PRY IT FROM OUR COLD DEAD HANDS  5:32 pm April 3, 2012

Thanks to Hilarious Florida Gun Law, Tampa Cannot Restrict Firearms at GOP Convention

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Amendment, Commandment, what's the diff?Ooops. Yet another casualty of ALEC’s constant hard-on for making sure you can sodomize yourself with your semi-automatic weapon is Tampa, Florida’s effort to ban guns from the site of the GOP convention in August. NO NOT ALLOWED. DON’T TREAD ON ME, & CETERA.

Just how stupid is Florida? Pretty fucking stupid.

The first draft of Tampa’s proposed temporary ordinance laying out rules for the convention did include restrictions on guns inside the city’s proposed “Clean Zone,” which will cover all of downtown, including a designated protest area.

“It was just kind of common sense,” Assistant City Attorney Mauricio Rodriguez said. “We felt if we’re going to regulate people carrying sticks and poles, why wouldn’t we regulate people carrying firearms, because those could pose significant risks to police and other protesters.”

Well, it would have been common sense, but …

But later, city attorneys removed the ban on guns after finding that Florida Statute 790.33 prohibits local governments from enacting any laws on the sale, purchase, transfer, taxation, manufacture, ownership, possession, storage or transportation of guns or ammunition.

Speaking of which, your editrix and Newell will be partying with the big guns (and presumably their dead hookers) in Tampa, and are looking for twin couches from you, the Beloved Rabble. Scabies-free appreciated! Also appreciated would be not getting murdered with guns, but the law is the law.

[TampaBayTimes, via RawStory]

 

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{ 218 comments }

nounverb911 April 3, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Just wait until Gingrich goes postal when they don't allow him to speak.

Swampgas_Man April 3, 2012 at 5:54 pm

No, no, they're talking about big GUNS, not big guts.

nounverb911 April 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

"your editrix and Newell will be partying with the big guns (and presumably their dead hookers) in Tampa, and are looking for twin couches from you,"

Jeter's place will be empty for the season.
St. Jetersburg.

WunkRocker April 3, 2012 at 8:49 pm

But. But… the DNC's coming to Charlotte! Goddamn it I been baking and freezing (mixing) cupcakes (moonshine) hoping you were going to sleep in my mold pit I hope the bank forecloses on. 152 Days to go! Woooo. DNCNASCARVention MMXII!!!!! http://charlottein2012.com (Seriously lame here, all the hookers have been pre-killed) F*cking pigs have even started running sting ops on pro-dommes and rent boys. (I'm either 1, both, or none of those). Seriously lame. Welcome to Goody Proctor's house of JoyKill and BuzzHarsh. Fo realz talk. Also.

Schmannnity April 3, 2012 at 5:39 pm

No snark. This is why the Legislature installed panic buttons in both chambers this year because guns cannot be banned from the state house. Top that you Texas weasels.

NellCote71 April 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Oh, the humanity. We lose out to Arizona on the conception thingie on some technicality I still don't understand, Virginia introduces trans-uterus probing of lady parts and now this. What next? Mississippi beats us in education rankings?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Lemme guess … the "panic button" brings a whole lot more guns into the room. Because in Floriduh, there's no problem you can't solve, so long as you have enough gunfire.

Schmannnity April 3, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Yes, They are thinking of adopting Virginia's forward thinking and conducting transvaginal exams with a Glock 17.

WunkRocker April 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm

It's raining guns, hallelujah it's rain guns…

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 9:22 pm

It's raining lead, halleluiaaarrrghgggg… *thud*

starfanglednut April 3, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Sadly, I would not put that past them.

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

The Florida legislative chamber doesn't have a sprinkler system. In case of fire, they push the panic button and exercise their constitutional rights until the monsoon of blood puts out the fire.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 3, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I applaud your finding a practical and most appropriate usage of political blood. It's about time. Kudos to you sir!

OzoneTom April 3, 2012 at 5:39 pm

But at least they won't let anyone bring a 7-inch piece of string in.

It won't matter anyway since God told me that she will be greeting the attendees with another hurricane this year.

nounverb911 April 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Don't forget the tsunami too, also.

Gopherit April 3, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Seriously…..who the fuck thinks, "I am having a convention in August. We have to have it in Florida!" Hilarity will ensue.

Callyson April 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Republican National Convention begins Monday, August 27, 2012, and ends Thursday, August 30, 2012

The 2012 Atlantic hurricane season will be an event in the annual cycle of tropical cyclone formation. The season will officially begin on June 1 and end on November 30

Come on, Mother Nature! (Sorry about the collateral damage to any decent Tampans, but sometimes you've got to take one for the team…)

Gopherit April 3, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I take it you have never visited Tampa?

Infrogmation April 4, 2012 at 11:55 am

Tampa has more character and history than most of Central Florida (faint praise, I know). After Katrina I was told they developed a contingency plan when a major storm threatens to haul the streetcars out of Ybor City inland to high ground. (But who will take in the refugee streetcars afterwards?)

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Tampons?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

I had the misfortune of attending a conference, in August, in freaking Orlando. You needed a down parka while indoors. Outdoors, the 20 yards between the bus and the convention center left you feeling like a crème brûlée.

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Walt Disney willed Orlando into existence out of swampland. I wouldn't want to be there if there's ever a power failure in the chamber where they keep his head.

MrFizzy April 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Does this have something to do with the Man Your Flounder law? That's when you're allowed to pop someone if he stares at your dinner. I know that makes sense in Florida.

Generation[redacted] April 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Do you have to prove the victim got just desserts? Or can you shoot your dinner companion just for the halibut?

MrFizzy April 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

It's just a fluke.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Is there a sturgeon in the room?

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Only if it is with a stripped repeater…you know, a bare a coda.

George Spelvin April 4, 2012 at 12:15 am

A little forced, but ingenious.

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Oh no, look what you've started!

CapnFatback April 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm

It's a good thing they can't outlaw guns; otherwise, convention officials would be forced to put sleeves on Santorum's sweater vest.

Biff April 3, 2012 at 6:24 pm

R U SRS? His hips are wider than his shoulders, for fuck's sake, those ain't guns!

Blueb4sunrise April 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Cuz there's no 'sticks and poles' in Teh Constitushon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

johnnymeatworth April 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Manchurian Candidate: The Reality Show!

Sharkey April 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Mi casa es su casa.

But I still live in DC.

Gopherit April 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm

You guys need to get your conceal-carry permits before you go. It's the law or something. Also, get that round of vaccinations you need before you visit Third World Shitholes…..because, well, Florida.

MissTaken April 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

“We felt if we’re going to regulate people carrying sticks and poles, why wouldn’t we regulate people carrying firearms, because those could pose significant risks to police and other protesters.”

So no Festivus Pole for the delegates from Del Boca Vista Phase II?

SorosBot April 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

And apparently no pole dancing either – now how is Bristol gonna get some attention?

savethispatient April 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Apparently, things you cannot take into the convention include: water pistols, masks, and more than six inches of string.
Good luck keeping Newell in check if you can't keep him reined in on the end of a piece of string!

terriblyfamous April 3, 2012 at 6:09 pm

No water pistols. Just regular pistols. The kind that throw bullets. I want to make sure we're clear here. Actual lethal pistols only. Not that pussy playground shit.

starfanglednut April 3, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Could not make this shit up.

George Spelvin April 4, 2012 at 12:17 am

How about paintball guns, I wonder.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 9:27 pm

No masks? Are they hoping to see the real Mitt Romney?

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:45 am

Lucky for them that the Rs don't not use shoe laces. Ah, velcro.

elfgoldsackring April 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Last one standin' is the nominee!

terriblyfamous April 3, 2012 at 6:11 pm

My money is on Mitch Daniels. He has the look of a man who enjoys The Most Dangerous Game.

Schmannnity April 3, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Perry may still have a chance, especially if he is running against coyotes.

Sue4466 April 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

hmm, I'm thinking a comment about karma . . . would just be wrong for my own karma so I'll skip it.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I see what you thought there.

smokefilledroommate April 3, 2012 at 5:42 pm

It's right there in Acts 720:33, duh.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:24 pm

And in Romans 30:06.

SexySmurf April 3, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Hoodies! Hoodies! Get your Romney 2012 hoodies here!

Wile E. Quixote April 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

And each "Romney 2012" hoodie comes with a refreshing bottle of Arizona Iced Tea and a bag of Skittles. Get them while they last.

LettucePrey April 3, 2012 at 5:45 pm

You think Florida is fucked up? Yesterday in Oakland, federal agents raided Oaksterdam U (a medical marijuana dispensary and training school) because OMG STONERS. Something else also happened in Oakland yesterday. Guess which event got the most attention from the feds?

MissTaken April 3, 2012 at 5:53 pm

True, but remember what Jeebus said:

Kill 7 people because someone teased you about your poor English skills, you kill for one day.
Teach a man to grow marijuana and he gets stoned for life.

donner_froh April 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Far out, man.

starfanglednut April 3, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Dude, you're blowin' my mind…

BlueStateLibel April 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

There's always the chance that people who are high could become extremely non-violent – Feds have their priorities you know.

SexySmurf April 3, 2012 at 5:45 pm

We felt if we’re going to regulate people carrying sticks and poles

In related news, Lindsey Graham announced he's not attending the convention this year.

nounverb911 April 3, 2012 at 5:53 pm

What about Mitt's stiffie?

Biff April 3, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I think the string on his tampon is longer than 6 inches, anyway.

horsedreamer_1 April 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Myrtle Beach has the twigs & berries that go well with — HAM BISCUITS!

SorosBot April 3, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I foresee a combination of alcohol, delegates enjoying their "right" to carry a concealed 9-milimeter, and an angry fundie Santorumite / Randian aPaulstle / establishment Romnerian 3-way confrontation may lead to hilarity tragedy.

nounverb911 April 3, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Tragedy is right, that just leaves Gingrich standing.

SorosBot April 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Well I'm talking about the candidates' supporters here; Gingrich doesn't have any.

Barrelhse April 3, 2012 at 5:46 pm

This could be bigger than the OK Corral. I sure hope so.

emmelemm April 3, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Pew pew! Pew pew!

{finger guns}

MissTaken April 3, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Just think! All the oldz can use the balloons for target practice during the big balloon drop finale. Fun!

elviouslyqueer April 3, 2012 at 5:46 pm

• Citywide, there would be a ban on carrying pieces of wood, hard tubes or anything else that could be used as a club, as well as water guns, super soakers, air guns, paintball guns, explosives, switchblades, hatchets, slingshots, brass knuckles, Mace, chains, crowbars, hammers, shovels, or any container containing urine, fecal matter or other bodily fluid.

Presumably because there will be enough shit being flung between the four posturing siamangs onstage at the convention.

MissTaken April 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

any container containing urine, fecal matter or other bodily fluid.

So no used condoms. Got it.

Crank_Tango April 3, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Yet the candidates somehow got, ahem, grandfathered in.

Generation[redacted] April 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

No oldz with colostomy bags allowed in Florida that week.

Also, Santorum is banned from the convention. Clever, Mitt. Well played.

Biff April 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I think that excludes gnewt.

Sharkey April 3, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Wait, no one is allowed to use a toilet?

Generation[redacted] April 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Is a toilet a container? Then, no. You'll have to wait until the cruise ship is out in international waters.

SorosBot April 3, 2012 at 5:59 pm

"hard tubes"

Wait, no dildos allowed? I think a lot of delegates will be sorely disappointed.

Not_So_Much April 3, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Bummer, James O'Keefe.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:28 pm

No Internet?

montreal_bruin April 3, 2012 at 6:25 pm

". . . any container containing urine, fecal matter or other bodily fluid."

Does this not prohibit frothy mixtures?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Odd that soda bottles full of gasoline are OK under these rules. Just saying.

Also, great lawn sign, spotted upstate:

"Yeah, whatever.
Romney. 2012."

That period after "Romney" is just so expressive. Pray for rain on election day, because these folks (fully half of the GOPtard base) are so not motivated.

George Spelvin April 4, 2012 at 12:23 am

Needs moar crossbows and morningstars.

arcane_allusion April 4, 2012 at 9:34 am

Come on they are not stupid. They know that a man with a jar of piss is a man with a plan.

chascates April 3, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Live-blogging from the convention floor!?! Is there any way you could get Riley to come back too and wear his top hat?

elfgoldsackring April 3, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Meh, total ripoff of 'Battle Royale'.

JustPixelz April 3, 2012 at 5:48 pm

"… proposed “Clean Zone"…”

It won't stay clean long when the Repubicans get started.

Lascauxcaveman April 3, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Note to all you pistol packin' Teabaggers and Paulites: Mitt will be wearing kevlar, and he moves pretty fast, so your your longer-barreled handguns would be the choice here for better accuracy.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Magic Kevlar undies, too also.

orygoon April 3, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I am sad that our Founding Fathers overlooked our right to bear string.

Seriously, are they going to take away the ladies' knitting? I can take pointy steel knitting needles on an airplane, for fuck's sake.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Fellow yarn maniac?

orygoon April 4, 2012 at 6:39 pm

A fan. I suppose if I made better and more complicated things, I'd be a maniac. Also somewhat too poor to buy the really nice yarns.

SayItWithWookies April 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Welcome to GOP heaven — speech is illegal, but everyone has a gun. And the people who made it this way come here for a week every four years.

starfanglednut April 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Except teh blahs. They should not have guns.

George Spelvin April 4, 2012 at 12:24 am

An armed convention is a polite convention.

hahahahahahahahaha

el_donaldo April 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Try not to make too big a fuss about it or they'll remember they still haven't gotten around to mandating that everyone in Florida must be armed at all times.

Extemporanus April 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

You can have my pole when you pry it from my stripper's cold, dead hands!

NellCote71 April 3, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Or from your hot, sweaty thighs?

Extemporanus April 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Sooo messy!

I almost went with exactly that, but the contortion gave me stage fright.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 10:40 pm

If you have a stripper's cold, dead hands on your pole, you've got a LOT of explaining to do.

Angry_Marmot April 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Let me just find an ATM…

Extemporanus April 3, 2012 at 7:12 pm
metamarcisf April 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

And it's too late to move the convention to St. Valentines Day.

nounverb911 April 3, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Sorry, the world ends Dec 21 so it'll be too late.

OzoneTom April 3, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I know. It would be amusing if someone throws a few firecrackers into the middle of that mass of responsible gun owners.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Barney would be popping off a round, lemme tell ya'.

chascates April 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Anyone heard if Dubya will address the crowd?

PubOption April 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I think he's a shoe-in.

soeoho April 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Cheney's gonna shoot skeet, so stand in front of him. Its safer.

Negropolis April 3, 2012 at 10:15 pm

George says he'd address the crowd if someone would just give him their zip code.

George Spelvin April 4, 2012 at 12:26 am

Who?

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 7:22 am

You wish you could forget that asshole, but his legacy hanuts us to this day and for years to come. Whenever you forget who he is, you'll remember him by the war we're still in.

Radio福井県 April 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I prefer to remember Charlton Heston swapping spit with an ape, thank you.

nounverb911 April 3, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Or meeting Harry Crane in the buff.

DerrickWildcat April 3, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I will take care of this Internet World Wide Web site while you are gone.

edgydrifter April 3, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Nothing says "stable democracy" like a sweaty, agitated mob milling around with guns.

FakaktaSouth April 3, 2012 at 5:52 pm

So are they still regulating the sticks and poles? I want to see EVERY sign on the end of a rifle, or some such other shooting weapon. Just nothing but guns, with posters taped to them. THAT would be amazing.

Extemporanus April 3, 2012 at 6:10 pm
George Spelvin April 4, 2012 at 12:27 am

That is a delightsome idea.

MissTaken April 3, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I'm glad to know the gun rack on my hover-round won't go to waste!

Radio福井県 April 3, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Arm the Bloggers!!1!

Extemporanus April 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Look, you stupid blogger…you've got no arms left!

Uyies ioi hsbve,!,

LOOK!

ITunes jnustr aa floershwouddfn!l1

Radio福井県 April 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm

I'm stumped.

Chichikovovich April 3, 2012 at 7:33 pm

It's intricate. The exchange between King Arthur and the Black Knight who gets all his limbs lopped off, with "blogger" instead of "bastard", and the lines spoken by the Black Knight are typed as if by someone using his nose or other clumsy body part. [look for consecutive letters that also occur together on the keyboard.]

Et voilà:
Look, you stupid blogger…you've got no arms left!

Yes I have!

LOOK!

It's just a flesh wound!

Radio福井県 April 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Who dare challenge the Black Knight?
And, also, también, we'll call it a draw.

glamourdammerung April 3, 2012 at 5:56 pm

1. Sit ouside GOP Convention with visible weapon and sign saying "President Obama is doing a reasonably good job".

2. When Republicans shriek insane threats, utilize "stand your ground" law.

3. ?????

4. Profit!

emmelemm April 3, 2012 at 6:20 pm

5. Ass-cavity search when booked into jail!

glamourdammerung April 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm

6. Unlawful arrest lawsuit!

(maybe someone should have thought about that before making it legal to murder folks)

terriblyfamous April 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

3. Book deal?

arihaya April 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

only worked if you're not blah

Joshua Norton April 3, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Schweet!! . The crowning touch for this whole sideshow would be to have it end up as a wingnut version of "Hunger Games".

Live ammo, liquor and bad tempers. What could possibly go wrong?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 10:47 pm

From my point of view, the only things that could go wrong are (a) not enough liquor, and/or (b) not enough ammo.

Crank_Tango April 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

My other stick is a gun.

emmelemm April 3, 2012 at 7:11 pm

"This… is my boomstick!"

lochnessmonster April 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Think George Zimmerman will show???

Veritas78 April 3, 2012 at 6:23 pm

He better be packin', given that he's a Hispaniolic.

Angry_Marmot April 3, 2012 at 7:01 pm

They'll introduce him from the podium.

AnAmericanInTO April 3, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Show? Hell, he's giving the keynote!

horsedreamer_1 April 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Hell's Zell will look positively lucid, by comparison.

Loaded_Pants April 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Only if anyone shows up in a hoodie.

Negropolis April 3, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Fucker'll be the keynote speaker.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 10:48 pm

If not the V.P. nominee.

Maman April 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I would NOT want to be Michael Steele at this event.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm

I wouldn't mind being WITH him, naked, moist , drunk and at a lesbian bondage club.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Hi, I'm Mikey!

Guppy April 3, 2012 at 7:56 pm

He'll be packin' in his NRA hoodie.

Steverino247 April 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

You can have these Ten Commandments when you pry them from my cold, dead hands!

What I find interesting is the fact that most police officers and their leadership hate these stupid gun laws. It's their asses out there and they know it!

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:53 am

I agree. Only the muggers should have guns. Where you find police you will find crime.

Blueb4sunrise April 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

There's a part of me that wants a storm just big enough to churn up a couple thousand barrels of BP crude that's maybe still floating around mid-depth in the Gulf, and dump it on the beach.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 10:50 pm

A storm (fueled by global warming) that dumps in in the convention center would be much, much better.

CapnFatback April 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

You know how this happened, right? Big Stick & Pole's lobbying power has been shit ever since John Holmes died.

rocktonsam April 3, 2012 at 6:14 pm

fingers crossed for a rootin, tootin, shootin convention.

Radio福井県 April 3, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Newton, poop chutin', but no Putin.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 3, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Snark 1: It's guns and Florida. Seen it. Taped it. Erased it.

Snark 2: It's a conspiracy that ABC plays the Jewish Hero Saga on Resurrection Sunday, Christians, so don't feel too special because of the religious "programming"

Snark 3: The tablet says "YouAndYourFriendsAreTheOnlyCreepsInThisPlace" (show of hands who can remember)

Veritas78 April 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Are machine-guns permitted?

Biff April 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I was gonna make a comment about a vacancy in Sanford, but I decided I'm not that big of an asshole.

Rotundo_ April 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

You have to wonder how many rentboys and whores will wind up in the local morgue with single gunshots to the back of the head when delegates decide to go economy class with the local entertainment. Drunk closeted assholes with guns and lots and lots of issues doesn't sound like a recipe for a quiet time down in FloDuh! At least they are a damn good ways away from here.

pdiddycornchips April 3, 2012 at 6:23 pm

So, guns are okay but Hoodies are security threats?
http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/

poorgradstudent April 3, 2012 at 6:25 pm

It's cute when they act like the natural consequence of their policies isn't "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome."

BlueStateLibel April 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

What could possibly go wrong with a pissed-off heavily armed crowd that's probably been drinking too much?

SkinnyNerd April 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm

So then Occupy RNCers can carry guns? I guess that is the only way to keep the police officers well behaved then.

Puffperney April 3, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Gandhi winces.

Biff April 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Can't wait for those craigslist ads. There's your rooms, Editrix and Newell!

Dashboard Buddha April 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm

"your editrix and Newell will be partying with the big guns"

Soooo, you and Newell, eh? Heh heh heh, he laughed leeringly.

gout April 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm

This could be so awesome. So anybody who feels threatened (and anybody hoping to use medicare or social security should) then they can pretty much just let 'er rip. Like a massive food fight only with guns.

Callyson April 3, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Wait until Dick Cheney hears this…

Puffperney April 3, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Back in the Wild West days, even Tombstone, Dodge City and Wichita outlawed carrying guns in town. How idiotic are these Florida people?

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:26 am

In some places, infinity is easy to measure.

Terry April 3, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Frankly, I hope at least half the GOP delegates openly carry serious firepower at the convention to demonstrate their fetishization of the 2nd Ammendment. That should scare independents and the few remaining thoughtful Republicans right over into Hopey's camp. Might result in a new party, too.

OneYieldRegular April 3, 2012 at 7:06 pm

All of the women I know feel threatened with bodily harm from the legislation currently being passed by various Republican legislatures. So.

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:28 am

Big deal. My worry is that maybe I can't not take my tank to a convention.

AlterNewt April 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

My couch is over here in South Pasadena, but, y'know, call me.

commiegirl April 3, 2012 at 7:38 pm

My couch is in mid-city. I'm soaking in it.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 3, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Get your librul hands off my stick! And my pole!

Nostrildamus April 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

We need some folks at the convention entrance handing out free guns, whiskey, amphetamines and fire crackers.

starfanglednut April 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Four Loko, also too.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 11:00 pm

And ammo! Lots and lots of ammo.

jbomble April 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Sadly, your head line is deceptive. Federal law puts the USSS in charge of conventions, and they set the rules. Thus, no guns at the convention. The Tampa newspaper notes this clearly.

However, outside of the convention, the kerfuffle exists as you describe. Why rile up lefties and make them think guns are in the actual convention? What good comes from that?

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Lulz?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Lefties are actually smart enough not to read that into the story. Wingnuts, ehhh, not so much.

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:30 am

States & crazies rights trump all.

Troglodeity April 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Guns don't kill people. Six-inch pieces of string kill people.

Chichikovovich April 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

If they're going to establish a "Free speech zone" for the exercise of First Amendment rights, it's only proper that they establish a "Free fire zone" for the exercise of Second Amendment rights.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 11:07 pm

"… it's only proper that they establish a "Free fire zone" for the exercise of Second Amendment rights.

They did. It's called "Florida."

sbj1964 April 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Leave it to Florida! Who brings a stick,or pole to a gun fight?You can't fix stupid !

mindo99 April 3, 2012 at 7:44 pm

All these problems would go away if pro-abortion pregnant women would swallow tiny guns so that the fetuses could protect themselves.

imissopus April 3, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I volunteer to house-sit for Rebecca, as long as she has cable and a liberal "drink whatever you want" policy with regard to her liquor cabinet.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 7:46 pm

"Florida Statute 790.33 prohibits local governments from enacting any laws on the sale, purchase, transfer, taxation, manufacture, ownership, possession, storage or transportation of guns or ammunition."

Except, for some reason, in the convention hall? How does that work?
Answer 1: The pols who pass these shithead laws don't want to put themselves at risk. Which suggests to me that they know full well just how fucking idiotic their gun laws are.
Answwer 2: The Secret Service knows full well just how fucking idiotic their gun laws are.

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:32 am

Correct on all 4 points. Well done.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Can't help you with Florida, but you and Newell are welcome to a couch in Harlem anytime. Also, Los Angeles.

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:33 am

I got 2 extra bedrooms in Tay Ho, Hanoi if you need them.

Limeylizzie April 4, 2012 at 9:52 am

Wonkette should visit you, en masse, that sounds fantastic!

chascates April 4, 2012 at 10:15 am

Did you visit justice upon your fellow traveler last night?

Limeylizzie April 4, 2012 at 10:25 am

No, I just made sure that the flight attendant loved me and hated him ,so I got my dinner first. I didn't have any carry-on other than my laptop, I just pushed him out of the way as I left the plane, revenge is sweet.

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 10:18 am

I could fit all 6 Wonketteres in without a problem. If they bring all their friends I could easily get someone to put the other 2 people up.

Slim_Pickins April 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Who will be the first to use "Stand and Deliver" as their campaign slogan? Rickie or the Newtwit?

DahBoner April 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

May the last man standing be Romney, because robotz don't bleed…

rickmaci April 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

To paraphrase. From San Diego to Tampa an iron curtain of intolerance, ignorance, and stupidity has descended across the Continent.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 11:03 pm

And somebody noticed?

rambone April 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Speaking of which, your editrix and Newell will be partying with the big guns (and presumably their dead hookers) in Tampa, and are looking for twin couches from you, the Beloved Rabble.

I just checked and, unfortunately, while my Nanna would have loved to have you guys stay with her, her retirement community has a strict "no commies/young people" policy.

Also, too, she doesn't have enough roofies and duct tape for both of you.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 3, 2012 at 9:46 pm

*smug satisfaction*

Monsieur_Grumpe April 3, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I think that tablet that Chuck is holding translates to “To Serve Man”.

Negropolis April 3, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Reap what you sow, motherfuckers; reap what you sow. Your All-Armed, All-the-Time paradise has arrived. Rejoice and be glad in it.

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:37 am

Damn, I always thought it was rape what you sew. Just the thought of sex with new denim kept me straight or limp.

BTWBFDIMHO April 3, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Great, I wanna see Cheney walking in with his new heart and his old rifle.

Negropolis April 3, 2012 at 10:20 pm

I'm still allowed my cudgel, right? I was told that there would be cudgels.

738838 April 3, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Newll's gonna Tampa wid the editrix. Sweet

Biel_ze_Bubba April 3, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Speking of Floriduh …. I'm guessing these these aren't selling very well at all.

Dr. Nick Riviera April 4, 2012 at 12:26 am

So in all seriousness, they can stop people carrying water guns and force them to replace them with real guns before letting them enter? I swear I saw this on a parody movie once.

oldedinvn April 4, 2012 at 8:23 am

Ah gunz, I get excited thinking about them. Mostly because of the absence of them here. Few police here have them there manhood symbols. Here the big law is called Polite. More people die here from trying to salvage metal from unexploded bombs , meteor hits & lightning than guns.
Yeah, they hate you for your freedom.

ttommyunger April 4, 2012 at 8:27 am

Law, shmaw, I always pack and nobody knows it; plus, it's been my experience that in environments where everybody is armed-everybody is super polite and considerate (gun shows, firing ranges, gun stores, etc.).

SoBeach April 4, 2012 at 8:51 am

You are welcome to my guest room. It's quiet and private, but I'm 150 miles from Tampa. That's a long drive, but there are dozens of shops on the route where you can stock up on guns and ammo.

SolitaireRose April 4, 2012 at 9:10 am

Oh, I am SO ready for some teabagger to say that he feels threatened by Mitt Romney's health care position. This is gonna be like a John Woo movie!

BelleSC April 4, 2012 at 9:34 am

Since I am originally *from* Florida I feel qualified in asking this:

Who is their right friggin' mind would go to Tampa in AUGUST? This has been mentioned before but it bears repeating.

Outside the freezing convention hall the weather will be like a dress rehearsal for Hell.

SoBeach April 4, 2012 at 9:58 am

It's like going to Minneapolis in January. You run from climate-controlled buildings to climate-controlled cars knowing that the weather is waiting to kill you if you make the slightest mistake.

DahBoner April 4, 2012 at 11:12 am

Furst you load the musket balls.

Then you Tampa down your Blah powder…

emmelemm April 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

How does that work again? I think I need a diagram.

BlueStateLibel April 3, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Similar to the Live by the Sword/Die by the Sword. But still, freedumbs!

Generation[redacted] April 3, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Spray:Pray :: Sow:Reap

MaxUdargo April 4, 2012 at 1:39 am

Conservatives are aware of this warning, because it comes out of the mouth of Jesus in the Bible (Matthew 26:52), but since it's something only a pussy would say, they know that Jesus wasn't literally talking about swords, but rather penises. So it was a prophecy concerning Bill Clinton, and it sure as hell didn't have anything to do with guns, which Jesus loved.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I'd be laughing my ass off if this supreme court got super literal and ruled that the right to bear arms only applies to one's physical arms. lol

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