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It is official. Warren Buffett, the Sage of Omaha, class warrior, and by all appearances victim of Stage Four of Lesbian Bed Death, will now use his “fuck-you” money to buy a slot and make you listen to him singing whenever and wherever he wants. He has appeared with a ukelele for the Chinese New Year, and in his latest bid for the lights of Broadway, in a newsboy’s cap from the 1930s, when he was 47 years old. See him crackle and warble — charmingly! unbearably! depending upon your affection or lack thereof for the crusty tycoon — a “funny” song about how he now owns a newspaper, the medium of the future (just ask Rupert Murdoch)!

After he finished his delightful (horrible) number, world’s famousest secretary Debbie Bosanek offered a list of things she would buy once she hit the “Mitt Romney” job creator tax bracket of like negative 220 percent. Why does old lesbian Warren Buffett hate America? [, via Romenesko]

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  • nounverb911

    "Why does old lesbian Warren Buffett hate America? "
    Because people still pay less taxes than he does?

  • OzoneTom

    Can I get it on iTunes?

  • nounverb911

    Is that Matt Drudge in the background of the video?

  • MissTaken

    Nothing is certain but lesbian bed death and taxes.

  • edgydrifter

    Clutched in his wizened knuckles is an original copy of the first–and only–funny "Marmaduke" cartoon.

  • MissTaken

    What's a newspaper?

    • A septic system for parakeets.

    • Guppy

      A money hole for cultists and diploma mills.

    • Imagine if the news were actually printed on paper, and then delivered to homes and stores and street corner boxes all over the city!

      Or let's try it a different way. You know those free cartoony folded-paper things they give away to 20-somethings on els, subways and buses? Imagine if they contained news, instead of Kardashians!

    • el_donaldo

      In the case of the New York Times, a life-style pamphlet for the wealthy, essentially.

    • Negropolis

      It's one of those paper-blogs of yore, made with big metal presses and movable type and shit.

  • Joshua Norton

    Head. Hurts.

  • Extemporanus

    "How do I get to Carnegie Hall?"

    Invest, invest, invest.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Or just buy it.

  • How soon before a Vegas cover band picks this up?

  • Anyone who plays with model trains is OK in my book!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      He's pretty adorable, for a billionaire.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, anyone?

      (Hey, it was as close as I could get).

  • It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
    The regular crowd shuffles in
    There's an old man sitting next to me
    Wearing a hat and counting up his billions

    He says, "Son, can you play me some Bieber
    I'm not really sure how it goes
    But it's bad and it's crap and I heard it complete
    When my great grand kids bought some clothes."

    la la la, di da da
    La la, di di da da dum

    Sing us a song, you're the Billionaire
    Sing us a song tonight
    Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
    And you're getting taxed all right

  • An Asexual Ungulate

    There are only two things to do when you get that rich: Cocaine parties, and whatever this is. One flows naturally from the other.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'd really enjoy seeing the clip of Fox's Eric Bolling accusing Buffet of being a "socialist" again.

    No, not really.

  • Buffet owns Weird Harold? Why was this plain violation of the 13th Amendment not covered by the news media?

    And why don't more people pay attention to Anthony Crispino?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Chris Christie thinks a "Warren Buffett" is like a "Golden Corral."

    • MissTaken

      War and Buffet are his two favorite pastimes!

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      It's a smorgasbord for rabbits.

    • SorosBot

      Better than a golden shower.

      • MissTaken

        Is it?

    • I'm gonna go Corral me a Buffet. OM NOM NOM NOM

  • SayItWithWookies

    Geeze — he sings like an accordion that was run over by a car. And yet people pay hundreds of dollars a ticket to hear Barbra Streisand.

  • Who chose the key for that group number?
    WAY too high!!
    (Chet, I know you're with me on this!)

    • And then they go up-key a half step at the end, to really cut off their oxygen.

    • But they lovingly slide into almost every note.

      • Negropolis

        This is where someone offers the obligatory: "Bless their hearts."

    • Biff

      "C" is the People's Key, ftw.

  • Pragmatist2

    When you are the richest person in the world, you are not a "lesbian." You are eccentric.

  • Data Exactly

    A few centimeters into the progression of the video, I had to stop – it doesn't have to be me.

  • Radio福井県

    I smell a Tony.

    • Then I flush Tonys away every morning!

    • Barrelhse

      Which twin?

    • MrFizzy

      Tony Soprano's skivvies

    • flamingpdog

      Jesuz, Slappy Thomas forgot to give Scalia his daily sponge bath again?

  • littlebigdaddy

    I'm getting whatever the opposite of an Obasm is here.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      coitus bufferuptus?

  • Couldn't someone Google the words to, "It Had to Be You"? They have the tubez in Omaha, don't they?

    • Numbat_Dundee

      It had to be you
      Just had to be you
      I've wandered around and finally found
      Someone who
      Could sing just off tune
      Behave like a lune
      And sign me a check
      Without breaking sweat
      For a million or two

  • coolhandnuke

    The patrons laughed so hard at Buffet's routine they nearly had an Omahgasm.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I don't think lesbian means what you think it means.

    • Guppy

      Does it include the vegan porn star or whatever PETA is pushing up top?

  • Beowoof

    With $50 Billion he can do whatever he wants. The very rich and the very poor a lucky in that they can go through life and not give a shit what anyone else thinks. The middle class is always worried about their image.

  • Still better than his cousin Jimmy.

    • littlebigdaddy

      If I ever hear Cheeseburger in Paradise at, say, a ski resort in Colorado, I may have to unleash the secret ninja powers that have heretofore remained secret.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      That's a pretty low bar. And, this is coming from a person who had to play JB on nights just to get paid.

  • SkinnyNerd

    There ain't no singin' worse than rich bastard singin'.

    PS: All those people there, have voices fit for print.

  • elviouslyqueer

    People, people. That *points up to video embed* is not a lesbian. This is a lesbian.

    • SexySmurf

      Those jeans are a little too feminine for a lesbian.

    • doloras

      YUMS! I'd bang her.

    • Loaded_Pants

      I remember her. Isn't she a judge on one of those sangin' shows or somethin' now?

    • not that Dewey

      I see you've played knifey-spooney before!

  • Numbat_Dundee

    Guess who also delivered papers in Omaha?

    • James Michael Curley

      Robert Capa?

    • Boojum

      Mormon Jeebus?

    • TheJasonAlexanderFanClub

      Gerald Ford?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Obviously money can't buy you talent.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Grand Buffet redeux

  • James Michael Curley

    The round isn't over until Simon Cowell decides its over.

  • I'm afraid to look at any of these:

  • Finally!
    A good story about Nebraska!

  • JackObin

    He sings bad enough to be on par with Lady Gaga or Madonna. They both may have more money than he does, oddly enough.

  • MissTaken

    *This* is why I refuse to watch The American Idol Voice Factor.

    • SorosBot

      How many more identical karaoke shows can take up our precious network airtime, anyway?

  • Antispandex

    " Bosanek, making her Press Club debut, offered a top 5 list of things she will buy when she gets into a lower tax bracket…"

    A Joke book, a diet plan, contact lenses, her very own penis…

  • johnnymeatworth

    Wow, Cher doesn't look so good here.

  • Callyson

    Jesus, did anyone make it past nine seconds?

    Warren, I'd trust you with my money if I had enough of it to invest in your firm. But have some mercy on the eardrums!

  • Remember, years ago, when we used to laugh at this site?

  • Needs moar Rudy Giuliani in skank hose.

  • SorosBot

    You didn't warn us about the second song, Jim; I didn't think it was possible to make We Are the World even more smug and insufferable, but these guys proved it is.

    • MissTaken

      Stupid work video so I can't watch. But is there some smug white pride/guilt like on Do They Know It's Christmas? That song makes me wretch annually.

      Tonight Thank God It's Them
      Instead of YOU

      • SorosBot

        Oh yes, that one's even worse; it manages to be super insulting to the African people who it's supposed to be helping.

        But this one is a bunch of self-important off-key warbling about how important local newspapers are, and how thankful they are to Buffett for saving their paper's ass. There also appears to be just one non-white person in the whole group, and I think each of us can sing better than much of this group.

        • They intended it to be a parody. This is a Press Club comedy event. There's a guy specifically imitating Springsteen's bit in that song, for example.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Prince has really let himself go…

  • bringmeanaxe

    Debbie Bosanek: "I'm gonna buy an iMac to replace the crappy PCs that Mr. Buffet keeps getting from Bill Gates". lol.

  • MissTaken

    ♪ Let The Ego Soar ♪

  • If you enhance the video the signs of severe head trauma become quite obvious.

  • DCBloom

    Aw, Leave Warren alone. He reminds me of a very richer version of my grandpa. I think he's cute!

  • cheetojeebus

    I'm disappointed, I didn't see one top hat or monocle in the bunch.* Fat cats don't have style like they use to.

    *At least in the ten seconds I could stomach.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    This is good news for ear plug manufacturers.

  • meatpuppet2

    The right wing as for Warren Buffet before they were against him. I wonder why….hmmmm.

  • DaRooster

    I remember my first newspaper bag…

    • flamingpdog
      • James Michael Curley

        Cruel .. so cruel, but funny.

  • Barrelhse

    At least he's changed his tune. He used to lurch into our bar- stinking of urine, vomit, and alcohol- and sing "New York, New York" all night.

    • flamingpdog

      I think you're confusing him with the guy in the previous blog post. Except mebbe he was singing "Scran-ton, Scran-ton" all afternoon.

  • OT: Proprietrix, will there be a Palin Today Show liveblog tomorrow morning? You know that shit's like catnip!

    • FakaktaSouth

      As I was sitting here contemplating the possibility of doing something like this, I started to get that same feeling I wd have as a young person when I was getting talked into going to a fraternity party or terrible bar – like if I agree to do this against my better judgment and show up then you back out or leave with some asshole I will fucking kill you. Like somehow there wd be a way I cd be abandoned alone with watching Sarah Palin. (better it should be a house full of frat boys nowadays)

    • flamingpdog

      I wish they had paired up Katie with Fred instead of Sarah. The conversation would be so much more stimulating and enlightening.

    • C_R_Eature

      You'll have to slag her without me, as I've got important and less Enraging tasks today.

      Feel free to use This , though. As much as you need.

  • rocktonsam

    "they're saying BOOOurns sir."

  • Biff

    OT but remember that Canadian campaign bus we all got a chuckle out of last month? Same politician, Danielle Smith, different problem…

  • Negropolis

    This has a whiff of Caligula, Commodus, gladiators, and acting, if you know what I mean.

    • littlebigdaddy

      And that is a whiff of manly sweat with a slight fecal undertone? I am having an Obamasm or whatever.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Needz more soft-focus porn inserts.

  • Negropolis

    I made it halfway through. Good grief. I've heard cats in heat with better tone quality and harmony.

    • James Michael Curley

      When you have as much money as Warren Buffett, the diatonic scale has 11 notes and is in the key of R.

  • not that Dewey

    Are you trying to find out if I'm a lesbian or a replicant, Ms. Schoenkopf?

    • flamingpdog

      That would be replicunt. Don't forget where you are.

  • Negropolis

    Got the wrong link, there, buddy.

  • littlebigdaddy

    It's funny–this is exactly my latest e-Harmony post. Looking for an old lesbian billionaire, even though I am a total dude. I wonder if Warren is available?

  • extreme_left

    no fucking way am i hitting play

  • littlebigdaddy

    Editrix: I agree that you have upped the voltage (or something) around here, since taking over from the old testament prophet KL, but still I think you need to improve your 24/7 support services for those of us homebound folks who want to comment on the Wonk at any hour our insomnia or medication awakens us. How about finding a good firm in Bangalore that will pretend to be interested in what we have to say at 5 am eastern time? There are a lot of us, and we want to do something before we become soylent green.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I hate cats, but could love them for a billion (really a thousand) bucks.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Gary "Shandling" Johnson is on Colbert tonight.

    • not that Dewey

      Which party's primary was he trying to win, again? Pro-immigration, pro-gay-marriage, pro-public-education, anti-war potsmoker wants to be a republican. Huh.

      • BarackMyWorld


        • not that Dewey

          Well, sure, NOW he is. A year ago he was jockeying to get into republican debates.

          • BarackMyWorld

            I see what you mean.

            To be fair, they only didn't let him in because he didn't do well in the polls they left his name off.

          • not that Dewey

            Selection bias is like the seasons, or the tides.

  • flamingpdog

    I hate cats, but I love pussy.

  • Possibly Related?

    Catholic Church in Ireland investigating gay porn slideshow

    The Roman Catholic Church in Ireland has said it is investigating how a priest offering a presentation to parents on their children’s upcoming confessions instead ended up showing them a computer slideshow of gay porn…

    It's an Easter Miracle.

    • James Michael Curley

      In honor of April 2nd being the traditional 'punch line only' day;

      "Get out! You're on my side."

      • MoeDeLawn

        ..or, "Move over – you're on the wrong sodomy?"

  • ElPinche

    Needs moar David Lynch

  • DahBoner

    I want to hear him cover I can't get no Satisfaction

    …that's a-Maurrey!

  • ttommyunger

    And here I thought having Fuck You Money meant NOT having to do degrading humiliating stuff anymore.

  • TheJasonAlexanderFanClub

    Ol' Warren G. Buffet should totally duet with Rick Perry! I hear he does a great "I've Been Working on the Railroad"!

  • Dumbedup

    What the pajama clad drunken slobs ( who I really like) on this comment board fail to realize is that when you are worth 6 billion dollars, you do whatever the fuck you want to do. And people clap.

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