ON BROADWAYYYYY  5:28 pm April 2, 2012

Old Lesbian Billionaire Warren Buffett Now Constantly Singing At People

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Newsies

It is official. Warren Buffett, the Sage of Omaha, class warrior, and by all appearances victim of Stage Four of Lesbian Bed Death, will now use his “fuck-you” money to buy a slot and make you listen to him singing whenever and wherever he wants. He has appeared with a ukelele for the Chinese New Year, and in his latest bid for the lights of Broadway, in a newsboy’s cap from the 1930s, when he was 47 years old. See him crackle and warble — charmingly! unbearably! depending upon your affection or lack thereof for the crusty tycoon — a “funny” song about how he now owns a newspaper, the medium of the future (just ask Rupert Murdoch)!

After he finished his delightful (horrible) number, world’s famousest secretary Debbie Bosanek offered a list of things she would buy once she hit the “Mitt Romney” job creator tax bracket of like negative 220 percent. Why does old lesbian Warren Buffett hate America? [Omaha.com, via Romenesko]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 142 comments }

nounverb911 April 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

"Why does old lesbian Warren Buffett hate America? "
Because people still pay less taxes than he does?

OzoneTom April 2, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Can I get it on iTunes?

nounverb911 April 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Is that Matt Drudge in the background of the video?

MissTaken April 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Nothing is certain but lesbian bed death and taxes.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 2, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Lesbian bed death is tax deductible. It's true, look it up!

Extemporanus April 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm

♪♫ Wastin' away again in Obamaville… ♪♫

Generation[redacted] April 2, 2012 at 6:53 pm

No more Obasms?

MissTaken April 2, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I got arrested for texting while driving today. The newly-sanctioned mandatory strip search killed my desire for a little Afternoon Obasm-Delight.

Designer_Rants April 2, 2012 at 11:45 pm

And what sort of prison riot-inducing contraband did they find in your rectum?

flamingpdog April 2, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I doubt it was her rectum they were checking.

edgydrifter April 2, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Clutched in his wizened knuckles is an original copy of the first–and only–funny "Marmaduke" cartoon.

MissTaken April 2, 2012 at 5:35 pm

What's a newspaper?

weej_FukuiKatie April 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm

A septic system for parakeets.

Guppy April 2, 2012 at 6:19 pm

A money hole for cultists and diploma mills.

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Imagine if the news were actually printed on paper, and then delivered to homes and stores and street corner boxes all over the city!

Or let's try it a different way. You know those free cartoony folded-paper things they give away to 20-somethings on els, subways and buses? Imagine if they contained news, instead of Kardashians!

el_donaldo April 2, 2012 at 7:05 pm

In the case of the New York Times, a life-style pamphlet for the wealthy, essentially.

Negropolis April 2, 2012 at 10:47 pm

It's one of those paper-blogs of yore, made with big metal presses and movable type and shit.

Joshua Norton April 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Head. Hurts.

Extemporanus April 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm

"How do I get to Carnegie Hall?"

Invest, invest, invest.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 2, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Or just buy it.

weej_FukuiKatie April 2, 2012 at 5:38 pm

How soon before a Vegas cover band picks this up?

johnnyzhivago April 2, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Anyone who plays with model trains is OK in my book!

Lascauxcaveman April 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm

He's pretty adorable, for a billionaire.

weej_FukuiKatie April 2, 2012 at 6:13 pm

But he doesn't have Duffy's tonsils.

SayItWithWookies April 2, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Oh, anyone?

(Hey, it was as close as I could get).

ManchuCandidate April 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Wearing a hat and counting up his billions

He says, "Son, can you play me some Bieber
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's bad and it's crap and I heard it complete
When my great grand kids bought some clothes."

la la la, di da da
La la, di di da da dum

Sing us a song, you're the Billionaire
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you're getting taxed all right

An Asexual Ungulate April 2, 2012 at 5:39 pm

There are only two things to do when you get that rich: Cocaine parties, and whatever this is. One flows naturally from the other.

BarackMyWorld April 2, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I'd really enjoy seeing the clip of Fox's Eric Bolling accusing Buffet of being a "socialist" again.

No, not really.

FlownOver April 2, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Buffet owns Weird Harold? Why was this plain violation of the 13th Amendment not covered by the news media?

And why don't more people pay attention to Anthony Crispino?

EatsBabyDingos April 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Chris Christie thinks a "Warren Buffett" is like a "Golden Corral."

MissTaken April 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm

War and Buffet are his two favorite pastimes!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 2, 2012 at 6:10 pm

It's a smorgasbord for rabbits.

SorosBot April 2, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Better than a golden shower.

MissTaken April 2, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Is it?

Designer_Rants April 2, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I'm gonna go Corral me a Buffet. OM NOM NOM NOM

SayItWithWookies April 2, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Geeze — he sings like an accordion that was run over by a car. And yet people pay hundreds of dollars a ticket to hear Barbra Streisand.

DemmeFatale April 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Who chose the key for that group number?
WAY too high!!
(Chet, I know you're with me on this!)

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 6:01 pm

And then they go up-key a half step at the end, to really cut off their oxygen.

weej_FukuiKatie April 2, 2012 at 6:08 pm

But they lovingly slide into almost every note.

Negropolis April 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm

This is where someone offers the obligatory: "Bless their hearts."

Biff April 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm

"C" is the People's Key, ftw.

Pragmatist2 April 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm

When you are the richest person in the world, you are not a "lesbian." You are eccentric.

Data Exactly April 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm

A few centimeters into the progression of the video, I had to stop – it doesn't have to be me.

Radio福井県 April 2, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I smell a Tony.

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Then I flush Tonys away every morning!

Barrelhse April 2, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Which twin?

MrFizzy April 2, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Tony Soprano's skivvies

flamingpdog April 2, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Jesuz, Slappy Thomas forgot to give Scalia his daily sponge bath again?

littlebigdaddy April 2, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I'm getting whatever the opposite of an Obasm is here.

Blueb4sunrise April 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

coitus bufferuptus?

Maman April 2, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Couldn't someone Google the words to, "It Had to Be You"? They have the tubez in Omaha, don't they?

Numbat_Dundee April 2, 2012 at 5:58 pm

It had to be you
Just had to be you
I've wandered around and finally found
Someone who
Could sing just off tune
Behave like a lune
And sign me a check
Without breaking sweat
For a million or two

coolhandnuke April 2, 2012 at 5:50 pm

The patrons laughed so hard at Buffet's routine they nearly had an Omahgasm.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I don't think lesbian means what you think it means.

Guppy April 2, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Does it include the vegan porn star or whatever PETA is pushing up top?

Beowoof April 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm

With $50 Billion he can do whatever he wants. The very rich and the very poor a lucky in that they can go through life and not give a shit what anyone else thinks. The middle class is always worried about their image.

Chill-A-Sketch April 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Still better than his cousin Jimmy.

littlebigdaddy April 2, 2012 at 11:33 pm

If I ever hear Cheeseburger in Paradise at, say, a ski resort in Colorado, I may have to unleash the secret ninja powers that have heretofore remained secret.

Dashboard Buddha April 2, 2012 at 11:41 pm

That's a pretty low bar. And, this is coming from a person who had to play JB on nights just to get paid.

SkinnyNerd April 2, 2012 at 5:58 pm

There ain't no singin' worse than rich bastard singin'.

PS: All those people there, have voices fit for print.

elviouslyqueer April 2, 2012 at 5:58 pm

People, people. That *points up to video embed* is not a lesbian. This is a lesbian.

SexySmurf April 2, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Those jeans are a little too feminine for a lesbian.

doloras April 2, 2012 at 6:18 pm

YUMS! I'd bang her.

Loaded_Pants April 2, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I remember her. Isn't she a judge on one of those sangin' shows or somethin' now?

not that Dewey April 2, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I see you've played knifey-spooney before!

Numbat_Dundee April 2, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Guess who also delivered papers in Omaha?

James Michael Curley April 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Robert Capa?

Boojum April 2, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Mormon Jeebus?

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub April 3, 2012 at 9:24 am

Gerald Ford?

Monsieur_Grumpe April 2, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Obviously money can't buy you talent.

Fox n Fiends April 2, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Grand Buffet redeux

James Michael Curley April 2, 2012 at 6:03 pm

The round isn't over until Simon Cowell decides its over.

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I'm afraid to look at any of these:
http://www.youtube.com/user/LesbianBedDeath/feed

DerrickWildcat April 2, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Finally!
A good story about Nebraska!

JackObin April 2, 2012 at 6:08 pm

He sings bad enough to be on par with Lady Gaga or Madonna. They both may have more money than he does, oddly enough.

MissTaken April 2, 2012 at 6:10 pm

*This* is why I refuse to watch The American Idol Voice Factor.

SorosBot April 2, 2012 at 6:24 pm

How many more identical karaoke shows can take up our precious network airtime, anyway?

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm

The Singing Survivors!®

Antispandex April 2, 2012 at 6:11 pm

" Bosanek, making her Press Club debut, offered a top 5 list of things she will buy when she gets into a lower tax bracket…"

A Joke book, a diet plan, contact lenses, her very own penis…

johnnymeatworth April 2, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Wow, Cher doesn't look so good here.

Designer_Rants April 3, 2012 at 12:28 am

♪ If she could turn back ty-ime ♪

Callyson April 2, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Jesus, did anyone make it past nine seconds?

Warren, I'd trust you with my money if I had enough of it to invest in your firm. But have some mercy on the eardrums!

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Remember, years ago, when we used to laugh at this site? http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/

Designer_Rants April 2, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Bruce Jenner and Al Franken! lol.

flamingpdog April 3, 2012 at 12:02 am

Mom???

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Needs moar Rudy Giuliani in skank hose.

SorosBot April 2, 2012 at 6:26 pm

You didn't warn us about the second song, Jim; I didn't think it was possible to make We Are the World even more smug and insufferable, but these guys proved it is.

MissTaken April 2, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Stupid work video so I can't watch. But is there some smug white pride/guilt like on Do They Know It's Christmas? That song makes me wretch annually.

Tonight Thank God It's Them
Instead of YOU

SorosBot April 2, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Oh yes, that one's even worse; it manages to be super insulting to the African people who it's supposed to be helping.

But this one is a bunch of self-important off-key warbling about how important local newspapers are, and how thankful they are to Buffett for saving their paper's ass. There also appears to be just one non-white person in the whole group, and I think each of us can sing better than much of this group.

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 7:20 pm

They intended it to be a parody. This is a Press Club comedy event. There's a guy specifically imitating Springsteen's bit in that song, for example.

OC_Surf_Serf April 2, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Prince has really let himself go…

Designer_Rants April 2, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Needz moar assless pants.

bringmeanaxe April 2, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Debbie Bosanek: "I'm gonna buy an iMac to replace the crappy PCs that Mr. Buffet keeps getting from Bill Gates". lol.

MissTaken April 2, 2012 at 6:49 pm

♪ Let The Ego Soar ♪

mrblifil April 2, 2012 at 6:59 pm

If you enhance the video the signs of severe head trauma become quite obvious.

DCBloom April 2, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Aw, Leave Warren alone. He reminds me of a very richer version of my grandpa. I think he's cute!

cheetojeebus April 2, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I'm disappointed, I didn't see one top hat or monocle in the bunch.* Fat cats don't have style like they use to.

*At least in the ten seconds I could stomach.

randcoolcatdaddy April 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm

This is good news for ear plug manufacturers.

meatpuppet2 April 2, 2012 at 7:43 pm

The right wing as for Warren Buffet before they were against him. I wonder why….hmmmm.

DaRooster April 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I remember my first newspaper bag…

flamingpdog April 3, 2012 at 12:06 am
James Michael Curley April 3, 2012 at 6:57 am

Cruel .. so cruel, but funny.

Barrelhse April 2, 2012 at 7:55 pm

At least he's changed his tune. He used to lurch into our bar- stinking of urine, vomit, and alcohol- and sing "New York, New York" all night.

flamingpdog April 3, 2012 at 12:08 am

I think you're confusing him with the guy in the previous blog post. Except mebbe he was singing "Scran-ton, Scran-ton" all afternoon.

Chet Kincaid April 2, 2012 at 8:39 pm

OT: Proprietrix, will there be a Palin Today Show liveblog tomorrow morning? You know that shit's like catnip!

FakaktaSouth April 2, 2012 at 10:13 pm

As I was sitting here contemplating the possibility of doing something like this, I started to get that same feeling I wd have as a young person when I was getting talked into going to a fraternity party or terrible bar – like if I agree to do this against my better judgment and show up then you back out or leave with some asshole I will fucking kill you. Like somehow there wd be a way I cd be abandoned alone with watching Sarah Palin. (better it should be a house full of frat boys nowadays)

flamingpdog April 3, 2012 at 12:35 am

I wish they had paired up Katie with Fred instead of Sarah. The conversation would be so much more stimulating and enlightening.

C_R_Eature April 3, 2012 at 7:06 am

You'll have to slag her without me, as I've got important and less Enraging tasks today.

Feel free to use This , though. As much as you need.

rocktonsam April 2, 2012 at 9:17 pm

"they're saying BOOOurns sir."

Biff April 2, 2012 at 9:36 pm

OT but remember that Canadian campaign bus we all got a chuckle out of last month? Same politician, Danielle Smith, different problem…

Negropolis April 2, 2012 at 9:52 pm

This has a whiff of Caligula, Commodus, gladiators, and acting, if you know what I mean.

littlebigdaddy April 3, 2012 at 12:06 am

And that is a whiff of manly sweat with a slight fecal undertone? I am having an Obamasm or whatever.

Angry_Marmot April 3, 2012 at 6:13 am

Needz more soft-focus porn inserts.

Negropolis April 2, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I made it halfway through. Good grief. I've heard cats in heat with better tone quality and harmony.

James Michael Curley April 3, 2012 at 7:06 am

When you have as much money as Warren Buffett, the diatonic scale has 11 notes and is in the key of R.

not that Dewey April 2, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Are you trying to find out if I'm a lesbian or a replicant, Ms. Schoenkopf?

flamingpdog April 3, 2012 at 12:12 am

That would be replicunt. Don't forget where you are.

Negropolis April 2, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Got the wrong link, there, buddy.

Biff April 2, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Damn it, I hate intense debate! http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/canada/doggone-i

Negropolis April 3, 2012 at 7:28 am

Poor thing can't catch a break, can she? lol

littlebigdaddy April 2, 2012 at 11:25 pm

It's funny–this is exactly my latest e-Harmony post. Looking for an old lesbian billionaire, even though I am a total dude. I wonder if Warren is available?

extreme_left April 2, 2012 at 11:30 pm

no fucking way am i hitting play

littlebigdaddy April 2, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Editrix: I agree that you have upped the voltage (or something) around here, since taking over from the old testament prophet KL, but still I think you need to improve your 24/7 support services for those of us homebound folks who want to comment on the Wonk at any hour our insomnia or medication awakens us. How about finding a good firm in Bangalore that will pretend to be interested in what we have to say at 5 am eastern time? There are a lot of us, and we want to do something before we become soylent green.

littlebigdaddy April 2, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I hate cats, but could love them for a billion (really a thousand) bucks.

BarackMyWorld April 2, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Gary "Shandling" Johnson is on Colbert tonight.

not that Dewey April 3, 2012 at 12:31 am

Which party's primary was he trying to win, again? Pro-immigration, pro-gay-marriage, pro-public-education, anti-war potsmoker wants to be a republican. Huh.

BarackMyWorld April 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Libertarian.

not that Dewey April 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Well, sure, NOW he is. A year ago he was jockeying to get into republican debates.

BarackMyWorld April 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I see what you mean.

To be fair, they only didn't let him in because he didn't do well in the polls they left his name off.

flamingpdog April 3, 2012 at 12:13 am

I hate cats, but I love pussy.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 3, 2012 at 1:02 am

Possibly Related?

Catholic Church in Ireland investigating gay porn slideshow

The Roman Catholic Church in Ireland has said it is investigating how a priest offering a presentation to parents on their children’s upcoming confessions instead ended up showing them a computer slideshow of gay porn…

It's an Easter Miracle.
~

James Michael Curley April 3, 2012 at 7:15 am

In honor of April 2nd being the traditional 'punch line only' day;

"Get out! You're on my side."

MoeDeLawn April 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm

..or, "Move over – you're on the wrong sodomy?"

ElPinche April 3, 2012 at 1:04 am

Needs moar David Lynch

Radio福井県 April 3, 2012 at 2:15 am

I was thinking moar Leni Riefenstahl.

Extemporanus April 3, 2012 at 3:33 am
DahBoner April 3, 2012 at 7:09 am

I want to hear him cover I can't get no Satisfaction

…that's a-Maurrey!

ttommyunger April 3, 2012 at 7:38 am

And here I thought having Fuck You Money meant NOT having to do degrading humiliating stuff anymore.

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub April 3, 2012 at 9:32 am

Ol' Warren G. Buffet should totally duet with Rick Perry! I hear he does a great "I've Been Working on the Railroad"!

Dumbedup April 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

What the pajama clad drunken slobs ( who I really like) on this comment board fail to realize is that when you are worth 6 billion dollars, you do whatever the fuck you want to do. And people clap.

Designer_Rants April 2, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Sorry, just had a way-too-long convo on FB about this w/ a conservative friend. He's the one who was all about limiting government power to protect our civil liberties last week (cuz Obummercare will kill freedom), but today he's totally worried random butt secrets will cause prison riots (Think of the PRISON RIOTS!!!1! –have you no sense of decency, sir!).

I asked him what all a person could fit into their rectum which would cause prison riots. He said burner phones and drugs. I sez there's a lot of that in prisons already, and it didn't all get there because of randos scooped up on computer-error traffic stops.

Oh well. #PoliceStateUSA! Have fun with it!

not that Dewey April 3, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Selection bias is like the seasons, or the tides.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: