We must kill the environment in order to save itMove over, Tennessee. Not only did Arizona get the same crazy John Birch email forward you did, but theirs has actually passed the Senate, a House committee, and (fingers crossed!) is ready to be heard by the whole Arizona House! To recap, for those who unaccountably missed this exact same goddamn story in Tennessee: Twenty years ago, under George H.W. Bush, the US signed onto a nice UN sustainability plan called the Rio Declaration on Environment and Development, or Agenda 21. Here is where Arizona differs from Tennessee: they have not said (to our knowledge) that Agenda 21 causes forced abortions. Here is where it is the same: they want to defund any programs for clean energy or energy efficiency, because “blackhelicoptersUNplotMicheleBachmanncrazeyesSatan.”

Give us the nitty-gritty, AZCentral:

Arizona “tea party” members are pushing through legislation to quash government-funded efforts to reduce pollution and improve energy efficiency in cities, counties and the state.

Opponents of Senate Bill 1507, sponsored by Sen. Judy Burges, R-Sun City West, say the bill would shut down any government-led environmental initiative, such as Energize Phoenix, a $25 million, stimulus-funded project to improve energy efficiency in homes and businesses along the light-rail corridors in central Phoenix.

Critics also say the bill is based on a tea-party conspiracy theory about a 1992 United Nations declaration.

Sen. Judy Burges has been busy, since being appointed to the Arizona Senate just three months ago.

Burges introduced the bill in February through a back door in the legislative process.

Originally, SB 1507 was a bill about “unemployment,” but through a strike-everything amendment with the purpose of a “technical correction,” Burges proposed substituting it with her measure, which won majority approval in the Senate Judiciary Committee and on the Senate floor.

Wes Harris, a Phoenix resident and tea-party member, also testified with Burges, repeating theories about the declaration that have been floated among conservative organizations such as the John Birch Society, which refer to the declaration as “Agenda 21.”

Harris claimed the declaration “is an attempt to implement a one-world order. It’s been going on for 20 years. It has not been ratified by the U.S. Senate. It has been snuck around the back door by the Clinton administration.”

Harris also said the declaration and its tenets are promoted by a German-based organization, ICLEI-Local Governments for Sustainability, which supports green initiatives in cities that pay it a membership fee.


The upshot of all this is that Arizona will never be able to have nice things, and when Phoenix is a ghost town because there is no more oil to run the air-chilling machines, Judy Burges and her crazy friend can feel very good about having taken a stand against the terrible plot that is solar power in a desert. Your editrix was once at an Eagle Forum convention (jealous?), and a lady panelist said, exact quote, “When I think of the environment, I think of trees falling on our children, whatever …” and then she trailed off into pin-pupiled silence. So the Arizona state Senate is basically that lady plus 29 or so more of her. Kill the environment! For the children.

[AZCentral, via ThinkProgress]

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  • nounverb911

    Just imagine Arizona without air conditioning.

  • HempDogbane

    But what about the light bulbs?

  • chascates

    Out of my cold dead hands.

    • extreme_left

      make that hot dead hands

  • Too much with the drinking of alkali water. Can Barry drop a Thorazine bomb on Arizona?

  • Barb

    Arizona: The place where hot water comes out of both taps and you can make instant sun tea. Good luck with that you cactus suckers!

    • Guppy

      I was up north last weekend and had actually forgotten what it was like to have cold running water. I've just gotten used to "hot" and "not hot."

      • Barb

        I'll be driving across Arizona in a few weeks and my husband and I are going to take turns driving so that one of us is free to "press ham" against the passenger side window the entire way.

        • Guppy

          Just so long as you don't do that online. They can arrest you for that there.

        • widestanceromance

          Pix to follow?

        • AlterNewt

          ..mmmm…pressed ham..

    • ThankYouJeebus

      If they're smart, they'll require fracking so later they can light a campfire with that water.

    • Biff

      When I lived in Death Valley (instead of Death Valley Adjacent, like now) we would shut off our water heaters in the summer months. Well water was hot enough, and storing water in an unheated water vessel kept it cool.

  • IncenseDebate

    Child killing trees wear hoodies.

    • freakishlywrong

      And eat Skittles. You water them with Arizona Tea..

      • If I were the Arizona Tea company, I'd carefully consider my affiliation with a state that may turn my product into a synonym for stupidity.

        Before you say it: BRAWNDO LIBEL!

        • Texan_Bulldog

          I believe Arizona Tea is actually a NY-based company. They had to release some kind of statement that they were not AZ-based (to avoid boycotts) after the brouhaha over the 'papers please' law.

          • Yes, they're based in Brooklyn, Red Hook to be precise. I ride my bike past their factory regularly. Right next to the IKEA store.

            Doesn't change the affiliation, tho. They may not be based there but they took on the name.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    There's an awful lot of back-door action going on in AZ, according to this post. Guess they don't necessarily need the lights on for that, but air-conditioning might be nice.

    • Used to be, they worried about stuff being rammed down their throats, but now that's panned out so they've gone double down on the stoopit and decided shit's getting shoved up their butts.

  • UnholyMoses

    West Florida strikes again.

    Your move, Kansas.

    • Try to keep up, UM.

      The Baja Nebraska Assembly of Representatives, Delegates and Mouthbreathers has had this under consideration for some time. We yield to no state (or "commonwealth," which means "socialism") in Tha Krayzee.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    The photo of that lovely lady has left me gasping for air.

    • UnholyMoses

      I'm finding it quite difficult to masturbate to …

      • Not_So_Much

        but not impossible…

        • It's like fapping to a picture of a Q-Tip as imagined by Caravaggio.

    • extreme_left


  • When did the UN become efficient?

    • Boehneriffic

      That's what I was thinking. Why are we so worried about a U.N. that couldn't conspire its way out of a pissed on paper sack?

    • Giveusabob

      And for that matter, when did the UN become effective at anything besides issuing decrees that get mostly ignored by its constituents? Teabaggers need to focus their conspiracy theories on international bodies with genuine capacity for mayhem, like …uh … Girl Scouts?

  • CivicHoliday

    Ok, AZ, you are welcome to stop following environmental regulations. And on that note, all the water and power and food you get from other states will be cut off. Enjoy your hot ass desert. Freedumb!

    • Well, that's fine and dandy, except, you know, real people live downwind from Arizona. Like Californians, and New Mexicans. And Texans. And Floridians. And New Yorkers.

      • CivicHoliday

        No worries. The Colorodo and Rio Grande rivers both skirt the borders, and it's a low wind power state, so most everything they shit out will stay right there. :D

  • SexySmurf

    It has been snuck around the back door by the Clinton administration.

    I think she's confusing Agenda 21 with 21 year-old interns.

  • Need…dome…over…Arizona…too much…insanity.

  • prommie

    Public transportation, too. Don't you see it, people? The liberals have this plan, to make the people docile and subserviant, by using this evil conspiracy called the "government." Their evil plot involves having this "government" provide the people with "services" and "public works," which will make the people become dependant on the "government." Then the liberals will steal our liberties and turn us into bus-riding, windmill-power using serfs!

  • spends2much

    I'd say they were crazy from the heat, but these tools probably A/C their houses (trailers?) to make them colder than a Canadian winter.

    Also, it's a Left Wing Conspiracy. What is, you ask? Everything!!

  • x111e7thst

    I hear some of the black helicopters have Mexicans in them.

    • Terry

      I hear that Arizona had Mexicans in it long before the teabaggers and retirees started showing up en masse.

    • Racist! Everyone knows Chicanos have low riders!

    • widestanceromance

      Special Agent Noonan is on the case.

    • Gleem McShineys


      I have seen quite a few movies where someone has been decapitated by helicopter blades, therefore, now you see: the headless corpses in the desert as told by Jan "Kunai Finger" Brewer? Totally true!

    • mrpuma2u

      Pleez spell it messican, thanx.

  • MittsHairHelmet

    No matter how hard they try, Arizona will never be as crazy as Florida. But they are really trying.


  • Not_So_Much

    Time to take the hair products down a notch Judy. You're experiencing some seepage.

  • pinkocommi

    Without airconditioning, Arizona would no longer have so many batshit crazies, which would finally make it a bearable place to live.

    • JustPixelz

      There's a serious sociological theory that the south's recent rise in population and influence is due to refrigeration and air-conditioning. Without those things, food spoils quickly (death tacos) and people die of heatstroke (death rays).

      The explanation for the crazy is along the lines of lingering, pre-coolant culture. Also in-breeding.

    • Giveusabob

      But then the crazies would flock northwards like reverse snowbirds! Maybe we could arrange trade w/ Mexico, crazies for drug gangsters? Although Mexico would probably (and rightly) think they're getting shafted with that deal.

  • Goonemeritus

    Arizona is only a legislative bill or two away from ass-chap wearing gangs roaming their dystopian highway system.

  • IncenseDebate

    Her hair is the trouble with tribbles.

  • iburl

    I love the smell of inefficiency in the morning!

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    is an attempt to implement a one-world order

    …and compete with Christianity?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    But it's a dry stupid.

    (Props to the Wonketteer who first posted this.)

  • …and when Phoenix is a ghost town because there is no more oil to run the air-chilling machines

    For that matter, where does a city full of people in the desert get its water from?

    Once upon a time, a bunch of Hank Reardons and Dagny Taggarts built a dam with their own capital and Randian superman skills.

    (For some reason, they named it the Theodore Roosevelt Dam. Does anyone know why they did that?)

    • It was built under the Newlands Reclamation Act of 1902. Roosevelt was President.

    • James Michael Curley

      Because "Hygienic Dental Dam" was taken?

      • As were Amster and Rotter

        • Lascauxcaveman

          As was Shithelland.

    • Terry

      "For that matter, where does a city full of people in the desert get its water from?"

      By entirely using the flow of a number of rivers. Google around and see what the use of water in the U.S. southwest has done to the Gulf of California and the Colorado River.

      • True dat. In fact, if I had to place a bet where the next Civil War breaks out in this century, it's the nexus of Nevada, Arizona, California and Colorado.

        SOMEbody's going to get shorted on their water allotment and be very very unhappy.

        Of course, the Fed won't be able to step in because HELLO TEABAGGERS!

  • samsuncle

    Is there any issue that the Tea Party believes is NOT an attempt to implement a one-world order?

    • Lower taxes.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Deporting browns back to messico.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Allowing lots and lots of guns (ironically, a large number of guns would be required to implement a one world order)

    • Terry

      Tea baggers have an unusually level of confidence in our government's ability to run massive conspiracies and secret campaigns. The UN, too.

      • GeorgiaBurning

        which is very odd considering the "government can't do anything right" rhetoric they also promote.

  • WiscDad

    There's a lot of back-dooring going on in this story

    • widestanceromance

      But without the happy ending.

  • edgydrifter

    If you saw a thousand wild-eyed Arizonan conservatives on their knees in the desert, furiously stabbing the ground with Bowie knives, you would understand legislation like this. Pouring gasoline on a tree, lighting it up with a road flare and flipping it off while it explodes into a greasy-smoked pyre is their idea of "good stewardship of the Earth."

    • HELisforHEL

      I worked for a company that had a Phoenix office. I remember a number of their programmers telling me how they used to heat up quarters with a lighter and then offer them to 'the bums' (as they called them) for fun. What lovely people.

      Let the water stop flowing, let them all dessicate as they drive across the desert to escape in their SUVs. Few will be missed.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, of course — when a group of nations agrees to work towards a common goal, this has the appearance of a government because — well — don't governments start with a plan and then implement it? So clearly the only way Arizona will be able to fight the coming one world government is to never do anything planned, organized, or that anyone else wants to do or finds sensible. And they're well on their way.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I blame the Amish. All those barns go up, nobody pays a dime to anybody.

      Where the hell is the good in that?!

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Sorry, Judy. Plain old Bircher crazy barely moves the wacko-meter in Arizona, you'll need to come up with something better to make the playoffs.

  • Next she'll complain about the Parks Service at the Grand Canyon.

    What a waste of money, protecting a hole in the ground when there's work to be done and jobs to be had filling it in!

    • Fill in the dam hole!

      • President Obama! Tear down this hole!

        • widestanceromance

          That's what Brewer was telling O on the tarmac.

    • sullivanst

      Fill it with uranium tailings!

  • SorosBot

    Hey, I'm all for this; they';re only fucking their own people over, and the people of Arizona elected that state legislature and Jan Brewer and so deserve it.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Except for those 30 – 49%* of those Arizonans who didn't vote for them.

      *depending on which particular clown you're talking about

  • DalePues


    • James Michael Curley

      During the 64 campaign his slogan was "In your heart you know he's right." The other side added 'and in your guts you know he's nuts." But Goldwater was the paragon of reason compared to what comes out of AZ these days.

      • larrykat

        Bestest quote ever by Goldwater:

        "Mark my word, if and when these preachers get control of the Republican party, and they're sure trying to do so, it's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried to deal with them." – Barry Goldwater

  • WiscDad

    I didn't know Arizona even HAD trees

    • Biff

      They also have saguaro cacti, which like most Arizonans, need help remaing erect.

    • jodyleek

      They do, but I believe Judy here has appropriated all of them to act as supports for her hair-don't.

  • ElPinche

    Please Obama, summon some researchers to find the gas leak in Arizona.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Umm…are there any SANE people left in that whole damn state?

    • Biff

      Not since this.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      They live on reservations.

  • StarsUponThars

    I once overheard a 'Bagger mention Agenda 21. I asked him what that was. His eyes got big as pies as he said, "Are you sure you want to know? Because once you do … [lowers voice ominously] … YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME."

  • widestanceromance

    But, without air conditioning, how will Brewer keep her distressed Naugahyde casing from cracking?

  • Harris claimed the declaration “is an attempt to implement a one-world order. It’s been going on for 20 years.

    20 years–the one-world order people aren't very efficient at this.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Ah, the One World Government conspiracy. Because, y'know, that's going just swimmingly over in Europe these days. I like how they that the government(s) which are pulling these plans off is the same one that couldn't even maintain the goddamned levees in New Orleans.

  • JustPixelz

    The one world order we're getting is from sending our money to buy petroleum from people who hate us. The money we spend on gasoline every few seconds represents al Queda's cost of the 9/11 attacks. Thanks SUV drivers!

  • fartknocker

    The stupid is strong in Arizona.

    OT: I turned down some consulting work in that state last week because AZ apparently has wierd rules regarding engineering reciprocity. When I talked to the nice man at their State's board of engineer licensing, he said it best: "Don't be suprised, this is Arizona."

  • Lascauxcaveman

    stimulus-funded project to improve energy efficiency in homes and businesses along the light-rail corridors in central Phoenix.

    Wait, what? Phoenix has light rail?

    Those fucking commies are already gay-married to energy efficiency.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Phoenix light rail will soon be converted to run on coal. Lets make that carbon footprint a size 12 in your face, UN libruls!

  • UnholyMoses

    Ya know, for a bunch of people who are allegedly fiscally conservative, they sure do seem willing to pay a shit-ton more than is actually needed for their energy .

    Whether it's the morons turning on all their lights in protest of some hippie-based enviro idea, or those who go around driving their cars as much as possible to fill the atmosphere with more CO2, time and again they have proven they have the same grasp on fiscal matters as they do on … well, discernible reality.

    Which isn't good.

    • Biff

      I know those people! They refuse to conserve, because when rationing becomes reality (and they KNOW it will!) it'll be based upon prior consumption, so the more we use today, the more we'll be allotted in the future. Brilliant, I tells ya!

  • Selfish_T

    If your city has any plans — no matter how moderate — for making transportation and development more humane and sustainable, get your friends together and go support them at public meetings. Because these Agenda 21 people are likely to be there, they love shouting, and they are 100% removed from reality.

    Your local progressive city planners and engineers

    • Biff

      I'm surrounded by those morans. On a clear night, I can see the flashing red light from Art Bell's radio transmitter…

  • larrykat

    I actually READ Agenda 21! Check out his hippie shit:

    8. (a) Efforts should be undertaken towards the greening of the world.
    All countries, notably developed countries, should take positive and
    transparent action towards reforestation, afforestation and forest
    conservation, as appropriate.

    Who the fuck do they think they're kidding?

  • Biff
  • HELisforHEL

    Clearly Senator Judy's hair-helmet is on too tight.

  • Redhead

    Good God. That lady's hair is so big, it would block the sun from reaching the solar panels anyway.

  • I keep wanting news like this to be misplaced Onion parodies. Then I find out people really said these things and I want to hide under my bed until all the crazies go away.

  • owhatever

    Arizona, worth not fighting for.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      General Sherman once said it took one war to take Arizona from the Mexicans, and that we should have another one to make them take it back. Another case where that man was right.

  • Quayle2012_KNOT

    Reagan had it right: "Trees cause more pollution than cars." We don't need environmental protection, we need protection from the environment.

  • Barrelhse

    I am thoroughly impressed with the IQ of Arizona legislators. I'm sure it accurately reflects that of the voters.

  • mavenmaven

    One doesn't need that much air conditioning in Arizona trailer parks, you just sit out all day in lawn chairs wearing beer stained underwear.

  • Note to UN: Do not use "Agenda" in the name of any proposal. Try using the words "Freedom" or "Cheetos."

  • HelmutNewton

    "Critics also say the bill is based on a tea-party conspiracy theory about a 1992 United Nations declaration."

    I'm just shocked, SHOCKED that teabaggers would engage in wild, irresponsible conspiracy theories.

  • Boojum

    Rebecca, will you gay marry me, so I can have your baby? I mean, if I was gay, and not married, and had lady bits?

    I'm still laughing at the pin pupiled tree hater.

  • DahBoner

    light-rail corridors

    Ha! Another libbyroll lie!

    There's no such thing as 'light' rail.

    This guy was drunk one night and tried to lift up the train track and it wouldn't even budge it was so heavy…

  • GemlikeFlame

    I had to read this three times to make sure I understood it. A 1992 UN declaration about something fairly noncontroversial is inflated to the level of an conspiracy by the Clinton administration to create a totalitarian world government, which is somehow aided by
    initiatives to improve energy efficiency?

    Weren't this same set of loons screaming bloody murder about limits to oil drilling in the name of increasing energy independence from the Middle East?

    No, I guess I don't understand this after all.

  • CrazyLikeFox

    Just put in a very polite call to Sen. Burges's office.

    Unfortunately, her staff assistant couldn't tell me whether Burges supports the rights of other states (you know, that "states rights" thing) to cut off their water and electrical supplies to a state — say, Arizona — that prohibits the sustainability practices the supplier states require and depend upon.

    Of course, this is just an academic question, because Arizona doesn't depend on water from the entire western United States to survive in the middle of the desert.

  • jzgplj

    I did not know you could fit SO much stupid in one state.

  • ttommyunger

    But at least the idiots are all the right height.

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