Look at this fucking CommieYou guys, the Ghost of Breitbart is back with MOAR VETTENING, and the newest installment is AWESOME. Perhaps you have been wondering just when Barry O’s hard-on for ETERNAL WAR against the Papists began? Well it began because he ACORNED for liberal Catholics in Chicago, including the then-liberal Chicago Cardinal (the Church kind, not the beisbol kind) Joseph Bernardin, who okayed his travel expenses and such. How liberal was this Cardinal Bernardin? He said Gorbachev deserved the credit for the breakup of the USSR, NOT REAGAN!!!1!

Anyway, obviously if you are a liberal Catholic you are at war with the Catholic Church, even if you are a Cardinal, because obviously all liberal Catholics are not Catholic, it says so right here:

Obama’s travel documents and expenses were signed and approved by the late Cardinal Joseph Bernardin, a controversial figure in the Catholic church who supported nearly every left-wing movement within it. Though Bernardin was well liked in Chicago, especially by a fawning media anxious to have a Catholic imprimatur on nearly every social issue of the day, Bernardin’s work undermined many Catholic teachings.


And perhaps most mischievously, [Cardinal] Bernardin called for a “consistent ethic of life,” which tied the anti-abortion cause to pacifism and redistributionism and therefore gave cover to liberal Democrats trying to claim they were Catholic.

Our bold and stuff. Also, did you know this Catholic Cardinal hated Jesus so much that he ATE HIM every week?

Anyway, Alinsky, etc, because of course. BURN HIM! And then excommunicate him, and then BURN HIM AGAIN! [Breitbart]

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  • nounverb911

    Breitbart's ghost is just upset that it never had the chance to be molested as a youth.

    • No child can be so ugly as to warrant that kind of cruel and unusual punishment by the church, my son.

    • EdBradly7

      If I knew where Breitbart was buried I would go take a dump on his grave however I have an aversion to long lines.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Could he have been molested as a child? Look at how he looked lustily at our own Riley. Granted, Riley is a grown man, but he's so darn cute that it would be easy for the Briebarts of the world to make a mistake.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Shouldn't Breitbart be a Mormon by now?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Oooh, Bernardin, you are gonna get it!!! Just you wait till your Holy Father gets home!!!

    • It would probably kill Breitbart– you know, if he wasn't already dead as a doorknob– to look up over Satan's shoulder….he likes it missionary style…and see Bernadin in that special part of heaven reserved for people who make other people's lives easier…sipping Holy Chardonnay and eating those little cakes that probably killed Breitbart on earth.

  • Baconzgood

    I hate when these Catholics get all help the poor and "no, war is bad" and "death penality is just as bad as abortion", all on their high "libural" horses.

    • Needs moar patriarchy, the church does

    • UnholyMoses

      It's almost as if those Catholics actually paid attention to what Jesus said and did, rather than what some guys not named Jesus said about Teh Gay and how wimmins should be makin' sammiches and babies and stuff.

      Also, too: The dude advocated for **GASP** consistent ethical stands?

      No wonder the right hates the dude …

  • skoalrebel

    Y'know [spit!] the word "cardinal" is an anagram for "carnal id." [spit!] Make of that what you will.

    • And it rhymes with URINAL!

    • James Michael Curley

      Also "Lad in car."

    • occams8ball

      sounds like your mad journalism skills landed you a scholarship at bible camp.

  • This story is deader than Bitpart.

  • Callyson

    Cardinal Joseph Bernardin, Bernardine Dohrn, same thing…

  • Goonemeritus

    In my experience we don’t always hate those whom we eat or for that mater those that eat us.

    • samsuncle

      Amen brother.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You are correct, sir!! Just ask Michael Valentine Smith!!!

    • Biff

      That's some mind-blowing trans-substantiating logic, right there.


    • Guppy

      Just the Republicans?

  • An_Outhouse

    Even a blind papal authority finds a nut occasionally.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Some of these clerics are just sincerely good people. We had a bishop Ray Hunthausen in the Archdiocese of Seattle for a long time, I remember what funny and personable guy he was when I was an altar boy, and he was officiant of confirmation masses I served at.

      A couple years later he was out protesting the white trains bringing the nukes the local submarine base, down there on the front lines with my hippie sister and her family and all their friends.

      As you might guess, the Vatican quietly shuffled him out of office after awhile…

      • An_Outhouse

        I have the highest regard and respect for the few that have stood up for the right things in brave ways. Dorothy Day is a personal hero of mine. I was watching a lefty documentary last Sunday and they showed vintage propaganda of kids learning duck and cover. Its embarrassing that our leaders were such cowards. I remember that one of Day's first protests was to refuse the nuclear bomb drills in the 50's. You were supposed to run and hide in a basement but she refused to because a nuclear bomb would annihilate you in either case. She sat on a park bench and made them carry her away.

  • Barb

    "Also, did you know this Catholic Cardinal hated Jesus so much that he ATE HIM every week?"

    Meh, I stay home and have a bowl of Christ Chex on Sunday and watch sports all day.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      My god tastes like bacon.

      • proudgrampa

        With eggs and hash browns! The Trinity!

      • elviouslyqueer

        Mmmmmm, bacon. It's Heavenly!

      • SorosBot

        That sounds much better than the god tasting like a flat flavorless unsalted cracker.

        • CARR'S LIBEL!

          • Barb

            I could eat a whole box of Carr's in one sitting. They have no real flavor either.

    • redarmyzombie

      I had my serving of Christ this morning with a side of Fetus Tartare.

    • bagofmice

      And this is how you get organizations like NOM. NOM. NOM.

    • MissTaken

      I like my Christ yogurt in it's original Greek.

      • Wait…did you just call Our Lord gay?

    • Guppy

      a bowl of Christ Chex

      As opposed to a bowl of ChiRhos?

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Conservatives like their cardinals more molesty and less socialist.

  • Right, there's nothing quite as anti-Catholic as charity, and also too the anti-war, anti-torture, anti-death penalty positions espoused by Popes for decades.

    Who do those guys in the hats think they are, anyway? The infallable corporeal heads of a world-spanning religion whose mere word is necessarily doctrinal law?

  • BarackMyWorld

    My ideas about the invisible man in the sky can beat up your ideas about the invisible man in the sky.

  • freakishlywrong

    Ah, fuck this shit. Really. Right in the butt.

  • Speaking of shitty Catholics, when Santorum's going away party?

    • Schmannnity

      April 25, the day after he loses Pennsylvania.

      • Terry

        He was on the radio this morning talking about how Pennsylvania will be his game changer. Yeah, the very same state that knocked him out of office by an 18% margin.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Hey, you never know, those Keystoners may hate Mitt Romney even more.

          Aw hell, who am I kidding? They hardly even know Mitt; there's no way they could hate him as much as they hate Rick.

  • prommie

    Jeeze, imagine if they could somehow tie him to Bishop John Shelby Spong!

  • tcaalaw

    I now see Breitbart's ghost is the ultimate decider on who is or is not "really" a Catholic. All those years of Jesuit education confused me into this that the Pope had something to do with.

    Oh and congratulations to me for reaching 100 P! When is the busload of underaged prostitutes and cocaine delivered?

    • Gotta be careful about that SJ learnin'. Pretty soon you'll sound like Bobby Drinan. Congrats on your Pness.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Look at you, with the big Pness and all. But you need a better avatar if you wanna run with the big dogs, bub.

  • Schmannnity

    Neat dress

  • Terry

    "Bernardin’s work undermined many Catholic teachings."

    Not, it didn't. The GOP'ers like to pretend that the Catholic Church doesn't have some really rather strong teachings on charity, caring for those less fortunate, social justice, and a few other pesky subjects. The same Church that is home to the Opus Dei folks is also home to Archbishop Oscar Romero, as well as the Maryknoll sisters and two lay missionaries who were killed in El Salvador.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And then there's little Dominican troublemaker, with his 'Liberation Theology,' a term he coined back in the 70s.

      The Holy See is still trying to stuff that genie back in the bottle.

      • commiegirl

        yeah, but Pope Nazi DID manage to excommunicate Aristide. Just another day's work in the Office of the Inquisition.

    • snoopyfan2010

      Please, even Opus Dei tries to help the poor.

      • Terry

        True, even the cult-iest part of the Church is involved with charitable works.

        There's a lot of good done by Catholics, particularly at the local or regional level. The hierarchy has some significant issues, and in particular needs to learn that the needs of the weakest and most vunerable among us have to be protected even at the expense of the image of the Church.

        • snoopyfan2010


  • Canmon

    He looks Muslim.

  • Barry plans to create a secular state by requiring all U.S. citizens to join the Bernardin wing of the Catholic Church.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Is this like the dreaded secular Muslim state Newt was babbling about a while back?

  • prommie

    Even the current Pope actually says that GREED is BAD. This is anathema to the adherents of the invisible hand, of course, but luckily, our new brand of republican, Opus Dei Catholics like Santorum and Scalia are much much much more catholic than the Pope.

    • RedneckMuslin

      You always hear people ask if the Pope is Catholic but never hear the answer.

  • If that there picture is of the Cardinal himself offering Bammerz a high-five, he needs to get it up higher get with the program: it's FIST-BUMPS now. Geez, these geriatric clergy so out of touch with the times…

    • If Bernardin rises from the grave to give Obama a fist-bump, we all will have much bigger issues to worry about.

  • MissTaken

    Catholics eat little Babby Jeezus and pray to funny necklaces.

    A recovering Southern Baptist

    • SorosBot

      Hey now, a Rosary's not a necklace – there's not even a way to wear them around your neck! They are simply a chain you hold in your hands, which have the magical power of forgiving all your confessed sins one you've recited the required number of them, as divined by your priest.

      • prommie

        It might be more "evolved" to think of them as a device used in a meditation ritual not very different from some Buddhist rituals that atheist intellectuals never ridicule with quite the same vitriol.

        • SorosBot

          Please; Buddhists aren't constantly trying to force everyone else to conform to their religious beliefs. If they did, atheists might ridicule their beliefs with such vitriol; but they don't, in this country it's Christians trying to elevate their beliefs above all others, so they deserve and receive the most vitriol. Yeah, other religions have beliefs that are just as stupid, but they're not the ones in charge.

        • Yeah it might be, if the Church and the people fiddling with them actually believed that.

    • elviouslyqueer


    • prommie

      Catholics believe that you cannot find salvation unless you put your money where your mouth is and actually give money to the poor. The basic ethic of protestantism is that you do not have to actually do anything to help anyone but yourself, smug faith alone is sufficient. Baptists and fundamentalists can get quite frothy in their hatred of the catholic doctrine of faith and works, ("works" means moolah, cash, greenbacks) because its a threat to their pocketbook, it is an attack on their veneration of greed.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Well, if all those lazy Catlicks in the favelas would do some honest work, they could be rich, too, & not need any charity.

      • What does your Catholic God think of your constant, lascivious concupiscense in these comments?

        Protestants believe you are required to tithe, also, where are you getting this?

    • In fairness, babby Catlicks is some good eatin'

      • prommie

        Which is fortunate, as they breed like rabbits, and would soon overpopulate the world, if not for your modest solution.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      How is babby formed?

      • MissTaken

        I've always imagined communion crisps being shaped like Animal Cracker versions of Jesus. Or maybe like a Jesus Goldfish – he smiles til you bite his head off.

      • Well, an archangel floats down and puts a bun in a virgin's oven, see…

    • Guppy

      Don't forget the Mary worship and the Roman princeling!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Needz moar inquisition!

    • SorosBot

      The inquisition's here, and it's here to stay!

      • MissTaken

        I did not expect that.

        • sullivanst

          So why did you think those guys in red dresses were poking you with cushions?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Portuguese or Spanish?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Cannibalistic Death Cult is Cannibalistic.

  • SorosBot

    But see, unlike those Catholics who break with the Church and think women and gay people are actual human beings, those who break with it over executions, torture or war are different, because unlike abortion, birth control and gay sex the death penalty, war and torture actually are immorral, and so they are forgetting the primary purpose of the Catholic Church, to ensure that the powerful continue to keep their power and the oppressed continue to stay that way and be happy for whatever scraps the superior Church leaders decide to throw their way.

    • Biff

      MoDo, izzat you?

    • WWJFO (Who would Jesus fuck over)

  • Biff

    santorum told us that we can't be librul xtains. Pick one or the other, can't be both.


  • BlueStateLibel

    Wake me up when the burnings at the stake start.

  • Zombie Pope Ayn Rand will excommunicate this d00d, and then the Breitfartarians can get back to fapping to drone strike pr0n.

  • I had a friend who was heavily involved in anti-death penalty activism with a buncha liberal Quakers, and she would often comment on how, while they didn't agree on much else, Catholic groups were terrific allies on the death penalty and other justice issues.

    Because it ends up, many Catholics who were being honest about trying to be doctrinally orthodox, rather than merely wingtards wrapping themselves in Catholicism out of convenience, tend to link their views on the death penalty, torture, abortion, and poverty together into some sort of more generalized "pro-life" position. Or, as the Breitbarts Jr. and Frothy Mixes of the world would say, fucking commie-socialists.

    • snoopyfan2010

      Very true.

  • You forgot to add that Cardinal Bernardin was also against the death penalty.

    I might be a shitty Catholic but I did appreciate his consistent policy on life issues. The same can't be said for so many "good" Catholics.

  • Can't Breitfart make with the corpus crispy for fuck's sake and stay in his crypt? Do we need to make with the oak stakes and garlic?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, auto-da-fe is the only acceptable Catholic idea to the Briefarters.

    • MozakiBlocks

      'what's an auto de fe? what's an auto de fe? It's what you ouldnt to do but you do anyway…"

      —–Mel Brooks, History of the World Part I

      Peace be with you

  • redarmyzombie

    Say, Miss Editrix,

    Is it (hypothetically speaking, of course) wrong of me to wish death on someone who is already dead?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Do we have to draw a picture of this too?

  • PuckStopsHere

    Still glad Breitbart is dead.

    • AbandonHope

      Shame his supporters aren't there with him.


      • iburl

        Arizona Pink Panty Camp for you!

        • Guppy

          If that's not the name of a strip club, it ought to be.


      Wait until Sunday…

    • Slim_Pickins

      And its been more than 3 days, hasn't it.

  • proudgrampa

    Breitbart. Garbage In, Garbage Out.

    • prommie

      Nobody can explain it, of course.

  • CivicHoliday

    The Jesuits beg to differ, asshat

  • Come here a minute

    Nothing infuriates wingnuts more than somebody claiming to believe something when the wingnuts know otherwise. *cough* *cough* *cough* *muslin* *cough*

  • Slim_Pickins

    And the last president that we didn't vet was Lincoln. How did that work out?

  • Also, did you know this Catholic Cardinal hated Jesus so much that he ATE HIM every week?

    That's nothing! I tell Jesus to eat me every night…

    • Guppy

      Or else you'll have him deported?

      • Now that you mention it, I only threatened to cut off his welfare…

  • Chichikovovich

    I read this guy's bio, and zombie Breitbart is missing the biggest story of all:

    "In 1959, Pope John XXIII named Bernardin a Papal Chamberlain with the title Very Reverend Monsignor."

    Bernardin was a personal assistant to the most anti-Catholic man in history!!!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    So, while the Pope wore little red shoes, Cardinal Joseph Bernardin read a little red book?

  • a_pink_poodle

    Anti-Catholicism has been apart of the American way of life since the founding fathers and I'll be damned if some Papists decide to change that!

    • prommie

      Conservative catholics have become useful to the GOP because of the lingering memory of the time they were persecuted. As judicial candidates, they can't be criticized on their pro-life positions because that would be anti-catholic bigotry, and you can even claim credit for 'diversity" for appointing a papist, and you can play the "bigotry" card on any opposition. Has a republican appointed a non-catholic to the supreme court in the last 25 years?

  • Slim_Pickins

    Unless you are black or a woman, you pretty much have to be dead before the NRO will take you on.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This Breitbart guy's gonna end up with more post-mortem releases than Jimi Hendrix.

    • Dude's like Tupac, only suckier.

  • MozakiBlocks

    I'm terribly confused. What exactly am I supposed to be outraged about here?

    • Obama's still President, despite Zombie Breitbart's best work.

      • MozakiBlocks

        I thought it was because Obama was black and still President?

        Oh, same thing.

    • prommie

      The President is Near. Also, he hung with commie clerics.

  • SpiderCrab

    I was kinda hoping, what with his kicking the bucket and all, that Andy B was gonna be leavin' us the fuck alone and all, for at least a millenia, maybe two. But no, dude's around more often than not all the fucking time now. How you e'splain that, huh?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Is the Pope, Catholic? And, where are all the bears?

    • Out back with the Pope, shitting in the woods.

  • sullivanst

    Yeah, he just couldn't ever quite manage to match up to Hitler.

  • meatpuppet2

    I blame kenyan teleprompters.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Why can't Cardinal Bernardin be a good Catholic like Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum?

  • iburl

    This story can't be true. I have it on good authority (Dave from Megadeth) that Barry Sortero Obama is a clone of Hitler that was created in 2005 in a Kenyan Mosk.

  • anniegetyerfun

    tied the anti-abortion cause to pacifism and redistributionism

    Wait, does this sound a little bit like Breitbart is defending violent anti-abortion tactics? That's sort of what it sounds like to me.

  • DocChaos

    When you consider that Catholic Republican primary voters preferred a crypto-Christian cultist who was only recently handing out gay marriage licenses and checks to abortion providers to an ultra-conservative Opus Dei connected super-Catholic who crusades against contraception, it would seem that the right isn't getting much traction with their jeremiads against liberal Catholics.

  • Swampgas_Man

    He looks French.

  • el_donaldo

    Just lovely. Obama started trying to destroy the Catholic Church by working so hard for the Catholic Church and furthering its mission and with the people who made the Catholic Church look good to Catholics and others.

    That's even dumber than the whole Obama's-taking-our-guys-away-by-not-taking-our-guns-away thing.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Somehow, I find it difficult to care much for this line of reasoning when the sitting Pope used to be a member of Nazi Youth.

  • gout

    I prefer old testament jesus.

  • Ahem, point of fact checking: there never was a "beisbol" team called the Chicago Cardinals. That was a football team, which later moved to St. Louis and on to Arizona, where, like everything else in Arizona, it has totally sucked (AZ Wonketeers excepted.)

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Thank you.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Marxist Fascist Papist.

  • "People have a fundamental right to life, food, shelter, health care,education, and employment."
    From Principles of Catholic Social Teaching

    Fuck you Breitbart's ghost.

  • DahBoner

    Sounds like we need another SPANISH INQUSITION from those same wacky guys who put spoiled fruit juice in their wine and weird flowers in their rice to make it look yellow…

  • clblabin

    I read a book from the 90s once by Malachi Martin, a loony rogue ex-Jesuit, purporting to be a kind of roman a clef expose, the central story being that some American Cardinal, obviously based on Bernardin, was at the center of a secret global Satanic-Freemason-Russian conspiracy to bring down the Church from within, and that John Paul II was just too much of a well-meaning liberal pussy to stop him. As I recall, the prologue involved the faux Bernardin as a young priest, slaughtering a puppy and ritualistically raping a little girl on an alter at midnight. Seriously.

    Still haven't gotten around to reading Proust, though.

    • Guppy

      slaughtering a puppy and ritualistically raping a little girl on an alter at midnight.

      Isn't that how the Brits coronate new monarchs?

      • Guppy, your wired are crossed there. They slaughter the girl and rape the puppy.

  • qwerty42

    Yeah. John Paul II was keen on having bolshies in College of Cardinals.

  • Redhead

    Breitfart logic makes my head hurt.

  • owhatever

    I don't care. I'm still stuck on why you can bring a Glock semiautomatic pistola, but not a seven-inch piece of string, into the Republican convention.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      The National String Association is somewhat diminished.

    • Guppy

      Bring any piece of string longer and the entire convention will devolve into a dick measuring contest.

  • CapnFatback

    Of course Bernardin is persona non grata in Breitbartland; he dared suggest that the Catholic church needed to make efforts to treat woman equally.

    I really hope the right continue to take swipes at Bernardin. Doing so will sew up my (very Catholic, northwest Indiana-residing) mother's vote for Obama in November.

  • Are you fucking kidding me? Joseph Cardinal Bernardin was a dangerous, anti-Catholic radical? How exactly does one get to be a fucking Cardinal, in Chicago, as a member of the Weather Underground? This is such ridiculous horseshit.

    If you're looking for dangerous Pope-underminers in Chicago, talk to me about Father Pfleger and his sucking up to the browns, or Father Andrew Greeley, cocktail-swilling dirty book author.

  • rickmaci

    Let me get this straight. Obama is anti Catholic because while in his twenties he worked successfully at community outreach for a Chicago diocese sponsored Catholic charity in Catholic parishes with Catholic parishioners under the direct supervision of a Catholic priest and with the approval of the Catholic Cardinal for the entire Chicago area whose overall authority came directly from the Pope and he (Obama) still speaks fondly of that time in his life and the people from the Church that he worked with? If that's it, THEY GOT NOTHIN, NOTHIN!!!

  • ttommyunger

    Well, this is nonsensical story #2 for today, for fuck's sake.

  • fuflans

    i got no snark for this. to me (as an episcopalian in chicago who went to catholic high school b/c i was a pain in the ass) bernadin represented everything totally awesome about catholicism.

    and dickheads – yeah santorum i'm looking at you – he's a fucking cardinal. you are a failed senator with no job and a freaky fetus fetish.


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