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forget it jake it's nightmaretownAccording to his colleagues there is a Democrat out there in the desert and he is fucking pissed! It isn’t his evil Democrat ways of spreading free condoms to children and defecating on Catholic churches’ doorsteps that has them spooked. It’s his anger. By now conservatives are used to dealing with the arsenal of liberal love and hippie tactics that are designed to oppress the rich, but when someone actually lashes out in potentially marijuana-fueled tirades, the shit hits the fan. This isn’t just another fully baked desert chaka that made his way to the city, this is Representative Daniel “Fuck You” Patterson, D-Nightmares. Yup, in Arizona, even the Democrats are crazy!

His colleagues are piling up allegations forcing Patterson to take the honey badger approach of not giving a shit. A police investigation of “Fuck You” Patterson shows previous outbursts and alleged acts of violence on his campaign manager/live-in girlfriend. “Fuck You” says he isn’t guilty. His campaign managing girlfriend has since gone public with accusations of dragging her out of her car when she tried to leave their home during an argument. Previous history shows a pattern of battery based on a restraining order from his estranged wife stating he was violent. This is not your average dope smoking politician. In turn, lawmakers have had no choice but to consider throwing him out over allegedly admitting to smoking marijuana regularly and having sex with lobbyists; a rare combination in Arizona that has lawmakers gripping their sidearms in terror.

Re-election time is coming up and it looks as though Mr. Patterson is one campaign manager shy, so he has taken it upon himself to announce suspension of his campaign. Mr. Patterson has made it clear that with so many bitches around him it is hard to unclench his fist long enough to fit a pen in his hand to resign. He isn’t sorry either. So, what’s a fella to do when he runs out of women to beat? Mr. Patterson Tweeted, “I want to focus on family, break from politics.” He didn’t stop there. He is on a Twitter crusade to point out that everyone on the ethics committee, investigators and some attorney named Mike Manning are all wrong.

Patterson recently Tweeted, “Manning report had pre-determined political outcome; based on lies & slams by politicians, lobbyists & lawyers.” Patterson is very familiar with various types of slams and knows when a lobbyist is fucking him, so his resident expertise helps him to see things nobody else can.

What’s next for Mr. Patterson? He is switching teams. He’s going (I) from now on. That’s usually where Democrats go after they punch themselves in the dick too many times.

He has scared his colleagues and they don’t want to be around him. One of his Democrat colleagues, Rep. Margaret “Lynne” Pancrazi, is scared shitless. “I have made a habit of keeping a weapon near me when I sleep. I fear for my safety at the Capitol and have requested additional security.”

Attorney Manning wants him gone, his colleagues want him gone, his ex’s don’t want him, he calls colleagues names like “Asshole” and “Prick” and he angrily forces females who don’t agree into corners. Can you imagine if this guy didn’t smoke weed? “Fuck You” Patterson has until April 10th to answer allegations of smoking marijuana and kicking some serious ass all over the place. He doesn’t give a shit.

Here’s the Patterson investigation. Don’t give a shit. [TPM]

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