fun in the sun

Chris Christie Does Jerusalem: Vacation Pix!

I'M PUSHING THIS OVERThe Good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, is in Israel, on his first official overseas trip as head of an American state. (He’s making up for President Obama, who refuses to visit Israel because he Hates Jews.) How many unionized public school teachers will he yell at on YouTube while there? We await the final tally. Until then, let’s check out some photos from his visit to the Western Wall. Here he is, trying to connect with God to make a very important request.

“It is lunchtime, Fancy God Wall. Bring me Taco Bell, please, or a KFC Double Down…”

“Eh, what the hell, this is good enough.”

(Chris Christie is reportedly overweight.)


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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    1. Mahousu

      Yes, they know their market:

      "EL AL is proud to present a fleet of 11 wide-body aircraft of a unified high standard offering an upgraded flight experience. First Class features exclusive bed-seats, produced by the French SICMA company. The wide state-of-the-art seats afford a flight experience that assures comfortable sleep during the flight. … The seat is equipped with an especially large personal screen …"

      He still had to buy two of them, though.

      1. Data Exactly

        Yes, and Jealous employs the Moses' sons' treatment when it comes time to sleep and dress. You know, walking backwards with the blanket/moo-moo between them both making extra sure not to look at him.

        1. heathenette

          I’m a heathen, so I could be wrong-but I think the son’s walking backwards thing was drunk Noah. But I haven’t read any of that stuff for a LONG time…AND I’m a heathen.(ette)

    2. Dashboard_Jesus

      sweet holy jeebus Christie is the most obese human I've ever seen (outside of Wal-Mart) how is it this guy does not begin every day with a massive heart attack? srsly how could anyone vote for such a grotesquely fat man, for any office, knowing that to become THAT large he must have no self-control or respect for his own physical health whatsoever (of course we know his mental health has already been 'compromised')

          1. Extemporanus

            Out of natural courtesy he received, but did not appropriate. It was like a gift placed in the palm of an outreached hand upon which the fingers do not close.

            – Herman Melville, Billy Budd, Chapter 24

    1. teebob2000

      Yes but only because they don't know how perilously close they are to being consumed.

    1. MosesInvests

      That's somewhere else, not at the Wall. I guess Gov. Crisco forgot to take it off.

    2. CthuNHu

      Because the Jew in front isn't shamelessly pandering for mindshare among American Christians who think all Jews go to hell.

      Makes sense to me. Does it to you?

  1. SkinnyNerd

    Is having "GOVERNOR" printed on your yarmulke the equivalent of having your name stitched onto your underwear?

    1. Callyson

      I did not notice that when I first saw the picture. How much of a gigantic ego does one have to have to place his title on a freaking yarmulke FFS?

  2. Baconzgood

    There is a wall/fat fuck joke there that ends with "Whaling Wall", but I just can't flush it out.

  3. noodlesalad

    There are about a million things wrong with his "Governor Yarmulke," but it gives me great pleasure to know that somewhere, some unpaid assistant to Sarah Palin is trying to figure out if it would be kosher for her to wear one on the Today Show. (Hint: NO!)

    1. Devilette

      Sarah's dilemma for tomorrow – Do I wear the giant Star of David, my gaudy cross belt buckle, or one of my large crosses? I bet she gives the make- up artists and wardrobe folks heartburn.

      1. reliefsinn

        Yes, but which condiments?

        All of them, Katie

        Sorry, figured I had to answer my own post since this was an old thread.

  4. actor212

    Good Governor Sandwiches

    Y'know, for a couple years now, I've been wracking my brain for a good mob name for Christie.

    Fuck you, Ginger, for doing it in one: Christie Bag-o-Sammiches

    1. prommie

      Governor Giant Fat Disgusting Lardass Who is Greasy and Smells Like a Sweaty Fat Enormous Fat Smelly Fuck.

  5. LastGasp

    Somebody stop him! In that first photo Chris Christie looks like he's going to push over the Wailing Wall (with his considerable heft he just might be able to do it), and in the last picture he looks like he's going to have that infant as a snack.
    We're already having enough trouble getting along with Israel.

  6. SorosBot

    Maybe Jersey will get lucky and Israel will keep the disgusting ass who slashes state workers' pay to give away money to the rich fuckheads.

    1. GeneralLerong

      My friend the harbor seal informs me that blubber make ya float.

      Picture Christie bouncing over the surface of the Dead Sea like a humongous beach ball…

    1. LastGasp

      Well, Chris Christie is a Roman Catholic, so if he's holding a copy of the Torah he has no idea what the Hebrew verses mean. Then again, if he's holding a copy of the Bible while standing in front of the Wailing Wall then… that makes no sense.
      Maybe he is holding a menu…

  7. widestanceromance

    Pardon my ignorance (as you always do), but is it customary for yarmulkes to bear one's name/title? I'm guessing CC's starts as "World's Largest ________."

  8. actor212

    In that second picture, I bet we could have a lot of fun and create an international incident by telling Governor Donuts those are chocolate stains.

    1. Wadisay

      Learn from the success of the Romney campaign: it's never too early to start pandering.

  9. Baconzgood

    Snark off.

    That dude is really over weight. I mean that can't be good for his health. It's really hard to think how someone lets themselves go like that. Doesn't his DR. tell him about cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes?

      1. prommie

        He tried to walk uphill. He has his servants carry him everywhere on a palanquin, ever since.

    1. DemmeFatale

      Yeah, Baconz, he should look into weight-loss surgery. Now.
      I'm sure his doctors warn him a lot, but he probably doesn't think he has time to cope with it.
      His window to deal with this is closing.
      Sorry about the lack of snark.
      (Wife of an ex-fattie.)

    2. slowhansolo

      I'm sure his doctor mentions it. But do you know who he is? He's the governor of motherfucking New Jersey, and no one tells him what to do.

  10. Lucidamente1

    "If I do not remember thee, Jerusalem, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth so that I may not enjoy delicious snack food from here to Eilat."

  11. straighteight

    Those tourists with the newborn are just jazzed that John Goodman wanted to hold their baby for some reason!

  12. Jus_Wonderin

    From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. Keep your damn hand off my biscuit, Ye damned whale.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Oh dear — Christie's definitely gonna try for the VP slot if he's getting his pious fraud card punched this year. On the bright side, it's hard to defile something that was knocked flat 2,000 years ago.

  14. Baconzgood

    When Chris Christie goes around Israel, he literally goes AROUND Isreal. Getit, getit. Because he's so fat.

  15. Antispandex

    I hope they have something like the Taft bathtub over there, because it can get very sweaty in Isreal for the big people.

    1. prommie

      There is the dead sea, but it might prove impossible to submerge him. I think he's a "sponge on a stick" kinda guy, anyway.

    1. iburl

      Humpty Christie wailed on a wall
      Humpty Christie ate a bear claw
      All the Fox cameras and all TBN
      Couldn't frame his fat ass once again

      hey, I tried.

  16. elfgoldsackring

    I may be going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing someone named "Christopher Christie" is not actually Jewish…

  17. BornInATrailer

    Figures. Fatty can't even wait until they make the matzo with that Palestinian baby.


  18. Gopherit

    Aw, how cute! His yarmulke is embroidered with "Governor"! I bet his Bubbeh made that for him before he ate her.

  19. Limeylizzie

    That picture of the baby is something I can relate to, due to the 34G bosoms of mine, all babies when I hold them try to breastfeed, I think that is what is happening there with Christie's moobs.

  20. WiscDad

    "Here he is, trying to connect with God to make a very important request." What??? That someday he'll be able to see his dick again when he's pissing?

  21. VeraSevera

    When do you supposed the last time was that he actually saw his penis…or was even able to touch it?

  22. vtxmcrider

    Sarah Palin is still trying to figure out why the Whaling Wall is not right on the coast like some kind of hurricane barrier.

  23. hagajim

    All snark aside, but that is one dead man walking. My God! I knew the man was fat, but I've never had the privelege of seeing a photo that captures his hugery so well.

  24. soeoho

    I saw Spock mind melding with a rock on an old episode of Star Trek.
    Cept he was smarter than the rock.

  25. grex1949

    How does he not NOTICE that he's a tub of festering pus and needs to lose about 300 pounds?

  26. Warwhatgoodfor

    Back in my medical student days in the great state of Ioway, we used to note such, shall we say, rotund individuals in Iowa units. An Iowa unit was fifty pounds on the hoof. I'd put him down at about 7 IU, give or take a little. Maybe an 8. It was also acceptable to point out they were the same size from top to bottom as side to side.

  27. gurukalehuru

    Mr. Nuttinyahoo, tear down this wall.

    Also, if Chris Christie ever gets into the Oval Office, we'll never get him out. At least not without a crane and some major reconstruction.

  28. Monsieur_Grumpe

    If he was a humble or nice person I would be sympathetic towards his weight problem. But he's not and I'm not. Gravity do your stuff!

  29. rickmaci

    All snark aside, which is hard to do given the topic and pics, that man is killing himself. Really very sad.

    1. slithytoves

      Seriously, he needs the help of that doctor from "My Life as a 600lb" or whatever it is. You simply cannot carry that much weight and live long. Seeing those pix, I didn't realize how bad it was.

  30. HippieEsq

    FIRST PHOTO CAPTION: Chris Christie moments before his weight toppled the Western (and last) wall of the great Temple.

  31. Robman2

    So, one GOD three and counting religions fighting about their dead Master's tenets, at a facade, or as the facade, which, according to historicity (Thanks Newt for that word) are exactly the same, Light, Unstruck Sound, Holy Breath and Manna.

    Take time out from the trail Christos of Jersey, and find the Master wot's alive, it doesn't require belief, because it's real, not all inked up in them many books o' pages.

    Just sayin'!

  32. LetUsBray

    Wow, that wall is bigger than Gov. Christie's ass.

    Christie [Cartman voice]: IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!!

  33. valthemus

    Let it be known that, as someone who has to deal with his own less-than-perfect image in the mirror every morning, generally speaking, I will refrain from commenting on a public figure's weight or appearance. But I am a weak and petty little man who is too easily tempted, so…

    and here.

  34. heathenette

    When I see Chris Christie in all his Christian goodness, all I can think of is, “Gluttony in a sin, Ya fat ass!”

  35. Man0nTheStreet

    Aaaaaaannnnd this is why I now and forever refer to him a Gov. Fat Bastard. Somebody keep an eye on that baby to make sure the Gov doesn't mistake it for his customary mid-morning snack of a 10-lb roll of head cheese!

  36. Negropolis

    Man, from the chest up he looks obese. From there on down he looks morbidly obese. I've never seen aynthing like it.

  37. MRjonz

    Well, now that Christie has been to Israel, by Republican standards, he now knows absolutely everything you need to know about American Foreign Policy; “The Bucks Stop Here.”

    And the yarmulke with “Governor” in white lettering on it is a classy touch.

    Bonus quip: Now they know who to get for the remake of “Cast A Giant Shadow.”

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      The reasons reichwingers lurve the Israel is two-fold, based on whether they're part of the GOoPer 1% or the GOoPer 99%.

      The 1% are happy that Israel is the perfect (westernized) wealthy (heavily-subsidized) well-located (near OUR mid-east oil) market for the US War Machine output;

      The 99% are convinced that it's where Jesus lives, and he will be handing out gold Ameros and McD's franchises to the True Christians (English-speaking White Americans) after Armageddon clears the world of Blahs/Joos/Kweers/Mooselims.

  38. Joey_Blau

    OMG Christie is Jewish!?? I never knew…

    and Israel is lucky he didn;t bump into the wall and knock it down… (ta-dump)

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