SHE IS PROBABLY JUST ON THE RAG  10:05 am April 6, 2012

Alaska GOP Sen. Lisa Murkowski Keeps Not Getting Memo On War On War On Women

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Don't make her pull this car over!GOP Senator Lisa Murkowski, why do you insist on undermining the War on the War on Women? RNC Chair Reince Priebus has said it’s fictional. Kathryn-Jean Lopez twits 17 times a day with links to her one or two columns saying the same thing. Even Ol’ Whatserface, Drinky Nooner — who you know has seen the inside of an Ortho Novum packet or two — snoots in her patrician manner that this is not a War on Women but a Defense of Liberty against religious terrorist President Disappointment. Lisa Murkowski, stop fuckin’ it up! “If you don’t feel this is an attack, you need to go home and talk to your wife and your daughters,” she told the Chamber of Commerce in Homer, Alaska. But K-Lo does not have a wife and daughters, Murkowski! Why are you racist against K-Lo’s gay marriage?

We already knew that Lisa Murkowski almost instantly regretted joining ranks with her GOPpy fellows on the Blunt Amendment — the Mitch McConnell-led snit that would have allowed any private employer to determine his employees’ access to medicine based on his own religious beliefs — when she spent the entire next weekend getting yelled at by Alaskan ladies about it. She apologized, and said given it to do over, she would vote no. But does that mean she has to go around badmouthing a perfectly respectable GOP meme that it is the Democrats who are at war with women? And does she have to go on and on and on about their terrible record on beating up ladies?

Murkowski criticized GOP presidential candidates for not condemning Rush Limbaugh for calling Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute,” which he later apologized for. Fluke was rejected as a witness before a panel on the Obama contraception mandate chaired by House Oversight And Government Reform Chairman Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) last February.

“To have those kind of slurs against a woman … you had candidates who want to be our president not say, ‘That’s wrong. That’s offensive.’ They did not condemn the rhetoric,” she said.

What else would you like to say before you are purged from the Republican Party, Lisa Murkowski?

She also said that she would continue to support funding for Planned Parenthood, adding that the courts have affirmed a legal right to an abortion and she stands by that.

Lisa Murkowski will now be Mitt Romney’s vice presidential nominee, for that important pivot away from wackjob for the general election. Sorry, evangelical buddies, you will now get about as much as you ever actually get from the Republicans. But maybe Mitt Romney will have a proper Easter celebration at least, not like that atheist Muslin and his fat-ass wife in there now. [HuffPo]

 
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{ 83 comments }

Chill-A-Sketch April 6, 2012 at 10:10 am

This is good news for Joe Miller.

HippieEsq April 6, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Oh yeah, him…He was on TV recently. An actual network. He sounds as crazy as he looks.

I was thinking….how much of this Murkowski touchy-feely common sense is driven by an urge to be in constant conflict with Palin-ites?

PNWTom April 7, 2012 at 11:19 pm

It's more driven by an urge to fuck with the political party that allowed Joe to win a primary against her, and then threw her under the bus by supporting that fuckwit over her. While Lisa M. may not have acquired her Senate seat under the most wholesome of circumstances, by 2013 she will take over from OIympia Snowe as "most reasonable Republican Senator." Strange, but true.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 10:11 am

Oh dear–Lisa Murkowski's a RINO now. She said things that are true, but that the Christian Taliban won't like. Lucky for her the seat is safe from primary until 2016; god only knows how insane The Base will be by then.

Trannysurprise April 6, 2012 at 10:20 am

Duke/Phelps 2016!

Maman April 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

RINO now? How do you think she got to be a write-in candidate in the first place?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Oh, dear–I just googled "Lisa Murkowski RINO" and was set straight. My fave was the one predicting that immediately upon being sworn in, she'd "switch her party to DemonRAT"

PNWTom April 7, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Epic Win.

Wile E. Quixote April 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm

What I love is that Lisa Murkowski is in a position where she can tell the Republican base to go fuck themselves. The Republican base chose Sarah Palin's boy toy, Joe Miller, in 2010 and Murkowski beat him as a write-in candidate.

PNWTom April 7, 2012 at 11:20 pm

This is exactly right. (I used to be an Alaskan. I was able to escape, but still know what's up.)

DaRooster April 6, 2012 at 10:13 am

"We already knew that Lisa Murkowski almost instantly regretted joining ranks with her GOPpy fellows on the Blunt Amendment…"

"Almost instantly regretted?" If all of your friends were jumping off a bridge… I mean seriously, being a politician does NOT mean you have to throw all of your logic out the window. Grow a pair and do the right thing… not just the Right thing.

clblabin April 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

Now we see why America "almost instantly regretted" letting Alaska into the Union.

CivicHoliday April 6, 2012 at 10:15 am

How long until she runs as an independent?

Terry April 6, 2012 at 10:38 am

Remember that she was re-elected via write in votes this last go-round.

larrykat April 6, 2012 at 1:36 pm

And everybody got cool bracelets with her name on it so they could spell it.

ThundercatHo April 6, 2012 at 10:15 am

Who else wants to see Sen. Lisa kick the ass of Granny Sarah in a cage match?

Terry April 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Sarah would try to cut her with a knife she smuggled into the ring, then when she's called on having an illegal advantage, Sarah would quit the match.

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 10:55 am

Don't forget, the Murkowski family's the reason we have Sarah Palin – it was the utter sleaziness of her father appointing her to his old Senate seat that set the stage for him to lose the next Gubernatorial primary to Snowbilly.

Well, that, and the gubernatorial Westwind II he bought himself.

ManchuCandidate April 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

I thought the election of 2010 was the cage match as Lisa whomped Sarah's proxy Thug Life Joe Miller as an "independent."

realmurkin April 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

Yes, please.

FNMA April 6, 2012 at 10:15 am

"Lisa Murkowski will now be Mitt Romney’s vice presidential nominee…"

Another Alaskan on the GOP ticket? What could possibly go wrong?

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

Will never happen. I think that would get the Crazy Base actively working against Mitt, possibly even putting up a 3rd Party Nutjob. Mitt's stuck having to pick somebody toeing the party line on all issues, but perhaps appearing not to be insane. Good luck finding 'em, Mittens!

Terry April 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Lisa's conservative but not insane, which means she has no appeal at ALL for the GOP base.

LagunaB April 6, 2012 at 12:41 pm

For Mitten's VP I'm going with Nimrata Nikki Randhawa Haley.
Going rogue!

Data Exactly April 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

I wouldn't mind it if she pulled the car over on me – if you know what I mean!

Schmannnity April 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

What? Everyone in Alaska isn't a lunatic?

larrykat April 6, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I don't get it – she USED to be a lunatic. I guess being in mortal combat with the Palin flying monkeys has refocused her!

DaRooster April 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

Adrienne Barbeau needs to smile more.

MrFizzy April 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

And flash those giant Alaskan hogans for the camera.

Chet Kincaid April 6, 2012 at 10:35 am

Adrienne Barbeau needs to run down the beach in glorious, rolling slow motion on "Battle Of The Network Stars" more.

DaRooster April 6, 2012 at 10:43 am

She is still pretty darned hot… just Bar-beautiful…

Not_So_Much April 6, 2012 at 11:00 am

This version of her needs more skin for her head. Seems like it's too tight.

Giveusabob April 6, 2012 at 10:19 am

Pretty sure K-Lo is a twit more than 17times daily, unless she's spiking her Zima mimosas with Miracle Grow or something.

bikerlaureate April 6, 2012 at 10:23 am

Zimamosa sounds disgusting.

Giveusabob April 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

Indeed. You add the Miracle Grow to cut it.

OC_Surf_Serf April 6, 2012 at 10:19 am

War on the War on Women

So is this WWWI or we on to WWWII? WWWIII?

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

The GOP has always been at War on Women, so I think we're calling this the Great WWW. Like how WWI was the Great War until WWII came along.

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 11:49 am

Only when they weren't calling it "The War To End All Wars". Oops.

John Birf Society April 6, 2012 at 10:20 am

Penngy Nooninshire does not approve of wandering off the reservation, dear. Now be a good egg and fill Auntie Peggy's glass– and don't bogart the good scotch this time.

MrFizzy April 6, 2012 at 10:21 am

Isn't that the creature that crawled out of John Hurt's abdomen in Alien?

smitallica April 6, 2012 at 10:21 am

Memo to Sister Sarah:

THIS is what going rogue looks like.

Also, you're a bitch.

Negropolis April 7, 2012 at 2:13 am

Memo to Sister Sarah:

THIS is what going rogue looks like.

WIN

Weenus299 April 6, 2012 at 10:21 am

When you have your father's face and tenacity in politics, are you a woman?

Guppy April 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

According to whom, Donald Trump?

Biff April 6, 2012 at 10:23 am

Squirrel, blind nut, etc.

Dashboard Buddha April 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

I was about to get all, "wow…a principled Republican. What planet did I wake up on?" Then I read your comment and reality doped-slapped be back into the real world. Thanks.

weejee April 6, 2012 at 10:23 am

Homer & the rest of the Kenai does hide a surprising number of liberals. Perhaps with a more libertarian bent that the urban variety, but in the liberal direction none the less.

The key demographic is that Homer,and a lot of the other towns on the Kenai, have as many bars as they do churches. Not sure if this is the result of city permitting requirements or happenstance, but seems so often to be the case.

Terry April 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

I actually attended a Rotary Club meeting in Homer a few years back. The membership was a fabulous mix of libertarians and hippies, all actually respectful of each other.

weejee April 6, 2012 at 10:56 am

Same deal in Seward, Ketchikan, Juneau, 'n such. Anchorage is, however, is a somewhat dirtier and more alcoholic petite version of Houston. Oil bidness or GTFO.

Terry April 6, 2012 at 10:59 am

The oil people in Alaska remind me of the British people in colonies such as India. Go there a few years, make scads of money and live the high life, dabble a bit in politics (just enough to screw things up for the locals), never consider sending your kids to the local colleges, then haul ass back where they came from.

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 11:08 am

I expect a few of them are Brits who still think of the US as the colonies…

I mean, BP does have a big slice of the North Slope pie.

bikerlaureate April 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

I don't know about this implication that men should actually listen to their wimminfolk. Sounds French-like to me.

WiscDad April 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

Maybe she's a double-headed secret agent of feminism. I know you can't tell by looking but she looks like she might be :)

Biff April 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

She'll be hung out to dry in Homer, with her dick in the wind.

chascates April 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

Wow, she looks only slightly better than Bella Abzug!

hollywooddood April 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

She just doesn't want to lose the slut vote.

MrFizzy April 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

Blago has to be envious of that hair.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 6, 2012 at 10:29 am

We've always been at war with the war on women.

Oblios_Cap April 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

But maybe Mitt Romney will have a proper Easter celebration at least

What do the Moroni worshippers do for Easter? Dead-baptize some Jooz?

FNMA April 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

No, for Passover.

Mahousu April 6, 2012 at 10:31 am

OK, so the Republicans are losing the war on women, and the war on caterpillars, and so far haven't even been able to have a war with Iran – what war can they win?

Aside from the war on common sense, that is, which is really more like Division III play than a real war.

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 10:58 am

Remembering what things looked like last December, I'm pretty sure they're winning the War on Christmas. I even said "Merry Christmas" a bunch of times myself, fifth columnist that I am.

[Around here that seems to be an infallible test for wingnutism: Everybody wishes everybody else a Merry Christmas (though of course care is taken not to direct such greetings at Jews, Muslims, etc.) But when the wingnuts do it, they have this defiant look on their faces, jaws jut forward, as if by saying this they are as brave as the Danish resistance spiriting Jews to Sweden under the Nazi's noses.]

freakishlywrong April 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

Republics do realize that their woman folk take the pill and get mammos, right? They also get "d&cs", instead of what the poors and the blacks get, which are "abortions".

ifthethunderdontgetya April 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

But K-Lo does not have a wife and daughters, Murkowski!

I wonder why?
~

SheriffJoeBiden April 6, 2012 at 10:37 am

Could it be that we are witnessing a watershed moment in American conservatism, when the first few smart Republicans (with or without a conscience) are realizing, as the Democrats did in the 1960's, that long-lasting political majorities can't be built by catering to the most ignorant, barely-human bigots in the entire country? That the pendulum of social history really does swing father to the liberal side every time it swings? … Nah, probably not.

fuflans April 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

oh please.

and if romney loses the election, i guaran-fucking -tee you they'll take exactly the wrong lesson from it.

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

November 1, 2012:

Cue Frothy Mix and the like gabbing "we lost because we weren't true to our principles" in 3…2…1…

el_donaldo April 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Romney's going to "pivot away from wackjob"? I don't think so. Ten to one he doubles down on it and campaigns on mandatory uteri inspections and stockades for sluts.

tessiee April 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

Jeeeezus, she looks like a velociraptor.

ElPinche April 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

RINOsaurus rex

sullivanst April 6, 2012 at 11:02 am

She's the absolute spitting image of Cruella de Vil. Even has the white streak developing.

Come to think of it, have they ever been seen in the same room together?

Guppy April 6, 2012 at 11:06 am

Lizard person.

Chichikovovich April 6, 2012 at 10:50 am

"Murkowski criticized GOP presidential candidates for not condemning Rush Limbaugh for calling Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute,” which he later apologized for."

Câlisse. This again.

Dear Hack Journalists of America:

That Limbaugh used those words was the least of his offenses. That's one reason why, in the mealymouthed hemi-demi-semi-apology that he was forced to make in a hope of stemming the stampede of fleeing advertisers, he spoke *only* about using those words. As an effort to divert people and leave the impression that that was what he needed to apologize for. The problem was that he went on for three days of three unbroken hours falsely stating that Fluke had discussed her own sex life and need for birth control during the testimony, rather than the health care needs of students she knew. And saying that Fluke must have had so much sex that she could barely walk. And demanding that Fluke post sex tapes of herself on the internet. And on and on.

Here's a little test: Take Bill Maher's much-condemned-by-the-right remarks, and replace the words "twat", and "cunt" and whatever other gutter talk he used with "despicable person", and "creep". What do you have? No loss of content in what Maher said, and nothing making an apology necessary. That's what happens when the words are all that people need to apologize for: remove the words, remove the offence.

Now take Rush's words and replace "slut" with "woman of loose virtue" and "prostitute" with "woman of negotiable affection". What he said is every bit as revolting after the substitution. That's what happens when the words are not what demand apology.

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

COTD.

mavenmaven April 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

Clinton/Murkowski 2016!

BTWBFDIMHO April 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

So they hire people for 8 Hrs. but control their lives 24 Hr/day. And in the name of freedom!

fuflans April 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

yes but not at all like 'activist judges overturning a law passed by a majority of both chambers of a duly elected legislature.'

fuflans April 6, 2012 at 11:49 am

she looks pretty in that picture.

that is all i have to say on this topic.

Negropolis April 7, 2012 at 2:17 am

Pretty what?

Callyson April 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

OK, Senator, I look forward to seeing the legislation and other concrete *action* that you will be taking to back up these nice words. Because I'm sure you are not just parroting this out in a damage control attempt or anything…

owhatever April 6, 2012 at 12:23 pm

The bitch to nowhere.

DahBoner April 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm

K-Lo

What's the frequency, Kenneth????

larrykat April 6, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Lisa, we hardly knew ye. You seem so…. sane.

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