Arizona Lawmaker Fears Highway Bill Will Lead To One North American Country, Currency Called The ‘Amero’

by Liz Colville

FLAG TIE

On Thursday, in the revolutionary desert of this nation, an Arizona lawmaker by the name of David Stevens, a Republican representing Sierra Vista, refused to support a highway bill that would fund the creation of a new highway from Phoenix to Las Vegas (nay, may all roads lead there!) — not because of the gambling and the free watered-down drinks and the boobies, but because of CANADA! The beautiful country with the population the size of California gets blamed for everything. Stevens, who clearly knows what he wants and proclaims it on his neckties, says that this bill is just a gateway to Canada. It’s true, there is basically a “Canamex highway” that leads from Nogales, on the Mexican border, to wherever on the Canadian border, and this proposed I-11 is the missing link. But according to Stevens, it is also the last piece of a puzzle called, let’s say, the New North American Order, in which the United States and Canada join as one, under one god and currency! “You may have heard the term ‘Amero’…” Stevens recently told his colleagues. WE HAVE NOT. WHAT IT IS?

Stevens’ argument, which we get in appropriately tipsy-sounding fits and starts courtesy of the Arizona Star:

There’s been an attempt over the years to build what’s called the Canamex Highway…

There are people at this point who want to try to make North America one country…

“You may have heard the term ‘Amero’”…

Apparently the “Amero” is a conspiratorially fake currency that would be like the Euro, except for the U.S. and Canada (Canadians would never go for it!! The exchange rate right now is too hilariously great!) Stevens is convinced that Arizona’s I-11 is the only thing standing in the way of some kind of joint conciliatory government run by Mitt Romney and Stephen Harper OH CHRIST NO WE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.

Stevens:

I am a member of the United States of America. I do not want to be a member of a North American country.

Daviiiiiid.

If you go back in history and see the other highways they’ve tried (to connect the countries), you see what happens.

Hmm yes. Spaniards are able to travel to France for vacation. And the French to Switzerland. And the Hungarians to Slovakia. Truly awful.

Stevens wisely pointed to Texas as an example of a state that has proudly fought back against similar legislation. Stevens’ relatively less paranoid (but still batshit) colleagues did not agree with Stevens about this in the least, Texas reference notwithstanding, and on Thursday Governor Jan Brewer, by all accounts a reasonable person, signed the bill into law, so that people who get lost on the way to/from Las Vegas may end up in Phoenix and bring some accidental “commerce” to Arizona. Canada, you’re safe for now! [Arizona Daily Star]

 
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{ 204 comments }

ifthethunderdontgetya April 6, 2012 at 1:53 pm

…— not because of the gambling and the free watered-down drinks and the boobies

VEGAS LIBEL!

Those drinks were not watered down, and I have the hangovers to prove it.
~

littlebigdaddy April 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

The boobies weren't real, though.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 6, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Build the danged Canadian fence already! They talk funny and their bacon isn't really bacon!

GhostBuggy April 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

As a resident of the Great Border State of Michigan, I can testify to the relative comfort the network of anti-Canadian moats known as the Great Lakes provides. Of course, there are still connections, and there has been a recent infestation of Tim Horton's joints popping up 'round these parts.

Hey Horton, hear this: Take your delicious, reasonably priced coffee and GIT!

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

The trouble is that thanks to generous campaign contributions, there will only be a fence if Matty Maroun gets to own it.

GhostBuggy April 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

You've got to hand it to that guy. To have the balls to suggest, in court, that the government should not be allowed to construct a border crossing with another country on the basis that he'd really rather just have everyone use the one he owns…

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 3:50 pm
Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Build the danged bridge!

Honestly, I need a T-shirt with that on it. Looks like this may be the year that Snyder just goes around the legislature. It'd be the only thing he's done right as governor.

you want to know what's crazy? The Red Republican Ohio legislature passed a resolution the other day calling on the Michigan legislature to approve the bridge. Ohio, for heaven's sake; a state that doesn't want to have anything to do with us, ever. This just doesn't happen. lol

Build the danged bridge!

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm

That sounds aboot right, eh?

Barb April 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm

If we are all one nation called "North America" it will stop the Canadian people from calling we in the U.S.A. "upper Mexicans" from now on. Build the highway!

JustPixelz April 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Easy for you new messicans in the land of enchantment to be all "we are family". Here in Hartford, half the population originated in Puerto Rico. Which means they know what's happening on Univision. I, um, forgot what my point is.

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Don't worry; we did, too. lol

nounverb911 April 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm

"I am a member of the United States of America. I do not want to be a member of a North American country."
Don't they teach geography in AZ?

JohnnyQuick April 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

WTF "members" also??? After they outlaw aboarshun are we gonna have to pay the Kochs a membership fee every time we get born?

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ April 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

He must live in one of Obama's 57 states. One of them is Kenya.

qwerty42 April 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Don't they teach geography in AZ?
They teach *REAL* geography in AZ, not that moozlim soshulistical kind.

Biff April 6, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Not since they turned their clocks back to the 1800's, no.

kateinmt April 6, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Well, they used to, but lately, in fear of having "ethic studies" included in the curriculum, they're afraid people will figure out America was named for Amerigo Vespucci, a clearly non-white, blonde, blue-eye pure American. And neither are the Natives.

WABishop April 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

So Mexico and Canada aren't currently connected by paved roads?

George Spelvin April 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Yeah, I wonder how it is these clowns have never heard of I-5.

Tengu April 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Yes finally, a patriot willing to speak out against the idea of highways connecting areas!

SexySmurf April 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm

But according to Stevens, it is also the last piece of a puzzle called, let’s say, the New North American Order, in which the United States and Canada join as one

But Canada finally got rid of Bieber; why would they want him back?

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm

"I am a member of the United States of America," Stevens said. "I do not want to be a member of a North American country."

So, we Americans should all pick up the land we are sitting on and GTFO out of this continent now! Get to work on creating that new island somewhere in the ocean and we'll live there!

JFC…

Wile E. Quixote April 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I'm sure that the Navajo would be OK with that, as would the Cherokee, Sammamish, Puyallup, Lummi, Muckleshoot, Nisqually, Chehalis, Klallam and a few other groups.

George Spelvin April 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I would never join a country that would have me as a member.

– Marx

donner_froh April 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm

and this proposed I-11 is the missing link.

David Stevens' brain in missing a few links.

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:10 pm

So we have finally discovered the missing link? This is excellent news!

weejee April 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm

What about beloved US 101 I-5 from TJ to Douglas, BC?

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Yeah, but I – 5 goes through blue states so it doesn't count.

zumpie April 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Yes, since we Pacific Northwesterners aren't REAL 'Muricans, we have more in common with those commies in British Columbia.

Don't tell the dude, but we're already kinda our own rainy, librul country…ssshhhh.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Wait a minute! You mean that monthly fee of 20 Ameros I've been paying to comment at teh Wonkette is BOGUS????

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm

So right now you have to walk between phoenix and Vegas? Take a covered wagon? Stagecoach? What?

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Hoveround™.

GunToting[Redacted] April 6, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Worse. You have to go through Kingman.

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

WIN

But, really, US 93 is a really dangerous road, at least between Kingman and Vegas.

GeorgiaBurning April 6, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Nobody likes to talk about US 93.

GunToting[Redacted] April 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Isn't the USA a North American county? When did we move?

Gleem McShineys April 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.

CommieLibunatic April 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

GOD.

SHUT UP.

Sorry, I have nothing else to add.

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

There's more:

Pressed for how a new stretch of highway was part of a one-hemisphere government, Stevens said the evidence is all around, starting with the House, on a voice vote, adopting a resolution urging the U.S. Department of Transportation to designate U.S. 93 between Phoenix and Las Vegas, much of which is now two lanes, "as a future Interstate System route and as part of the proposed Interstate 11."

Yeah, that's the smoking gun right there…

donner_froh April 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Canada will never give up the Loonie!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

And the US will never stop electing them.

Toomush_Infer April 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

How about the Twoonie?…

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Steven Harper?

BklynIlluminati April 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Are you kidding me I would love to add Canadian provinces as states, FREE POUTINE for everyone!

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Then when we admit Ireland to the Union we can enjoy poutine with poitín.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 2:10 pm

And when we finally bomb the Russkies back into the Stone Age, we can enjoy poutine with poitin and (really crispy) Putin.

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Free Poutine? What was he falsely accused of?

WABishop April 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

How do you feel about adding the 50 states as provinces?

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 3:56 pm

ALL of them, Katie? No.

Now if we could just leave the CSA states, and honorary CSA state Arizona, behind …

WiscDad April 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I saw an amero once…but it was a car. This old 1972 piece of shit rusted out heap with a 'W04' bumper sticker. Funny thing was it resembled a Camero.

SheriffRoscoe April 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

England is lucky not to have to worry about roads connecting them to other countries, which explains how England remains independent. (Not counting the road they put under the ocean.)

carlgt1 April 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

wait a minute – you've got Scotland & Wales that hate England – and they're all interconnected with roads. Hence the theft of the Stone of Scone…..

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

That's a railroad. Doesn't count because SQUIRREL!

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Excuse me sir, but SQUIRREL LIBEL!

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Do you know how many years it took them to excavate the volume of water necessary to create that tunnel?!

SheriffRoscoe April 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Every time they would excavate, it would rain, filling it back up.

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Took them 5 years to figure out dynamite wouldn't work.

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

And that's what earned them the Nobel Prize!

Gleem McShineys April 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

This road is what Paul Revere was shooting his warning shots at, if you know your history at all.

George Spelvin April 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Apropos of nothing, "Chunnel" is one of my favorite made-up words.

chunnel, chunnel, chunnel.

DemmeFatale April 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I recall, (I lived there at the time), that England was obsessed with contracting rabies from France, and France was worried about acquiring "cultural rabies" from England.

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I'm pretty sure they installed specially designed electrical grates at each end to keep out rats and other animals that might conceivably be disease carriers.

From what I recall, the end result was a proof that rats are smarter than humans.

Biff April 6, 2012 at 5:31 pm

But Hawaii and Alaska both have interstate highways to nowhere!

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Scotland and Wales libel!

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Wow. Spooky. This guy looks like someone I went to college with – the closest thing I have to a claim to fame, since he has his own legit Wikipedia page.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

As an environmentlist, I want to know, "Is Ben Green?".

Biff April 6, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I kinda thought he looked like Mark Zuckerberg after being ran through aging software.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

U.S. OUT OF NORTH AMERICA!!!!!!!

JohnnyQuick April 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Damn, we were really on the edge of properly isolating the Arizona Disease. (No offense to the good people that live there; I'll Kickstart for some buses).

Tired of waiting for the water to run out.

Blueb4sunrise April 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't like my Az. good news story, with KNITTED UTERI!!!!!

PHOENIX – Arizona employers will not be able to deny contraceptive coverage to their workers because of their religious beliefs

http://azstarnet.com/news/science/health-med-fit/

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I like this one better, BTW. Lawmakers bombarded with Uterus's by mail!

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Mebbe all teh Wonketeers can donate some of their hard-earned* Ameros to buy one for Barb?

*welfare/unemployment

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Go #teamUterati?

friendlyskies April 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Who would have thought that Alex Jones would be the most influential political philosopher of the post-imperial US collapse? My money was on Jesus, but it won't be worth the paper its printed on once the amero is adopted, so never mind.

JohnnyQuick April 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Yep. Shouldn't Alex Jones be taken down, on the basis that what he does everyday is not protected free speech? I mean, if there's anyone else who "yells ' fire' in a crowded theater" to a bunch of heavily armed wingnuts more often…

Well, scratch that. Why Isn't Alex Jones on Fox?

Lucidamente1 April 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

"You may have heard the term 'fucking retard.'"

Extemporanus April 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

"Suus mea vel suus viam meam!"

- Appius Claudius Caecus (R-Tucson)

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Arizona delenda est.

-Cato the eldest

Extemporanus April 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

"Ubi sunt album mulierum?"

- Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus Obama

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

"Tu sapiunt si saltare cum mulieres?"

-minantes nigrum homines

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Cut me some slack, guys, the only Latin I know is porcine.

GhostBuggy April 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Don't forget zee roads zat led from Berlin to Paris! Ve came for zee conquering, but stayed for dancing meine fraulein in unterpanties! Heil international highways!

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

From Autobahn to autofellatio, Europe has it all!

Biff April 6, 2012 at 5:40 pm

But what about the AutoSuck?

Antispandex April 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

He does know that there are other roads you can take to go north and south, right? I mean, a Canadian who is determined to get some quality mole' is going to find a way!

JudasPeckerwood April 6, 2012 at 2:03 pm

So much for Mexico's secret plan to invade Canada.

ManchuCandidate April 6, 2012 at 2:03 pm

My father visited a friend of his who lived in 'zona. It was his first (and probably last) visit to the Crazy Desert Anus of US American.

I asked him how he liked it in 'zona and my tea totalling, vehemently anti-drug and anti-gun father said: "There's nothing green out there. It's just desert, mountain and scorpions. If I had to live out there I'd get drunk, take lots of drugs and buy lots of guns to shoot things."

zumpie April 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

No shit, Phoenix is a fucking hole.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Dear Arizona:

Thanks very much, once again, for making us look considerably less Crazy.

Sincerely:

Florida, Tennessee, Texas, Alabama, South Carolina, New Jersey (cont'd on back)

Chill-A-Sketch April 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Isn't "Canamex" that stuff you use for Herpes?

GunToting[Redacted] April 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I thought it was that lip balm that was supposed to be addictive.

Biff April 6, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Canexican libel!

donner_froh April 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

"It's not a bridge to Acapulco or anything like that," Tobin, R-Paulden, said.

Now that might be something worth voting for.

HelmutNewton April 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

“You may have heard the term ‘Amero’”

Isn't that the Italian guy who discovered America? Or maybe it's the term Amoco uses when they rape you when you buy gas (i.e. My ass hurts. I've just been Ameroed).

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Amero Vespucci! That just proves how long the Conspiracy has been going on!

Biff April 6, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I had a Vespa once. Or was that Vespers? So hard to keep up!

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Oh, yeah, the Vespa da Gama! They were hot shit for such a tiny engine.

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Isn't that the Paultard currency?

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ April 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

If you go back in history and see the other highways they’ve tried (to connect the countries), you see what happens.

Royal Road
Silk Road
Appian Way
German Wine Route
Old Salt Route

Yes, fuck the European model of doing things. WE ARE MURICANS

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Not to mention the Hershey Highway.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ April 6, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Don't EVEN get me started on the subject of birth control. Jeez.

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

..sorry…

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm

And the Highway to Hell. (Too lazy to link to YouTube video)

C_R_Eature April 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm

That just gives me the New Lee highway Blues

notgross April 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Which actually connects with the Highway of Death.

George Spelvin April 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

El Camino Real. Oh, wait.

Toomush_Infer April 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Yeah, we're just like the middle of an Oreo sandwich, except it's a vanilla one on one side, and spicy on the other….so…Apocolypse!!!!!…..

Wile E. Quixote April 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I was going to try to work in something about being the taint between Mexico and Canada, but your Oreo analogy works better and doesn't require you to think about taint and Arizona Republicans at the same time.

George Spelvin April 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Poutine and salsa.

randcoolcatdaddy April 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Elect a Muslin Kenyan as President and the next thing you know, William Shatner and Peter Jennings will be shoving maple syrup, Canadian bacon and communist free health care down our throats. And taking away our guns!

Wile E. Quixote April 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm

And they'll ban Monday Niight Football and make watching "Hockey Night in Canada" mandatory!

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 4:04 pm

And the Sooper Bowl will be in November instead of February.

Biff April 6, 2012 at 6:01 pm
harobedyelsnit April 6, 2012 at 4:34 pm

"Elect a Muslin Kenyan as President and the next thing you know, William Shatner and Peter Jennings will be shoving maple syrup, Canadian bacon and communist free health care down our throats."

Is that meant as a punishment or a reward?

Pragmatist2 April 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

The gentleman misses the point. If we build a Mexico to canada highway all those illegal immigrants will zoom through the US right up to the place of Socialized Medicine, where they will die waiting in line for a band-aid.

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Governor Jan Brewer, by all accounts a reasonable person

Our accounts say entirely opposite things.

woodsboyAK April 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Lets hope this nutbag never busts out a map and realizes that you can already drive from Mexico to Canada on ROADS!!!!! How about I-15 or I-25, just a couple on ramps and off ramps and you can already do this. One of my co-workers who swares by ALex Jones believes that the Amero already exists and is currently being printed and will be introduced in Oct of this year so that Obama may seize control of the North American Union and avoid the November elections!

GunToting[Redacted] April 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

A friend of mine used to live in San Diego, and his father lived in Vancouver, BC. When his dad came to visit, the instructions were: Get on I-5. Drive for 3 days. Get off at the exit for Balboa Park.

Mahousu April 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm

As you may know, the ameros in existence are the product of DC Coin's "Moonlight Mint," which issues "fantasy coins." If one guy working in his spare time can apparently bring about a North American Union, what could the Franklin Mint do? I shudder to think of the "precious moments" in store for us.

HistoriCat April 7, 2012 at 3:17 pm

That dude seriously needs to get laid.

noodlesalad April 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm

First they came for our roads, and I was like, really? Roads? That's kind of fucked up. And then they came for the schools, and I was like, hold on a damn minute! We need those. And then they came for my electricity and fluoridated water, and I was definitely not cool with that. But I wasn't a crazy Republican senator so the media didn't cover my common sense defense of basic necessities.

ManchuCandidate April 6, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Amero Roads, take my home
It's the place whites belong,
Arizona,
Illegal Messicans and Hosers,take my home
Amero roads

Isyaignert April 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm

What a patriot – just look at that tie!! He must be a real gud 'merikan. Srsly, are Arizona and South Carolina in a race to be the biggest douchebag state?

DahBoner April 8, 2012 at 11:12 am

He used to fly the coveted Lubbock-Midland route on Screaming Baby Airlines…

Deportably_Jose April 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

If you go back in history and see the other highways they’ve tried (to connect the countries), you see what happens.

You know who else had mad schemes involving highways?

Blueb4sunrise April 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Ike?

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

That Adolf fellow?

GunToting[Redacted] April 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Autobahn libel!

kingofmeh April 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

tom cochrane?

Gleem McShineys April 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Either Hershey's, or santorum?

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 4:06 pm

AC/DC?

Terry April 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

"Stevens wisely pointed to Texas as an example of a state that has proudly fought back against similar legislation."

Yes, and they were wildly successful as something called I-35 does not exist and certainly does not run from Laredo on the US-Mexican border through the Dallas-Fort Worth area up into Oklahoma. It would be unthinkable if such a road were to run all the way up to Duluth.

JohnyEdge April 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Ha! It doesn't go all the way to Canada because then it would have to go to International Falls, where the fishing is really pretty good.

Fortunately, you can no longer travel from Boundry Waters Wilderness Canoe Area (United States) to Quetico Provincial Park (Canada) by canoe unless you have a passport! That cuts off that potential invasion route.

I still worry about a Thunder Bay to Isle Royale invasion, though. We need a fence across Lake Superior to cut off that route!

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 8:15 pm

" you can no longer travel from Boundry Waters Wilderness Canoe Area (United States) to Quetico Provincial Park (Canada) by canoe "

What are you, some kind a Draft Dodger?

HistoriCat April 7, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Lots of proposed highway building in Texas … most of it idiotic. There was a proposal to put together a new highway and have it labeled I-69 (even conservatives snickered at that one). Another proposed highway was such a blatant land grab/back-scratching deal for Perry's cronies that the uproar shut it down.

slithytoves April 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

If the Mexicans can make it to NYC then they can take the NY interstate to Canada. Bienvenue mes amis!

SayItWithWookies April 6, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Arizona should have a rule that anyone who votes on road legislation should at least be able to find his way out of a traffic circle. And if that just happens to disqualify the whole state, at least no harm will be done.

Extemporanus April 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Speaking of Ameros: I saw a gleaming pair of gold-plated, dew-dusted, XXXtra-large TruckNutz just cold danglin' from the ass-end of a big black Escalade parked right in front of the Getty mansion in Pac Heights early this morning.

As I did not have a picture taking device on my person at the time of said sighting, I shall now follow the rules of acceptable commenter decorum and get the fuck out.

mavenmaven April 6, 2012 at 2:18 pm

You all laugh now, but when the 7 horned beast comes running down the I-11 accompanied by four horsemen clutching ameros, who will have the last laugh, unraptured libunatics?

MadBrahms April 6, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Taxidermists?

Guppy April 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Does the man realize that, at any given moment, half the golf-playing olds pissing away their retirement money in Arizona hold Canadian passports?

GunToting[Redacted] April 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm

He may have worked out that they are unable to vote his ignorant ass out of office.

Guppy April 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm

But they can "vote" with their Ameros, which is the GOP Way when last I heard.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

He's on to something: The dystopian future depicted in The Road can never happen if we refuse to build any roads!!!!

owhatever April 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

And the hot months in Arizona, when the brains actually bake within the skull, hasn't even started.

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Who "borrowed" the idea from one Adolph Hitler.

Warwhatgoodfor April 6, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Funny thing about that. Adolph built the autobahns to facilitate movement of Wehrmacht troops. Turns out they didn't need it much, but the invading troops found them very usefull. Karma can be a bitch. Also

gurukalehuru April 6, 2012 at 2:29 pm

All individuals formerly known as citizens are now members of Club America! Unfortunately, only 1% get to use the VIP lounge.

rickmaci April 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Wait. We can fool all those insidious invaders and switch to driving on the left!!!

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 2:45 pm

But we'd better phase it in. Start with the trucks, and wait a month for the cars and motorbikes.

DemmeFatale April 6, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Driving on the left!!??
We can't even handle the Metric system!

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Speaking as a dual citizen, and hence an in-on-the-ground-floor citizen of the new United States of North America Champlainia/États-Unis de Champlain I'd like to council tolerance and understanding. If the people of Arizona want there to be no roads leading in or out of the state, nor, I suppose, pipes containing tainted outside-Arizona water, I say let them have their vision. Didn't Saint Augustine say you must build a wall around the City of God? [Hint: He did.] So it's a matter of religious faith too, on this God's Friday. Bless you, David Stevens, visionary for your people, and best wishes for your separate existence.

….

No, really, David Stevens – Why are you still here?

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Now if we could just make David Stevens a duel citizen, we'd at least have a 50/50 chance of making him go away.

Steverino247 April 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Anyone who would admit to representing Sorry Vista, er, Sierra Vista, is not worth talking to. When I was at Ft. Huachuca, I was able to see first hand why Sorry Vista was the name usually used for the place. Think shitty town outside an Army base, only in the fucking desert, too. I used to joke that the Army moved the Intelligence Center and School to Ft. Huachuca as a cruel joke on the local inhabitants.

Jukesgrrl April 7, 2012 at 1:55 am

I've lived in Tucson six years now and have yet to find a reason to go to Sierra Vista.

Steverino247 April 7, 2012 at 2:29 am

It's like going to the Monkey House at the zoo: Watching bored animals throw poo at each other and the occasional passer by.

OneYieldRegular April 6, 2012 at 2:47 pm

You think this is bad, just wait until David Stevens finds out about the existence of international commercial air travel.

OurDailyBread April 6, 2012 at 2:53 pm

The Republican Apocalypse is like the zombie apocalypse, but with more religion.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Zombies would starve to death in the Republican Apocalypse.

Wile E. Quixote April 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Canadians should be concerned about this too. If this highway is completed there's nothing, nothing at all that would stop raving hordes of Arizona wing nuts from heading north into their country.

Wile E. Quixote April 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I am a member of the United States of America. I do not want to be a member of a North American country.

Too late dude, you're the meat in a North American manwich between a hot slice of French bread from Quebec named Pierre and a hot, dark and tasty slice of bread from Nogales named Ricardo.

bagofmice April 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Is the safe word 'Amero'?

DemmeFatale April 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm

OOOO!!
Can girls get in this manwich, too?

Wile E. Quixote April 6, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Yeah, but you have to move to Arizona first, oh and there's a lot of weird shit they want you to do with putting things in your vagina.

Steverino247 April 7, 2012 at 2:31 am

And they're not talking about tongues in there, neither!

Jus_Wonderin April 6, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Just fuck them. Highway bills have never been held up. Everybody used to like highways. Now, its socialism…right?

qwerty42 April 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Wonkette's own Jim Newell probably helped this along with this back in 2007. There are posts on the "NAFTA Superhighway" as well. I think it is a toll road and you pay in gold Ameros.

whatupirondog April 6, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I sympathize with this guy. I've been trying to shut down I-80 between Des Moines and Iowa City ever since Jesus told me in a dream that it would be used to traffic brightly-colored scarves to the homofacist shock troops once the New World Order is declared. These efforts mainly consist of me sitting by the side of the highway angrily shaking my fists at motorists.

docterry6973 April 6, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Is that you? Next time I'll wave.

Warwhatgoodfor April 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm

You in Iowa city or des Moines. Because I spent many happy years in the former, but the latter, nah.

Jukesgrrl April 7, 2012 at 1:56 am

Iowa City, Paris of the Midwest. Just ask 'em.

docterry6973 April 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Lemme get this right. US-93 is patriotic and good, but I-11, over the same stretch of sand, would be THE END OF OUR GREAT NATION!!!?!

I swear to God, even in AZ who is dumb enough to vote for these jugheads?

Isyaignert April 6, 2012 at 4:19 pm

He who warned us about the military/industrial complex?

MadBrahms April 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm

It was difficult to really pay attention after "“You may have heard the term ‘Amero’"", because I was laughing too hard. I can only hope the rest of the chamber had a similar reaction.

Jukesgrrl April 7, 2012 at 1:58 am

Nope, if he was speaking to the Arizona state legislature, they weren't laughing. They were watching out the window for U.N. black helicopters.

Slim_Pickins April 6, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I guess only a real American can desecrate a American flag like that… (Whoops, sorry a USofA flag).

arihaya April 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm

never trust men with 2 first names !

Jukesgrrl April 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

I'm Rick Scott and I approve this message.

cheetojeebus April 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm

This guy's precious bodily fluids aren't so precious.

From a gene pool standpoint.

Warwhatgoodfor April 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm

He forgot to deny women his essence.

cheetojeebus April 6, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Oh, I think they've been saying no thanks to his essence for some time, eh*?

* just a little nod to our future overlords.

Barrelhse April 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm

David Stevens is there because people in AZ voted for him.
Nuff said.

smokefilledroommate April 6, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I just drove from Phoenix to LV two months ago. They already built the Hoover Dam bypass–it's not like there isn't a pretty seamless route already. What a moron.

GeorgiaBurning April 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Stevens won't say the real reason, they balance the state budget with the fines from the speed trap going into Kingman.

Chi_town_Vinny April 6, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I was stationed at Fort Huachuca during the early 70's – I didn't think Sierra Vista was all that bad at the time, considering the alternative at the time. Too bad it went the way of the looney tunes – but why should it be any different from the rest of Arizona.

Jukesgrrl April 7, 2012 at 2:01 am

If I had to pick between Fort Huachuca and Yuma, I'd definitely pick Fort Huachuca. Unless I liked really cheesy strip clubs.

Chi_town_Vinny April 7, 2012 at 10:14 am

Yeah, I rode my bike to LA via Vegas and looped back down through San Diego to get back to Sierra Vista – going through Yuma on the way. Not much there at the time. Luckily it was early spring – and not too hot by then.

Biff April 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Girl George and Arizona Star, best things evar to come out of AZ.

Pithaughn April 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Take pity, don't anyone tell him about the Very Large Array (gasp, accessible by paved roads!!) right next door in New Mexico. Can a descriptor like new be trusted? NO!! . There is actual filmed proof that "scientists" aka atheists have made contact with aliens from outer space using the antennas at the VLA. And she was a known feminist!
If this pitiful R hears about the VLA he will be demanding all paved roads between AZ and NM be torn up and the FENCE extended all the way around NM also too!!

GregComlish April 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm

If it takes ascending to a North American Superstate in order to reduce the traveling time between Vegas and the Grand Canyon for our senior citizen RV caravans, then I guess you'd better go long on Ameros because in Arizona old white people always get what they want.

ttommyunger April 6, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Road libel.

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Governor Jan Brewer, by all accounts a reasonable person

Oh Liz, I almost pooped myself.

imissopus April 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

So this guy read had someone describe Infinite Jest to him and didn't catch on that it was fiction?

Negropolis April 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Fuck it. Route the thing through New Mexico, the only state down that way with any goddamned sense. Jeeze.

What a bunch of ungrateful bastards, these Red State borderfolk.

Negropolis April 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

They can have their freeway, so long as they take back Bieber and Dion. Otherwise, no dice.

BTW, you Canadians stop snowbirding it up in Scottsdale, ya' hear me? You send too many months down their and get too tan and they'll even start asking your pasty asses for your papers.

bringmeanaxe April 7, 2012 at 11:12 am

Uh, actually, the new currency will be called the Canucko.

DahBoner April 8, 2012 at 11:08 am

If you go back in history and see the other highways..

Coincidentally, this is one of the Ten Commandments of Tractor Safety.

johnmburt April 8, 2012 at 1:31 pm

"If you go back in history and see the other highways they’ve tried (to connect the countries), you see what happens."

Well, he's got me scared, all right.

Extemporanus April 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Okayway. My "It's either my way or my way!" Appian quote lost something in translation any…er, anyhow.

Have you ever heard of "Carny Talk"? The way I was taught, it works like something this:

> Add "-eez" after every consonant sound within a word, except those at the end of a word, those preceding a suffix such as "-ing" or "-ed", and those preceding the letter "y"
> Add "-eez" before every word starting with a vowel/vowel sound
> Speak it as smoothly and rapidly as possible

For example, the sentence "I really hate this fucking highway!" would translate phonetically to "Eez-I reez-illy heez-ate theez-iss feez-ucking heez-i-weez-ay!"

I learned it years ago from the grizzled old sound guy at a bar where I worked, and I can't tell you how many times it proved indispensable when we found it necessary to slag some dickhead band member or dumb-ass groupie right in front of their face.

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm

A friend of mine in high school taught he a similar code where you place "ib" (long i) in the middle of every syllable. He was really good at it and could speak rapidly and fluently in it. I mainly found it useful for yelling "Mibothiber Fibuckiber" at assholes giving me a hard time.

Extemporanus April 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

You were fibuckibing friends with Mushmouth?!

OBA-KAYBA!

flamingpdog April 6, 2012 at 10:06 pm

I think he was after my time. When I was in high school, Cosby was still funny.

Negropolis April 7, 2012 at 10:33 pm

We can go to war with them, again, but they can keep Toledo.

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