Old, dumb, not full of comeIt seems like maybe Jose Canseco is not that smart of a guy. (And no, Magic Johnson is probably not going to hire him at 1B for the new, improved, mostly-McCourt-free Dodgers.) HOWEVER! He is very sweetly (and dumbly) Twitzing away with cool ideas for how to reduce your energy bills and save the world at the same time! Also, he accidentally murdered Al Gore.

Has anyone ever seen Jose Canseco and Chuck Grassley in the same place at the same time?


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  • nounverb911

    Recycled Cansecos = Soylent Green?

    • Baconzgood


  • Well at least we know who *not* to turn to for the task of murdering Chuck Grassley for butchering the English language.

  • Schmannnity

    Put anabolic steroids in your furnace–increases efficiency by 38%.

    • teebob2000

      "i has steeroids when i is yunger so i has a tiny peepee an ballsak now."

    • Negropolis

      But, be careful, because furnace rage can be a bitch. Burn your whole house down, it will.

  • Not_So_Much

    I liked him best when the baseball bounced off his head and over the fence. It was clearly a more severe impact than it appeard. RIP Hosay!!11!

    • bikerlaureate

      Bone spur libel !

    • Baconzgood

      DAMN YOU Not_So_Much.

      • Not_So_Much

        You're late to the party on my damnation. Think I locked that up during my college years…

  • He gets beat up on Pay Per View about every month.

  • bumfug

    Was that last one Canseco or Borat?

  • Barb

    Palin tweeted that she is concerned about global warming and wants to send 20,000 troops to the sun. What a maverick!

    • Fare la Volpe

      That's a Common Cents Solution.

    • widestanceromance

      She said they would not burn up because it would be a nighttime raid.

    • meatpuppet2

      Did she call the Sun a planet or a moon?

  • tihond

    This is almost as bad as the time Mark McGuire killed Sammy Sosa and replaced him with a white man.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Polar bears? Oh, meant beers.

    • Preferred Customer

      Polar beer is good beer. At least, it seemed that way to me when I was 18 and on spring break. It was probably terrible.

  • Fare la Volpe


  • Mahousu

    "Recycle morons" = Republican presidential primary process.

  • Baconzgood

    Not very coherent twats…Maybe that infamous "home run off the head" ball hit him in the noggin a little too hard.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Technically Canseco will be right in the future. He's just ahead of his time.

  • SecretMuslin

    Is he wearing that shirt to lower his body temperature during waking hours?

    • MissTaken

      He does look a titty bit nipply in that shirt.

  • No need to "reduce, recycle, reuse morons" since there is an infinite supply of them. People who vote in Republican primaries are just the tip of the moronic iceberg.

  • Baconzgood

    Are polar bears sorted with cans or plastics?

    • ChernobylSoup

      I compost mine. You should see what it does for my azaleas.

      • RedneckMuslin

        Mix them with spotted owls and watch your tomatoes grow.

  • Redhead

    Can someone please pass the "turn off ALL your home heat at night" tip on to the snowbilly grifter clan?

    … I just want to see what happens…

  • RadioStalingrad


    • Moar like this, with the bat still on his shoulder.

      • RadioStalingrad

        I didn't know how to do a backwards "K".

    • Negropolis


  • SorosBot

    "al gore was a head of his time" – so wait, Canseco decapitated him?

    • MissTaken

      Well the head does give off most of one's body heat, so maybe he was just helping him live 20% longer?

      • SorosBot

        And you were complaining about all the cold weather out in SF lately; you'll appreciate the extra years when you get to them.

    • bureaucrap

      If you watch Futurama (as I do, religiously), you'd know that Al Gore's head makes regular cameo appearances to denounce global warming or plug holes in the space-time continuum. Plus his head is in a transparent glass jar, which lowers its temperature so it will live 20 % longer.

      • boobookitteh

        O/T, but I like to imagine Ted WIlliams' head in a Futurama jar.

    • DetectiveGrey

      Most people compete in The Game with swords. Canseco uses a baseball bat.

  • Would that shirt pass the muster at 7-11? It seems to run contrary to the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" mantra.

  • C_R_Eature

    Jose Canseco

    Why can't we use rockets to send all the Morons up into the Moronosphere?

    • Steverino247

      Because UPS delivers to Bell County, TX.

      • C_R_Eature

        Awright, now that's funny!

  • SorosBot

    Anabolic steroids are a hell of a drug.

  • Antispandex

    A baseball player and a polar bear walk into a bar…

    • RedneckMuslin

      The punchline ending: And the other one does Coke commercials.

  • SexySmurf

    Green tip of the day: you can reuse the syringes you use to inject steroids into your ass to inject heroin into your cock.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Reduce garbage! Share needles with friends!

  • boobookitteh

    Jose Canseco's twitter feed is one of my most favoritest things in all the world.

    He just wants to play baseball and hug you! He completes you!

    • bureaucrap

      He actually uses auto-complete to complete you. It's verbal steroids.

  • freakishlywrong

    Jesus, this ignorant fuck has more smarts than most of our elected Republicks.

  • "al gore was a head"

    Hey man, Al's not here.

  • ttommyunger

    Jose Canseco has a twitter account? OMG! Who knew? I am so following him, NOT.

  • He does lots of drugs. He is loser and can not be my friend or in my bicycle gang.
    Why do you think they call it dope.

  • OneYieldRegular

    He's an eco-warrior now, but wait until he gets traded to play in Romney's basement.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Anyone who has arms bigger than my thighs ain’t thinking straight.

  • sullivanst

    What an ignoranimus!

    • C_R_Eature

      Yeah, and he even misspelled Moran!

      • sullivanst

        Shouldn't that be "maroon"?

        • C_R_Eature

          We'll have to run that one by the Judges.

  • metamarcisf

    Jose once hired his twin brother to stand in for him during a celebrity appearance. He got away with it. Not.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Not just a "celebrity appearance" – it was a boxing match.

      Maybe Jose isn't so dumb after all.

  • Has anyone ever seen Jose Canseco and Chuck Grassley in the same place at the same time?

    Aww, come on. At least the big lug's heart is in the right place.

  • Baconzgood

    I only take environmental advice from Andy Van Slyke.

    #18 RULZ!

  • el_donaldo

    Morons? Clowns? Why is his living green advice so abusive?

  • MissTaken

    Thanks to Jose I am finally complete.

    Hug for u!

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    Who is this?

    • Baconzgood

      1988-MVP with 42HR 124 RBIs .307 Batting average? Ring any bells?

    • SorosBot

      He's the one who missed the big softball game against Shelbyville because he was busy rescuing all of a woman's possessions from a fire.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Busted for coke.
      Ratted on his friends.

  • hagajim

    Jose may be suffering from a traumatic brain injury from too many blows to the nogg…but he's hanging out with Playboy chicks so his life can't be all bad eh?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Somewhere in America a pretty hefty lady is looking for her negligee.

    • "Pretty hefty lady" is a Youporn category. Or so I am told.

  • rickmaci

    Wonder if he recycled all the steroid bottles?

  • BornInATrailer

    "Little bitty baby balls."

  • docterry6973

    It was self-defense I tell ya. Jose feared that Al was going to bore him to death.

  • elviouslyqueer

    hole families used to sleep in one big bed and produce no waste how did we go from their to killing polar bears in 100 years

    I want to make hot, sticky, and sweaty love to this tweet until its prostate begs for mercy.

  • pinkocommi

    Jose Conseco tweeting about global warming makes me think there actually may still be hope for our world.

  • MissTaken

    hole families used to sleep in one big bed and produce no waste

    Yeah morons! Don't shit in your hole, put the bed in it and make the family sleep in it together. For bears.

  • owhatever

    He "forgot" to wear a bra, and the ladyz swoon and take him home just to read his articles.

  • widestanceromance

    I don't take no advice from men wearing sheer curtains (although I might take a hummer if he promised to not to speak).

  • Ruhe


  • CapnFatback

    It was a matter of time before someone of Canseco's talent finally joined the 140/140 club.

  • proudgrampa


  • ElPinche

    Caveman twatter talk kind of works out for him.

  • LiberalMantra

    He's really gone batty, been out in sun too long I guess :/

  • clblabin

    Well, I'm sick of only dead people getting to "rest in peace," anyway. Why can't Al Gore rest in peace, if he wants to? It's Friday.

  • Bless his heart.

  • puny humans hulk leap from city 2 city not waste jet fuel bying flight tix. save planet or hulk smash!!

    • how hulk twitter on iphone when thumb wider than screen?! GAAAAAAAH!!!

  • AutomaticPilot

    You know who else's initials were J.C.?????

  • Al Gore, Steve Jobs, same person (to some well-meaning but roided-up motherfucker).

  • tweeksmom

    That shirt is really, really gay.

  • iburl

    If not for the enviro communist parts, I'd say we have a new GOP convention white knight.

  • I totally agree with Mr. Canseco: Al Gore was a head of his time.

  • Negropolis

    Oh, Jose. Just go do a dude, already, and be happy. We get it, man.

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