Put me in jail.Everyone’s favorite cooldaddy former GOP presidential candidate, serial quid pro quo lady harasser, and totally all-around-well-informed dude Herb Cain has a message for all you Union Thugz out there: You want a job don’t you? Well he will fire you if you join or organize a union! It seems like Ol’ Herb maybe does not know that firing employees for unionizing is against the law? (Still! But give the Supreme Court a little time. They have to outlaw Medicare first before they can get cracking on all of FDR’s other achievements.) Anyway, here is what Cain said, regarding the recall of Scott Walker, because he is an idiot (both he’s).

When I ran Godfather’s Pizza, my employees had every right – every right – to unionize if they wanted to. The good news is, because of the kind of work environment we created, they didn’t want to unionize. But they had every right to unionize. Now, if they had decided to unionize, I could also decide to fire all of ’em.

Don’t worry, pardner. The Roberts Court will have your back. [RightWingWatch]

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  • Barb

    Is the Secret Service still providing him with protection or has his wife cooled off yet?

    • He's just a jiggalo…

    • Every Day…

      Reveals another wonderful snark
      That delights me,
      Like the very first time
      You commented.
      I would upfist you
      Again and again
      'Til Wonkette do us part.

      © American Greetings,® Inc.

      • Barb

        Oh yeah, I saw that Tom Brady comment of yours and I laughed aloud.

  • el_donaldo

    It's better than what he'd do if they were flying rabbits.

  • DaRooster

    Herman Who?
    Is he the old SF Chronicle writer dot dot dot?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    "Stupid People are Ruining America"

    –Herman Cain, November 2011

    • freakishlywrong

      That's the only thing he ever said that I could get behind.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Takes one to know one.

      • Negropolis

        It'd have been even better if he realized he was one of those "stupid people ruining America." But, I guess you got to take what you can get.

    • DaRooster

      SHOULDA VOTED FOR ME… I woulda fit right in!!

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh Herman. Yes, in "Right to work" states you can fire someone for looking at you cross-eyed. But in U.S. of America, you CANNOT fire them for trying to form a union.

    • U.S. of America is shrinking every day! What are there, about 5 states left?

  • johnnymeatworth

    Then he'll invite them into his limo one by one and discuss how they can reclaim their "jobs."

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Probably just the ladies, though. He's such a RINO.

  • He seems tired. Might I suggest a Florida vacation? Long walks at sunset? Ahhh.

    • freakishlywrong

      Bring the hoodie though. Chilly still in the evenings.

    • Chichikovovich

      A nice can of iced tea will help give him the energy for the walk. And maybe something sugary sweet to boost the blood sugar…..

  • Callyson

    Nein, nein, nein.

  • LastGasp

    "The good news is, because of the kind of work environment we created, they didn’t want to unionize." Translation: The workers were told when they were hired that if they joined a union or even talked of joining a union, Godfather’s Pizza would find an excuse to fire them.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Actually, I worked for Hewlett Packard in the '70s when they successfully kept the unions out by providing good pay, a good work environment, good benefits, free education, etc. And monthly beer bashes and barbecues. So that kind of system can work.

      But when they stopped the beer bashes, I quit.

      • jakegittes

        Like the old saying goes, "If you don't like unions, don't treat your employees like shit."

  • Looks like PResident Romney has found his next appointment to the NLRB.
    haha, just kidding, the NLRB won't exist anymore.

    • Mahousu

      Sure it will. Somebody has to handle the paperwork for decertifying unions.

      • bureaucrap

        I think in the next administration the "paperwork" will be handled by rent-a-cops with tear gas.

  • I miss him so much. Brokered convention?

    • el_donaldo

      Only if we can get Huntsman's daughters back.

  • straighteight

    Herman Cain is the Noid.

  • Baconzgood

    WHEW! Any thing but that Levi photograph. That was up for waaaaaay to long.

    • sullivanst

      Unfortunately the prefold here is too short to bump Levi off my screen entirely.

      • sewollef

        Show off! You people with your 27 inch iMacs — those big screens are bad for you y'know…

        • sullivanst

          23" PC monitor libel!

          • JustPixelz

            Wait. Size does matter?

    • MissTaken

      I had to recharge my vibrator 7 times during that. My poor electric bill.

      • JustPixelz

        Thank goodness for energy companies. Drill baby, drill!

      • Baconzgood

        You're a very warped woman.

      • SorosBot

        Just be glad you have a rechargeable and didn't have to keep changing the batteries instead.

    • elviouslyqueer

      That's what he said.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    So … I guess if someone didn't care for your sexual advances at work, you'd just fire their ass too, right?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Sounds like he enjoyed being able to fire people.

  • SorosBot

    He then continues; "If you were an attractive young lady and refused to suck my cock, we also fired you." And wondered why they faced so many lawsuits.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Yup, Hermie. It's precisely because of the compassionate, employee-centered atmosphere you created, not to mention your amazing business acumen and in-depth knowledge of hiring practices, that has led to Godfather's being the sterling success it is today.

    Oh, wait.

    • el_donaldo

      Plus the pizza sucks.

      • anniegetyerfun

        They had a taco pizza that, while objectively awful, was one of my favorite meals EVER. My parents finally enforced a Godfather's ban in our household.

      • __kth__

        In fairness, shitty pizza is fundamental to pizza franchises. The public loves those coupons that promise 3 large pizzas for $15, and there's no way to make anything but lousy pizza at those prices.

  • tihond

    Godfather Employees: Can we form a union?

    Cain: NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!

  • smashedinhat

    Someone needs to make Herman an offer he can't refuse. STFU or GTFO.

  • edgydrifter

    If you've ever murdered your entire family because one of your kids "got lippy," you probably find Cain's anecdotes both amusing and quite sensible.

  • LiveToServeYa

    So, when will the "Union Workers for Cain" website go up?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe on his deathbed he will receive full consciousness.

  • edgydrifter

    What Would Rob Halford Do?

    • sullivanst

      You don't know what it's like.

    • Chichikovovich

      Breaking the law, breaking the law….♫ ♬

    • doloras

      Buttsechs, and good on him.

  • MissTaken

    To be fair, if he fired those people he would have to hire other people to make the pizzas and threaten with firing ("you know what happened to the last guy who talked about unions, right?!). This is called "Job Creation".

    • JustPixelz

      So that's what he meant by "you want that job, don't you"! I totally misunderstood. But at least now I can safely say that to my female co-workers. I'm sure they'll thank me.

  • freakishlywrong

    Rabbit catapult or GTFO.

  • BlueStateLibel

    He also added that he wouldn't of course fire the lady union workers who put out for him.

    • Limeylizzie

      I am a proud member of 2 unions and I wouldn't let him near me with a ten-foot pole, or Pole.

    • widestanceromance

      Always on the lookout for the union labia.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Well, the Roberts court would probably be comfy with him strip-searching his employees. And I don't doubt that THAT was a regular practice under Hermie.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Terrific management skills there. Threaten to fire your own employees, most of whom are stoned high school kids slinging pizza 'cause it's the only job they can get, and then be all surprised when customers start finding weird stuff in their pies.

  • Extemporanus

    Norma Rae — who died of brain cancer in 2009 after her insurance company delayed treatment — wrote her famously courageous call to unionize on the bottom of a Godfather's Pizza box.


  • Texan_Bulldog

    Umm…why is Hermie still talking about anything? He selling books or a web site or pizza? Oh, never mind, I bet he's searching for wimmenz.

  • Antispandex

    How did this guy miss the nomination? He is everything a Teapublican whacks off to every night! A Mittens / Cain ticket in the near future? Please?

  • It is currently illegal to fire workers for creating a union. Give the SCOTUS a week or so, I am sure that they will find some justification for overturning that law. Because Gilded Age.

  • Goonemeritus

    I know a lot of union types are teachers and civil service workers who skew left but I also have managed several manufacturing plants that were unionized that way skewed right. The Republican Party has spent decades sucking up to Joe lunch box and during the last 3 years they have gone out of their way to punch them in the balls. I know manufacturing is a small subset of the economy and union labor in manufacturing is smaller still but I still can’t see how this strategy helps them.

    • JustPixelz

      "…punch them in the balls…"

      And that's gentle treatment compared to the "rape is a gift from God" treatment they're giving women.

    • Chichikovovich

      We talked about that a bit during the occupy protests, when various unions came in solidarity. Last time there was such a protest on Wall Street the fully planned "spontaneous" hard hat riot descended on the soon-to-be-beaten hippies. I hope some of those Nixon-loving goons are still alive today, with their pensions cut to half of what they expected, never seeing the grandkids because their kids needed to move to the other side of the country to get jobs. And perhaps for a brief moment it will occur to them that they backed the wrong side.

  • LesBontemps

    Hey, the pizza guy is back! Bom chick-a wah-wah.

    • MoeDeLawn

      ya know, that's pizza libel. Gas station pizza shouldn't be allowed to call itself pizza..

  • Joshua Norton

    Fun fact:

    Newt Gingrich and Chris Christie ordered most of the pizzas that made Herman Cain rich.

  • In Herman Cain's Amerikkka it is legal to ask for sex before you give someone a job and legal to fire employees for trying to organize a union.

    So the workers get fucked either way.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    It's about time. The price of a BJ has gone way up since they let those whores organize.

    • SorosBot

      Won't somebody please think of the pimps?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Mittens/Cain in 2012! Slogan: Because We Like Firing People.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Being made aware of Herman's existence has made me feel a lot better about all of the pizzas that I stole when I worked at a godfathers in high school / college.

  • spends2much

    I'm guessing by the time the Roberts Court is in the history books, ole Herman will be back to being considered 3/5ths of an American. With Clarence Thomas casting the deciding vote.

  • fuflans

    i love needling my right-ish family about my three union memberships.

    oh, and fuck you too herman.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Fuck Herman Cain. And fuck even harder, with a giant cactus dick, the blue-collar working-class people who wanted him to be president.

  • ALIVE!

    In Cain's defense, it's barely illegal to fire people for joining a union these days….

  • DahBoner

    I kinda like having 2 whole days off, some call it a 'weekend'.


  • What are facts? Briars in the rose bush of pandering, nonsensical rabble-rousing. Such uncomfortable things, these facts of yours.

  • ttommyunger

    Herman is just playing the Karma game with his wild and crazy dick-sucking antics. Give a guy a break, sure, he had to suck a lot of dicks to get to "House Nigger" status. 'Course all the dicks he sucked were white, so he's got that going for him, which is nice. BTW, ever seen his college yearbook pix? Says it all…

    • Wile E. Quixote

      If I had a dollar for every inch of white cock that Clarence Thomas and Herman Cain eagerly crammed down their gullets to get where they are it would easily make up for my not winning last week's MegaMillions jackpot.

      • ttommyunger

        It shows, too. It is written all over their faces…

  • prommie

    We are so fucked.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Yes we are, prommie. Maybe once we disband all the unions and bring back child labor and debtors prisons, we can all rise up and…, fuck it. These hayseeds who vote republican deserve the non-lubricated ass pounding they're begging for.

      • prommie

        I'm high income, but I am still wage-slave. Damn, man, the only hope is to make it into that "living off returns on investment" class before they shut the doors (when there just won't be high-wage jobs anymore). I should buy a shitty apartment house and become a slumlord, its something.

    • Negropolis

      We would be if Herman Cain was a fuckin' somebody. The man's a carnival barker.

  • To be fair, he's partly right: the usual trick is to articulate some other reason -*any* other reason, so long as it's not tied to other protected classes, really- for firing unionizing workers. The amount of deniability required is pretty minimal, something that businesses routinely, and gleefully take advantage of. Depending on local laws, "no reason at all in particular" can be a perfectly cromulent reason to "let employees go," even.

    Of course, the flip side of that coin is that the one thing this trick keeps you from doing is giving up the game. You can't spell out that you fire workers for unionizing. Which is what Herman Cain just did.

  • flamingpdog

    I have disdain
    For Herman Cain.
    He is a pain
    With little brain.
    He is insane,
    A slut like Jane.
    And in that vein,
    I must maintain
    He's on a train
    He's can't sustain,
    That Herman Cain.

    • See you at the Green Mill Sunday night!

    • WiscDad

      Fuckin' ain

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Herman Cain and Clarence Thomas, proof positive that affirmative action leads to unqualified minorities being promoted into positions they're not equipped to handle.

  • chascates

    Now if only his mistresses formed a union.

    • Negropolis

      United Sisterhood of Pipefitters Local 999?

  • __kth__

    If the penalty for organizing was to get fired, how does Herman know that the workers were happy-happy and didn't want to start a union anyway?

  • Beowoof

    Hermans hunger games a right wing plan for the future.

  • prommie

    Did someone just say the other day, that when Herman Cain speaks, its like SouthPark Johnny Cochrane, "look at this silly monkey" defense? Just gibberish, jabbering gibberish.

  • prommie

    And hey, off topic, but, multiple enormous tornadoes ripping through dallas, texas, sending houses, old ladies on bicycles, and small hills flying through the air. Where is W?

  • "You see, you have a right not to get on all fours and show me what a horny little doggie you are. And I have a right not to hire that ass if you don't! America provides us with both choice and opportunity."

  • WiscDad

    I can't believe (though some do) some of the shit that has been coming out of the collective mouth of the conservative movement. I'm sure there is some ignorant fuck driving a piece of shit, rusted out el Dorado with a 'W04' bumper sticker somewhere hearing that bullshit and sayin' 'Damn right…fire them fuckers'. Republicans…party of the ignorant.

  • James Michael Curley

    Herman Cain is my name
    And I serve pizza on a plate
    But in a stone oven first
    I put it in to bake

  • Negropolis

    Godfather Herman Cain Will Illegally Fire All You Union Thugs

    I'd like to see you try, you horn-dogging, pizza-shilling muthafucka.

    I'm so glad the good forces in this state are revving up to codifying the right to collectively bargain here in Michigan before the GOP can get their damned, dirty hands on right-to-work (for less) legislation. Make my day.

  • Negropolis

    I like my pizza without scabs, thank you very much, Mr. Cain.

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