portrait ("Freedom from Want") was part of his Four Freedoms series, which also included Freedom of Religion, Freedom of Speech, and Freedom from Fear, all of which were meant to loudly demonstrate his support for Roosevelt's New Deal.

"The Problem We All Live With" is one of his most controversial paintings because it was a portrait of Ruby Bridges, a little black girl in New Orleans who was walked to school for years by US Federal marshalls because every day a crowd would gather outside the school and try to lynch her (not even kidding; a 6-year-old girl would regularly receive death threats. Every teacher in the school refused to teach her, so she was forced to have lessons by herself with a teacher they bused in from another district. The threats against her were so severe that marshalls forbade her from ever eating school food because of a credible threat that someone was trying to poison her). Rockwell could not believe how monstrous this story was, and that such an affront to human dignity was allowed to go on in his homeland.

Rockwell also made "Southern Justice," the theme of which is the lynching of a black man. Both of these paintings were ground-breaking enough in the fact that they featured black people as their protagonists; hell, the Post had never allowed him to feature blacks as anything more than crowd members or servants for the almost four decades he worked for them. Rockwell insisted that his later work be overtly political so that no one would associate him with his kitschy Post work.

So please don't think less of Rockwell because the Precious Moments crowd idolizes his cutesy commercial work. None of them understand that most of his work was ironic, or was explicitly anti-war (look at his "Soldier Returning Home"). It's like Republicans who love Springteen's "Born in the USA" without realizing that the song is a razor-sharp attack on Republican war-mongering and outsourcing.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Appalling story. Sometimes I'm truly ashamed to be an American — no — I'm ashamed to be in the same country where some people are like that and others allow it to happen.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 12:20 am

Thanks for that.

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 12:40 am

That was needed just to set the record straight. I was second guessing myself when I kread the comment, because I just knew the guy had a progressive mindset for the time.

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 1:03 am

Excellent. Do you write for a living? You could, I suppose.

ETA: The part about the 6yr old in Louisiana needing full-time body guard detail for years is… something I wouldn't believe if I saw it in movie (too disgusting, too over-the-top), except that I know it's true.

That there are certain peoples who want to repeal those protections is something I don't understand, but also reminds me of how conservatives say "there was a time an place" for unions — but now they're unnecessary.

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 7:47 am

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7373488n

President Obama meets with Ruby Bridges as he rotates The Problem We All Live With through the White House art collection.

raresteaksandoilpainting April 8, 2012 at 8:28 am

So, since I apparently can't edit my original post, what I am saying in that post is not that Norman Rockwell was, himself, politically conservative. The point I was making was that Thomas Kincade is more artistically conservative than Norman Rockwell. In the sense that a burkha is more conservative than an ankle length dress. While Rockwell frequently painted an idyllic portrait of American life; Kincade painted things that looked like the greeting cards I send my devoutly Christian grandmother. I never intended that to be a dig on Norman Rockwell, plenty of Rockwell's works have both social and artistic merit, it is just that stylistically he was fairly conservative. While there is perhaps something vaguely soothing in the works of Thomas Kincade (like a visual laxative) there is just absolutely nothing of merit in there at all. Kincade's work is all about how the White Jesus Light God (Ra?) shines on cabins and little churches and tiny schoolhouses and all the things racist-ass white people think life was all about back before the civil war. Fuck Thomas Kincade, and I'm glad he died reasonably early, of, I presume, auto-erotic asphyxiation.

HippieEsq April 8, 2012 at 4:09 pm

This whole discussion makes we want to burn a Kincade in protest. Not sure it will fit into my vaporizer, though.

Clankie April 9, 2012 at 9:06 am

yeah, plus I do not think you want to get high off those fumes. A Dali or Picasso repro maybe, but a Kincade? That's probably like PCP if it had dispositioned its users to violence and shopping at Walmart with equal zeal.

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 7:37 am

And "Russian Schoolroom" is pretty awesome.

Poor guy gets a bad rep because pretentious art critics (no offense, Rebecca) didn't consider commercial art to be "real" art. Even the wikipedia article refers to him as "American Illustrator Norman Rockwell", (an originally derisive term that he embraced as a way of sticking it to his detractors), and even the wikipedia writer fails to delineate the boundary between "illustration" and "art". The Problem We All Live With, The Four Freedoms, Southern Justice and Russian Schoolroom are fairly clear indications that he was an "artist", (whatever that word means) and a rather effective one.

Yes, we are passionate defenders of Norman Rockwell.

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 9:26 am

"Even the wikipedia article refers to him as "American Illustrator Norman Rockwell", (an originally derisive term that he embraced as a way of sticking it to his detractors)"

Every person in every Fine Arts class I've ever taken uses [sneer] "ILLUSTRATOR" as the second-worst insult in existence; the worst, of course, being [Sideshow Bob shudder] "CRAFTS".

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 9:31 am

According to the Wiki article, "Russian Schoolroom" was stolen from
"a small art gallery in Clayton, Missouri, in June 1973. In 1988 it turned up and was sold at an auction in New Orleans for about $70,000. Steven Spielberg bought the painting from Judy Goffman Cutler, a noted art dealer who specialized in American illustrators, in 1989 for $200,000. A member of his staff spotted the painting on a FBI web listing of stolen works of art and the authorities were immediately notified.[2]
As of 2009 the painting was in the custody of the U.S. District Court in Las Vegas.[3] The court decided in 2010 that the painting belonged to art dealer Judy Goffman Cutler who has added it to the collection on display at the National Museum of American Illustration.[4]"

It seems fitting that Steven Speilberg should buy a Norman Rockwell painting, but I'm glad that it's in a museum where everybody can have access to it, because I'm a big socialist.

fishskicanoe April 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Spring cleaning?

OC_Surf_Serf April 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

He's just another tragic victim of not winning our latest picture contest…

BTWBFDIMHO April 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

He didn't make it among the top ten, like me.

OkieDokieDog April 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Ugh. You couldn't pay me to carry a piece of that crap "art" home. I stick it in the same category as Precious Memories "collectibles", as in: it is crap.

Barb April 7, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Precious Memories collectibles come from the Franklin Mint because that's what you'd need to get the shitty taste out of your mouth after they arrive.

Karma_Suture April 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I had the dubious pleasure of visiting the precious moments shrine down in Missouri or Arkansas …. somewhere. It was creepy. All of those sightless children scattered about the lawn. The artist was just as creepy.

bagofmice April 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

You should check out painteroflight.com
Brandon Bird hijacked it and used it to sell cultural mashups in the Kinkade style.

Works of art like Micheal Landon holding a dying squid: http://brandonbird.com/anguish.html
Or, the Noam Chomsky Mystery Machine: http://brandonbird.com/signifier_signified.html

You also get Bea Arthur wrestling a velociraptor.

emmelemm April 7, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Um, that guy's fucking amazing. I might order one of his paint-by-number sets!!!

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Precious Memories? Is that like those "Love Is…" sexless, horrid, hellbeasts?

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 9:50 pm

"It's a cartoon about two naked eight-year-olds who are married." — Homer J. Simpson

Texan_Bulldog April 7, 2012 at 7:21 pm

My mother-in-law collected those stupid David Winter cottages (and when she passed away, got bequeathed to me…ugh). But whenever I see them–tucked in a cardboard box on a closet shelf–I think of Kinkade's paintings & hate them even more.

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Maybe she left them to you in hopes you'd take life a little less seriously. The world can be a playful place . . . for the delusional.

HippieEsq April 8, 2012 at 6:07 pm

No matter how bad Kincade and Precious Memories may be, nothing tops (bottoms?) the guy who makes the "jesus is behind you" figurines.

In honor of Opening Week in baseball I offer this fine example:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_KsROmkzxqyc/SdolMNmQpBI….

Pragmatist2 April 7, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Darn. I was hoping to have hum paint my house to look like one of those snow-covered cottages. Now I'll have to wait for winter.

DocChaos April 7, 2012 at 12:12 pm

The man made millions selling prints of quasi-religious paintings to the rubes that Motel 6 would be embarrassed to hang on their walls. On some level one has to admire his ability to separate fools from their money, though I'd respect him more if I thought he had the same contempt for his fans that he obviously had for art itself – you know, like Jeff Koons.

OC_Surf_Serf April 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Kinkade: Even Motel 6 wouldn't leave a Light™ on for him.

finallyhappy April 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

married to a porn star and created a giant balloon dog- and that is why I love Jeff Koons

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

He really took his franchisees for a ride too. He had the whole sales chain paying up wazoo. He was brilliant at that. Also totally amoral, at best.

Chichikovovich April 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Hooking the cash-milking machine to stables full of the dumb and tasteless (in cages so tight that they can't turn around! Tormented in cruel experiments!) is, in general, a very bad thing. I'm not going to argue about that.

But I want to carve out an exception in this case. If Kinkaide hadn't existed, every last penny that was spent on his dreck would have gone instead to the American Family Foundation and the Santorum campaign. The man was, unsuspectingly an American hero.

MarieDeGournay April 7, 2012 at 12:16 pm

In a window in 'downtown' Port Jefferson Station, NY, there is a Kinkade painting of Mickey and friends marching down Main St. in Disney World. I contend that that image is part of the reason I needed to go back on antidepressants.

OhNoGuy April 8, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Robert Stone – "Mickey Mouse will see you dead." (And I think that is an accurate quote (too lazy to get up and look through the book.) )

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I don't care what anybody says; I like the happy little trees.

commiegirl April 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm
nounverb911 April 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Are they the right height?

trampndirtdown April 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Bob Ross was the boss in Boondocks. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dhn_TAbvSH8

jjdaddyo April 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm

If only Jeebus would call this painter home: http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2012-01-28/132770651

NYNYNYjr April 7, 2012 at 3:44 pm

This man has many many more laughs to give me and the world. He is a pure joy.

Fare la Volpe April 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm

God that infuriates me. What would that jelly-bean-brain Reagan know about the fucking Constitution? I guess that Congressional hearing into the Iran-Contra scandal was just to congratulate him for doing such a bang-up job.

MaxUdargo April 7, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I've realized that, like Jesus, Christian conservatives always talk in parables. You're confused and angry because you think the Constitution in the painting literally represents the founding document. Actually, like the Founding Fathers, the Constitution represents "America the way it was and should be."

And the message of the painting is simply, "Mr. Negro, how can you stand there being president of the United States when it makes white men so sad? Don't you know what you're doing to him?"

So, you see, it has nothing to do with the law or the Iran-Contra crisis. Reagan was a Constitutional hero because he believed in America the way it was and should be.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm

OK, I would now vote for Obama if for no other reason than to distress the reactionary asshat who painted this (McNaughton?).

With that settled:
1. Who's the depressed-looking guy sitting on the park bench, and why is he depressed?
2. What did the white-wigged guy in the knee breeches catch, and why is it invisible?
3. What is everybody in the picture looking at, slightly outside of the right-hand margin?

freddymcmurray April 8, 2012 at 1:07 am

1. Santorum. You need to ask why?

2. invisible poo. from barack the magic negro (it's magic poo, you see). he's shitting on the constitution, remember.

3. they're looking at the commies that will soon be marching into frame. you can tell, because all of the mean and nasties are to barack's left, and the rest (the majority, i might add, including Trick Dick) are to Barack's right. You know, rightwing and "right". somehow JFK and Johnson got painted to the right of Barack (for starting Vietnam?), while Teddy got the left (protecting wildlife?).

DemmeFatale April 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Teddy Roosevelt Libel!!!

bagofmice April 8, 2012 at 7:14 am

That is a lotta pissed off white guys.

sharethegrief April 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Painting by Numbers will eventually kill you.

Inchhigh April 7, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I see what you did there

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Painting by Deuteronomy is even riskier.

Designer_Rants April 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm

OT, but remember a couple weeks ago, in response to Trayvon, how we were hearing about "The Talk"? Well, then this guy from National Review wrote a super-racist "white version" that he says to his kids. Now the blowback.

The_Lucky_Wife April 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

My father says that the roots of racism are hate and the fear that "The Other" is really superior to "Us".

RW reactions to the Trayvon Martin murder has proven to me the truth of his statement.

Designer_Rants April 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I can agree with that. I also think there's a residual primal fear that other tribes will be superior to us ("us" being my own mixture of Eastern European muttery) at using up our resources; food, shelter, women (fer-baby-makins/gene expression), etc.

*Now I will put on my reading glasses and sound even more pretentious*, and so, I suppose wingnuts can't turn off that fear by rationalizing with themselves that the blah tribe isn't going to eat up all their food and knock up all their women. But instead they try to pass laws to make women be subservient to men, and marginalize the blah and brown tribes' powers in any way possible (voter registration is a recent example).

I'm not a sociologist or anything, so realize that's all just my opinion.

Swampgas_Man April 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Refreshing to see the racists outting themselves in the comments over there. That's why I generally stick to sites like Wonkette and AVClub.com , where I can read the comments without weeping or raising my blood pressure.

Designer_Rants April 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Agreed. And I shouldn't have posted comments on the Daily Caller a couple days ago. My email filled up with comments…. I guess I have to do something like that every 6 months or so, to remind me why I shouldn't.

OkieDokieDog April 7, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Is the artwork of Thomas Kinkade featured in a gallery near you? Show us where and we might air your photo on tonight's show! – from the ABC World News twitter

So watch! Or not.

commiegirl April 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

One of you guys should probably teach me how to embed links in comments.

BarackMyWorld April 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

We use HTML code.

{a href="http://www.bullshit.gov"}bullshit link {/a}

but replace { with < and } with >.

commiegirl April 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Mighty white of you, Barack. Thanks!

Guppy April 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

When in doubt, Ctrl+U

natoslug April 8, 2012 at 2:56 pm

YOU DONT CONTROL ME!!!!11!!!!ONE!!!!!

Fare la Volpe April 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm

http://www.bullshit.gov

Ahh, Boehner's personal site.

Blueb4sunrise April 7, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Chichikovovich April 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Oooh! Oooh! Teacher, ask me, ask me!

[Not that Dewey taught me how to do it on the Ann Romney spanks that rascal Mitt thread]

I assume (since, really, what else could it be) you want to provide a link to the results of this weekend's world curling championship semifinals and finals.

Here's how you do it (though there's no need because I've done it already):

[less than sign] a href="URL YOU WANT TO LINK TO"[greater than] TEXT YOU WANT – In this case: "this weekend's world curling championship semifinals and finals."[less than] /a [greater than]

Sharkey April 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I don't talk to stupid people.

bagofmice April 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

painteroflight

Left angle bracket to start an element definition, 'a' to specify an anchor element, href is an attribute to the element to direct where the anchor should land, and then a right angle bracket to close the element definition, then the text that you are marking up, and the a closing element definition to ensure the next bit of text is unaffected.

w3schools.com as mentioned earlier.

bagofmice April 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Just think of html as a specialized form of glossing or highlighting. Once you grok that, the rest falls into line.

GeneralLerong April 7, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Fuck HTML. I had to have the a href gobbledeygook tattooed on my forearm. And I are smart.

rickmaci April 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Jeez. Talk about totally sucking up to the teach.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 12:25 am

Good luck, commiegirl. I've followed these directions to a T and it doesn't work for me. What I typed just appears as what I typed.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 8, 2012 at 3:24 am

just paste the link into your post, submit it, and go back and edit it. Intense debate takes care of the formalities, you just type what you want between > and <

bagofmice April 8, 2012 at 8:11 am
OC_Surf_Serf April 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm

To paraphrase Picasso: I know a lot about Art and I don't know what I like…but that Kinkade stuff is pure crap.

BarackMyWorld April 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm
tessiee April 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm

You guys! You guys!!

Does anybody remember a kids' TV show called "Learn to Draw"?
This artist would take whatever you wanted to draw — a house, a tree, a dog, a cat, etc. — and show you how to draw it, step by step, with squares, circles, and triangles.
Since I loved to draw and got really frustrated when my pictures didn't look right to me and I couldn't figure out why not, I loved that show. I forced my mother to buy me the OFFICIAL LEARN TO DRAW SKETCH PAD and had it ready whenever the show came on. It was so awesome.
Actually, I sorta wish they still aired it.

Barrelhse April 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Jon Gnagy? I still have some pencils.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Yup, Jon Gnagy.
I must have been very small, because I was still teaching myself to read by sounding out words, but I couldn't figure out how to sound out "Gnagy" (it's pronounced "nagy", btw).

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 12:28 am

Me, too! Me, too!! I had the sketchpad. His hipster beard and plaid shirt would be a totally acceptable look even today.

Geminisunmars April 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

So — did you learn to draw?

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I learned to draw (well enough to win third place in a statewide student art show in my sophomore year of high school), I learned to read (even words that I couldn't sound out) — and I eventually bought a car from Jon Gnagy's grandson.

Geminisunmars April 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm

So, full circle: Life and drawing.

deanbooth April 7, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Yup, I got his boxed set of supplies. Great stuff.

James Michael Curley April 8, 2012 at 10:45 am

Jon Gnagy
By his daughter.

sbj1964 April 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I may not know Art,but I know his brother Randy?

Geminisunmars April 7, 2012 at 3:12 pm

And his other brother, Brandy?

ttommyunger April 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

But all the trees are definitely not the right height. On the other hand, Thomas Kinkade is dead, so he's got that going for him, which is nice.

OhNoGuy April 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm

You're sick! Thanks.

ttommyunger April 9, 2012 at 8:47 pm

No, THANK YOU!

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 12:39 pm

So I clicked on the link, and I have to say:
There are four groups of people who can rock badly dyed jet-black hair:
1. Elvis
2. Alan Rickman
3. Keef Richards
4. Frenchwomen of a certain age who live in Paris.

You will note that shitty painters fall into none of these groups.

ratcityrebel April 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

He didn't even Just For Men his goatee. If you have a mop of oil-slicked Shemp hair atop your kopf and salt-and-pepper face pubes, you are not fooling anyone.

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I don't care what the bloody topic is. I just like your list.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 12:30 am

All faves of mine, too. Alan Rickman … (sigh).

James Michael Curley April 8, 2012 at 10:52 am

Finally saw "Galaxy Quest" a movie from the late 1990's which had one of my great fantasies; Sigourny Weaver as "Space Bimbo" Having not seen it before I did not know Alan Rickman was in it. He was rocking the Professor Snape character well back then.

trampndirtdown April 8, 2012 at 1:25 pm

By the hammer of Gravtar.

mrbubb April 9, 2012 at 1:22 am

It's "Sigourney." If you're hot for her, you could at least spell her name right.

YasserArraFeck April 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I'll watch Alan Rickman in anything – he's the greatest:
"Dogma"
"Truly Madly Deeply"
Even such dogs as "Robin Hood" and "Michael Collins" were worth enduring

DemmeFatale April 9, 2012 at 7:31 pm

He was hilarious in Robin Hood. It was as if he was in a different movie, ( the movie that SHOULD have been made).

Texan_Bulldog April 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Neither does Darrell Issa or Mittens Romney.

FraAnima April 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Put enough Jeebus and/or porn in your "art" and sure as hell somebody will buy it. That should be in all MFA curriculum.

Preferred Customer April 8, 2012 at 6:22 pm

That's the editorial approach that Newsweek uses.

Serolf_Divad April 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I'm sorry, but I would sooner place a "Dog's Playing Poker" on every wall of my house, than a single Kinkaid over the fireplace.

johnnyzhivago April 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

You could mix it up with a Dog's Playing Poker on one wall, and Cats At the Last Supper on the other.
http://slog.thestranger.com/files/2007/09/Cats_La

Puffperney April 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

…and Dog's shooting pool; I like that one. http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/blackunigrypho

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I'm partial to the people playing musical instruments with wild and crazy hair.\
http://www.fashionsoccercenter.com/images/childre

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Hah…if humans were descended from cats rather than apes, there would be no such thing as Christianity. Can you imagine that many cats sitting near a fish and not losing their shit?

ManchuCandidate April 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

A kinkaid burning in the fireplace!

OneYieldRegular April 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Putting a Kinkade over the fireplace would be kind of redundant, wouldn't it?

BTWBFDIMHO April 8, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Unless it's a fake fireplace.

Negropolis April 9, 2012 at 7:35 am

I'd pay for a "Jesuses Playing Poker." It'd be set to the Last Supper, and every Jesus would have an ace-and-a-face.

BTW, you know who else liked the number 21?

BarackMyWorld April 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Let me know when the person who made this dies. Then I'll be sad.

iburl April 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Cool, I've never seen the uncropped version of that before, I've only seen it with the male bandmates.

WABishop April 7, 2012 at 7:39 pm
EloquentScience April 8, 2012 at 7:18 am

Kind of like the Galactic Fleetwood Mac.

YasserArraFeck April 9, 2012 at 10:14 am

Oh my God – that is fucking awesome..

johnnyzhivago April 7, 2012 at 12:50 pm

There's a painter who does most of his work here in NY for the Private Equity business – every time they close a plant, he does a painting of it for them… The paintings hang proudly in their offices – just like a prize fish or a 8 point buck!

Kind of like he who dies after putting the most schlubs out of work wins…

Arkoday April 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

……but, teach a man how to PAINT a fish and he'll never go hungry. Nay, I say unto thee, he rolleth in Ameros!
(Latvianicus 13.3.5 V2.1)

Blueb4sunrise April 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

YouTube informs me that today would be Billie's 97th birthday.

All of Me

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 12:36 am

Lovely. Thanks.
Here's Frank O'Hara's utterly brilliant poem, The Day Lady Died:

It is 12:20 in New York a Friday
three days after Bastille day, yes
it is 1959 and I go get a shoeshine
because I will get off the 4:19 in Easthampton
at 7:15 and then go straight to dinner
and I don’t know the people who will feed me

I walk up the muggy street beginning to sun
and have a hamburger and a malted and buy
an ugly NEW WORLD WRITING to see what the poets
in Ghana are doing these days
I go on to the bank
and Miss Stillwagon (first name Linda I once heard)
doesn’t even look up my balance for once in her life
and in the GOLDEN GRIFFIN I get a little Verlaine
for Patsy with drawings by Bonnard although I do
think of Hesiod, trans. Richmond Lattimore or
Brendan Behan’s new play or Le Balcon or Les Nègres
of Genet, but I don’t, I stick with Verlaine
after practically going to sleep with quandariness

and for Mike I just stroll into the PARK LANE
Liquor Store and ask for a bottle of Strega and
then I go back where I came from to 6th Avenue
and the tobacconist in the Ziegfeld Theatre and
casually ask for a carton of Gauloises and a carton
of Picayunes, and a NEW YORK POST with her face on it

and I am sweating a lot by now and thinking of
leaning on the john door in the 5 SPOT
while she whispered a song along the keyboard
to Mal Waldron and everyone and I stopped breathing

imissopus April 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Needs moar John McNaughton.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Needs moar DEAD John McNaughton.
fxd

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 12:54 am

I think it was implied that death/hell needs more John McNaughton.

Fare la Volpe April 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

How much you wanna bet McNaughtie Johnny is bawling his eyes out now that his celebrity boyfriend mentor has kicked it?

chascates April 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I'm hoping that whoever painted those huge-eyed, sad-looking children and dogs is dead as well.

Fare la Volpe April 7, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Norman Rockwell? Yeah, sucker's dead.

weejee April 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Walter Keane, who took the images of starving kids with huge eyes he saw as a GI in Europe in WWII and turned it into kitsch, went to the big mall in the sky a dozen years back.

Swampgas_Man April 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Actually, it was proven that his wife Margaret who painted those.

weejee April 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Wally used Margaret as an early version of giclée. But you are correct, she could paint circles around him and proved it in court.

DoggerelCDogg April 8, 2012 at 11:04 am

You're talkikng about Margaret Keane, an abused woman whose husband Walter forced her to do all those painting for which he took credit. I knew her in San Francisco, she is still alive and has a gallery there. If you knew her, you wouldn't say that.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm

So, I read this, and I thought, "Kincade is dead? Cool. What did the old shit die of?", and despite my doomsday-weapon-quality laziness, I actually clicked on the link, and come to find out? He was 54.
FIFTY FOUR!???!!
Then I thought, Ha ha, everybody here has outlived him!

Biff April 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm

But he well outlived Breitfart, so there's that.

Rotundo_ April 7, 2012 at 7:10 pm

That's the part that amazes me-both Breitbart and Kincade were not exactly ancient, but kicked rather early on. I knew Breitbart went on some benders now and then, but was he a full blown soak? So much for "Only the good die young."

smashedinhat April 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Hard to take the man seriously as an artists since he eschews black velvet.

MilwaukeeKent April 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Every time I see his work I think, "That's the "Happy Land" Republican politicians send their minds to, when they get that weird far-off glaze in their eyes and start repeating talking points like a broken record." Wonder if his factory will just keep cranking them out and what happens to the franchise stores in suburban malls.

iburl April 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"Kinkade's Media Arts Group took in $32 million per quarter."

So, $128 million a year for the most boring paintings imaginable.

Sounds about right.

Barrelhse April 7, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Those silly Christians.

valgal2342 April 8, 2012 at 1:42 am

I love to find a way to make $32 million per quarter off those pesky Xtians and Repugs.

Dudleydidwrong April 7, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Eat your hearts out, Wonketeers. Kinkade at least has two mentions in all good dictionaries, and we don't. One mention is in the definition of "schlock" and the other is under "kitsch." There was no room under "crap" and the good dictionaries don't have "shit," or otherwise he'd be there four times.

ShreditorsDesk April 7, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Isn't he the guy who painted the original 'Dogs Playing Poker'?

MissNancyPriss April 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Candy Spelling owns that. I saw it on the teevee.

Pennywhistler April 8, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Don't confuse Kinkaid with an artist.

Sharkey April 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm

The lesson here is that you should only paint sharks.

ElPinche April 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm

i hope Bob Ross is kicking Kinkade's ass in the 9th dimension , right now. Ross' hippie pot-induced happy accidental trees shit all over Kinkade's cookie-cutter, manufactured pancy-ass glowy all-white gated community cottage crap.

weejee April 7, 2012 at 1:37 pm
emmelemm April 7, 2012 at 2:52 pm

WOOHOO hooray! My neighborhood lady.

Biff April 7, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Whoa, Betty!

flamingpdog April 7, 2012 at 5:34 pm

That homeowner must have the most laidback homeowners association in the whole wide world!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Kincade will be welcomed into Middlebrow Paradise, where he will be greeted by the Archangel Meh-chael. Serenaded by The Carpenters' Greatest Hits, he will stroll through vistas of not-altogether-unpleasant pastoral views, and everyone will be more or less satisfied for all eternity as they walk the streets of Pleather. Finally, he will be welcomed into the presence of a semiomnipotent and liking Gosh.

Biff April 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I always thought Karen was underappreciated.

flamingpdog April 7, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Hear, hear – she's my secret guilty musical pleasure. If she'd only dumped her brother sooner and eaten a little more heartily …

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 12:45 am

She had a gorgeous voice and, though her choice of material was suspect, I agree she still was not in the same category as Kinkade. He had crappy subjects and an execution that was devoid of skill or originality. She had the execution part down.

Radio福井県 April 8, 2012 at 1:36 am

I think Dok needs to exchange Kenny G for "Rainy Days and Sundaes". Noodle drool has no redeemable value, and check this out.

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 9:43 am

Joe Queenan, a writer who is usually kind of assy, wrote a review of a Barry Manilow concert that said in part, "If you don't like him, don't go; but at least these are SONGS, with a beginning, a middle, and an end; not Kenny G jerking off over the same note for three hours". I'm inclined to agree with that.

OneYieldRegular April 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Amen. Karen was a great talent not to be mentioned in the same breath as Thomas Kinkade. If one is looking for the musical equivalent of Thomas Kinkade, try George Winston, who compared himself to Beethoven.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 8, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Oh, all right then.

Neil Diamond, maybe?

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 4:57 pm

The Archies. I hear that Archie, Jughead and the rest of the crew didn't do a lot of their own work, too.

BTWBFDIMHO April 9, 2012 at 10:35 am

Is he deaf?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 7, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Completely OT, but I'm on Al Franken's mailing list, and just got an email from "People in Stock Photos for Franken" that has obviously had its desired effect–I'm posting a link to the Mother Jones story here. Nice to see somebody doing some smart meta-campaigning!

–Man Typing on Laptop

Fare la Volpe April 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

That's what you get when you let a comedian run the government – brains.

flamingpdog April 7, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Al's the rare politician who isn't afraid to make fun of himself.

sullivanst April 9, 2012 at 9:03 am

Yeah, I got that email too. It was funnier than BALLS.

BTWBFDIMHO April 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Cause of death: tackycardia.

flamingpdog April 7, 2012 at 5:38 pm

BubMoronic plague.

Preferred Customer April 8, 2012 at 6:24 pm

He died in his kitschen.

ratcityrebel April 7, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Gather 'round, fair Wonketeers, the joys of working in the "collectibles" market. "Collectibles" are nothing more than mass produced art that targets a very nebulous group of people that think of these things as "investments". I cannot tell you the number of people who inquire as to the future value of Disney porcelain or Swarovski crystal figurines. I tried as delicately as possible to tell these dears that you should buy these things to enjoy them. One customer had so much of this stuff in her home that her bathroom was filled with Hummel figurines because there was nowhere else to put them.

Kinkade, of course, in edition to having dedicated mall "galleries" also sold his art trinkets in independent collectible stores. A fond memory: Kinkade made a "personal appearance" in Seattle at the height of his power that cost $500 per person. What you got was to spend a January morning in the unheated hangar at Boeing Field where his private jet was parked and thrill as he walked down and shook hands and had his picture taken with store reps. He got tired rather quickly and actually turned people away. Feel justified in gravedancing. I assure you he was an awful person.

BlueStateLibel April 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

So … are you trying to tell me that my prize Beanie Babie collection is worthless?

Nothingisamiss April 7, 2012 at 9:53 pm

OMG! Disney porcelain is my retirement plan!!!!!

Fare la Volpe April 7, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I feel your pain.

I work in antiques.

James Michael Curley April 8, 2012 at 11:14 am

I guess the most often heard phrase is; "But its XX years old."

Biff April 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

The Antiquities Act protects such things as telephone/telegraph poles and railroad ties, yet neither look much like antiques to me, hough I have several of each as landscape features.

MrFizzy April 8, 2012 at 9:25 am

No doubt about that. And it is a fact that he didn't have a whole lot to do with painting any of those headache-producing pieces of art. Probably not terribly difficult to program a computer and robot to slap a lot of different colors on a trite scene and then have him sign them. Most people are just sheep.

MissNancyPriss April 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm

But died at 54 with a gaggle of little daughters, which is more tragic than his paintings.

MissNancyPriss April 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I just read more about him, retract former comment.

Abbystinence April 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm

In its February 2006 decision, the arbitration panel said Kinkade and other company officials used terms like "partner," "trust," "Christian" and "God" to create "a certain religious environment designed to instill a special relationship of trust" with the couple.

What the company didn't tell them, said their attorney, was that they would have to sell Kinkade's works at minimum retail prices while the artist undercut them with discount sales, some of which he made himself on cable television.

In its February 2006 decision, the arbitration panel said Kinkade and other company officials used terms like "partner," "trust," "Christian" and "God" to create "a certain religious environment designed to instill a special relationship of trust" with the couple.

What the company didn't tell them, said their attorney, was that they would have to sell Kinkade's works at minimum retail prices while the artist undercut them with discount sales, some of which he made himself on cable television.
http://www.avclub.com/articles/qvc-artist-teams-u

McDonnellville April 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Never buy a used car (or anything) from someone who keeps talking about God, Jesus, how often they attend church, how they just try to be a good Christian, etc.

MissNancyPriss April 8, 2012 at 12:21 am

Holy crap, that's completely insane!

bagofmice April 8, 2012 at 8:22 am

How lucent.

glamourdammerung April 8, 2012 at 12:30 am

Like I said with Breitbart, I felt bad for their family before it was trendy.

Abbystinence April 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Dark Portrait of a `Painter of Light

"In sworn testimony and interviews, they recount incidents in which an allegedly drunken Kinkade heckled illusionists Siegfried & Roy in Las Vegas, cursed a former employee's wife who came to his aid when he fell off a barstool, and palmed a startled woman's breasts at a signing party in South Bend, Ind.

And then there is Kinkade's proclivity for "ritual territory marking," as he called it, which allegedly manifested itself in the late 1990s outside the Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim."
http://articles.latimes.com/2006/mar/05/business/

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Also, the guy at the convenience store near Kinkade's vacation house said he was a big porn hound who would come in and buy all the porno mags. And not just the regular ones, either, all the really pervy ones like "Gigantic Asses".

Chichikovovich April 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

He was into well-hung donkeys? That is pervy.

horsedreamer_1 April 8, 2012 at 11:15 am

He wanted his real Prom to be "One Nite in Tijuana" — just like the 21 Jump Street reboot.

Biff April 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Visual Muzak–perfect!

LastGasp April 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Ha, ha! I WON! And now Thomas Kinkade is dead, the End.

Whoa, that's harsh. But since I hated everything Kinkade stood for, as well as his sappy "art," I had to laugh.

bumfug April 7, 2012 at 2:18 pm

And a stunned art world can only take solace in the knowledge that Margaret Keane lives on.

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Meh…art has been dead to me since Bob Ross died…oh, and that German dude with the "happy trees".

Barrelhse April 7, 2012 at 2:33 pm

How fortunate, Rachel, for you to have such nice memories to remember him by, while the rest of us have only his schlock.

commiegirl April 7, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Get the name right, Battleknocks. It's "Raquel."

Barrelhse April 7, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I'm sorry, Rebecca! Don't know where "Rachel" came from.

commiegirl April 7, 2012 at 10:14 pm

It's cool, Baffle. I actually have two sisters named Sarah and Rachel, and Rachel is the go-to for about 4/5ths of everyone who gets Rebecca wrong. It's an Old Testament thang.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 2:21 am

I have a friend named ReBecca. It does make her stand out in a crowd, I guess.

Mumbletypeg April 8, 2012 at 12:48 am

"THAT'S NOT RACHEL TRANSCENDENCE!!1!"

pinkocommi April 7, 2012 at 2:37 pm

kincade art needz moar blingees.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

And because one can never make too much fun of Kinkade, here's the link to Something Awful:
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday

Twelve pages of Kinkade parodies in Part 1 alone.

GeneralLerong April 7, 2012 at 3:44 pm

My favorite was Red Horse Glue.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

The most succinct possible comment on the man's oeuvre.

Chichikovovich April 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Now that's art!

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Does it come in camouflage and constitution?

chascates April 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Oh God, thank you so much for that! I want the 'America under attack' one so badly I can't stand it (page 2, second from the top)!

No, the one with the Klan burning a cross on the lawn!

MiniMencken April 8, 2012 at 1:14 am

That link had me laughing so hard, the orderlies here at the Institute had to bring me a second set of meds because the first set came up out of my nose! Thanks, tessiee!

MrFizzy April 8, 2012 at 9:30 am

Thank you for the link – some of that stuff is indescribably great. The nuke-ular bombs going off in the Kinkade scenes are particularly outstanding.

DemmeFatale April 8, 2012 at 11:06 am

That slinky is so touching! I'm all verklempt, *sniff."

Fare la Volpe April 8, 2012 at 3:02 pm

My mother bust a gut at the Exorcist. Those are too beautiful for words.

ElPinche April 8, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I'm not sure why this one makes me pee a little bit in my pants:

"..a painter of a lot more light" http://images.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlep

CivicHoliday April 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I cannot WAIT to hear what HennesyYoungman has to say about this.

Radio福井県 April 7, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Kinkade, he did paintings worthy of a King…………here King, here King.

MiniMencken April 7, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I now have a reason to love you, Rebecca!

Blendergoathead April 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Since I have not the slightest idea of who this person is/was, would it be slanderous or libelous to call him a skullfucker?

Wadisay April 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm

The occasion: the “private” opening for an ironic showing of Thomas Kinkade’s Christian-fished, trademark-marked work

Unfortunately, time and money do not know when they are being wasted ironically.

According to NPR, a Thomas Kincaid picture hangs in one in every 20 houses in the USA. I suspect this means that 5% of the commenters here will be getting culled shortly.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 10:17 pm

"According to NPR, a Thomas Kincaid picture hangs in one in every 20 houses in the USA"

Meanwhile, one million people with talent and training in art are working crap jobs for minimum wage.

Gainsbourg69 April 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Did any of you get a chance to read John Derbyshires' most recent racist article?
http://takimag.com/article/the_talk_nonblack_vers

V572 Hogan Gidley April 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Awesome, ain't it? Too hot/odious for National Review! The link's a bit stressed by so many hits, so here's a quote.

(10a) Avoid concentrations of blacks not all known to you personally.
(10b) Stay out of heavily black neighborhoods.

(10c) If planning a trip to a beach or amusement park at some date, find out whether it is likely to be swamped with blacks on that date (neglect of that one got me the closest I have ever gotten to death by gunshot).

(10d) Do not attend events likely to draw a lot of blacks.

(10e) If you are at some public event at which the number of blacks suddenly swells, leave as quickly as possible.

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Holy shit, it sounds like he lifted that from some kind of zombie survival guide.

SexySmurf April 7, 2012 at 5:43 pm

(10a) Avoid concentrations of blacks not all known to you personally.

How am I suppose to tell if I know them: they all look alike.

(10b) Stay out of heavily black neighborhoods.

No problem; I live in Seattle.

(10c) If planning a trip to a beach or amusement park at some date, find out whether it is likely to be swamped with blacks on that date (neglect of that one got me the closest I have ever gotten to death by gunshot).

Don't go to Disneyland on "Women with Big Asses Get in Free" day.

(10d) Do not attend events likely to draw a lot of blacks.

That's why I stopped going to church.

(10e) If you are at some public event at which the number of blacks suddenly swells, leave as quickly as possible.

If you're at the supermarket and they start giving out free samples of Kool-Aid, drop your organic hummus and get the fuck out.

Designer_Rants April 7, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Brilliant. Needz moar upfists button.

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 12:25 pm

What's your point?

glamourdammerung April 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

That really deserves its own thread.

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Agreed

Gainsbourg69 April 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm

It is quite ironic that an Englishman would try to warn his kids about black people in public places. All the laws against hooliganism that exist all across Europe today were prompted by the way his countrymen behave when they travel abroad.

Gainsbourg69 April 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I guess.

horsedreamer_1 April 8, 2012 at 11:19 am

Clearly, Derbyshire doesn't even listen to rap by white, English people: "The Irony of It All" & "Too Much Brandy" explained this ten years ago.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 8, 2012 at 12:30 am

Aaaand he's been fired, which I'm sure no one could have seen coming.

glamourdammerung April 8, 2012 at 12:39 am

I am actually surprised they did not pull the "victim card" stupidity about how the "liberal media" and everyone else are the real racists.

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 9:54 am

I'm so confused after reading the comments on the Politico article, which people wrote with their facebook accounts, visible to their friends, families, and employers. To wit:

Patrick Despaw · Syracuse University
I echo what those of us here with experience already know.

The haughty liberals on this thread and the same haughty liberals who run National Review are so blind to the truth it could walk up and mug them and they wouldn't know it.

Stephen Manning · San Francisco, California
Why is there even a person called Ta-Nehisi Coates?

Preston Wiginton · Top Commenter
Peggy can you define racist? Just because some one does not like another group of people, does that make them racist? What a fascist you are for making us love everyone.

Preston Wiginton · Top Commenter
Matthew Foster Matthew maybe you would like to go to Austria and meet with the last SS survivors or to Italy to meet with the last of Mussolini's men. You would be glad you did. Books are for jews. I prefer to learn from experience and to hear it from those who lived it.

That last guy is punking the comments, right? Books are for Jews, indeed.

horsedreamer_1 April 8, 2012 at 11:22 am

Now, even National Review is RINO. Guess you shouldn't have smoked that joint, William F. Buckley, Jr.

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 11:28 am

"National Review? Why don't you get William F. Buckley to kill the spider?"

-Alvy Singer

McDonnellville April 8, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Preston Wiginton · Top Commenter
Peggy can you define racist? Just because some one does not like another group of people, does that make them racist? What a fascist you are for making us love everyone.

So much to unpack here.
"Peggy can you define racist?"
I think the definition of racist has been defined quite nicely by innumerable people back in the 20th Century.
"Just because some one does not like another group of people, does that make them racist?"
No, it could also make them a homophobe and/or misogynist.
"What a fascist you are for making us love everyone."
Yes, because the main purpose of fascism was to get everyone to love people they hated.

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 7:29 pm

And that's just the zeroth-order deconstruction of Preston's mental state. The average therapist would require about eight degrees of meta-therapy in order to probe all the way down.

Anyway, books are for jews.

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 1:14 am

"Look, John, I'm not a bigot. You know the kind of books I've written about the civil rights movement in this country. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in T-shirts with crying eagles and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as rednecks, I get worried. I get nervous."

horsedreamer_1 April 8, 2012 at 11:24 am

I had a homeschooler on my most recent flight to DC. I bit my tongue about asking if she's a birther or vaccine denialist.

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Now you have to go work for Fox, Negropolis.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 8, 2012 at 3:21 pm

James Fallows has written a nice FTFY piece based on Derbyshire: "The Talk: What Parents Tell Their Children About John Derbyshire"

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Very well done, Mr Fallows Fisher. Now I have about 18 other tabs open with articles I have to read.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 9, 2012 at 9:44 am

My bad–thought that was Fallows, but it was indeed Max Fisher…oh, and goddammit, look at all the cool stuff on Fallows' actual blog…Chinese dissidents, flying cars, and several nice pieces on false equivalence (guess what! Obama didn't force Detroit to make electric cars!)

not that Dewey April 9, 2012 at 9:57 am

Yes — the case of mistaken identity gave me twice as much reading fun yesterday; first, all the embedded links in the Fisher article, then his entire ouvre, then the follow-up to see what Fallows did write. It was a nice, lazy Easter afternoon, reading the Atlantic while a house full of little girls ran around shrieking and generally enjoying themselves.

And then, after following up on your Al Franken thing, I found Mac McClelland's terrific I Was a Warehouse Wage Slave, which I highly recommend.

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Well, Rich Lowry may have fired "Derb", and much of the three-page list of NR writers is unfamiliar to me, but he still pays

Charles Krauthammer
Clifford D. May
Daniel Pipes
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.
Jay Nordlinger
Jim Geraghty
Jonah Goldberg
Kathryn Jean Lopez
Larry Kudlow
Lawrence A. Chickering
Lee A. Casey
Mark R. Levin
Mark Steyn
Mona Charen
Victor Davis Hanson

and even Rich Lowry, for their opinions. And he has Ralph Reed and John Yoo on retainer. I'm not sure much has changed over there.

flamingpdog April 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Kincade died?? Oh, man, I'm gonna miss his comments here on teh Wonkette. I mean, I didn't always agree with Chet, but RIP, dude!

Oh, wait …

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Chet, the Artist of Snark, will never die.

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Just don't try and take my TV set!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyyXeyww854

Barb April 7, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Oh no, not Chet!

Limeylizzie April 8, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Not my secret lover ChetKincaid??? Who else can portray the gorgeous, ebony-skinned airman hiding in my hay-loft ?

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Don't fret, Baby! After we blow up the private office of the Kommandant of the Hauptwache at the Hotel Meurice on Rue de Rivoli with the last of my grenades, we'll flee Paris in the back of a camion full of legumes, breathlessly holding each other through the checkpoints. Then I'll make you a bowl of jambalaya in the barn, and later, in the loft, I'll place your slender reed between my lips and practice my embouchure.

Limeylizzie April 8, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Is that what you Yanquis call 'Le Be-Bop?”

Chet Kincaid April 9, 2012 at 9:55 am

Let's form a sextet, Sweety! I'll be your founding member. You are a delightful chant-tease!

Dashboard Buddha April 9, 2012 at 9:41 am

Ok you two. DON'T get a room.

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Sorry to disappoint you.

Designer_Rants April 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm
McDonnellville April 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Ah, good times.

James Michael Curley April 8, 2012 at 11:53 am

I got a pair of Sperry Top-Siders for only $60 last fall.

barto April 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Mysteriously, however, new paintings of "his" will continue to flood the market. HOW is this POSSIBLE?!?

Designer_Rants April 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Poltergeist Kinkade!

AnAmericanInTO April 7, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Same reason I can still buy new V.C. Andrews' books at the Rite Aid.

Barrelhse April 8, 2012 at 10:30 am

God works in mysterious ways.

horsedreamer_1 April 8, 2012 at 11:25 am

The Thomas Kinade Legacy?

Veritas78 April 8, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Nobody told the North Korean slave-artists?

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 10:28 pm

"How is this possible?!?" Barto rhetorically boomed.

Robman2 April 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Brilliance…Editrix, Art Center the Baja Brooks of Photo-tapestry, or Photo-sophistry, all Kincaid's minions are now left pondering if sometime tomorrow, his tomb, er…safe deposit box will indeed be empty, or filled once again through the coffers of empathy.

An_Outhouse April 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Is this post some type of confession? You didn't mention HOW you killed him!

BTWBFDIMHO April 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Grand Central Art Center? Kind of a redundant redundancy.

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Step right up and receive your Certificate of Redundancy Certificate.

freddymcmurray April 8, 2012 at 1:27 am

i prefer reredundancy.

LettucePrey April 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

What, no mention of Kinkade's 2010 DUI arrest? Or the lawsuits against his empire for defrauding his franchise stores? For shame. I expect more post-mortem muckraking from Wonketeers.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 12:55 am

Somebody already said he cursed at an employee who helped him when he fell off a barstool and he collected porno while calling himself born-again; I just assumed a DUI is a given.

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Didn't you used to see his stuff at the corner gas stations…next to the velvet Elvises and dogs playing poker?

ManchuCandidate April 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Dogs playing poker were classier than the crap Kinkaide put out.

Dashboard Buddha April 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

True…and if the DPP pictures maybe weren't as technically astute (I don't know art, so I'll have to ask for some slack here) as Kinkaid's, at least it was funny and not diabetes inducing god-bothering.

rocktonsam April 7, 2012 at 6:16 pm

if it ain't a crucifix in a jar of piss it ain't art

DemmeFatale April 8, 2012 at 11:10 am

…or The Virgin Mary and elephant dung.

BTWBFDIMHO April 7, 2012 at 6:31 pm

He had convinced the Vatican to re-paint the ceiling of the Capella Sistina, so the Lord called him, in the name of Art.

chascates April 7, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Looking over his paintings I really appreciate Bev Doolittle more. Hell, I appreciate the illustrations that used to be in those old 'Ideal' magazines more.

So Tired April 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Hey, Bev Doolittle was my favorite when I discovered her in an art shop back in 1982. Loved those pintos on the snow covered mountain.

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Eh, we did a jigsaw of one of his cottages as a family one holiday. The graphic worked nicely for that. I'd never heard of him until then. I move in the wrong circles I guess.

It will be interesting if his family sells off the originals. That is considered one of the keys to his business model. The posters weren't copies in the same way because there was never an original available.

extreme_left April 7, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Kinkade makes Hitler's paintings look normal

tessiee April 7, 2012 at 10:19 pm

And John Wayne Gacy's paintings look competent.

Isyaignert April 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

My BFF has two of his paintings (she paid $$ for them) and she's willed them to me.

Extemporanus April 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I'm sorry for your gain.

Chichikovovich April 7, 2012 at 7:35 pm

She has my undying respect! That's perhaps the cleverest device I've ever heard to ensure careful, attentive medical care in case of a serious accident. I assume you've taken a job with a flexible schedule just in case.

Barrelhse April 8, 2012 at 10:51 am

She better watch her back, eh?

Dudleydidwrong April 8, 2012 at 6:51 pm

If she dies by falling into and through both paintings you can sort of take care of the matter and maybe the frames will be worth something.

littlebigdaddy April 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I was amazed to hear that he went to a reputable art school. His work screams "self-taught," but not in a good or interesting way.

Texan_Bulldog April 7, 2012 at 7:26 pm

He's definitely no Bob Ross–his trees were happy & probably a little high (and not in the tall way).

I think of Kinkade as the redneck's version of ____ (fill in the blank with any credible artist). Kind of like TLC is to PBS as Thomas Kinkade is to Monet.

Radio福井県 April 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm

You know who else was a clown and liked to paint?

Fare la Volpe April 7, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Adolf the Pierrot?

ProgressiveInga April 7, 2012 at 9:06 pm

John Wayne?

Extemporanus April 7, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Radio福井県 April 7, 2012 at 10:52 pm

He clearly likes to work in pearlescents.

Limeylizzie April 8, 2012 at 7:22 pm

John Wayne Gacy and Red Skelton?

Rotundo_ April 7, 2012 at 7:35 pm

It will be interesting to see how many "Hidden Masterpieces" the family and business manages to find over the next several years. My guess is that he shit out a whole bunch of these things and if not, someone out there has the talent to duplicate the "masters" eye for capturing light and shadow and perspective so well. QVC or HSN will no doubt be breathlessly announcing the finds shortly, and continuously for years to come. "Just when we thought we had found the last of Thomases works we have stumbled miraculously on another, and it can be yours for four quick pay installments…"

Chichikovovich April 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Yes, they just need to find a competent painter and it could be just like van Meegeren.

Except that Vermeers are rare. And nice to look at. And van Meegren wasn't a better painter than Vermeer.

But otherwise exactly the same.

McDonnellville April 7, 2012 at 7:42 pm

"It turns out he had produced hundreds, if not thousands, of more 'Masterpieces of Light' that are exclusively available to QVC customers. It's a testament to Kinkade's talent & legacy that you can have by going into credit card debt."

rocktonsam April 7, 2012 at 7:48 pm

you may find a bunch of his work on"Storage Wars."

Tits Brandie, Tits!!

BlueStateLibel April 7, 2012 at 9:15 pm

You can find many Chinese-made replicas on ebay, typically painted by people with hilarious ideas of life in the United States.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 12:59 am

He trained a whole team of people to duplicate his "work." He supposedly hadn't painted an entire painting for years. So, like Celine Dion's heart, his work will go on.

cheetojeebus April 7, 2012 at 7:55 pm

just a little while from now a "Helga" book will come out, but more likely to be titled "Helmut" or " Silvio" , Secret paintings of light falling across the glistening abs of his gardener.

V572 Hogan Gidley April 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm

OT, but Chuck Grassley twatted that President Obama is "stupid."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/07/chuck-gr

weejee April 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Chuck Grassley is to politics what Thomas da glow worm Kinkade was to art. The sickly illumination you should run from, not to.

Designer_Rants April 7, 2012 at 9:49 pm

"Bcause Am ppl r not stupid as this x prof of con law"

He's my senator, so I'm qualified to say: Am ppl r as stupid as this corn fed govt grifter grassley.

Barb April 7, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Yes, I saw Grassley call Obama "stupid" Happy high holy Christian holiday!

WWJCS?

V572 Hogan Gidley April 8, 2012 at 2:03 am

What would Joseph Campbell say?

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:29 am

Who would Jesus call stupid?

weejee April 8, 2012 at 11:29 am

He'd give us a skeleton key to Finn McCool's shiva.

Chichikovovich April 8, 2012 at 10:25 am

I think he would say "Alea Jacta Est". After he crossed the Potomac to kick Grassley's ass.

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 1:22 am

That is so the pot calling the kettle blah.

Grassley. Bless his stupid, little heart. He don't know no better, god bless 'im.

Designer_Rants April 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm

OT: Maybe compounded by the fact that I'm on a "Game Of Thrones" marathon right now to set the backdrop of wicked decisions made by a cruel ruler, but this strikes me as far more foreboding, because it's "real life":

Justice Thomas’s dissents persuaded Justice Scalia to change his mind several times that year. Even in Hudson v. McMillan, the case that prompted the New York Times to infamously label Justice Thomas the “youngest, cruelest justice,” he was again, initially, the lone dissenter. Justice Scalia changed his vote after he read Justice Thomas’s dissent, which said a prison inmate beaten by guards had several options for redress—but not under the Eighth Amendment’s prohibition of “cruel and unusual punishment.”

http://bit.ly/Hr6K0a

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 1:25 am

Thomas is the vilest justice on the court, bar none. Scalia cops to his rank evilness. Thomas just sits their like a silent coward as he helps in dismantling the nation in the cruelest of ways.

Wile E. Quixote April 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Wow, and there I was making fun of him only a few days ago.

comrad_darkness April 7, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Life is so fleeting.

Biff April 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Same here. My ex-sister in law was talking on FB about some art she bought, and I told her not to mention that Kinkade, ever. When he tipped over, I wrote on my wall that perhaps I shouldn't have joked about his crap, and I couldn't believe the shitstorm that rained down upon me. I think I need new "friends."

Wile E. Quixote April 7, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Sure, he was a drunk and hack and a dick, but he did have his moments:
http://www.ocregister.com/entertainment/montereyh

In the late 1990s, he is reported to have urinated on a Winnie the Pooh figure at the Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim. "This one's for you, Walt," he is reported to have said.

Wile E. Quixote April 7, 2012 at 11:01 pm

If the Disney corporation had as finely developed a sense of irony as I do they'd have a bunch of Disney employees dressed up in costume go and piss on Thomas Kinkade's grave and announce in chorus "This one's for you Walt."

mrblifil April 8, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Kinkade himself started as a background painter for the cinema. The background art in the Winnie the Pooh shorts from the sixties towers over Kinkade's work like a 200-year old Weeping Willow towers over an ant. No wonder he felt threatened.

zumpie April 13, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I was wondering when someone would bring this up! I hadn't heard of it until the stupid Today Show reported it with the utmost solemnity. I truly thought I was watching an SNL skit.

And then I proceeded to tell everyone I've ever met.

Wile E. Quixote April 7, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Oh, and here's a fun picture of Kinkade's DUI.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/dmcnamara/thomas-kinkade-

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 1:02 am

Every bit as good as The Master could have done!

Biff April 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

He failed in his attempt to upstage David Hasselhoff.

SheriffRoscoe April 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Kinkade played it safe. I like an artist with the courage and guts to always play it safe in his work. It's kind of like life: boring, predictable, and oh so pretty. That's what great art is supposed to mean you fucking elitist college-educated libtard snobs!

– Rick Santorum

ratcityrebel April 7, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Fun fact: The buy-in ("initial investment") required to sell Kinkade's stuff was (at the time) $100,000. Lladro, which is hand-finished in Spain and doesn't resemble the aftermath of a Baskin Robbins exploding, had a buy-in of $20,000.

V572 Hogan Gidley April 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

There are two reasons nobody looked at Kincade's paintings and said, "I could've done that."

(1) They lacked minimal eye-hand coordination, color sense, and good taste; or
(2) They didn't want to leave the world uglier than they found it.

OT: Li'l Ricky's cancelled his weekend events…uh-oh! Adios, you rat bastard.

Steverino247 April 7, 2012 at 10:14 pm
tessiee April 7, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Joe the Painter.

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 1:27 am

Winner, winner chicken-fuckin'-dinner!

Wile E. Quixote April 7, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Thomas Kinkade, fucking punk with his candy-assed paintings of light.Jack Kirby or Tom of Finland could have kicked his ass any day of the week. Kirby would have taken him out with some awesome <a href="http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=kirby+crackle&qpvt=kirby+crackle&FORM=Z7FD"&gt; and Tom of Finland would have finished him off with an acutely detailed drawing of an inhumanly large and erect penis.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I will not deny that I once completed a Thomas Kinkade puzzle. It was challenging, especially in the trees… but when it was finished, it was rather attractive. A gaslight near dusk, and a pastoral thatch-roofed brick, with a cobblestone walkway that led to a stone bridge crossing a brook. It really was pretty, because I actually paused to think if the homeowner was inside, reading a copy of The Saturday Evening Post or The New Yorker, perhaps…

First off, however, who among us doesn't romanticize a sunset already?

I also kept my keel by saying, "he sold the rights of this piece to be reproduced as a puzzle". Mass production of art, and not in a flattering mien. To equal what he did to a perfectly good painting, I cannot wait until that MacNaughton asshole misses a fucking mortgage payment and must turn his Holy Shit™ into a puzzle.

and I hope they leave a few pieces out of the box, when it gets packaged… like Kinkade's company did.

Blueb4sunrise April 7, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Some pigfucker was too much even for NRO?

Name of Skimmertown, or something…..

mrblifil April 7, 2012 at 11:08 pm

This is my favorite Rebecca post ever. If she had mentioned the untimely demise of Fabritius, who was younger than Kinkade when he died, and painted a lot fewer works, but is still remembered today, it would have been perfect.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 8, 2012 at 11:36 am

Thus far, mine is the undead Dick Cheney.

archikvetch April 7, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Walter Keane was maligned when he passed! I hope there is a Margaret Kinkade in the shadows to keep the Master of Light TM and his work alive! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Keane

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 12:12 am

So, what you're saying is that Kinkade was the WalMart of the Art World, then?

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 1:04 am

Actually, I think he was more the 7-Eleven of the art world.

Dudleydidwrong April 8, 2012 at 7:06 pm

No. Big Lots or Dollar General.

glamourdammerung April 8, 2012 at 12:28 am

I would think Dali would be a better choice for the "Painter of Freedumb™".

Dali was a shameless self-promoter that was also a fascist. And at least he had talent.

littlebigdaddy April 8, 2012 at 12:42 am

Milan Kundera defined kitsch as the "absolute denial of shit." Of course, the paradox is that the denial of shit is itself so drenched in shit that it is inseparable from shit. The little twee village where no one ever dies or has a stroke or chases some younger skirt is a deadening crapotorium. Because shit, unlike sex with which it is often compared, has no creative value. And, ultimately shit gets in by the back door. (How do you think the fucking fields got so green?). I am sick of lecturing on aesthetics and politics, as that is what I do for a fucking so-called living, but there ya go.

GemlikeFlame April 8, 2012 at 12:48 am

I would normally join in the Kinkade bashing here (and I truly find his work as or more gawdawful than the rest of you do) but for one thing. He occupies the same position for art that blush wine does for wine. It sucks, and loudly, but it might motivate someone to think about why it sucks and what could be better, and maybe, just maybe, that would move them to a more sophisticated understanding. Of course, this is also middle America and I'm probably horribly mistaken.

Weren't wine coolers the cause of Bristol's downfall? I may be barking up the wrong metaphorical tree.

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 1:39 am

I don't think that he's necessarily ridiculed for his bad art. I think it's his hubris and taking himself as a serious artist given his relative lack of talent that gets people. Plenty of people create shitty, mass-produced art…and most of them are humble and self-reflective enough to rightfully stay in the background realizing that there work is what it is.

cheetojeebus April 8, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Sorry, Renoir is already fulfilling that function.

mavenmaven April 8, 2012 at 7:40 am

Thomas Kincade, painter of money™.

bagofmice April 8, 2012 at 8:33 am

Myself, I prefer me some Skyrim and its happy little speedtrees.

smitallica April 8, 2012 at 9:44 am

In tribute to the loss of this great artist, a moment of silence will be observed in every hotel lobby, dentist waiting room, and retirement home activity room in the country.

Gainsbourg69 April 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Don't forget cruise ship cabins.

Man0nTheStreet April 8, 2012 at 10:44 am

Has anyone released a painting of good artists pissing on Kinkade's grave yet?

weejee April 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

Not yet, but someone let the dogs out.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm

That is awesome!

Biff April 8, 2012 at 11:49 am

RIP Mike Wallace. I think he finally succumbed to the embarrassment of having Chris as a son.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Too bad this didn't have a "The Hunger Games" twist and Chris could have filled in for his dad.

proudgrampa April 8, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I always wondered why he had bouts of depression. That would have done it.

Too soon, Mike. Too soon.

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I love the guy, but I'd kill to live to 93.

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Those of us who are chomping at the bit to nuke Iran because, oil and brown people or whatever, just elect Romney for prez. He's bestest buddies with Beebz Netz (just made that up, think it will track?). They go waaaay back, to youthful "experimentation" or something.

Mr. Netanyahu insists that he is neutral in the presidential election, but he has at best a fraught relationship with President Obama. For years, the prime minister has skillfully mobilized many Jewish groups and Congressional Republicans to pressure the Obama administration into taking a more confrontational approach against Iran.http://nyti.ms/HsXnN2

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I can't get the link to work, but I read the story in the Denver Post this morning. Birds of a feather.

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Oops, here's a link that works: http://nyti.ms/Hq87i5

oldedinvn April 8, 2012 at 12:34 pm

For you people what don't not know shit about art, let me give you the basics. The two best are The Scream (my life) & Dogs playing Poker (how did he get them to pose).
The worst & I was sure of this until I heard of this dead guy were Normal Sumthin what painted for the Saturday even pots & the gut what drawd the kids with keene eyes .
Learn art or at least his brother simon.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Happy Easter Bitches! I'm going to go to worship at a casino for a few hours and then buy some marked down Easter candy.

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Once in the '90s, I celebrated Easter by going to brunch with my Jewish girlfriend, and then we rented "Monty Python's Life Of Brian" and watched "The Ten Commandments" with mockery in our hearts and on our tongues. I got food poisoning and hurled all night. Was probably my Preacher Dad smiting me from beyond the grave.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 8, 2012 at 1:42 pm

There you are!

I figured you were in mourning.

P.S. Good luck, Barb.
~

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Huh?

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I assume it was a "Kinkaid/Kincaid" joke.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 2:51 pm

It's too late to get marked down Easter candy here. They pull it off the shelf before Easter morning for some reason. Gotta get those garden tools up on the shelves I guess. Are you in Vegas or at you hanging at one of those Native-American joints?

Barb April 8, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Native American joint. Won $600-ish. Stopped and picked up something to grill for dinner and some Easter candy.

McDonnellville April 8, 2012 at 6:38 pm

"They pull it off the shelf before Easter morning for some reason."
That's to save it for next Easter.

LetUsBray April 9, 2012 at 2:26 am

I'm more interested in finding some marked-down Passover macaroons. They have coconut in them, so they're clearly good for you. At least, that's the theory I'm working with.

oldedinvn April 8, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Dear Editrix;
Would you please send me the posts a day before you post them. This time zone crap means that before I can use 1/2 my witty comments everthing is a day old.
If you can send them to Barb first so that she has the first comment, sad as mine will be, gimme a chance to comment within 24 hours.

Thank you or sumthin.

Veritas78 April 8, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Just like the NBA should start an auxiliary league for humans under 6 feet tall, Wonkette should host an alternate website for the time-zone deprived AND those of us with jobs that don't allow us to surf during the day.

Or, just save up all the entries until, say, 8 p.m. and then post them all at once. What delightful chaos that could be, kinda like those Black Friday stampedes where people get killed!

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 8:24 pm

There's already a WNBA.

Veritas78 April 8, 2012 at 8:34 pm

That is SO racist!

Barb April 8, 2012 at 6:27 pm

The comments don't come to me first. I sit here during the day and debug software for a friend of mine and I post and then go back to work.
Ah, fuck it! I get the comments before everyone else. I am so busted.

FakaktaSouth April 8, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Barb said Fuck on Easter and NOW my whole day is made. Yes. I have the sense of humor of an 11yo boy and I'm sheltered. Whatever. It's funny like when I saw my teacher in jeans on a zoo field-trip.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Lol, Fakakta. You bring me so much joy.
Sarah Palin tweeted "Happy Easter" and I answered, "I am out of tampons & I'm using a marshmallow Peep" Now she's blocked me, LOL!

Biff April 8, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Ow! Tomato slices out the nose hurt!

Steverino247 April 8, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Easter's been cancelled. They found the body.

(And yeah, the joke's as old as the short story it's based on…)

ElPinche April 8, 2012 at 3:20 pm

*sunglasses*
YEEEAAAAAHH!!

…with a little pop-culture, it's good as new.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Thank Darwin! Now I won't have to put up with peoplez coming up to me on the street and asking me, "Have you found Jesus?".

BornInATrailer April 8, 2012 at 1:37 pm

We should all be grateful he was a successful painter because remember that other guy..

Biff April 8, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I was given one of those Xiamen monkey paintings as a housewarming gift when I finished my house. I'd put it up against anything by Kinkade, and Xiamen monkey paintings are really terrible.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I know absolutely nothing about fine art, but I know something that makes me want to vomit when I see it.

Biff April 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm

It's not the wanting to vomit that brings value, it's the actual vomiting.

McDonnellville April 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm

These things actually exist? People actually display them? Are they the same people who find "modern art" too confusing and/or disturbing? Yet they are perfectly fine with these…um, "works of art"?
I ask these questions seriously.

Biff April 8, 2012 at 7:13 pm

That link I posted should be taken as proof that they do indeed exist. I think most of them are purchased ironically, unlike the works of Kinkade.

I mean come ON, who wouldn't want this oil painting of Rmoney on the wall of their bathroom/vomitorium?

McDonnellville April 8, 2012 at 7:26 pm

The Rmoney one is uncanny.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Ah, for the good(?) old days of Bush or chimp.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 9, 2012 at 10:25 am

Freeper response: "Yeah, but they call us 'racist' if we depict Obongo as a monkey."

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 9:53 am

They're pictures for people who find Darwin's theory of evolution too upsetting.

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 9:52 am

Is the monkey wearing the crown supposed to be Duhbya Bush?
Because if not, those all suck shit in hell.

Biff April 9, 2012 at 10:20 am

If you buy the panting(hint-I did not), you get to name it anything you want.

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 9:56 am

"'I just want to be a halfway educated monkey in a suit.' So he went to Business School" — Futurama

Radio福井県 April 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Happy Zombie Jesus Day everybody…..now back to my regularly scheduled in-laws.

ElPinche April 8, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Hopefully you don't get a stomach ache from all those chocolatey Jesus eggs

Mumbletypeg April 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Happy Bonne Idée! Laissez les bon-oeufs rouler~

One_Man_Band April 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I would like to commission a painting of this, in the Thomas Kinkade style: http://youtu.be/z4sxbfaxOZc

There's some light for ya to paint.

One_Man_Band April 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Happy Easter!

proudgrampa April 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I never understood Kinkade's schtick. Always thought his whole body of work (if you can call it that) was schmaltz and phony.

Anyway, Happy Bunny Day.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 3:02 pm

An Easter story I figured all Wonketeers would want to read.

ElPinche April 8, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Hopefully he gave a little prayer to the Jets cuz they gonna need it.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Good thing I didn't eat any chocolate, I'd be throwing it up. Apparently Tebow is another one of those people who thinks what's written on the money is more important than what's written in the Constitution.

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 5:03 pm

WE'RE A CHRISTIAN NATION!!! JUST LOOK ON THE DOLLAR BILL!!!!!!!

Dashboard Buddha April 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I dunno…the $1 bill is rockin' that Eye of Sauron thing, isn't it?

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 5:50 pm

WE'RE ALSO A NATION OF SURVEILLANCE!!!!!!

Barrelhse April 8, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Jesus fucking Christ.

George Spelvin April 8, 2012 at 9:03 pm

"one nation under God". Tim's command of political history ranks right up there with his deep out.

LetUsBray April 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I realize that professional athletics in this country is a field crawling with obnoxiously stinking pious yet marginally literate individuals. So why are this particular yokel's utterances considered newsworthy?

Negropolis April 9, 2012 at 7:25 am

Because he was the first college sophomore to win a Heisman Trophy? Because he willingly and actively let himself be used by religious whack-a-doodles who have "shoved him down our throats"?

Timmeh Tebow, you're trying way too hard. Timmy T-boned, you're doing it wrong.

This guy is so going to get caught in some strange sex scandal. There have always been rumors since he flaunts his virginity that he likes to PIITB with his girls, and like some GCBs, that's not considered "sex".

Biff April 8, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Had a little jackrabbit hopping around my yard earlier this morning, I'ma go looking for the eggs I know he left me.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Those little round brown ones – they're not eggs.

Dashboard Buddha April 8, 2012 at 5:14 pm

He can't know that for sure unless he tries one.

Chichikovovich April 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm

No, they're yummy raisins!

bagofmice April 8, 2012 at 7:13 pm
ElPinche April 8, 2012 at 8:45 pm

You use the jackrabbit analogy for your pot dealer too! I put a torch to an egg and smoked one for zombie jesus.

Biff April 8, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Nah, Lizzie and I are the anti-pot grinches of teh wonket.

Mumbletypeg April 8, 2012 at 5:18 pm

In your ear Easter bonnet, wonketteers! ♪

Radio福井県 April 8, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I hope Peter Cottontail took care of you today, M.

James Michael Curley April 8, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Mike Wallace is dead and they let an extraterrestrial Oosthuizen play in the Masters but those southern misogyists won't let a women play.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 8:16 pm

The winner, Watson, is a fundamentalist Christian. His wife is Jesusy in a very cult-like way. I am wondering if the fact he played all weekend in completely white clothing has something to do with the fact it's Easter. The way he wears his shirts buttoned all the way up to his chin no matter how hot it is looks creepy to me.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 8:25 pm

BTW, he's the one who behaved in a very boorish way at the French Open, being rude to European players and criticizing French culture. When some other golfers publicly criticized him, his response was to send out the typical Republican tweet, "If I offended anyone I apologize." The big IF. Apparently, his intention was to hurry home to play with the Dukes of Hazzard car he bought at a Hollywood auction for more than $100,000, not that he can't afford it.

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Very odd body language, that dude.

James Michael Curley April 9, 2012 at 6:36 am

Wearing your 'polo' shirt buttoned all the way up is a sign of your wealth/superiority/aristocratic heritage, whatever. Really, I'm not kidding. This is a tradition almost as old as the first time Izods were accepted as golf wear. The working class wear their 'polo' and other shirts with the top button open. Having the top button closed is one of many elements of 'gentlemen's dress' which signifies the opulence of custom tailoring and proper fit.

Chet Kincaid April 9, 2012 at 9:49 am

Except he's not an aristocrat, he's a Florida community college Bubba.

James Michael Curley April 9, 2012 at 10:16 am

Therefore a posser.

Jukesgrrl April 10, 2012 at 12:39 am

I hear ya, but it's kind of at odds with his Dukes of Hazzard obsession, don't you think?

James Michael Curley April 10, 2012 at 5:38 am

Knowledge of the personal lives of pro golfers and the Dukes of Hazard rank high on my list of “Things Senility Will Cure.” How to tie a proper Windsor and ‘never wear a white belt’ are not.

Designer_Rants April 9, 2012 at 7:33 am

White clothing, trimmed out with all hot-pink, including his driver. That was weird to me. And I think he grows his hair out like that to accentuate his Jeebus Crimbus complex — not cuz it's hip. Now, on Jeebus Day, he becomes Jeebus by winning a golf game. Hope he doesn't drown when he tests out his new water-walking abilities.

Negropolis April 8, 2012 at 10:40 pm

He's an ugly little bugger, ain't he? Looks like something straight out of Lord of the Rings. But, he plays good golf. There is something a little off about all of the South Africans. lol

DahBoner April 8, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Is there life after Schlock?

Yes.

You could order a cheap knockoff of any of Kincaid's worst paintings done in Asia, and you could even get them to add a picture of you in the painting, giving the finger or fapping.

You're welcome in advance!

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Easter Eggs: Now you know.

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm
Blueb4sunrise April 8, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Gotta chase out all the evil schlock spirits 'ere the morrow.

Koko Taylor

Biff April 8, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Rawr! Nobody growls the blues like Koko did.

BarackMyWorld April 8, 2012 at 8:44 pm
flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 9:06 pm

I wish the Republiklans would spend less time yapping about birth control and more time on birther control.

George Spelvin April 8, 2012 at 9:06 pm

But you repeat yourself.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I'm tired of the birther crap. Where was Nixon's birth certificate?

NYNYNYjr April 8, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Obama sure is being suspicious about his birth certificate. Why doesn't he just show it to us? Then we'd stop asking.

Negropolis April 9, 2012 at 7:32 am

I am so glad that they are still on this. Before the president put out his birth certificate, this may have been enough to win more votes than you'd lose pushing this bullshit, but now it seperates the crazy voter, from the a-political independent who is turned off by this through-the-looking-glass craziness.

GOP, you've chased this white rabbit about as far as you're going to chase him and still have new people following you. Jus' sayin'.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I see that Spanky stopped by to look at my profile today and probably many others. He enjoys referring to the lovely Michelle Obama as the "first ho of the United States."

Radio福井県 April 8, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Srsly, Barb, what is this clown's intent? A rather feeble attempt at intimidation? Boredom, stupidity or somehow trying to just annoy us? Aside from "All of them, Katie," this payaso is as worthless as a remote limp dildo without batteries.
So how did you do at the tables?

Barb April 8, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Happy Easter, Sugar!
I won $600.00-ish. I put it in the cookie jar for Vegas on the 26th.
Jeff said I could use my Samsung Galaxy phone to create a wi-fi hot spot to my iPad for the drive to Vegas. I can Wonk the whole way there.

HistoriCat April 8, 2012 at 9:49 pm

"Wonk the whole way there"

You realize they can pull you over for those sort of shenanigans, right?

Barb April 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm

No, Arizona doesn't bother white people. We could do just about anything and they will allow it.

Radio福井県 April 8, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Barb, not to get too tech-knuckle here, but I have Sprint, and with a few tricks other carriers, I have dropped an app called "tether" from PdaNet onto my droid and MacBook. You can get the internetz anywhere you have phone service on your Mac or iPad. For free!! I didn't believe it at first, but I have been using it for the last year and a half. One of my greatest anti-capitalist pig-dog tricks evah. Check it out — if possible on your configuration.
Mrs. Radio has used it continuously in the car for up to five hours on road trips.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Radio, is there something special I have to do here? If so, please e-mail em about it. Thanks!

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Jeffer found DIY "tether" and it seems to work. Thanks! We live to Wonk another day!

Jeffer April 9, 2012 at 12:08 am

Thanks Radio! I'm posting from the IPad tethered to the Android. It's not quite as fast as straight WiFi, but it will keep Barb Wonkin from ABQ to Vegas!

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 10:57 pm

GIve those truckers a thrill!

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Aw, the poor widdle fewwow is unhappy because he can't post at teh Wonkette because we don't agwee with him.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 9:47 pm

He goes around and has to tag each name so that we know he's watching us, lol.

Spurning Beer April 8, 2012 at 10:12 pm

He's watching me, too. I'm scared. Hold me.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I will nuzzle you until all of the fear is gone, Spurning.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I'm not scared, but hold me, too.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I always hold you in my heart. Flaming.

ElPinche April 9, 2012 at 1:05 am

Actually that's very sad since it takes quite a bit of time to do that….on a holiday even.

smashedinhat April 8, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Just remember ppl.

“We don’t use the term ‘insane’; we prefer ‘mentaly hilarious.’

Now, back to my Easter wine.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Smashed, always a pleasure to see you. Enjoy your wine.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 10:37 pm

It's Chanel Number Five and Easter chocolate.

smashedinhat April 8, 2012 at 10:40 pm

You're a pip Barb. I hope you have a jug of passable gargle in your luggage.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Smashed, have gargle, will travel.

spareme April 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm

What was he – a modern day El Greco? You'd think he was the way everyone is crying about him dying. Funny I never heard of him. I guess I'll go rip up my Art History degree, also MFA, too.

Chichikovovich April 8, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Remember when you were deciding on your last elective, and it came down to "Linear and Color perspective in Cézanne" or "Mass Produced Dreck in Late Twentieth Century Kitsch Markets"? Well, your appreciation of visual space came at the cost of not knowing who Thomas Kinkade is.

not that Dewey April 9, 2012 at 8:06 am

Mrs D went to an art school where "Mass Produced Dreck in Late Twentieth Century Kitsch Markets" was a requirement, not an elective. The faculty was populated with ex-Leo Burnett Art Directors, and they actively discouraged students from pursuing "fine" art in favor of the only art job that pays — advertising.

NYNYNYjr April 8, 2012 at 9:58 pm

RIP Morly Shaffer. Thanks for all that reporting.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Not trying to be a bitch. Did Morly die?

Spurning Beer April 8, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I believe old Morley is not dead. Not dead as a door nail.

Mike Wallace has totally bought the farm, though. At 93 years old. Somewhere in custody.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 10:54 pm

He wasn't dead earlier today.

NYNYNYjr April 9, 2012 at 12:10 am

He's not dead, but he's really old. So I'm wishing him peace.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Now the Neo-Nazi clowns based in the Detroit area who are patroling the streets of Sanford, FLA are a white civil rights group.

If I had a hammer, I'd be hittin' my head in the morning … all over the land.

George Spelvin April 8, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Apparently, I cannot get out of the weekend without at least one "Oh, for fuck's sake"."

ElPinche April 9, 2012 at 1:06 am

Is Tucker Carlson supplying water bottles and lawn chairs for these nazi fucks?

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 10:54 pm

OT: [Filed under: OBAMAPORN]
This article put a smile on my face: http://bit.ly/Ioh1Zc

I went back to scrutinize Obama’s most direct confrontation with the masters of the universe, a CNBC town hall in September 2010 where he was challenged by Anthony Scaramucci, head of Skybridge Capital and a regular CNBC commentator. Scaramucci began by reminding Obama that they had played basketball together at Harvard, but then informed him that he and his friends in finance “have felt like a piñata. Maybe you don’t feel like you’re whacking us with a stick, but we certainly feel like we’ve been whacked with a stick.”

Obama responded with a distinctly cool tone. “I have been amused over the last couple years [at] this sense of somehow me beating up on Wall Street. I think most folks on Main Street feel like they got beat up on. And I’ll be honest with you: There’s probably a big chunk of the country—hold on a second—there’s a big chunk of the country that thinks that I have been too soft on Wall Street. That’s probably the majority, not the minority.” Obama continued: “When I hear folks say that somehow we’re being too tough on Wall Street, but, after a huge crisis, the top twenty-five hedge fund managers took home a billion dollars in income that year. A billion. That’s the average for the top twenty-five! … It is a two-way street. If you’re making a billion a year after a very bad financial crisis where eight million people lost their jobs and small businesses can’t get loans, then I think that you shouldn’t be feeling put upon.” He then zeroed in on the resistance to closing the carried-interest loophole. “I have no problem having that argument with hedge fund managers, many of whom I know and went to school with. And I respect their business acumen. But the notion that somehow me saying, ‘Maybe you should be taxed more like your secretary when you’re pulling home a billion dollars or a hundred million dollars a year,’ I don’t think is me being extremist or me being anti-business.”

Man, are these hundred-millionaires and billionaires a bunch of cry babies! Further, I'm wondering how some of them made so much money in finance and trading when they don't seem to understand economics and the deficit and national debt.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Super-rich sociopaths have the boo-hoos. They'll stop whining when they're dangling from trees of the right height.

Radio福井県 April 8, 2012 at 11:54 pm

So true, so true. From Winner-Take-All Politics by Hacker & Pierson — which I cannot recommend enough to all free thinkers and my Wonketeer friends. Obama, for all his faults, knows what the deal is. From a campaign address march 27, 2008, entitled "Renewing the American Economy." And in front of some Wall Street fat cats:

We've lost some of that sense of shared prosperity. Now, this loss has not happened by accident. It's because of decisions made in board-rooms, on trading floors and in Washington. Under Republican and Democratic administrations, we've failed to guard against practices that all to often rewarded financial manipulation instead of productivity and sound business practice. We let the special interests put their thumbs on the economic scales….
The American economy does not stand still and neither should the rules that govern it…Unfortunately, instead of establishing a twenty-first century regulatory framework, we simply dismantled the old one, aided by a legal but corrupt bargain in which campaign money all too often shaped policy and watered down oversight. In doing so we encouraged a winner-take-all, anything goes environment that helped foster devastating dislocations in our economy.

Designer_Rants April 9, 2012 at 12:00 am

we've failed to guard against practices that all to often rewarded financial manipulation instead of productivity and sound business practice.

Goldman Sach's employee of the month: The Traderbot3000, making over three hundred thousand trades per second! All based on an algorithm guaranteed to erode the value of the working class' 401(k)s.

Traderbot, you'll always have a job here, at least until you've crushed all confidence in the soundness of the capital markets, at which point you'll be sold for scrap. Could be months, could be years, why am I talking to a robot, you don't have emotions.

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 10:25 am

Also, I'll stop whining when they're dangling from trees of the right height.

LetUsBray April 9, 2012 at 2:21 am

I find this post remarkably easy to masturbate to.

Negropolis April 9, 2012 at 7:46 am

Shorter Obama: You motherfuckers should be glad I hdidn't round your asses up and put you on trial.

It's crazy they don't realize that the president is the only thing that stood between them and some serious jail time. They are also lucky they live in a country that worships wealth as if it were some kind of organized religion. There is almost nothing that we won't sacrifice to Mammon. Hell, we nearly sacrificed the entire country, whole-hog, to him.

Radio福井県 April 8, 2012 at 10:55 pm

500th comment gets a Kinkade print!!

Designer_Rants April 8, 2012 at 11:00 pm

NOOOOOOOO!

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 11:06 pm

ALL of them, Katie!

Biff April 8, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Congratulations!

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:20 pm

505 comments. Looks like I lost again, lol.

George Spelvin April 8, 2012 at 11:22 pm

505th gets TWO Kinkade prints!!!!

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Lol, George. I want YOU to have my 2 prints. You owe me.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 11:23 pm

I bet D_R would gladly trade his/her/both prize for the 600 Ameros you lifted off our brown brothers earlier today.

flamingpdog April 8, 2012 at 11:26 pm

So, I guess we can assume that Rachel Rebecca and friends got the day off today while all of us had to come to work as usual.

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Flaming, what's up with that? They left us alone and without direction. We sat here with our minds all on fire with knowledge and it was just wasted. Not one of us got to respond to a comment with "drop that cross one more time and you are out of the Easter parade."

Comrade Wingtard April 8, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I had to look him up in the Google. His paintings creep me the fuck out, what, with the bizarre and tasteless use of light along with the non-euclidean geometry. In my mind, every single one has the screaming caption, "What in God's name is going on in that house?"

Barb April 8, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Comrade, the artist was afraid of the dark. He used to come home and the lights were switched off, sniff. It's remarkably difficult to reach that switch plate and click it.

Man0nTheStreet April 9, 2012 at 10:45 pm

That's because he painted Heaven as seen through the eyes of the Damned – his own!

valthemus April 9, 2012 at 2:01 am

You didn't win, Ms. Schoenkopf. DEATH won.

Death.
Always.
Wins.

[Cue Mozart's "Requiem Mass" or something else that's suitably apocalyptic like they play in movie trailers. That shit's cool.]

Negropolis April 9, 2012 at 7:42 am

Needz moar Chopin's Marche funèbre or Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings. also.

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 10:37 am

Lux Aeterna (the Requiem for a Dream instrumental), preferably the version with Nicolas Cage going bat-shit.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 9, 2012 at 3:53 am

Haha, I was staying RIGHT BESIDE Cal State Fullerton for the last four days. Also, I had to hear from someone who had considered "collecting" Kinkade.

It takes a lot of willpower to stop oneself describing it as emetic-painting with an overcoat of cynical religious horseshit only present in order to build a market.

The hummingbirds were cool.

edit: Also, Damien Hirst is a cunt. I remember him and some other fucking dickweasel whose name I forget in fucking Quo Vadis in Soho bragging about how they'd spent a day filming their anuses and would sell stills as art.

Fuck knows whatever happened with that. A quick google reveals nothing, luckily.

smashedinhat April 9, 2012 at 10:06 am

I have been pondering Radio's avatar and I am, disturbed.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 9, 2012 at 4:42 am

I'm kinda drunk and bored and about to go to bed, so I'll write a little disquisition about US education (science in particular) which I'd advise you all to ignore and wait for a Rick Santorum post.

I'm sure you've all see the new commercials about how badly the US does in Mathematics and Science in a global market. Below the UK. Below Germany. Below Poland. Below fucking Hungary, and they're an ex-communist state.

That only gives half the picture. For me, the most worrying thing about the test was that the US students scored first by a mile in confidence in their results. So you have kids who, frankly, suck fucking balls at this shit, yet they're thinking "NAILED IT!"

As an ex-pat living as a guest in your country, I should make clear that I do love this place.

Having said that, I think it's damaging to give kids the message that "you can do ANYTHING! You're an AMERICAN!" without inculcating that, uh, you really need to study your fucking ass off for school, or study at home in some subject that you're good at, or SOMETHING – there's no free ride for just being a mouthy cunt whose ability is to name movies.

The American Dream is a laudable thing. Your own property and a job to support a family. The Dream has warped in the last thirty years to being "Imma gonna be a millianoirere and illa fuck you guyz!!!" Which is extremely stupid as a goal and unattainable. That's the image of being American pushed at kids.

Now, I'm lucky enough to know a few people with a lot of money*, and they tell me it's not the money which counts. It's not even the toys that money buys, although we all have a hankering for the Ferrari or the Pebble Beach house. The people who can just buy those things say that's not important. Yes yes my skepticism is as large as yours – certainly I'm not in that league. The point I think they're trying to make is that you still have to live; whether that's looking after your kids on a day out, or travelling to Thailand and seeing what's what, it doesn't matter.

edit here: It's important to give kids breadth of mind, which is a hard thing to do. Just shoving them at afterschool programs isn't the same as showing them Mexico or Europe. I know every parent can't do this. Even teaching about it at home would make a difference. Breadth of mind leads to thirst of mind, in my opinion.

So, back to math and science. What damages this *is* the US zeitgeist of "you're american, therefore win". In that scenario, how could you lose? I detest that fuck Hannity with his "you live in the greatest country god ever gave the earth" bullshit because a country is made up of people. Ah, well, technically not, but each country has a feeling of what it is. Once a country gets to the point of "we're just us. fuck you." then there's no surprise when kids from other countries beat the shit out of your kids with technical ability.

It's thirst for knowledge and innovation which makes countries great. The US is losing that. Complacency is a killer – I've seen it in the UK.

Don't do it in the US.

* edit 2 – "lucky" isn't the right word. I happen to know people. None of the people I know with money were born with it. *I* am lucky to be smart and well-educated. Since I know *that's* luck, I'm very happy to pay far higher taxes than we do to push other people into the bracket. People who are *born* to money often don't fucking get it, imho.

Nothingisamiss April 9, 2012 at 7:21 am

Thank you.

Nothingisamiss April 9, 2012 at 7:36 am

Hey, Fukui-san…I knew something was going on with you out in the real world, but I've been unable to stay on the Wonks here for any length of time to find you. I've finally scrolled back through your comments and see that you're going through hell. I just want to add my voice to the (one assumes) chorus of "I'm sorry" and "I'm thinking about you" and "Fuck the fucking insurance companies straight to fucking hell."

Your presence around here is welcomed, and, although I've nothing to offer in the way of material help(although if we had a Wonkette barn-raising in internet space I'd be there) I want to tell you I care, I'm thinking of you both, I'm sorry.

Negropolis April 9, 2012 at 7:58 am

As an American, the only proper response to this is to shout yoou down with "USA, USA" until you are dragged away in shame or leave of your own volition.

But, to be more serious, no amount of logic will ever defeat the idea of "American Exceptionalism." We are going to have to learn the hard way what this really means before we give up this ghost; we're forcibly going to have to be laid low to let go of the hubris we've built up around this national religion. It's going to be hard to shake something that came over on the Mayflower. You know, they brought over smallpox and "divine providence"…and one of these still hasn't been cured.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 9, 2012 at 9:18 am

It also doesn't help that a large portion of the population is explicitly anti-science. Creationists are bad enough; they've made teaching biology in public schools difficult in plenty of places. And then there's the spillover–with a substantial number of people convinced that an entire field of science is built on an atheist plot to undermine God, it's comparatively easy to slide over into thinking that climate change is also an international plot to take away our SUVS and liberty.

But we feel really good about ourselves.

weejee April 9, 2012 at 10:36 am

So Fukui-san yer sayin' that if Heisenberg had been born an American he would not have been able to conger-up his Uncertainty Principle?

Man0nTheStreet April 9, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Um, wait – did you say something?

James Michael Curley April 9, 2012 at 9:42 am

So after this long weekend when some of us consumed fish and some of us consumed chopped liver and some of us wore ridiculous, over priced hats, we must bow our heads and thank Ms. Schoenkoff not just for her festive post of intellectual liberation but for her early stand against one of the talking point atrocities foisted by those who wish us to be sanguine with propelling even more than our meager bowl scrapings of rational sustenance to those of bloated visage and fetid morals whose only guiding principal is More, More, More; Andrea True notwithstanding.

larrykat April 9, 2012 at 10:07 am

What is most depressing about Kinkade's art to me is that it represents millions and millions of mouth-breathers who think it is the highest form of art possible – and they can vote and procreate, probably.

notgross April 9, 2012 at 11:13 am

I've always hoped for an editrix to come over and "correct my grammar". Something, something dangling participle.

seetimblog April 9, 2012 at 11:42 am

Jesus is apparently hiding in my mom's (fake?) Kinkade painting. An unnerving, scary Jesus…
http://seetimblog.blogspot.com/2010/10/is-jesus-l

anniegetyerfun April 9, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Dead of "natural causes" at age 54? Oh, lordy, there are so many possiblities here. I'm assuming a meth-fueled rentboy orgy with lots of auto-erotic asphyxiation is considered "natural"? I mean, in California. (Miss you, CA!)

Man0nTheStreet April 9, 2012 at 10:48 pm

As long as the librul press doesn't revel that he choked to death on a gerbil, his future marketability is as safe as empty foreclosed-open houses.

JimNauseam April 10, 2012 at 11:25 am

His San Francisco paintings are pretty cool, though.

finallyhappy April 7, 2012 at 2:14 pm

and apparently neither did that crazy lady

Barb April 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I'm waiting for the crazy lady to blame the Hamburglar for the missing ticket.

littlebigdaddy April 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Well, it would make more sense than blaming Ronald McDonald (unless it were a child sex crime, which I could totally see).

McDonnellville April 8, 2012 at 6:42 pm

In America, you don't watch the money, money watches you!

Chet Kincaid April 8, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I'm a hip and easygoing gym teacher with an afro, no relation to the shitty painter.

Radio福井県 April 8, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Peeps, Chet.

McDonnellville April 8, 2012 at 7:54 pm

"I prefer to learn from experience and to hear it from those who lived it."
I know it's just speculation on my part but I think Preston Wiginton, who has the honor of being Top Commenter, probably hasn't done either of these things.
It's just wild speculation on my part but, as we have learned from Michael Savage, it would be irresponsible of me not to wildly speculate.

not that Dewey April 8, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Preston Wingnut's "Top Commenter" status says quite a bit about Politico's commenter ranking system. I mean, intensedebate is certainly blind to the content of our comments; a popular Breitbunatic can easily earn more p-points than we have, and you wouldn't know without context whether a particular intensedebate commenter is sane or not, judging just from the score.

But this is Politico's own in-house commenter ranking system we're talking about. What possible criteria (other than the obvious RWNJ hackery of Politico) would land this guy at the top of the heap? Jeepers.

btw — McDonnellville — isn't that where IKEA builds its sweatshops?

Spurning Beer April 8, 2012 at 10:25 pm

You smell good, Barb.

Radio福井県 April 9, 2012 at 12:25 am

Dag, you guys picked that up quick. Anything to keep Barb Wonkin' to Vegas. I can't wait to see the film adaptation.
The best part about tethering is that it surely drives the telecommunicators crazy. Why get something for free when you can spend $30 a month?
You are right in one regard though, it is a bit slower, especially with vids, but nonetheless, watching Jon Stewart clips on the highway — priceless.

Barb April 9, 2012 at 12:42 am

Radio, when life's little quandaries get tough I just turn to Jeffery. He helped me to figure out the ingredients in honey mustard dipping sauce. Turns out that it was just honey and mustard, who knew?

tessiee April 9, 2012 at 9:44 am

And that wasn't even Mike Nesmith's real hat.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 9, 2012 at 10:31 am

Hyperlinks are the Devil's workshop. I know better, for instance, than to ever read anything at tvtropes.org unless I am prepared for the inevitable rabbit hole. (Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!)

flamingpdog April 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm

That's because it WOULD BE racist in their case! Stupid freepers.

Besides, there are a lot of low, beetle-browed white people out there who look a lot more chimpish than most blah people.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 9, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I see, so, yeah, the usual double standard of the Left.

(Nancy Reagan always looked particularly simian to me…)

flamingpdog April 9, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Well duh, the Left is twice as good at everything than the Right is.

Radio福井県 April 9, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Yes, tess, that was one of Queenan's better observations. I think he tortured himself for a year with American schmaltz and dreck.

Jukesgrrl April 11, 2012 at 1:00 am

You're a class act, Mr. Curley.

James Michael Curley April 11, 2012 at 6:17 am

Right back ats ya’.

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