bob dole joke here

Ann Romney: Husband Mitt Has Flaccid Pecker

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

That's what she saidNice Mitt Romney Head Sister Wife In Charge Ann Romney made a boner today when asked whether her husband was too “stiff.” Here, let us let Twitter tell the story:



Ann Romney used to give a bunch of dough to Planned Parenthood, so we are fairly sure that she is not a sad homeschooled ninny who doesn’t know how babies are made. In fact, we are beginning to think she did this on purpose, to win a coveted Wonkette Comment of the Day Award (Mitt Romney’s Pecker Edition), because she’s secretly a slutty and kick-ass abortion machine. So which of you guys is Ann Romney? [Twitter]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • DaRooster

    Oh Ann… get over here.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    It's not me. It's you.

    No wait, that came out wrong. I was thinking of what you say when you dump someone.

  • Lucidamente1

    Well, the crawl says "Ann Romney Opens Up," so my work is done here.

    • freakishlywrong


  • actor212


    I always got this "playground" vibe from Mitt, but EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

  • Barb

    His dick is so limp that I expect as POTUS, he will spend a lot of time sleeping on "Air Mattress One."

    • HippieEsq

      Air Force None?

    • irishdave3

      …but the Magic Underpants ward off Evil!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    If his pandering lasts for more than 4 hours, call a spin doctor.

    • Limeylizzie

      Comment of the day, no ifs ands or buts.

      • sewollef

        Comment of the day, no ifs ands or butts.

        Fixed. This man is as straight as an arrow, but not nearly as sharp.

  • MissTaken

    I cannot judge this until Mad Men creates a Viagra commercial with Mitt Romney talking about his stump being the right height.

    • actor212

      With or without clown makeup?

      • Infrogmation

        Clown makeup applied where?

  • FakaktaSouth

    We can pump Mitt for info all day, but Ann's the real gusher. (I still say she ain't helpin')

    • actor212

      All it took was the lightest of strokes from the fluffers at FOX News…

    • emmelemm

      The word gusher in this situation… well…

    • irishdave3

      probably left over from his role in the porn movie…French Missionary Position

  • MadBrahms

    Reference to his penis? Or to a body bag?

  • straighteight

    Anne, that was a real boner.

  • Spurning Beer

    Mr. Romney maintains a state of manually-stimulated semi-turgidity at all times, just in case.

    There's a reason he's called Mitt.

  • Sue4466

    Just. Wow.

  • Sharkey

    He's not just stiff, he's turgid!

  • Biff

    I think it must be the MS talking. Or maybe it's Mormon Tourette's. Either way, pretty risqué coming from her.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Praise be to Kolob.

  • Beetagger

    Are there twin bathtubs in each of the Romney mansion backyards?

    • actor212

      One on each car elevator, yes.

  • IncenseDebate

    Oh come on! Mitt is always one to pull a big boner.

    • Gopherit

      I thought that was Ann's job?

  • MozakiBlocks

    Bet you $20 that the campaign puts out a statement from that Ann Romney has "evolved her views on abortion and now believes that the procedure should not be allowed".

    • littlebigdaddy

      Make that $10,000 and you're on.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "Planned Parenthood: We're not Just AbortionPlex."

      They need to come up with a slogan like that or something. Because most of what they do is help people avoid needing an abortion in the first place.

      • Veritas78

        Which, of course, is cheating.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    "This should only be discussed in a quiet room, Ann."

  • Not_So_Much

    No, I am Spartacus Ann Romney!

    • MosesInvests

      I'm Ann Romney-and so is my wife!

  • Callyson

    which of you guys is Ann Romney?
    Today, we are all Ann Romney…

  • ManchuCandidate

    Thanks, Annie "Rombot" for ruining "That's What She Said."

  • ttommyunger

    Aaaaaaaaaaaggggggh! My brain!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • mavenmaven

    How many p-points does she get for that comment?

    • elviouslyqueer

      All of them, Katie.

      Oh COME ON.

  • Schmannnity

    Stiff and awkward.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Sure, but he'll switch to whatever position is most convenient for her.

    • IncenseDebate

      His grandfather was a missionary, so, you can imagine.

    • SpeedoFart

      That doesn't sound too bad except…

      … Sex with Mitt. I just made myself throw up.

  • SorosBot

    Wait, if Mitt can't get too stiff how did they have all those kids? Maybe the Romney family has a very happy gardener.

    • Chill-A-Sketch

      Is that what they mean by "Romney's Mexican roots"?

    • MissTaken

      In that one thread of pictures Tagg *did* look rather tan.

      • SorosBot

        Yes he did – I think old Willard really does have an unknown brother-husband.

    • Chet Kincaid

      The Michael Jackson Method: the kids all look like Mitt's dermatologist.

  • HELisforHEL

    Mormon 'sexy fun talk' is really disturbing. Must bleach brain, stat.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Another critical system failure for the Mittbot2000. Perhaps need some adjustments in the Milfbot unit as well.

    • SkinnyNerd

      Message to headquarters:


      WifeBot6 has transmitted vital information on internal workings. Please ship WifeBot7 immediately with sexual innuendo explanation capabilities.

      End transmission.

  • weej_FukuiKatie

    RMoney's Viagra moment.

  • SayItWithWookies

    "Not only that, his sperm are so motile that they're still avoiding military service!"

  • Chill-A-Sketch

    You can't "unzip" magic Mormon undies. Just sayin'…

  • IncenseDebate

    I guess Mitt was a little too easy on the beaver last night.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    She should fire him and outsource.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    @ sent from one of my Cadillac's.

  • Pragmatist2

    You can't snark perfection.

  • Terry

    Flaccid or not, it obviously works given the slew of kids they have. Unless a turkey baster was involved, I guess.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Magic underwear has a zipper?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    In my time zone, we do not talk about such things until after the noon hour.

    • Chet Kincaid

      And only between Memorial Day and Labor Day!!

    • emmelemm

      In quiet rooms, bien sur.

  • MissTaken

    "I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out"

    I always assumed the Mormon Underroos had buttons. Silly me!

    • actor212

      It has a fap flap.

      • bagofmice

        Release the Mormon!

  • Gopherit

    That's some seriously kinky pillowtalk, Ann.

  • John Birf Society

    He's not stiff when he's in front but he gets stiff when he's behind.

  • Baconzgood


  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    So which of you guys is Ann Romney?

    Answer 1) Today, we are all Ann Romney.
    Answer 2) All of 'em, Katie.

    • MissTaken

      Answer 3) Balls.

      • MosesInvests

        Comment of the day!

  • straighteight

    Mitt's prostate is apparently the size of an AMC Metropolitan.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    If his hair doesn't go out of place, it wasn't sex.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Mitt Romney, a Bob Dole for the next generation.

    • HistoriCat

      Well they did both spend time in Europe during their respective generations' wars.

  • freakishlywrong

    "I like pancakes. And cheesygrits. And I'm hung like a wet farm animal, y'all".

    • TootsStansbury

      I find this comment impossible to fap to. It is the anti-fap.

    • CthuNHu

      "A duck, specifically, but still…"

  • Baconzgood

    I don't want to see Mitt's cock. Sorry, that's just me.

    • Mahousu

      No, it's not just you. It's all of us, really.

      Even Ann.

    • starfanglednut

      But it's real nice. Titanium skeletal structure, operated by nano transistors, and covered with a a soft, flesh like coasting, ribbed for her pleasure.

      Gee, you're right. It sounds disgusting.

  • Goonemeritus

    When I compared Mitt to Bob Dole a few months ago I thought it was just because he was going to get his ass kicked in the general election. Now I know he will also have a second career advertising for the little blue pill.

  • hagajim

    She might be way more fun that Mittens.

    • Steverino247

      And cleaner than Lucille.

      (Frank Zappa: Joe's Garage reference)

  • proudgrampa

    Maybe she's setting up grounds for divorce (it's allowed in the Mormon Church): "He wasn't stiff enough, your honor."

  • Geminisunmars

    Is Ann channeling Erica Jong?

  • straighteight

    Was Romboner one of the characters in the musical "Cats"?

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    Well there you have it: There isn't one part of Mitt Romney that stands firm

  • Tundra Grifter

    Reminds me of one of the great Tonight Show moments that probably never happened.

    Johnny Carson was interviewing Mrs. Arnold Palmer.

    Carson: "Do you do anything special to bring your husband luck before a tournament?"

    Mrs. Palmer: "I kiss his balls."

    Carson: "I bet that makes his putter stand up."

    • DahBoner

      Hi Yo!!!!

    • Chet Kincaid
      • Tundra Grifter

        Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

        Ya can't be too rich or too thin.

        Or too stiff.

        Unless you are a stiff, of course.

  • LesBontemps

    Dick jokes! Get yer hot fresh dick jokes here! Dick jokes!

    What, isn't it Opening Day?

  • meatlofer

    It's great America gets to see Mitt's softside.

  • IncenseDebate

    What does Mrs. Santorum have to say?

  • smoothmineral

    The woman is a gem.
    I now understand why Willard decided to still marry her even though she dated other men while he was a missionary in France.

  • Limeylizzie

    I bet it looks like a penis, only smaller.

  • DahBoner

    Ann Romney

    Weirdest thing is…a Republican man lets his wife run around with no collar, no tags!

  • smitallica

    That made my car elevator go all the way up.

  • lulzmonger

    Today, none of us are Ann Romney.

  • donner_froh

    Drill, baby, drill.

  • ThundercatHo

    It's one thing to imagine the sexytimes of a beautiful couple such as Barry and Mrs. O. but thinking about Mitt's flaccid wanger is quite another.

  • Chet Kincaid

    Planned Parenthood was the "go-to" charity for Moderate Republicans back before the Religious Right took over. Rachel Maddow did a segment last week about the Bush family's heavy and intimate involvement in Planned Parenthood, right up until Reagan made HW pretend he was anti-abortion to get on the 1980 ticket. Can't have the proles and peasants overbreeding, you know!

  • IncenseDebate

    Willard's unwilling wang a woe to wife

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    Worth pointing out that, if Mitt were to win the General Election, the sex soundtrack of the White House would shift from Al Green to Donny & Marie.

  • Chet Kincaid

    Such courageous, valiant women, these Republican wives! What if one of them said to the candidate, "If I have to compromise my deeply held convictions for you to be President, I guess you're not going to be President." Jesus, what am I smoking?

  • Wadisay

    This is good news for John McCain.

  • SpeedoFart


    There goes that dream. Thanks a lot, Wonkette.

    • DahBoner

      Sorry, wong number…

  • gout

    poodle bites…poodle chews it

  • SockBunny

    Keep 'it' up Republicans!

  • CigarVolante

    She says that like she thinks that "Slutty" is a bad thing.

  • gurukalehuru

    Excuse me, while I whip this out….

  • imissopus

    "Unzip the Mitt!" is the new "Release the Kracken!"

  • rickmaci

    I wonder what the blow back will be on this one?

  • irishdave3

    drippy boners…emerging Gooper motif or something more?

  • fishwharf

    Warning: If it lasts longer than four hours, seek medical help immediately.