teach your children well

Fox Nation Calls Michelle Obama Spearchucker

We see what you did there.Dude, total good one, Fox Nation:

Michelle Obama, who has quickly become the Obama campaign’s tip of the spear when it comes to fundraising and vote-getting, is now stumping for children to convince their “great-grandparents” to vote for her husband.

We see what you did there!

Congratulations, you have just made us miss Orange County hilarious person “B-1″ Bob Dornan like the dickens! We must get “lesbian spearchucker” back into the lexicon but pronto!

Anyway, the rest of the three paragraph story “Michelle Obama Tells Kids Their Parents Are ‘Wrong'” is about Michelle Obama saying something, something, dunno, something terrible we guess. Here, here are the other two paragraphs, so you don’t have to click through.

I mean, I can’t tell you in the last election how many grandparents I ran into who said, I wasn’t going to vote for Barack Obama until my grandson talked to me, until my great-grandson talked to me, and talked about the future he wanted for this country.

You can get out there with your parents. You guys can knock on doors. I had one young lady who brought me a petition — she’s already working. You can convince wrong people. Sometimes we don’t listen to ourselves, but we will listen to our children.

BURN HER.

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    I've got a tip for Michelle.

    • JustPixelz

      FYI: Her husband has nuclear weapons.

      • nonbeliever7

        He'd be much more subtle. He'd use those drones that can fly up your colon and make you die from internal bleeding. It's got to be true, I read it on the web.

    • HistoriCat

      Just the tip?

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

        Of course! "Buy low, sell high."

        Ya pack of preverts!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          You've been here HOW LONG, and you did not know this? Dirty, filthy preverts, the whole lotta us.

  • prommie

    So she is the 4077th's ringer?

    • mrpuma2u

      Thank you for the Robert Altman's M.A.S.H. reference. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye.

      • prommie

        Bring me the haughty bitch with fire in her eyes.

  • WiscDad

    Wow…that photo makes her look like she just stepped out of 'Get Christie Love'.

    • LesBontemps

      "Christie Love" is what you get when you deliver a crate of Krispy Kremes to the Governor of New Jersey.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Fox Nation needs a tip of the spear right through their white sheets and hoods.

    • oldedinvn

      More than likely, them there sheets ain't not too white.
      Think nocturnal stains or the word I can't not spil.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Everything that woman does is wrong!

    • Terry

      Funny, that

  • deleted5554996

    She should suggest that we "unzip the real Barack."

    • Beetagger

      'Scuse me while I whip this out.'

    • CivicHoliday

      Oh it's twue it's twue!

    • SorosBot

      Obasm!

    • sullivanst

      I doubt many Wonketteers would need to be told…

    • Boojum

      Then we'd see the real tip of the spear.

    • BerkeleyBear

      And have the smelling salts ready for all the ladies swooning.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      fap fap fap fap!

    • DetectiveGrey

      I guess we hope he stands firm and tall?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        RMONEY ain't too stiff, Ann sez "unzip him and see." Michelle don't say nothin, but that smile on her face has GOT to have a reason.

    • CindynEncinitas

      You can totally tell by the way he strolls across the grass after he's gotten out of Air Force One that he's packing. The rolling hips and the grin. Oh yeah, like a book, that one.

  • Ruhe

    "You can convince wrong people." No, Madame First Lady, you can not. Our only option is to breed more rapidly than they do

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Where does the line form?

    • doloras

      I hate this "left-wing eugenics" bullshit. Stoopid white-trash crackers give birth to useful, empathic human beings, and vice-versa. How many of us here have wingnuts and teatards for parents?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        It IS bullshit. Thanks for calling it out. My mother thought Hitler was a GREAT MAN because he made the trains run on time. When we pointed out that most of those trains were carrying people to be tortured and slaughtered, she dismissed that as irrelevant.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    "I wasn't going to buy a busty, red-headed replicant for my 8-yr old grandson, but he really wanted it," said some old dumb shit.

  • magic_titty

    Huey from The Boondocks got to meet The Queen?!? Jealous!

  • DaRooster

    Convincing people to talk… to their families… about things that matter?

    Pure evil!

  • AddHomonym

    BALLS!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I'm still waiting on someone to call her a 'negress'. My money's on RushBo….

    • Jus_Wonderin

      This might be obscure but I have always loved Lt. Uhura's response to that term. Quite persuasive for an AA actress on early 60's television.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        You're going to have to post a link J_W.

      • Terry

        But why should I object to that term, sir? You see, in our century we've learned not to fear words.

        • Texan_Bulldog

          Very nice–unfort. I guess we're still a few centuries away from enlightenment. Crap, we haven't even gotten the jet packs we were promised by now!

          • prommie

            We're way behind on the Jetsons style future we were promised.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I still have the flinstones car, where you put your feet through the hole in the floor and run.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Abraham Lincoln: What a charming Negress. Oh, forgive me, my dear. I know in my time some used that term as a description of property.
      Uhura: But why should I object to that term, sir? In our century, we've learned not to fear words.

      • DaRooster

        Futuristic Mumbo Jumbo indeed…

      • Boojum

        "In our century, we've learned not to fear words, like manic-depressive face fungusoid cracker honky bitch I cut a motha' fucker!"

        Fixed.

    • fuflans

      my money is on 'goddess'.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Meh…"tip of the spear" is a pretty innocuous statement. It's generally a military thing that implies a person or a unit that is at the forefront of an attack.

    • JustPixelz

      Michelle certainly is well armed.

      • Boojum

        Aim those diamond hard spear tips my way, Michelle!

  • Baconzgood

    Who the hell takes voting advice from a 6 year old? Once my son told me he didn't like Obama and I asked why. He told me because Mommy doesn't like him. Then I told him "Mommy voted for Dubya and doesn't have a job right now. Besides it don't matter if you like him or not. YOU DON'T VOTE."

    • Terry

      My niece was the only kid in her 2nd grade to vote for Obama in their mock election (non-Detroit/Ann Arbor Michigan). We were proud of her that she held her ground even when the other kids said things about Obama such as that he wants to kill babies or is a Muslim. When Obama won, we told her to be gracious in victory but I suspect a wee bit of gloating went on there.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        My daughter (9 years old) said her friends parents don't like Obama because he takes their parents' money & gives it to poor people. I told her to tell them that's what Jesus would do, too. I haven't heard anymore talk of politics from them.

        • Chichikovovich

          Did your daughter get told a story about how "The eye of the needle" was actually really totally a gate in Jerusalem that you had to kind of concentrate hard to make it through?

          • Boojum

            Don't make me whip out my Aramaic factoid!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            WHIP it, Boojum. Whip it good!

        • Terry

          Amazing that these good Christians seem to miss rather large and critical sections of the Bible.

          When my niece visited us here in Pinko Commie Maryland (our State motto), she kept asking people "Do you root for Obama?". When they said yes, and the great majority did, she said "Me, too!" and want to talk about him.

          • doloras

            If Jesus of Nazareth were to come back and walk this Earth, his first response to his so-called "biggest fans" would be "who the hell are these old queens in fish hats / big-haired super-rich? These are the kind of people who NAILED ME UP."

    • Limeylizzie

      You, Baconz, are married to a Republican?

      • Baconzgood

        EX married! EX MARRIED! I can not stress the EX part enough.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Needs moar roughage. Are these Justice Scalia's unconstitutional broccoli spears?

  • mrpuma2u

    Shaka Zulu Libel!!!!!

  • Goonemeritus

    “I mean, I can’t tell you in the last election how many grandparents I ran into who said, I wasn’t going to vote for Barack Obama until my grandson talked to me.”

    My oldest son is a straight up proponent of Anarcho-syndicalism he and my Rush Limbaugh listing father never quite found common ground in any of their political conversations.

    • fuflans

      ha. i have that book.

      no i actually have that book.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Michell Obama FirstWhoreSlutPig is Cordially invited to kindly GoFuckHerSkankSlutSelf

    Oh Fox Nation commentators, you so classy.

    • Baconzgood

      Some times I go on to the Fox Nation comments section to see how NOT to look like a douche bag on the interwebz.

    • Chichikovovich

      And those are the ones they don't delete.

  • Baconzgood

    PLEEEEEEEASE VOTE FOR OBAMA. I'LL NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN.

    • JustPixelz

      You had me at PLEEEE.

    • Chichikovovich

      Have you voted for Obama yet?

      Have you voted for Obama yet?

      Have you voted for Obama yet?

      Have you voted for Obama yet?

      Have you voted for Obama yet?

      Have you voted for Obama yet?
      .
      .
      .

      • Advn2rgirl

        How many days 'till November?
        Is that a lot?
        Is it more than to Christmas?
        Is it more than my birthday?

  • Baconzgood

    Hey black dude in the tux. Stop checkin' out Baconz' chick.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Ahahaha. Get in line.

  • el_donaldo

    So Fox now sees Michelle as possessing the tip of the spear? Paging Dr. Freud ….

  • prommie

    Purely unintentional, just like when Coretta King gave W a portrait of MLK, and W said "I can't wait to hang it." That evil fuck.

  • Radio福井県

    Wait, she throws the javelin too? Awesome.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    If I didn't see that photo I would never have believed they would have the Queen for a State Dinner – and then force her to pay the bill for the whole thing.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      But, she did snag a second iPod full of Obama's speeches.

  • widestanceromance

    Whatever kept FOX from doing a drape/carpet smear, I do not know (if I wasn't a-feared of the Hope Camps, I might make that joke, too).

  • Not_So_Much

    Actually seems pretty evolved for that lot. They didn't use the words 'Nubian' or 'Negress' or 'uppity' anywhere.

    • HistoriCat

      Would "Nubian" be acceptable if it was followed by "goddess"?

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    This new outreach is expected to cause donations from Muslim-Americans to explode.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    You can get out there with your parents. You guys can knock on doors.

    Or you can follow Newt's advice and clean the toilets at your school.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Cake or death?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Better to be the tip than the shaft.

    • Advn2rgirl

      Hush yo' mouth!

  • Biff

    Sarah Silverman did it first!

  • DaRooster

    Listen to our children?

    That would be like listening to my father (the one that sent me the Barry on a food stamp pic)… There is no one under 25 with an IQ over 25… or so it seems in this neck of the woods… so glad I knew everything when I was 21 or so.

  • NippleHair

    Michelle's hair is FIERCE in that picture. RuPaul's Drag Race, here she comes!

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      **Takes a deep breath and types…**

      It's hard to see where her hair ends and the bush begins.

      I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! I had to say it!!

      (Actually, it does look a bit like the fro my mother had in 1970)

  • metamarcisf

    Tarantino made a film about the first lady. It's called "Jackie Brown"

  • Limeylizzie

    Just take a small trip to HuffPo and see Michelle looking so hot.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/01/michelle

    • sullivanst

      I'll be back in a few minutes…

      • Limeylizzie

        Looking like that is the best revenge.

    • MosesInvests

      Hammena-hammena-hammena.

  • Limeylizzie

    OT Dick"Dick" Cheney has left the hospital after stealing a heart.

    • hagajim

      Rotten bastard is never going to die is he Lizzie….too bad for us.

      • Limeylizzie

        I would like him to go on trial , be found guilty, imprisoned, buggered repeatedly and receive substandard healthcare.

        • Boojum

          Did you realize receiving substandard health care IN PRISON is deemed cruel and unusual punishment, but in Jesusland it is merely the invisible hand job of the market?

  • prommie

    Bone in the nose reference in 5, 4, 3, . . . .

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Republican women don't do that–ergo all the bathroom stall incidents, prostitution visits and rentboy.com transactions.

    • Terry

      Those thin, tight lips on them just aren't made for b.j.'s.

  • Baconzgood

    *blush*

    I don't kiss and tell.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My grandparents are all dead and even they are going to vote for Obama!

  • DahBoner

    I'll bet that old White woman is writing him a check for $2 for carrying in her bags…

  • Baconzgood

    She was a swimmer in college…..'nough said about her body and flexieness.

    Broke my heart though.

    • Limeylizzie

      Luckily, all the women of Wonkette love you.

      • Baconzgood

        I have no regrets. I got 2 nice boys, learned alot about custody and divorce law, and I met Limeylizzie.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    If she actually had a Fro like the picture suggests, I'd be pitching a cop series for her to HBO.

  • Joey_Blau

    Just LOOK at her hair in that photo! She has like a 2-foot Afro!

    she is really returning to her roots. I bet there is a comb in that thang.

  • oldedinvn

    Note to ms. O. I would rather be a spear chucker than an asshole.
    2nd note. Damn. I wisheded I kuld look as a man as you do a lady.

  • ElPinche

    To conservatives there is absolutely nothing worse than a strong black woman. I don't get angry when the bottom-feeders call her "moochelle," I get giddy because it's only going to get worse for them. Embrace that "white pride" while you can, you racist mouthbreathing inbred crackaz.

  • Wonderthing

    Fear makes people stupid. Stupid people anyway. I mean people who are afraid of spears.

    • Boojum

      Stupid makes them afraid. It is like one of those cycle thingies, the self perspirating kind.

  • owhatever

    Gramma, it would be so like totally awesome :) ya' know, if when it's time for that election thing to, like, come, if Mrs. Obama could come over and bake us a chocolate broccoli cake and give you a thousand dollars and, like, fill in your vote thing for you, so all you have to do is sign your name, and I can do that, like OK? And I need some new jeans, too, please, you're the Greatest Oldz I know? Better than that bitch Brianna's gramma, Way.

  • ttommyunger

    You do realize only idiots pay any attention to "Fox Nation", right?

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Idiots and the happy mutants who ridicule them and pelt them with snark.

      • ttommyunger

        Leaves me out, never watched it…..never will. Have a nice day.;)

  • HistoriCat

    If she blew him every morning before breakfast, he would probably still be married to her.

    • Limeylizzie

      But she would still be a Republican.

      • HistoriCat

        True – but it's amazing how stupid men become with regular blowjobs.

        • Limeylizzie

          That's one of the things I like about them!

  • eaglewon

    that fro is really happening, girl.

  • DetectiveGrey

    I find it soothing to go to the Fox Nation forums and calmly correct their grammar in their rants.

  • PhillipMarlowe6

    Well, I'm sure that on Sunday or Monday, Fox will make a reference to bunnies and the jungle.

  • garryboldwater

    My dad used to call me and my cousins "yard apes" when we were kids. Ah, the days of growing up in rural South Carolina.

  • CindynEncinitas

    B1 Bob and his grotto! Heartz, you crazy bastard!