wonkette art contests

Wonkette Book Contest: Vote For Your Favorite Disturbing Maddow/Scalia/Alien Art!

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Democracy is democratizing at the Wonkette blog! We received so many excellent submissions for our “make a dumb computer picture of Rachel Maddow fighting aliens and/or Antonin Scalia” Art Contest that your usually totalitarian editor has decided not to unilaterally pick the winner based on whatever would piss off the community most. We did, however, cull the field down to ten finalists, which you can view and vote on below. Indeed, difficult decisions were made. We appreciate all submissions and applaud the submitteurs. (On the other hand, suck it, losers. Way to lose!) And before you click the clicky, one more exciting new detail: We will now be giving away two (2) autographed copies of Maddow’s book, so now two (2) people out of several dozen will not have completely wasted their time making dumb computer pictures. Everyone’s a winner! Okay, now go ahead and click the clicky.

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Sponsored Intermission

VOTE NOW! We’re not sure how easy it is to cheat and vote thousands of times on this free little crap poll embed, but please obey the honor system! Just kidding, cheat at will. This is a WARBLOG for Christ’s sake.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Good work everyone. Such an assortment of warped minds to choose from.

    • JohnnyQuick

      Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.

  • Barb

    Great job everyone!
    Mine didn't even make it to the top ten, lol.

  • banana_bread

    GUYS I MADE THE FINALS. My art degree is finally paying off!

    • teebob2000

      Librul arts fail!!!!

    • extreme_left

      meh..if you really had a art degree work-a-day concerns such as success would be of little concern.

      • banana_bread

        That would be true if I could survive on cardboard cigarette butts.

        • extreme_left

          A true holder of an Arts degree would be celebrating a high fibre diet in a Calvanistic inquisitorial orgy deconstructing getting laid and 'that all looks rather messy', freed from the unsettlingly common need for actual food.

          add. a small brainwave..the people who feel the need to deconstruct art should just fuck off because they won't find it…though they will be bang on for a Arts grant.

  • JudasPeckerwood

    One vote each for #4 and #7. Great job all around!

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    All of 'em Katie…

    (no, really, they are all justly right in their own way…fuck, I really am a Librool)

  • nounverb911

    The pilot in # 2 looks just like Mark Teixeira. Go Yankees.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Kudos to the finalists! Alien autopsy gets my vote. That is some mighty fine photoshopping there. Well done!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Agreed on the Alien Autopsy, very impressive. There's at least 2 of them that tells me they do this Photoshoppin' Thang for a living. Very impressed with all.

      • LesBontemps

        My fave too; that was awesome! But really they all deserve a prize. Hey Newell, how hard could it be to call up Maddow and get a few more books? She probably cribs plenty o' snark from here.

        • Fare la Volpe

          I would be shocked if the contest didn't at least appear on her blog, let alone her show. These are all too good to pass up.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    The Louvre ain't got nothin' on teh Wonkette. Thanks all you artistes.

  • OzoneTom

    Tough decision, but #1 for "The Forgotten Man."

    • nounverb911

      Wasn't he in "My Man Godfey"?

  • elviouslyqueer

    All right. Whoever posted the image of an Afro'd Scalia dressed in a leather teddy, congratulations for making my eyes seize up, scream, pry themselves out their sockets, and head for Canada. You bastard.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      That's the one I voted for!!

    • deelzebub

      How could you not love an Aliens/Rocky Horror tableau of a lesbian and lizard person? I've been inspired by that glorious picture to write a disgustingly bad fanfiction. Any up for reading about some robot exoskeleton BDSM buttsex?

  • MissTaken

    That Abortionplex offers an Abortion/Pedicure Special? Dammit, mine only offers Abortion/Eyebrow Waxing.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      In fairness, the Minnesota 'plex has to worry about women in boots.

    • SorosBot

      They also give a free martini with the abortion, followed by a bikini waxing to make getting knocked up for your next abortion even easier.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Landing strip or GTFO

        • HippieEsq

          Robot bush? Geez, Robots are almost as complicated as women.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/FlipOffResearch FlipOffResearch

      The pedicure bundles nicely with the abortion because the feet are already up in stirrups.

  • Schmannnity

    Not enough body hair on #5.

  • WiscDad

    #7 missed a great opportunity to make Eddie Munster look like Eddie Munster

  • BarackMyWorld

    So much awesome….can't decide…

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Number 5, Number 5, Number 5, Number 5, Number 5

    (no, not mine, but damn, I wish I was that clever.)

    • SoBeach

      They're all great but yeah, I have to go with #5 too.

  • iburl

    Wow, this is a lot better than I thought it would be, some of these are less Photoshop though and more straight up art, but I like it.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Fap x10!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'd totally have hot sex with the lesbian in number 7.

    Or at least watch her having hot sex

  • Goonemeritus

    What’s not to love I feel they all use negative space like the Grand Masters did. But the Grand Masters never had such a flare for arming lesbians.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I'm not sure, but #7 looks like it's photoshopped….

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      They may have slenderized Limbaugh for editorial purposes

      • iburl

        That's what uncoils from inside his human costume on OBASM day.

    • http://wonkette.com Jim Newell

      cynic

  • el_donaldo

    I voted for #8. #10 did have an alien and "balls," so I almost went there. But I didn't.

  • carlgt1

    2 & 3 are great, 7 is the most "Wonkettish"

  • JustPixelz

    Gotta go with Rachel as Lara Croft (#8 #7) because … well, Lara Croft.

    UPDATE: I voted wrong! I thought the numbers were under the pix. I meant #7. (I'd ask for a recount, but I already know how Scalia feels about those things.)

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Careful, now! You don't want to go around setting "precedent", do you?

      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Who am I kidding????

  • chascates

    All the entries are pretty disturbing which reassures me about where I spent my time online.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Maddow in the BGC19… but where's the drum kit?

    deit: FUCK! I didn't know the BGC19 was a rip-off from Alien.

  • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

    OK, I voted for 5 because it made me burst out laughing and 7 because the flying saucer birth control pack is just fapping brilliant.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I almost went with 10, just for the word balls, but in the end 4 won out.

    • banana_bread

      Thanks! You are my favorite skullf*cking dog.

  • fartknocker

    All of them Katie

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I voted for Arizona.

    • AbandonHope

      Is "Arizona" the new "Pat Buchanan"?

      • Blueb4sunrise

        I was just biding my time until the next 'Crazy Az.' post went up. Atrios beat them to it though.

        Brynne, Tess and Savannah from Phoenix are black belts in karate, expert horseback riders and avid musical theater fans. And they perform exorcisms.

        "We're just normal girls who do something extraordinary for God," Brynne said. "After seeing an actual exorcism in person, led by us, you will walk away with no doubt, whatsoever."

        http://abcnews.go.com/US/teen-girl-exorcism-squad

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Damn, I was writing this screenplay. Think it will still sell???

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Add a twist! The exorcIST becomes the exorcISED. Plus, you can then have 2 girls pee on the floor instead of just one, a la original "Exorcist".

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This makes me wish I could draw better than a three year old.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Sponsored by Diebold: When you Really, Really Can't Afford to Have a Paper Trail of Results™

  • littlebigdaddy

    Enough about the art–is there any lesbian porn in the book?

  • DetectiveGrey

    3 is pretty awesome. I'm digging the sci-fi laser vs hammer battle dynamic.

  • Goonemeritus

    I may not know art but I know what I like. And I like heavily armed militant lesbians.

  • Data Exactly

    Such a terrible punch from Maddow, right outside of the Abortion Pie bakery.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I thought she was doing some awkward back-kick toward his knee. Then she'd run. And that pic's one of my favs.

  • teebob2000

    5 had me almost literally ROLF'ing in my office, probably because I HAVE that alien autopsy video!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      When this is done, I hope #5 steps forward so we can shower them with PhotoShoppin' praise (I'm not good at Photoshop, but I can tell who is), and I think #9 has an awesome style, and I would like to read a book illustrated by him or her.

  • Fare la Volpe

    UGH. All this "talent" and "amazingness."

    You people make me sick.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

      Seriously. I was honestly just going to photoshop Rachel's head into a Hunger Games .gif.

      Before I had an attack of the lazy, that is.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I voted for my dead Grammie. I don't think that is wrong because she would have wanted to vote.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Ah shit, I voted for Nader.

  • http://www.proofnpudding.com muthalovin

    Wait. When did Wonkette become an art blog?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Got sick of being a mommy blog.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      The Art of War-blog.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    If you don't vote for #3 the terrorists win.

    • HippieEsq

      If you don't vote for 4 Scalia lives.

  • savethispatient

    Damn, I knew there something other than work that I was supposed to do yesterday! Well done all.

  • Extemporanus

    I LOVE YOU FUCKING GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH!

  • bagofmice

    We are about to engage the Maddow.
    Please do not move while the Maddow is engaging.
    Moving will disrupt the calibration of the Maddow.
    Please wait while we calibrate, the Maddow.
    Please do not look away from the Maddow.
    The Maddow is now calibrating.
    The Maddow is still calibrating.
    The Maddow has completed calibration.

    Reference: http://video.adultswim.com/the-venture-bros/the-n

  • PubOption

    I think the beast in picture number 2 looks more like Ernest Borgnine than Scalia.

  • Guppy

    Lesbian space pirates seems to be a common motif.

  • Radio福井県

    I voted, where is my Quaalude?

  • HippieEsq

    Re #4, Is that Janet Reno exploding out of Scalia's heart? I hope so, but I'll also be nearly as pleased if it's Kagan, Barbara Mikulski, or even a feminine portrayal of Ted Olson.

    • banana_bread

      It's Rachel Maddow but I'd had a few, so there you go.

      • HippieEsq

        Haha well I don't know of that's the portrait of Maddow she'll put inside the next book jacket but I had fun guessing!  

  • Limeylizzie

    I will fuck #10's artist, male or female, because I laughed and peed myself a teeny bit, like I used to do in High School.

    • MissTaken

      I still base my "who to fuck?" decisions on who makes me laugh and pee a little bit.

      • Limeylizzie

        Me too, if they make me really scream with laughter there is a good chance I will fuck 'em. Err used to be that way-in case MrLL-is trolling around these parts.He makes me laugh in that helpless laughing in church way.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Yay! That was me. You'll be the first booty call I make if Mrs. Rants ever dumps me.

      Save my number under either "Sir Muffin Eater Esq." (Esquire cuz whatever we do will be quasi-legal), or "AIN'T NO SHAME" (your choice). In case you don't answer randos, the number is 1-800-HOT-SHITZ.

      If we meet, you may expect me to either A) Rock Your World, (or) B) Inconsolably and impotently sob for one-to-three hours over my wife's leaving.

      • Limeylizzie

        I hope Mrs. Rants will do you as my proxy. You are some kind of fabulous!

      • Limeylizzie

        Ssssh, I just voted about 6 times in succession and I think I put you in the lead.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          You. I like you.

          Also,- I was just reading my email and read your comment that starts with "sssh" and I thought you had sent me a secret email. Then I started wondering how you did that. Then I realized I'm just dumb-tired, lol.

  • HippieEsq

    OT: Holder himself signed the reply to the whiny judge about judicial review of the ACA:
    http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/interactive/2012/04/u

    it's a polite "GFY" letter. Brilliant.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I don't get it. You lawyers speak in tongues. But you seem like a nice enough fella.

      • HippieEsq

        that's "G(o) F(uck) Y(ourself)". As in….

        Dear Judge,

        Got your order. Look, GFY. We're all adults (and lawyers to boot) and there is no need for you to get all wound up because you happened to catch 20 minutes of Fox during your lunch break. See also, Marbury v. Blah Blah Blah.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          I got the GFY part, it's reading the letters or briefs that usually make me ask after every paragraph, "So is he fer it? Or aginnit?"

  • CivicHoliday

    6 & 8 are both full of the awesome. 10 is good too but only because…you know…balls.

  • GortRay

    All of them are ultra fab! Such creativity among the Wonketteers is inspiring. All I can do is try to work up a worthy guitar solo to accompany a slide show of these masterpieces.

  • Antispandex

    DAMN IT! I clicked here to see at least one nude picture of Ms. Maddow (photo shopped of course) that I could use as a wallpaper, and zip…nothing! I know she is not into boys, and doesn't have slutty pics on the intertoobs (I've checked, because I'm pervy that way), but the Xena Warrior Princess angle is really the way to go here!

  • lochnessmonster

    Next time I want to see some Blingee…

  • Gleem McShineys

    And here I thought all you Wonketters had been shipped to Afghanistan, no one had lost any

    But here you are, with WAY more talent than simply typing curses and gross sexytime terms and forming words into libtardy tree huggery snark !

    Amazing work, all.

  • C_R_Eature

    I like # 6, with # 5 as a runner up.
    Why? they speak to me on some level and I've long since gone past the point of attempting to Explain Myself.
    There.

  • DDDintense

    As submitter #2, all I have to say is: "It's halftime"!!

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    I only voted once for myself, and then Mrs. Rants voted once for me. Then we made love atop a mountain of autographed George W. Bush autobiographies that the bookstore had hauled to the dump. We pretended they were Rachel Maddow books. Books are pokey.

  • lulzmonger

    The morning: this wins it!

    Every one of these RAWKS & Wonkette should appropriate them to illustrate future posts.

    I rated for #6, because I just have a soft spot for a cute tomboy liberal lesbian in a Mech battle-suit.

    FASTER, DOCTOR MADDOW, REFUTE, REFUTE!

  • fuflans

    meh.

    fucking plastic artists. so clever and professional in your 'two-dimensional depections of life and art'.

    • iburl

      which one was yours?

      • fuflans

        i would not make nasty snarky comments about those artists if had any talent in that way.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Good stuff, and 8 should win, even though I voted for 5.

  • mcrummett

    I love you, Wonkette!

  • thefrontpage

    Rachel, late last night at my funky little Adams Morgan apartment, looked over all of these, and, laughing, told me that they were great, but she really liked my personal, very erotic, private collage that I made of her, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Christy O'Connell and Lisa Markowitz the best. Then we collapsed together in a heaving, steaming torrid session of intense erotic machinations for several hours until we collapsed, spent, and then drifted off to a relaxing slumber.

  • iburl

    Dammit, I think I was out-cheated :(

  • ttommyunger

    NEEDZ MOAR BUTTSECKS!