Romney Will Release His Tax Returns When Obama Stops Being A Russian Iranian North Korean Mole

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Double secret probationHey, remember yesterday, when your Wonkette had that story about poor Mitt Romney boohooing because his $100 million retirement account would be taxed at the same tax rate your sister pays on her unemployment check? Yeah, we do too! So now Obammerz’ peeps are all hey mittens, how about you tell us more about that? And then Mittens’ people are all “We will release them when Obama stops being a Russian spy.” Obvs.

We think Mitt Romney might not be the best choice for president, you guys, because he does not seem to understand that some foreign policy talks might be sensitive? And maybe if Bammerz went blabbing about every diarrhea thing that, say, Netanyahu (he’s the Israel one) ever spewed at him, maybe Netanyahu would not want to talk to US presidents anymore? (This also reminds us of one of the many idiot things Rick Santorum likes to snarl: that how dare the US not be using covert methods against Iran’s nuclear program, while everybody else in the world is like, dude? It’s covert?)

“The Obama campaign is playing politics, just as he’s doing in his conduct of foreign policy,” Romney spokesperson Andrea Saul wrote. “Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders so the American people can be satisfied that he’s not promising to sell out the country’s interests after the election is over.”

Man, that sneer just jumps straight from the screen, yeah? It’s like the president of Omegas Theta Pi went straight from the Nixon White House to the Massachusetts statehouse, and now is thisclose to being the GOP nominee.
[National Journal, via DailyKos]

 
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{ 117 comments }

nounverb911 March 30, 2012 at 4:47 pm

"When Obama Stops Being A Russian Chinese Iranian North Korean Mole"
So, that's never?

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Mitt, to his credit, left out Kenyan

anniegetyerfun March 30, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Romney actually makes Santorum's attacks look better and more manly.

Schmannnity March 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Romney acts like the KGB prepares his taxes.

nounverb911 March 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Boris and Natasha Corporate Accountants, Inc. LLC?

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Because diplomacy should always be conducted in the harsh spotlight of a frantic media feeding frenzy

Lascauxcaveman March 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I will release my personal tax returns if someone gives me a cookie.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 4:53 pm

If I throw in a brownie, can we get your SS #?

nounverb911 March 30, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Next time we go to Hurricane Ridge, I'll drop by and give you a cookie.

Lascauxcaveman March 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Awesome! You can give me and my bicycle a ride up too. That is one hella great ride down.

nounverb911 March 30, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I hope you have good brakes on your bike. The typical driver up there seems to stop every time they see a squirrel next to the road.

Lascauxcaveman March 30, 2012 at 5:07 pm

45 years in the saddle, and I have yet to rear-end a car. I wish I could say vice-versa is true.

gullywompr March 30, 2012 at 4:53 pm

My advice to Mitt is to start drinking heavily.

emmelemm March 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Unfortunately, Mitt can only drink water.

smokefilledroommate March 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

No wonder he's such a prick.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Needs moar bowing to the Saudi King.

sullivanst March 30, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Or at least walking hand-in-hand with him.

drrty_martini March 30, 2012 at 7:11 pm

And smooching! Don't forget the smooching!

Negropolis March 31, 2012 at 12:29 am

Needz WAY moar Saudi prince hand-holding and kissing. Too.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I so want President Obama to shout "FOOD FIGHT!" at his next presser.

Loaded_Pants March 30, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I would totally watch that.

CivilMcMannerly March 30, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I demand that Romney releases all of the Joseph Smith's Golden Plates!

weej_bain March 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Uppers, lowers, or both and let zombie Joe gum his vittles?

doloras March 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Tough luck, the Angel Moroni took those back.

CivilMcMannerly March 30, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Well, let us at least see the fucking plate-reading-hat!

Beowoof March 30, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Sounds to Smart, Smart, Smart Smart

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Actually, it was the Texas State Constitution of 1879 that was found inscribed on gold plates at the bathroom of the Alamo…

weej_bain March 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm

The Russian Chinese Iranian North Koreans have mole sauce? Who knew? Would that be pirozhki mole, egg roll con mole, naahaar mole, or kim chi mole? Today the whole world's population is Messican.

emmelemm March 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Now I'm hungry.

widestanceromance March 30, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I would be, if not for the sight of the bashing granny's oral speed bump from the last post.

weej_bain March 30, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Swing by the Latona for a grilled cheese & tomato bisque soup 'n sand. They've got a good assortment of pints to choose from to wash it down. Had that last night and it was very tasty.

emmelemm March 30, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Sadly, I'm at work on the {shudder} Eastside. Maybe at some point this weekend.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Actually, it's Fesenjan. Easy to mix up the two.

bagofmice March 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

This brought to mind a beet based Kimchee, topping a plate of lutefisk, covered in an enchilada sauce, served in a pita.

I hate my brain right now.

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 10:11 am

TACO TOWN!!!

Biff March 31, 2012 at 1:13 pm

My favorite mole still resides on Cindy Crawford's lip.

Lascauxcaveman March 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I don't see a false equivalency issue here. All Romney is saying is that being an ultra rich guy these days is the same thing as selling your country out to the Chinese, etc.

He's pretty much spot-on.

HarryButtle March 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Jeezus. We couldn't even get a list of the NAMES of the energy moguls who met with Cheney to determine our national energy policy, but Obama's supposed to release transcripts along with photographs and video footage and a note of permission from the Supreme Court every time he takes a dump.

Generation[redacted] March 30, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Maybe Obama can reach a compromise if he promices a live toilet cam from the white house to be broadcast on CSPAN #2?

SayItWithWookies March 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Wait — Mitt Romney wants President Obama to disclose records of his duties while in office? That's odd coming from a former governor who spent $100,000 of his state's money to hide computer records from his administration. I mean this guy could — were he to win office — make Richard Nixon look like a champion of full disclosure.

Callyson March 30, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Speaking of which:

Mitt Romney's PAC Funded Anti-Gay Marriage Group Under The Radar
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/30/mitt-rom

Asshole can't even sneak around successfully…

Loaded_Pants March 30, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Oh yes, that.
Who knew that the Mormons & Catholics could get along so well because of their mutual hatred of another group of human beings?
This must be a sign of American Exceptionalism & how it leads the world in progressive political thinking.

Chill-A-Sketch March 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Willard learned Foreign Policy by playing Risk…

sullivanst March 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Sure it wasn't from the last couple of seasons of Survivor?

trampndirtdown March 31, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I demand that Romney release all the transcripts from the quiet rooms where he discusses how to fuck over the 99%.

Jukesgrrl March 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Andrea Saul writes, "just as he’s doing in his conduct of foreign policy” instead of "just like he's doing." Grammar is for elitists! Speak American!!

OneDollarJuana March 30, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Andrea Saul Alinsky?

Baconzgood March 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm

"release the notes and transcripts of all (our) meetings with world leaders" Ahhh, didn't that get the Wikileaks dude in trouble?

gullywompr March 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Romney: Come outta there, and give me the notes and transcripts of all your meetings with world leaders, you bastards!

Bamz: [in falsetto] Who is it?

Romney: You know damn well who it is.

Bamz: I'm sorry. You'll have to come back later. I'm doing the dishes.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Biden: Oh boy, this is gonna be GREAT!

Generation[redacted] March 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Damn, they painted EAT ME on Air Force One!

RadioStalingrad March 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Jeez, Andrea, you don't have to get all uppity about it.

Baconzgood March 30, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Dean Wormer is people too my friend.

Angry_Marmot March 30, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Mrs. Wormer and I will, ah, be in my room.

Not_So_Much March 30, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Wow. Andrea really needs to get laid.

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Andrea really needs to get fisted.

/fixed

WiscDad March 30, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I agree…as soon as all the transcriptions of Bush's meetings are released so the world can see he had knowledge of 9/11

tessiee March 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Also, his {snortle!} "military service" records.

trampndirtdown March 31, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I'm not sure shrub had knowledge of anything

Isyaignert April 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Except the knowledge that he and his cabal of evil fuks got away with m.u.r.d.e.r. and the biggest heist in the history of the world. That son-of-a-bitch (literally) should be hanging in The Hague.

elviouslyqueer March 30, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Dear Mitt:

How's about I appoint you to the Ambassadorship for South Sudan? Maybe that'll give you at least a smidge foreign policy experience, other than your demonstrated expertise at outsourcing jobs to Asia.

Oh, and I also ordered Ruth Bader Ginsberg to go over and fuck your wife with the Deluxe 14-inch Cliterator. PS, Ann said she loved it and that it was preferable to shoving lit firecrackers up her twat, since that was the only bang she's been getting since about 1992.

Fuck you, also.

Barry

freakishlywrong March 30, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Nuanced!

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Thank you for coming in and auditioning as White House Press Secretary! We have a few other people to interview, but your passion and energy is duly noted.

Wile E. Quixote March 30, 2012 at 7:40 pm

How's about I appoint you to the Ambassadorship for South Sudan? Maybe that'll give you at least a smidge foreign policy experience, other than your demonstrated expertise at outsourcing jobs to Asia.

Hey now, that's not fair, Mittens also has experience converting the French to Mormonism.

CthuNHu March 30, 2012 at 10:26 pm

How many did he actually convert? Do we have those records? If not, why hasn't Romney released them? Is he trying to hide the fact that during the height of the Vietnam War he spent his two most draftable years foofing around France playing missionary but not actually converting anybody?

Is that the bold new leadership Romney promises? "My friends, America faces serious challenges, and I promise you that if elected I will avoid dealing with them entirely, and will instead take on much safer, easier and more fun projects, and I won't get anywhere on those, either."

johnnyzhivago March 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Mitt's people need to sprinkle some Soros and Alinsky accusations in their press releases. Also some Stalin and Hitler references.

widestanceromance March 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Saul? hmmmm. . .interesting. . .

smokefilledroommate March 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Romney's camp is also calling for transparency in the White House bathroom. "The American people should be privy to exactly when this President has a bowel movement, and when the toilet is flushed. They need to be satisfied that the President isn't flushing some leftist radical spy-poop straight to China."

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 10:14 am

The GOP will make hay of the Obama White House's "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down" water-saving policy.

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm

“Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders so the American people can be satisfied that he’s not promising to sell out the country’s interests after the election is over.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! This from the campaign of a guy responsible for killing off how many jobs in the name of "return on investment?"

Santorum's just crazy. Romney is sociopathic. You can treat crazy.

AnAmericanInTO March 30, 2012 at 5:12 pm

OT: Annnnnnd Olbermann is out at Current TV, and they're putting Elliot Spitzer in his place: http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118052107

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Aw, man! That sucks donkey dick!

Lucidamente1 March 30, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Spitzer pays extra for that.

Beowoof March 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Yeah, it was kind of nice to have an angry progressive around who wasn't afraid of a fight.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 5:33 pm

His own worst enemy.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 5:34 pm

It's not too late for that Olbermann/Beck reboot of "The Odd Couple" I was shopping around the last time he got fired.

sullivanst March 30, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Uh oh, you brought t3h Joos into it… Allen West will be arriving shortly to save you from yourself, My Lai style.

On another note, though:

so the American people can be satisfied that he’s not promising to sell out the country’s interests after the election is over.

Andrea, sweetie darling, there's this little thing we have called "Congress" that makes laws and ratifies treaties and shit. Mr. Preznit can't sell the country out all by his self, y'know.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Andrea Saul? I'd do her

widestanceromance March 30, 2012 at 5:22 pm

HOLY MUVA OF KRIST! What is it with the Mormons and their teeth? I swear, they're half human, half equine.

widestanceromance March 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Will Obama have to drop trou for Mittens to own up to his NOM donations? If so, yeah, I want pix.

freakishlywrong March 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm

The fuck? Fuck you, plutoboy.

FraAnima March 30, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Toga! Toga! Toga!

Lucidamente1 March 30, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Magic underwear! Magic underwear! Magic underwear!

prommie March 30, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Holy fuck, thats some insane shit! They called for the president, openly called for the president, to prove that he is not selling out the country? What the motherfucking fuck? Maybe its projection, since Mitt's ultimate loyalty is to the mormon spacelords or whatever they are, and he really does plan to sell out the country to his alien overlords.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 5:38 pm

You Know Why. And they won't stop unless some crazy person, deeply unsettled by the climate they have created, takes a gun and takes a shot.

prommie March 30, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Cause the sherrif is near?

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 6:09 pm

That's my prommie!

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 10:18 am

Outside of Chirac about ten years ago, who was the last president of a western democracy to take a shot? Reagan?

If it happens to the current POTUS, there better be an almost military response against the Right, since they are the instigators.

FraAnima March 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Oh, and Andrea? Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

prommie March 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Plus they never heard of executive privilege, and the well-developed and universally accepted theory behind it? Fucktarded much, Mitt?

SteveMcCroskey March 30, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Greg Mitt, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?

tessiee March 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Darn it, if you're not even gonna TRY, then I'm just gonna stop!
*snaps rubber glove off*

Lucidamente1 March 30, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Wasn't Greg Marmalard raped in prison?

tessiee March 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

IIRC, Greg was a Nixon White House aide who was raped in prison, and Neidermaier was killed in Vietnam by his own troops.

meatpuppet2 March 30, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Can someone explain to me when Obama stopped being a Muslim terrorist and started being a Chinese/Russian spy? So hard to keep up.

docterry6973 March 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm

"…maybe Netanyahu would not want to talk to US presidents anymore?"

Gosh, that would be…bad?

PubOption March 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm

As long as the US keeps sending money, Netanyahu wouldn't be concerned.

Chichikovovich March 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm

This also reminds us of one of the many idiot things Rick Santorum likes to snarl: that how dare the US not be using covert methods against Iran’s nuclear program, while everybody else in the world is like, dude? It’s covert?

But you can see why Santorum was confused. Given the behavior of the president he fellated every post-Clinton day until booted out of the Senate, Santorum naturally assumed that you can always learn about covert activities when, to punish political opponents, the agents' names are leaked to friendly New York Times and Washington Post stenographers.

mavenmaven March 30, 2012 at 5:35 pm

"Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders" soon to be Fox News meme repeated over and over again by their programmable minions.

horsedreamer_1 April 1, 2012 at 10:20 am

It's a trap. If Obie does this, the GOP will get him the Bradley Manning treatment.

Sue4466 March 30, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Does this mean Mittens is only 1 degree away from Kevin Bacon?

OneYieldRegular March 30, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Un-f-ing-believable. Any journalist worth his or her salt should ask the closest world leader to weigh in on the Romney's campaign's sage advice to the President.

imissopus March 30, 2012 at 5:51 pm

“Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders…"

So Mittens is aligning himself with some of the work Wikileaks does?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard March 30, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I came for the headline, and stayed for Rebecca's beautiful mind.

owhatever March 30, 2012 at 6:04 pm

TGIF. Let's go bomb some Third World country like South Carolina.

Callyson March 30, 2012 at 6:08 pm

“The Obama campaign is playing politics, just as he’s doing in his conduct of foreign policy,” Romney spokesperson Andrea Saul wrote.

Translation:

"Oh shit–the economy is getting better and the more people learn about Mittens the less they like him–what to do, what to do? Trump up some crap about how bad Obama is at foreign policy! Yeah, maybe that'll work…"

Callyson March 30, 2012 at 6:09 pm

“Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders so the American people can be satisfied that he’s not promising to sell out the country’s interests after the election is over.”

Aaaand then the wingnuts would accuse him of endangering national security by leaking sensitive information. Bitch, please…

tessiee March 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I think vegetables are very sensual, don't you?

Negropolis March 31, 2012 at 12:20 am

Seriously, Andrea? Really? Did you really just write that?

Bless her heart.

gurukalehuru March 31, 2012 at 4:40 am

Actually, I find myself agreeing with Mitt Romney. All talks between world leaders should be open and above board, filmed live from multiple angles, recorded and analyzed in real time. I don't trust any of those fuckers farther than I could spit, with Vlady Poot and Nathan Yahoo right near the top of the list.

Not holding my breath, though.

donner_froh March 31, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders

Obama should check with another government employee–Bradley Manning–before he does that.

ttommyunger March 31, 2012 at 3:00 pm

OK, fine. But the Library of Congress needs to release the videotape of Dubya tossing the Saudi Royal Family's salad at the ranch in Crawford every other month.

cotugirl April 1, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Put all the world leaders, trackers in arm, in the Arena, just like the Hunger Games!

weej_bain March 30, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Perhaps after your glide down from Hurricane Ridge you could consider this downhill delight.

sullivanst March 30, 2012 at 5:57 pm

That is nucking futs!

Lascauxcaveman March 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Holy moly, you got that right. I thought this course was pretty bad.

(But I've actually been down it, which is NOT gonna happen with that one in Chile.)

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