THERE'S ALWAYS THE SUNDAY FUNNIES  2:10 pm April 4, 2012

Mitt Romney Criticizes Political Media For Cynical Games He Absolutely Loves Playing

by Jim Newell

Going to hellMitt Romney addressed an Associated Press luncheon today to chit-chat with his good friends, the reporters, who fawned over his every word. What do you think about us!, the giggling media children demanded. Do you like us?? OMG you hate us maybe??? And so, to the delight of this hard-nippled assembly of navel-gazers, Mittens shared a basic critique of the political media’s obvious shortcomings — superficial, cynical, smug, lazy, shitty sourcing, thoughtless, 100% wrong all the time. All the bad habits that the Romney campaign loves engaging reporters with, every day, basically.

Here’s Romney version of the standard What Ever Happened To The Good Ol’ Days Of Journalism moral superiority spiel:

In just the few years since my last campaign, the changes in your industry are striking. Then, I looked to Drudge or FOX or CNN online to see what stories were developing. Hours after a speech, it was being dissected on the Internet. Now, it’s Twitter, and instantaneous reaction. In 2008, the coverage was about what I said in my speech. These days, it’s about what brand of jeans I am wearing and what I ate for lunch.

Most people in my position are convinced that you are biased against us. We identify with LBJ’s famous quip that if he were to walk on water, your headline would read: “President Can’t Swim.”

Some people thus welcome the tumult in your industry, heralding the new voices and the unfiltered or supposedly unbiased sources. Frankly, in some of the new media, I find myself missing the presence of editors to exercise quality control. I miss the days of two or more sources for a story – when at least one source was actually named.

Haw haw haw. Yes, sources.

Your Wonkette, [sigh], read that damn POLITICO EBOOK about the last few months of the campaign last night, vomiting the whole way through. That story about Rick Perry getting high and singing everywhere was easily the best part; otherwise it was mostly tick-tock accounts of every deputy communications aide’s telephone calls with focus group leaders, pollsters, message gurus, “prominent lobbyists,” etc., over the course of several months, as well as authors Mike Allen and Evan Thomas’ self-defeating effort to name-drop all of the very important people they’ve had dinner with while keeping them anonymous. Don’t read it. It’s twisted, man, it’s nuts. There *is* noble work to be found for reporters who want to expose the extraordinary cynicism and depravity of campaigns’ anonymous-political-consultant culture, and how a few behind-the-scenes psychopaths manipulate the entire nation in order to collect their fees, but only when it’s correctly framed as muckraking. POLITICO writes it all out with an earnest, adoring smile. It’s fucked up. And even worse, boring.

Anyway, the point is that 150% of that damn POLITICO EBOOK was sourced by Romney aides and supporters bragging (anonymously) about all of the lies and smears and unfair nonsense attacks they planted in the media to destroy rival campaigns, and how much they enjoyed doing it and look forward to doing it more down the road. So Mitt Romney is full of it, like everyone, the end, though maybe he’s right somehow.

[THE POLITICO WEBSITE]

 

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{ 77 comments }

nounverb911 April 4, 2012 at 2:12 pm

What ever Mitt says today will be flipped and flopped by tomorrow.

freakishlywrong April 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

You couldn't ask this fucker what his favorite color is and get a straight answer.

nounverb911 April 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Plaid?

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Madras

horsedreamer_1 April 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Mitt & his kids do have names straight out of a vampiric holiday.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 2:26 pm

What….is your name?

What…is your quest?

What….is your favorite color?

freakishlywrong April 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"Red, no blue, no yelllloooowwwwwww!"

Gleem McShineys April 4, 2012 at 3:49 pm

What I would give for a press that would launch these assholes off of cliffs when they lied.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 2:26 pm

With a quick "I didn't say that! What's your source???"

Come here a minute April 4, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Rosebud.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 2:26 pm

On rye.

OC_Surf_Serf April 4, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I, myself, can't stand all the snarky people on political blogs!

nounverb911 April 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Has Mitt been taking speech lessons from Palin again?

anniegetyerfun April 4, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Needz moar folksy words.

PuckStopsHere April 4, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Since he brought it up, maybe the media will begin to do some actual fact checking on this guy. That would be nice.

Blueb4sunrise April 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Yer high.

SorosBot April 4, 2012 at 2:15 pm

So like Walnuts before him, the media can't quit Mittens.

Schmannnity April 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I don't know any reporters, but I know some network and newspaper owners.

RedneckMuslin April 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm

The "Blame the media" worked for Sarah, didn't it?

OneYieldRegular April 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"…it's about what brand of jeans I am wearing…"

He's just dying for some reporter to ask him, "Zipper or button-fly?"

Radio福井県 April 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Do Mom Brand jeans have a button-fly?

Biff April 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Zipper. On the side, natch.

smokefilledroommate April 4, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Why even ask? The answer is Mom Jeans All the Time.

EloquentScience April 5, 2012 at 6:09 am

Or to ask him, "Grey Poupon or Grey Poupon?"

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"I looked to Drudge or FOX or CNN online to see what stories were developing. Hours after a speech, it was being dissected on the Internet. Now, it’s Twitter, and instantaneous reaction. Why can't you just go back to the Gutenberg Press or better yet chiseling on stone tablets"

Biff April 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Plates of gold, in a pinch.

Chill-A-Sketch April 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Don't worry Mitt, the cynicism will end on Nov 6th.

nounverb911 April 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

And then he can announce for 2016.

OC_Surf_Serf April 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm

What Ever Happened To The Good Ol’ Days Of Journalism

Like back before 'sources' were the journalist's own asshole?

SorosBot April 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Considering that he considers Drudge to be part of the good days of journalism, no Mitt appears perfectly happy with that.

Biff April 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

You forgot to qualify that with "some people say…"

Designer_Rants April 4, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Some people say "Mitt's an asshole."

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 2:19 pm

THE POLITICO WEBSITE link is people too my friend.

freakishlywrong April 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

His magic underwear is on too tight. He should wear it on his head.

Goonemeritus April 4, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Hey Sarah called she wants her lady parts back.

CapnFatback April 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

These days, it’s about what brand of jeans I am wearing

Whatever the brand, I'm sure that the inseams are the right length.

Gratuitous World April 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

easy w/ the LBJ. you ain't President yet, guy.

Gleem McShineys April 4, 2012 at 3:55 pm

If LBJ is going to be mentioned by Romney, who IS a bunghole, then this belongs with it.
http://whitehousetapes.net/clips/1964_0809_lbj_ha

AbandonHope April 4, 2012 at 4:13 pm

you ain't President yetever

Fixed that for you.

Joshua Norton April 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

He's achieved the perfect blend of desperation and dull.

mrpuma2u April 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

So if he hates the media for all the half-assed research and fact checking does that mean he also hates his staff, speechwriters, and himself????

Mumbletypeg April 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Frankly, in some of the new media, I find myself missing the presence of editors to exercise quality control.

Frankly, Mitt, I find myself missing the presence of credible candidates who could coin an original joke as masterfully as your esteemed LBJ.

Baconzgood April 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Listen Mitt Baconz's doing his best to NOT pay attention to every little thing you're doing.

actor212 April 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Editors?

Dammit, Mitt! Get with the program! It's EDITRICES!!!!!!

A thousand pardons, my lovely, sensual Editrix. I will slash the infidel in two for belittling Your Grace.

Oh. Wait. Ginger posted this.

Well, I guess it still applies…

Fox n Fiends April 4, 2012 at 2:25 pm

SOURCES ARE ELITIST.

rocktonsam April 4, 2012 at 10:17 pm

"We never check sources."

- FOX NEWZ

sharethegrief April 4, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Isn't it also considered tumultuous when you fire lots of people?

ManchuCandidate April 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Coming to a Theater near you, "The Whiner Games"
Starring Mittens Romney in a dual role as Katnis AND Preznit Snow.

anniegetyerfun April 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm

heralding the new voices and the unfiltered or supposedly unbiased sources

Being "new" and "unfiltered" is pretty much the opposite of being "unbiased." I mean, so far.

FakaktaSouth April 4, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Mitt's biggest media problem is video tape. Physically showing a person speaking about his "fundamental values" while espousing every disparate opinion possible on every political subject – but always with the exact same tone of voice, facial expression and sincerity level starts to make you look like a schmuck.

His biggest help from the media is that it is basically only interested in how what a candidate is saying about a policy is "playing" with folks, not what a policy REALLY is or actually DOES or whether the candidate or member of government is lying their ass off about it in the first place – so the citizenry has no idea what's going on anyway.

And this is why I am crazy now.

BarackMyWorld April 4, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I need more thumbs for this.

Native_of_SL_UT April 4, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Just yesterday in a speech he declared entitlement spending our greatest problem and that Obama didn't have a plan to cut them AND that Obama cut $500 billion from them.
He said that all in one breath.

Radio福井県 April 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Fox News, now there's fair, balanced and intelligent journalism.

BarackMyWorld April 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

And I find myself missing the presence of candidates who didn't constantly contradict themselves.

The fact that someone this dishonest hasn't been completely destroyed him yet with his own words is proof the media is going too easy on him, not the other way around.

Toomush_Infer April 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

"Oh, and…you're all fired…"

BlueStateLibel April 4, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Cliff Notes version: "Blah, blah, says Mitt Rmoney, be nice to me and stop making fun of me for being the most boring, mean-spirited man in the world." Will not do.

Biff April 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Jeezuz, the paws on that mutt!

prommie April 4, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Campaign people soooooo hate people who actually believe in any kind of principles. They do. I had to hide my beliefs the whole time I did that stuff, or else they would never have let me near the candidate for fear I encourage him to go off the rails and be himself. I hate myself.

prommie April 4, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Also, all campaign people have seen The War Room and they are trying to be that. Trying really really really hard to be that, trying to be characters, and gunslingers, and trying to have amusing quirks, trying with all their might to pass as straight, just too too much trying to be something they got some idea of from some fucking movie and from the West Wing. Its worse than hanging around with a bunch of guineas who are trying to be The Sopranos. Then you go into legislative affairs and your hopes slowly shrivel and die.

Negropolis April 5, 2012 at 12:31 am

Yes, but have they seen Game Change? I hope they follow that movie.

Callyson April 4, 2012 at 2:49 pm

In 2008, the coverage was about what I said in my speech. These days, it’s about what brand of jeans I am wearing and what I ate for lunch.

Mittens, maybe that's because your food and clothing choices are more consistent than your political positions…

Toomush_Infer April 4, 2012 at 2:56 pm

It's because you're wearing jeans, fer crissake, you rich succubus pretending to be one of the people….

b[redact]opple April 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

"President can't swim"? That is racist. I did not read the whole paragraph.

Native_of_SL_UT April 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm

STFU Mitt, you were never swiftboated in "08.
Yeah, things have really changed since 2004 & 2008.

bikerlaureate April 4, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Most people in my position are convinced that you are biased against us.

1%ers ?
Corporations ?
Health insurance plan creators ?

Androids ?

(Also too – being convinced of a belief is of somehow of greater importance than whether or not the belief is true.
If Rmoney had competent campaign staff, of course, they'd be exploiting that disconnect more thoroughly.)

DahBoner April 4, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Some people say Romney is almost human…

Wilcoxyz April 4, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Mittens, you just copied (stole) your shitty competition's meme from last week – I have to chew out NYT reporters to get press, distract from shortcomings and fire up my base.

In the jernalizms, that's called plagiarism. Or copyright infringement. Or some shit about you not having any of your own ideas.

horsedreamer_1 April 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Moving the goalposts? There's an app for that.

Wilcoxyz April 4, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Yeah, integrity. Sigh. Who's got any?

It's like when your campaign deliberately plays tape of Obama talking about the bad economy killing McCain's 2008 campaign, but you edit it to make it sound like he's talking about his own 2012 campaign.

bureaucrap April 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

"There *is* noble work to be found for reporters who want to expose the extraordinary cynicism and depravity of campaigns’ anonymous-political-consultant culture, and how a few behind-the-scenes psychopaths manipulate the entire nation in order to collect their fees, but only when it’s correctly framed as muckraking"

[snark off] You ask the $64m question, Jim. What happens when the malfeasors trumpet their malevolent "achievements" from the rooftops, to the praise and applause of the nation's political establishment? Muckrakers are no longer necessary because the "muck" is a matter of public record. And those of us who are not in the charmed circle of beneficiares of this clusterf**k can do nothing but watch. We truly are screwed. [snark on].

johnnymeatworth April 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

So wait, we're not talking about his dick anymore?

ttommyunger April 4, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Drudge, Fox, CNN? Now that explains a lot.

deanbooth April 4, 2012 at 9:22 pm

"The press is so much more horrible today that LBJ complained about it 50 years ago!" Huh?

rocktonsam April 4, 2012 at 9:58 pm

"hard nippled navel gazers'"

INSTANT CLASSIC!

Negropolis April 5, 2012 at 12:14 am

You said nipple and navel in the same sentence, and now you've gotten me all hot-and-bothered.

Anyway, even the devil can quote scripture and the broken clock is right twice per day.

Negropolis April 5, 2012 at 12:21 am

Some people thus welcome the tumult in your industry, heralding the new voices and the unfiltered or supposedly unbiased sources.

Who the hell talks like this? Like, who the hell?

eaglewon April 5, 2012 at 12:50 am

where does Romney rent those black people they stick in the background every now and then?

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