TODAY IN INTELLECTUALISM  4:50 pm April 4, 2012

Conservatives Wonder: If Obama Hates Paul Ryan’s Plan So Much, Why Can’t We Feed Park Animals?

by Jim Newell

Only give them alcoholThere is a fantastic new, although possibly old, line of argumentation gaining traction among the more blowhardy blow-hards on the rightward end of the political spectrum: park animals: why won’t President Obama repeal the laws that forbid people from feeding animals at national parks, now that he’s leveraging the term “Social Darwinism” in its most epithetical sense to attack the Paul Ryan budget? Why does the President insist on preserving social insurance programs for one set of animals, Humans, while denying them for another set, the bison of the plains and so forth? Ha ha, gotcha! Hypocrite! Resign! Oy. Expect to hear much more of this typically empathetic analogy comparing humans to animals in the months ahead, as the Class War rages.

National Review’s Andy McCarthy, a lively, disturbed fool whose highlights include a condemnation of the media for not adequately describing the poor first pitch President Obama delivered at a baseball game as well as believing the theory that Bill Ayers wrote Obama’s first book, lays out this dumb animal thing in one of the funnier posts we’ll see for some time:

In light of his froth over this Ryanesque scourge of “Social Darwinism,” does the president favor repealing the laws that prohibit Americans from feeding the animals at the national parks that Obama risibly accuses Representative Ryan of trying to shut down?

You’ve probably seen the signs — they befoul the scenery throughout the Grand Canyon, Acadia, Yellowstone, the Everglades, Yosemite, etc. No food for the fauna. The Darwinists at the U.S. Park Service claim that animals must learn to fend for themselves if they are to survive and thrive. When you feed animals, the bureaucrats coldly explain, they become dependents and no longer function as nature intends. They lose their capacity to make their own way. They fill up on foods that are harmful to their digestive systems. There is a dulling of the instincts that help wildlife avoid danger — they lose the fear of humans and cars, leading many of them to be killed while expecting to find food on the roadside. Some signs are downright mean in admonishing: “A fed animal is a dead animal.”

Mr. President, where is the empathy?

As always, we would like to remind you that Andy McCarthy — the fellow who just typed out that argument — is a former federal prosecutor.

And Rush Limbaugh is making the same argument, too! The conservative machine has settled on something; it’s moving, folks, and by Friday we’ll be hearing Justice Antonin Scalia hissing about park animal regulations in a case about property taxes or something unrelated:

There are at least two ways to debunk this funny animal argument:

  • The non-engaging way: What the fuck are you talking about, comparing feeding rules for animals in parks to fucking Medicare and stuff? What is wrong with you? Did you have actual clown makeup on, while you spewed out this crap? Just look at your choice of analogy! And you call liberals condescending to the American public?
  • The engaging way: Once the animals realize that another species will not be feeding them, they will be welcome to find solutions on their own that work out for the collective benefit of all animals. They can decide as a group, for example, to each put a little bit of their animal money in a group fund and then receive benefits from that fund when they’re retired, infirm animals. This will be hard, of course, because animals do not generally possess the critical thinking skills that humans, with the exception of Andy McCarthy and Rush Limbaugh, do. But they can still all learn to gather sticks and stuff together, or whatever.
  • It’s best to just stick with the non-engaging way.

    (Ha, we just googled “national park don’t feed the animals” to grab a picture for this post and dozens of obscure wingnut blogs popped up in the results. But go ahead, guys. Go ahead and try to feed those hungry grizzly bears from the palm of your hand, while taunting them. Then you might understand why the rules exist.)

    [via Digby]

     
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{ 283 comments }

nounverb911 April 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Animals are people too, my friends.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Just look at Daniel "Fuck You" Patterson for proof.

CommieLibunatic April 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

And some people are animals.

ElPinche April 4, 2012 at 7:26 pm

And animals are made of meat, just like you and me.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Romney: And, where do you think the money goes?

Crowd: In their furry little pockets!

Biel_ze_Bubba April 5, 2012 at 3:56 am

Today, we are all park animals … as far as the GOP is concerned.

sewollef April 5, 2012 at 8:31 am

What's with all this "park animals" this, "park animals" that?

Is that what we're calling those poor chaps who shiver outside snooty restaurants waiting to park your fucking hummer, so you can go in and chow down while they "park" your ride?

Park animals! Really? Why not just call them messicans like we used to….

James Michael Curley April 5, 2012 at 9:05 am

You do not live in NYC. Here if you gave a stranger the keys to your Hummer in two days it would be armored and escorting a Los Zetas general to some fancy Guadalajara "Snooty Restaurant".

actor212 April 5, 2012 at 9:46 am

Or in some avant garde art installation in a precious neighborhood in Brooklyn

GemlikeFlame April 5, 2012 at 6:19 am

All animals are equal. Some animals are more equal than others.

Barb April 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

If Palin is picked for the VEEP slot she will just shoot all of the animals in the parks from a helicopter. Problem solved!

nounverb911 April 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Won't the armed bears shoot back?

Barb April 4, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Well, they have the right to bear arms.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

With bear arms bared.

Jukesgrrl April 4, 2012 at 8:09 pm

"I can see a National Park from my porch!"

James Michael Curley April 5, 2012 at 9:15 am

I can see Sandy Hook from my porch. The only bears out there hang out in Gunnison Beach.

Jukesgrrl April 8, 2012 at 2:51 am

Sandy Hook … I'm so jealous.Not that I don't have sand for miles around.It's just not connected to an ocean unless … “California tumbles into the sea,” as Steely Dan put it.

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Normally I wouldn't admit I know about this band (because they are douches) but this song seems right.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkTrzavGmIw

C_R_Eature April 5, 2012 at 6:13 am

MOD, huh? Years ago one of my asshole technicians gave me this mix tape to listen to ("Check this out, it's wild!"). It sounded like what they play at a fucked-up Stormfront house party. This was the only song on it that didn't infuriate me.
I gave it back ("No thanks, man. I'm into Music.")

tihond April 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

BEAR LIBEL!

Gratuitous World April 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I really thought McCarthy + Limbaugh were going to agree with the President on this.

Jim Newell April 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

ok fine

BarackMyWorld April 4, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Limbaugh has been saying for years he was on the "cutting edge of societal evolution," which was a direct lift from Social Darwinist theory.

Of course, he's probably too ignorant to know that.

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I'm too ignorant to know that.

Schmegeg April 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Or: Go ahead motherfucker, feed that bear.

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Do you double dog dare me?

OzoneTom April 4, 2012 at 8:03 pm

If you coat your child's hand with peanut butter you should be able to get some marvelous pictures of the adorable creature licking it off.

sewollef April 5, 2012 at 8:37 am

No, no, no… peanut butter is highly processed, and contains all sorts of crap.

Jesus H. Cristo! That would be bad for the bear. They need red meat… not skimpy meat-like product slathered with hydrogenated, emulsified 'peanut' butter.

Come on where's your compassion?

coolhandnuke April 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Lindsay has been feeding the grizzly bears for years. Or, they've been feeding him.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I suspect many of them shave first, tho

An_Outhouse April 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm

" Would you like some tasty Graham Cracker?"

Fare la Volpe April 5, 2012 at 6:25 am

This is the filthiest thing ever posted on Wonkette. Well done!

SorosBot April 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm

So the National Review believes that poor people are animals, and should be left to eat other poor people or starve to death? No new news here really.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Y'know, you'd think McCarthy would be all "socialism, feeding animals handouts!" but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

GuyClinch April 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Can we make an exception and say it's okay to feed McCarthy and Limbaugh to the animals, preferably grizzlies who like to toy with their prey before doing them in?

Radio福井県 April 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I was thinking feed them Ryan.

Lascauxcaveman April 4, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Pick one particularly obnoxious conservative and do one each week. Put it on pay-per-view, use the proceeds to fund National Parks.

Win-win.

Jukesgrrl April 4, 2012 at 8:11 pm

I'll make the popcorn.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 5, 2012 at 4:05 am

But the animals would get used to it, and … umm … OK, never mind.

V572 Hogan Gidley April 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Ryan's too stringy and lean, and his hair's all greasy.

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 8:54 pm

EDDIE MUNSTER LIBEL!

V572 Hogan Gidley April 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

He’s blah Irish, apparently

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Killer whales love to do that, too, and it'd be much more entertaining to watch in water. You know, Rush just bobbing up and down like some overweight elephant seal.

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Uhhhh. You feed the animals they get used to humans feeding them. They get used to humans feeding them they expect it. When humans don't have food then the animals make humans food. When the animals make humans food Little Billy has to go to the hospital because of a bob cat attack. Little Billy goes to the hospital for a bob cat attack his daddy is asked for insurance. Little Billy's dad doesn't have insurance because of Paul Ryan. We Pay for Little Billy's bob cat attack.

bureaucrap April 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Clearly the answer is to let the bobcat eat little Billy entirely. Child sacrifice — it's a win-win! And since the children have already been born, it's not abortion!

terriblyfamous April 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm

It's not abortion – it's bobcat empathy.

Generation[redacted] April 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

And that's why, since Medicare was instituted, we've had a dramatic surge in little old ladies attacking people, expecting to get hip replacements.

Callyson April 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Should have caught this before I commented.

And I seriously think the Reeps' response would be to tell Little Billy that he can get a job as a janitor to pay for his medical bills…

Assholes. I say we throw them on the ice and let the Philadelphia Flyers treat him like they treat Sid the Kid…

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Hey now. I'm a Pens fan. Be nice

Callyson April 4, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Dude, I am too–that's my hometown. Wish I could throw that Flyer to the wolves…

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Looks like there will b a Penn cup this year. I don't care what Pittsburgh does in the playoffs as long as they winn the Penn Cup.

sullivanst April 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Don't pay for Little Billy's bobcat attack. Get rid of Goobers, and upgrade to Democrats.

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 5:56 pm

This comment makes my snark feel fuzzy. I didn't even see what I did there. Well played my friend *doffing my cap* well played.

BlueStateLibel April 4, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Sssshhhh, don't tell them that. Tell them the mean Obama is preventing them from feeding wild animals.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 9:38 pm

When humans don't have food then the animals make humans food.

Not surprising they didn't follow the logic through. Not feeding the animals is for our benefit and safety, primarily.

Generation[redacted] April 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm

"There is a dulling of the instincts that help wildlife avoid danger — they lose the fear of humans and cars, leading many of them to be killed while expecting to find food on the roadside."

They have a point. You saw in Florida what happens when blah people lose their fear of gated communities.

Lascauxcaveman April 4, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Ugh. Don't get me started on the local deer. I live about a mile from the entrance to a natl park. We have deer all over the road. NOT afraid of cars, so you better slow down if you see one even close to the road.

Of course people ignore those signs. You can hardly get up to Hurricane Ridge on a summer Saturday with all the nimrods stopped in the middle of the road, handing Bambi a Big Mac and fries.

widestanceromance April 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I'd love to watch a Republican feed a bear by holding a hot dog between their teeth to entice them. Who wouldn't?

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

The bear might get turned off by the disturbing way the frank goes in and out so reflexively, however.

widestanceromance April 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm

That was the first time in my life I've used the word, 'hot dog' without some sort of innuendo involved. I will not let it happen again.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:18 pm

The door was wide open. I hope you don't mind that I took it.

widestanceromance April 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm

You said, 'I took it.' heh, heh

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm

You said "wide open". Heh.

bagofmice April 4, 2012 at 10:10 pm

You said 'hope you', heh.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I propose we test his theory by feeding McCarthy to some honey badgers.

MittsHairHelmet April 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Allow me to translate wingnut into english:

Feeding animals = food stamps.
Black people get food stamps.
Therefore Black people = Animals.

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 6:16 pm

How exatly do I link to your blog? Is it through the American Eagle Forem or through a skin head neo-nazi site that is being supressed by the liberal meaid because of all the "Real Truth" it expouses?

DrunkIrishman April 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

God, they're not even clever.

V572 Hogan Gidley April 4, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Not since Bill Buckley kicked off. He was the last one. He was also a religious zealot, a bigot and an asshole to his kid. But he was funny.

Oblios_Cap April 5, 2012 at 9:00 am

You know you're in trouble when Jonah is the "intellectual" standbearer of your movement.

MissTaken April 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

If you do feed the animals, please remember that tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Now you're just lion!

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Ohhhhhh if this starts a pun thread I can't bear it.

tessiee April 5, 2012 at 10:02 am

That would just panda to our worst instincts.

smokefilledroommate April 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

"Have you ever been to a National Park in this country? Have you ever been to Yosemite, the Grand Canyon or any place like that?"

"No."

Gotta love a conservative audience!

BerkeleyBear April 4, 2012 at 5:25 pm

But they've been to the Wal-Mart right next door to those places.

Jukesgrrl April 4, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Or the Payless Liquor store across the street from The Alamo. Never forget!

PubOption April 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

And she works 12 or 13 hours a day, 6 days a week. She's obviously not compromised her principles and gone for a Union job.

Toomush_Infer April 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I'd love to feed Rush to a bear or two….

elviouslyqueer April 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

What have those poor bears ever done to you?

HippieEsq April 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

that's a bear feast of epic proportions. It might take full-blown bear JAMBOREE to finish off that massive carcass.

tessiee April 5, 2012 at 10:03 am

I think he prefers the slim, prepubescent type to bears.

sullivanst April 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Sadly, the Wookie defense has proven to be a very successful campaign tool.

Callyson April 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm

why won’t President Obama repeal the laws that forbid people from feeding animals at national parks

FFS, for the same reason that there are signs all over Griffith Park telling people not do do this: people are not supposed to feed the animals because that makes animals get over their fear of humans and become more aggressive, plus then they can lose their ability to hunt for food themselves, which means good luck if they have an empty stomach and no campers are around.

Jesus, the wingnuts are not even trying anymore…

Chet Kincaid April 4, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Bless your heart. His point is that poor people are no better than animals, and to be consistent, Obama should have the same rules for poor people that he has for park animals.

Callyson April 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Ah, then the poors should have to hunt for their food. How very civilized…

…then again, if they turned some Reeps into Soylent Green, there would be an upside to that idea. Now I haz a confused…

Generation[redacted] April 4, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Because the poor have lost their fear of people Real Americans, that's why they come into town looking for food. We want to discourage them from doing that.

James Michael Curley April 5, 2012 at 9:30 am

Bears in Griffith Park? Sal Mineo was no bear.

i_AM_ready April 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

"…by Friday we’ll be hearing Justice Antonin Scalia hissing about park animal regulations in a case about property taxes or something…"

Thank you! This morning I was so happy to glance at the morning paper and see Maureen Dowd call Scalia, Roberts, Clarence and Alito political hacks. This needs to become a thing. Scalia is off the rails, but I wonder if Kennedy might think twice about Obamacare if he starts having nightmares about his obituary saying "noted political fixer."

BarackMyWorld April 4, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Chris Hayes had a good piece on this when he guest-hosted The Rachel Maddow Show last week: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315908/#46900242

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 9:49 pm

When perpetually off-in-her-own-reality Maureen Dowd gets it, then we really have a problem.

I, too, don't get why this hasn't become more of a thing. Maybe, it's because we can't do anything about it? Even the so-called mild-tempered conservatives on the court as political hacks. There is nothing equivalent on the other side of the court. Ginsberg is about as closes as you get to an equivalent, and she is nowhere near as linked to the Democratic Party as the other four are to the Republican Party. It's not even that they are ideological, because if they were, they'd be for smaller government. They are for the Republican Party first and before anything else.

fuflans April 4, 2012 at 10:05 pm

i don't know, the economist and new yorker talked about it last week. and i've heard about four different npr programs talk about it –

oh yeah, right, THOSE sources.

carry on.

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 11:08 pm

It's because the SCOTUS knew how big this case is so they released same-day audio to REALLY throw gas on the fire. Since everyone can hear actual sound bites that same afternoon on teh eevnin newz, citizens suddenly realized what an unsavory character this "Scalia" fellow is. They don't like that Obummercare, but they also don't like that scalito's tone either.

SayItWithWookies April 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Oh, Republicans — we hate them because they care so much.

Jukesgrrl April 4, 2012 at 8:24 pm

About everything except people.

HarryButtle April 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I encourage Andy McCarthy to feed the bears. Preferably while wearing a salmon toque.

V572 Hogan Gidley April 4, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Something like this?
http://www.freewebs.com/teejo/disco/06trout1.jpg

Great album, BTW.

Angry_Marmot April 4, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Okay, sure, Weekend at Bernie's II wasn't his best work, but…

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

It was posited on September 12, 2001 that irony died.

Well, only on the right…only on the right.

Toomush_Infer April 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Damn you Guy Clinch!….

HippieEsq April 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

My reply is somewhat engaging: "Don't Feed the Corporations or the Right Wing Bloggers, Either"

Extemporanus April 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Social Darwinism is no pic-a-nic, Boo-Boo!

Chet Kincaid April 4, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Hey-hey-hey-HEY!

Generation[redacted] April 4, 2012 at 7:26 pm

"Hey Boo-Boo, I'm smarter than the average blogger"

weejee April 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Feed away!!! Let the visitors take videos of Ma 'n the kids riding one of them thar grizzlies.

A new take on guess who's coming to dinner.

Toomush_Infer April 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Do I get a free Ipad – I listened to the whole silly thing!…

Steverino247 April 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

There are two reasons why those signs are there:

1) People who try to feed wild animals will often become the food item those animals consume. Then, the animal has to be destroyed for fear the animal has learned that fat, stupid people taste better than other kinds of prey. Since the humans are fat and stupid, they become easier prey to kill and eat than other prey animals.

2) People will feed animals the same shit they eat, which will make the animals as sick as the fat, stupid humans who fed them that shit in the first place.

(There's also a thought that being photographed with fat, stupid humans holding out shitty food-like substances and saying things like "Looky here, Clem!" will embarass the animals when the word gets around.)

Loaded_Pants April 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Damn. The first thing that came to mind was your point #2. Ya beat me to it.

MissTaken April 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Keep feeding those bears, you idiots. The 2012 Darwin Awards need some new contestants.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Kinda like….this?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 4, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Seriously. I am so fucking angry right now, I will buy one thousand dollars in steaks and give them to conservative media people on the sole proviso that they hand feed 'em to grizzlies during mating season.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Sell it to them as authorized conservative camping gear and bear repellent.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm

sprayed down with safe and edible ammonium nitrate!

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Pepper spray is just a condiment!

edgydrifter April 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

From the many times I've seen majestic, dangerous animals getting fucked with by dipshit tourists who "jus wanna lil' picture of Billy sharing his sammich with the buffalo/moose/bear/alligator," I've concluded those rules aren't there to protect the wildlife.

littlebigdaddy April 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I think we should make an exception for wingtards. They are allowed to feed the grizzly bears in Yellowstone all the raw meat they can pack in. As long as they don't carry pepper spray.

prommie April 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid cunts. my greatest failure is that I still live here in this land of fucking belligerent, proud morons.

HippieEsq April 4, 2012 at 5:12 pm

But our greatest success lies in not letting them take it from us. conundrums…heavy shit!

edgydrifter April 4, 2012 at 5:18 pm

You're really having a hell of a day there. You need to find yourself a hug and a bong hit, stat.

OzoneTom April 4, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Are we neighbors?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 4, 2012 at 9:58 pm

not enough upfists. Just not enough upfists.

SayItWithWookies April 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Dear animals — I know this argument might fool you, as you generally live outdoors, red in tooth and claw, pushing the little one out of the nest and all just to get the biggest scraps of regurgitated bass that mom and dad bring home, and thus not having the benefits of polite society. But don't be fooled by Mr. McCarthy's argument. Anytime a conservative expresses an interest in the well-being of some creature other than himself, there's an ulterior motive. Just ask the last people they cared about — fetuses, Iraqi women and children, and — yeah, that's probably the whole gamut.

Gleem McShineys April 4, 2012 at 7:58 pm

ANIMALS: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE CONCERN TROLLS

LastGasp April 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I bear no ill will, but I'd be lion if I said Andy McCarthy and Rush Limbaugh weren't loons.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Who gnu?

Toomush_Infer April 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Rush should really be wearing zebra….

Lascauxcaveman April 4, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Always carping about idiotic thing.

bureaucrap April 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

McCarthy is actually writing specifically IN FAVOR of Social Darwinism. I think his point is that he wants Barry to put up signs all over America's cities that say "Don't feed the people!"

uhhhh… unlike most animals, humans are capable of designing their social environment. Humans are not at the mercy of their environment; we don't HAVE to let our weakest and most vulnerable die. Moreover, animals don't create entire *classes* of weak and vulnerable members of their species specifically in order to exploit the s&^'t out of them.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm

The Darwinists at the U.S. Park Service claim that animals must learn to fend for themselves if they are to survive and thrive.

Claim?! Must learn?! What in the goddamn hell… kids, your country is shot to fuck and back because peaceful Christians love guns, because we believe in invisible shit that doesn't exist, because our dissonance suggests prayer (doing nothing) helps (does nothing), and because we can anthropomorphize the instinctive behavior of animals.

I am thawing out Walt Disney and kicking his ass. Between him and teevee preachers, I am ready to start hitting things — and I may never stop.

Stevola April 4, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Damn. Only plus one for hitting the thumby thing. That's at least +10

HarryButtle April 4, 2012 at 5:15 pm

You gotta give 'em points for putting up a unified front…how do they coordinate this shit? Do they sit in a chat room all night, trying to figure out what they're all gonna say the next day? And how the fuck did they arrive at and agree upon this spectacular analogy?

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Google "blast fax"

MissTaken April 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Watch Outfoxed. Seriously. It's the Fox News Talking Points that go out each morning.

north_of_moscow April 4, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I think it's "Mallard Fillmore."

flamingpdog April 4, 2012 at 11:33 pm

aka Donald Dickless.

Karma_Suture April 5, 2012 at 1:22 am

"…how do they coordinate this shit?"

Here ya go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA37cb10WMU

bureaucrap April 5, 2012 at 10:15 am

Indeed, there are offices on both sides (DNC/CAP and RNC/Heritage) that do nothing but sit in rooms and come up with talking points that they blast fax to congressional offices and sympathetic media as soon as possible. It used to be that it was only one cycle of this a day, but now, it can be as many as five or six, depending on what is happening. Nice work if you can get it.

widestanceromance April 4, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Welfare queen bears driving Cadillacs all over the place, begging for free contraception and slurping Christian blood. Laugh all you want now, because it won't be funny when they come for your guns!

Fine, but drug test them first.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 9:59 pm

But, but, the constitution gives us the right to bear arms. It's right there in the document; the bears aren't entitled to their arms.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 4, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Tell you what, we can pass the Ryan Budget as soon as they agree that we will manage the entire US population as if it were a National Park. Tranquilizer darts and Tracking Collars for all! Heck, the GOP should love that.

Rotundo_ April 4, 2012 at 5:50 pm

First we would have to decide on a uniform set of criteria on which to tag, track and likely neuter assholes in the wild. The republican donor lists should make for a good start. Dart 'em, neuter 'em, ear tag 'em and release them back into the wild to winnow down the population to more manageable levels.

glamourdammerung April 4, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Great. Now we know what the next anti-abortion bill is going to contain.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 4, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Heck, contraception bill. But as Rush Limbaugh taught us, think of all the benefits if the sluts who use contraception can easily be tracked.

SorosBot April 4, 2012 at 5:25 pm

And you know who else believed in social Darwinism?

No, really; I can't believe they're actually openly supporting an idea that's been discredited dead for three quarters of a century, in large part because of who it's biggest supporters were.

BarackMyWorld April 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Herbert Spencer (who very much sounds like a modern American conservative in a lot of his writings)?

MadBrahms April 4, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I have always wondered why Darwin was so complimentary toward Spencer in his work. Social Darwinism is not actually very Darwinian.

Of course, conservative pundits sometimes dogwhistle their support for even the battiest creationism(s), so it's not exactly a shock that they can't tell the difference.

Chet Kincaid April 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Social Darwinism came out of the U.S. and England in the 1870s-80s, so don't give Adolf credit for this novel thinking. He was rather impressed with how we treated the Indians, also.

Loaded_Pants April 4, 2012 at 7:37 pm

He liked forced sterilization, too. Another wonderful product of the U S of A.

BarackMyWorld April 5, 2012 at 12:38 am

Like most things, Adolf took an idea that was already bad, then added his own special kind of extreme crazy too it, to give it that one-of-a-kind Nazi flavor.

Oblios_Cap April 5, 2012 at 9:03 am

Eugenics is just delayed abortion!

doloras April 5, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Hitler was a Social Darwinist towards the non-Germans, not the poors, though. Poor Germans got income support, cheap Volkswagens, etc, to be paid for later by pillaging the wealth of the entire European continent. In fact, Hitler was the consummate wingnut, in that he was in favour of welfare if it was for "his people" and them alone.

Deportably_Jose April 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

So, the wingnut rebuttal to Obama's accusation that the Republican agenda is little more than Social Darwinism, writ large, is basically as follows:

"On the other hand, Darwinism! Applied to Society!"

Good point there, right?

Chill-A-Sketch April 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Keep fucking that chicken, Republicans!

Biel_ze_Bubba April 5, 2012 at 3:54 am

But a fucked chicken is a dead chicken, innit?

Deportably_Jose April 4, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Also, "a fed animal is a dead animal" doesn't have anything to do with the idea that animals get overfed and soft because of human food. It's because they get habituated to human food and start to encroach on human campgrounds. Which is to say, bears eat you. Bears eat your face, if you feed park animals.

"A fed animal is a dead animal" is because after the bears eat you, because you fed them, the park rangers have to shoot them.

So, in this analogy, it's actually a great deal more like corporate welfare

LastGasp April 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm

So, if we give corporations welfare we get to shoot the corporate fat cats? Hmm, you may be onto a splendid idea here, sir.

Generation[redacted] April 4, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Ranger Smith! Exxon stole my pic-a-nic basket!

DustBowlBlues April 4, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Facts, Schmacts. Halfway through your reasonable explanation to one of these wingers, they would start yelling about Nobama socializing the National Parks (doesn't make sense either, but when did making sense matter to a Republicnut and his pea brain?) and turning them into "reeducation" camps where white girls are forced to have sex with big, black guys. Or something.

Seriously, do these people ever beam down from Planet Fox and spend a minute or two here in reality? PS Fuck Republicans.

An Asexual Ungulate April 4, 2012 at 5:32 pm

…what? I want to be snarky about it, but this line of reasoning doesn't even make sense to me. In any way.

…these people all have brain damage, right? That's the punch line? That we're reading arguments presented by people who are mentally unwell?

sullivanst April 4, 2012 at 6:05 pm

As I implied here, if Chebacca lives on Endor, you must vote for my guy.

BarackMyWorld April 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"I was glad Obama called it 'Social Darwinism,' because that's what it is. I can't wait to see the rightwing indignation over the use of that term in the next few days."
-posted by me, last night, replying to Radio福井県

For the record: Yes, it was totally worth the wait.

DustBowlBlues April 4, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Well, aren't you just a smarty pants?

BornInATrailer April 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Just you watch. This is all the excuse Bryan Fischer will need to rattle off another "kill all the bears" story.

And I mean actual bears, not the other kind. Though of course he'd kill them too.

Deportably_Jose April 4, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I don't see what has these guys' dander up, anyway. Under the Paul Ryan budget, there won't be any National Parks any more. And thus, no more signs! Or possibly, wild animals!

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 9:07 pm

They paved paradise, and put up a gated community.

Slim_Pickins April 4, 2012 at 5:41 pm

And while we are at it, why didn't any of the GOP presidential candidates defend the penny against extinction by the socialist US Treasury, the Lincoln penny is the bulwark of the US dollar, if it goes, eventually so does the dollar. I'm looking at you Michele, this important issue was yours for the taking.

Jukesgrrl April 4, 2012 at 8:32 pm

The Canadas already did it, so no-go. Ferriners.

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Still workin on teh litebulb freedumbs.

cheetojeebus April 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm

<forehead slap>

Wile E. Quixote April 4, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Dude, it's going to take way more than a forehead slap to knock some sense into Andy McCarthy.

BarackMyWorld April 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm

In 1998, I wrote a paper in my Political Theory class contrasting Herbert Spencer and John Maynard Keynes.

While I'm glad to see the rest of the country is finally starting to catch up with me, I should point out that Spencer's social theories had nothing to do with actual wild animals, but was an application of "survival of the fittest" to human society.

OneYieldRegular April 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Reached for comment on this critical issue, Bo simply observed, "Woof," without further clarification.

finallyhappy April 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Being Elmo advertised here is a great film and Kevin Clash is a really nice guy. Saw it and him last year -his family came and the young puppeteer he is mentoring. Of course, there is no sex/violence.bad language so maybe not a film for Wonkette

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 10:03 pm

If you'd have asked me to describe who I thought the voice of Elmo was, it would not have been Kevin Clash. That's the awesome thing about puppets.

Come here a minute April 4, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Jim, in case you hadn't noticed, humans are animals. You know, living, breathing, pooping, dying, having no eternal soul. (Spolier alert! Sorry to those of you who think you're "going" to heaven.)

V572 Hogan Gidley April 4, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Shhh…if you tell them, they'll stop behaving.

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Great. Here comes the raping again.

Loaded_Pants April 4, 2012 at 9:30 pm

You forgot killin' each other all the time & fightin' over territory.

bagofmice April 5, 2012 at 12:26 am

You have to understand, this chunk of dirt on this side of an invisible line is waaaaay different than that chunk of dirt over there. That difference is worth killing people.

Lucidamente1 April 4, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Next up for Jeff Foxworthy: hosting "Are you Smarter Than the Average Bear?"

Generation[redacted] April 4, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Or, "Are you smarter than the average conservablogger?"

Jukesgrrl April 4, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Even Foxworthy's fifth-graders are, so he better keep the prize money low. He wouldn't want to have to dip into his own 1%-style fortune.

Guppy April 4, 2012 at 5:51 pm

On the Origin of Species: bad
Social Darwinism: good

Huh?

Chet Kincaid April 4, 2012 at 6:01 pm

The Eternal Paradox Of The Wingnut!

OneYieldRegular April 4, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Stop trying to play with their tiny minds with that elitist kind of observation.

FlownOver April 4, 2012 at 5:51 pm

What's with Newell and his alt-text-phobia? Where's the love?

Jim Newell April 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm

keep that mouse over the foto just a liiiiitttttle while longer

Jus_Wonderin April 4, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Bears are people, too, my friend?

Chet Kincaid April 4, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Here here! All the poor people should be put on a giant, flying ark and sent off to find a perfect society far, far from America.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuBy5es3LRE

ifthethunderdontgetya April 4, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I feed the birdies all the time.

Little did I know I was dooming them to lives of dependency on suet socialism.

At last I am enlightened! Nothing but scotch from now on, woodpeckers, nuthatches, chickadees, and such as.
~

Blueb4sunrise April 4, 2012 at 6:10 pm

HAH ! A thread that doesn't specifically mention Arizona assholes!!!!!!!

sbj1964 April 4, 2012 at 6:10 pm

With the fortunate death of Andy Breitbart Paul Ryan now seeks the title of Number one #1 assshole.I think he is a shoe in !

Rotundo_ April 4, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Different classes: Andy was a buffoon, Ryan is dead serious. I suspect that behind it all, it was a game to Andy, but to Paul Ryan, Ayn Rand is not a joke. Paul and Ayn might be jokes, but Paul is a "true believer". Nuttier than a squirrel turd.

meatpuppet2 April 4, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Republicans trying to figure out a way to give park animals voting rights as we speak.

OneYieldRegular April 4, 2012 at 7:19 pm

You mean prevent park animals from having voting rights, don't you? It can't be Republican legislation unless it's utterly unnecessary and completely useless.

tessiee April 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

And take them away from blacks and women.

meatpuppet2 April 4, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Faux Noise headline:

"Why does Obama hate Bambi"

orygoon April 4, 2012 at 6:19 pm

OT: does the Wonket have the tipsline any more? Because in a fairly obscure story, not too much covered, that Curveball guy, Rafid Ahmed Alwan al-Janabi, said "Yeah, nanny nanny boo boo, I lied, so what?"

V572 Hogan Gidley April 4, 2012 at 6:34 pm

It's an hour or two later in AZ (you can never tell what the fuck time it is in AZ, as they know DST is a socialist plot) so there may still be time for someone to do or say something stupid.

PubOption April 4, 2012 at 8:33 pm

It still shows at the top of the page. I occasionally send in tips, but I think the last person to use one was Riley.

Jim Newell April 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

There's a tips submission box in the upper rightish of the page, or you can always email tips@wonkette.com. Be sure to start your email, "Here's a tip, assholes…" because that never gets old after five years.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 4, 2012 at 9:51 pm

because that never gets old after five years.

Newbie.
~

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Would "buttholes" soften it a little?

bagofmice April 5, 2012 at 12:30 am

Cloaca would work, but that would be all Santorum, all the time.

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 6:21 pm

DON'T FEED THE TROLL LIBEL!!!!

weejee April 4, 2012 at 6:25 pm
NellCote71 April 4, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I must be too stupid to be a Republican. I cannot follow this argument any more than I could the Arizona menses thing.

lulzmonger April 5, 2012 at 1:01 am

Not stupid – maybe just a bit unclear on US-of-Aian political discourse.

Any arguments that you can follow are liberal ergo PURE DISTILLED DOUBLE-MALT EV1L, & the others are conservative ergo HIGH-FIVES FROM JESUS & REAGAN.

PROTIP: Logic was invented by ghey pagans & MUSLINS.

fishskicanoe April 4, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Other than having no idea what Darwin taught and what it means to be social the conservatives have latched onto a powerful analogy.

DerrickWildcat April 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Animals are generally good animals and are here to be helpful.

Toomush_Infer April 4, 2012 at 6:38 pm

So we send Kagan and Scoliosis out to Yellowstone to practice up for Congress….? ( just portmanteauing a couple of todays stories)….

Lazy Media April 4, 2012 at 6:47 pm

I'm surprised Santorum hasn't gone full "Consider the lilies of the field" when it comes to social programs.

Generation[redacted] April 4, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Pssst. How much for the gourd?

imissopus April 4, 2012 at 6:50 pm

So glad I cleaned my desk earlier so there is a nice, dust-free spot for me to thunk my head against.

Wile E. Quixote April 4, 2012 at 8:58 pm

No, no, you're doing it wrong. Don't thunk your head against the nice, dust-free spot on your desk, if you do you run the risk of ending up brain-damaged and writing for the National Review. Thunk Andy McCarthy's head against the nice, dust-free spot on your desk, you'll enjoy the pleasing sound it makes and there's always a chance that you might knock some sense into the dumb bastard.

ManchuCandidate April 4, 2012 at 6:51 pm

"Hey Boo Boo, I'm smarter than the average Republican!!"

"Aw Yogi. You're really not trying anymore, are you?"

owhatever April 4, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Off the subject (just to the right, actually), Shawna is a very attractive lady, but she is no Kortney, and not a Miss Canada either, because she doesn't have a cucumber.

DerrickWildcat April 4, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Fuckin' Food Stamp Bears.

Wonderthing April 4, 2012 at 7:25 pm

They're just gonna be making shit up right and left now. "Well, Obama's skin releases a toxic chemical into the atmosphere because his dog has fleas that he caught when his daughter was born under a full moon when Michele was eating peaches from Nigeria. So where's his tattoo that says, Die Whitey?"

Generation[redacted] April 4, 2012 at 7:34 pm

If we give children school lunches, how will they ever learn to fend for themselves? Plus they'll lose their fear of school.

elfgoldsackring April 4, 2012 at 7:36 pm

1. Turn all the wild animals into burgers.
2. Sell the national parks to Disney.
3. Hire blah people to wear bear suits and pose with the tourists.
4. Profit!

DahBoner April 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm

5. Coon Hunting season all year long!

Barrelhse April 4, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Did you take your eyes off AZ for a minute? Then you may have missed this. http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/04/04/457989/t

imissopus April 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Someone has clearly not been paying attention:
http://wonkette.com/469035/donald-trump-now-wavin

DerrickWildcat April 4, 2012 at 7:50 pm

By the way, the droolers are at it again http://news.yahoo.com/tenn-governor-probably-sign

unclejeems April 4, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Holy William Jennings Bryan, Derrick!

DahBoner April 4, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Conservatives are like LOLCATS when they try to think, but not as cute.

Just spray them with a water bottle…

DustBowlBlues April 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm

So fun to be back at wonkette. BTW–has anyone seen Barb tonight? I'm making Hot Cross Buns in a minute and want to taunt her with my cooking skills. But only if they turn out well, so don't tell her my plan.

Shit. Old Man home. Time for porn. For him.

bagofmice April 5, 2012 at 12:33 am

That's one way to reduce the calorie count of them buns.

anniegetyerfun April 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Froth? FROTH? You, Mr. McCarthy, should realize that only one political mind is capable of FROTH, and it's not Obama's.

underthefish April 4, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I think it's also time we repeal regulations that prevent park animals from owning firearms.

Loaded_Pants April 4, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I think the white-tailed deer lobby are already working on this.

ttommyunger April 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm

So, Andy McCarthy is a former Federal Prosecutor….Just one more confirmation of my long held conviction that they are a dull-witted lot, suited only for political shilling, hacking and flacking. Any sensible ten year old can see the folly for man and beast connected with feeding woodland creatures.

ttommyunger April 5, 2012 at 6:45 am

True enough: between puberty and infirmity the dick rules, sadly.

guangho April 4, 2012 at 8:16 pm

If you believe in evolution, people are animals.
If you spend any time around actual people you'll come to the same conclusion.

Loaded_Pants April 4, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I think it was one of those big monkey documentaries I saw that finally convinced me (I think it was titled "Planet of the Apes").

Sharkey April 4, 2012 at 10:06 pm

They made it into a short-lived TV Series called "The Simpsons".

C_R_Eature April 4, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I have spent a lot of time around actual People, which is the precise reason that I greatly prefer the company of Animals.

Also, there's no need to insult the Animals by calling them People.

snoopyfan2010 April 4, 2012 at 8:20 pm

There a lot of other things animals do by instinct that we shouldn't try to control.

Gleem McShineys April 4, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Oh boy! I want to play the Andy McCarthy Great Double-ended Analogy-Dildo Punditsturbation Game, too!

Let's see… here we go!

Why don't Republicans and Free Marketeers make small business loans to business startups illegal? You see, if you prop up a business which can't make it on its own, with this extra money, how is it ever going to learn how to operate on its own? It sets a terrible precedent. Doing away with business support programs is the only way to ensure a strong businesses, because they'll have to … FUCK THIS BULLSHIT. I can't even get my brain to fit around this fucking stupid analogy long enough to shit out one stupid paragraph.

This is why Andy McCarthy gets paid the big bucks, he can stick with a fucking stupid analogy long enough to shit out several stupid paragraphs, AND get Fatsack Limbaough to sing along too! WAY TO GO ANDY

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 9:28 pm

He's really that stupid, isn't he? Scary.

Wile E. Quixote April 4, 2012 at 9:29 pm

As always, we would like to remind you that Andy McCarthy — the fellow who just typed out that argument — is a former federal prosecutor.

I'll bet the defense bar loved him. "Dude, it was totally awesome, I was defending this serial killer last week and I figured that it was a total lost cause. The police had their shit together, the evidence chain was tight, the witnesses were both plenty and compelling and the guy even wrote out a confession. So I'm figuring that I'm totally fucked, but then I find out that Andy McCarthy is prosecuting the case. Five minutes into the trial McCarthy started babbling about feeding wild animals while he was examining one of his own witnesses. Anyways the jury voted unanimously to acquit."

Wile E. Quixote April 4, 2012 at 9:35 pm

For the last few years the words and deeds of America's conservatives bring to mind this line from Se7en

I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!"? Yeah. Do you guys do that?

not that Dewey April 4, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Just because the fucker's got a library card, doesn't make him Yoda.

Biff April 4, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Sounds like some of my county's GOP members.

Also–fed animals=government nears?

fuflans April 4, 2012 at 10:08 pm

i don't know anything about all this, but i do know that jim has made MY family easter dinner a LOT funner.

and in the 'non-engaging' way.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 10:11 pm

While I am loath to "misunderestimate" the power of Teh Stewpid, I don't think this election is going to be nearly as close as people think so long as gas prices don't get too ridiculous and the administration gets out in front of whatever the Supreme Court decides. I think the contraception thing really killed their chances, and all this extra silly bullshit is just gravy.

Radio福井県 April 4, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Four More Years!
Of 24/7, 365, 100%, relentless hating on Obama.

Negropolis April 5, 2012 at 3:09 am

Maybe I'm crazy, but I think his re-election would be demoralizing enough to set them off on some other course. I mean, a good chunk of this incessent hate has to be due to some of them actually thinking that it may oust him, right?

Radio福井県 April 4, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Those fucking bears are always bumming cigs off me too.
⊂(● ̄(エ) ̄●)⊃y-゚゚

Extemporanus April 4, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Candy cigarettes?

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Radio福井県 April 5, 2012 at 12:07 am

Don't Feed the Pedobears!
Hey, WTF is with your anal wink blot? It seems to be in a static state. A half baked swastika or something. Or am I really going TruckNutz?
Y también, cheque el TNG thread, theremin in.

Extemporanus April 5, 2012 at 2:52 am

"A half baked swastika or something."

Sorry — my Fritz is on the oven again. (Too soon? Apparently…)

I'll tell you WTF I see, sicko: a double-donged 'X' rockin' a three-pronged crown. Elitist? Perhaps. But I do kinda dig it as an "Ex" avatard default.

Fret not, however — more whore-shat Rorschachs shall once again be an affect tomorrow.

(I pressed número 2 and replied, mi amigo gringo, though not without a bout of fumble-fingered submitus interruptus.)

Mumbletypeg April 5, 2012 at 9:28 am

With that, Extemp, you have truly outdone yourself~

Dashboard Buddha April 4, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Maybe we can try to feed Rush to the bears. Of course, they would turn it down saying that their vets are trying to get them to cut out fats.

MilwaukeeKent April 4, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Did anyone listen to the woman's story? If what she says is true — working 12,13 hours a day six days a week — she seems exactly like what some of the money guys yanking strings at the GOP these days have in mind for the rest of us. And this is why we shouldn't help the poor, they'll just wander into traffic…

Radio福井県 April 4, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I call bullshit, she just wanted the fucking iPad.

glamourdammerung April 4, 2012 at 11:50 pm

As far as I can tell, all Republican posters are multibillionaires that work 29 hours a day, and are also black, gay, and former Democrats.

The Party of Limbaugh would certainly not encourage telling lies, right?

C_R_Eature April 4, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Andy McCarthy, Ladies and Gentlemen! The cutting Edge of the Intellectual Right, It's finest Flower. A giant of Conservative legal expertise .

Using an utterly misunderstood concept as a flawed metaphor in a blatant political hit job in an excruciatingly poorly written article in the once-proud flagship newspaper of the Conservative Movement. In addition, given all that, managing to miss the target entirely due in no small part to its utter useless disconnection from the genuine issues and conflicts that the adult world cares about.

I think we're reaching the shredded ends of this once mighty Movement, if this juvenile bag of nonsense words is anything close to what they consider "publishable"
It's just sad, now.

cheetojeebus April 5, 2012 at 8:24 am

huzzah…

richmx2 April 4, 2012 at 10:34 pm

How about feeding right-wing blowhards to the animals, though I'm not sure a Rush Limbaugh burger is healthy for grizzly bears.

MadBrahms April 4, 2012 at 10:46 pm

On the contrary, the high fat content will ensure a safe, warm hibernation come winter.

smashedinhat April 5, 2012 at 9:20 am

It'll plug the poor bear right up as Limburgers are inedible. Much like the neon coloured plastic paddles that snow machines lose from their tracks during the winter. Bears eat them and die painfully while ranting incoherently and trying to chew on their own face.

Sharkey April 4, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Today I witnessed an old man giving breadcrumbs to pigeons.

This injustice must stop.

flamingpdog April 5, 2012 at 1:18 am

OT, but needs to be said before the day is out. (OK, it's already out in the eastern half of the US.)

They Could Not Take Your Pride.

James Michael Curley April 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

Thanks for remembering. I gave it a lot of thought in the morning of 04/04/2012 and noted it was only mentioned by the local weatherman and there was no mention of any particular commemoration. The fifth is particularly poignant in my memories as I was going down U Street (short cut I would use to go from Arlington to College Park, MD) and did not know of the riots in DC until I was stopped by a National Guard road block across the road. Weirdness ensued.

flamingpdog April 5, 2012 at 2:40 pm

My family was still living in SE D.C., the only white family for blocks around that still had a kid (me) in school. My mom let me sleep in that day (the 5th). One of my white friends was set upon after school by some black kids, but he was rescued by another group of black kids who said (rightfully) that my friend had nothing to do with ML King being murdered. We had a National Guardsman stationed on my block for a week afterward, and many more close by. Looking back on it today, the whole thing was surreal. We moved out to Prince Georges County, MD that summer.

gurukalehuru April 5, 2012 at 2:57 am

Rush Limbaugh – duuuuuuumber than the average bear.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 5, 2012 at 3:51 am

Wingnuts feeding hungry grizzlies by hand? Now that is Darwinism I can believe in.

Extemporanus April 5, 2012 at 4:39 am

ALL animals vs. ALL humans: FIGHT!

C_R_Eature April 5, 2012 at 5:42 am

Feed the animals? I'd rather talk dirty to the animals.

LiveToServeYa April 5, 2012 at 6:14 am

Hakuna matata, motherfuckers.

usuhname April 5, 2012 at 7:25 am

And when you feel like eating your neighbour, do so proudly, you non-elitist patriot, you!

oldedinvn April 5, 2012 at 7:35 am

Jesus Hiram Crist, How many wrong wingers feed their food. No, putting salad dressing on a salad is not feeding aminals . It might be hard to separate Bambi from venison, try remembering not to pet the alligators & remembering that we are food for each other.

PS: Remember the xians & lions.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 5, 2012 at 9:49 am

Why is it that white people can talk about this in a Darwinist setting, but they get all dominionist about their Jesus? Christian logic is Christian.

tessiee April 5, 2012 at 10:25 am

"No food for the fauna. The Darwinists at the U.S. Park Service claim that animals must learn to fend for themselves if they are to survive and thrive. When you feed animals, the bureaucrats coldly explain, they become dependents and no longer function as nature intends."

Have I missed something, or is this exactly what *they* say about lazy poor people and lazy blah people?

heathenette April 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

McCarthy is a douche. There are people of ALL colors on food stamps & WIC and most of them are little kids. So he’s suggesting we let the 3 year olds go out and fight for scraps in the streets. Because his christian ethics won’t allow him to go against Darwin? This is his “glorious Republic”? This just pisses me off to the point I can’t even explain.

imissopus April 4, 2012 at 6:44 pm

There was another pun thread going on around here earlier, but I can't find the lynx.

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Could you be a deer and keep the puns coming?

imissopus April 4, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Ewe got a deal.

bagofmice April 4, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Glad to see you didn't duck the question.

the_problem_child April 4, 2012 at 10:53 pm

I love you guys an ocelot.

actor212 April 5, 2012 at 9:43 am

That's panthering! Stop sucking up.

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