Aw, the House GOP is feeling so lonely for its old boyfriend Earmarks that it is going around Congress quietly surveying friends to see how mad everyone would be if it got back together with Earmarks. Everything was better with Earmarks, wasn’t it, GOP Rep. Steven LaTourette? “You can’t get 218 votes (out of 242 Republican House members) and part of that has to be if you can’t give people anything (earmarks), you can’t take anything away from them,” he complained. That’s adorable, the Republican Party is so depressed without Earmarks in its life that it can barely show up for work anymore. So romantic! Time for Act Two, in which a comical plot to bring Earmarks back is carefully hatched…
Secret enclaves! Risky public declarations of love!
In a closed-door meeting with fellow Republicans, [Alabama Rep. Mike] Rogers recommended reviving a proven legislative sweetener that became politically toxic a year ago.
Bring back earmarks, Rogers, who was first elected to Congress in 2002, told his colleagues.
Few members of Congress have been bold enough to use the “e” word since both the House and Senate temporarily banned the practice last year after public outcries about Alaska’s “Bridge to Nowhere” and other pork barrel projects.
But as lawmakers wrestle with legislative paralysis, there are signs that earmarks – special interest projects that used to be tacked onto major bills – could make a comeback.
“I just got up … and did it because I was mad because they were talking about how we can’t get 218 votes,” Rogers told Reuters, referring to the minimum of 218 votes needed to pass legislation in the 435-member House.
“There was a lot of applause when I made my comments. I had a few freshmen boo me, but that’s okay. By and large it was very well embraced,” he added.
Aw. Where will this story go in Act Three? Somewhere happy, we are pretty sure. Definitely. [Reuters]
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John Boener is the saddest little tangerine ever.
Don't cry for me, Orange Boehner…
I can't quit you, earmarks.
You had me at Pork.
Show me the earmarks!
teh congrss haz the gay for the earmarx
What about pork barrel? What about log rolling? What about you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours? Whatever happened to us? I mean US. The way we were. Memories light the corners of my mind. Misty watered colored memories of the way we were.
Thank you, Barbra. I'm getting all vaklempt.
Whatever happened to you
Whatever happened to us
We missed the proverbial boat
The plane & train & the bus
Push came to shove & we fell out of love
We tore each other apart
Love is grand but I can't understand
Why you broke my proverbial heart
–Loudon Wainwright III
The love that dare not speak its name.
You'd have to say it in Pig Latin to avoid being struck by lightning. "Iberybray" doesn't have much of a ring to it, though.
So this is what it looks like when deficit chickenhawks cry.
Maybe you're just like John Boehner. He's never satisfied.
Maybe I'm just like Eric Cantor 2 dumb
the worst kind of dumb…whiny dumb.
They shouldn’t stop there, what the hell why not dust off the “K” street project again.
"we've always been at war with eastasia"
-Freshmen Tea Party Congressmen Starting to Understand REAL Politics-
GOP, are you familiar with a phrase "As you sow, so shall you reap"?
You all go on about your latest catchphrase to stir up your base but don't think through to the outcomes of those actions. Yep, there have certainly been bad, bad projects tucked into earmarks, but it is also a mechanism for Congress folks to fund things that their district or state really needs. But who cares about all that? You sounded great on TV ranting against earmarks and trying to take on sensible earmark reform sounds like it would have been a lot of work.
So, basically, you can suck on it.
A wise man once said "It'll be fun watching the Tea Partiers' gradual corruption once they get to DC. They'll go from cute Anakins to earmarking Vaders in no time."
A diamond stud would be nice. Because tats are so permanent.
I was into earmarks WAY before they became big.
-Hipster Congressman-
Steve LaTourette??? Is he the one they named the syndrome after? Quite an honor.
One of my favorite cartoons by the late weirdo John Callahan: Two storefronts, side by side. The first is labelled "Tourette's Clinic." Next door, a pet shop with a big sign in the window: "All Parrots 50% Off"
That there is one of those gems that one has to think about a bit.
Guy wants to buy a parrot for his little niece but they're all too expensive. The pet store owner shows him one at a very good price, but says, "I've got to warn you: this parrot is so cheap because he was owned by a sailor, and he picked up a lot of sailor language. This might not be the best bird for a little girl." Guy says he doesn't care, the price is right, and he buys the bird.
He gets home, and from the moment he uncovers the cage, the parrot is cussing up a storm, screeching, "Eff this," and "MotherHubbard that," and nothing he can do will make it stop or say anything printable at all. He tries covering the cage, putting it in another room, everything he can think of but nothing works Finally, in a fit of frustration, he throws the parrot in the freezer chest in the pantry and walks off. After a few minutes, he calms down, realizes this is a tropical bird he locked in there, and goes to retrieve the parrot.
When he takes it out, the bird says, "I'm dreadfully sorry for my behavior. I will endeavor to amend my language. We will never have a situation like this again." The guy apologizes, too, and the parrot says, "If I can just ask one question: what, pray tell, did the turkey do??"
“You can’t get 218 votes and FUCK part of that has to be if BITCH you can’t give people anything, you can’t take COCKSUCKER anything away from them."
"I yield the remainder of my time to congressman SHIT CUNT PISS Rogers."
Earmarks are people too, my friend. If they're womynz people you can declare that you own them and they'll never go away, if they know what's good for them.
Is anyone watching Sarah Palin on The Today Show? Has she asked to see Al Roker's birth certificate yet?
No.
Let's see, I don't watch the morning "news" shows nor do I care to hear that horrid screeching voice that makes my ears bleed ever again, so no.
Thankfully, I am safely at work away from those teevee devices.
I thought you'd be all over this!
No way Chet! It is kinda funny that Levi waited until Sarah was on The Today Show to announce that he's having a baby with another teen girl though. Makes you wonder what bad news #3 is going to be.
Bears, obvs.
Soulless killing machines! The Number One threat to America!
Willow?
Oopsie, upon further review…..
Levi's new baby mama is 20, not a teen.
Probably only chronologically.
No shit? Hell Kathy Griffin was lucky she got outta there un-knocked up.
Is red hair dominant over brown?
Jesus, someone needs to teach these idiots how to use a condom.
How to have your cake and eat it too.
Earmarks are the lube of politics. [spit!] True Republicans don't need no lube. We're gonna take this country back bareback, y'all! [spit!]
They want to dryfuck us raw.
Snark aside, I think the GOPers just realized how bad their polling numbers are and the older ones know that Pork Barrel projects (even the stupid shitty ones) help locals feel that they are getting something from the gubbiment for their tax dollars. It's what keeps incumbents incumbents.
I'm sure that the "smarter" ones know that thanks to the Rombot's ascension to the preznit pretender throne, there is no real enthusiasm for the GOPers in 2012 so know it's pretty much every weasel for themselves.
The smartest thing O'Bammy could do would be to reveal and then grant all the love letters to him from various members of the house, (I'm looking at you, crazyeyes), for roads, schools, infrastructure in their districts. BAM! Jawbs, stimulus and mo' money for all!
"Love means never having to say 'earmarks'."
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
Palin's on NBC right now and Tori Spelling is going to be talking about her next baby. It's cartoons for adults!
To be fair to real cartoons, they don't drop my IQ 30 points unlike the banal stupidity of the Today show.
You realize that you just admitted to ALL of us you're watching the morning show with Sara Palin and are waiting to see her talk to Donna from 90210…..
Just doing research for Wonkette!!!!
Adults who have sustained brain damage by drinking out of bottles with skulls and crossbones on them, sure.
Yeah, I woke up this morning and was wondering what Victoria Spelling was thinking about.
A video of Al Roker's last colonoscopy would be more substantive.
Plus, they would able to confirm once and for all Jimmy Hoffa's whereabouts.
I heard, on NPR, this morning that morning show's host are generally individuals we don't mind being naked in front of. Now, for Sarah Palin, I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to even be naked…behind her. Unless, I could use my ten foot pole.
NPR says some stupid things, don't they?
You mean Ann Curry can see me???? She's pretty good at hiding her reactions.
Gak, it's worse than The View. Raising Confident Teenage Girls. That'll put the run on Katie, Sarah. "Bring it" indeed.
Tear marks for earmarks? The tracks of Boner's tears???
The tears of an assclown.
But, but,…. Scalia said that horse – trading like that makes a bill unconstitutional! Even if you remove the result of the horse-trade before final passage!
Scalia also said, "Let them have their earmarks. They're animals anyway, so let them lose their souls."
Scalia also quoted the Bible for the idea that righteous people don't flee justice, so a kid bolting at the sight of police is justification for the police to follow and seize anything the kid might drop on the way. He, the famous textualist, also leaned on 3rd party commentary 150 years after the passage of the Civil Rights Amendments which in turn leaned on non-Congressional sources of interpretation of the possible scope of said amendments to justify his revisionist views on the scope of the 2d Amendment (which views dealt with an issue (handguns) that arguably weren't even addressed by these tenuous sources). He fully supports Wickard v. Filburn as stare decisis when it allows the government to seize privately grown marijuana, but claims that the failure of people to buy adequate health insurance lacks a substantial impact on commerce, all economic evidence to the contrary notwithstanding. Oh, and being hunting buddies with Dick Cheney shouldn't have to be disclosed to the American people before you vote on making Cheney and his buddy W president, because nothing could influence such a stalwart as Scalia – no matter how many free jet rides and luxury vacations he's given by right wing groups.
In sum, Scalia is a piece of shit. But a loudmouthed, attitudinal piece of shit that somehow convinces idiots he's brilliant by being a braying ass. Newt Gingrich with a lifetime appointment.
Quality info there – I didn't know about some of that. Though I would add a friendly amendment that we should never speak of Scalia without the words “Lazy Hack who relies on Fox news and forwarded emails for information about bills before him, instead of actually reading them” appearing somewhere in the remarks. (tho I realize I violated this rule too.) —
I smell stale tobacco, cheap booze and fear on that man.
Boehner Rule Violation! Suggested for compliance:
I smell Triple Sec, Chesterfields, Drakkar Noir and fear on that man.
A thousand fists for a fucking Drakkar Noir reference, Chet!
The Boehner Rule states that any descriptions of the Speaker must specify the hard liquor, tobacco brand and after shave/cologne present. If just the thought of the combination of smells makes the reader hurl, you have "popped a Boehner."
And regret. nothing stinks like a Republican suddenly overcome with self-awareness.
Thankfully, that event is rare.
Absolutely! How are those elected officials supposed to get anything at all done for the good of this country without the ability to bribe their fellow lawmakers? Quid pro quo, Clarice. Quid pro quo.
Fava bean subsidies should be on the table.
These guys aren't even smart enough to realize that they're hypocrites. Amazing. I have long believed that congressmen should be elected for one six year term, and that they should be paid something like a million bucks a year. Then you might have a chance of getting someone with a fucking brain running for office. Until then you'll have 500+ Louie Gomerts.
500+ Louie Gomerts equals about 38 cents. Can I exchange my Gomerts for Ameros?
Aren't these fuckers in recess? And can we make them stay there until after the election?
There is something really wrong when you can sit and do nothing all day and still get recess.
That photo has clearly been doctored – Boehner is much more tangerine colored than that. Why does Wonkette hate Orange-Americans?!?
They should just stick to bribery. It's so much simpler and more effective.
I think they should try a wacky plot to trick Republicans and Earmarks into "accidentally" meeting each other at summer camp.
Starring Rep. Hayley Mills (R CA)… and Rep. Hayley Mills (R CA)!!!
Congress is standing outside earmark's house with a boom box, playing In Your Eyes in the rain.
I gave her 65 Million for a useless light rail system….and she gave me a pen.
That has all the earmarks of that busiest member of Congress, Ben Dover.
I guffawed. AAAAAA++++++ Would snark again!
The Ear Marxists are revolting!
You can say that again. They stink on ice!
Ear Marxist. Please make that stick.
From each according to his Venality! To each according to his Greed!
"if you can’t give people anything (earmarks), you can’t take anything away from them,"
Perhaps the mentality of "If we can't bribe them, we also can't threaten them" in regards to creating public policy is why our government sucks balls.
Also, of COURSE it's an Alabama rep whining about this – what a shock, the second fattest state (fuck you Mississippi) wants their pork back – and THEY are the assholes who started calling it PORK, now they can't get anything done? Whatever, Eric Cantor needs some cuts before he can do Emergency Tornado Management.
Check and mate mother-fuckers.
Why does Eric Cantor always look so weepy and sorrowful? Is it because of his unrequited self-love? The fact that try as he might, he can't quite manage to fuck himself?
Perchance it has something to do with the fact that he is a Kosher-Jewish-Person who hates government, poor people, functioning societies or agencies and likes to short sell America – but SOMEHOW took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and managed to end up in a government job where Poor People keep needing stuff and his buddies keep talking about how great Jesus is and how all our laws are founded on Jesus (even though behaving in a Christ-like manner is a socialist anathema to their party). That would bum me out too. Plus he's just a huge dickbag and that fact is written all over his face.
Sad Narcissist has a Sad, because noone else truly understands how wonderful he is, I was thinking.
BTW, how YOU doin?
I am better than I should be – but of course, I could be perfect – I could be on a boat somewhere drinking things that are bad for me and doing terrible (wonderful?) things to other people. How bout you?
I don't know, Cantor always looks like a smug asshole looking for somebody above his pay grade to fuck over, to me.
And don't our Southern Cousins take way more from the rest of the Union than they pay in taxes? I propose we appoint FakaktaSouth Southern Greenbacks Czar, to determine who actually deserves to get our money, since she knows all the cool people Down South.
You wouldn't believe how many buildings down here we have with Dick Shelby's name on them – you remember Dick, on the Banking committee fucking people over, holding Pres O's Nominees hostage all while being the #2 pork-taker in the ENTIRE Senate? Because we are smart? And yeah, Alabama is always in the top 10 for states getting more Federal money than we give, by about half a dollar. It has to do with the historically fundamental misunderstanding about government and what it is and does down here. Bunch of Pavlovian reactionaries with no brains. BUT my county (also Dick's home) will go for Pres O this year, just watch! WATCH I TELL YOU. It's gonna be so ugly. (I saw some "what is this Mormon stuff" on the teevee last night..and between that and the general hatred for Mitt from these Rs here, oh baby I'm loving it)
Mike Rogers — my congressman! I am so proud.
At Auburn, we feel the Shelby presence/presents. The worst, however, is Mike Hubbard Boulevard which ends at the Auburn airport. Mike is the state House Republican leader. It is not near the Caligula Memorial Football Stadium.
Repub cynicism is outrageous. They run on "smaller govt" and "reining in costs" and then the minute they get into power, they grow government like never before, turn a balanced budget into a deep deficit, and then pretend that administration (remember W?) never happened by the next election.
W? Oh yeah, that drunken frat boy with daddy issues.
W threw money around like the worst liberal, but I had to vote for him twice because Jesus.
I'm only hoping the twatwaffle's pearls have been clutched to pixie dust over this news.
If loving earmarks is wrong, I don't wanna be right!
If we're back to to "bribe the voters," then it's probably safe to say that the 2010 revolution has been quashed.
Kochtoberfest has been Kancelled.
What the fuck??? They can't fucking pass legislation based on it's own merit??? Fuck those fucking fuckstick fuckers (for Jan Brewer and company)
I use to have a cute little beagle-Irish setter mix puppy….I want him back.
people in hell, icewater yadda yadda yadda
Waaaaaaaaaaa, I want my corruption back, you guys are mean to us.
"Let's bring back earmarks!" "Yeah, yeah!"
"Let's bring back those virile, nubile congressional pages!" "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!"
"Let's bring back canes so we can go all Brooks/Sumner on those Democrat bastards!" "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!"
"Fuck. Let's bring back the Articles of Confederation!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…what?"
That cute divorced chick in the ad on the right should be weak and vulnerable, I sense prey, I want to hit on her.
Nothing will get back at your husband better than a emotionless no strings attached one night stand with a total stranger.
She is cute. Is that your ear behind her?
The Faire Queene Of Wistful Divorce does not consort with souls mired in this primitive plane. Not without her lawyer present.
Palin doesn't disappoint. From today's show:
"What I would advise the nominee, Mitt Romney, or whomever the nominee is: Don't necessarily play it safe and do just what the GOP establishment expects them to do," Palin said on NBC's "Today" show.
According to Palin, the expected route would be to "take somebody just kinda going along to get along, not willing to really shake it up, not willing to go rogue and shake it up and say that we need relentless and we need sudden reform of our government to put it back on the side of the people."
I sure hope Mitt gets his campaign strategy from the "Undefeated" Sarah Palin™.
‘Cause that worked out so well for the McCain/Palin team in ’08, dontcha know!
Why am I sensing heavy editing to make this screed semi-coherent?
If children always get what they want they grow up to be Republican congresscritters.
"I'm hopping mad that we can't get 218 votes. And that somehow we're not supposed to be seen as loving earmarks. I hope, Mr. Speaker, that you'll at least allow us to continue to accept bribes for our voting a particular way."
"Oh no! I accidentally took this speech out of the 'Wait 'til After the Election to Expose Ourselves as Complete Fucking Liars' folder!"
Well, totally clueless can sort of look like confidence if you squint as much as mama grizzled.
And run campaign ads claiming the Dems will bring about 'more government spending'.
"I dunno, it just isn't much fun anymore since they took away Earmarks."
The intellectual heavyweight from Alabama speaks out!
Are you certain that Mattera didn't interview a Boehner impersonator (or even Boehner, himself) thinking he was Bono?
And death panel creator Paul Ryan says, like, the cost of the Republican earmarks will be offset by more efficient methods of killing large numbers of poorz, who gobble up money that could be given to GOP legislators for their home district (Hooray). The truck exhaust trick just did not work well, and wasted expensive gasoline.
It must take some confidence to try your hand at being miss teenage pregnant abstinence spokesmodel before going back to beautician school.
“You can’t get 218 votes (out of 242 Republican House members) and part of that has to be if you can’t give people anything (earmarks), you can’t take anything away from them”
I can hear Princess Nancy's laughter all the way out on the West Coast…
Whoa!
These guys sound almost as mixed up as my Pandora Juvenile/Pat Boone station…
“You can’t get 218 votes (out of 242 Republican House members) and part of that has to be if you can’t give people anything (earmarks), you can’t take anything away from them,”
Why do all the votes have to be Republican votes?
They just can't stand the thought of talking to anyone but themselves. Or imagine having a conversation without a club in their hands.
This is what happens when Sarah's not around to say "thanks, but no thanks" to these shenanigans .
"Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, without our earmarks our future looks dim; can't stop lovin' those earmarks of mine…."
And that gentle breeze wafting through the Halls of Congress is the collective yawn of the Tea Party Caucus.
Too soon.
Jus_ This pisses me off to no end. All of this is happening because some idiot failed to take proper precautions. I'm talking to you, John McCain!
I honestly disliked that woman from the first time I saw her. I honestly hated her after she opened her yap.
You find new ways to make me fall in love with you, over and over again!
©Hallmark Shoebox Greetings
So did I , I was sitting with MrLimeylizzie and as soon as she started talking I said "They will lose the election, women will hate her". I meant smart women, of course.
Love you more, Chet!
Our family was all, unfortunately, together for a funeral during the Republican convention, and we were all dismayed when she gave her speech, especially my sister and sister-in-law. "They picked this bitch?" was the general sentiment.
I was gobsmacked by her speech at the convention, so mean-spirited and vile, I hated her as soon as he unveiled her in Iowa or wherever it was and she was , again, just bitchy and seemed small-minded.
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