About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • Barb

    Thank GOD! I was afraid I was going to have to get my breast exam at Hooter's this year.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I bet you could get it done here at Wonkette for half-price.

      • Barb

        Do I have to wait for a referral?

        • OneDollarJuana

          I'll do it for free, and give you some yakisoba, too!

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I'd be happy to refer you, but I'll need to examine them and maybe take some films first.

          • Barb

            Actor, Polaroid films? : )

        • tessiee

          Doorbell: Ding dong.
          Barb: Who is it?
          Land Shark: [mumble]
          Barb: Speak up, I can't hear you.
          Land Shark: Door to door breast exam.

          • Barb

            Land Shark, do you have a candygram?
            I love your comment!

          • flamingpdog

            I have a lindseygram. Will that get me in the front door?

          • HistoriCat

            Isn't a lindseygram more suitable for the back door?

          • tessiee

            Poor Land Shark. He never fools anybody; they always guess it's him because of the background music.

        • Negropolis

          Depends on how many suiters…err…nurses, yes, nurses, are lined up.

      • PuckStopsHere

        Half-price? Hell, we'll just throw it in with your $50 abortion.

    • boobookitteh

      Well, the Supremes just held up invasive strip searches in jails because terrorism, so just get arrested for a minor offense. Or be arrested for no reason at all, it's all good.
      http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/02/1098

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me? Better pull them off now, citizen…"

    • CapnFatback

      No, no, no breasts. Hooters's specialty is wings.

      • bagofmice

        And other phrases I will probably never say.

  • nounverb911

    OBASM?

    "I'll have what he's having."
    –Mitt Romney

  • Giveusabob

    I would have thought the privilege of having an Obasm would be limited exclusively to Michelle, but looks like Daddy's feeling generous today.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Single payer healthcare is not dead!

      • Gleem McShineys

        Single payer layer healthcare is not dead!

  • straighteight

    Obasm – that's what the ladies get when Bammerz sings Al Green…

  • SorosBot

    And I think all Wonkette's lady readers are off to, uh, take a break at that thought.

    • MissTaken

      I'm back, complete with rosy cheeks and a smile on my face.

      • SorosBot

        You've probably got your little scrunchy-nosed satisfied look on your face now too; such is the power of the thought of the Obasm.

        • MissTaken

          Hey now!

          • SorosBot

            Don't worry; you know I'm not jealous. Besides I've been thinking of a Michelle Omasm myself.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          May I recommend a "marital aid":
          http://www.neatoshop.com/product/Obama-Adult-Mask

          • Negropolis

            Is it bad that when I saw "adult mask" that I was almost sure it'd have a whole in the mouth area? lol

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Dude, don't embarass the lady and her O-face

          Unless you post pictures.

    • Callyson

      Yes, that was quite a satisfying lunch…

  • CapnFatback

    "If things go well I might be showing SCOTUS my O-face."

  • Barb

    Throw away those Popsicle sticks and duct tape. Viagra for everyone!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Duct tape is not half as much fun taking off as it is putting on.

      • widestanceromance

        Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

        OW!

        • bagofmice

          I'm guessing you don't shave.

  • fuflans

    and another wonkette trope is born.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      It is so cute, and it has our eyes.

    • flamingpdog

      Trope? Is that Bristol's little boy?

    • Gleem McShineys

      "If you're snarking on Wonkette for pleasure and not for the sole purpose of meme procreation, you are a sinner!"

      -aternate universe Rick Santorum

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Obasms are 100% santorum free.

    • bagofmice

      I know more than a few people that might disagree.

  • fuflans

    is barry taking the same meds as rick perry?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Meanwhile Rombot suddenly got floppier.

    • SayItWithWookies

      And Ron Paul stayed flat.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Back in 2008, my lady had an Obasm too.

    I was in the kitchen making a sammich at the time, the bitch.

  • Baconzgood

    At least someone is…

  • Gopherit

    Free Cialis and contraception? Obasm indeed.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    In related news, Romneycare is still stiff.

  • Lucidamente1

    Upon his re-election, Multiple Obasms?

    • Gleem McShineys

      In reality, turtle-American Mitch McConnell diligently works against multiple orgasms, as well.

  • SteveMcCroskey

    I only hope this Obasm is not premature.

  • Antispandex

    BREAKING

    I remain confident that no matter what happens, it will be Obama's fault!

    Copyright 2112 Antispandex. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

    • dinkybossetti

      You may want to move that copyright back a century, or someone else may copyright it before you!

      • Antispandex

        DAMN IT! Screwed up a perfectly good snark with a typo! Oh well, it will still be valid in the 21's.

  • Geminisunmars

    He had me at O.

  • DaRooster

    Obasm!
    "We now return to our regularly scheduled program already in progress…"

  • IncenseDebate

    Mitt's poll is pointing down, while Obama is up. It's looking like Mitt is going to lose the erection.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I have little doubt Mitt will pull out early and turn on the ballgame.

    • nonbeliever7

      Wasn't one of editrix's rules no making fun of orientals?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wait! What's the big deal about the Ohio Branch of the American Society for Microbiology?

    I mean, I know it's annual meeting is this month, but come on!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Microbiologists are sexy!

      • flamingpdog

        A lot of them have a great pair o' meciums, yeah.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    "Not true," responds Alito.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I hear it clears up the acne too.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "It really works, Jen, but you have to swallow it"

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_FukuiKatie

    Did Barry get a peak at some of the olde SCOTUM's EKGs?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Never combine "Barry", "peak" and what looks at a glance like "olde SCROTUM" in a comment!!

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_FukuiKatie

        And one-handed speelink of peek, not so good….

  • Serolf_Divad

    Once you've had an Obasm a plain old Orgasm will simply not do.

    • Gleem McShineys

      "Once you go barack," as they say.

  • el_donaldo

    I think Rick Perry has been sharing his stash of happy pills.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Is it their state of mind that they are always referred to as "the High Court'?

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    …was Barack singing again? Even though I'm a guy, I felt a little moist after hearin' him sing, so this makes sense.

  • An Asexual Ungulate

    Is… is an Obasm what I think it is?

    • MissTaken

      If you don't know you've never had one.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Oh. Oh. OH. OHHH! OH!!! Oh yes!! Oh yes!! Yes! Yes! Yes!

      • An Asexual Ungulate

        Maybe I need to get an invite to the White House after all…

      • HateMachine

        Oh. Oh. OH. OHHH! OH!!! Oh yes!! That's change I can BELIEVE IIIIIIIIN!!

        Fixed.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It's mythical, in that it's always faked.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Skyrockets in flight! Commander-in-chief delight!

  • LastGasp

    We could re-title Barry's time in the White House as "The Story of O" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073115/

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Michelle's initials aren't "M.O." without cause. Just sayin'.

  • widestanceromance

    Somewhere, Sara Benincasa is opening her reply from Urban Dictionary. . .subject line, "Congratulations."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    A President Christie couldn't achieve re-erection….

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_FukuiKatie

      And how would he know? He hasn't laid eyes on it in years.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        He used to feel it whenever he saw tender delectable babby.

  • MissTaken

    Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

    Dammit, I was just about to look for the Obasm video on RedTube for purely educational purposes.

  • iburl

    Obasm is the code word to start the Reptilian invasion. I, for one, welcome our scaly overlords.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I have my resume ready. I will apply as a slatherer; rubbing fine, scented oils on their poor, parched scales. I will have high position and favor.

  • MissTaken

    The Obasm is so strong it is felt throughout Washington.

    • SorosBot

      Strong enough to even delete comments apparently.

    • prommie

      Might have been Chris Christie falling out of bed, in Jerusalem.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumble_JustSayYesOta

    Not to be outdone, Bo Obama, sensing the big fuss, broke free from his leash in pursuit of the nearest bitch in heat, with whom he started gettin' it on and brought on a… (don't make me say it)…?

    • CivilMcMannerly

      Bo is having sex with dogs? Santorum thinks that behavior is extremely homosexual.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Bobasm, bananafanafofasm, mimymomasm?

    • ThundercatHo

      Bobasm, bobasm, fee fi fofasm, banafana fofasm. . . .

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumble_JustSayYesOta

        Ditto, and ditto to actor212 too. That song began playing in my head right as I typed that.

  • Pithaughn

    Obasm, more of a place than a feeling.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I've been to paradise, but I have never been to…Obasm. (I bet everybody thought I was going to say "me".)

  • prommie

    He is daring them to do it, to take coverage away from a couple of million people. Whats the average margin of victory, the past 4 or 5 presidential elections?

  • DrunkIrishman

    I have obasms all the time. I scream out, "YES, I CAN CUM!"

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumble_JustSayYesOta

    I feel like this post, with its luring headline only to be followed by a one-word news item, was somewhat anti-climactic.

  • Come here a minute

    WASHINGTON — Ejacunewell.

  • Callyson

    If the abortions are $50, how much are the obasms? Can I get a quantity discount?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I don't know if they come in bulk.

  • flamingpdog

    Is an Obasm what you get when you massabate?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      If it's uppity.

    • Negropolis

      That was terrible.

      • flamingpdog

        Thank you, thank you. I'm here every night except Wednesday and Wednesday, two shows, 7 and 11.

  • Extemporanus

    *AP AP AP*

    • Blueb4sunrise

      ++

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      ^fisted

    • bagofmice

      That's hard to beat.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Shawna?

  • widestanceromance

    Is 'Obasm' Kenyan for Obama?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Any reaction to this news from Palin?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      She's bakin' bread in there.

      • flamingpdog

        And Biden's thinking about makin' bacon.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    This had me in spasms.

  • poorgradstudent

    Slightly off-topic, but what is up with even Obama's own supporters calling his plan "Obamacare"? I guess they don't want to call attention to the reform plan's history with the Heritage Foundation and Mitt Romney, but, damn, talk about letting conservatives define the discourse…

    • MosesInvests

      Name's not going away, might as well embrace it. Anyway, they figure why not have people associate the President with-no denials for "pre-existing conditions", no lifetime caps, coverage for young adults. "Obama got you healthcare"-yeah, that's a decent campaign slogan.

    • Negropolis

      That's what happened the minute it hit the court.

      Plus, "Affordable Health Care for America Act" is such a mouthful. But, I otherwise agree. I can't for the life of me figure out why the administration and its supporters haven't put out human interest commercials showing people who this act have helped. For the past two-and-a-half years, all we've heard is the opposition. You'd think that this bill hasn't helped a single soul, and it's helped literally millions of people. How they've handled this has been an abomination.

  • James Michael Curley

    I'm gonna get that on my license plate.

  • hagajim

    Last time I had an Obasm I had a hard time walking until it went away.

  • doloras

    Obasm, Obasm, one two three
    Tie a yellow corpse-tag on the GOP
    Blue states waiting impatiently
    From Alcatraz to Lady Liberty
    ACA and predator drones
    The White House knows how to make us moan

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Obasm? Is that the AP version of DRUDGE SIRENS?

  • real_dc_native

    Strip searches by the police are now considered "health care"?

  • extreme_left

    is this one of those hard to find lady parts things?

  • Negropolis

    Oh, Barry, oh Barry, oh Berry….YES! And "boom" goes the dolomite.

  • DahBoner

    Damn!

    For a minute there, I thought you were going to say Dick Cheney is still dead…

  • ttommyunger

    I know at least five old cunts in black robes who read this headline and burst out laughing.