game chang....zzzzzz

Campaign Reporters Officially Out Of Questions, Time For Everyone To Come Home

Well, here’s the big breaking news today: Mitt Romney answered the easiest question in history about the dumb issue of whether plutocratic female CEOs should be allowed to apply for membership at a golf course in Georgia.

Look, Emily at ABC has the full report! And Lisa at CNN fixes this nicely into a “Gender Wars” hashtag narrative. Great work, all around. Now let’s cancel campaign trail coverage for a couple of months, starting tomorrow. Any last pressing questions for Mitt Romney? “Would you like people to vote for you instead of Barack Obama in the election,” maybe?

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. GunToting[Redacted]

    These reports lend a new sense of gravitas to the "boxers or briefs" question that a tween asked Bubba back in the dark ages.

  2. Pithaughn

    They would have to build ladies tee boxes. Then if a male golfer's tee shot fails to go as far as the ladies tees he has to play that hole with his, shall we say, flesh colored club, hanging out. So,do you really want to see a bunch of old fellas walking around with their cock hanging out?

  3. OkieDokieDog

    I bet $10,000 that he changes his mind. Or "flip-flops" as the journos like to say.

  4. Mahousu

    Romney's spokespeople will clarify tomorrow that he meant the opposite of whatever he said.

  5. MissTaken

    Some more useful Presidential campaign/Miss America questions:

    Do you like sunny days?
    It is cute when a kitten plays with a ball of yarn?
    Which smells better: poop or roses?
    Do you love America?

    1. LettucePrey

      The correct answer to all of these questions is: "Women shouldn't think about such things, it takes their minds off of their children."

    2. SorosBot

      What newspapers do you read? You'd have to be the world's biggest moron to fuck that one up.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        If she had just been honest and said "redbook, guns and ammo and mad magazine" nobody would have even noticed and we would have one less annoying meme.

    3. OneDollarJuana

      Do you eat pancakes? If not, do you know anyone who owns a national pancake restaurant pancake chain?

    4. doloras

      A kitten playing with a ball of wool is an infantile predator honing its hunting/torture/disembowling skills, so does that change your answer?

  6. annettaj

    How about women who support Planned Parenthood, dogs not on top of cars and
    Nascar followers, not owners? (I know that's all stupid and insipid but so is Mitt's candidacy).

  7. MissTaken

    Mitt is a good person to ask this question. Some of his friends own country clubs that do not admit blacks and women.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Just about everything else that comes out of his mouth lately is a lie, so yeah.

  8. Baconzgood

    Hear that ladies, the "republican war on women" is over. Now you can all stop bitching about "the rights people have to their own bodies".

  9. elviouslyqueer

    Oh nice job, Mitt. Way to insult the ever-so-important quasi-racist misogynist donor base you've been trying to coddle.

    Your move, Phyllis Schlafly, also, too.

    1. Extemporanus

      No, but I would like extra speed on my anusburger.

      First, MissTaken beats me by a second in the question and answer round, and then you chomp down just as I'm dragging my bloody comment outta the water, because I am a gentleman.

  10. HippieEsq

    If this is the GOP truce in the war on va-jay-jay then I'm thinking they'll have to do better.

  11. el_donaldo

    The Mormon Church will now posthumously grant country club memberships to the nation's dead women.

  12. MissTaken

    Tomorrow's official flip-floppety Romney campaign statement: "Mitt fully supports the rights of private institutions to limit their membership as they see fit".

    Oh and buttsechs, this is Wonkett after all.

  13. Eve8Apples

    OK OK, we'll let the bitches in, but first we want to shove a probe up their cooters

  14. coolhandnuke

    Sandy: I want you to kill every gophers on the golf course!
    Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key…
    Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents* -!
    Carl Spackler: We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason. All right, let's do the same thing, but with gophers -!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason.

      Most of my misadventures in college were prefaced by just that statement. Ah, to be young and foolish, with Carl Spackler as your spirit guide.

  15. SoBeach

    Does anybody really care if a bunch of rich old bubbas have their He-man Woman Haters Club, where they can run all jiggly and nekkid around the locker room snapping each other with towels and grabbing each others doinks?

  16. Callyson

    Cue the Frothy Mix' retort about government interference in private business decisions in 3…2…1…

  17. FakaktaSouth

    Oh hell, I'm sure he's already changed his position – something about how "Women don't care about golf, they just care about the economy" with that dumbass Nimrata Nikki Randhawa Haley nodding her head in the background. (that's her real name, I'm not being a dick, Nimrata sounds like Nimrod coincidentally)

  18. ThundercatHo

    Why are they asking a Mormon golf questions? They're not even allowed to drink an Arnold Palmer.

  19. savethispatient

    The real tragedy is that he did not utter this phrase:
    "I love golf courses, the tees are just the right height"

  20. Lascauxcaveman

    IIRC, they were finally forced to admit a token nigra or two a few years back. So what the hell, place is already ruined. Let the broads play through.

  21. OneYieldRegular

    Oh come on, surely someone can ask something slightly more challenging, like, "Candidate Romney, what's your position on whether Augusta should use chain-gang inmates to trim the fairways?"

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand five comments in (on, for crying out loud):

      The man is so concerned about being re-elected that he panders to any group that will listen. He's inciting class warfare, race warfare (couldn't wait to weigh in on the Trayvon Martin case), and now gender warfare. The ultimate Community (Dis)Organizer?

      Man, happy hour can't get here fast enough.

      1. Sue4466

        Because opposing sex discrimination is pandering. Because sex discrimination is a nonissue. Just like racism.

  22. BarackMyWorld

    I'll give these reporters a hand. Here are 10 questions I'd ask Mitt Romney:

    Mr. Romney, how would you implement healthcare reform on the national level without it using the key features of your Massachusetts reform that were used in the Affordable Care Act?

    Mr. Romney, how is your position on gay rights different than it was in 2002, and why did you make these changes?

    Mr. Romney, do you see any contradiction in attacking the president for spending too much time at Harvard, since you were also a law student there?

    Mr. Romney, if Pres. Obama was too inexperienced for national office because his only prior elected positions were as a first term senator and state legislator, and he lacks executive or private sector experience, why are you considering Marco Rubio for Vice President?

    Mr. Romney, how is your position on abortion rights different than it was in 2002, and why did you make these changes?

    Mr. Romney, why have you gone from being a financial supporter of Planned Parenthood to promising to "end" it?

    Mr. Romney, do you believe there is a constitutional right to privacy?

    Mr. Romney, besides your belief that Pres. Obama is not handling it correctly, what is your position on the Afghanistan War?

    Mr. Romney, since you've endorsed the Ryan budget, do you also support converting Medicare to a private voucher program?

    Mr. Romney, do you a specific plan for immigration reform, or are you still in favor of "self-deportation"?


    1. Boojum

      The answer, to each, being liberal elite gotcha media question socialism

      But he'll deny saying it. .

    2. James Michael Curley

      Mr. Romney you supported Sarah Palin as Vice President in 2008. Are you going to name her as your vice presidential running mate or is that another flip-fap?

  23. CogitoErgoBibo

    "Women in Augusta? Yes. Women deciding what to do with your own bodies? Nope. Next question!"

  24. Fare la Volpe

    Who the hell is Augusta, and why is she going national?

    Is this a Debbie Does Dallas spin-off?

  25. DonnyKerabotsos

    I'm guessing that the women will be required to tee off by holding the ball between their knees.

  26. Wilcoxyz

    Ok ladies, no health care-funded birth control, but all the wood and holes you can handle. If you're rich enough to afford Augusta.

  27. Eve8Apples

    Why of course it's OK to let the girls in. Who else will make supper and clean the toilets?

    1. Negropolis

      Why, the Blahs they've let in, of course; it's their club dues. At least, that's what they call it.

  28. Dr. Nick Riviera

    "Jake Tapper President, er…Governor Romney. Do you think the Constitution is a GOOD thing *nod* or a BAD thing *head shake*"

    1. Negropolis

      "Governor Romney, show me where on this copy of the Constitution President Obama stabbed it?

  29. mrblifil

    This smacks of a government overreach in order to subjugate the right to privacy of law abiding citizens who have formed a club. We hereby rescind our annual gift of a lawn jockey.

    Augusta National Golf Club
    Some Guy Named "Hootie"

  30. TootsStansbury

    when this clown's pants finally spontaneously combust, will our dutiful media report "Romney on fire criticizing Obama's failed policies!"?

  31. owhatever

    Lookahere, we've been allowing women in for years. Usually a whole pack of 'em come to the bar after dinner, usually young, blonde and leggy. Ask Tiger, you don't believe me.

  32. Toomush_Infer

    Jesus Christ – nobody should be allowed to wear those green jackets!…and Mitt and Barack, given their handicaps, should just go bowling together….

  33. lulzmonger

    Alternate Willard:

    Golf Club glass ceiling for CEOs with ladybits? NAY, NAY!

    Concrete ceiling for teh poors? FUCK YEAH, I'M LOVIN' IT!

    *Today's New GOP — A Kinder Gentler Feudalism*

Comments are closed.