Remember like a week ago, when “bad boy” Breitbart reporter Jason Mattera turned out to be “bad” at his job? There he was, just cold grillin’ Bono about being a big huge hypocrite for, we don’t know, probably “taxes and Africa,” and he was all GOTCHA! and Sean Hannity was all yes, please, let’s put that on television, but then it turned out “Bono” was some pudgy schlub who didn’t even have a fake Irish accent. Well, be excited, because Jason Mattera now has an entire book where he can not recognize all the Hollywood celebrities in the whole wide world! (Jason, if you want to ask Michael Jackson about “Africa and taxes,” there are two of him outside Grauman’s right now, with Spider-Man. You are welcome!) Now let us review Ghost of Andrew Breitbart’s book review about this book, Hollywood Hypocrites, because it is even better than the real thing baby!
A Review of “‘HOLLYWOOD HYPOCRITES’ REVIEW: BRUTAL TAKEDOWN OF TINSEL TOWN’S BIGGEST MOUTHS” By Jason Mattera by Kurt Schlichter by Wonkette
This article is full of enjoyable examples of Hollywood celebrities being jerks, like did you know that fat gravel-voiced sexmonster Alec Baldwin is just constantly not moving to Canada, and he yelled at his daughter one time that she was being a selfish little pig? Your Wonkette knew a lot of people who thought that was terrible, but Your Wonkette actually thinks when a child is being a selfish little pig, you should yell that at them, because if you don’t correct children they grow up to be entitled cunts like Tucker Carlson. Also, you should call your children cunts if they are being them. But how is Alec Baldwin hurting America now?
His current gig is as part of Occupy Being the Spokesman for a Giant Multinational Bank.
That was a funny line, so “kadooz” to Kurt Schlichter! Those commercials are terrible!
Director Oliver Stone shows up too, figuratively pleasuring every commie potentate who’ll let him within slobbering distance. Mattera is cruel to Ollie, and delightfully direct when dropping little nukes like “it becomes clear why a communist like Oliver Stone would be rooting for a socialist like Obama.”
That’s not really a nuke, more of a reflexive morning hairball, but congratulations rightwingers for calling Obama a socialist so many times that more Americans now approve of Socialism than Congress. So thank you from Socialists!
Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
As for wizened Cameron Diaz, Mattera dismisses her as “another pot-head who should keep her drug-loving, eco-preaching yap shut.”
I need to party with Mattera.
Yeah, that is a pretty good zing. Hey all you women in your late 30s, shut your fucking pieholes nobody wants to fuck you anymore!
Then there is a bunch of long paragraphs about Spike Lee and Matt Damon, and Matt Damon should not do kill-y action movies if he loves peace, because that is what hypocrisy means, and Spike Lee should not have tweeted that address. (Wonkette agrees: Spike Lee should not have tweeted that address, and Matt Damon should only do sequels to “I’m Fucking Matt Damon.”)
In conclusion, Kurt Schlichter concludes,
Mattera has done a great service with “Hollywood Hypocrites,” leaping fist-first into the Octagon and taking on a keystone component of the liberal establishment in a cage match to the death. I’ll bet on him (and on [Ben] Shapiro with his “Primetime Propaganda”) over the liberals any time.
The fact is, we need guys like Mattera – brutal, no holds barred – and guys like Shapiro – brutal, rigorously legalistic – to take down the slow, weak and morally exhausted liberal behemoth.
Mattera’s weapons are sarcasm and cutting insights, backed by documentation. Hollywood can stand up to a lot, but not to that.
So get the book and, as Lee might have put it over two decades ago at the height of his marginal relevance, Fight the Power!
In conclusion again, Kurt Schlichter does not get to quote Public Enemy, and he should probably stop saying things like “shit” because that is an offensive swear. But watch out Hollywood, you can never withstand being held to account with the facts and opinions and sarcasm of Jason Mattera, the guy who gotchaed Bono (‘s impersonator). [BigHollywood]