BIGSADNESS  2:20 pm April 6, 2012

Breitbart’s Ghost: Obama Exploited Catholics By Being Endorsed By Them

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Abandon hope all ye who enter hereIt is War on Catholics Day here at your Wonkette HQ, because there is nothing Barack Obama won’t do to Ruin Easter. He hates Catholics so much that he worked for a super-anti-Catholic Catholic Cardinal, at whose Catholic-hating knee he learned to make war on Catholics in the first place. And now Ghost of Breitbart’s The Vetting Two: Moar Vettening reveals even more of his dastardly plan to make war on Catholics by working to enact the Catholics’ anti-Catholic plan for universal healthcare. (Oh yeah, even Pope Nazi, the least favorite pope of “liberal Catholics” as if there could ever even be such a thing, says nations must provide healthcare for their citizenry because it is a moral imperative and one of the “inalienable rights” of man, because he is anti-Catholic too.) Anyhoo, here is how the newest Vettening begins. (Please remove all children and pregnant ladies from the room. Viewer precaution is advised.)

In 1999, then-State Senator Barack Obama invoked the late radical Cardinal Joseph Bernardin, who passed away in 1996, to promote a universal health care law he co-sponsored and which Illinois voters had overwhelmingly rejected.

The bill incorporated language directly from the late cardinal’s 1995 pastoral letter, “A Sign of Hope,” which argued for a “fundamental right” to healthcare, reading, in part: “Health care is an essential safeguard of human life and dignity, and there is an obligation for society to ensure that every person be able to realize that right.”

You’re right, Ghost Andrew Breitbart, that is PRETTY FUCKING BAD. But is there more? There is more!

Supporters of single payer health care, like Dr. Quentin Young of Physicians for a National Health Program, understood Bernardin to be calling for a government takeover of health care. “Cardinal Bernardin wrote on the moral questions we’re talking about,” Dr. Young told the Palm Beach Post on January 4, 1998. “His concept was that human dignity requires an ethic that assures health care to all people in a society.”

Supporters of the so-called “Bernadin Amendment” quickly roped in Dr. Warren Furey, the cardinal’s personal physician and chairman of the Department of Medicine at Mercy Hospital.

The law, had it passed, would have forced the state to enact a plan that, in the Orwellian words of the Chicago Tribune, “permits everyone in Illinois to obtain decent health care on a regular basis by 2002.”

We are not sure how those words are “Orwellian.” Neither, presumably, is Charles C. Johnson, the author of this terrifying battlefield report from Obama’s Bloody Siege on the Catholic Church. What else? Blah blah blah, some dick priest endorsed it but he also “housed” Hoodie Congressman Bobby Rush, plus Jan Schakowksi’s husband went to prison once. There is not even any Critical Race Theory in this one, guys! Lame.

Anyway, it ends like this, not with a bang but a whimper:

Catholics–both liberal and conservative–now know that the price of faith in Obama: the destruction of the religious liberty in which all Americans, especially Catholics, believe.

zzzzzzz sorry, what? We have fallen asleep with sadness for what poor dead Breitbart’s “gotchas” have become. Needz moar O’Keefe proving liberal Catholics committed voter fraud by being Catholic or something we don’t know none of it even makes sense anymore. Hoppy Easter! If Obama hasn’t already OUTLAWED IT. [Breitbart'sBigSadness]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 229 comments }

freakishlywrong April 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Pay taxes, pedochristians.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

CHRISTIAN CHARITY LIBEL!

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Like Ron Paul sez: One Million Years Ago, when he was a young physician, churches paid for everyone to get medical care and the world was perfect.

V572 Hogan Gidley April 6, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Because in Obstretro-Congre-Doctor Paul's time in medical practice, available care protocols included aspirin, opium, splints, and a bullet to bite on during amputations. Affordable care for all! None of those socialist MRIs or lithotripters.

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Dr. Paul played himself, nicknamed "Sawbones", in many early TV westerns.

McDonnellville April 6, 2012 at 5:06 pm

And life expectancy was 20 years.

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm

You're not far off. http://bit.ly/Ii5Wbd

BTW, what happened to "Loaded Pants"?

ifthethunderdontgetya April 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

in the Orwellian words of the Chicago Tribune

Well, sure, look what Tribune Corp. did to the L.A. Times.

They hired fucking Jonah "Doughy Pantload" Goldberg, that's what.

Where are your memory holes now, beaches???
~

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I think the Ghost of Breitbart was referring to 1984. Goldberg is much more Animal Farm.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Interrestingly enough, Chrome's Spell Checker doesn't know Breitbart, but suggests "Breathing" (which doesn't seem appropriate), or Breastfed.

frostbitefalls April 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Doughy is a Similac baby if I ever saw one. Can you imagine Mama Lucien pulling out a dug for that child?

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm

look what Tribune Corp. did to the L.A. Times

Too true–and they actually think people will pay to look at their website. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'll miss David Lazarus, Steve Lopez, and Jane Bryant Quinn, but Jesus…

V572 Hogan Gidley April 6, 2012 at 4:15 pm

The LA Times is now the western neighborhood edition of the World's Greatest Newspaper*, the Chicago Tribune.
__________________
*Yes, that's what "WGN" stands for.

Antispandex April 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Because Jesus would be angry about healing the sick? Or, Jesus would be mad if no one made a profit healing the sick? I'm not following the "conservative christian logic" on this one.

Groupshrug April 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm

The "logic" is that Jesus did want to heal the sick, but that's what he wants churches to do, not the Government. So their reasoning is that poor people, if they need medical treatment, should get it from religious organizations.

That's as far as their logic goes. Ask them if they realize just how much money that religious organizations would have to come up with to cover the uninsured in the US and how much of their own money the will be giving to the church that they are such an active member in. Their head will explode faster than a 1960's computer asked to explain what love is.

whatupirondog April 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

The Lord has granted us the right to die from preventable diseases he created to kill us if we can't afford medicine to fight them.

PRAISE HIM

tessiee April 6, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Because if anyone, anywhere, has non-reproductive sex (including hoo-hoo checkups), it takes away all the rights of all Christians.

Gainsbourg69 April 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

The logic is simple. Your guy might be bigger than the free market up there, but the free market is bigger than your guy down here.

MrFizzy April 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Cardinal Fuxboyzintheass would not approve.

Ruhe April 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Ah, Dr. Quentin Young. I used to live in Chicago and that guy was on the local NPR all the time. As eloquent and determined a spokesman for the rationality of universal, single payer coverage as there ever was.

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 2:46 pm

He was acquitted of a series of archdiocese bombings on a technicality!1!!!!

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 2:51 pm

And he knew somebody who knew Bill Ayers!

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

He procured and tuned vibraphones for Roy Ayers!!

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 3:14 pm

On a trip to Australia he visited Ayers Rock!!!

unclejeems April 6, 2012 at 6:55 pm

And now admits the Ayers of his ways.

johnnyzhivago April 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Don't you think if God wanted us to take care of the sick and weak he would have put that in the Bible?

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Next they'll be wanting us to be excellent to each other. The horror!

Biff April 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I thought marvelous was the fabulous superlative du jour?

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 7:24 pm

When's Romney just gonna give it up and wear a monocle? You know he wants to.

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm

That would be so awesome. Then I'd get to call him Mr. Peanut.

nounverb911 April 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Has Romney baptized this Putz yet?

MrFizzy April 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

He dips it in Noxema every day – does that count?

Thedongsofwar April 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Little does Obama know that turning wafers into holy flesh while inside your body is the most sound health care of all!

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 7:27 pm

And it costs a helluvalot less than the E.R. (financially speaking, probably. Not factoring in the emotional costs of your child's ass rapings, and grifting charges [donations] may vary).

slithytoves April 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Universal healthcare is, by definition, catholic. The pope hisself should be kissing Obama's feet.

Biff April 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I don't think nazi pope has a Nobel Peace Prize, does he? No, he does not!

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Maybe the No Bella Pizza Prize?

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 7:54 pm

He might have one of These. That's just as good, right?

Madam Killjoy April 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm

This deserves at least 1,000 up-fists.

Madam Killjoy April 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I wonder how many "friends" I'd loose if I posted your first sentence on my Facebook page for my Happy Good Friday message; the flame war would totes be worth it if I didn't have to work with the stupid neanderthals.

slithytoves April 6, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Madam, on this Good Friday, I wish you energies of gratitude from a former Catholic, not lapsed, more importantly a former Catholic theologian. There is nothing I learned more in my many years of study than that the theology of the faith can never win against its politics. Alas, a lot of folks don't know the difference – but a great many do.
Happy Against Death Day!

Madam Killjoy April 6, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I am not really a lapsed Catholic but, well, I was baptized in the Church but was raised "without a religion" by two lapsed Catholics and their lapsed Catholic Grandmothers. I cross myself on the rare occasions that I pray (I feel like it's my "over and out" with God) and I say a Hail Mary faster than the speed of light on a bad flight, but beyond that I don't have a home in the church. The only reason my Italian grandmother loved the Church was because of the Blessedvirginmary. She left because no man in a silly hat in Rome was going to tell her that she had to have 12 kids and die before the second eldest (that survived) got married, like her own mom. My grandfather had the same complaint: "Who does that Pope think he is?!" I didn't have the heart to tell them they were Protestants. Wow, way too long, not at snarky. *Ahem* Happy Against Death Day, to you, too, slithytoves! And many more!

slithytoves April 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Slithytoves loves ya. The Real, kickass goddess does, too (Mary. Ishtar, Morning Star. etc.)

johnnyzhivago April 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I'm not 100% sure but isn't that a younger Vladimir Putin (with a hairpiece) in the picture with Nobama?

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

No, it's Father Michael Pfleger, Chicago archdiocese rabble-rouser, who is always adopting kids and marching with blahs and Messicans. Last seen nationally making fun of Hillary Clinton in the pulpit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mg4P6dLFUkQ
http://articles.cnn.com/2008-05-30/politics/obama

Radio福井県 April 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Wow, this incredible revelation will just crucify the Abortionist in Chief.

LastGasp April 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

“… permits everyone in Illinois to obtain decent health care on a regular basis by 2002.”

That's Orwellian?

OneYieldRegular April 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

You're just not picking up on the sophisticated, ironic, metafictional nuance. It's an Orwellian reading of Orwell.

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Oh, like the true irony in the song Ironic is saying things which aren't ironic, are, and it's then compounded by people pointing out the things said to be ironic, aren't, ironically missing the meta-irony?

johnnyzhivago April 6, 2012 at 3:02 pm

What is this, New York Review of Books???

This is Wonkette, let's get back to trucknutz and things blowing up.

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I find this transgressive comment deliciously piquant.

starfanglednut April 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Butt secks!

MissNancyPriss April 6, 2012 at 4:58 pm

AHA!

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Things Blowing Up, you say?

"TruckNuts on a Nova I know, I know
It's Serious."

Also.

Ruhe April 6, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Totally right. What could be more Orwellian (in the Winston-Smith-School-of-editing sense) than describing an opponent's statements in a way that actually best describes your own inaccurate description? Okay, I'm dizzy now.

Lascauxcaveman April 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Yeah, I remember Orwell being a lot scarier sounding.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Hey, I came across some 10 y.o. Ardbeg. It's an outstanding Islay and my newest favorite thing.

Thanks!

Dashboard Buddha April 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Not really…calling that statement Orwellian is Orwellian though

mavenmaven April 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

You don't understand the secret code? Where's my blackboard- ok, here goes:
Quentin Young hints at Andrew Young, black person.
Warren Furey reminds the base of Nick Fury, one eyed black man from the movies.
QED "health care" is really a black conspiracy to make America not great anymore.

tessiee April 6, 2012 at 5:55 pm

"QED "health care" is really a black conspiracy to make America not great anymore."

OK, wait a minute…
If Obama and his soshulist pals force us all to have soshulized medicine, that will force everyone to have abortions — women, men, babbies, cats, dogs, parakeets, everybody…
I got that.
But it will also force the blahs to have NO abortions, so that they can outnumber the Real Amurrcans and overrun the country, thereby making Amurrica not great anymore?
Also, what about the messicans, and such, also too?

weejee April 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

There Hugo again Madame Editrix. Just a hunch, but it seems your Inquisition needz better Inquasimodos, with the rack & all to straighten out the fallen.

starfanglednut April 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm

And the comfy chair.

el_donaldo April 6, 2012 at 2:28 pm

“His concept was that human dignity requires an ethic that assures health care to all people in a society.”

Supporters of single payer health care, like Dr. Quentin Young of Physicians for a National Health Program, understood Bernardin to be calling for a government takeover of health care.

Proving once again my basic thesis: a lot of conservative talking points come from just really poor reading comprehension. The rest, of course, come from being dicks.

BornInATrailer April 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I haven't seen a haunting this lame since Ghost Dad.

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Ghost Dad haunts my email. http://bit.ly/HWS6RJ

McDonnellville April 6, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I guess his point was he was just tired of being told things. Did I get that right?

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Breitbart will come back as Beetleuice. You'll see.

McDonnellville April 6, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Just say Breitbart's name 3 times & he'll appear.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm

What!? No! Don't!!

McDonnellville April 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I should have said not to do that, I know. Breitbart might tempt people with a Zagnut (maybe that's how he lured James O'Keefe?).

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I hope Breitbart looks as good and as less-coked-out as Beetlejuice, anyway.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Not a chance.

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 9:45 pm

The Cosby libel!

But, really, corny movie is adoringly corny.

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Well, it's no Leonard Part 6.

Seriously, I liked that movie when I was age-appropriate.

OneYieldRegular April 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Because nothing says "religious liberty" like sick people unable to access care?

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

But of course–that way, they're only recourse will be to beg God to heal them.

Jesus is saying "JFC, WTF with these people?"

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Supporters of the so-called “Bernadin Amendment” quickly roped in Dr. Warren Furey, the cardinal’s personal physician

WAAAAY too much sex in this line for me.

bondage
furries/yiffing
priest/boy QED boochit
playing doctor

el_donaldo April 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

needs moar latex nurse

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

True, but what doesn't?

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Needz moar blow-up dolls. And I mean dolls that actually BLOW UP!

keinsignal April 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm

When talking about somebody who is unpleasant, annoying, or just overwhelmingly boring, I've long been fond of stealing HH Munro's line, "He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death".

Breitbart may be the first counterexample I've ever run across.

Lascauxcaveman April 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I like him better this way.

FakaktaSouth April 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I wonder what it is about Republicans that they are all so full of believing in mind control. I guess if I had spent the last 50 yrs mind fucking every American I came in contact with I'd believe too? But I swear, the ablity to make people do stuff should result in much better (funner? Nakeder?) situations than just a bunch of people dying because they've got no health insurance.

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

“Cardinal Bernardin wrote on the moral questions we’re talking about,” Dr. Young told the Palm Beach Post on January 4, 1998. “His concept was that human dignity requires an ethic that assures health care to all people in a society.”

Ye Gods, No!

I can see why the Briefarters panties are in a wad after readiing that pinko dreck. Human Dignity is not an American Value. We're way too egg-ceptional' (in honor of Easter) for such mamby-pamby pursuits.

b[redact]opple April 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I lived in Chicago when Bernardin died — apparently he was some sort of god there, and everyone referred to him as "Joseph Cardinal Bernardin," which I guess is the correct order among churchy people. I don't remember anyone calling him radical.

anniegetyerfun April 6, 2012 at 3:20 pm

They keep using that word. I do not think it means what they think it means.

Limeylizzie April 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I was there when he died , as well, in Chicago , that is, and I never heard ANYONE refer to him as "radical" either. WTF?

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 5:44 pm

You can't be a Catholic Cardinal and be "radical". That they think they can bullshit their way past this simple fact shows how intellectually and ethically bankrupt the Breitbart shit is.

Limeylizzie April 6, 2012 at 5:54 pm

He was very beloved among the most normal of Chicago's Catholics, that I do remember.

Gainsbourg69 April 6, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Theyre trying their hardest to pick off as many Catholics away from the democrats as they can, but they're not going to do it by making the flock decide between food stamp Jesus and free market Jesus. I wish Breitbart would've stayed a live a few more days to see how Obama turned that religious freedom bullshit into an ass kicking for the republicans.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Perhaps it is " Orwellian" in the sense that they both use words in the English language.

Schmannnity April 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Obama exploited Catholics by being endorsed by them. That's as ironic as Bush exploited right wing conservatives by being endorsed by them.

Guppy April 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Can we trade in President Obama for State Senator Obama? I think I like him better.

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Can we trade in the 2011 Congress for the 2009 Congress? "Like and dislike" don't pass bills.

Guppy April 6, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Once the Congress becomes a lame duck it does!

ifthethunderdontgetya April 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Don't pardon President Drone Strike for what Right-wing Dickheads in Congress do, Chet.

He is them.
~

BarackMyWorld April 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I had no idea Obama wanted to pass laws to get people health insurance! Thanks for the tip, internets!

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I refuse to state an opinion until Monsignor Guido Sarducci weighs in on the matter.

An_Outhouse April 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Catholics love to be crucified. It makes them feel like Jesus.

gullywompr April 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
PERMITTING EVERYONE IN ILLINOIS TO OBTAIN DECENT HEALTH CARE ON A REGULAR BASIS IS DEATH

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Decent healthcare doupleplusungood!

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Crimethink!

Radio福井県 April 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

God had his only begotten son enhanced interrogated and murdered to show his mercy.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I think they all need to attend Room 101 101.

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 3:37 pm

We have always been at war with universal healthcare.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I bet George Orwell had to take a minute and rest his hand after writing the last one there.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Just think how hard it was to carve into the marble at the Ministry of Truth!

McDonnellville April 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

OPPRESSION (especially of the gay & womenfolk) IS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY

SayItWithWookies April 6, 2012 at 2:51 pm

At least Andrew Breitbart had the courage of his convictions when he resisted getting healthcare to the very end.

BornInATrailer April 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I just had a lolattack!

MissNancyPriss April 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm

When are the toxicology reports going to be released? i need to know if i am being accurate in my painting him as a "coke whore".

McDonnellville April 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

To be fair, it's hard to dial 911 when you've blacked out from a night of drinking.

Mahousu April 6, 2012 at 2:51 pm

The Chicago Tribune's words are indeed Orwellian – the Orwell of How the Poor Die, to be specific.

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Ghost Breitbart finds The Road To Wigan Pier to be excellent autoerotic material. So much so that he's never yet reached the second half.

teebob2000 April 6, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Well, at least I know what fire cupping is now.

donner_froh April 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Dr. Quentin Young in the news again. A real Chicago golden oldie. Next these right wing idiots will try to make Bill Ayers relevant…

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I've got nothing. Any attempt at parody would produce something less moronic than the original. Such a remarkable feat of letters: sentences that snark themselves.

Boy, do those guys miss Breitbart. Who would have imagined that he was actually "the smart one".

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I'm with you, Chich. This writing should be imbedded in polyester resin and saved for future generations as a shining, cautionary example of Stupidity in Writing.

Big Government. How long do we have until the staff hit the Behavioral Sink and start eating each other? Weeks, Days?

Gainsbourg69 April 6, 2012 at 7:20 pm

The well will soon dry up and all their readers have to look forward to are hacks like O'queefe and lesser hacks than him.

Deportably_Jose April 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Catholics–both liberal and conservative–now know that the price of faith in Obama: the destruction of the religious liberty in which all Americans, especially Catholics, believe.

Actually, the religious liberty that I believe in would explicitly preclude employers from coercing their employees into following their own religious observances against said employees' wishes, so the non-controversy that this guy's trying to invoke would actually be an example of protecting that liberty.

Wait, what am I saying, this is a Breitbart site; I'm pretty sure the counter-argument is that I'm not really "American", on account of being liberal and also too brown.

JustPixelz April 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The argument against universal healthcare comes right from Jesus, who only healed people who had health insurance.

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Interesting fact: The story of Jesus driving the demons out of the possessed men and into the pigs is incomplete. Archaeologists have recently found older versions of all three synoptic Gospels, and in each one the insurance companies refuse to pay, so Jesus sends the demons right back to the men. Repossesses them, so to speak.

Dr. Nick Riviera April 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

*golf clap*

MissNancyPriss April 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Yup, that's what I was taught in Unitarian Sunday School.

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

in the Orwellian words of the Chicago Tribune, “permits everyone in Illinois to obtain decent health care on a regular basis by 2002.”

Well, Orwell was a democratic socialist. So those are indeed Orwellian words.

Dr. Nick Riviera April 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Jesus should have charged that blindy 10000 shekels for healing him. Don't even get me started on that deadbeat Lazarus.

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Lazarus was an indian giver! He gave up his ghost and then took it back.

Lascauxcaveman April 6, 2012 at 5:07 pm

LOL, "dead"beat Lazarus! Perfection.

iburl April 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I love how all these WASPs suddenly give a shit about Catholics when it helps Santorum or hurts Obama.

Gainsbourg69 April 6, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Isn't it funny how they made up a big to do about religious freedom thinking that they could undercut Obama's support among Catholics? What I love the most about this culture war misfire of their is that they've given Obama the female vote on a silver platter. That's a double fuck you for them.

qwerty42 April 6, 2012 at 3:14 pm

From the site:
n 1999, then-State Senator Barack Obama invoked the late radical Cardinal Joseph Bernardin, who passed away in 1996, to promote a universal health care law he co-sponsored and which Illinois voters had overwhelmingly rejected.

The bill incorporated language directly from the late cardinal’s 1995 pastoral letter, “A Sign of Hope,” which argued for a “fundamental right” to healthcare, reading, in part: “Health care is an essential safeguard of human life and dignity, and there is an obligation for society to ensure that every person be able to realize that right.” …
(emphasis mine)
"Radical"? John Paul II put this guy in, so was JP2 a commie traitor as well?

commiegirl April 6, 2012 at 3:19 pm

yes.

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 3:22 pm

JP2 named himself after JP1, who had half-named himself after John XXIII, the most anti-Catholic man in history.

So, yeah, JP2 is as bad as Stalin, Hitler, Mao and Sandra Fluke rolled into one.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

JP1 was one helluva fuel.

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Pfft, it's all about the JP-8.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm

JP A-OK!

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

JP1 named himself after the previous two popes, John and then Paul. I kind of figured after he died that the next pope would be Pope Paul John Paul, but I guess JP2 didn't see it that way.

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I had been hoping for John Paul George Ringo myself. But JP2 didn't give either of us our wish. No fun at all, that guy.

doloras April 6, 2012 at 7:15 pm

JP1 was killed by the Mafia for trying to clean up the Vatican Bank. SOCIALIST!

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I remember back when the pope pulled off that 720 McTwist with the neon hat. It was radical.

Dr. Nick Riviera April 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Add "Orwellian" to the list of words and phrases RWers do not understand. It is now among friends like "Socialism" "Scientific Theory" "Evolution" "Freedom of Speech" …

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm

You forgot "irony".

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Jesus healed a leper and all of a sudden he was out of a Primo Begging gig, became an unemployable Ex-leper and a drag on Society. That goes to prove that Universal Health Care hurts people.

I saw it in a movie so it must be true.

doloras April 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

"There's no pleasing some people."

"That's just what Jesus said!"

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Attention rightwing shitstains: YOU DO NOT GET TO INVOKE GEORGE ORWELL. He would have hated everything you assholes believe in.

Animal Farm and Nineteen Eighty-Four were the works of a socialist who considered the Soviet Union a betrayal of socialism, not the works of a McCarthyite red-baiter who thought that Free Markets would save the world.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm

They don't even read the books. They just quote someone who's quoted someone who's quoted someone else. These are the same people who adopted the Who's Won't get Fooled Again and Springteen's Born in the USA as Right Wing Anthems.
Never Mind The Lyrics, Here's the Sux People.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Make sure this memo gets to President Drone Strike.
~

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Please stop trolling.

Deportably_Jose April 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I've noticed a resurgence of this lately, where every right-winger declares [Dystopian Novel of the Moment] SHOWS THE DANGERS OF BIG GOVERNMENT and that's the level of analysis any book's message ever warrants. Because Liberals are statists and love government for its own sake, and that's totally what the left-right divide is actually about (thank you Jonah Goldberg)

The latest is over the Hunger Games, which, forget the part about how the obvious first-world Capital's exploitation of the third-world-ish Districts, forget the critique of mass media as a modern bread-and-circuses, forget the considered study of torture, warfare, and PTSD, especially in the later books, forget the part where the opening chapters frame the collapse of the historic United States as linked to "drought and rising seas" (read: global warming); the only important part is Because Big Government. And also too, the main character poaches to feed her family, which is totally the same as shooting wolves from helecopters.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I used Ursula K LeGuin's "The Ones Who Walked Away From Omelas" in a couple of classes, and always had to argue with students who thought the story was a condemnation of "communism," and were very resistant to the notion that the suffering child might represent, just maybe, people being exploited for the sake of cheap consumer crap. Pity that Mike Daisey's story on Apple workers was such fatally flawed reportage–it would make an excellent classroom pairing with LeGuin.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I thought the Dispossed was pretty clever too, in Shevek's reactions as an outsider to what he saw as the excesses of the societies of Urras.
That's a chunk of a book to teach a class with, though.

starfanglednut April 6, 2012 at 4:50 pm

That is such a great story.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm

One of my favorites, as a youth. I liked this and I thought Atlas Shrugged was a boring hackneyed bag of crap. Even then.

Dennis: "We're an Anarcho-Syndicalist Commune…"
King Arthur: "Shut up!"

OOPS – referencing The Dispossed obv. I just read "The Ones Who Walked Away From Omelas" online about a month ago and it really is a great story.

Radio福井県 April 6, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Ayers, Wright, Rezko, Alinsky and Bernadine…..Crucify him!!!1!

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Breitbart's still dead, right? Just checking.

Anybody see the Tox report?

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

You know, between Hannity and Breitbart's Ghost, I'm starting to think these people do not know what the word "vetting" means.

Terry April 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

The Breitbarters need to mosey over to <a href="http://www.vatican.va” target=”_blank”>www.vatican.va and search on the term "health care". Let's see what the current Pope, certainly a big old liberal socialism mooslim and someone I dislike for other reasons, had some stuff to say:

"Unfortunately the fact that still today many of the world’s populations have no access to the resources they need to satisfy their basic needs, particularly with regard to health care, is still a problem. It is necessary to work with greater commitment at all levels to ensure that the right to health care is rendered effective by furthering access to basic health care."

Deportably_Jose April 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Counterpoint: the current pope is a well-known National Socialist, so this basically just proves Jonah Goldberg's and various Lesser Pantloads' point about how liberals the real fascists.

SheriffJoeBiden April 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Thank you, The Vettening, for fearlessly shining your Truth Light on the President's many unremarkable, anodyne, totally acceptable past associations! We the People demand a real scandal, Mr. President! We are FED UP with all your tame friendships with good people! FED UP!

MadBrahms April 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

This just in: Obama once ate a sandwich at a table next to Angela Davis. And he gave her his ketchup.

SheriffJoeBiden April 6, 2012 at 4:36 pm

This is all part of his plan to force the Catholic church to give out free condiments.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm

That's OK, ketchup is for commies now anyway. Ranch dressing is the new 'ketchup'.

Maman April 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Nice touch using the picture of the President with Fr. Michael Pfleger a priest so liberal he made Cardinal Bernardin look like a reactionary.

Sassomatic April 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Didn't Obama decree that all Catholic nuns take birth control pills and have weekly abortions? I thought that's what I heard.

Jus_Wonderin April 6, 2012 at 4:13 pm

At a funeral I attended this week, the kindly Reverend slid into the "Jesus/Lazarus" story. In my mind I was SCREAMING "No, no, no you di'nt…this poor family has lost their son and you are saying that…if only Jesus were to stick his hands in that box, poor Charles could live again????"

Am I wrong to think that that is a poor parable to tell when the deadone is a mere 6 feet away?

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 4:22 pm

No.

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Nobama is fortified with Pinko Slime!!!11!!

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 4:37 pm

So, Ghost Breitbart is making him stronger?

You could be on to something, actually…

MadBrahms April 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Not decent healthcare, NO! We mustn't let people have that, unless they earn it! DECENCY IS ONLY FOR THE RICHERS.

…seriously, people can actually say these things? And no one on the right says "that's some pretty fucked up shit, man"?

BlueStateLibel April 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

This changes everything! (Yawn.)

Serolf_Divad April 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm

The law, had it passed, would have forced the state to enact a plan that, in the Orwellian words of the Chicago Tribune, “permits everyone in Illinois to obtain decent health care on a regular basis by 2002.”

We are not sure how those words are “Orwellian.”

They are "Orwellian" dear Rebecca, because claiming to offer "decent health care on a regular basis" is NEWSPEAK for "the law will require all women of child-bearing age to abort three fetuses for every baby they wish to bring into this world."

Catholics–both liberal and conservative–now know that the price of faith in Obama: the destruction of the religious liberty in which all Americans, especially Catholics, believe.

Ah yes, the Catholic Church is famous for its embrace of religious liberty. Isn't that what the Inquisition and the Index of Forbidden Books was all about?

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 5:05 pm

You would almost think that Chicago isn't the 3rd largest population center in this country, and therefore there isn't a huge population that would find these attempted smears incredibly laughable from direct experience.

Limeylizzie April 6, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Plus it has the best fucking hotdogs in the world, God I miss them.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

The best fucking hotdogs? I see what you did, or didn't, do there, Ll.

Warwhatgoodfor April 6, 2012 at 6:02 pm

People in Chicago will believe anything you want them to if you slip them $20. Used to be a five spot, but inflation…

glamourdammerung April 6, 2012 at 5:31 pm

So, got about 2 weeks for those toxicology results on Breitbart to come in.

weejee April 6, 2012 at 8:14 pm

An early guess: N-methyl-1-phenylpropane-2-amine

Toot-a-loo Andy.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Nasty. I'm glad that wasn't in Smell-O-Vision.

I'll bet Ol' Andy had enough Dinero that benzoylmethylecgonine was in the mix, as well as Limbaugh's Favorite: (5R,9R,13S,14S)-4,5α-epoxy-14-hydroxy-3-methoxy-17-methylmorphinan-6-one.

Anticipation!

weejee April 6, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Ahhhh, hillbilly heroin.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I'll bet there's a good chance those were Breitbart's exact last words.

Generation[redacted] April 6, 2012 at 5:38 pm

In related news, Breitbart is still dead.

iburl April 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm

"the destruction of the religious liberty in which all Americans, especially Catholics, believe."

Umm, why do Catholics "especially" believe in religious liberty? Is it because Catholicism is ALMOST as deserving of religious liberty as America's official state religion of protestantism? And not "especially" Muslins or Jewz because they are so clearly undeserving of religious liberty in the USA, and so why even try?

Warwhatgoodfor April 6, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Catholics believe in religious freedom? I need a bible verse for this one. I mean, for real?

Spurning Beer April 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Oy, dayenu already!

Radio福井県 April 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm

What is more Orwellian here? A single payer system that would cost every American 2/3 less what they pay now, with better outcomes? ZOMG, what a radical, Marxist notion.
Or a system where the avaricious middleman Health Insurers AND Health Systems continue to rake it in while the oldz get Health Stamp Coupons?

Generation[redacted] April 6, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Freedom (from government mandate) is slavery (to corporate profits).

No, nothing Orwellian there.

Chi_town_Vinny April 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Hey – why run a picture with Father Pfleger and not even mention him in the story. The picture should be good for at least a couple of lines about the radical priest (and a South Side guy).

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

See above or below, depending on which end is up.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm

All this religious talk today is enough to turn anyone into an egg-nostic.

ElPinche April 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Breaking news: Andrew Breitbart is still dead.

Veritas78 April 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm

It goes without saying that this post is immutably fap-proof. Bill Donohue would be proud.

Any chance of posting those two gay cuties again?

ttommyunger April 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm

You can have my Carcinomas when you pry them from my cold, dead hands!

Blueb4sunrise April 6, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Okay, okay. I'll post a trenchant comment so they put up a new thread.
Hmmmm, gimme a minute hour.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Try something with BALLS. They seem to like that sort of thing.

Blueb4sunrise April 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Hey C_R_.
Is there some kinda Judeo and /or Christian thing going on?
with BALLS?!!!?!?!

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 8:29 pm

I'm a Pastafarian, so it's all a mystery to me. The Censers that the Catholic church uses are BALL -shaped if that helps.

Blueb4sunrise April 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

That's right. Ramen.
I remember that from when I was dragged around as a child. Also some penis shaped thing that sprays something out the end when they shake it.

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Hey Wonkette, I pulled this out of the memory hole for you. This is the "dick priest" you've forgotten, that you actually posted about in 2008:
http://wonkette.com/400031/meet-barack-obamas-cra
http://wonkette.com/400058/father-pfleger-apologi

Nowadays, I'm sure you'd know something of his rad cred beyond just the buffoonery in this clip, right? Of course, it happened in Chicago instead of on the left or right coast, so who really gives a shit?

Deportably_Jose April 6, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Honestly, even if that was somehow Orwellian, I'd still choose Orwell over Kafka.

weejee April 6, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Psst, Mittens is a cockroach, too, also.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Balls.

That is all.

ttommyunger April 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

You can have my Carcinomas when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Rebecca,

There really are a lot of "liberal Catholics". A whole helluva lot of them, in fact, and for many decades, and often times on the very frontline of socially liberal movements. Jus' sayin'. It's really unfortunate that they haven't been as vocal in the past few decades as their conservative brethren, but they still exist in numbers.

I know it comes as a surprise to some, but Santorum is even a minority amongst Catholics. That guy is like an Opus Dei Catholic, a Shia Catholic, a Mel Gibson Catholic, if you will.

iburl April 6, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Yeah, as an attendee of Catholic services through my youth, Santorum is nothing like any Catholic I ever met in church. Except the drinking at noon and the unpleasant associations with butt-sex.

mrblifil April 6, 2012 at 10:09 pm

How's that toxicology report coming along anyway?

DahBoner April 8, 2012 at 11:04 am

You would think that an organization run by Gay men for hundreds of years would be more liberal…

lulzmonger April 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Troll Fu: this lacks it.

As a rare libtard comment there points out, going right back to the exact same "ZOMG LOOK AT HOW RADICAL OBAMA WAS AS A YOUNG USURPER-IN-TRAINING!!!!!111111!!!" routine that they lost with in 2008 is pretty much the definition of insanity stone cold stupidity.

George Spelvin April 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

He probably cheered for Gale Sayers!!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Come on, now, you're both just putting on Ayers.

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 4:01 pm

This thread has so many lAyers.

Lascauxcaveman April 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm

And we'll remember Cardinal Bernardin in our prAyers.

GOPCrusher April 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Well duh. We are talking about Chicago.

teebob2000 April 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

You're all being a bit unfAyer(s).

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 9:39 pm

For his support of single pAyer(s).

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Comment of the WEEK!!!

In that I've gone a whole week at teh Wonkette without seeing the words "butt secks" even once.

'Course now with the new Prettyface regime, I can't read all the posts no more, neither.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Plookers!

johnnyzhivago April 6, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Now that's ENTERTAINMENT!!!

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

At Your Service!

Don't try this at home, Kids. I know of at least one microwave that had it's door blown off with this egg stunt. For real.

McDonnellville April 6, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I just got tired of the name & I like change. So I decided on something a little more *ahem* mature. Now I'm trying to find just the right pic to go along with the new alias.

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I like your avatar too. It looks familiar to me, like it's from "Labryinth", or one of them muppet movies.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Yikes! I hope that's not what it sounds like. Were your parents there?

Blueb4sunrise April 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Sometimes. There were usually hundreds of other people though. Fancy-dressed dude walked around spraying them all.

Just took a peak at Balloon J. there's an ad on the left for 'Concealed Carry Report' , and 'Submit a Prayer Request' on the right.

V572 Hogan Gidley April 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

“I don’t think he’s gonna make it, Matt.” “Do what you can for him, Doc. Miss Kitty, why don’t you suck his dick once before he dies?”

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

What a handy combination.

I grew up Episcopalian, so we didn't get into all that spraying, wafer eating, holy water spraying thing though it looked cool and the churches were awesome.

It never took either, obviously.

Blueb4sunrise April 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm

New thread . A hour. !!!!

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 9:12 pm

WOOHOO Let's go!

Hey, there's two!

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 9:48 pm

No. You know what he does:

He eats all the munchies, drinks all your booze, does all the drugs, vomits everywhere and then yells BEHAAAAAVE YOURSELF! BEHAAAAAVE YOURSELF! BEHAAAAAVE YOURSELF! STOP RAPING PEOPLE!

It's a total drag and it tends to really spoil house parties.

trampndirtdown April 6, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Carter Libel!

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