BREAKING THE LAW BREAKING THE LAW  1:11 pm April 3, 2012

Godfather Herman Cain Will Illegally Fire All You Union Thugs

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Put me in jail.Everyone’s favorite cooldaddy former GOP presidential candidate, serial quid pro quo lady harasser, and totally all-around-well-informed dude Herb Cain has a message for all you Union Thugz out there: You want a job don’t you? Well he will fire you if you join or organize a union! It seems like Ol’ Herb maybe does not know that firing employees for unionizing is against the law? (Still! But give the Supreme Court a little time. They have to outlaw Medicare first before they can get cracking on all of FDR’s other achievements.) Anyway, here is what Cain said, regarding the recall of Scott Walker, because he is an idiot (both he’s).

When I ran Godfather’s Pizza, my employees had every right – every right – to unionize if they wanted to. The good news is, because of the kind of work environment we created, they didn’t want to unionize. But they had every right to unionize. Now, if they had decided to unionize, I could also decide to fire all of ‘em.

Don’t worry, pardner. The Roberts Court will have your back. [RightWingWatch]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 111 comments }

Barb April 3, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Is the Secret Service still providing him with protection or has his wife cooled off yet?

ifthethunderdontgetya April 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm

He's just a jiggalo…
~

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I don't get it.

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Every Day…

Reveals another wonderful snark
That delights me,
Like the very first time
You commented.
I would upfist you
Again and again
'Til Wonkette do us part.

© American Greetings,® Inc.

Barb April 3, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Oh yeah, I saw that Tom Brady comment of yours and I laughed aloud.

el_donaldo April 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

It's better than what he'd do if they were flying rabbits.

DaRooster April 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Herman Who?
Is he the old SF Chronicle writer dot dot dot?

commiebro April 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

that's HERB, yo. (tea hea!)

Doktor StrangeZoom April 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"Stupid People are Ruining America"

–Herman Cain, November 2011

freakishlywrong April 3, 2012 at 1:24 pm

That's the only thing he ever said that I could get behind.

OneDollarJuana April 3, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Takes one to know one.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 12:34 am

It'd have been even better if he realized he was one of those "stupid people ruining America." But, I guess you got to take what you can get.

DaRooster April 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

SHOULDA VOTED FOR ME… I woulda fit right in!!

freakishlywrong April 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Oh Herman. Yes, in "Right to work" states you can fire someone for looking at you cross-eyed. But in U.S. of America, you CANNOT fire them for trying to form a union.

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 4:08 pm

U.S. of America is shrinking every day! What are there, about 5 states left?

johnnymeatworth April 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Then he'll invite them into his limo one by one and discuss how they can reclaim their "jobs."

Lascauxcaveman April 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Probably just the ladies, though. He's such a RINO.

mrblifil April 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm

He seems tired. Might I suggest a Florida vacation? Long walks at sunset? Ahhh.

freakishlywrong April 3, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Bring the hoodie though. Chilly still in the evenings.

Chichikovovich April 3, 2012 at 1:56 pm

A nice can of iced tea will help give him the energy for the walk. And maybe something sugary sweet to boost the blood sugar…..

Callyson April 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Nein, nein, nein.

LastGasp April 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

"The good news is, because of the kind of work environment we created, they didn’t want to unionize." Translation: The workers were told when they were hired that if they joined a union or even talked of joining a union, Godfather’s Pizza would find an excuse to fire them.

OneDollarJuana April 3, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Actually, I worked for Hewlett Packard in the '70s when they successfully kept the unions out by providing good pay, a good work environment, good benefits, free education, etc. And monthly beer bashes and barbecues. So that kind of system can work.

But when they stopped the beer bashes, I quit.

jakegittes April 3, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Like the old saying goes, "If you don't like unions, don't treat your employees like shit."

Gratuitous World April 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Looks like PResident Romney has found his next appointment to the NLRB.
haha, just kidding, the NLRB won't exist anymore.

Mahousu April 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Sure it will. Somebody has to handle the paperwork for decertifying unions.

bureaucrap April 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I think in the next administration the "paperwork" will be handled by rent-a-cops with tear gas.

Clancy_Pants April 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I miss him so much. Brokered convention?

el_donaldo April 3, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Only if we can get Huntsman's daughters back.

straighteight April 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Herman Cain is the Noid.

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 1:19 pm

WHEW! Any thing but that Levi photograph. That was up for waaaaaay to long.

sullivanst April 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Unfortunately the prefold here is too short to bump Levi off my screen entirely.

sewollef April 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Show off! You people with your 27 inch iMacs — those big screens are bad for you y'know…

sullivanst April 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

23" PC monitor libel!

JustPixelz April 3, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Wait. Size does matter?

MissTaken April 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I had to recharge my vibrator 7 times during that. My poor electric bill.

JustPixelz April 3, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Thank goodness for energy companies. Drill baby, drill!

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 1:38 pm

You're a very warped woman.

SorosBot April 3, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Just be glad you have a rechargeable and didn't have to keep changing the batteries instead.

elviouslyqueer April 3, 2012 at 1:36 pm

That's what he said.

randcoolcatdaddy April 3, 2012 at 1:19 pm

So … I guess if someone didn't care for your sexual advances at work, you'd just fire their ass too, right?

BarackMyWorld April 3, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Sounds like he enjoyed being able to fire people.

SorosBot April 3, 2012 at 1:20 pm

He then continues; "If you were an attractive young lady and refused to suck my cock, we also fired you." And wondered why they faced so many lawsuits.

elviouslyqueer April 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Yup, Hermie. It's precisely because of the compassionate, employee-centered atmosphere you created, not to mention your amazing business acumen and in-depth knowledge of hiring practices, that has led to Godfather's being the sterling success it is today.

Oh, wait.

el_donaldo April 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Plus the pizza sucks.

anniegetyerfun April 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

They had a taco pizza that, while objectively awful, was one of my favorite meals EVER. My parents finally enforced a Godfather's ban in our household.

__kth__ April 3, 2012 at 2:25 pm

In fairness, shitty pizza is fundamental to pizza franchises. The public loves those coupons that promise 3 large pizzas for $15, and there's no way to make anything but lousy pizza at those prices.

tihond April 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Godfather Employees: Can we form a union?

Cain: NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!

smashedinhat April 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Someone needs to make Herman an offer he can't refuse. STFU or GTFO.

edgydrifter April 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm

If you've ever murdered your entire family because one of your kids "got lippy," you probably find Cain's anecdotes both amusing and quite sensible.

LiveToServeYa April 3, 2012 at 1:23 pm

So, when will the "Union Workers for Cain" website go up?

BaldarTFlagass April 3, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Maybe on his deathbed he will receive full consciousness.

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm

And promptly die of embarrassment.

edgydrifter April 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm

What Would Rob Halford Do?

sullivanst April 3, 2012 at 1:28 pm

You don't know what it's like.

Chichikovovich April 3, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Breaking the law, breaking the law….♫ ♬

doloras April 3, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Buttsechs, and good on him.

MissTaken April 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

To be fair, if he fired those people he would have to hire other people to make the pizzas and threaten with firing ("you know what happened to the last guy who talked about unions, right?!). This is called "Job Creation".

JustPixelz April 3, 2012 at 1:41 pm

So that's what he meant by "you want that job, don't you"! I totally misunderstood. But at least now I can safely say that to my female co-workers. I'm sure they'll thank me.

freakishlywrong April 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Rabbit catapult or GTFO.

BlueStateLibel April 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm

He also added that he wouldn't of course fire the lady union workers who put out for him.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I am a proud member of 2 unions and I wouldn't let him near me with a ten-foot pole, or Pole.

widestanceromance April 3, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Always on the lookout for the union labia.

anniegetyerfun April 3, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Well, the Roberts court would probably be comfy with him strip-searching his employees. And I don't doubt that THAT was a regular practice under Hermie.

OneYieldRegular April 3, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Terrific management skills there. Threaten to fire your own employees, most of whom are stoned high school kids slinging pizza 'cause it's the only job they can get, and then be all surprised when customers start finding weird stuff in their pies.

Extemporanus April 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Norma Rae — who died of brain cancer in 2009 after her insurance company delayed treatment — wrote her famously courageous call to unionize on the bottom of a Godfather's Pizza box.

TRUE STORY!

Texan_Bulldog April 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Umm…why is Hermie still talking about anything? He selling books or a web site or pizza? Oh, never mind, I bet he's searching for wimmenz.

Antispandex April 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

How did this guy miss the nomination? He is everything a Teapublican whacks off to every night! A Mittens / Cain ticket in the near future? Please?

Maman April 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm

It is currently illegal to fire workers for creating a union. Give the SCOTUS a week or so, I am sure that they will find some justification for overturning that law. Because Gilded Age.

Goonemeritus April 3, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I know a lot of union types are teachers and civil service workers who skew left but I also have managed several manufacturing plants that were unionized that way skewed right. The Republican Party has spent decades sucking up to Joe lunch box and during the last 3 years they have gone out of their way to punch them in the balls. I know manufacturing is a small subset of the economy and union labor in manufacturing is smaller still but I still can’t see how this strategy helps them.

JustPixelz April 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

"…punch them in the balls…"

And that's gentle treatment compared to the "rape is a gift from God" treatment they're giving women.

Chichikovovich April 3, 2012 at 2:10 pm

We talked about that a bit during the occupy protests, when various unions came in solidarity. Last time there was such a protest on Wall Street the fully planned "spontaneous" hard hat riot descended on the soon-to-be-beaten hippies. I hope some of those Nixon-loving goons are still alive today, with their pensions cut to half of what they expected, never seeing the grandkids because their kids needed to move to the other side of the country to get jobs. And perhaps for a brief moment it will occur to them that they backed the wrong side.

LesBontemps April 3, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Hey, the pizza guy is back! Bom chick-a wah-wah.

MoeDeLawn April 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm

ya know, that's pizza libel. Gas station pizza shouldn't be allowed to call itself pizza..

Joshua Norton April 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Fun fact:

Newt Gingrich and Chris Christie ordered most of the pizzas that made Herman Cain rich.

donner_froh April 3, 2012 at 1:36 pm

In Herman Cain's Amerikkka it is legal to ask for sex before you give someone a job and legal to fire employees for trying to organize a union.

So the workers get fucked either way.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 3, 2012 at 1:42 pm

It's about time. The price of a BJ has gone way up since they let those whores organize.

SorosBot April 3, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Won't somebody please think of the pimps?

CogitoErgoBibo April 3, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Mittens/Cain in 2012! Slogan: Because We Like Firing People.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 3, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Being made aware of Herman's existence has made me feel a lot better about all of the pizzas that I stole when I worked at a godfathers in high school / college.

spends2much April 3, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I'm guessing by the time the Roberts Court is in the history books, ole Herman will be back to being considered 3/5ths of an American. With Clarence Thomas casting the deciding vote.

fuflans April 3, 2012 at 1:46 pm

i love needling my right-ish family about my three union memberships.

oh, and fuck you too herman.

SheriffRoscoe April 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Fuck Herman Cain. And fuck even harder, with a giant cactus dick, the blue-collar working-class people who wanted him to be president.

ALIVE! April 3, 2012 at 1:58 pm

In Cain's defense, it's barely illegal to fire people for joining a union these days….

DahBoner April 3, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I kinda like having 2 whole days off, some call it a 'weekend'.

THANK YOU MOTHERFUCKING Wisconsin. UNIONS!!!

valthemus April 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm

What are facts? Briars in the rose bush of pandering, nonsensical rabble-rousing. Such uncomfortable things, these facts of yours.

ttommyunger April 3, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Herman is just playing the Karma game with his wild and crazy dick-sucking antics. Give a guy a break, sure, he had to suck a lot of dicks to get to "House Nigger" status. 'Course all the dicks he sucked were white, so he's got that going for him, which is nice. BTW, ever seen his college yearbook pix? Says it all…

Wile E. Quixote April 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm

If I had a dollar for every inch of white cock that Clarence Thomas and Herman Cain eagerly crammed down their gullets to get where they are it would easily make up for my not winning last week's MegaMillions jackpot.

ttommyunger April 4, 2012 at 7:51 pm

It shows, too. It is written all over their faces…

prommie April 3, 2012 at 2:09 pm

We are so fucked.

SheriffRoscoe April 3, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Yes we are, prommie. Maybe once we disband all the unions and bring back child labor and debtors prisons, we can all rise up and…..aw, fuck it. These hayseeds who vote republican deserve the non-lubricated ass pounding they're begging for.

prommie April 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I'm high income, but I am still wage-slave. Damn, man, the only hope is to make it into that "living off returns on investment" class before they shut the doors (when there just won't be high-wage jobs anymore). I should buy a shitty apartment house and become a slumlord, its something.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 12:45 am

We would be if Herman Cain was a fuckin' somebody. The man's a carnival barker.

Deportably_Jose April 3, 2012 at 2:16 pm

To be fair, he's partly right: the usual trick is to articulate some other reason -*any* other reason, so long as it's not tied to other protected classes, really- for firing unionizing workers. The amount of deniability required is pretty minimal, something that businesses routinely, and gleefully take advantage of. Depending on local laws, "no reason at all in particular" can be a perfectly cromulent reason to "let employees go," even.

Of course, the flip side of that coin is that the one thing this trick keeps you from doing is giving up the game. You can't spell out that you fire workers for unionizing. Which is what Herman Cain just did.

flamingpdog April 3, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I have disdain
For Herman Cain.
He is a pain
With little brain.
He is insane,
A slut like Jane.
And in that vein,
I must maintain
He's on a train
He's can't sustain,
That Herman Cain.

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm

See you at the Green Mill Sunday night!

WiscDad April 3, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Fuckin' ain

Wile E. Quixote April 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Herman Cain and Clarence Thomas, proof positive that affirmative action leads to unqualified minorities being promoted into positions they're not equipped to handle.

MosesInvests April 3, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Slappy Thomas did not get onto SCOTUS through affirmative action. That was pure tokenism, thank you.

Wile E. Quixote April 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm
chascates April 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Now if only his mistresses formed a union.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 12:46 am

United Sisterhood of Pipefitters Local 999?

__kth__ April 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm

If the penalty for organizing was to get fired, how does Herman know that the workers were happy-happy and didn't want to start a union anyway?

Beowoof April 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Hermans hunger games a right wing plan for the future.

prommie April 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Did someone just say the other day, that when Herman Cain speaks, its like SouthPark Johnny Cochrane, "look at this silly monkey" defense? Just gibberish, jabbering gibberish.

prommie April 3, 2012 at 3:49 pm

And hey, off topic, but, multiple enormous tornadoes ripping through dallas, texas, sending houses, old ladies on bicycles, and small hills flying through the air. Where is W?

Chet Kincaid April 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"You see, you have a right not to get on all fours and show me what a horny little doggie you are. And I have a right not to hire that ass if you don't! America provides us with both choice and opportunity."

WiscDad April 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I can't believe (though some do) some of the shit that has been coming out of the collective mouth of the conservative movement. I'm sure there is some ignorant fuck driving a piece of shit, rusted out el Dorado with a 'W04' bumper sticker somewhere hearing that bullshit and sayin' 'Damn right…fire them fuckers'. Republicans…party of the ignorant.

James Michael Curley April 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Herman Cain is my name
And I serve pizza on a plate
But in a stone oven first
I put it in to bake

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 12:31 am

Godfather Herman Cain Will Illegally Fire All You Union Thugs

I'd like to see you try, you horn-dogging, pizza-shilling muthafucka.

I'm so glad the good forces in this state are revving up to codifying the right to collectively bargain here in Michigan before the GOP can get their damned, dirty hands on right-to-work (for less) legislation. Make my day.

Negropolis April 4, 2012 at 12:42 am

I like my pizza without scabs, thank you very much, Mr. Cain.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: