DO IT TO US ONE MORE TIME  4:49 pm March 31, 2012

Here Is Your Latest Obama Speech, For You To Fap To

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

After the week we’ve had, go ahead and treat yourself. Stripping starts at about 4:30. Then it gets even better. Tell us again, Barack, about the great things in the Affordable Care Act. Again. Again! [CSPAN, via Slog]

 
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{ 370 comments }

Lucidamente1 March 31, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Fair Editrix, you're the best.

Tundra Grifter April 1, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Way to suck up to the new boss!

BarackMyWorld March 31, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Bow chicka wow wow…

SexySmurf March 31, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I like the part where he almost calls Rick Santorum a cracker.

sullivanst March 31, 2012 at 6:11 pm

What, you've never heard of crah people?

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Whiggers Whigs Wha people

DrunkIrishman March 31, 2012 at 5:00 pm

These Republicans ain't got nothin.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 31, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Amazing how they've parlayed that into a selling point.

Crank_Tango April 1, 2012 at 12:15 am

having something is elitist.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 1, 2012 at 6:13 am

With the exception of cash. And Cadillacs.

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 9:07 am

Strip club VIP & Mitt Rmoney supporter Bob Ritchie libel!!!

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Cadillacs is the first choice of Welfare Queens, so it's still reverse-elitist, or some shit.

yyyaz April 1, 2012 at 8:08 am

Especially melanin.

CthuNHu March 31, 2012 at 5:00 pm

He had me at "Vermont."

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 6:46 pm

"New Hamster" has the sadz.

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 1:20 am

Vermont should change their state motto to "Live Free and Live" just to piss off those teabaggin' bastards next door. Vermont is kind of the perfect rebuttal to that Paulian bullshit they shovel next door, lately. Love New hampshire, but they done gone and lost their mind.

JustPixelz April 1, 2012 at 9:59 am

I lived in Vermont for ten years. Whenever the Air National Guard jets flew off to the east, I wondered if the balloon had finally gone up and New Hampshire was attacking. "Live Free And Die" indeed.

DrunkIrishman March 31, 2012 at 5:00 pm

HOW DARE CSPAN CUT AWAY FROM THE GREAT GRETCHEN MORGENSON TO BROADCAST SOME, UH, SPEECH FROM AN UNKNOWN BLACK GUY?

Texan_Bulldog March 31, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I'm not going to say she's unattractive. I'm just going to assume she's still in transition.

DrunkIrishman March 31, 2012 at 5:01 pm

And why is Obama in Vermont?!? Is he scared of losing their 2 electoral votes?

Oh boy.

Wile E. Quixote March 31, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Actually they have three electoral votes, one for each senator and one for their sole representative in the House. Sorry, the political science major in me rarely gets a chance to pipe up.

DrunkIrishman April 1, 2012 at 3:47 am

I know. I was being a smart ass because Vermont is sooo small.

NO PENIS JOKES.

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 9:08 am

I thought Chuck Todd had hacked your IntenseDebate account.

JustPixelz April 1, 2012 at 10:06 am

And, as a matter of democratic principles, each of those electoral votes represents about 200,000 citizens. Whereas each of California's 55 electoral votes represent 700,000 people. It's crazy.

KennyFuckingPowers March 31, 2012 at 5:03 pm

My man! Jan. 20th 2013 road trip to Ben's Chilli Bowl again. Party down. Put the feedbag on. Big ass chilli dog.

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 5:03 pm

He's so fine, doda lang, doda lang, lang, lang.

If I were a queen
and he asked me to leave my throne,
I'd do anything that he asked
just to make him my own,
'cause he's so fine,
so fine, so fine, so fine.

(Can I have some Wonkettes to back me up?)

Chichikovovich March 31, 2012 at 5:37 pm

(Can I have some Wonkettes to back me up?)

She's not lying, Mr. President. She'd do that.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 31, 2012 at 5:42 pm

She's clearly a more dedicated campaign supporter than Meat Loaf

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Sí, yo puedo.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I'll back you up, my love, in any way, shape or form…

Barb March 31, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Lizzie, where the heck have you been? I am so upset that I could scream! Johnny Depp is on my husband's company's property. He's filming a Lone Ranger and Tonto movie. Did Jeff ask me to go to work with him today? NO!

I chored my fingers to the bone all day. The house is spotless and I am cooking a wonderful dinner and Jeff waited until I was done to tell me. I'm going to work with him on Tuesday, if he will let me.

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 6:49 pm

I'm going to work with him on Tuesday, if he will let me

Soundz like you needz to work him over for not taking you to work with him today, woman!!!

Barb March 31, 2012 at 7:07 pm

It's too late for today, Flaming. He's on his way home. I'm going to be super perky this weekend while he is off from work. I've got to learn to say "Jeff, your mother is the most interesting woman I've ever met" without laughing.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Sorry, baby, I suggest you go to the movie set and lurk, Mr Depp and Vanessa Paradis are separated apparently, so there may be hope for you. I am not a huge fan of Mr Depp, as sex object, being more besotted by Sami Frey-he's still gorgeous and he has that French-Jew thing going which, for me , is just perfection and fits in perfectly with my French Reistance porn…. http://www.cinemotions.com/modules/Artistes/fiche

Barb March 31, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I hear that the cast and crew are being really nice to the Native Americans. I'm going to call Jeff's secretary, Winona and ask her if she will pretend that I am her lover, "dances with beaver" to get on the set.

trampndirtdown March 31, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Jean has a long mustache.

Loaded_Pants March 31, 2012 at 9:37 pm

In the case of Sami Frey, I can see why. Not too shabby-looking, that fellow.

But I do think Depp looks pretty good for 48 even without make up. He looks better than most of the guys who I know who are my age.

redarmyzombie March 31, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Barb,

I am so, so, so, so, so, so fucking jealous right now, I want to grab my monitor and throw it through my window. You realize you are going to have to meet the man on our behalf now, right?

Barb March 31, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Red, where are you located? You know I am super shy and cannot do this on my own.

Jeffer April 1, 2012 at 3:26 am

The compound that Depp is in is down a dirt road and guarded tighter than Romney's magic undies. Trust me, If I could get near the place I'd take Barb in a heartbeat.

Jukesgrrl April 1, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Well, it's his loss for not meeting you two boss groovers.

sullivanst March 31, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Haha… nice little dig at Christie there, in his praise of Peter Shumlin: "When disaster struck, he was there".

We all know who was vacationing in Florida ;)

Wile E. Quixote March 31, 2012 at 9:32 pm

We all know who was vacationing in Florida ;)

Do you know who else liked to vacation in Florida? OK, I don't, I mean I got nothing here, I just never get a chance to make a "Do you know who else…" post.

trampndirtdown March 31, 2012 at 10:10 pm

J Edgar and his boy toy?

CthuNHu March 31, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Bebe Rebozo?

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:31 am

Nah, he lived there. It was his boy toy, Tricky Dicky, who liked to vacation there.

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:33 am

Half of the NYC population of the Hebewic persuasion?

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 9:52 am

Nice catch there. I watched the speech and missed it. I get a daily summary of a lot of the local news from New Jersey. The announcements of Christie's trips are usually a couple days in advance. This gives me the opportunity, depending on the temperature, to go through the days and tell people "Christie is leaving the state, buy snow shovels/sand bags."

weej_bain March 31, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Sniff, I'm in love again.

Millennial Malaise March 31, 2012 at 10:25 pm

He makes it so damn easy.

OC_Surf_Serf March 31, 2012 at 5:09 pm

beep…beep…Citizens Under Maher report: “Romney only wants to be President so he has somewhere to live while he is renovating all his other homes”…beep…we now return you to your normally scheduled tofu burgers and abortions…

the_problem_child March 31, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I think I'm gonna want my cat toothbrush for this one. (The one that fits on my finger just so.)

WordSaladNation March 31, 2012 at 5:15 pm

That's a really beautiful—and, I assume, expensive—watch. ELITIST.

Chichikovovich March 31, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Pretty suspicious. A guy like that. Nice watch. I wonder where he stole it from.

An_Outhouse March 31, 2012 at 6:13 pm

him and his hoodie gettin' down in the 'hood.

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I was hoping it was off the wrist of a dead Wall Street banker.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:15 am

You're just trying to give me a long-distance organism, aren'tcha?

JWDTucker March 31, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I think that's the Secret Service watch his bodyguards got him for his birthday. Not that pricy, but most people don't get the chance to buy one.
Of course, not only do the people who spend all day following Barry around get him nice things, but he wears them (unlike several dozen Christmas jumpers mouldering in my wardrobe).

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 6:53 pm

MrLimeyLizzie just admired his shirt.

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I noticed he was wearing one of those working man's t-shirts under the shirt, the one which I forget what they call it but it has a deep u-shaped neck and shoulder straps without sleeves.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 7:26 pm

That sounds like a women's tank top…

HuddledMass March 31, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Wifebeaters, geez.

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I haz the embarassment.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:16 am

Those ain't wifebeaters. Wifebeaters are the ones that have little sleeves that you can stick a pack of fags in when you roll em up a little. No?

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 10:03 am

I'm totally convinced he gets his shirts tailored. Mrs. Curley says he doesn't or else they would be closely fitted to his waist. But there is no way his collar and shoulders hang so well without tailoring. For a guy who was born in 1961 and did not get out of school until the 80's, every dress attire he wears it pre-80's, just barely follows fashions in ties. 100% John T. Molloy.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Michelle says he buys all his clothes off the rack, and she has to nag the shit out of him to get anything replaced. He used to get his shoes resoled every time they got holes in them because he so hates to shop. I remember seeing pix of him with his shoes on a desk and they had holes in the soles. I also remember some off-the-rack mens' clothier bragging about how he bought his suits from them. Maybe that's changed now that he's the Prez.

weej_bain March 31, 2012 at 5:25 pm

/ leaps from chair in wild 'n crazy applause

doloras March 31, 2012 at 5:30 pm

HELLO VERMONT! Did he get lost backstage like Spinal Tap?

An_Outhouse March 31, 2012 at 6:15 pm

No. He really was in Vermont. He didn't know where, but he got the state right.

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 9:14 am

The fourteen-fifty-seventh state!

DahBoner April 1, 2012 at 11:36 am

We love you Montpelier, City by The Bay!!!

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 12:37 pm

No, but they did have trouble with one of the props.

doloras March 31, 2012 at 5:31 pm

"… and no-one rocks like (checks notes on back of hand) Burlingford!"

An_Outhouse March 31, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I went to grad school there. I loved Burlingford! or Burlington or whatever.

ElPinche April 1, 2012 at 11:13 am

I love their coat factories. LONDON FOG!! FUCK YEAH!

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub March 31, 2012 at 6:34 pm

We salute you, our half inflated dark lord!

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:17 am

Judging from his wife's smiles, he's TOTALLY inflated where he needs to be.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:37 pm

At such tour stops as this, I'm always reminded of the wicked Wilson Pickett's intro to "Everybody Needs Somebody":

"I'm so glad to be here tonight. I'm glad to be in your wonderful city."

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 9:46 pm

… in your wonderful city, don't ask me to remember what it's called.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Hey, it was Wilson Pickett. All is forgiven.

Extemporanus March 31, 2012 at 5:32 pm

This is what it sounds like when TelePrompters come.

doloras March 31, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"I'm here…" (thirty seconds hooping and hollering)
"… maybe I should quit while I'm ahead".

LOL

Doktor StrangeZoom March 31, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I'd watch the whole thing, but I have to go pick up the kid so we can go watch that movie they made of Paul Ryan's Budget plan The Hunger Games

finallyhappy March 31, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I really liked it- saw it the first day- and I never see movies the first day(and I am an older(er) person)

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Probably better you got it done. This week the theater will be filled with people who have already seen it seven times and say the dialogue aloud.

arihaya April 2, 2012 at 8:48 am

The Hunger Games, or as some friends call it "Battle Royale with Hillbillies"

Beowoof March 31, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Yeah, this guy probably has his hoodie out in his Escalade with some coke and ho's.

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Where would that vehicle be parked? Address, please.

UW8316154 April 1, 2012 at 9:59 am

And you just know there's a pack of Newports on the seat somewhere.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 10:10 am

Coke and Ho-hos? Where's my Flexpen?

Mumbletypeg March 31, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Props for mentioning Melissa Jenkins. This man has researched his host community well. I'n not surprised, just perpetuating my awe at his taking the graciousness factor beyond what's called for.

gullywompr March 31, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Unsnarkable. Little preview of the thunderous excitement we are going to see at the DNC convention. The man is clearly unbeatable. Here's hoping he carries the House with him this time, so he can finish the job. However, I am looking forward to seeing who this year's new crop of laughable losers of the ilk of Christine O'Donnell, Carl Paladino, and Sharron Angle will be – it's getting a little late in the game for them to come out of the woodwork, I guess Santorum is sucking up all their oxygen at the moment.

Wile E. Quixote March 31, 2012 at 9:28 pm

No way man. Dame Peggy Noonington told me that President Obama is going to lose and that we're all "yeah, like whatever" when it happens. I'll bet that no one is going to show up for the 2012 DNC because all of the excitement will be happening in Tampa. I can already feel the Mittmentum!

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Please, please, let's get Joe Walsh on that list of laughable losers.

fuflans April 1, 2012 at 12:52 am

baby i'm trying. i've spent so much of the last 2 months with tammy…

i encourage all of you to support tammy. even you know, $3.

ThundercatHo April 1, 2012 at 8:02 am

Been busy lately so somehow I missed this. Tammy Duckworth is going up against deadbeat dad? Srsly? Where do I send my money?

HistoriCat April 1, 2012 at 10:07 am
fuflans April 1, 2012 at 11:16 am

here's her campaign.

it's b/c of redistricting. he chose to go up against her instead of another republican.

it's a left leaning district.

Jukesgrrl April 1, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I'm so pleased to know a Wonket is campaigning for Tammy.I wish her all the best and I await the lawsuit demanding she not be allowed to say she she's a veteran.She's on one of those collection things I get in via E-mail, so I will shoot over a donation.It will be small since I didn't hit the Megamillions, but I know every dollar counts.Especially the court-ordered ones that deadbeat Dads bail on.

the_problem_child March 31, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I may have misheard, but did he suggest that America should be developing electric batteries? Those would useful, for when my finger gets tired.

rocktonsam March 31, 2012 at 6:17 pm

finger gets tired?
oh wait, I get it.

HA

Biff March 31, 2012 at 11:13 pm

I remember LS/MFT=Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco, or…

JustPixelz April 1, 2012 at 10:12 am

Or call Obama's new socialist Department of Internal Affairs.

DahBoner April 1, 2012 at 11:40 am

At least you're not waiting for Bush' green dream….

…switchgrass-powered dildos.

Schmannnity March 31, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Gingrich's reaction: appalling, disgraceful.

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Gingrich: appaling, disgraceful.

/fixed

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Grotesque.

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 1:25 am

Santorum's reaction: What a blah near snob!

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:19 am

So you think Santorum DID say it?

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 10:15 am

I haven't found a vid that wasn't even slightly edited. Nothing that doesn't look like someone's low res cell phone. Strange that there isn't a 'press' quality video. Is Santorum controlling his press coverage better than Romney? So I'm reserving judgment. I'm sure Kieth Olbermann will get to the bottom of it.

coolhandnuke March 31, 2012 at 6:01 pm

As a nocturnal narcoleptic nymphomaniac, my nether regions are not negotiable to this afternoon delight.

Tundra Grifter March 31, 2012 at 6:04 pm

"Fap" – Fondle Appendage Playfully?

Do girls fap, too?

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I had a weird conversation once, about what the universal symbol would be for girl masturbation , this was among about 5 women, and we all came up with completely different symbols and different methods, more than one way to skin a cat, I suppose.

gullywompr March 31, 2012 at 7:03 pm

"Skinning the cat", now there's one I haven't heard before.

RadioStalingrad March 31, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Proprietary Pussy Protocol.

DahBoner April 1, 2012 at 11:41 am

ISO-9069?

Tundra Grifter April 1, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Sylvester said that once. "What am I saying – I HATE that expression!"

Tundra Grifter April 1, 2012 at 5:28 pm

"Doing your own thing?"

Or is that just too hippie?

Fare la Volpe March 31, 2012 at 7:03 pm

They schlick.

Chet Kincaid March 31, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Is that the sound you make when you pinch both of your cheeks and smack them against your face to simulate intercourse? I always thought that was "schmeck-schmeck-schmeck…"

At any rate, the other female masturbatory options would be "bzzzzzzzz" or silent, wouldn't they?

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 9:14 pm

I was thinking of the female version of this.
http://files.myopera.com/bcdc/blog/Wanker.jpg

RadioStalingrad March 31, 2012 at 9:37 pm

They Schick.

gullywompr March 31, 2012 at 7:25 pm

"You're soaking in it."

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Oh, Madge, you're a hot ticket is what you are.

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 10:03 pm

What else are you supposed to do with a girl boner?

gullywompr March 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm
Steverino247 March 31, 2012 at 11:27 pm

He's a good President. And thorough.

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:40 am

"and then everybody masturbated furiously into a vat of molten copper."

Thanks for making me miss Sara late on a Saturday night. Alone. By myself. Brb!

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:20 am

Mine does. 'Cept she sometimes ends up with lube instead of gel in her hair. (short-sighted and forgetful.)

Tundra Grifter April 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm

So there IS something about Mary?

Dashboard Buddha April 1, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I was told that they "diddled".

Callyson March 31, 2012 at 6:06 pm
weej_bain March 31, 2012 at 7:02 pm

here, here

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Hear, hear, also, too!

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Too many caw-cay-juns.

rocktonsam March 31, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Hey Mittens, take notes, this IS leadership.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Fuckin' A man. Or woman, as the case may be?

Mumbletypeg March 31, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Say, you know who else *rolled up his sleeves* to address their shared "vision for the country" before an adoring crowd?

littlebigdaddy March 31, 2012 at 6:32 pm

No, but did he say "ein volk ein reich ein führer"?

So Tired March 31, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Heckuvajob Brownie?

rocktonsam March 31, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Haley Barbour?

Wile E. Quixote March 31, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Well with Haley it was just so he didn't get slops on his cuffs before he plunged his head into the trough.

nounverb911 March 31, 2012 at 6:53 pm

John Galt?

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 7:01 pm
glamourdammerung March 31, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Christian conservative Adolph Hitler?

Nevermind, his goons never told him to roll up his sleeves to "look busy".

What was that guy's name the Republicans keep insisting never existed? Oh yeah, alleged President G.W. Bush?

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Notice how none of the tumblers out of this season's clown car have clamored for his endorsement? Nay, even mentioned the name that shall not be spoken? At least they're somewhat in touch with reality.

glamourdammerung April 1, 2012 at 12:00 am

I would think quite a few have been working for the Hitle-oh, uhm, yeah.

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 9:19 am

It's all about Jeb. Who would have been the real threat at a brokered convention. (Not, y' know, that one lady, with the tee-vee show)

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Snowbilly?

redarmyzombie March 31, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Genghis Khan?

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 9:30 am

That guy who went to West Berlin in the 60's and told everyone he was a Doughnut.

Mumble_JustSayYesOta March 31, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Eh.. "good teachers," "great teachers," "no more teaching-to-the-test." Your education secretary & crony from Chicago Arne Duncan is keeping up the very same metrics that amount to teaching to the test, with the instructional "creativity & flexibility" you speak of veritably sidelined in the process. I *hope* you'll put your words to action on the ideals you describe, Mr. President!

Chet Kincaid March 31, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I hear a lot of people complaining about "teaching to the test", including Mrs. Kincaid, but I never hear any specifics about what teachers should teach instead, or how you would then determine if students have learned. I am genuinely interested, not just being a smart-ass, so if you have links or suggested solutions, I'll certainly follow them up!

Tundra Grifter March 31, 2012 at 7:28 pm

CK: “Teaching to the test” means a focus on providing students with very specific information that is expected to be tested. As opposed to teaching, say, US History in general and then asking various questions about that topic.

Some kids simply aren’t very good at tests – other excel at this particular skill. It’s one way to find out what someone knows – but just one way.

Mumbletypeg March 31, 2012 at 9:00 pm

A Facebook group, Testing Is Not Teaching!, centers on activities and conundrums fielded by Palm Beach Co., FL faculty but has implications all over. I esp. enjoy input from parental advocate Rita Solnet, what a dynamo. Barring Facebook, you can check TINT’s tweetfeed or Rita’s.

Some E.B. White-enhanced opinion~

Diane Ravitch and Deborah Meier have a continuing back-n-forth dialogue on EdWeek. Ravitch has gotten attention as a counterpoint to Michelle Rhee (controversial former DC school leader) and while Meier has contrasting viewpoints it balances nicely as she & Diane look for common ground: archived, keyword='testing'

An alternate point of view questions if it's that bad?

Recently on Metafilter: Teach to the Test, Or Not? linked

Scholastic® and Gates study/ report has helpful graphics and capsule quotes from teachers on the subject of standardized tests. Scroll down to p. 25, “Teaching and Learning are Too Complex to be Measured by Any One Test.”

A pretty good commentary from a history teacher, “Why I will Not Teach to the Test” sums it up nicely IMO.

Mumbletypeg March 31, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Because I’ve been immersed in this issue, among many issues surrounding public education, it took me a moment to mine the webs for pertinent info in reply to your query (meaning, I’ve absorbed so much over the years I stopped bookmarking items as specific as the nature of instructing this way, ‘to the test.’) Many of these articles & dialogues describe the outcome, but not necessarily the Thing itself. I can share anecdotally what I found when practice-teaching in one middle school, a top-ranked one in a top-ranked public school system.
In getting my lesson plans ready (Math 7), I found my host teacher showing me a binder with the end-of-semester test, already developed and printed, apparently, over the summer. This was the test that would determine to a significant degree if a student’s passing it would entitle them to proceed w/ Math 7 the following semester, vs. enter some kind of remedial track; more or less it was a fundamental assessment covering months’ worth of content derived from our “pacing guide.”
My surprise was in that: I’d assumed I would develop such a critical assessment according to how the material was mastered by the kids over the coming weeks and based on those periodic assessments. My jaw dropped as I realized *my * evaluation of some 130 kids (across 5 classes) would be secondary, if relevant at all, to the actual determinants to be presented to them for final evaluation (“final” because my interim would end w/ the semester). All this time I had figured I’d be situated in those mandatory staff meetings as a means of sharing feedback, adjusting instruction to kids’ demonstration of learning vs. not-, and to some extent that *was * how we proceeded – predictably falling behind in the pacing guidelines due to “unforeseen” setbacks such as, whoops, some kids aren’t learning it…
But in effect, we were teaching to this test, and while math is more discrete than other subjects, it encounters its share of conflicts in how to deliver instruction, such as this school’s faculty having argued prior to my arrival whether integers should be taught before/ after order-of-operations (the quandary involved the introduction of negative numbers).
This whole issue underscores the recent hoopla over value-added instruction, measuring teachers’ worth based on their students’ scores. Criteria varies but it’s complicated by the sharply curbed budgets, the high turnover of starting teachers (I never followed through in landing a position as the economy tanked and local schools stopped hiring), and the failure of pragmatism-meets-idealism to materialize into a strategy that serves the kids’ needs, not the bars set by administration in an increasingly politicized environment.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Whatever. You're harshing my vibe.

Chet Kincaid April 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Thank you, I will save those links and have a look at them.

BarackMyWorld March 31, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Basically its shorthand for only having time in the year to fill kids heads with not just very specific topics in math and writing that will be on an end-of-the-year standardized test, but test taking strategies they'll be scored based on, instead of broader subjects (history, civics, science, art, music) and skills (using critical thinking and creativity instead of by-the-numbers regurgitation writing style).

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:44 am

And if it weren't for critical thinking, there would be no Wonkette.

Because we're critical of everything.

HistoriCat April 1, 2012 at 10:23 am

Mumblety gives a good rundown of the questions associated with "teaching to the test" so I will just add a couple personal notes from a parent in the big-ass state which brought you the dumbass who pushed No Child Left Behind:

- generally the teach to the test is a giant brake-screeching halt to whatever the kids are actually studying. You were in the middle of Great Expectations? Well, stop and spend a week on test-taking strategies.

- a couple years ago parents got a message from my son's school (I guess he was 13 or 14 at the time) … testing is next week! Make sure your son or daughter is well rested and has a good breakfast. Try to make sure they are in a good frame of mind and hold off on giving them any bad news. … OK, I'm paraphrasing that last sentence a little but I got the impression that you should hold off on announcing your divorce or telling your kid that grandpa died until after they completed the testing.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 10:41 am

Since Bush (we call him Waldo because he is impossible to find this election year) hijacked the original "NCLB" I have been calling it NSBLB (No School Budget Left Behind).

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 1:30 am

That was probably the only place where I was actually rolling my eyes. Our teachers are probably about as well trained as they've ever been, yet we keeping getting this "good teacher" talking point, as if our education system is littered with bad teachers. That's just not the case. Truly bad teachers are hard to come by. It's not the profession that has changed for the worse, largely; it's society and its expectation for its collective children. Sorry. I realize that changing society is hard, and taking teachers to task is relatively easy, but that doesn't make it any more fair.

commiegirl April 1, 2012 at 2:09 am

I disagree. I have a boy in high school, and there ARE bad teachers. REALLY bad. I'm not saying they're behind every tree, but some of em really fucking suck, and it's not cool, and it's not acceptable. My mom, who was her school's union rep for 20 years (and also one of LAUSD's top 100 teachers as far as raising test scores, thinks a bad teacher is no big deal, and that kids will just catch up the next year. As a woman with a kid who needs great teachers to break even, I couldn't disagree more fervently.

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 4:39 am

Didn't say there weren't any bad teachers. But if you believed the Michelle Rhees of the world, you'd think that the teacher profession had rotted more than the overall society, and that simply isn't the case. Even if one is to concede that the teaching profession needs some overhauls, the current talking points and "conventional wisdom" is that the quality of teachers have degraded. We shouldn't be "waiting for Superman". Teachers shouldn't have to be supermen and women. Teachers shouldn't be pressured with saving the world, which is exactly the weight that is being put on their shoulders. It shouldn't be that hard, and if it is, it's evidence that the society has decayed at a rate faster than that of the profession.

I take note of your unique situation, but I'm talking about the system for the vast majority of students. I'm originally from a big city that has basically been, de facto, transfered over to non-public/private education where you've got some amazing charters (that is to say properly managed), which attract the cream-of-the-crop, dedicated teachers because they want to experiment in an urban area, and they are, on average, doing worse than the already terrible public school system, and this is the case in many cities. I've yet to see where "great" teachers make a difference anywhere else but along the margins and in very special cases.

Mumbletypeg April 1, 2012 at 12:35 pm

some of em really fucking suck

Which is my dilemma in wanting reform as much on behalf of good teachers, even those still developing their skills, as with those teachers who, whether from sheer incompetence or too bullheaded to take constructive criticism, risk giving all teachers a bad name. I'm sure many of us remember suffering under the kind of instruction that, even at a young age could be identified as mediocre or worse. And those teachers never got the heave-ho; if they were tenured they could stay for as long as they so choose.

BarackMyWorld April 2, 2012 at 2:03 am

Some of my worst experiences with high school teachers was while I was a high school teacher. There were various reasons for this of course, and maybe I am generalizing, but while I have worked with a lot of good high school teachers, it did seem like good high school teachers were harder to come across than good teachers at any other level.

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Wait a minute, I just got here now, and his speech is just starting on C-Span, and you've already talked abou it. Oh, wait, live 2:26 PM ET, never mind.

Nice flags, Hopie.

cheetojeebus March 31, 2012 at 7:10 pm

i didn't know Frank Capra was still around.

MadBrahms March 31, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Mittens is so fucked. I can barely wait for the debates.

Wile E. Quixote March 31, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I'm not going to count Mittens out until the 7th of November when I hope to wake up to find out that President Obama has handed the Republicans their biggest ass-whuppin since 1964.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I look forward with rather unseemly eagerness to the Wonkette live-blogs.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 10:45 am

I am also throwing in for a reversal of the leadership in congress. That being so, if it happens; i.e., a democratic majority in January 2013, the rapidity in which control of Congress has changed over the last 16 years is a significant issue. Whether to the good or ill, I'm not sure yet.

trampndirtdown April 1, 2012 at 11:03 am

We'll need some loong coattails for that but here's to hoping.

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 9:54 pm

It doesn't matter what happens, FOX will say Rmoney won.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Before all the polls are closed.

Biff March 31, 2012 at 11:25 pm

You mean Rmoney(D)?

Jukesgrrl April 1, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Yeah, THAT guy.

HistoriCat April 1, 2012 at 10:26 am

Or, say Obama won but make a number of references to allegations of massive voter fraud.

Loaded_Pants March 31, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Mitt's campaign is going to have a real problem if they insist that he runs using the current version of the Romney OS while debating Obama.

MadBrahms March 31, 2012 at 11:53 pm

"What is Romney running on? What's his platform?"
"Windows ME, I think."

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:45 am

More like Windows FU.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:30 am

You mean minus the empathy/emotion chip?

ThundercatHo April 1, 2012 at 8:04 am

His evil brother, Scarf, must have it.

fuflans April 1, 2012 at 11:21 am

man you guys are optimistic.

i am a fearful little creature, terrified by the thought that the crazy in this nation – not to mention 5-4 – could produce a president romney.

Jukesgrrl April 1, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I tremble with you. The measures designed to disenfranchise voters fill me with fear and loathing.

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 9:51 pm

There are things happening this spring and summer, that I do feel will help push the president over the finish line regardless of what happens at the Supreme Court. I actually feel that we'll have more organizational support than we did in 2008. Occupy and the UAW are soon to do things that may keep up energized until November.

Pithaughn March 31, 2012 at 7:17 pm

There are some parts of being president this guy does really well. I am looking forward to the final four years ( for now, I can easily see him running in a post Hilary epoch).

RadioStalingrad March 31, 2012 at 7:23 pm

And nobody pulled the plug on Cheney.

Wile E. Quixote March 31, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Well pulling the plug on Cheney wouldn't work. With Cheney you need to cut his head off, drive a stake through his heart and then fill his mouth with garlic and bury him at a crossroads under the light of a full moon.

LetUsBray March 31, 2012 at 10:24 pm

And even then, you still need to track down and destroy all the horcruxes.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Patience, my friend.

gullywompr March 31, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Hey, I did offer you $20, so no bitching.

imissopus March 31, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I love Vermont! The granite is just the right hardness! Er, C-SPAN is editing this before broadcast, right?

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 7:34 pm

"Intrusive igneous rocks are people too, my friend!"

"And most of my supporters are as dumb as granite."

"Oh, wait, the microphone is still on?"

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 1:34 am

"Some of my best friends are maple syrup manufacturers."

DahBoner April 1, 2012 at 11:46 am

Some of my best friends are almost Canadian…

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 9:37 pm

"You know, Canada is were we took Seamus before the troubles…"

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 7:37 pm
flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Someone should send this accompanying prediction to Little Ricky and Newtie.

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Stop, you're scaring me! Barry's only up by 23 points!!

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:33 am

How did you get 23? Or have the figures changed? The average is roughly 29 points.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 11:01 am

I'm not being critical because you folks with the political traditions on the right side of the Pond have hundreds years more history not to mention a few periods of extra ordinary non-electoral dispute resolution as to who your leader would be. But what is it with people citing the betting results to determine who the next President may be. The tabulated odds on any contest have never been and always will be a shill to guarantee a return for the book maker.

This is not to say that such results are not interesting, but only a little closer to reality than a "Fox News" website poll.

Limeylizzie April 1, 2012 at 11:15 am

I think it gives a sense that Barry will be re-elected no more nor less.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 11:50 am

Granted, I’m just always surprised that people ignore the disconnect between setting odds and the actual likelihood of the outcome of an event; especially when those odds are set by book. Only a few weeks ago I had a conversation with a well educated guy (business degrees) who maintained that track odds closely follow the likelihood a horse will win the race. Now using a term like “odds on favorite” demonstrates a better understanding of the process.Another thing that always amazed me is the capability of English Book Makers to be able to stand there at the track and recomputed odds after every bet and do so without any mechanical computing device. Do they still prohibit using stuff like that?

Limeylizzie April 1, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Are you familiar with this?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tick-tack

BarackMyWorld March 31, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Sally Draper needs to watch this instead of "The Man from UNCLE" the next time she's at a sleep-over.

ttommyunger March 31, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Watching even though I just fapped to Daisy Marie. Prolly no way I can………..welllllllll hello there………excuse me for a minute……

BarackMyWorld March 31, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Or Lisa Ann.

ttommyunger March 31, 2012 at 10:45 pm

So many imaginary partners, so little time…

BarackMyWorld March 31, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Different strokes for to different folks.

ttommyunger March 31, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Ah yes! Fantasy puts one in a higher pussy bracket, you know.

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:51 am

Jesus, she should run for the nomination with Little Ricky. Those aren't boobs, those are bowling balls!!

Chet Kincaid March 31, 2012 at 7:53 pm

OT: FINALLY, someone is coming out and stating the obvious fact that Trayvon Martin had a right to defend himself:
http://www.salon.com/2012/03/30/trayvons_stand_yo

Rotundo_ March 31, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Unfortunately if *he* took the judges' kid out, he would have been booked for first degree murder, railroaded through a kangaroo court and put to death. It is a no win situation to be young, black and male in this country. Some parts may claim to be more civilized, but they can't lay claim to being one iota better than Florida if they have these sorts of laws on the books. Hats off to the NRA and ALEC for turning most of the country into "Deadwood 2012".

Chet Kincaid March 31, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Being shot by another young black male is no picnic, either, which is why some black people with money try to escape to "gated communities." Joke's on them!

Chichikovovich March 31, 2012 at 9:39 pm

I've seen a couple of indirect references to this, but I hadn't heard this particular bit of news. You say "the Judge's kid": Is Zimmerman senior a judge? If true, I'm surprised this doesn't get more play. {DA tells homicide detective to let it go, some witnesses coached, etc. Turns out dad's a judge. And if this Zimmerman guy really did call 911 as often as he did, you would assume he would have been checked out by the police, so they would know this.)

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 10:10 pm

According to this, Robert Zimmerman was a "magistrate", which is not a judge, in the Virginia judicial system.

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I heard that on The Young Turks last night and it was news to me. I looked it up and Senior Z. told a Florida FOX affiliate that he was "a retired magistrate judge" in Fairfax, Virginia. Turks also said Z's mother is a court employee. They played a positively loathsome video of his brother spinning George's story into overdrive. I also never hear anyone mention Zimmerman's age or ask why he isn't more gainfully employed. People with full-time jobs don't generally have time to be self-appointed "security."

commiegirl April 1, 2012 at 2:13 am

Well, "not more gainfully employed" isn't really fair. I don't know a 28-year-old who is. Hell, it took me three years to get a job, and I've got a masters and 20 years in newspapers.

Other than that, though, yeah.

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 10:29 pm

According to Virginia law, the "magistrate" replaced the "justice of the peace". In order to be a magistrate in Virginia, one only has to have a bachelor's degree, apparently in any field. It is an appointed position.

I have a link to this information, but Intense Debate absolutely refuses, after repeated attempts, to allow me to post it in any way, shape, or form that you can actually successfully link to it!!!

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 10:41 pm

"B. Every person appointed as a magistrate on and after July 1, 2008, shall be required to have a bachelor's degree from an accredited institution of higher education. A person initially appointed as a magistrate prior to July 1, 2008, who continues in office without a break in service is not required to have a bachelor's degree from an accredited institution of higher education."

Intense Debate will not let me post the entire statute, either, even when I try to break it into separate posts.

Chichikovovich March 31, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Thanks FPD. Unless there is some connection pertaining to the court employee mother, or the Judge is involved with the local judiciary in some way, it's very misleading to call his father a "judge" in a way that suggests once being able to marry people in Virginia puts him in a privileged position with respect to Florida Judiciary.

It's clear enough that many things are simply wrong about the police's actions in this case. Reaching for additional stuff that isn't really there just gives the impression that the argument is so weak that things need to be invented. Which is absolutely not the case.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:44 am

He was a magistrate in the VA court system, and his wife, who is apparently Peruvian, was a court clerk. As a magistrate, Zimmerman Sr. dealt with criminal justice. Not quite a judge, but as close as makes no never mind.

LetUsBray March 31, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Sure, although from what I hear, the undertaker says it looks to him like the poor kid never got the chance.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I'm still searching the InterTubes for images of the killer's allegedly badly battered head.

Barb March 31, 2012 at 11:32 pm

See my above post to Chet, Tilley. What about his lack of blood splattered clothes?

FJL April 1, 2012 at 12:24 am

Yeah, that and the medical examiner says that Trayvon had no signs of being in any kind of fight – no bruised knuckles, scrapes, nothing to indicate that he had ever touched his armed stalker. Gaaahhhh!
http://gawker.com/5898036/new-evidence-contradict

MadBrahms April 1, 2012 at 2:09 am

Behold the horror that is critical race theory!

I just wish she wasn't the only one saying these things. The media is spending all this time bickering over whether or not Martin fought back, and next to no time discussing why it would matter. At best, it would reduce the charge to manslaughter – but the tenor of the discussion plays in to the hands of reprobates like Tucker Carlson who want to paint Martin as a thug and Zimmerman as within his rights.

Chet Kincaid April 1, 2012 at 1:48 pm

OMG, that's right, @Critical Race Theory! As soon as the wingnuts make a stink about it, we see a primo object lesson. Thanks for spotting that.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 11:10 am

The volume of ALEC inspired "Stand Your Ground" laws passed in the last eight years almost never include any presumption of a balance of force. By eliminating the requirement to retreat until one's back is against the wall, a principal well founded in both traditional criminal and common law going back 600 years, those advocating 'Stand Your Ground' have created a horrendous fiction of 'Last Man Standing.' This is not civilization; its a bad, adolescent RPG.

Chet Kincaid April 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Yes, I'm glad you said that.

coolhandnuke March 31, 2012 at 8:59 pm

To obey the editrix's directive, would this be an Obama oratory onanistic onomatopeia?

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Wasn't going to click until I saw the thing about stripping.

Do women fap?

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 9:43 pm

For those who do not yet know, our dear friend Fukui-sanYesOta is in a pretty bad place right now over in the Olbermann thread. Please do what you feel comfortable with to help him out, he deserves that and more. Around five hours ago, I sent this to the tips line. Haven't yet heard back, but it's fairly recent after all.

I know that to say we got off on the wrong foot is an understatement of the first order. Nonetheless, I was wondering if there could be some mechanism whereby the community could give poor Fukui-san more than heartfelt condolences to help with his wife’s cancer treatment. I would not be surprised if we could pool a healthy bit of change, if it is feasible to do so. I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that we can help our Wonket family members who are having a rough patch both materially as well as spiritually.

It’s just making me sick to think of how he’s suffering, particularly given how much I owe (my life, really) to this little cabal of decent, loving and generous human beings. If you have any thoughts, please let me know either here or onsite. Thanks,

The reason I'm posting now is that an idea for a scheme popped into my noggin after the email, to wit: If the eds. could dedicate a short post to Fukui-san and promise to send whatever revenue is earned…just by that post…I think we could do some good things. I even thought up a name for it. We could call it the "Million Foodie March." (his name comes from Iron Chef). Any thoughts?

trampndirtdown March 31, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Let me know where and how. I can always find some spare for a friend.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I'd be up for a Wonkette Whip Round.

102415 March 31, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I would give.

RadioStalingrad March 31, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Good idea, Owls.
I'm in.
Occupy Wonkette.

Chichikovovich March 31, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I'm in. Maybe everyone can prepare something they want to rant on to make the thread memorable. Not too long, must be funny.

Dashboard Buddha March 31, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Just give me a place to send the check or paypal. I'm there.

Barb March 31, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I left him my e-mail address in the post so that I could speak to him about this.

Barb March 31, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Ah crap, I get to be the bitch here. Owl's, what you suggest brought tears of pride to my eyes. BUT, and this is a big BUT….

I am not sure how Rebecca gets ad revenue and it's really none of my business. I could be completely wrong here. Actually, I can't even explain what the "wrong" part of it is because that would give it away and possibly cause problems with advertisers.

Trust me, I am am correct about my theory, we don't want to go there.
Maybe one of us could create a Pay Pal account for this instead.

I'm going to give my theory to Lizzie and she will confirm what I say without disclosing the "wrong" part of it.

redarmyzombie April 1, 2012 at 12:08 am

That's alright Barb; I'm sure there's *something* we can do to help, regardless what that may be.

Barb April 1, 2012 at 12:21 am

Pay Pal is the best way. Thanks for caring! You rock!

redarmyzombie April 1, 2012 at 12:34 am

Don't praise me just yet. I'm afraid my financial situation isn't tenable right now, so I'm not sure how much I'd be able to contribute personally.

That said, If I can give anything, I will, and I already know the community here is willing to help Fukui in any way it can. Truthfully, the reason I joined was precisely because of the sense of community here, which is why we're sitting here discussing how to help in the first place.

I love you guys. You rock.

weej_FukuiKatie April 1, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I'm shopping impaired, so I don't have a PayPal. Mrs. weejee might. Can write a check. Let us know via weepingjebus at gmail dot com. BTW, don't go to that account every day, so my response time is not always the best.

♥U for doing this

imissopus April 1, 2012 at 2:04 am

I'm with you on this one. It's a nice thought, but we shouldn't ask the Editrix to give up space for a collection. It's not like any of the writers are getting rich off the ad revenues here. If Fuki needs help and folks want to take up a collection through PayPal or whatever, then that's a nice gesture, but there is no reason to put the onus on Rebecca to do something.

Barb April 1, 2012 at 2:54 am

Thanks for posting, Imissopus. I LOVE Fuki and I will do everything in my power to help him.
The problem with Pay Pal is that we would be exposing our real names and personal information. The problem with creating a special post for ad revenue and donations is that we are creating a "conspiracy" to create ad $$$ and I don't think the advertisers would appreciate that much. The problem with volunteering Rebecca to donate her money is that she has a son and he is 17-years-old and we all know that a teen can eat us out of house and home.

It is an important cause and a touchy topic. I believe that Rebecca purchased Wonkette with the promise of a super duper back rub and a coupon for a Subway sammich. She's been here for a month-ish. She still owes me $35.00 for weed. By "weed" I mean that she really wants crabgrass.

A solution is at hand and we should take responsibility for the solution and not commit Rebecca or the advertisers to pay for our loving commitment.

All hate mail for what I just said should be sent to Rebecca. I want my $35.00. beo-tch!

Jeffer April 1, 2012 at 3:18 am

That's my $35! Barb fronted it to her! She told me she had glacoma! I didn't know it was THAT sort of weed.

Extempor-sanYesAnus April 1, 2012 at 6:04 am

In the spirit of Chairman Kaga…"ALLEZ CHEMISE!"*

-

*[PHASE 1: Resurrect WonketteMart on CafePress or Zazzle

PHASE 2: ?

PHASE 3: Profit]

user-of-owls April 1, 2012 at 2:05 pm

How the hell did something as simple and decent as this small gesture suddenly become an impossible dream? We can't do it because:

–The owner has a kid that eats a lot.
–Paypal isn't anonymous.

This really is not funny in the least. Now I'm starting to feel terrible for Fukui-san's sake just for making the suggestion in the first place.

fuflans April 1, 2012 at 11:35 am

so where / how do we do this?

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:58 am

I'm in for whatever gets worked out.

Jukesgrrl April 1, 2012 at 1:23 am

Thank you so much, owls, for bringing this to my attention. I read the Olbermann thing yesterday (at least it seems like yesterday) and never went back to it. I wouldn't have seen Fukui-san's post had you not mentioned it here. He's made me laugh so many times I certainly would like to join any effort to lend him a hand. Thanks again.

Extempor-sanYesAnus April 1, 2012 at 6:07 am

Thank you.

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 7:12 am

Deal me in.

Blueb4sunrise April 1, 2012 at 12:43 pm

While people are figuring out how to do this, maybe mess with a poem for his amusement .

At our Wonkette does Fukui-san
Many snarky comments make,
On politicos and rammed-down pricks,
Live-blogs, and p-shopped pics,
He often took the cake.

Okay, maybe not the BEST beginning, but that's why there's edits.

weej_FukuiKatie April 1, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Mrs. weejee @ I are in. Let us know where & how.

102415 April 1, 2012 at 3:37 pm

No pay pal. I hates them.

Nothingisamiss April 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm

I'm late to the party, but totally in. COuld you post any follow up when you get it?

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Maybe Amurika really isn't as stoopid as I think it is? Be still my beating heart.

Loaded_Pants March 31, 2012 at 10:20 pm

The VA GOP establishment seems to have settled for Romney. At the same time, I get the feeling that they aren't really that enthusiastic about him.

So I won't be surprised if Obama carries VA like he did in 2008.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I get the feeling that they aren't really that enthusiastic about him.

Well hell, who is?!

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:48 am

Barry's campaign staff?

Dashboard Buddha March 31, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Yeah yeah…fap away, if you will. But the fucker flew right over my head (really, I have pictures) and he didn't wave. Man of the people my ass.

I have to ask…why was he tooling around in AirForce 2? Yes, I was that close!

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 1:02 am

If you waved, he might have seen you. While I was standing on the Mall after Barry's inauguration ended and a lot of people had left, Dubya's helicopter flew right over me. I stuck my right arm straight up in the air and shook my fist at him (true story). I've always hoped he saw me, but he was probably already drunk and lying back in his seat in a stupor.

Jukesgrrl April 1, 2012 at 1:29 am

I was working in DC during the dark end of the Nixon administration and I had the pleasure of watching Spiro Agnew take his last helicopter ride from the White House lawn. I laughed loud enough he could hear me above his own sobs. I wish we could send more of those jerks straight up and away.

Chichikovovich March 31, 2012 at 11:42 pm

OT: Obama team says "Hey Romney, how about them tax returns?" Romney's blatherskite-in-chief says:

Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders so the American people can be satisfied that he's not promising to sell out the country's interests after the election is over.

a) How far will Romney go in this direction before someone has to say to him on TV: "Have you no shame, sir? At long last, have you no shame?"

b) I'm not sure it's a great idea, foreign policy-wise, to elect a President who openly calls for the release of conversations with other world leaders. Since it's often in the US's interest to have a President who meets with world leaders and has conversations with them. And if such notes were released, no President would have any conversations with any leader for a couple of decades. World leader types being kind of pointy about having conversations they thought were confidential splashed all over American newspapers and websites.

I thought Romney was all about "Quiet Rooms".

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 9:44 am

No, but Biden can get the hose out to use against Rmoney while washing the Camaro.

HistoriCat April 1, 2012 at 10:37 am
Chichikovovich April 1, 2012 at 10:47 am

Damn. The new regime of posting articles faster than people can finish the old ones is difficult to adjust to. It's like playing 10 second speed chess – you're bound to overlook a minor piece en prise every now and then.

redarmyzombie March 31, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I just now got the chance to listen to the man. I refuse to believe there is any way in which he can possibly lose to whichever hellbeast wins the republican nomination. He is literally superior in every single way, from his intellect, to his learnedness, to the manner of his articulation, even right down to his goddamned dignity, he is superior to every single one of them.

Now god dammit, where'd my pants go?

Negropolis April 1, 2012 at 12:48 am

And, Romney is going to beat this guy? It'll be a damned shamed if it happens.

I don't care what anyone says. The presidency is an office of both style (ceremonial) and substance (chief executive). If you don't want the former, than you can have an appointment department secretary.

I'm sure, however, that this video proves that the president is morall weak, though.

Jukesgrrl April 1, 2012 at 1:31 am

W. thought we needed a CEO. I've known a few of them up-close-and-personal and Hopey has more style in his little finger than all of them put together.

Non_ExistentPat April 1, 2012 at 2:03 am

Ram that bully pulpit down my throat!

DerrickWildcat April 1, 2012 at 2:42 am

I've had my nose broken twice and both times my shirt was soaked with blood. Head wounds also bleed like crazy.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:42 am

Head wounds bleed much more copiously than wounds on any other part of the body, unless you get an artery. Hell, a fucking NOSEBLEED would leave evidence all over your shirt. Yet Trayvon's father came home some time after the altercation and there was no trace of blood where the murderer claimed he had his head bashed against the pavement. A whack to the head will also leave you stumbling and groggy. Yet the murderer showed no evidence of that, either, at the time the video was recorded.

fartknocker April 1, 2012 at 3:38 am

He had Grace Potter and the Nocturnals playing music for the voters? Cool Mr. President. Romney would have Bob Wills and Light Crust Dough Boys at his RNC corination if they weren't all dead (and damn fine Texas and Oklahoma musicians).

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 9:47 am

No, Rmoney would have Kid Rock discussing the launch of his escort service, All the Right Reasons. With, of course, the ladies getting their BC from Medicaid. Cause Kid doesn't want to "splurge" for employer health coverage.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 11:21 am

Well they are the only Vermont band that isn't comprised of a fiddle, wash tub bass and jug. Damn good though.

fartknocker April 1, 2012 at 3:46 am

Shawna is hot. But I miss Courtney and her cucumber.

SudsMcKenzie April 1, 2012 at 4:59 am

A cucumber can go where broccoli cant.

DahBoner April 1, 2012 at 11:53 am

TELL THAT TO SCALIA!

el_donaldo April 1, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Make me.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:14 am

Dammit, Crank_Tango, that's the SECOND time you've used MY LINE! And I'm so far away I can only come in here at night when there's nowt but mice around.

Hmph.

Crank_Tango April 1, 2012 at 12:29 pm

You know who else used hitler…Sent from my iPhone

Crank_Tango April 1, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Also, nowt? Does that mean you're in Yorkshire?

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 7:05 am

O/T Natural History Geekery:

Okay, now This is just amazing!

Enjoy, Wonkette Commentariat.

yyyaz April 1, 2012 at 7:36 am

Suddenly the rarity of my stuffed and mounted jackelope has paled.

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 7:42 am

Jackalopes get no Respect.

yyyaz April 1, 2012 at 8:22 am

That ain't no jackelope. THIS is a jackelope: http://getreelonline.blogspot.com/2009/04/you-ama
And google be damned, it is a cross between a jackrabbit, a species of hare, lepus alleni , and the desert pronghorn antelope, antilocapra americana , so the proper spelling is jack-elope. Sheesh, poor critters need a better PR firm.

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 8:30 am

I know – that was just a stupidly obvious photoshop. (White-tail deer antlers? Really!?) It was the Penguin link that got me.
This is precisely the type of scientific misinformation that should be rooted out of the Internet. It will not happen again.

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 9:51 am

So, once the Dolphins develop opposable thumbs, they will unleash thei Penguin Air Force upon the humans?

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 9:56 am

It will likely happen very soon. Keep watching the Skies.

HistoriCat April 1, 2012 at 10:41 am

We are so fucked …

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 10:46 am

It's too late to start being nice to them now. With that power-to-weight ratio Flying Penguins are able to carry Ordinance.

ElPinche April 1, 2012 at 10:37 am

And don't forget this.

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 10:47 am

I'm actually becoming a real fan of This new product.

oldedinvn April 1, 2012 at 10:49 am

Big deal. Bumblebees & choppers ain’t supposed to fly. Why not penguins, foxes & squirrleses.

Mumbletypeg April 1, 2012 at 12:39 pm

We need a headline rewrite! "…Speech That You Can Flap To"

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

That's Flaptastic.

smashedinhat April 1, 2012 at 11:43 am

OT Anna Marie is on CNN talking about Rickets and his meltdown. She makes more sense than Michael Medved . Looks better, as well.

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 11:52 am

Well, I suppose this was just a matter of time:

The Alabama state legislature has voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/capitol/legis

Your move, Texas.

Chichikovovich April 1, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Poisson d'avril!

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm

April stultis!

Isyaignert April 1, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Just to illustrate how incredibly fukkkkked-up the red states have become, I actually believed the headlines until I went to the story and saw it was an April Fool's prank.

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Satire is becoming very hard.

Chichikovovich April 1, 2012 at 11:58 am

OT: Is anyone else seeing a "Shawna: She Really Wants It" in place of the pigs imprisoned in the little ease? Let there be much rejoicing throughout the far-flung domains of International Wonkettery.

Dashboard Buddha April 1, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Agreed…it's almost impossible to fap to toothless pigs.

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 12:27 pm

That's not what the Toothless Pigs say.

Chichikovovich April 1, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Well, it would be easier if we had had any assurances that the toothless pigs Really Want It.

Blueb4sunrise April 1, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Atrios has Brenna . Apparently there's some hawt vegan competition.

Steverino247 April 1, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders so the American people can be satisfied that he's not promising to sell out the country's interests after the election is over."

OK. I got it figured out now. Romney wants this information for a same reason a friend of mine subscribes to National Geographic and Playboy magazines: They both take him places and show him things he's never going to see in person.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 1, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Scientific Evidence suggests that "contrary to the longtime claims of librarians and teachers, books do not take you anywhere."

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I will go and look at the IMDB entry and see if we know any of the cast and crew.

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Grounds for divorce Barb.

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Biel_ze_Bubba March 31, 2012 at 10:27 pm

She should do some Dos Equis commercials.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Marie's kitten is drinking milk.

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 9:23 pm

L'hibou calls at midnight.

Chichikovovich March 31, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Je vois que vous avez un chou.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Les sanglots longsDes hibouxDe l'automne

flamingpdog March 31, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Damn, I could have a few more p at teh Wonkette if I ever watched any French movies besides the ones that have (sigh!) Catherine Deneuve in them …

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Boo-hoot, boo-hoot!

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Lèvres serrées faire quolibets.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 9:38 pm
Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Sami Frey is about 75 now and still looks amazing.

Chichikovovich March 31, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Trop parler peut tuer… de rire.—

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Boum. Now there's a word that should be in my daily vocabulary.

user-of-owls March 31, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Tsk, tsk. It is unseemly to whinge about one's pee when one has one more pee than the pee who one Mmme. Lizzie has. And one wouldn't want to be the one that did that, would one?

Barb March 31, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Lol Tilley! Good to see you.

Loaded_Pants March 31, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Really? That's impressive.
I'm sure genetics are part of it. One friend who had a Native-American grandmother who still had black hair & a smooth face when she was in her 80s.
By comparison, my father & most of his siblings had totally white hair by the time they hit 60. I already have pure white hairs popping up when I grow a beard.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I love Charles Trenet and that song is so fucking happy!

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Hi Barb darling. Been working too hard lately, not so much time to visit my beloved Wonkette. How ya doing? Missing your ladyparts, or are you recovered? XXOOXX

Barb March 31, 2012 at 10:26 pm

I'm recovered, thanks! I'll see the zorch doctor on Tuesday and then I won't want to see her again until next year.
How have you been?

Tilley March 31, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Cool. Glad you're good.

My herniated disk was making me weep hourly, but physical therapy and anti-inflammatory drugs have made it almost disappear. Still loving my job at the local animal shelter spay/neuter clinic, which serves lower-income populations; looking for grant money and writing up the proposals to get it (pretty damn successful so far, if I do say so myself), plus I get to check the dawgs and kats in and out, so it's perfect.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I have had a white streak in my hair since I was 15 and just stopped dyeing it 2 years ago.

Isyaignert April 1, 2012 at 2:30 am

No chit, I found a grey pube the other day. Damn it!!!

redarmyzombie March 31, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I'm in the California Bay Area. And I have no money. And yes, I am crying right now.

Limeylizzie March 31, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Thanks for being concerned about my pee, mon ange.

flamingpdog April 1, 2012 at 12:29 am

Oh, damn, I didn't even realize I had more p than Lizzie. How'd that happen??? My apologies, LL.

Barb April 1, 2012 at 12:36 am

I will make Jeff cover your cost. : ) You still rock. xo

Barb April 1, 2012 at 12:52 am

Good point, FJL, thanks!

Chichikovovich April 1, 2012 at 11:22 am

One small adjustment: It wasn't the medical examiner, but rather the funeral director. The autopsy report hasn't been released yet. But it would be the height of unprofessionalism if the autopsy guy didn't examine the hands for evidence of a fight like the one described.

(I do hope the funeral director took pictures of the hands, with at least one of the pictures angled so that Trayvon's face is visible. With the things that are coming to light now (apparent witness coaching, etc.) I wouldn't count on the professionalism of the local autopologist.)

RadioStalingrad April 1, 2012 at 6:21 am

Phase 2: Hoodies!

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:48 am

Nevertheless, the fact remains that George Fucking Zimmerman attacked a BLAH cop, but received no punishment, and the records of the crime were sealed (Why? And by whom?), that he had been fired from at least one job for aggressively attacking a woman, that he had TWO restraining orders filed against him by ex-girlfriends, and that although even Florida law does not permit anyone with a domestic violence prior to carry a gun, he was nevertheless issued a conceal-carry permit. This entire case stinks of interference and corruption. The guy was a walking time-bomb, and sooner or later he was going to kill a black man. And his family did its level best to cover up for him.

yyyaz April 1, 2012 at 7:56 am

Once upon a time, I was a Justice of the Peace, pro tem, for five years in my area of the desert. It is still an elected position that anyone can run for, but appointed part-timers like myself have been required for several years now by the state Supreme Court to be members of the state Bar. I heard about 50/50 civil and criminal cases. I once had to conduct a preliminary hearing in a prison-gang double murder during which I had to compel the witnesses to testify. Lots of traffic tickets, fights between neighbors, lovers and relatives, with and without weapons; massive arraignment calendars; swearing our warrants; evicting the penniless. We all wore neckties and the robe and were addressed as "Judge" and "Your Honor." The magistrates over in City Court followed the same protocol. Not knowing what jurisprudential issues Virginia "magistrates" are charged with adjudicating makes the "judge" label somewhat suspect, but there is considerable leeway. Also, too, JPs around here knock down about 95% of the salary of the Superior Court bench, which, last time I checked, was about $150k.

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 9:11 am

The greyer the follicle, the dryer the juice?

HuddledMass April 1, 2012 at 9:55 am

No – as the mighty Wikipedia states: "A sleeveless shirt, singlet or vest, also known as a wife-beater, yankton or tank top." Also known as an "A-shirt" (A for athletic, not asshole)
Thus endeth today's fashion lesson.

Biff April 1, 2012 at 10:52 am

I think those are not-so-affectionately known as Guinea shirts.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 10:04 am

Oh, well, a fashion maven I never wuz.

Hey, waitaminnit. I'm getting a lecture on fashion from a buncha MICE?

HistoriCat April 1, 2012 at 10:31 am

I hope this job you now have won't interfere with your Wonkette posting.

fuflans April 1, 2012 at 11:31 am

ha! me too! i have a BA/MA (from u of c) and 15 years experience. it took me almost exactly 2 years to get anything other than an acting job which pays like crap.

thank god there was wonkette during that time.

Jukesgrrl April 1, 2012 at 9:05 pm

You do have a point (said the grrl whose unemployment comp ran out last year … but I did put four corporations out of business before I got there!).I'm surprised to know that Zimmerman is only 28 — in his photos he looks older than my distant memory of 28.I actually googled his age recently because I'd never heard anyone say, and even then I couldn't find out.So thanks for facts, which seem to be few and far between in this mess.In any case, his family seems to be in total denial of his issues, but I'm sure my family is in denial about my issues, too, and they are legion.Cheers, Jukesgrrl (BA in Journalism, MFA in Poetry … how's that for funny?!)

Mumbletypeg April 1, 2012 at 10:35 am

Haha — I did get carried away there!..

You're harshing my vibe

…but I'm afraid I have less control over that than you do.

fuflans April 1, 2012 at 11:18 am

math is hard.

ElPinche April 1, 2012 at 10:41 am

Obama should send SEAL 6 to Terry Jones' cottage and end this madness for good.

Chichikovovich April 1, 2012 at 10:43 am

Ben oui, that's the sort of thing I'm talking about when I say that there is so much wrong with the police conduct in this case that there's no need to fudge things, or even to round upward.

P_R_Angster April 1, 2012 at 10:44 am

Clearly, he needs to be made an Example of.

FJL April 1, 2012 at 10:50 am

Thanks Barb. Insert "funeral director" instead of "medical examiner." Let's just pretend we're all Republicans and accept my original version.

Biff April 1, 2012 at 11:26 am

Where I'm at, the rural counties (under 250,000 population) only require a high skool diploma for a JP. It's a family affair, too. One much loved JP died, and the only person applying to replace him was his son who gave up a law enforcement career (he was a sergeant in the SO). Closer to home, the county sheriff's wife ran for the position, but the teabaggers won out over nepotism.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Yes, but I never paid any attention to interpreting it, not being at an English or Irish track more often than never. What I did ‘learn’ once for amusement (and having a heritage which included a family fortune which went down the drain in 1929 – 1932) were a lot of the hand symbols for floor traders. The bidding and pricing gestures were easy but being sure what issue they were doing was a lot more difficult and would require going to the ‘floor’ for weeks on end. Also, a lot easier in the late 60’s then now. In those days I could add a 4 digit column in my head with a very high degree of accuracy although there is a considerable distance between being practiced at that because I was using an adding machine all day long and Rainman.

James Michael Curley April 1, 2012 at 2:07 pm

If the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act survives the Judicial Activism (which I’m sure it will because Republicans are so against Judicial Activism) I plan to get into the ground floor of ObamaCare Exchanges. Since this will be actively traded I have developed a basic set of terms to be used in the rapid fire ObamaCare Pits which will develop in each state Exchange.Broccoli – Basic hospitalization careBroccoli with Cream Sauce – Basic hospitalization and primary well care at a physician of choice by Kathleen SebeliusBroccoli Florets – Women’s Health care providing prenatal and maternity care.Chopped Broccoli – Women’s Healthcare with the abortion option for slatternly, leftist female college studentsCarrot – Basic Health care for men with an option for Viagra and Cialis

Extempor-sanYesAnus April 1, 2012 at 1:50 pm

ヾ((@⌒o⌒@))ノ

Mumbletypeg April 1, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Maybe she is working on it as we speak. Have you considered sending RS an email to follow up?
(I am clueless with putting together stuff like this; I don't shop online ever, hardly, & lost my PayPal password ages ago.)

Barb April 2, 2012 at 2:05 am

Simple and decent? There is nothing simple or decent to suggest that we ride and bilk ad revenue to raise money for an idea that you didn't suggest before volunteering Rebecca to donate her money for anything. The mere suggestion could cause her to lose advertisers.

As for the "anonymous" part. Look around, the names here are not exactly telling of who is who. Most people have made up names and clever ones at that. For anyone to take charge and collect personal information, via Pay Pal is a very iffy thing. Who does anyone trust with their real names and Pay Pal accounts, seriously? Which one of us do we trust to gather funds and to deliver them?

I tried to dance around your suggestion nicely, seriously. You have a lot of nerve to tell Rebecca that she should be your muse to come up with funds for anything.

For you to try to deflect this and "feel terrible for Fukui…" is cowardly. Many people realize that your half-baked method is not the right way to go about this. I stepped up, I gave my e-mail address, I suggested that we go about this without implicating anyone, via Pay Pal, putting Rebecca on the spot to fund your half-baked idea and to try to do this in a decent, safe and somewhat assured way. What did you do? Hey Rebecca, let's do something and YOU are going to take the hit! I didn't see you telling your e-mail address, suggesting a safe way to reach this goal or do ANYTHING that would put you at risk. You passed the responsibly to Rebecca, someone you've had contact with for a brief month.

I suggested, ad nauseam , that your idea was so super sweet. I tried to inject humor into it. I didn't come right out and outline how your idea was so wrong. I tried to be cute and dance around it and obviously, I failed.

User-of-Owls, take responsibility for your magnanimous suggestion. Don't pass the buck here. Just DO IT. You came up with the idea and I would like you to follow through with it. I challenge you to do this and to do it right. The ball is in your court. I am starting to feel terrible for Fuki-san's sake if you don't deliver.

By the way, trying to make me the bad guy here isn't going to work. I've invested more time in my posting about this than you have about making this idea work.

FROTHY April 1, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I guess I'm a Guinea, then, huh? I used to wear those things alla time as a yoot. Stick the fag pack in the rolled up sleeve and the lighter in the too-tight jeans pocket.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 2, 2012 at 2:04 am

Having two Caddies, though, makes you a Real American™ who really and truly supports the Detroit auto workers, whose jobs you haven't yet destroyed.

not that Dewey April 4, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Right. No blog has ever discovered a way to allow pseudonymous people who care to contribute to help one of their own. To what do you attribute Wonkette's longevity and continuity of readership? Did Rebecca anachronistically and retroactively create this community? Are blog advertisers unaware that repeat-viewing commenters help to drive the ad revenue? Will they sense a "conspiracy" and be automatically turned away if we break the 4th wall? "Many people realize", even you, apparently, that your Paypal idea was not so hot, either. But what did you propose in its place?

You'll notice that Extemporanus proposed a mechanism for fundraising that neither violated anonymity nor put any of Rebecca's capital or advertisers at stake. That is the spirit of constructive, collaborative brainstorming. Not accusing our compatriots of cowardly half-baked bilking and deflection.

You've made it clear that you don't like for others to "improve" on your posts. Sounds like a reasonable objection.

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