Hi, here is one of the most relaxing days you’ve had in at least five days, and now Michele Bachmann is here to make it even better by telling you that if you don’t have health insurance, don’t worry, because health insurance is not “uniquely different,” and why does it think it’s so great? Bachmann, the something of Minnesota laws lightbulbs etc., went on Sean Hannity’s program on Thursday to say that it’s outrageous for Obama and the left to paint America’s 40 million uninsured people as victims who can’t afford to have their teeth cleaned or get diabetes medication. No, because really, they’re people who “choose” to “roll the dice,” but can’t go to Vegas at the moment for reasons that are none of your business and have nothing to do with money (that again!)

Bachmann was invited on to talk about the Obamacare Supreme Court hearing because she is a legal expert. And in this very long minute-long clip, she says:

One argument that the government was trying to make is that somehow health care is uniquely different. That government can regulate it because everyone participates. Health insurance is not uniquely different. It’s still an opportunity that some people choose to engage in, but 40 million people do not.

“Choose to engage in.” Yes that’s true. After all, everything we do is a choice.* Even sneezing. Even breathing. Particularly flossing. *EXCEPT THE THING WITH THE ZYGOTES.

And the premise was made that people don’t buy insurance because they can’t afford it. That’s not true. There are people who just decide they want to roll the dice and take their chances that they won’t need insurance.

But hmmmmmmmmmm being that this is America, land of all the candy, and the thrice-cooked fries, and the jacked chickens, and the angry cows, could the last part of that legal expertise, take their chances that they won’t need insurance, could that be intelligent? There’s a possibility that by listening to these words twice, you will be able to make sense of them, so try again. Try harder. With the video:

And now we have some information from the reliably furious Think Progress, which points to 2007 data from the Kaiser Family Foundation suggesting that “working families make up 80 percent of those who have no health insurance.” But for Bachmann (and Santorum, who says everything is a gift, even probably big gambling losses e.g. your own death, and even rape), the more toothless people are around to hug you while you weep over the high-stakes roulette wheel that is (thrillingly) your life, the better. Life is all about these moments: being locked in your house with your 18 offspring, away from the safety of teachers, doctors, hooded teenagers and potentially Glee. Death happens to us all, after all, and anyway, it’s a nice excuse to go to church. [Think Progress]

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  • Barb

    Yes, but when you roll the dice with your life at stake it usually comes up craps and a colonoscopy cost a lot of money.

    • Nothing that a few hands of video poker can't fix, Barb.


      • Barb

        Thunder, was that your screen? I'm loving it!
        True story, Jeff just now went to check out his competitor's casino and he slipped a $20.00 into a machine, asked for a cup of coffee and tapped the button once, went into a bonus round and won $500.00. He cashed out and left.

        I'm entered in the Mandalay Bay million dollar slot tournament in April and I think I will let Jeff play for me. I need both hands to drink.

    • hagajim

      Can I get colonoscopy for the win Alex?

      • An Asexual Ungulate

        If that's a win for you, by all means, step right up. We take all comers!

    • SharkSandwich

      But that's what bankruptcy is for. It's fun to "roll the dice" when you made the bet by writing a hot check.

    • Isyaignert

      Obamacare would make all preventative tests like colonscopy, mamogram, bloodwork, etc. covered under your insurance and not subject to a deductable or co-pay.

  • comrad_darkness

    I roll the dice of life every time I pull up Wonkette and risk a brain hemorrhage.

    • C_R_Eature


      • WunkRocker

        Those are prizes!

  • Poindexter718

    And Bachmann rolls/has SNAKE EYES!

  • C_R_Eature


  • nounverb911

    To bad Bachmannn gets to keep her insurance when she loses her seat in November.

    • Not_So_Much

      If only. Those frozen ijit/lizard-people voters have failed us before.

      I could be wrong (often), but I think once they leave Congress they have to pick up the tab for that sweet, sweet healthcare they get. They still get it, but not for free. I'm sure there is a fund somewhere that lessens this awful burden upon them.

      • As dear departed Ed McMahon used to say, "Your are CORRECT, sir!!" All members of Congress, former members, and retired members are eligible to participate in the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program, the largest insurance pool in the U.S. After members leave Congress for whatever reason, they may still purchase the insurance they used to have, or some lesser version (aka "rolling the dice"). Premiums vary — negligible if one is a sitting member of Congress and if not currently sitting, length of service is figured into the premium cost. It's a great benefit because, due to the size of the pool, this insurance is among the best and cheapest on the market. That's why it makes me so mad when Santorum whines about having to BUY insurance for his humongous family. AS IF one of his lobbying employers wasn't paying his premium no matter where his insurance is coming from. In any case, since 1997 no members of Congress removed by the voters take lifetime health insurance with them for free.

    • fuflans

      she's not going to lose her seat.

      though i would be delighted for you to be right here.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Food is something famine victims choose to go without, too.

    Doubtless Rick Santorum is working on his next GOP crowd pleasing zinger: "Barack Obama thinks everyone should have health insurance… [pregnant pause]… what a snob!"

    • Beowoof

      With Rick's contraception plans, pregnant will mean more than just a pause.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      … and I guess those kids she fostered have explained to her how they "chose", to become a ward of the state. What little tykes they are, to be sure!!!

  • C_R_Eature

    "Bachmann was invited on to talk about the Obamacare Supreme Court hearing because she is a legal expert."

    Every single word in this sentence is Wrong.

  • Not_So_Much

    Stupid poorz, choosing to not have $100M IRAs and health care. Probably because they don't want to pay taxes, the shiftless fuckers.

    • HELisforHEL

      Don't forget–they chose to be poor to begin with! They deserve their fate! Lazy bastards!

    • fuflans

      it's ok. 5-4 will take care of any lingering equalities we have in this country.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Shely's got good insurance and she is obviously not well, ergo health insurance has no relation to health.

    • Beowoof

      To get treatment for mental health first you must recognize you have mental health issues. Shel's ability to recognize issues of the human condition are apparently lacking as she hasn't noticed that Marcus is a big gay bear.

    • Imagine how she'd act if she DIDN'T get that "headache medicine."

    • vtxmcrider

      Her gold-plated health insurance policy covers pre-existing conditions. She has always been fucking crazy.

  • Baconzgood

    "You take a chance getting up in every morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.”

    -Frank Drebin-

  • Major Thom

    I think she's starting to make sense finally. It's like when Marcus chooses to have unprotected sex with uninsured boys or something…I don't know.

    • NYNYNYjr

      He's rolling the dice that they may get butt pregnant and give birth to gay babies. Hasn't happened yet, knock on wood.

  • ttommyunger

    Roll of the Dice, eh? I suppose that explains how she got a chubby goober-smoocher for a husband.

    • C_R_Eature


      • DetectiveGrey


        • C_R_Eature

          Scroat Swallower.

          • MaxNeanderthal

            Turd Burgler.

          • C_R_Eature

            Dick Smoker.

          • MaxNeanderthal

            Shirt Lifter?

          • C_R_Eature

            Rump Pumper

          • MaxNeanderthal

            Pillow biter.

          • C_R_Eature

            Euphemism Euphemismizer.

          • doloras

            Player of the Pink Oboe.

          • C_R_Eature

            Thank you! I ran out!!

            Skin Flute.

          • billy_reuben

            Mayonnaise gargler

      • ttommyunger

        Not that there's anything wrong with that, hee, hee.

  • Sean Hannity is the reason Lie Detector tests are not admissible in court.

    • Serolf_Divad

      If that guy ever told the truth he'd short circuit the machine.

  • I chose to win the Mega Millions… tough luck suckers, I called it first!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Fair and square, Maman.

      Just remember who your friends are.

    • finallyhappy

      I was in a fancy neighborhood market(yeah, not my neighborhood) and there was a big line there for tickets. I am going to try a place near me- as people here have less money to waste. I am going to buy 2 tickets so I win both halves of the $600+ million

  • ChernobylSoup

    As a foster parent I can tell you a dirty little secret about Michele Bachmann: ALL OF HER KIDS' MEDICAL BILLS WERE PAID BY MEDICAID.

    • Steverino247

      Thank you for your service. Seriously, I used to be a social worker and know what you have to put up with.

      • ChernobylSoup

        Thanks, Steverino247. Social work is no walk in the park. We like fostering babies, before they can talk smack. We have a 5 year old boy of our own (by having sex), and he's a good big brother to the kids.

        • Steverino247

          I've never had a job that other people envied.

          It's hard not to get attached to babies, though, as I'm sure you know too well.

          Having sex gets you a five year old boy? Beats changing diapers all those years, I guess (hahahahaha)

  • Frost/Nixon/Robocop

    Games of chance are strictly forbidden by Deuteronomy 7

    • nounverb911

      What are the odds that Bachmannn's read it?

    • sullivanst

      Why does Mishy hate Baby Jesus so much?!!

    • WiscDad

      Deuteronomy 7? Is that the deuce/five combo roll?

      • HistoriCat

        It's one of those crap shows on Syfy – it's no Star Trek, that's for sure.

        • "One" of those crap shows? Thanks for narrowing it down to a possible 24 hours of programming.

          • HistoriCat

            Well, "that crap show on Syfy" would have been a misleading statement.

  • sullivanst

    Yeah, but Shelly, here's the secret: They're playing with my money. They're playing with your money. Don't you normally get upset about that kind of thing?

    Oh, yeah, that's right, only when there's a Democrat in the White House.

  • Goonemeritus

    No insurance by choice is this century’s 13 kid Cadillac driving welfare queen. Do they really exist or are they an urban legend like those nymphomaniac librarians I grew up looking for.

    • Sounds like you got slapped by a lot of librarians….

      • Chichikovovich

        But, alas, not spanked.

        • Doktor StrangeZoom

          Or blinded by SCIENCE?

          • An Asexual Ungulate

            Now that's science even conservatives can get behind.

            …assuming she's not using birth control.

    • Baconzgood

      I should go check out a book today.

    • RadioStalingrad

      Watch what you wish for. Didn't Palin co-opt the sexy librarian look?

      • An Asexual Ungulate

        …sexy? I guess crazed leather handbag is a fetish of sorts…

  • nounverb911

    Ever notice how the people who talk the loudest against insurance for all, already have insurance?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Government-run health insurance.

      Never leave that part out.

  • C_R_Eature

    There's a statistical anomaly called the Gambler's Paradox. As we have seen demonstrated with Bachmann, there is also an anomaly called the Voter's Paradox.

  • Barb

    Michele, you do know that every time you tell a lie, God kills a foster child, right?

    • widestanceromance

      No sweat for the Bachmanns; they're on an automatic delivery plan, so they can make bank without worry.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Oh please – like Michele even bothered to remember their names.

    • johnnymeatworth

      Don't you mean that every time Michele tells a lie a foster child chooses to die?

  • US America Healthcare is the worst AD&D adventure module ever.

    • LesBontemps

      Accidental Death & Dismemberment? Talk about a malpractice problem!

    • CommieLibunatic

      Even if you're rolling a Spot Check on a trap door to a blade-lined chute leading to a pit of Digesters, the dice are less lethal.

  • Baconzgood

    *blowing on dice* C'mon baby, daddy needs a new dialysis treatment.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Life's a casino, Michele.

    You've crapped out.

  • ♪♫ Seven come eleven health care is such a sin
    She1ey Clown, you still around?? ♫♪

  • memzilla

    And that's why Somalia has the best gummint, because no gummint. AK-47 Roulette Wheel of Health Insurance!

    • HELisforHEL

      It's a Libertarian paradise!

  • To be fair, "Rolling the Dice" works better than praying.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I'm sorry, I stopped listening after Michele said that 40 million Americans were "en-gaying." This is good news for Marcus, no?

  • AlterNewt

    Sounds like a fool's pair of dice.

  • Lucidamente1

    So for Bachmann playing at the nearby Indian casino is what, going to the medicine man?

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, asshole, I've "chosen" not to get health insurance, just like people "choose" to get run over by a car.

    • hagajim

      I chose not to get run over by a car…but I rolled the dice and they were loaded….fuck!

  • YouBetcha

    40 million people don't participate because they CAN'T. It's like when you're in bed, Michele, and Marcus can't get a chubby. It's just not going to happen, sweetheart.

  • BornInATrailer

    Oh, I fondly recall the salad days back when I lived under the poverty line and rolled them bones on health insurance.

    Ahh, youth.

    Also, fuck her.

  • Callyson

    Well, when you roll the dice, there is a chance (however slim) of a payoff, whereas when you go without health insurance the *best* outcome will be that you won't be driven into bankruptcy. Whoo hoo!

  • el_donaldo

    Yes, I choose to live on the edge and feel the excitement and adrenaline of risking it all on a single throw. I also believe that others should have that privilege, and once they have the ways and means, they may then choose otherwise.

    So I choose that Michele be placed in a cage with a bunch of angry and horny gorillas. And I choose that I be the one to decide when she should come out.

  • SteveMcCroskey

    "They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say let 'em crash."

    • HarryButtle

      Looks like you picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.

  • proudgrampa

    Yeah, people roll their dice to eat or buy insurance. Hmmm. What's it going to be?

    Stupid bitch.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Sure, giving people affordable healthcare robs them of a valuable opportunity to risk their health and their lives for no reason. This is precisely why Michele drives a '62 Corvair.

    • hagajim

      I thought she was driving an early 70s Pinto.

  • widestanceromance

    And the people who scream loudest about personal responsibility have none?

  • Redhead

    I'm sure if all the poor had simply chose to scrub their school toilets or polish their ministers' door knobs as children, like Newt's daughters, then they would now be able to afford health insurance.

    • HELisforHEL

      And they'd have all that 'inherent dignity' stored up, to live on.

      Newt's condescending answer to that young man probably made most of the Young Republican Shits attending wet their pants with excitement. Kudos to the kid for poking the big fat sloppy bear–especially while surrounded by the neocon, I-Got-Mine douchenozzles in attendance.

      (and Newt using the word 'dignity' boggles the mind)

    • Polishing ministers' "door knobs" is a great career path for good Christian bitches.

  • LiberalMantra

    Coming up boxcars — what she would prefer the poors to live in.

    • FNMA

      You know who else…boxcars…shit, I can't do it…sorry…never mind…

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    If you didn't know any better you might think for a minute that Michele Bachmann is a supporter of a person's right to choose.

  • OneYieldRegular

    She has reached Joe Walshian proportions of dangerous, heartlessly oblivious imbecility.

    • FNMA

      She was there first, I believe.

  • Terry

    Michele Bachmann evidently has never been to the emergency room of a hospital that takes indigent people. I would say that I wish that she was forced to work in such an emergency room, say pushing wheel chairs, beds, and the like, but I'd honestly not want to force her on people who tend to be in a very stressful or painful condition anyway.

    • HateMachine

      Maybe she could clean the bedpans.

    • FNMA

      Yeah, that would be great. "So, you chose to have a heart attack today?"

    • Ruhe

      Back to the Broccoli argument: maybe everyone doesn't want or can't afford to buy the broccoli but everybody consumes it. Ginsburg was so close to getting attorney Clement to admit in Tuesday's arguments that this conundrum exists because the states all have laws requiring hospitals to treat emergency patients regardless of ability to pay. I was surprised actually that he didn't just flat out bite and say "yeah, get rid of those emergency care laws and, boom! the market doesn't bear that cost anymore so no need for the mandate." I have no doubt that a huge majority of the people in Clement's camp would embrace that idea lustily.

  • BornInATrailer

    You never count your money when you're lyin' on the table.
    There'll be time enough for countin' when the surgeon's done.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    There's fever in the funk house now-w-w-w-w-w.

  • Hey Mickey Mouse Bachmann? The only problem with your comment is THE HOUSE ALWAYS LOSES, YOU DUMB BUNNY IDIOT!

  • Generation[redacted]

    Look, if I choose to not have health insurance, live under a bridge and starve, that's my right as an American and I don't want any of you big gubmint libruls interfering with that, no matter how much I beg!

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Oh, hey, I could use that Anatole France quotation about the majestic equality of the law here, but I just posted it yesterday, so I'll just go with the oblique reference instead.

      Also, many people choose to work in industries where they get laid off. That lack of foresight is pretty sad for them, but those are the breaks. Jesus said so.

  • SpiderCrab

    Thank you Mrs. GoodChristian. You have such a lovely set of Liberty U ethics. Jerry would be proud.

  • Rebecca, hahaha, you want us to link to a how many pages' worth of — oooh, cool lookie here:

    The share of poor employees who had ESI* dropped from 37% in 2001 to 30% by 2005 and among the near-poor dropped from 59% to 52%, while among those with the highest incomes, ESI rates stayed at over 92%

    *ESI = Employer-sponsored insurance.
    Continuing (this was from p. 22 btw)

    The main reason for this change was because fewer employees worked for employers who sponsored health benefits. Over 70% of the decline in job-based coverage was due to loss of employer sponsorship, eligibility, or loss of job-based coverage as a dependent of another worker. About a quarter of the drop was due to employees not participating in health benefits offered to them.

    Your theory is only partially formed, Miche1e — I know where you can get it aborted in time to raise a fresh crop of ideas that are wanted, though, if you so 'choose.'

  • Sure, I could have an 80 room mansion and four solid gold helicopters on my paltry income, but I simply choose not to. I'll roll the dice and take my chances that I won't need them. Why? I'm a rebel, baby.

  • Steverino247

    I'm tired of talking like insurance agents. I want healthcare, not insurance. If I break my leg, I want it set and some pain meds. If some microscopic critters are trying to kill me, I want those fuckers eliminated.

    Two things prevent this: Greed and female reproduction. If humans just left their gametes on the kitchen floor and walked away like fish leave theirs and swim away, then we could have healthcare. But noooooo, we have to associate guilt with reproduction so as to make the stupid among us into dupes for the greedy.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Oh, go fuck yourself with a Slugbox© Brand tentacle. I'm feeling too foul for anything more clever or conforming to comment guidelines.

  • dinkybossetti

    One argument that the government was trying to make is that somehow health care is uniquely different. … Health insurance is not uniquely different.

    Health CARE and health INSURANCE are not, in fact, the same thing. Just because in this country the two have become so conflated that we have to have the latter in order to afford the former does not make them the same thing. At some point or another, everyone will participate in the health care system, whether or not they "participate" in health insurance. Wouldn't it be better for all of us if everyone were required to participate?

    Or should I just move to Canada if I am into that kind of oppression?

  • BlueStateLibel

    And by the same token, Michele Bachmann CHOSE not to be POTUS by running a shitty campaign that completely exposed her as a psychotic bitch.

    • So why should anyone go to Walnuts' party and help her pay off the campaign debt she CHOSE to run up?

    • billy_reuben

      To be fair, God set her up for that one. She pointed that out up front pretty clearly.

  • Pap Finn

    If the Civil War hadn't led to the abolition of slavery, I'd say that it's a pity Lincoln didn't just let these ignorant, sadistic, goddamned, fucking sonsabitches toddle off to regress to the 5th Century on their own, instead of keeping them around to drag the rest of us down with them.

  • Antispandex

    You know, Michelle, all of that "dice rolling" is the reason so many E.R.'s are over crowded…or closed. But fuck it! You're rich! No problem!

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Huh. Seems somehow ironic, or something, that she would use this gambling metaphor on National Tax On People Who Don't Understand Probability Day.

  • stncmchnc

    Engay it? Thanks Michele, for confirming what is really on your mind. Freudian schlep.

  • rickmaci

    Republican Health Care Plan.
    1. Don't get sick or injured.
    2. If you become seriously ill or injured, die quickly.

  • Eve8Apples

    I want her to tell that to the Teabagger Hoveround ridin' medicare and medicaid recipients at her rallies/indoctrination ceremonies. No government provided Hoverounds for you because you gambled on your mobility and lost.

  • HelmutNewton

    This coming from someone who's been on taxpayer-subsidized health insurance for most of her adult life. Grrrrr! I hate these people!

  • owhatever

    Michelle Bachmann on Sean Hannity. I missed that collision of intellects in favor of watching a rerun of The Gong Show.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Really? There's "Gong Show" reruns??

  • mavenmaven

    Because if people got proper medical care, there wouldn't be any need for Chicken Soup for the Deathly Ill or Jesus.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Get real people, do you think your pre-existing condition is the insurance companies' fault! Take some responsibility, this is Amurika.

  • horsedreamer_1

    I am glad Ron Johnson "won" that seat in the Senate, or he would have chosen to go without insurance for hmself, his wife, & kids.

    (Seriously, that Randroid, Mac Ivor frontman only ran 'cause his in-laws were sick of him sucking off the family teat.)

  • Troubledog

    If Jesus wanted people to have health insurance, all the heterosexual white people would have insurance already. So, duh. It's a choice. Wake up, sheeple.

  • HippieEsq

    "Health" is just a myth made up by rich doctors, just like global warming was made up by all those Ferrari-driving climate scientists.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I remember the four years or so that I "chose" not to have medical insurance. I had just moved to Seattle and couldn't find full-time work. The work I could find was contract, and paltry. I managed to pay the rent ($300/month), but when it came to health insurance, I was quoted a wonderful rate of $1,300/month (since I had been diagnosed as diabetic at age 17).

    Seeing as how I was making about $800/month, I didn't really think of my lack of health insurance as a "choice", you know, like abortion, but I guess it was!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Of course, there ARE young, healthy people who could probably afford health insurance and do choose not to purchase it – I guess what One-L is saying is that these people should be required to purchase health insurance, is that it?

  • MistaEko

    Michelle needs to take a clue from Journey. When you roll the dice, you're paying anything to do so.

    /The Morans Don't Stop Believing FoxNews.

  • AutomaticPilot

    Reminds me of the good ol' days when Ronnie Reagan said some people choose to be homeless.

  • doloras

    Why are we here? Because we're here. Roll the bones.

  • James Michael Curley

    Women think I'm tasty, but they're always tryin' to waste me
    And make me burn the candle right down

  • As someone who has worked her ass off at many shitty jobs, with no benefits whatsoever, and did not see a doctor or dentist for close to a decade, fuck you, Shelly.

  • barto

    Somewhere around the year 2025 health insurance premiums will consume the ENTIRE INCOME of the average family of four. That's pretty dicey, IMO.

    Single-payer, anyone?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
  • wolvenwood13

    Right, I choose not to have health insurance just like I choose to be sick with…something. Here's a true story: It took the doctors 15 damn years just to figure out I have low thyroid; and that was only after I researched and diagnosed myself; then I had to fight to get the right medication. Damn medical community took 15 years of my life away and destroyed my health which is why I can't work today and have no $ for health insurance. The truth is I DO choose to not pay for health insurance, even though I have no $ because medical care in the U.S. is a worthless piece of shit.

  • NYNYNYjr

    Rape is a gift and a choice.That's why in the Bible (Deuteronomy 22) women are put to death for being raped, because, pro-life, the baby, heaven. BIBLE.

  • Warpde

    Your presence is requested in the parlor.
    God and Einstein want to have a word with you on shooting craps.

  • EBGrey

    Is it humorous or tragic that Justice Alito echoed some of the very same points Bachman makes above?

    BTW, the GOP has devolved to the point that their talking point RE the uninsured is, effectively, "@#$! 'em."

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