TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL  10:23 am April 3, 2012

Fox Nation Calls Michelle Obama Spearchucker

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We see what you did there.Dude, total good one, Fox Nation:

Michelle Obama, who has quickly become the Obama campaign’s tip of the spear when it comes to fundraising and vote-getting, is now stumping for children to convince their “great-grandparents” to vote for her husband.

We see what you did there!

Congratulations, you have just made us miss Orange County hilarious person “B-1″ Bob Dornan like the dickens! We must get “lesbian spearchucker” back into the lexicon but pronto!

Anyway, the rest of the three paragraph story “Michelle Obama Tells Kids Their Parents Are ‘Wrong’” is about Michelle Obama saying something, something, dunno, something terrible we guess. Here, here are the other two paragraphs, so you don’t have to click through.

I mean, I can’t tell you in the last election how many grandparents I ran into who said, I wasn’t going to vote for Barack Obama until my grandson talked to me, until my great-grandson talked to me, and talked about the future he wanted for this country.

You can get out there with your parents. You guys can knock on doors. I had one young lady who brought me a petition — she’s already working. You can convince wrong people. Sometimes we don’t listen to ourselves, but we will listen to our children.

BURN HER.

 
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{ 126 comments }

slowhansolo April 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

I've got a tip for Michelle.

JustPixelz April 3, 2012 at 10:49 am

FYI: Her husband has nuclear weapons.

nonbeliever7 April 3, 2012 at 10:54 am

He'd be much more subtle. He'd use those drones that can fly up your colon and make you die from internal bleeding. It's got to be true, I read it on the web.

HistoriCat April 3, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Just the tip?

slowhansolo April 3, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Of course! "Buy low, sell high."

Ya pack of preverts!

FROTHY April 3, 2012 at 8:44 pm

You've been here HOW LONG, and you did not know this? Dirty, filthy preverts, the whole lotta us.

prommie April 3, 2012 at 10:27 am

So she is the 4077th's ringer?

mrpuma2u April 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

Thank you for the Robert Altman's M.A.S.H. reference. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye.

prommie April 3, 2012 at 10:52 am

Bring me the haughty bitch with fire in her eyes.

WiscDad April 3, 2012 at 10:27 am

Wow…that photo makes her look like she just stepped out of 'Get Christie Love'.

LesBontemps April 3, 2012 at 10:34 am

"Christie Love" is what you get when you deliver a crate of Krispy Kremes to the Governor of New Jersey.

donner_froh April 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

Fox Nation needs a tip of the spear right through their white sheets and hoods.

oldedinvn April 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

More than likely, them there sheets ain't not too white.
Think nocturnal stains or the word I can't not spil.

Jus_Wonderin April 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

Everything that woman does is wrong!

Terry April 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

Funny, that

deleted5554996 April 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

She should suggest that we "unzip the real Barack."

Beetagger April 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

'Scuse me while I whip this out.'

CivicHoliday April 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

Oh it's twue it's twue!

SorosBot April 3, 2012 at 10:49 am

Obasm!

sullivanst April 3, 2012 at 11:05 am

I doubt many Wonketteers would need to be told…

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

Then we'd see the real tip of the spear.

BerkeleyBear April 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

And have the smelling salts ready for all the ladies swooning.

starfanglednut April 3, 2012 at 12:45 pm

fap fap fap fap!

DetectiveGrey April 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I guess we hope he stands firm and tall?

FROTHY April 3, 2012 at 8:45 pm

RMONEY ain't too stiff, Ann sez "unzip him and see." Michelle don't say nothin, but that smile on her face has GOT to have a reason.

CindynEncinitas September 24, 2012 at 5:30 pm

You can totally tell by the way he strolls across the grass after he's gotten out of Air Force One that he's packing. The rolling hips and the grin. Oh yeah, like a book, that one.

Ruhe April 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

"You can convince wrong people." No, Madame First Lady, you can not. Our only option is to breed more rapidly than they do

Jus_Wonderin April 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

Where does the line form?

doloras April 3, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I hate this "left-wing eugenics" bullshit. Stoopid white-trash crackers give birth to useful, empathic human beings, and vice-versa. How many of us here have wingnuts and teatards for parents?

FROTHY April 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

It IS bullshit. Thanks for calling it out. My mother thought Hitler was a GREAT MAN because he made the trains run on time. When we pointed out that most of those trains were carrying people to be tortured and slaughtered, she dismissed that as irrelevant.

Gratuitous World April 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

"I wasn't going to buy a busty, red-headed replicant for my 8-yr old grandson, but he really wanted it," said some old dumb shit.

magic_titty April 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

Huey from The Boondocks got to meet The Queen?!? Jealous!

DaRooster April 3, 2012 at 10:31 am

Convincing people to talk… to their families… about things that matter?

Pure evil!

AddHomonym April 3, 2012 at 10:31 am

BALLS!

Texan_Bulldog April 3, 2012 at 10:32 am

I'm still waiting on someone to call her a 'negress'. My money's on RushBo….

Jus_Wonderin April 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

This might be obscure but I have always loved Lt. Uhura's response to that term. Quite persuasive for an AA actress on early 60's television.

Texan_Bulldog April 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

You're going to have to post a link J_W.

Terry April 3, 2012 at 10:43 am

But why should I object to that term, sir? You see, in our century we've learned not to fear words.

Texan_Bulldog April 3, 2012 at 10:48 am

Very nice–unfort. I guess we're still a few centuries away from enlightenment. Crap, we haven't even gotten the jet packs we were promised by now!

prommie April 3, 2012 at 10:55 am

We're way behind on the Jetsons style future we were promised.

Jus_Wonderin April 3, 2012 at 10:42 am

Abraham Lincoln: What a charming Negress. Oh, forgive me, my dear. I know in my time some used that term as a description of property.
Uhura: But why should I object to that term, sir? In our century, we've learned not to fear words.

DaRooster April 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

Futuristic Mumbo Jumbo indeed…

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 11:31 am

"In our century, we've learned not to fear words, like manic-depressive face fungusoid cracker honky bitch I cut a motha' fucker!"

Fixed.

fuflans April 3, 2012 at 10:16 pm

my money is on 'goddess'.

Dashboard Buddha April 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

Meh…"tip of the spear" is a pretty innocuous statement. It's generally a military thing that implies a person or a unit that is at the forefront of an attack.

JustPixelz April 3, 2012 at 10:54 am

Michelle certainly is well armed.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 11:32 am

Aim those diamond hard spear tips my way, Michelle!

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 10:34 am

Who the hell takes voting advice from a 6 year old? Once my son told me he didn't like Obama and I asked why. He told me because Mommy doesn't like him. Then I told him "Mommy voted for Dubya and doesn't have a job right now. Besides it don't matter if you like him or not. YOU DON'T VOTE."

Terry April 3, 2012 at 10:48 am

My niece was the only kid in her 2nd grade to vote for Obama in their mock election (non-Detroit/Ann Arbor Michigan). We were proud of her that she held her ground even when the other kids said things about Obama such as that he wants to kill babies or is a Muslim. When Obama won, we told her to be gracious in victory but I suspect a wee bit of gloating went on there.

Texan_Bulldog April 3, 2012 at 11:01 am

My daughter (9 years old) said her friends parents don't like Obama because he takes their parents' money & gives it to poor people. I told her to tell them that's what Jesus would do, too. I haven't heard anymore talk of politics from them.

Chichikovovich April 3, 2012 at 11:22 am

Did your daughter get told a story about how "The eye of the needle" was actually really totally a gate in Jerusalem that you had to kind of concentrate hard to make it through?

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 11:34 am

Don't make me whip out my Aramaic factoid!

Terry April 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

Amazing that these good Christians seem to miss rather large and critical sections of the Bible.

When my niece visited us here in Pinko Commie Maryland (our State motto), she kept asking people "Do you root for Obama?". When they said yes, and the great majority did, she said "Me, too!" and want to talk about him.

doloras April 3, 2012 at 7:45 pm

If Jesus of Nazareth were to come back and walk this Earth, his first response to his so-called "biggest fans" would be "who the hell are these old queens in fish hats / big-haired super-rich? These are the kind of people who NAILED ME UP."

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 10:52 am

You, Baconz, are married to a Republican?

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 10:56 am

EX married! EX MARRIED! I can not stress the EX part enough.

weejee April 3, 2012 at 10:35 am

Needs moar roughage. Are these Justice Scalia's unconstitutional broccoli spears?

mrpuma2u April 3, 2012 at 10:35 am

Shaka Zulu Libel!!!!!

Goonemeritus April 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

“I mean, I can’t tell you in the last election how many grandparents I ran into who said, I wasn’t going to vote for Barack Obama until my grandson talked to me.”

My oldest son is a straight up proponent of Anarcho-syndicalism he and my Rush Limbaugh listing father never quite found common ground in any of their political conversations.

fuflans April 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm

ha. i have that book.

no i actually have that book.

elviouslyqueer April 3, 2012 at 10:36 am

Michell Obama FirstWhoreSlutPig is Cordially invited to kindly GoFuckHerSkankSlutSelf

Oh Fox Nation commentators, you so classy.

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 10:46 am

Some times I go on to the Fox Nation comments section to see how NOT to look like a douche bag on the interwebz.

Chichikovovich April 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

And those are the ones they don't delete.

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 10:38 am

PLEEEEEEEASE VOTE FOR OBAMA. I'LL NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN.

JustPixelz April 3, 2012 at 10:56 am

You had me at PLEEEE.

Chichikovovich April 3, 2012 at 11:16 am

Have you voted for Obama yet?

Have you voted for Obama yet?

Have you voted for Obama yet?

Have you voted for Obama yet?

Have you voted for Obama yet?

Have you voted for Obama yet?
.
.
.

Advn2rgirl April 3, 2012 at 12:05 pm

How many days 'till November?
Is that a lot?
Is it more than to Christmas?
Is it more than my birthday?

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

Hey black dude in the tux. Stop checkin' out Baconz' chick.

FROTHY April 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Ahahaha. Get in line.

el_donaldo April 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

So Fox now sees Michelle as possessing the tip of the spear? Paging Dr. Freud ….

prommie April 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

Purely unintentional, just like when Coretta King gave W a portrait of MLK, and W said "I can't wait to hang it." That evil fuck.

Radio福井県 April 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

Wait, she throws the javelin too? Awesome.

johnnyzhivago April 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

If I didn't see that photo I would never have believed they would have the Queen for a State Dinner – and then force her to pay the bill for the whole thing.

Jus_Wonderin April 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

But, she did snag a second iPod full of Obama's speeches.

widestanceromance April 3, 2012 at 10:41 am

Whatever kept FOX from doing a drape/carpet smear, I do not know (if I wasn't a-feared of the Hope Camps, I might make that joke, too).

Not_So_Much April 3, 2012 at 10:43 am

Actually seems pretty evolved for that lot. They didn't use the words 'Nubian' or 'Negress' or 'uppity' anywhere.

HistoriCat April 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Would "Nubian" be acceptable if it was followed by "goddess"?

Deportably_Jose April 3, 2012 at 10:47 am

This new outreach is expected to cause donations from Muslim-Americans to explode.

donner_froh April 3, 2012 at 10:48 am

You can get out there with your parents. You guys can knock on doors.

Or you can follow Newt's advice and clean the toilets at your school.

starfanglednut April 3, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Cake or death?

ManchuCandidate April 3, 2012 at 10:48 am

Better to be the tip than the shaft.

Advn2rgirl April 3, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Hush yo' mouth!

Biff April 3, 2012 at 10:50 am

Sarah Silverman did it first!

DaRooster April 3, 2012 at 10:50 am

Listen to our children?

That would be like listening to my father (the one that sent me the Barry on a food stamp pic)… There is no one under 25 with an IQ over 25… or so it seems in this neck of the woods… so glad I knew everything when I was 21 or so.

NippleHair April 3, 2012 at 10:50 am

Michelle's hair is FIERCE in that picture. RuPaul's Drag Race, here she comes!

valthemus April 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm

**Takes a deep breath and types…**

It's hard to see where her hair ends and the bush begins.

I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! I had to say it!!

(Actually, it does look a bit like the fro my mother had in 1970)

metamarcisf April 3, 2012 at 10:54 am

Tarantino made a film about the first lady. It's called "Jackie Brown"

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 10:55 am

Just take a small trip to HuffPo and see Michelle looking so hot.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/01/michelle

sullivanst April 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

I'll be back in a few minutes…

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 11:15 am

Looking like that is the best revenge.

MosesInvests April 3, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Hammena-hammena-hammena.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 10:56 am

OT Dick"Dick" Cheney has left the hospital after stealing a heart.

hagajim April 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

Rotten bastard is never going to die is he Lizzie….too bad for us.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 11:49 am

I would like him to go on trial , be found guilty, imprisoned, buggered repeatedly and receive substandard healthcare.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Did you realize receiving substandard health care IN PRISON is deemed cruel and unusual punishment, but in Jesusland it is merely the invisible hand job of the market?

prommie April 3, 2012 at 10:57 am

Bone in the nose reference in 5, 4, 3, . . . .

Texan_Bulldog April 3, 2012 at 11:04 am

Republican women don't do that–ergo all the bathroom stall incidents, prostitution visits and rentboy.com transactions.

Terry April 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

Those thin, tight lips on them just aren't made for b.j.'s.

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 11:06 am

*blush*

I don't kiss and tell.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 3, 2012 at 11:09 am

My grandparents are all dead and even they are going to vote for Obama!

DahBoner April 3, 2012 at 11:51 am

I'll bet that old White woman is writing him a check for $2 for carrying in her bags…

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 11:52 am

She was a swimmer in college…..'nough said about her body and flexieness.

Broke my heart though.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Luckily, all the women of Wonkette love you.

Baconzgood April 3, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I have no regrets. I got 2 nice boys, learned alot about custody and divorce law, and I met Limeylizzie.

mrblifil April 3, 2012 at 11:56 am

If she actually had a Fro like the picture suggests, I'd be pitching a cop series for her to HBO.

Joey_Blau April 3, 2012 at 11:57 am

Just LOOK at her hair in that photo! She has like a 2-foot Afro!

she is really returning to her roots. I bet there is a comb in that thang.

payton April 3, 2012 at 1:02 pm
oldedinvn April 3, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Note to ms. O. I would rather be a spear chucker than an asshole.
2nd note. Damn. I wisheded I kuld look as a man as you do a lady.

ElPinche April 3, 2012 at 12:23 pm

To conservatives there is absolutely nothing worse than a strong black woman. I don't get angry when the bottom-feeders call her "moochelle," I get giddy because it's only going to get worse for them. Embrace that "white pride" while you can, you racist mouthbreathing inbred crackaz.

Wonderthing April 3, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Fear makes people stupid. Stupid people anyway. I mean people who are afraid of spears.

Boojum April 3, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Stupid makes them afraid. It is like one of those cycle thingies, the self perspirating kind.

owhatever April 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Gramma, it would be so like totally awesome :) ya' know, if when it's time for that election thing to, like, come, if Mrs. Obama could come over and bake us a chocolate broccoli cake and give you a thousand dollars and, like, fill in your vote thing for you, so all you have to do is sign your name, and I can do that, like OK? And I need some new jeans, too, please, you're the Greatest Oldz I know? Better than that bitch Brianna's gramma, Way.

ttommyunger April 3, 2012 at 1:20 pm

You do realize only idiots pay any attention to "Fox Nation", right?

valthemus April 3, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Idiots and the happy mutants who ridicule them and pelt them with snark.

ttommyunger April 3, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Leaves me out, never watched it…..never will. Have a nice day.;)

HistoriCat April 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm

If she blew him every morning before breakfast, he would probably still be married to her.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

But she would still be a Republican.

HistoriCat April 3, 2012 at 1:47 pm

True – but it's amazing how stupid men become with regular blowjobs.

Limeylizzie April 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm

That's one of the things I like about them!

eaglewon April 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm

that fro is really happening, girl.

DetectiveGrey April 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I find it soothing to go to the Fox Nation forums and calmly correct their grammar in their rants.

PhillipMarlowe6 April 3, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Well, I'm sure that on Sunday or Monday, Fox will make a reference to bunnies and the jungle.

garryboldwater August 29, 2012 at 9:48 am

My dad used to call me and my cousins "yard apes" when we were kids. Ah, the days of growing up in rural South Carolina.

CindynEncinitas September 24, 2012 at 5:33 pm

B1 Bob and his grotto! Heartz, you crazy bastard!

starfanglednut April 3, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I still have the flinstones car, where you put your feet through the hole in the floor and run.

FROTHY April 3, 2012 at 8:49 pm

WHIP it, Boojum. Whip it good!

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