Old Lesbian Billionaire Warren Buffett Now Constantly Singing At People

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It is official. Warren Buffett, the Sage of Omaha, class warrior, and by all appearances victim of Stage Four of Lesbian Bed Death, will now use his “fuck-you” money to buy a slot and make you listen to him singing whenever and wherever he wants. He has appeared with a ukelele for the Chinese New Year, and in his latest bid for the lights of Broadway, in a newsboy’s cap from the 1930s, when he was 47 years old. See him crackle and warble — charmingly! unbearably! depending upon your affection or lack thereof for the crusty tycoon — a “funny” song about how he now owns a newspaper, the medium of the future (just ask Rupert Murdoch)!

After he finished his delightful (horrible) number, world’s famousest secretary Debbie Bosanek offered a list of things she would buy once she hit the “Mitt Romney” job creator tax bracket of like negative 220 percent. Why does old lesbian Warren Buffett hate America? [Omaha.com, via Romenesko]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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142 comments

  1. nounverb911

    "Why does old lesbian Warren Buffett hate America? "
    Because people still pay less taxes than he does?

      1. MissTaken

        I got arrested for texting while driving today. The newly-sanctioned mandatory strip search killed my desire for a little Afternoon Obasm-Delight.

          1. Designer_Rants

            Sorry, just had a way-too-long convo on FB about this w/ a conservative friend. He's the one who was all about limiting government power to protect our civil liberties last week (cuz Obummercare will kill freedom), but today he's totally worried random butt secrets will cause prison riots (Think of the PRISON RIOTS!!!1! –have you no sense of decency, sir!).

            I asked him what all a person could fit into their rectum which would cause prison riots. He said burner phones and drugs. I sez there's a lot of that in prisons already, and it didn't all get there because of randos scooped up on computer-error traffic stops.

            Oh well. #PoliceStateUSA! Have fun with it!

  2. edgydrifter

    Clutched in his wizened knuckles is an original copy of the first–and only–funny "Marmaduke" cartoon.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Imagine if the news were actually printed on paper, and then delivered to homes and stores and street corner boxes all over the city!

      Or let's try it a different way. You know those free cartoony folded-paper things they give away to 20-somethings on els, subways and buses? Imagine if they contained news, instead of Kardashians!

    2. el_donaldo

      In the case of the New York Times, a life-style pamphlet for the wealthy, essentially.

    3. Negropolis

      It's one of those paper-blogs of yore, made with big metal presses and movable type and shit.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
    The regular crowd shuffles in
    There's an old man sitting next to me
    Wearing a hat and counting up his billions

    He says, "Son, can you play me some Bieber
    I'm not really sure how it goes
    But it's bad and it's crap and I heard it complete
    When my great grand kids bought some clothes."

    la la la, di da da
    La la, di di da da dum

    Sing us a song, you're the Billionaire
    Sing us a song tonight
    Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
    And you're getting taxed all right

  4. An Asexual Ungulate

    There are only two things to do when you get that rich: Cocaine parties, and whatever this is. One flows naturally from the other.

  5. BarackMyWorld

    I'd really enjoy seeing the clip of Fox's Eric Bolling accusing Buffet of being a "socialist" again.

    No, not really.

  6. FlownOver

    Buffet owns Weird Harold? Why was this plain violation of the 13th Amendment not covered by the news media?

    And why don't more people pay attention to Anthony Crispino?

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Geeze — he sings like an accordion that was run over by a car. And yet people pay hundreds of dollars a ticket to hear Barbra Streisand.

  8. Pragmatist2

    When you are the richest person in the world, you are not a "lesbian." You are eccentric.

  9. Data Exactly

    A few centimeters into the progression of the video, I had to stop – it doesn't have to be me.

    1. Numbat_Dundee

      It had to be you
      Just had to be you
      I've wandered around and finally found
      Someone who
      Could sing just off tune
      Behave like a lune
      And sign me a check
      Without breaking sweat
      For a million or two

  10. Beowoof

    With $50 Billion he can do whatever he wants. The very rich and the very poor a lucky in that they can go through life and not give a shit what anyone else thinks. The middle class is always worried about their image.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      If I ever hear Cheeseburger in Paradise at, say, a ski resort in Colorado, I may have to unleash the secret ninja powers that have heretofore remained secret.

    2. Dashboard Buddha

      That's a pretty low bar. And, this is coming from a person who had to play JB on nights just to get paid.

  11. SkinnyNerd

    There ain't no singin' worse than rich bastard singin'.

    PS: All those people there, have voices fit for print.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      I remember her. Isn't she a judge on one of those sangin' shows or somethin' now?

  12. JackObin

    He sings bad enough to be on par with Lady Gaga or Madonna. They both may have more money than he does, oddly enough.

    1. SorosBot

      How many more identical karaoke shows can take up our precious network airtime, anyway?

  13. Antispandex

    " Bosanek, making her Press Club debut, offered a top 5 list of things she will buy when she gets into a lower tax bracket…"

    A Joke book, a diet plan, contact lenses, her very own penis…

  14. Callyson

    Jesus, did anyone make it past nine seconds?

    Warren, I'd trust you with my money if I had enough of it to invest in your firm. But have some mercy on the eardrums!

  15. SorosBot

    You didn't warn us about the second song, Jim; I didn't think it was possible to make We Are the World even more smug and insufferable, but these guys proved it is.

    1. MissTaken

      Stupid work video so I can't watch. But is there some smug white pride/guilt like on Do They Know It's Christmas? That song makes me wretch annually.

      Tonight Thank God It's Them
      Instead of YOU

      1. SorosBot

        Oh yes, that one's even worse; it manages to be super insulting to the African people who it's supposed to be helping.

        But this one is a bunch of self-important off-key warbling about how important local newspapers are, and how thankful they are to Buffett for saving their paper's ass. There also appears to be just one non-white person in the whole group, and I think each of us can sing better than much of this group.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          They intended it to be a parody. This is a Press Club comedy event. There's a guy specifically imitating Springsteen's bit in that song, for example.

  16. bringmeanaxe

    Debbie Bosanek: "I'm gonna buy an iMac to replace the crappy PCs that Mr. Buffet keeps getting from Bill Gates". lol.

  17. DCBloom

    Aw, Leave Warren alone. He reminds me of a very richer version of my grandpa. I think he's cute!

  18. cheetojeebus

    I'm disappointed, I didn't see one top hat or monocle in the bunch.* Fat cats don't have style like they use to.

    *At least in the ten seconds I could stomach.

  19. meatpuppet2

    The right wing as for Warren Buffet before they were against him. I wonder why….hmmmm.

  20. Barrelhse

    At least he's changed his tune. He used to lurch into our bar- stinking of urine, vomit, and alcohol- and sing "New York, New York" all night.

    1. flamingpdog

      I think you're confusing him with the guy in the previous blog post. Except mebbe he was singing "Scran-ton, Scran-ton" all afternoon.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      As I was sitting here contemplating the possibility of doing something like this, I started to get that same feeling I wd have as a young person when I was getting talked into going to a fraternity party or terrible bar – like if I agree to do this against my better judgment and show up then you back out or leave with some asshole I will fucking kill you. Like somehow there wd be a way I cd be abandoned alone with watching Sarah Palin. (better it should be a house full of frat boys nowadays)

    2. flamingpdog

      I wish they had paired up Katie with Fred instead of Sarah. The conversation would be so much more stimulating and enlightening.

    3. C_R_Eature

      You'll have to slag her without me, as I've got important and less Enraging tasks today.

      Feel free to use This , though. As much as you need.

  21. Negropolis

    This has a whiff of Caligula, Commodus, gladiators, and acting, if you know what I mean.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      And that is a whiff of manly sweat with a slight fecal undertone? I am having an Obamasm or whatever.

  22. Negropolis

    I made it halfway through. Good grief. I've heard cats in heat with better tone quality and harmony.

    1. James Michael Curley

      When you have as much money as Warren Buffett, the diatonic scale has 11 notes and is in the key of R.

  23. littlebigdaddy

    It's funny–this is exactly my latest e-Harmony post. Looking for an old lesbian billionaire, even though I am a total dude. I wonder if Warren is available?

  24. littlebigdaddy

    Editrix: I agree that you have upped the voltage (or something) around here, since taking over from the old testament prophet KL, but still I think you need to improve your 24/7 support services for those of us homebound folks who want to comment on the Wonk at any hour our insomnia or medication awakens us. How about finding a good firm in Bangalore that will pretend to be interested in what we have to say at 5 am eastern time? There are a lot of us, and we want to do something before we become soylent green.

    1. not that Dewey

      Which party's primary was he trying to win, again? Pro-immigration, pro-gay-marriage, pro-public-education, anti-war potsmoker wants to be a republican. Huh.

        1. not that Dewey

          Well, sure, NOW he is. A year ago he was jockeying to get into republican debates.

          1. BarackMyWorld

            I see what you mean.

            To be fair, they only didn't let him in because he didn't do well in the polls they left his name off.

    1. James Michael Curley

      In honor of April 2nd being the traditional 'punch line only' day;

      "Get out! You're on my side."

  25. ttommyunger

    And here I thought having Fuck You Money meant NOT having to do degrading humiliating stuff anymore.

  26. TheJasonAlexanderFanClub

    Ol' Warren G. Buffet should totally duet with Rick Perry! I hear he does a great "I've Been Working on the Railroad"!

  27. Dumbedup

    What the pajama clad drunken slobs ( who I really like) on this comment board fail to realize is that when you are worth 6 billion dollars, you do whatever the fuck you want to do. And people clap.

Comments are closed.