WONKETTE ART CONTESTS  2:25 pm April 5, 2012

Wonkette Book Contest: Vote For Your Favorite Disturbing Maddow/Scalia/Alien Art!

by Jim Newell

Democracy is democratizing at the Wonkette blog! We received so many excellent submissions for our “make a dumb computer picture of Rachel Maddow fighting aliens and/or Antonin Scalia” Art Contest that your usually totalitarian editor has decided not to unilaterally pick the winner based on whatever would piss off the community most. We did, however, cull the field down to ten finalists, which you can view and vote on below. Indeed, difficult decisions were made. We appreciate all submissions and applaud the submitteurs. (On the other hand, suck it, losers. Way to lose!) And before you click the clicky, one more exciting new detail: We will now be giving away two (2) autographed copies of Maddow’s book, so now two (2) people out of several dozen will not have completely wasted their time making dumb computer pictures. Everyone’s a winner! Okay, now go ahead and click the clicky.

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VOTE NOW! We’re not sure how easy it is to cheat and vote thousands of times on this free little crap poll embed, but please obey the honor system! Just kidding, cheat at will. This is a WARBLOG for Christ’s sake.

 
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{ 110 comments }

nounverb911 April 5, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Good work everyone. Such an assortment of warped minds to choose from.

JohnnyQuick April 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.

Barb April 5, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Great job everyone!
Mine didn't even make it to the top ten, lol.

banana_bread April 5, 2012 at 2:30 pm

GUYS I MADE THE FINALS. My art degree is finally paying off!

teebob2000 April 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Librul arts fail!!!!

extreme_left April 5, 2012 at 6:51 pm

meh..if you really had a art degree work-a-day concerns such as success would be of little concern.

banana_bread April 5, 2012 at 8:18 pm

That would be true if I could survive on cardboard cigarette butts.

extreme_left April 5, 2012 at 8:30 pm

A true holder of an Arts degree would be celebrating a high fibre diet in a Calvanistic inquisitorial orgy deconstructing getting laid and 'that all looks rather messy', freed from the unsettlingly common need for actual food.

add. a small brainwave..the people who feel the need to deconstruct art should just fuck off because they won't find it…though they will be bang on for a Arts grant.

JudasPeckerwood April 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

One vote each for #4 and #7. Great job all around!

OC_Surf_Serf April 5, 2012 at 2:32 pm

All of 'em Katie…

(no, really, they are all justly right in their own way…fuck, I really am a Librool)

nounverb911 April 5, 2012 at 2:32 pm

The pilot in # 2 looks just like Mark Teixeira. Go Yankees.

CogitoErgoBibo April 5, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Kudos to the finalists! Alien autopsy gets my vote. That is some mighty fine photoshopping there. Well done!

Designer_Rants April 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Agreed on the Alien Autopsy, very impressive. There's at least 2 of them that tells me they do this Photoshoppin' Thang for a living. Very impressed with all.

LesBontemps April 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

My fave too; that was awesome! But really they all deserve a prize. Hey Newell, how hard could it be to call up Maddow and get a few more books? She probably cribs plenty o' snark from here.

Fare la Volpe April 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I would be shocked if the contest didn't at least appear on her blog, let alone her show. These are all too good to pass up.

weejee April 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

The Louvre ain't got nothin' on teh Wonkette. Thanks all you artistes.

OzoneTom April 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Tough decision, but #1 for "The Forgotten Man."

nounverb911 April 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Wasn't he in "My Man Godfey"?

elviouslyqueer April 5, 2012 at 2:34 pm

All right. Whoever posted the image of an Afro'd Scalia dressed in a leather teddy, congratulations for making my eyes seize up, scream, pry themselves out their sockets, and head for Canada. You bastard.

Jus_Wonderin April 5, 2012 at 2:37 pm

That's the one I voted for!!

deelzebub April 5, 2012 at 6:57 pm

How could you not love an Aliens/Rocky Horror tableau of a lesbian and lizard person? I've been inspired by that glorious picture to write a disgustingly bad fanfiction. Any up for reading about some robot exoskeleton BDSM buttsex?

MissTaken April 5, 2012 at 2:34 pm

That Abortionplex offers an Abortion/Pedicure Special? Dammit, mine only offers Abortion/Eyebrow Waxing.

actor212 April 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

In fairness, the Minnesota 'plex has to worry about women in boots.

SorosBot April 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

They also give a free martini with the abortion, followed by a bikini waxing to make getting knocked up for your next abortion even easier.

actor212 April 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Landing strip or GTFO

HippieEsq April 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Robot bush? Geez, Robots are almost as complicated as women.

FlipOffResearch April 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm

The pedicure bundles nicely with the abortion because the feet are already up in stirrups.

Schmannnity April 5, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Not enough body hair on #5.

WiscDad April 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

#7 missed a great opportunity to make Eddie Munster look like Eddie Munster

BarackMyWorld April 5, 2012 at 2:37 pm

So much awesome….can't decide…

actor212 April 5, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Number 5, Number 5, Number 5, Number 5, Number 5

(no, not mine, but damn, I wish I was that clever.)

SoBeach April 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

They're all great but yeah, I have to go with #5 too.

iburl April 5, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Wow, this is a lot better than I thought it would be, some of these are less Photoshop though and more straight up art, but I like it.

Sharkey April 5, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Fap x10!

actor212 April 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I'd totally have hot sex with the lesbian in number 7.

Or at least watch her having hot sex

Goonemeritus April 5, 2012 at 2:40 pm

What’s not to love I feel they all use negative space like the Grand Masters did. But the Grand Masters never had such a flare for arming lesbians.

johnnyzhivago April 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I'm not sure, but #7 looks like it's photoshopped….

actor212 April 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

They may have slenderized Limbaugh for editorial purposes

iburl April 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

That's what uncoils from inside his human costume on OBASM day.

Jim Newell April 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

cynic

el_donaldo April 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I voted for #8. #10 did have an alien and "balls," so I almost went there. But I didn't.

carlgt1 April 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

2 & 3 are great, 7 is the most "Wonkettish"

JustPixelz April 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Gotta go with Rachel as Lara Croft (#8 #7) because … well, Lara Croft.

UPDATE: I voted wrong! I thought the numbers were under the pix. I meant #7. (I'd ask for a recount, but I already know how Scalia feels about those things.)

actor212 April 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Careful, now! You don't want to go around setting "precedent", do you?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Who am I kidding????

chascates April 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

All the entries are pretty disturbing which reassures me about where I spent my time online.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Maddow in the BGC19… but where's the drum kit?

deit: FUCK! I didn't know the BGC19 was a rip-off from Alien.

lisawines April 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

OK, I voted for 5 because it made me burst out laughing and 7 because the flying saucer birth control pack is just fapping brilliant.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I almost went with 10, just for the word balls, but in the end 4 won out.

banana_bread April 6, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Thanks! You are my favorite skullf*cking dog.

fartknocker April 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

All of them Katie

Blueb4sunrise April 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I voted for Arizona.

AbandonHope April 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Is "Arizona" the new "Pat Buchanan"?

Blueb4sunrise April 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I was just biding my time until the next 'Crazy Az.' post went up. Atrios beat them to it though.

Brynne, Tess and Savannah from Phoenix are black belts in karate, expert horseback riders and avid musical theater fans. And they perform exorcisms.

"We're just normal girls who do something extraordinary for God," Brynne said. "After seeing an actual exorcism in person, led by us, you will walk away with no doubt, whatsoever."

http://abcnews.go.com/US/teen-girl-exorcism-squad

Jus_Wonderin April 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Damn, I was writing this screenplay. Think it will still sell???

Designer_Rants April 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Add a twist! The exorcIST becomes the exorcISED. Plus, you can then have 2 girls pee on the floor instead of just one, a la original "Exorcist".

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

This makes me wish I could draw better than a three year old.

Sharkey April 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Sponsored by Diebold: When you Really, Really Can't Afford to Have a Paper Trail of Results™

littlebigdaddy April 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Enough about the art–is there any lesbian porn in the book?

DetectiveGrey April 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

3 is pretty awesome. I'm digging the sci-fi laser vs hammer battle dynamic.

Goonemeritus April 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I may not know art but I know what I like. And I like heavily armed militant lesbians.

Data Exactly April 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Such a terrible punch from Maddow, right outside of the Abortion Pie bakery.

Designer_Rants April 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I thought she was doing some awkward back-kick toward his knee. Then she'd run. And that pic's one of my favs.

teebob2000 April 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

5 had me almost literally ROLF'ing in my office, probably because I HAVE that alien autopsy video!

Designer_Rants April 5, 2012 at 10:09 pm

When this is done, I hope #5 steps forward so we can shower them with PhotoShoppin' praise (I'm not good at Photoshop, but I can tell who is), and I think #9 has an awesome style, and I would like to read a book illustrated by him or her.

Fare la Volpe April 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

UGH. All this "talent" and "amazingness."

You people make me sick.

Deportably_Jose April 5, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Seriously. I was honestly just going to photoshop Rachel's head into a Hunger Games .gif.

Before I had an attack of the lazy, that is.

Jus_Wonderin April 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I voted for my dead Grammie. I don't think that is wrong because she would have wanted to vote.

Fare la Volpe April 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Ah shit, I voted for Nader.

muthalovin April 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Wait. When did Wonkette become an art blog?

Designer_Rants April 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Got sick of being a mommy blog.

Spurning Beer April 5, 2012 at 8:21 pm

The Art of War-blog.

Dr_Zoidberg April 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm

If you don't vote for #3 the terrorists win.

HippieEsq April 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

If you don't vote for 4 Scalia lives.

savethispatient April 5, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Damn, I knew there something other than work that I was supposed to do yesterday! Well done all.

Extemporanus April 5, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I LOVE YOU FUCKING GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH!

bagofmice April 5, 2012 at 3:08 pm

We are about to engage the Maddow.
Please do not move while the Maddow is engaging.
Moving will disrupt the calibration of the Maddow.
Please wait while we calibrate, the Maddow.
Please do not look away from the Maddow.
The Maddow is now calibrating.
The Maddow is still calibrating.
The Maddow has completed calibration.

Reference: http://video.adultswim.com/the-venture-bros/the-n

PubOption April 5, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I think the beast in picture number 2 looks more like Ernest Borgnine than Scalia.

Guppy April 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Lesbian space pirates seems to be a common motif.

Radio福井県 April 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I voted, where is my Quaalude?

HippieEsq April 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Re #4, Is that Janet Reno exploding out of Scalia's heart? I hope so, but I'll also be nearly as pleased if it's Kagan, Barbara Mikulski, or even a feminine portrayal of Ted Olson.

banana_bread April 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm

It's Rachel Maddow but I'd had a few, so there you go.

HippieEsq April 6, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Haha well I don't know of that's the portrait of Maddow she'll put inside the next book jacket but I had fun guessing!  

Limeylizzie April 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I will fuck #10's artist, male or female, because I laughed and peed myself a teeny bit, like I used to do in High School.

MissTaken April 5, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I still base my "who to fuck?" decisions on who makes me laugh and pee a little bit.

Limeylizzie April 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Me too, if they make me really scream with laughter there is a good chance I will fuck 'em. Err used to be that way-in case MrLL-is trolling around these parts.He makes me laugh in that helpless laughing in church way.

Designer_Rants April 5, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Yay! That was me. You'll be the first booty call I make if Mrs. Rants ever dumps me.

Save my number under either "Sir Muffin Eater Esq." (Esquire cuz whatever we do will be quasi-legal), or "AIN'T NO SHAME" (your choice). In case you don't answer randos, the number is 1-800-HOT-SHITZ.

If we meet, you may expect me to either A) Rock Your World, (or) B) Inconsolably and impotently sob for one-to-three hours over my wife's leaving.

Limeylizzie April 5, 2012 at 8:44 pm

I hope Mrs. Rants will do you as my proxy. You are some kind of fabulous!

Limeylizzie April 6, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Ssssh, I just voted about 6 times in succession and I think I put you in the lead.

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

You. I like you.

Also,- I was just reading my email and read your comment that starts with "sssh" and I thought you had sent me a secret email. Then I started wondering how you did that. Then I realized I'm just dumb-tired, lol.

HippieEsq April 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

OT: Holder himself signed the reply to the whiny judge about judicial review of the ACA:
http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/interactive/2012/04/u

it's a polite "GFY" letter. Brilliant.

Designer_Rants April 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I don't get it. You lawyers speak in tongues. But you seem like a nice enough fella.

HippieEsq April 6, 2012 at 12:24 am

that's "G(o) F(uck) Y(ourself)". As in….

Dear Judge,

Got your order. Look, GFY. We're all adults (and lawyers to boot) and there is no need for you to get all wound up because you happened to catch 20 minutes of Fox during your lunch break. See also, Marbury v. Blah Blah Blah.

Designer_Rants April 6, 2012 at 12:33 am

I got the GFY part, it's reading the letters or briefs that usually make me ask after every paragraph, "So is he fer it? Or aginnit?"

CivicHoliday April 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

6 & 8 are both full of the awesome. 10 is good too but only because…you know…balls.

GortRay April 5, 2012 at 4:13 pm

All of them are ultra fab! Such creativity among the Wonketteers is inspiring. All I can do is try to work up a worthy guitar solo to accompany a slide show of these masterpieces.

Antispandex April 5, 2012 at 4:56 pm

DAMN IT! I clicked here to see at least one nude picture of Ms. Maddow (photo shopped of course) that I could use as a wallpaper, and zip…nothing! I know she is not into boys, and doesn't have slutty pics on the intertoobs (I've checked, because I'm pervy that way), but the Xena Warrior Princess angle is really the way to go here!

lochnessmonster April 5, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Next time I want to see some Blingee…

Gleem McShineys April 5, 2012 at 5:11 pm

And here I thought all you Wonketters had been shipped to Afghanistan, no one had lost any

But here you are, with WAY more talent than simply typing curses and gross sexytime terms and forming words into libtardy tree huggery snark !

Amazing work, all.

C_R_Eature April 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I like # 6, with # 5 as a runner up.
Why? they speak to me on some level and I've long since gone past the point of attempting to Explain Myself.
There.

DDDintense April 5, 2012 at 7:27 pm

As submitter #2, all I have to say is: "It's halftime"!!

Designer_Rants April 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

I only voted once for myself, and then Mrs. Rants voted once for me. Then we made love atop a mountain of autographed George W. Bush autobiographies that the bookstore had hauled to the dump. We pretended they were Rachel Maddow books. Books are pokey.

lulzmonger April 5, 2012 at 11:16 pm

The morning: this wins it!

Every one of these RAWKS & Wonkette should appropriate them to illustrate future posts.

I rated for #6, because I just have a soft spot for a cute tomboy liberal lesbian in a Mech battle-suit.

FASTER, DOCTOR MADDOW, REFUTE, REFUTE!

fuflans April 5, 2012 at 11:21 pm

meh.

fucking plastic artists. so clever and professional in your 'two-dimensional depections of life and art'.

iburl April 6, 2012 at 2:25 am

which one was yours?

fuflans April 6, 2012 at 9:43 am

i would not make nasty snarky comments about those artists if had any talent in that way.

BTWBFDIMHO April 5, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Good stuff, and 8 should win, even though I voted for 5.

mcrummett April 6, 2012 at 4:50 am

I love you, Wonkette!

thefrontpage April 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

Rachel, late last night at my funky little Adams Morgan apartment, looked over all of these, and, laughing, told me that they were great, but she really liked my personal, very erotic, private collage that I made of her, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Christy O'Connell and Lisa Markowitz the best. Then we collapsed together in a heaving, steaming torrid session of intense erotic machinations for several hours until we collapsed, spent, and then drifted off to a relaxing slumber.

iburl April 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Dammit, I think I was out-cheated :(

ttommyunger April 6, 2012 at 9:47 pm

NEEDZ MOAR BUTTSECKS!

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