CONCERN TROLL IS CONCERNED  9:50 am March 30, 2012

Peggy Noonan Knows That Even Democrats Will Not Be That Sad When Obama Loses

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Did she mention she saw a Mexican?What ho, a missive from Ol’ Whatsername, the Dowager Countess, Peggeth Blah Blah Etc. (PEGGY NOONAN. HER NAME IS PEGGY NOONAN AND SHE WOULD LIKE TO SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA.) Peggy Noonan is sorry — really, you can feel her tender concern — at Barack Obama’s stubborn insistence on dividing the country and making Republicans hate him. It is his fault, though; he did insist on being and winning election as a Democrat, and a “suntanned” one at that. But Peggy has a particular bill of charges against His Excellency The Great Usurper, and if the bailiff would read them now:

*For he has been too clever and “devious” in forging a compromise that would allow women to have basic preventative care covered by their insurance while also keeping the Church from having to pay for it.

Then his operatives flooded the airwaves with dishonest—not wrongheaded, dishonest—charges that those who defend the church’s religious liberties are trying to take away your contraceptives.

It is also dishonest to point out that the Church getting its Holy Balls in an Uproar over an insurance company offering contraception to its employees when it has no hand in paying for it seems to be the very epitome of the Church trying to take away your contraceptives. Because we are dishonest.

*For he has been Creepy in colluding with Our Number One Enemy The Russians.

There was the open-mic conversation with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev in which Mr. Obama pleaded for “space” and said he will have “more flexibility” in his negotiations once the election is over and those pesky voters have done their thing.

Because it would be dishonest of President Terrible to acknowledge reality in that before an election he can count on getting even less support from Congress than usual.

*For he has been both too underwhelming and too whelming in his remarks on the death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin.

At the end of the day, the public reaction seemed to be: “Hey buddy, we don’t need you to personalize what is already too dramatic, it’s not about you.”

We go to different cocktail parties than does Ms. Noonan, and apparently know a different “public” as well. Also we are dishonest.

*For he is a poor simpleton who doesn’t understand the Constitution.

Now this week the Supreme Court arguments on ObamaCare, which have made that law look so hollow, so careless, that it amounts to a characterological indictment of the administration. The constitutional law professor from the University of Chicago didn’t notice the centerpiece of his agenda was not constitutional? How did that happen?

Ooooh, oooooh, pick me! Pick me! “It happened because every single person who had ever supported this reform — i.e., every single Republican back when it was a Hoover Institute Heritage Foundation proposal and a Mitt Romney program, because the Impostor does have a sad tendency to try to compromise too much — has now discovered it is unconstitutional when passed by a Democrat.” Too easy, try something harder please.

*For he has ignored the economy in favor of health care.

The president had his mind on health care. And, to be fair-minded, health care was part of the economic story. But only a part! And not the most urgent part. Not the most frightening, distressing, immediate part. Not the ‘Is America over?’ part.

So what we’re hearing is: Peggy Noonan has insurance. That is very nice for her! Next time she is an unemployed single mother without insurance and the radiologist is making “oh shit” faces about the breast masses while stammering that she doesn’t have a breast cancer diagnosis “yet,” she can be sure to tell us how not frightening, not distressing, and not immediate it is.

*For he has not made cooperation happen.

An American president has to make cooperation happen.

[...]

*For even his supporters will not be that sad when he loses.

If you jumped into a time machine to the day after the election, in November, 2012, and saw a headline saying “Obama Loses,” do you imagine that would be followed by widespread sadness, pain and a rending of garments? You do not. Even his own supporters will not be that sad.

Peggy Noonan saw a Mexican once, so she knows how we feel about Hopey, which is, of course: BURN HIM. [WSJ]

 
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{ 246 comments }

Mumbletypeg March 30, 2012 at 9:51 am

Ah but how *we* at wonkette feel about Dame Peggy — words alone cannot explaineth~

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

Skullfucking might, if we were still permitted that option.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 9:59 am

Crainum-boinking.

Preferred Customer March 30, 2012 at 10:00 am

I think it's still permissible as long as it is consensual.

not that Dewey March 30, 2012 at 10:10 am

Or metaphorical.

widestanceromance March 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

Or a term of endearment.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:19 am

I'm sure any form of sex is forbidden by Peggy Pinchnez.

widestanceromance March 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

Lust but terrify.

Barrelhse March 30, 2012 at 10:24 am

What ho.

chascates March 30, 2012 at 9:53 am

If only Reagan were still President.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

He's not?

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 9:59 am

He's rot.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:01 am

Rut roh!

arihaya March 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

He is with Breitbart now.

PuckStopsHere March 31, 2012 at 1:27 am

Still glad Breitbart is dead. In case you were wondering.

MaxUdargo March 30, 2012 at 4:31 pm

He was characterologically superior.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 9:55 am

Can a woman be a DICK?

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:02 am

Dick Santorum?

Preferred Customer March 30, 2012 at 10:09 am

Is there any other kind?

Gleem McShineys March 30, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Well, when Noonington begats a Pegging upon you…

boobookitteh March 30, 2012 at 10:02 am

There might be an equivalent word for a woman that refers to genitalia, but it escapes me at the moment.

Texan_Bulldog March 30, 2012 at 10:13 am

It's on the tip of Rush's tongue.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:20 am

Can I borrow your brain bleach now? I'm sure that was unintentional.

boobookitteh March 30, 2012 at 10:27 am

Right? I don't need that image haunting my weekend.

Barb March 30, 2012 at 10:19 am

BooBoo, love the kitten with a hoodie avatar.

boobookitteh March 30, 2012 at 10:27 am

Thanks!

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 5:09 pm

A kitteh who stands for something besides rubbing his back on the carpet? Booyah!

Barb March 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

Ann Coulter has a dick. Does that count?

LetUsBray March 30, 2012 at 10:27 am

As the late, great Molly Ivins pointed out in a discussion of Camille Paglia, a woman can certainly be an asshole. As the Nooner here demonstrates.

HELisforHEL March 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm

And as Diane Noomin's character Didi Glitz once said, "Asshole-ism is not gender specific".

CZL March 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

Just invent a new definition for a Noonan: a seething, ripe-to-burst pustule on the inside of an asscheek.

Laissez_Queer March 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

I thought "noonan" referred to the flaking crust lining the edges of a dry, aging neglected vagina.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:47 am

I thought that was althouse.

Jukesgrrl March 31, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I think that's more appropriate. I associate all pustule analogies with Rush.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:47 am

Does that add to or cause santorum?

stncmchnc March 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

Like a man can be a cunt.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

You're familiar with Drudge's work, I see.

stncmchnc March 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Mainly through his disciple Breitbart.

SorosBot March 30, 2012 at 9:56 am

Saying that the church's desire to take away contraceptives would (and does) result in taking away your contraceptives is dishonest in the same way the Paul Ryan budget's elimination of Medicare would eliminate Medicare was the "lie of the year".

OC_Surf_Serf March 30, 2012 at 9:56 am

Noonan needs to put an aspirin between her lips as everything that comes out of her mouth is fucking stupid.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 11:12 am

Noonan is the Tim Tebow of right wing punditry.

vodkamuppet March 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Why not cyanide?

MittsHairHelmet March 30, 2012 at 9:56 am

Characterological? Is that even a word?

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 9:58 am

It's like bacterialogical, except in this case, it speaks to a lack of character on Nooners part.

Chill-A-Sketch March 30, 2012 at 9:59 am

Cantankerous is.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:00 am

She cantankerous self like no woman I've ever seen, even the worst barflies.

DetectiveGrey March 30, 2012 at 10:15 am

She might have meant to say "Categorical". Fundamentally, obviously. Also, too. Elitism.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:21 am

It would be nice if her neologisms would actually contribute to the language, not kite a check against it.

DetectiveGrey March 30, 2012 at 11:11 am
Boojum March 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Chemicological would describe her state of mind.

terriblyfamous March 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

Fuck no, it isn't. Peggy Noonan is required to invent one new word per column. She usually does this by adding ~*~embellishmentals~*~.

Baconzgood March 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

It's a perfectly cromulent word. Like Embiggens.

Chill-A-Sketch March 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

I wasn't sad when Raygunn died, that's for sure.

DetectiveGrey March 30, 2012 at 10:14 am
Biff March 30, 2012 at 4:11 pm

June 5th is circled on my calendar.

doloras March 30, 2012 at 4:50 pm

"I Laughed When You Cried When Ronald Reagan Died" – great bumper sticker

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

Wine much, Peggy?

Boojum March 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm

And pills. Don't forget pills!

Preferred Customer March 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

"The constitutional law professor from the University of Chicago didn’t notice that Anthony Kennedy thinks the centerpiece of his agenda is not constitutional? How did that happen?"

Fixed. Let us all bow down before Justice Kennedy, for he is the final arbiter of what is and is not Constitutional in this country.

Pop_Socket March 30, 2012 at 10:34 am

Sadly, your sarcasm is closer to the truth than I would care admit.

Boojum March 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

Dame Nooningham, of Nooninghamshire, has developed a compacted fecal mass, of Republican origin, which has collected in the bony cranial cavity often identified as a locus for intercourse, known colloquially as the skull.

Mumbletypeg March 30, 2012 at 9:58 am

Peggy decries Obama "operatives" '"charges that those who defend the church’s religious liberties are trying to take away your contraceptives."

This is what Teh Peggington is so swift at: Swapping the gist of each of two scenarios to confuse the reader which is the agitator. When in fact the church is behaving as though [rephrasing]:

"Those who defend their contraceptives are trying to take away your church's religious liberties."

This would be the perception being played out by the pseudo-victimized against their mock oppressors; not the other way around.

SayItWithWookies March 30, 2012 at 11:13 am

It is the logical oversight of all these small-government advocates that the Constitution prevents government from telling you what you can do in order for some other organization to tell you what to do. A fundamental misunderstanding of how one protects rights.

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 9:58 am

Other than a vagina, I have nothing in common with this person whatsoever.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:01 am

Jury's still out on hers.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 10:04 am

Though, it was probably just in there. I hear there is room for 12 angry men.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:22 am

I'm sure they weren't Fonda being there.

chascates March 30, 2012 at 10:05 am

You both were born in a foreign country, right? You in England and Peggy in the 19th century Vatican.

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 10:15 am

Our hair is also a similar colour, so there's that.

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 11:33 am

I find this post easy to, well, you know…

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 11:36 am

Go right ahead, my love!

weej_bain March 30, 2012 at 10:21 am

Peggy in the 10th century Vatican

/ fixed

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:23 am

Torquemama

stncmchnc March 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

What a show.

ThundercatHo March 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

Yes, dear but you use yours for something other than a place to hide your flask. btw, great baby name. I esp love Juniper Belle. If she were my granddaughter I'd have to call her Junie B.

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

Thanks, I love Juniper Belle, as well, I am going to call her that when she can respond to a name. I cal her Baby X right now.

LesBontemps March 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

After Malcom, right?

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

Baby the Tenth?

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 11:35 am

Ha, she is Baby 2, baby 3 arrives in August .Wheeee, babies aplenty!

Barb March 30, 2012 at 10:32 am

Hey Sis, I just saw on the twitter thingy that it is National Cleavage Day. Be sure to make sure your "girls" are perky today.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

So today, we can say "Tits or GTFO" and hope we might actually see some?

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 10:47 am

OK! I will hoist them up, put on a really low-cut top and head out into Hollywood, where they will go unnoticed among all the 20 somethings with fake tits.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

This is precisely why I can never get any information from the Weather Channel when Stephanie Abrams is on.

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 11:32 am

And here I thought it was Cesar Chavez Day. No, it's Cleavage Day.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 11:06 am

Peggatha's vagina is a rattling, unlubricated contraption of gears and levers, like the automaton in "Hugo", which was used only once to fabricate an unluckily Noonan-mothered offspring. Her ex-husband still collects workmen's compensation for his amputated penis.

CivicHoliday March 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

Actually I'm pretty sure she, ann coulter and phyllis schlafly have a time share agreement on the vag. Kinda like shared custody – one rental a month.

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I think Ann Coulter has hers permanently on loan to someone else.

CivicHoliday March 30, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Oh that's right, I forgot that crying-man John Boehner has had it for the better part of a decade

Baconzgood March 30, 2012 at 9:59 am

NOONAN! NOOOONAN! MISS IT MISS IT. NOOOONAN AHHHHHHHH!

AddHomonym March 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

Sit down, Peggy…

Barb March 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

Baconz, why does that make me laugh every time?

Baconzgood March 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

I'm glad you laugh at it Barb.

How about a Fresca?

Barb March 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

I still say "noonan!" when I am watching football, lol. Especially when the field goal kicker is out.

I haven't had a Fresca in years. I drank a Tab the other day and felt like hurling.

starfanglednut March 30, 2012 at 11:27 am

Tab still exists?

It shall forever in my mind be linked with Ms. Magazine. My mom used to sit on the couch, reading Ms. magazine and drinking tab, though hers probably had vodka in it.

succalina March 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

I hath so missed Dame Noonington!
If she was on Downton Abbey, she would be drunk, shrill, and catty. And also the one that masturbates to Dear Old Ronny…

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 9:59 am

Holy Balls

Editrix, it's really unfair of you to join in the Comment-o-the-Day competition…

Goonemeritus March 30, 2012 at 9:59 am

I guess Obama has been pandering to ladies just like Jesus pandered to big leprosy and that didn’t work out well for him either.

elviouslyqueer March 30, 2012 at 10:01 am

In related news, every time Peggy Noonan masturbates to the Ghost of Ronald Reagan, a kitten wielding a hot pink dildo dies.

fredbell March 30, 2012 at 10:01 am

She HAS health insurance…Jesus Christ…How tough can it be for her to keep on her meds?

FlipOffResearch March 30, 2012 at 10:02 am

"At the end of the day, the public reaction seemed to be: “Hey buddy, we don’t need you to personalize what is already too dramatic, it’s not about you.”

Yeah, if he was Bush he would have taken advantage of the tragedy to lie us into a war.

PubOption March 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

I also seem to remember something about a woman on life support in a Florida hospital.

glamourdammerung March 30, 2012 at 10:56 am

I recall similar tactics when Saint Reagan invaded Grenada.

succalina March 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

It's so fucked up that she chooses the term "dramatic" instead of tragic. A black 13 year-old has been murdered and its "dramatic"???????

bikerlaureate March 30, 2012 at 1:34 pm

A revealing word choice, there.

Good catch.

memzilla March 30, 2012 at 10:04 am

Tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing… meet Peggy Noonington. Ms. Noonington, this is Tale.

Oh, you've met already? Well, I'll just leave you two alone to catch up, then.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 10:05 am

Lying cunt.* *Intended to be a factual statement.

SteveMcCroskey March 30, 2012 at 10:07 am

Another dispatch from Lady Peggington? Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit laudanum…

freakishlywrong March 30, 2012 at 10:07 am

Delusional twunt is drunk and or high. Or both.

yyyaz March 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

High? Balls. With respect to the great Dame Parker, the Noonester's emotional repertoire runs the gamut from y to z. She could drink all the Brompton's in Blighty and produce nothing more pleasurable than a belch.

LetUsBray March 30, 2012 at 10:08 am

Noonington's schtick is to sound all Sad and Concerned when she spouts the same skunk shit from the Reich Wing propaganda mill that the rest of the mouthpieces spew. It's like how George Will's bit is to wear a bow tie and thumb through a thesaurus and Bartlett's Quotations while lying like the rug on top of his head. But while they're the Country Club variety of shit-sprayer rather than the Trailer Park line, the whole fucking lot of them have the exact same marching, or rather goose-stepping, orders.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

Bravo.

mattbenzing March 30, 2012 at 11:28 am

Double bravo

PeaceWithHonor March 30, 2012 at 10:08 am

This is worse than wrong, it's just sloppy. Here's what happens when you write the last paragraph first.

slowhansolo March 30, 2012 at 10:10 am

characterological

Old drunk hack likes to make up old drunk words!

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

Chortle.

Lucidamente1 March 30, 2012 at 10:10 am

Too bad couch fainting isn't an Olympic sport. Peggy would bring home the gold every time.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

And accept it while their National Tantrum played.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:27 am

She'd perfect the Fosbury Flop: over the back of the couch, landing squarely on the cushions just as she faints dead away.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 10:32 am

"Frank, I think I am getting a sick headache."

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

Brilliant! When will she transmogrify into a Crow?

starfanglednut March 30, 2012 at 11:29 am

I think she got the gold for pearl clutching though.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

Is it martini time already?

Well who am I to argue.

P.S. i.e., every single Republican back when it was a Hoover Institute proposal and a Mitt Romney program

I thought it was A.E.I., originally? (Of course, A.E.I., Hoover Institute = same shit, different day.) Anyways, this shows what happens when you adopt a Republican idea. They're all crap.
~

Lucidamente1 March 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

I think our beloved Editrix means Heritage Foundation.

Chichikovovich March 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

The foundation whose motto is "It's about Heritage, not Hate".

glamourdammerung March 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

There is so much overlap with those groups that it is easy to confuse them. Especially when they swap out folks so often for that sweet, sweet wingnut welfare.

FakaktaSouth March 30, 2012 at 10:15 am

I genuinely prefer the in your face dickitude of a Rush Limbaugh, with his, yeah-I-said-it – go-fuck-yourself plain talk to false premise analysis from a consistently drunken, polysyllabic, pseudo intellectual. So I guess it really IS all my fault.

PuckStopsHere March 31, 2012 at 1:37 am

Slut.

Redhead March 30, 2012 at 10:15 am

"But only a part! And not the most urgent part. Not the most frightening, distressing, immediate part."

And what would that be, Peggy? Ending the shortages of adderol, ritalin and vicodin?

terriblyfamous March 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

I think she's talking about someone's penis here.

Texan_Bulldog March 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

I, for one, will be very sad if Barry loses. It will basically mean that 51% of the country has lost its fucking mind and is okay with blatant racism, a gun stand display at Baby's R Us, more pity (aka tax breaks) for billionaires while women get returned to chattel status, the environment goes further to hell and for the love of God, let's invade another fucking country (Iran)! I need some of Peggy's Xanax.

HELisforHEL March 30, 2012 at 1:38 pm

You said it best, Bulldog.

Joshua Norton March 30, 2012 at 10:16 am

On the bright side, Lady Noonington has a predictive track record that is only surpassed in its wrongness by one Wm. Kristol-nacht.

Therefore, attention must not be paid.

TheGyrus March 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

Its pronounced "Noonington."

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

But spelled "Dumb-fucking-idjit-moron-literati-wannabe"

arihaya March 30, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I'm new about this "Noonington" thing, will anyone explain why is she called that?

TheGyrus March 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I'm not sure there's a reason, she's just always been called that.

IncenseDebate March 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

Same voice coach Madonna uses to affect her royal accent? What a phony.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:18 am

Peggy Pinchnez is vying for the cover of Cruella DeVille Quarterly, I guess.

MadBrahms March 30, 2012 at 10:19 am

Headline stopped seeming plausible when I reached the word "knows".

DetectiveGrey March 30, 2012 at 10:20 am

All I can really imagine when I hear Peggy Noonan's name is a giant powdered wig, two monocles, and a nose long enough to poke the eyes out of whatever she looks down it at.

teebob2000 March 30, 2012 at 10:20 am

For your own mental well-being do NOT read the WSJ comments. It's freepers with Masters degrees (or access to online thesauruses).

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 10:21 am

"At this point in the column we usually sigh." – Dame Peggington Noonington

At that point on the column I was yelling "Fuck you, you drunken oligarch's meat garage!", or some variant of that phrase, for several minutes and forcibly restraining myself from pounding Shots.

FraAnima March 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

I'm working on restraining myself from pounding my head on the table – or against a brick wall – for the rest of the year.

elviouslyqueer March 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

Oh please. And that point in the column, most of her readers had already jizzed their shorts, stopped reading, smoked a cigarette, and fired up last week's DVR'd installment of Jersey Shore.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 10:43 am

Fair enough. I have to admit skimming over the more egregious bits as I've smashed my entire quota of furniture for the month. Good thing April's almost here.

starfanglednut March 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

Meat garage ftw.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:34 am

Thank you. I love that descriptive and try to use it judiciously. I think it works here.

Not_So_Much March 30, 2012 at 10:22 am

Does she dictate this pablum or just drone it into her Siri as she shits it out from atop her lonely, golden throne?

elviouslyqueer March 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

"Hello Mistress Greatest Scribe in the Known Universe Noonan, how may I help you with your word vomit today?"*

*Intended to be a factually reenacted quote from Peggeth's personal Siri.

SaintRond March 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

That cunt.

boobookitteh March 30, 2012 at 10:28 am

That's the word I was looking for.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 10:32 am

YES!!!

weej_bain March 30, 2012 at 10:28 am

All these Dame Noonington likes her drinkie winkies posts? Didn't we get spanked for that a while back?

Fuck it, Peggy Noonan is a dystopia-enabling souse. Ah, feel better already.

Aridzona March 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

In her younger days, many years ago, she was known as Peggy Nooner and was a frequent invitee to lunch.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 10:36 am

It WOULD have to be many. I bet the time machine she mentioned would have been needed.

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 11:10 am

Not with yours, my friend. Not with yours.

freakishlywrong March 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

This from someone who voted for Palin.

deanbooth March 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm

That's a great retort to anything said by any Republican.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 10:33 am

Have we had our requisite BALLS – related comment today? No?

Okay, I'll give it a try.

In spite of all the elocution lessons, Dame Peggington Noonington
still sounds like she's trying to speak through a mouthful of BALLS.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

Nom, nom, nom.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 10:45 am

BALLS go in. BALLS come out. You can't explain it.

Blueb4sunrise March 30, 2012 at 10:37 am

Ya know who else made cooperation happen?

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

Genghis Kahn?

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

Mr. Rogers?

Baconzgood March 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

The GOP?…no wait.

doloras March 30, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Not Hitler.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

If more white women would conform their views, their credibility and their intellect in the fashion exemplified by the comprehensive mendacity of Peggy Noonan, our problems with The Colored in the White House would be over in November! Hate-filled white harpies at polling places, screaming and spitting at the few minorities still authorized to vote like it was 1954, would also be helpful.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 10:47 am

And, in those states that have "Stand your Ground" Laws, they will be free to exercise their First and Second Amendment rights freely. To the intended effect.

MoeDeLawn March 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

Oh, sweet pictures come to mind – those Boston mothers protesting busing in the 60s – some of the all-time hate-filled harpies…. (plus the added irony that it was in Massachusetts, not Montgomery…)

starfanglednut March 30, 2012 at 11:33 am

I was just a kid, but I remember that being an incredibly nasty business.

ThundercatHo March 30, 2012 at 10:38 am

Dear Miss Peggy,
Here
's my suggestion for this weekend: Go out to the garage and get the shop vac, stick the nozzle up your cooch and suck all the dust and cobwebs out. Next, have a nice douche (for you, I suggest strawberry) and get the whole place nice and clean. After this go get a good bikini wax, in fact, go Brazilian. Now go to your liquor and medicine cabinet and really load up so you can be nice and loose. Okay, here comes the hard part. Find some Republican man to just really fuck your brains out. I know you've probably forgotten since it's been awhile but a good fuck can really clear your mind and improve your disposition. Try it and let me know.
Fondles,
T.Ho

Baconzgood March 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

I find this statement difficult to masterbate to.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 10:55 am

I may never visit my garage or use my shop vac…again.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:18 am

I may never masturbate again.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 10:58 am

"Allen West, gallant Moorish Prince at your cervix, Dame Noonington!!"

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:39 am

Dammit. Here I am, all out of Brain Bleach.

IncenseDebate March 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

Noonan's columns amount to a thousand points of shite.

gurukalehuru March 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm

The shitty on the hill.

Jus_Wonderin March 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

I'm seeing stars from simply contemplating "meat garage".

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

It's one of my favorites.

HELisforHEL March 30, 2012 at 1:40 pm

It's up there with 'Balogna Curtains'

Toomush_Infer March 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

Forsooth, the only thing We can say about Dame Peggathy is that she's not a Slut…..stupid, out of touch cuntless wonder, with no part of her anatomy abridging the American public, might be added to the description…

Chichikovovich March 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

The constitutional law professor from the University of Chicago didn’t notice the centerpiece of his agenda was not constitutional? How did that happen?

Oh, my! Dame Peggy has discovered sarcasm! She's not too good at it though. Because I guarantee that whatever Kennedy may say, and whatever the three hand-groomed-from-law-school Federalist society political operatives disguised as Justices may say, and whatever the lazy, overrated slob who states things about the bill that are so demonstrably false (clauses removed before final passage), and so laden with Talk-radio slang as to make clear that his "knowledge" of what's in the bill comes not from actually reading the bill or even asking his clerks to read the bill and summarize, but just from Fox&Rush type media and forwarded emails from drinking buddies may say, whatever any of those five end up saying, there will be four Supreme Court Justices who say that the bill is constitutional start to finish. And I guarantee that their opinions will be more legally compelling than the "I'm going to appeal to an insanely broad principle that would stand Supreme Court jurisprudence on its head and wreak havoc, so this must never be used as a precedent for anything else, ever" principle introduced into legal history by Justice Scalia in Bush v. Gore.

[Coda: Additional perspective on SooperGenius Scalia: remember that this was someone who, in a case about eliminating obstacles to executing someone possibly innocent - a literally life and death matter - structured his questioning around his claim that prisoners always have a hope of executive clemency from the Governor, clearly ignorant of the fact that three states don't allow such clemency. Couldn't even be bothered to ask one of his clerks to check. Lazy hack.]

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:27 am

I am no Constitutional Expert, but I'm convinced that the mandate should be found to be Constitutional and the Justices would have to really tie themselves in Logical Knots to find it not so. That said, the Court that brought us Bush V. Gore and Citizens' United among other lovelies makes me extremely nervous. If they slag the Medicaid expansion, they could conceivably redefine Federal power so radically that it would roll back the entire New Deal reforms enacted since 1937

As an aside,I'm convinced that the Justices don't want CSPAN to televise the Court's proceedings because they're afraid the cameras will catch Thomas sleeping or just fucking off and playing Angy Birds.

PuckStopsHere March 31, 2012 at 2:11 am

Chichikovich–u r best c'mtator of all time.

Pop_Socket March 30, 2012 at 10:45 am

I respectfully invite Ms. Noonan to go fuck herself.

imissopus March 30, 2012 at 2:48 pm

And nosh on a cocktail tray laden with lightly salted rat dicks, also.

PuckStopsHere March 31, 2012 at 2:12 am

She should go skull-fuck herself, actually.

terriblyfamous March 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

So if there's not a widespread sadness, pain and a rending of garments (WTF, is she Charles Dickens?), that means the electorate is like, "meh" about the election? It's either total pathos or total apathy?

TheSheriffsNear March 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

Becca, darling, I understand this is your blog/personal plaything/courage journal. And you really are a doing a fantastic job keeping up the place. However, and I say this with love, when it comes to all things Peggy Noonington, you should let Jim Newell handle it. That's what he was born to do.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 11:26 am

I thought this fresh angle on Noonan had just the right amount of outrage over the glittering apex of her prevarication.

Also, why does everybody feel free to patronize the new proprietress with personally-addressed comments, just because she's a woman? Were you all so afraid of Ken Layne? I guess I'm the only one who ever got uppity with him.

(Ms. Schoenkopf, please don't make any sudden movements, on account of my nose.)

HistoriCat March 30, 2012 at 11:59 am

I thought everyone was afraid of Ken Layne because he always seemed to be about one outrage away from pulling the plug on the whole damn site.

PuckStopsHere March 31, 2012 at 2:13 am

What Chet sed.

commiegirl March 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Jim is live-blegging elsewhere this week, just because he likes *money.* Gah.

__kth__ March 30, 2012 at 10:46 am

She probably had a point about lefties/liberals feeling betrayed by Obama, but she lost sight of it after the sixth wine spritzer or so.

ManchuCandidate March 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

Apparently, Conchita (the maid) has been spiking Dame Noonington's Oxy/Viccoden/Valium cocktail with LSD.

SheriffJoeBiden March 30, 2012 at 10:49 am

Zeitgeist (n.): literally, the "spirit of the times." ANTONYMS: Peggy Noonan, Wall Street Journal

glamourdammerung March 30, 2012 at 10:50 am

The funny part is that she clearly handles her drugs better than Andy Breitbart did.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

To be fair, she's had much more time to build up a physiological tolerance.

glamourdammerung March 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

She probably gets too blitzed to wander around screaming incoherence at strangers too and straining the heart too bad.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:10 am

Yeah, and she's obviously into the Downers, rather than the Uppers. Less stress. Look how long Keith Richards has been around.

anniegetyerfun March 30, 2012 at 11:01 am

I work with a woman who is just like this. Every day is a struggle to maintain my composure when she opens her mouth.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:17 am

Does your state have a "Stand Your Ground" law?

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 11:43 am

Let's try this again.

Take a deep breath, let it halfway out, then slowly squeeze that curved piece of metal that makes the weapon discharge, because the first syllable in that name for that curved piece of metal makes your comment go away (hint: It sounds like the name of a certain former Alaskan Governor's son). It is also the name of Roy Rogers' horse.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Trigger trigger trigger.

PuckStopsHere March 31, 2012 at 2:17 am

Maybe that's what Santorum was trying to say.

glamourdammerung March 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

Oh my….I did not know what this cretin looked like. I thought that pic was the mother from "Arrested Development".

el_donaldo March 30, 2012 at 11:12 am

She's a mean drunk.

WiscDad March 30, 2012 at 11:12 am

She's absolutely correct. We will NOT be upset when he loses…cause he's not going to lose.

WiscDad March 30, 2012 at 11:16 am

In psychology, that approach would be called inception. Planting dreams of what's to come in peoples minds. Won't work on me. I'm immune cause I wear a tinfoil hat.

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 11:40 am

Do steel Colanders work too? Just wondering.

HistoriCat March 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Of course not – colanders have holes!

C_R_Eature March 30, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Dammit! that gets me every time. It's hard out there for a Pastafarian.

smitallica March 30, 2012 at 11:17 am

You want to see joy and jubilation caused by a news headline? How about "Noonan Stricken Mute."

imissopus March 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm

"Noonan Loses Both Hands in Horrible Martini Mixer Mishap, Will Never Type Again"

Ben Cisco March 30, 2012 at 11:23 am

Nooners could use one, badly.

Or perhaps it was done badly last time.

ETA: Or in other words, what ThundercatHo said.

BTWBFDIMHO March 30, 2012 at 11:27 am

Sounds like she has a pre-existential condition.

sullivanst March 30, 2012 at 11:33 am

The president had his mind on health care. And, to be fair-minded, health care was part of the economic story. But only a part! And not the most urgent part. Not the most frightening, distressing, immediate part. Not the ‘Is America over?’ part.

Uh, Peggy, hon, you might care to take a brief look at at a CBO forecast to find out what is the principle driver of our long term deficit projections. Healthcare is not just "a" part of the economy, it's the biggest part of our economy, at about 17% and growing.

HELisforHEL March 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Silly Puss! Dame Nooninshire dost not require facts or any of your other liberal, brain-using notions.

Chet Kincaid March 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Obama only pointed this out over and over, every time he talked about health care reform.

sullivanst March 30, 2012 at 5:10 pm

See HELisforHEL's comment ;)

dinkybossetti March 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

"do you imagine that would be followed by widespread sadness, pain and a rending of garments?"

I don't imagine that because, while I have been witness to people experiencing many different levels of pain and sadness, I have not once seen a person rend their garments.

I do remember people cheering in the streets of my Philly neighborhood when Obama was elected, which at the time was something I'd never witnessed – Americans reacting so jubilantly over the outcome of an election. So I guess maybe it isn't so far-fetched to think there would be rending of garments if he loses in November (which he won't).

DahBoner March 30, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Peggy Noonan

The trouble is that Mork from Ork talked like he was on speed, so the only thing I understood was "Noonan noonan"

NEEDS MOAR MINDY!!!!

Gainsbourg69 March 30, 2012 at 12:47 pm

"Then his operatives flooded the airwaves with dishonest—not wrongheaded, dishonest—charges that those who defend the church’s religious liberties are trying to take away your contraceptives."

The democratic party is tricking all you sluts.

HELisforHEL March 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I must say, in my best version of Dame Noonanness, that Our Dear Lady Rebecca Schoenkopf has written a supremely excellent post. It has gentled my heart with wonderful bouts of laughter and mirth. I bestow ever so many good graces upon it.

(Seriously–I loved this post.)

ttommyunger March 30, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Peggy and the Pope, sitting in a tree, K – I – S – S – I – N – G. Also, she is an ignorant, sold-out cunt, too, as well as.

wood50 March 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Sounds like someone lost her George W. "Bush" vibrator!

owhatever March 30, 2012 at 1:15 pm

She speaks and all I hear is Kardashian.

gurukalehuru March 30, 2012 at 1:45 pm

She's right, I would not be sad. Outraged, horrified, terrified, shocked, stunned and pretty much totally disgusted and disillusioned with the human species, especially those in the middle country of North America, but not sad. Sad doesn't begin to cover it.

finallyhappy March 30, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Her plastic surgery looks like she uses the House of Wax ala Vincent Price- like Callista.
If the Prez loses- I hope some of you will come and see me in Costa Rica.

BarackMyWorld March 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

PEGGY NOONAN. HER NAME IS PEGGY NOONAN AND SHE WOULD LIKE TO SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA.

Also, everybody thinks she got her writing job because she slept with Don Draper Ronald Reagan, even though she works twice as hard as the men-folk.

docterry6973 March 30, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I always read Peggy Noonan when I want to deepen my self-awareness, and she may be on to something here. I am a liberal and Obama has almost behaved like a liberal several times, yet I can't quite identify with the guy, can't feel like he is a guy from my neighborhood. There is just something about him that makes him seem distant, foreign, 'other', if you know what I mean. Strange that I just can't quite put my finger on it…

rickmaci March 30, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Her shrill screechy holier than thou Catholic school nun voice seeps through into her written words. How can I say this delicately? Peggy Noonan is an example of what causes Catholic college boys to decide they would prefer to date Jewish girls.

fuflans March 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

well i still like bamz.

that is all.

WonkCynic April 2, 2012 at 4:46 am

The problem with the po peoples dat be wantin' da Obarmer health insurance is dat they is still too uninformed to know 'bouts things like deductibles and what not. Once they be gettin' dat there insurance, they'll be finding out why everybody's been a bitchin' about it. "Hey! Obarmer! I gots insurance now. Why I has to pay dat there deductible? You means I still gots to pay for my healthcare with the money I don't gots even though I gots me some insurance?"

Nothing in this world is free. Especially when it comes with an attached mandatory premium and a sky high deductible. But telling dem po folks that they handsome nigga prince been a lyin' to dem while laughing behind their backs about how stupid they is be racist!

And the Grateful Dead can be heard at the rally playing "Come, Hear, Uncle Tom's band, la la la la la"

WonkCynic April 2, 2012 at 5:15 am

Meanwhile Rhianna, wearing a sleeveless Kony 2012 t-shirt, no bra, and skimpy panties, shakes her little black tushi. Mia Farrow (the "intelligent", "informed" white chick with the pretty smile) can be seen at the corner of the screen writing letters praising Obarmer for the wars he's preparing to start in Africa. Yes… the "intelligent" white hippie chicks protested Vietnam, but in the interest of obtaining more black babies for rich white movie stars to adopt, it has become necessary to send troops to Africa! Another excuse for our Uncle Tom Prez to get a bunch of poor redneck, black, and chilli shitter troops killed in useless wars. But hey! At least the fancy rich liberal white bitches will be able to continue their charade of giving a shit while turning a blind eye to the dead ragheads all over North Africa and Gaza.

Dear Prudence! Tell your sister to pull her head out of her ass!

actor212 March 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

How would that work? "You're my favorite skullfuck"?

widestanceromance March 30, 2012 at 10:36 am

"Skullf*cking you is God's work, so get on those knees, baby. We're gonna bring on the second coming"

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

Whole lotta shakin' goin' on!

Speaking of which, wife and I are going to cruiuse through Manhattan on 7/6 and stay at a B&B in Hempstead, instead. Everybody wanted a two day stay. Bummer. Maybe next trip…

bikerlaureate March 30, 2012 at 1:33 pm

It wil be a great day when a Lizzette or two get their own IntenseDebate accounts and join us here…

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Well, next trip we shall meet up and have dinner and I will show you the town.

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

A very tempting offer indeed. And now I know your hair color so I have two ways to identify you in a crowd. Hee hee.

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I am near impossible to find in a crowd, due to the shortness.

Steverino247 March 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm

I am near impossible to miss in a crowd, due to the tallness (2m). However, thanks to my days as a scout, I almost always see my target first–and "I hear" parts of you arrive before the rest of you.

Plus, my wife is short (5'3") so I have years of experience!

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm

They are not genetically related to me, unfortunately, they are MrLimeylizzie's twin daughters' children.

Limeylizzie March 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

MrLimeylizzie at 6'3' can usually find me by looking above the crowd, and yes, some bits of me get there first, indeed.

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