bob dole joke here

Ann Romney: Husband Mitt Has Flaccid Pecker

That's what she saidNice Mitt Romney Head Sister Wife In Charge Ann Romney made a boner today when asked whether her husband was too “stiff.” Here, let us let Twitter tell the story:

Boner

Oh ANN.

Ann Romney used to give a bunch of dough to Planned Parenthood, so we are fairly sure that she is not a sad homeschooled ninny who doesn’t know how babies are made. In fact, we are beginning to think she did this on purpose, to win a coveted Wonkette Comment of the Day Award (Mitt Romney’s Pecker Edition), because she’s secretly a slutty and kick-ass abortion machine. So which of you guys is Ann Romney? [Twitter]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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121 comments

  1. SheriffRoscoe

    It's not me. It's you.

    No wait, that came out wrong. I was thinking of what you say when you dump someone.

  2. Barb

    His dick is so limp that I expect as POTUS, he will spend a lot of time sleeping on "Air Mattress One."

      1. sewollef

        Comment of the day, no ifs ands or butts.

        Fixed. This man is as straight as an arrow, but not nearly as sharp.

  3. MissTaken

    I cannot judge this until Mad Men creates a Viagra commercial with Mitt Romney talking about his stump being the right height.

  4. FakaktaSouth

    We can pump Mitt for info all day, but Ann's the real gusher. (I still say she ain't helpin')

  5. Biff

    I think it must be the MS talking. Or maybe it's Mormon Tourette's. Either way, pretty risqué coming from her.

  6. MozakiBlocks

    Bet you $20 that the campaign puts out a statement from that Ann Romney has "evolved her views on abortion and now believes that the procedure should not be allowed".

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      "Planned Parenthood: We're not Just AbortionPlex."

      They need to come up with a slogan like that or something. Because most of what they do is help people avoid needing an abortion in the first place.

    1. SpeedoFart

      That doesn't sound too bad except…

      … Sex with Mitt. I just made myself throw up.

  7. SorosBot

    Wait, if Mitt can't get too stiff how did they have all those kids? Maybe the Romney family has a very happy gardener.

  8. littlebigdaddy

    Another critical system failure for the Mittbot2000. Perhaps need some adjustments in the Milfbot unit as well.

    1. SkinnyNerd

      Message to headquarters:

      URGENT. URGENT.

      WifeBot6 has transmitted vital information on internal workings. Please ship WifeBot7 immediately with sexual innuendo explanation capabilities.

      End transmission.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    "Not only that, his sperm are so motile that they're still avoiding military service!"

  10. Terry

    Flaccid or not, it obviously works given the slew of kids they have. Unless a turkey baster was involved, I guess.

  11. MissTaken

    "I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out"

    I always assumed the Mormon Underroos had buttons. Silly me!

  12. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    So which of you guys is Ann Romney?

    Answer 1) Today, we are all Ann Romney.
    Answer 2) All of 'em, Katie.

    1. starfanglednut

      But it's real nice. Titanium skeletal structure, operated by nano transistors, and covered with a a soft, flesh like coasting, ribbed for her pleasure.

      Gee, you're right. It sounds disgusting.

  13. Goonemeritus

    When I compared Mitt to Bob Dole a few months ago I thought it was just because he was going to get his ass kicked in the general election. Now I know he will also have a second career advertising for the little blue pill.

  14. proudgrampa

    Maybe she's setting up grounds for divorce (it's allowed in the Mormon Church): "He wasn't stiff enough, your honor."

  15. Tundra Grifter

    Reminds me of one of the great Tonight Show moments that probably never happened.

    Johnny Carson was interviewing Mrs. Arnold Palmer.

    Carson: "Do you do anything special to bring your husband luck before a tournament?"

    Mrs. Palmer: "I kiss his balls."

    Carson: "I bet that makes his putter stand up."

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

        Ya can't be too rich or too thin.

        Or too stiff.

        Unless you are a stiff, of course.

  16. LesBontemps

    Dick jokes! Get yer hot fresh dick jokes here! Dick jokes!

    What, isn't it Opening Day?

  17. smoothmineral

    The woman is a gem.
    I now understand why Willard decided to still marry her even though she dated other men while he was a missionary in France.

  18. DahBoner

    Ann Romney

    Weirdest thing is…a Republican man lets his wife run around with no collar, no tags!

  19. ThundercatHo

    It's one thing to imagine the sexytimes of a beautiful couple such as Barry and Mrs. O. but thinking about Mitt's flaccid wanger is quite another.

  20. Chet Kincaid

    Planned Parenthood was the "go-to" charity for Moderate Republicans back before the Religious Right took over. Rachel Maddow did a segment last week about the Bush family's heavy and intimate involvement in Planned Parenthood, right up until Reagan made HW pretend he was anti-abortion to get on the 1980 ticket. Can't have the proles and peasants overbreeding, you know!

  21. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Worth pointing out that, if Mitt were to win the General Election, the sex soundtrack of the White House would shift from Al Green to Donny & Marie.

  22. Chet Kincaid

    Such courageous, valiant women, these Republican wives! What if one of them said to the candidate, "If I have to compromise my deeply held convictions for you to be President, I guess you're not going to be President." Jesus, what am I smoking?

  23. SpeedoFart

    I HAD HOPED TO GET THROUGH THIS ENTIRE ELECTION SEASON WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT MITTENS' WANG.

    There goes that dream. Thanks a lot, Wonkette.

Comments are closed.