Former Celebrity Apprentice Contestant Jose Canseco Accidentally Murders Poor Al Gore

Old, dumb, not full of comeIt seems like maybe Jose Canseco is not that smart of a guy. (And no, Magic Johnson is probably not going to hire him at 1B for the new, improved, mostly-McCourt-free Dodgers.) HOWEVER! He is very sweetly (and dumbly) Twitzing away with cool ideas for how to reduce your energy bills and save the world at the same time! Also, he accidentally murdered Al Gore.

Has anyone ever seen Jose Canseco and Chuck Grassley in the same place at the same time?


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    1. Negropolis

      But, be careful, because furnace rage can be a bitch. Burn your whole house down, it will.

  1. Not_So_Much

    I liked him best when the baseball bounced off his head and over the fence. It was clearly a more severe impact than it appeard. RIP Hosay!!11!

      1. Not_So_Much

        You're late to the party on my damnation. Think I locked that up during my college years…

  2. Barb

    Palin tweeted that she is concerned about global warming and wants to send 20,000 troops to the sun. What a maverick!

  3. tihond

    This is almost as bad as the time Mark McGuire killed Sammy Sosa and replaced him with a white man.

    1. Preferred Customer

      Polar beer is good beer. At least, it seemed that way to me when I was 18 and on spring break. It was probably terrible.

  4. Baconzgood

    Not very coherent twats…Maybe that infamous "home run off the head" ball hit him in the noggin a little too hard.

  5. donner_froh

    No need to "reduce, recycle, reuse morons" since there is an infinite supply of them. People who vote in Republican primaries are just the tip of the moronic iceberg.

  6. Redhead

    Can someone please pass the "turn off ALL your home heat at night" tip on to the snowbilly grifter clan?

    … I just want to see what happens…

    1. MissTaken

      Well the head does give off most of one's body heat, so maybe he was just helping him live 20% longer?

      1. SorosBot

        And you were complaining about all the cold weather out in SF lately; you'll appreciate the extra years when you get to them.

    2. bureaucrap

      If you watch Futurama (as I do, religiously), you'd know that Al Gore's head makes regular cameo appearances to denounce global warming or plug holes in the space-time continuum. Plus his head is in a transparent glass jar, which lowers its temperature so it will live 20 % longer.

  7. C_R_Eature

    Jose Canseco

    Why can't we use rockets to send all the Morons up into the Moronosphere?

  8. SexySmurf

    Green tip of the day: you can reuse the syringes you use to inject steroids into your ass to inject heroin into your cock.

  9. boobookitteh

    Jose Canseco's twitter feed is one of my most favoritest things in all the world.

    He just wants to play baseball and hug you! He completes you!

  10. OneYieldRegular

    He's an eco-warrior now, but wait until he gets traded to play in Romney's basement.

  11. metamarcisf

    Jose once hired his twin brother to stand in for him during a celebrity appearance. He got away with it. Not.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Not just a "celebrity appearance" – it was a boxing match.

      Maybe Jose isn't so dumb after all.

    1. SorosBot

      He's the one who missed the big softball game against Shelbyville because he was busy rescuing all of a woman's possessions from a fire.

  12. hagajim

    Jose may be suffering from a traumatic brain injury from too many blows to the nogg…but he's hanging out with Playboy chicks so his life can't be all bad eh?

  13. elviouslyqueer

    hole families used to sleep in one big bed and produce no waste how did we go from their to killing polar bears in 100 years

    I want to make hot, sticky, and sweaty love to this tweet until its prostate begs for mercy.

  14. pinkocommi

    Jose Conseco tweeting about global warming makes me think there actually may still be hope for our world.

  15. MissTaken

    hole families used to sleep in one big bed and produce no waste

    Yeah morons! Don't shit in your hole, put the bed in it and make the family sleep in it together. For bears.

  16. owhatever

    He "forgot" to wear a bra, and the ladyz swoon and take him home just to read his articles.

  17. widestanceromance

    I don't take no advice from men wearing sheer curtains (although I might take a hummer if he promised to not to speak).

  18. CapnFatback

    It was a matter of time before someone of Canseco's talent finally joined the 140/140 club.

  19. clblabin

    Well, I'm sick of only dead people getting to "rest in peace," anyway. Why can't Al Gore rest in peace, if he wants to? It's Friday.

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