just as soon as obama stops beating his wife

Romney Will Release His Tax Returns When Obama Stops Being A Russian Iranian North Korean Mole

Double secret probationHey, remember yesterday, when your Wonkette had that story about poor Mitt Romney boohooing because his $100 million retirement account would be taxed at the same tax rate your sister pays on her unemployment check? Yeah, we do too! So now Obammerz’ peeps are all hey mittens, how about you tell us more about that? And then Mittens’ people are all “We will release them when Obama stops being a Russian spy.” Obvs.

We think Mitt Romney might not be the best choice for president, you guys, because he does not seem to understand that some foreign policy talks might be sensitive? And maybe if Bammerz went blabbing about every diarrhea thing that, say, Netanyahu (he’s the Israel one) ever spewed at him, maybe Netanyahu would not want to talk to US presidents anymore? (This also reminds us of one of the many idiot things Rick Santorum likes to snarl: that how dare the US not be using covert methods against Iran’s nuclear program, while everybody else in the world is like, dude? It’s covert?)

“The Obama campaign is playing politics, just as he’s doing in his conduct of foreign policy,” Romney spokesperson Andrea Saul wrote. “Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders so the American people can be satisfied that he’s not promising to sell out the country’s interests after the election is over.”

Man, that sneer just jumps straight from the screen, yeah? It’s like the president of Omegas Theta Pi went straight from the Nixon White House to the Massachusetts statehouse, and now is thisclose to being the GOP nominee.
[National Journal, via DailyKos]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • nounverb911

    "When Obama Stops Being A Russian Chinese Iranian North Korean Mole"
    So, that's never?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Mitt, to his credit, left out Kenyan

  • anniegetyerfun

    Romney actually makes Santorum's attacks look better and more manly.

  • Schmannnity

    Romney acts like the KGB prepares his taxes.

    • nounverb911

      Boris and Natasha Corporate Accountants, Inc. LLC?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Because diplomacy should always be conducted in the harsh spotlight of a frantic media feeding frenzy

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I will release my personal tax returns if someone gives me a cookie.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      If I throw in a brownie, can we get your SS #?

    • nounverb911

      Next time we go to Hurricane Ridge, I'll drop by and give you a cookie.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Awesome! You can give me and my bicycle a ride up too. That is one hella great ride down.

        • nounverb911

          I hope you have good brakes on your bike. The typical driver up there seems to stop every time they see a squirrel next to the road.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            45 years in the saddle, and I have yet to rear-end a car. I wish I could say vice-versa is true.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

            Perhaps after your glide down from Hurricane Ridge you could consider this downhill delight.

          • sullivanst

            That is nucking futs!

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Holy moly, you got that right. I thought this course was pretty bad.

            (But I've actually been down it, which is NOT gonna happen with that one in Chile.)

  • gullywompr

    My advice to Mitt is to start drinking heavily.

    • emmelemm

      Unfortunately, Mitt can only drink water.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        No wonder he's such a prick.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Needs moar bowing to the Saudi King.

    • sullivanst

      Or at least walking hand-in-hand with him.

    • http://drinkiesinthe253.blogspot.com/ drrty_martini

      And smooching! Don't forget the smooching!

    • Negropolis

      Needz WAY moar Saudi prince hand-holding and kissing. Too.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I so want President Obama to shout "FOOD FIGHT!" at his next presser.

    • Loaded_Pants

      I would totally watch that.

  • CivilMcMannerly

    I demand that Romney releases all of the Joseph Smith's Golden Plates!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Uppers, lowers, or both and let zombie Joe gum his vittles?

    • doloras

      Tough luck, the Angel Moroni took those back.

      • CivilMcMannerly

        Well, let us at least see the fucking plate-reading-hat!

        • Beowoof

          Sounds to Smart, Smart, Smart Smart

    • Steverino247

      Actually, it was the Texas State Constitution of 1879 that was found inscribed on gold plates at the bathroom of the Alamo…

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    The Russian Chinese Iranian North Koreans have mole sauce? Who knew? Would that be pirozhki mole, egg roll con mole, naahaar mole, or kim chi mole? Today the whole world's population is Messican.

    • emmelemm

      Now I'm hungry.

      • widestanceromance

        I would be, if not for the sight of the bashing granny's oral speed bump from the last post.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Swing by the Latona for a grilled cheese & tomato bisque soup 'n sand. They've got a good assortment of pints to choose from to wash it down. Had that last night and it was very tasty.

        • emmelemm

          Sadly, I'm at work on the {shudder} Eastside. Maybe at some point this weekend.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Actually, it's Fesenjan. Easy to mix up the two.

    • bagofmice

      This brought to mind a beet based Kimchee, topping a plate of lutefisk, covered in an enchilada sauce, served in a pita.

      I hate my brain right now.

      • horsedreamer_1

        TACO TOWN!!!

    • Biff

      My favorite mole still resides on Cindy Crawford's lip.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I don't see a false equivalency issue here. All Romney is saying is that being an ultra rich guy these days is the same thing as selling your country out to the Chinese, etc.

    He's pretty much spot-on.

  • HarryButtle

    Jeezus. We couldn't even get a list of the NAMES of the energy moguls who met with Cheney to determine our national energy policy, but Obama's supposed to release transcripts along with photographs and video footage and a note of permission from the Supreme Court every time he takes a dump.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Maybe Obama can reach a compromise if he promices a live toilet cam from the white house to be broadcast on CSPAN #2?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wait — Mitt Romney wants President Obama to disclose records of his duties while in office? That's odd coming from a former governor who spent $100,000 of his state's money to hide computer records from his administration. I mean this guy could — were he to win office — make Richard Nixon look like a champion of full disclosure.

    • Callyson

      Speaking of which:

      Mitt Romney's PAC Funded Anti-Gay Marriage Group Under The Radar
      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/30/mitt-rom

      Asshole can't even sneak around successfully…

      • Loaded_Pants

        Oh yes, that.
        Who knew that the Mormons & Catholics could get along so well because of their mutual hatred of another group of human beings?
        This must be a sign of American Exceptionalism & how it leads the world in progressive political thinking.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    Willard learned Foreign Policy by playing Risk…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    I demand that Romney release all the transcripts from the quiet rooms where he discusses how to fuck over the 99%.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Andrea Saul writes, "just as he’s doing in his conduct of foreign policy” instead of "just like he's doing." Grammar is for elitists! Speak American!!

    • OneDollarJuana

      Andrea Saul Alinsky?

  • Baconzgood

    "release the notes and transcripts of all (our) meetings with world leaders" Ahhh, didn't that get the Wikileaks dude in trouble?

  • gullywompr

    Romney: Come outta there, and give me the notes and transcripts of all your meetings with world leaders, you bastards!

    Bamz: [in falsetto] Who is it?

    Romney: You know damn well who it is.

    Bamz: I'm sorry. You'll have to come back later. I'm doing the dishes.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Biden: Oh boy, this is gonna be GREAT!

      • Generation[redacted]

        Damn, they painted EAT ME on Air Force One!

  • RadioStalingrad

    Jeez, Andrea, you don't have to get all uppity about it.

  • Baconzgood

    Dean Wormer is people too my friend.

  • Not_So_Much

    Wow. Andrea really needs to get laid.

    • Steverino247

      Andrea really needs to get fisted.

      /fixed

  • WiscDad

    I agree…as soon as all the transcriptions of Bush's meetings are released so the world can see he had knowledge of 9/11

    • tessiee

      Also, his {snortle!} "military service" records.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      I'm not sure shrub had knowledge of anything

      • Isyaignert

        Except the knowledge that he and his cabal of evil fuks got away with m.u.r.d.e.r. and the biggest heist in the history of the world. That son-of-a-bitch (literally) should be hanging in The Hague.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Mitt:

    How's about I appoint you to the Ambassadorship for South Sudan? Maybe that'll give you at least a smidge foreign policy experience, other than your demonstrated expertise at outsourcing jobs to Asia.

    Oh, and I also ordered Ruth Bader Ginsberg to go over and fuck your wife with the Deluxe 14-inch Cliterator. PS, Ann said she loved it and that it was preferable to shoving lit firecrackers up her twat, since that was the only bang she's been getting since about 1992.

    Fuck you, also.

    Barry

    • freakishlywrong

      Nuanced!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Thank you for coming in and auditioning as White House Press Secretary! We have a few other people to interview, but your passion and energy is duly noted.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      How's about I appoint you to the Ambassadorship for South Sudan? Maybe that'll give you at least a smidge foreign policy experience, other than your demonstrated expertise at outsourcing jobs to Asia.

      Hey now, that's not fair, Mittens also has experience converting the French to Mormonism.

      • CthuNHu

        How many did he actually convert? Do we have those records? If not, why hasn't Romney released them? Is he trying to hide the fact that during the height of the Vietnam War he spent his two most draftable years foofing around France playing missionary but not actually converting anybody?

        Is that the bold new leadership Romney promises? "My friends, America faces serious challenges, and I promise you that if elected I will avoid dealing with them entirely, and will instead take on much safer, easier and more fun projects, and I won't get anywhere on those, either."

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Mitt's people need to sprinkle some Soros and Alinsky accusations in their press releases. Also some Stalin and Hitler references.

  • widestanceromance

    Saul? hmmmm. . .interesting. . .

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Romney's camp is also calling for transparency in the White House bathroom. "The American people should be privy to exactly when this President has a bowel movement, and when the toilet is flushed. They need to be satisfied that the President isn't flushing some leftist radical spy-poop straight to China."

    • horsedreamer_1

      The GOP will make hay of the Obama White House's "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down" water-saving policy.

  • Steverino247

    “Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders so the American people can be satisfied that he’s not promising to sell out the country’s interests after the election is over.”

    ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! This from the campaign of a guy responsible for killing off how many jobs in the name of "return on investment?"

    Santorum's just crazy. Romney is sociopathic. You can treat crazy.

  • AnAmericanInTO

    OT: Annnnnnd Olbermann is out at Current TV, and they're putting Elliot Spitzer in his place: http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118052107

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Aw, man! That sucks donkey dick!

      • Lucidamente1

        Spitzer pays extra for that.

      • Beowoof

        Yeah, it was kind of nice to have an angry progressive around who wasn't afraid of a fight.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      His own worst enemy.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      It's not too late for that Olbermann/Beck reboot of "The Odd Couple" I was shopping around the last time he got fired.

  • sullivanst

    Uh oh, you brought t3h Joos into it… Allen West will be arriving shortly to save you from yourself, My Lai style.

    On another note, though:

    so the American people can be satisfied that he’s not promising to sell out the country’s interests after the election is over.

    Andrea, sweetie darling, there's this little thing we have called "Congress" that makes laws and ratifies treaties and shit. Mr. Preznit can't sell the country out all by his self, y'know.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Andrea Saul? I'd do her

    • widestanceromance

      HOLY MUVA OF KRIST! What is it with the Mormons and their teeth? I swear, they're half human, half equine.

  • widestanceromance

    Will Obama have to drop trou for Mittens to own up to his NOM donations? If so, yeah, I want pix.

  • freakishlywrong

    The fuck? Fuck you, plutoboy.

  • FraAnima

    Toga! Toga! Toga!

    • Lucidamente1

      Magic underwear! Magic underwear! Magic underwear!

  • prommie

    Holy fuck, thats some insane shit! They called for the president, openly called for the president, to prove that he is not selling out the country? What the motherfucking fuck? Maybe its projection, since Mitt's ultimate loyalty is to the mormon spacelords or whatever they are, and he really does plan to sell out the country to his alien overlords.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      You Know Why. And they won't stop unless some crazy person, deeply unsettled by the climate they have created, takes a gun and takes a shot.

      • prommie

        Cause the sherrif is near?

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          That's my prommie!

      • horsedreamer_1

        Outside of Chirac about ten years ago, who was the last president of a western democracy to take a shot? Reagan?

        If it happens to the current POTUS, there better be an almost military response against the Right, since they are the instigators.

  • FraAnima

    Oh, and Andrea? Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

  • prommie

    Plus they never heard of executive privilege, and the well-developed and universally accepted theory behind it? Fucktarded much, Mitt?

  • SteveMcCroskey

    Greg Mitt, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?

    • tessiee

      Darn it, if you're not even gonna TRY, then I'm just gonna stop!
      *snaps rubber glove off*

  • Lucidamente1

    Wasn't Greg Marmalard raped in prison?

    • tessiee

      IIRC, Greg was a Nixon White House aide who was raped in prison, and Neidermaier was killed in Vietnam by his own troops.

  • meatpuppet2

    Can someone explain to me when Obama stopped being a Muslim terrorist and started being a Chinese/Russian spy? So hard to keep up.

  • docterry6973

    "…maybe Netanyahu would not want to talk to US presidents anymore?"

    Gosh, that would be…bad?

    • PubOption

      As long as the US keeps sending money, Netanyahu wouldn't be concerned.

  • Chichikovovich

    This also reminds us of one of the many idiot things Rick Santorum likes to snarl: that how dare the US not be using covert methods against Iran’s nuclear program, while everybody else in the world is like, dude? It’s covert?

    But you can see why Santorum was confused. Given the behavior of the president he fellated every post-Clinton day until booted out of the Senate, Santorum naturally assumed that you can always learn about covert activities when, to punish political opponents, the agents' names are leaked to friendly New York Times and Washington Post stenographers.

  • mavenmaven

    "Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders" soon to be Fox News meme repeated over and over again by their programmable minions.

    • horsedreamer_1

      It's a trap. If Obie does this, the GOP will get him the Bradley Manning treatment.

  • Sue4466

    Does this mean Mittens is only 1 degree away from Kevin Bacon?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Un-f-ing-believable. Any journalist worth his or her salt should ask the closest world leader to weigh in on the Romney's campaign's sage advice to the President.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    “Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders…"

    So Mittens is aligning himself with some of the work Wikileaks does?

  • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Ayn Rand Paul Tard

    I came for the headline, and stayed for Rebecca's beautiful mind.

  • owhatever

    TGIF. Let's go bomb some Third World country like South Carolina.

  • Callyson

    “The Obama campaign is playing politics, just as he’s doing in his conduct of foreign policy,” Romney spokesperson Andrea Saul wrote.

    Translation:

    "Oh shit–the economy is getting better and the more people learn about Mittens the less they like him–what to do, what to do? Trump up some crap about how bad Obama is at foreign policy! Yeah, maybe that'll work…"

  • Callyson

    “Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders so the American people can be satisfied that he’s not promising to sell out the country’s interests after the election is over.”

    Aaaand then the wingnuts would accuse him of endangering national security by leaking sensitive information. Bitch, please…

  • tessiee

    I think vegetables are very sensual, don't you?

  • Negropolis

    Seriously, Andrea? Really? Did you really just write that?

    Bless her heart.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Actually, I find myself agreeing with Mitt Romney. All talks between world leaders should be open and above board, filmed live from multiple angles, recorded and analyzed in real time. I don't trust any of those fuckers farther than I could spit, with Vlady Poot and Nathan Yahoo right near the top of the list.

    Not holding my breath, though.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Obama should release the notes and transcripts of all his meetings with world leaders

    Obama should check with another government employee–Bradley Manning–before he does that.

  • ttommyunger

    OK, fine. But the Library of Congress needs to release the videotape of Dubya tossing the Saudi Royal Family's salad at the ranch in Crawford every other month.

  • cotugirl

    Put all the world leaders, trackers in arm, in the Arena, just like the Hunger Games!