bob dole joke here

Ann Romney: Husband Mitt Has Flaccid Pecker

That's what she saidNice Mitt Romney Head Sister Wife In Charge Ann Romney made a boner today when asked whether her husband was too “stiff.” Here, let us let Twitter tell the story:

Boner

Oh ANN.

Ann Romney used to give a bunch of dough to Planned Parenthood, so we are fairly sure that she is not a sad homeschooled ninny who doesn’t know how babies are made. In fact, we are beginning to think she did this on purpose, to win a coveted Wonkette Comment of the Day Award (Mitt Romney’s Pecker Edition), because she’s secretly a slutty and kick-ass abortion machine. So which of you guys is Ann Romney? [Twitter]

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Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • DaRooster

    Oh Ann… get over here.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    It's not me. It's you.

    No wait, that came out wrong. I was thinking of what you say when you dump someone.

  • Lucidamente1

    Well, the crawl says "Ann Romney Opens Up," so my work is done here.

    • freakishlywrong

      Indeed.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    EWWWWWWWWWWW!

    I always got this "playground" vibe from Mitt, but EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

  • Barb

    His dick is so limp that I expect as POTUS, he will spend a lot of time sleeping on "Air Mattress One."

    • HippieEsq

      Air Force None?

    • irishdave3

      …but the Magic Underpants ward off Evil!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    If his pandering lasts for more than 4 hours, call a spin doctor.

    • Limeylizzie

      Comment of the day, no ifs ands or buts.

      • sewollef

        Comment of the day, no ifs ands or butts.

        Fixed. This man is as straight as an arrow, but not nearly as sharp.

  • MissTaken

    I cannot judge this until Mad Men creates a Viagra commercial with Mitt Romney talking about his stump being the right height.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      With or without clown makeup?

      • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

        Clown makeup applied where?

  • FakaktaSouth

    We can pump Mitt for info all day, but Ann's the real gusher. (I still say she ain't helpin')

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      All it took was the lightest of strokes from the fluffers at FOX News…

    • emmelemm

      The word gusher in this situation… well…

    • irishdave3

      probably left over from his role in the porn movie…French Missionary Position

  • MadBrahms

    Reference to his penis? Or to a body bag?

  • straighteight

    Anne, that was a real boner.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Mr. Romney maintains a state of manually-stimulated semi-turgidity at all times, just in case.

    There's a reason he's called Mitt.

  • Sue4466

    Just. Wow.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    He's not just stiff, he's turgid!

  • Biff

    I think it must be the MS talking. Or maybe it's Mormon Tourette's. Either way, pretty risqué coming from her.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Praise be to Kolob.

  • Beetagger

    Are there twin bathtubs in each of the Romney mansion backyards?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      One on each car elevator, yes.

  • IncenseDebate

    Oh come on! Mitt is always one to pull a big boner.

    • Gopherit

      I thought that was Ann's job?

  • MozakiBlocks

    Bet you $20 that the campaign puts out a statement from that Ann Romney has "evolved her views on abortion and now believes that the procedure should not be allowed".

    • littlebigdaddy

      Make that $10,000 and you're on.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "Planned Parenthood: We're not Just AbortionPlex."

      They need to come up with a slogan like that or something. Because most of what they do is help people avoid needing an abortion in the first place.

      • Veritas78

        Which, of course, is cheating.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    "This should only be discussed in a quiet room, Ann."

  • Not_So_Much

    No, I am Spartacus Ann Romney!

    • MosesInvests

      I'm Ann Romney-and so is my wife!

  • Callyson

    which of you guys is Ann Romney?
    Today, we are all Ann Romney…

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Thanks, Annie "Rombot" for ruining "That's What She Said."

  • ttommyunger

    Aaaaaaaaaaaggggggh! My brain!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • mavenmaven

    How many p-points does she get for that comment?

    • elviouslyqueer

      All of them, Katie.

      Oh COME ON.

  • Schmannnity

    Stiff and awkward.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Sure, but he'll switch to whatever position is most convenient for her.

    • IncenseDebate

      His grandfather was a missionary, so, you can imagine.

    • SpeedoFart

      That doesn't sound too bad except…

      … Sex with Mitt. I just made myself throw up.

  • SorosBot

    Wait, if Mitt can't get too stiff how did they have all those kids? Maybe the Romney family has a very happy gardener.

    • http://wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

      Is that what they mean by "Romney's Mexican roots"?

    • MissTaken

      In that one thread of pictures Tagg *did* look rather tan.

      • SorosBot

        Yes he did – I think old Willard really does have an unknown brother-husband.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      The Michael Jackson Method: the kids all look like Mitt's dermatologist.

  • HELisforHEL

    Mormon 'sexy fun talk' is really disturbing. Must bleach brain, stat.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Another critical system failure for the Mittbot2000. Perhaps need some adjustments in the Milfbot unit as well.

    • SkinnyNerd

      Message to headquarters:

      URGENT. URGENT.

      WifeBot6 has transmitted vital information on internal workings. Please ship WifeBot7 immediately with sexual innuendo explanation capabilities.

      End transmission.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_FukuiKatie

    RMoney's Viagra moment.

  • SayItWithWookies

    "Not only that, his sperm are so motile that they're still avoiding military service!"

  • http://wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    You can't "unzip" magic Mormon undies. Just sayin'…

  • IncenseDebate

    I guess Mitt was a little too easy on the beaver last night.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    She should fire him and outsource.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    @ sent from one of my Cadillac's.

  • Pragmatist2

    You can't snark perfection.

  • Terry

    Flaccid or not, it obviously works given the slew of kids they have. Unless a turkey baster was involved, I guess.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Magic underwear has a zipper?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    In my time zone, we do not talk about such things until after the noon hour.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      And only between Memorial Day and Labor Day!!

    • emmelemm

      In quiet rooms, bien sur.

  • MissTaken

    "I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out"

    I always assumed the Mormon Underroos had buttons. Silly me!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It has a fap flap.

      • bagofmice

        Release the Mormon!

  • Gopherit

    That's some seriously kinky pillowtalk, Ann.

  • http://wonkette.com John Birf Society

    He's not stiff when he's in front but he gets stiff when he's behind.

  • Baconzgood

    #Notintendedtobefunny

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    So which of you guys is Ann Romney?

    Answer 1) Today, we are all Ann Romney.
    Answer 2) All of 'em, Katie.

    • MissTaken

      Answer 3) Balls.

      • MosesInvests

        Comment of the day!

  • straighteight

    Mitt's prostate is apparently the size of an AMC Metropolitan.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    If his hair doesn't go out of place, it wasn't sex.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Mitt Romney, a Bob Dole for the next generation.

    • HistoriCat

      Well they did both spend time in Europe during their respective generations' wars.

  • freakishlywrong

    "I like pancakes. And cheesygrits. And I'm hung like a wet farm animal, y'all".

    • TootsStansbury

      I find this comment impossible to fap to. It is the anti-fap.

    • CthuNHu

      "A duck, specifically, but still…"

  • Baconzgood

    I don't want to see Mitt's cock. Sorry, that's just me.

    • Mahousu

      No, it's not just you. It's all of us, really.

      Even Ann.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      But it's real nice. Titanium skeletal structure, operated by nano transistors, and covered with a a soft, flesh like coasting, ribbed for her pleasure.

      Gee, you're right. It sounds disgusting.

  • Goonemeritus

    When I compared Mitt to Bob Dole a few months ago I thought it was just because he was going to get his ass kicked in the general election. Now I know he will also have a second career advertising for the little blue pill.

  • hagajim

    She might be way more fun that Mittens.

    • Steverino247

      And cleaner than Lucille.

      (Frank Zappa: Joe's Garage reference)

  • proudgrampa

    Maybe she's setting up grounds for divorce (it's allowed in the Mormon Church): "He wasn't stiff enough, your honor."

  • Geminisunmars

    Is Ann channeling Erica Jong?

  • straighteight

    Was Romboner one of the characters in the musical "Cats"?

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Well there you have it: There isn't one part of Mitt Romney that stands firm

  • Tundra Grifter

    Reminds me of one of the great Tonight Show moments that probably never happened.

    Johnny Carson was interviewing Mrs. Arnold Palmer.

    Carson: "Do you do anything special to bring your husband luck before a tournament?"

    Mrs. Palmer: "I kiss his balls."

    Carson: "I bet that makes his putter stand up."

    • DahBoner

      Hi Yo!!!!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid
      • Tundra Grifter

        Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

        Ya can't be too rich or too thin.

        Or too stiff.

        Unless you are a stiff, of course.

  • LesBontemps

    Dick jokes! Get yer hot fresh dick jokes here! Dick jokes!

    What, isn't it Opening Day?

  • meatlofer

    It's great America gets to see Mitt's softside.

  • IncenseDebate

    What does Mrs. Santorum have to say?

  • smoothmineral

    The woman is a gem.
    I now understand why Willard decided to still marry her even though she dated other men while he was a missionary in France.

  • Limeylizzie

    I bet it looks like a penis, only smaller.

  • DahBoner

    Ann Romney

    Weirdest thing is…a Republican man lets his wife run around with no collar, no tags!

  • smitallica

    That made my car elevator go all the way up.

  • lulzmonger

    Today, none of us are Ann Romney.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Drill, baby, drill.

  • ThundercatHo

    It's one thing to imagine the sexytimes of a beautiful couple such as Barry and Mrs. O. but thinking about Mitt's flaccid wanger is quite another.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Planned Parenthood was the "go-to" charity for Moderate Republicans back before the Religious Right took over. Rachel Maddow did a segment last week about the Bush family's heavy and intimate involvement in Planned Parenthood, right up until Reagan made HW pretend he was anti-abortion to get on the 1980 ticket. Can't have the proles and peasants overbreeding, you know!

  • IncenseDebate

    Willard's unwilling wang a woe to wife

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Worth pointing out that, if Mitt were to win the General Election, the sex soundtrack of the White House would shift from Al Green to Donny & Marie.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Such courageous, valiant women, these Republican wives! What if one of them said to the candidate, "If I have to compromise my deeply held convictions for you to be President, I guess you're not going to be President." Jesus, what am I smoking?

  • Wadisay

    This is good news for John McCain.

  • SpeedoFart

    I HAD HOPED TO GET THROUGH THIS ENTIRE ELECTION SEASON WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT MITTENS' WANG.

    There goes that dream. Thanks a lot, Wonkette.

    • DahBoner

      Sorry, wong number…

  • gout

    poodle bites…poodle chews it

  • SockBunny

    Keep 'it' up Republicans!

  • CigarVolante

    She says that like she thinks that "Slutty" is a bad thing.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Excuse me, while I whip this out….

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    "Unzip the Mitt!" is the new "Release the Kracken!"

  • rickmaci

    I wonder what the blow back will be on this one?

  • irishdave3

    drippy boners…emerging Gooper motif or something more?

  • fishwharf

    Warning: If it lasts longer than four hours, seek medical help immediately.