Birther Metal Dude Dave Mustaine: Rick Santorum Would Be ‘A Really Cool President,’ ‘Like JFK’

  geek and destroy

Enter BlandmanHahahahahahahahaha, here is Megadeth’s (and Metallica’s) Dave Mustaine, last relevant when your editrix was a sophomore in high school, being really “hip” and “with-it” and “politically informed.” First: Obama is not an American (duh):

“I have a lot of questions about [President Obama], but certainly not where he was born,” Mustaine said. “I know he was born somewhere else than America.”

[...]

“How come [Obama] was invisible until he became, uh, whatever he was in Illinois?” he asked. (Obama was previously a senator.) “They don’t have any record of him.”

Well, Obama was also the president of Harvard Law Review, so some people had heard of him. So, that’s stupid. But far funnier than just yer typical brain-damaged Hessian japery is what comes next in Mustaine’s interview with Canadian radio host George Stroumboulopoulos, and that is the cool hipness of one Mr. Former Senator Rick Santorum:

He looks “like he could be a really cool president,” Mustaine explained, “kind of like a JFK kind of guy.” If “JFK kind of guy” means “extremist, paranoid, spitty, sneery, whiny, pouty, smegma-lipped, and totally itching for a new Inquisition,” then yeah, Rick Santorum is kind of like that.

[The Guardian]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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180 comments

  1. prommie

    I thought we weren't supposed to make fun of the developmentally disabled? Why do you dangle them before us, targets fit for no comment other than "who cares what that "R-word" thinks?

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I'm fairly certain at this point that it was Dave and not Cliff Burton that had his head crushed by that Metallica bus. Cliff is prob out there somewhere with Jim Morrison, laughing at us all.

    2. Crank_Tango

      I believe these fellers were referred to in a lawsuit (Megadeath v. Megadeth) as "dunderheads who don't know how to spell"…does that help?

      I can't believe googles won't help me in my search. Has google broked?

    1. anonymousofficezombie

      Mustaine was a lot more sane back in the days when he was still on his own strange, exotic cocktail of illicit drugs. Then he sobered-up and found Jesus. Big mistake.

      1. HELisforHEL

        So he replaced one drug with another, makes sense.
        What an idiot (unsurprisingly), also.

  2. freakishlywrong

    Yep. When I look and listen to Santorum, I think "JFK" As in; Jesus Fucking Krazy..

        1. horsedreamer_1

          BAAAAARRRRR-GAINS!
          Imprisoning me!
          All I see… Absolute Savings!
          Such a great deal!
          Such a great find!
          Damn!
          These jeans look sexy as hell!

  3. mavenmaven

    All the dumb right wing posing will not make 13 a good or relevant album, try another tactic, loser.

  4. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Sarah, meet Bristol's new boyfriend. Despite the earrings, ripped jeans and long hair, he's a conservatard, and very traditional in his values. You two will have sooo much to talk about.

    1. HELisforHEL

      Despite the earrings, ripped jeans and long hair, he's a conservatard, and very traditional in his values.

      Around these parts, the ripped jeans and long hair are part of the conservatard costume.

  5. ifthethunderdontgetya

    To give Metallica a tiny bit of credit, they did kick Brainedead Dave out.

    Having said that, they all should be skullfucked. By someone else's private parts.

    Wonkette is harshing my boner this morning.
    ~

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Seriously, there is nothing here that I can masturbate to today. To whom can I turn?

  6. NewtsChicknNeck

    for a bunch of people who hate hollywood, republicans have a funny way of showing it. electing reagan and the terminator. constantly shoving down our throats any bit part actor, obscure musician, or extra from gone with the wind with nazi sympathies as notable republican celebrities.

    1. RedneckMuslin

      Rupert from Survivor is running for senator of Indiana as a Libertarian. The Republicans don't have all the Hollywood elite. So there.

    2. prommie

      Sonny Fucking Bono. And now, Mrs. Sonny Fucking Bono, who is only has-been-famous by injection.

    3. Biff

      Like that blonde bimbo from SNL, the one famous for being a passenger in a car driven over a cliff by a fucking cat?

      1. doloras

        I thought she was most famous for playing the romantic lead in that "Weird Al" Yankovic movie.

    4. Tundra Grifter

      Don't forget one of the first entertainers turned politicians (not counting Governor "You Are My Sunshine" Davis or Gentleman Jimmy Walker) – Sen. George Murphy from California!

  7. SorosBot

    Yeah, the sweatervest-wearing, sex-hating, misogynist dweeb would be a "really cool president". Fuck, even Steve Urkel is cooler than Santorum.

    1. redarmyzombie

      See, I like Urkel. If Urkel were here today, as a 20something like myself, I would consider going out with him.

      Santorum's like…a used dildo that's been left out too long and started crusting over. (God damn, I'm petty today aren't I?)

  8. larryfinexx

    Either Bevis or Butthead used to wear a Metallica T-shirt. I forgot which one, but interview them both to see who they support.

      1. Baconzgood

        I have to say. They never made fun of any of the bands I like videos. So they are kinda cool for that.

        1. Chichikovovich

          I always thought B&B tended to have pretty good taste, once you got off the predictable ones (Gwar). And if it weren't for them I'd have never heard of Reverend Horton Heat. So they're 100% OK in my book.

          1. Baconzgood

            They said once about Pavement "This band sucks. They should try harder like the Jesus Lizard"

          2. horsedreamer_1

            They also said, "The Jesus Lizard sucks, but they kick ass!"

            I still think Beavis offered the most lucid criticism of both Prodigy & Korn, though. & I love Korn.

  9. WigFlipper

    I was a party one time and this guy came up to me saying he sees me all the time waiting for the bus and he would always think I look like Dave Mustaine cuz of the mullet I was rocking for some reason at the time and I took it as a pretty sweet compliment but then I heard that Mustaine is a 'bagger, so that's too bad and I probably shouldn't have had a mullet back then either.

        1. SorosBot

          Poison is just awesome, man You'll have to recognize that every rose it's thorn, just like every night has it's dawn, and every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.

          1. __kth__

            In fairness, Poison weren't really metal, just glam rock like all the other tepid and banal followers of the great New York Dolls. But "real" metal is indeed really terrible; apart from Slayer (maybe), there isn't a single band that one can admire unironically.

          2. GOPCrusher

            FUCKING SLAYER OWNS, BITCHES!

            And Norwegian death metal bands are pretty hardcore too.

          3. Biff

            I was dating an older woman when they were relevant, she tried to get me to attend the Ratt/Poison show when it came to her town. I politely declined, she impolitely dumped my ass.

            Women, amirite?

            ETA: When Poison was relevant, not the older woman. Jesus.

          4. actor212

            There was a special on hair metal over the weekend on VH-1 Classic, which basically said if you were a guy who wanted to get laid in the 1980s, you went to hair metal concerts.

            Which backs up my experiences, to be sure.

            In other words, dude, you missed a sure thing.

      1. actor212

        Megadeath is to heavy metal what Sarah Palin is to John McCain's legacy.

        Heavy metal: good. Hair metal: BLECK! YECCH! PTUI! BAD BOT! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD BOT!

        Now, allow me to hook you up to our electrodes for your re-education…

    1. HELisforHEL

      We used to called bands like these 'Pussy Rock'; most the folks we encountered who played it were Joan Crawfordesque supreme primadonnas of the first order, only with larger makeup kits and higher heels.
      There's some stuff that's kind of cool, but to my ears so many of the songs appeared to be whiny things created as pentatonic-hammer-on-laced unmelodic guitar solo delivery systems.

    2. GOPCrusher

      The big hair bands of the 80's are not to be confused with heavy metal.
      That's like comparing polka to gangsta rap.

  10. PuckStopsHere

    These modern musical types ain't exactly "Country Joe and the Fish," are they? If they had a Woodstock, nobody would get high. Or laid, even.

  11. ManchuCandidate

    I’m an axe grinder, big whiner
    Mama says that I never, never mind her
    Got no brains, I'm insane
    The teacher says that I'm one big pain
    I'm like a shitter, sixth string loser
    I've got a mouth from a regurgitator
    I want nuttier, less Nearer
    I'm gonna spread it till it strikes the hour

    Bang your head
    Santorum will drive you mad
    Bang your head
    Santorum will drive you mad

  12. ttommyunger

    "And, like, Santorum is really cool and stuff, and Obama is all like: 'I'm the President and you're not' and shit like that and Santorum is all down with the good stuff and Obama wasn't even born in America and all and I'm all like 'Fuck Obama, big time.' 'cause I think Santorum is a really cool guy and all." ….Sure Dave, Ted Nugent is holding on line one and Pat Boone is on two.

  13. hagajim

    I find it interesting that Dave Mustane and Megadeth became completely irrelevent about the time Dave Mustane became a born again – and even more important – cleaned up the haze in his brain enough to show the world he doesn't have one.

  14. nounverb911

    "“kind of like a JFK kind of guy.”
    Is Santorum going to schtup the ghost of Marilyn Monroe?

          1. snoopyfan2010

            I don't get it. She is a single mother who supports people who demonize women like her? On the positive side, she likes the Oreo longhorns so I'm safe.

    1. smitallica

      Wow. Goin' WAY back to the wall for the Gorky Park reference! Well played.
      "Bang bang! Blah blah blah-de-blah…" That's all I remember. They were no Autograph.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        I heard Stryper doing a Black Sabbath cover recently (Heaven and Hell). iTunes seems to imply that they did an entire album of metal covers. What a world.

  15. donner_froh

    . Metallica's former guitarist staked out his paranoid, far-right credentials in an interview with Canadian chat show host George Stroumboulopoulos.

    That's easy for you to say…

      1. SayItWithWookies

        They always cut off the last few seconds of that. Or so I found out when I saw some cheap documentary whose only interesting part was that it showed the entire footage — yikes.

    1. smitallica

      BrainSTEM. Forensic analysis of the Zapruder film clearly shows that most of the damage was to the cerebral cortex, specifically in the frontal and occipital lobe areas. Sheesh.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Well, although "vocal" and "oral" are related terms, I don't think that they are interchangable here.

  16. prommie

    I am waiting to hear who is going to get the Juggalo vote. Then I will have one of those sodas they all love.

    1. Beowoof

      Maybe they could do a metal version of I almost lost my mind. Oh wait they have both lost their minds.

  17. boobookitteh

    I just can't even address this many levels of stupid on a Monday morning.

    But the thought of Ricky fucking an intern in the WH swimming pool as JFK is alleged to have done pretty much every day of his Presidency does make me chuckle. And then gag. And then feel sorry for the intern.

  18. sbj1964

    JFK & Rick Santorum alike? Why because they are both white,Male,Catholic,brunnet? One Minor difference JFK was boning Marylin Monroe,and Rick is just a Boner.

  19. Doktor StrangeZoom

    I just like that there's a heavy metal band named after the briefing binder that George C Scott was clutching in the War Room.

    I wouldn't want to let Dave Mustaine see the Big Board, though.

  20. Limeylizzie

    OT Another 5-4 decision by SCOTUS, no not that one, it's about strip searching new prisoners.

  21. Jerri

    The best thing about Dave Mustaine is imagining him telling his live-in stylist/girlfriend how she should cut and feather his bangs. (You know he puts some thought into it.)

  22. elviouslyqueer

    Um, Dave? When Quiet Riot instructed everyone to "Bang Your Head," I don't think they meant for you to take it so literally.

  23. Maman

    Jesus, I really hate stupid people. Plus the thought that I am going to start getting those "who really is Barack Obama" emails from my family makes me want to vomit.

  24. Exhausted66

    “I know he was born somewhere else than America.” READ MORE »

    I thought you were pleading with him.

  25. dadanarchist

    “How come [Obama] was invisible until he became, uh, whatever he was in Illinois?” he asked.

    Invisible? I thought he was blackety black black ebony panther blackety black, as I am reminded every morning by conservatives with their oogie-boogie/watermelon photos when I open the twatter machine.

  26. smashedinhat

    And there you have it, again. Melt enough brain cells and you'll fit right in with the far right crazies.

  27. An_Outhouse

    Paging Tipper Gore! Paging Tipper Gore! This as evidence that certain types of music causes brain damage. Break out the parental warning stickers.

  28. ElPinche

    Who is Barack Obama? He's your daddy. He's leader of the free world who bit the head off the snake of terrorism. Who is Mustang Whatshisface? Some 80s throw back who's been hanging around Steppenwolf at bowling alley gigs for the last 20 years. Fuck off.

  29. randcoolcatdaddy

    I guess people can't find any record of him because they can't find him on the Googles.

  30. CommieLibunatic

    Rick Santorum could be "a really cool president" "like JFK?" What the fucking fuck is he fucking talking about!? My nightmares of cosmic doom are more lucid than that!

  31. HelmutNewton

    Just think about how many brain cells Mustaine has killed over the years. I mean, when you get kicked out of *Metallica* for drinking too much, you know you must be a real out-of-control drunk.

  32. Biff

    How the hell is it that, almost 2 hours into this thread, the phrase
    WHERE'S THE DETH CERTIFICATE?
    is still available?
    You're really slipping, fellow Wonketeers…

  33. larrykat

    When you're fired from a young Metallica for being TOO MUCH of a DRUNK, you know you are a world-class drunk. I sure hope this little dust-up buries what little is left of this moron's career. There is always Spinal Tap 2.

  34. lulzmonger

    ♬ Exit riiiiiiiight
    ♪ Enter bliii-ii-iight
    ♪ Take Dave's hand …
    ♬ Off to Banjostaniland!

    ♪♪♪♪♪-♬ ♪♪♪♪♪-♬ ♪♪♪♪♪-♬

  35. GOPCrusher

    His career really went in the toilet after he transferred to USC from Arkansas. Never played QB again.

  36. Boojum

    Rebecca,

    You seem to have certain definite facts about Santorum being smegma lipped. What is the source of this undoubtedly true, but probably private thing? Is it his breath?

  37. PinkoTuscadero

    Mustaine has always been a despicable human so this comes as no big shock!!! What a douche.

  38. glamourdammerung

    “How come [Obama] was invisible until he became, uh, whatever he was in Illinois?” he asked.

    One hint: The answer is the same as "why were you in rehab?"

  39. FieryLocks

    Of course Dave Mustaine would think Rick Ass Ooze would be a good president.
    Mustaine is a Born Again Skull Fucked By Christianity type now.

  40. horsedreamer_1

    This was foreshadowed by the title of Megadeth's '89 (I think) album Peace Sells… But Who's Buying?. So, of course, the lyricist for such a piece of art would support the party of perpetual war.

    Conversely, once Thursday (who released '03's War All the Time) finished adjusting their mascara, they announced their endorsement of the Democratic ticket.

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