concern troll is concerned

Peggy Noonan Knows That Even Democrats Will Not Be That Sad When Obama Loses

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Did she mention she saw a Mexican?What ho, a missive from Ol’ Whatsername, the Dowager Countess, Peggeth Blah Blah Etc. (PEGGY NOONAN. HER NAME IS PEGGY NOONAN AND SHE WOULD LIKE TO SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA.) Peggy Noonan is sorry — really, you can feel her tender concern — at Barack Obama’s stubborn insistence on dividing the country and making Republicans hate him. It is his fault, though; he did insist on being and winning election as a Democrat, and a “suntanned” one at that. But Peggy has a particular bill of charges against His Excellency The Great Usurper, and if the bailiff would read them now:

*For he has been too clever and “devious” in forging a compromise that would allow women to have basic preventative care covered by their insurance while also keeping the Church from having to pay for it.

Then his operatives flooded the airwaves with dishonest—not wrongheaded, dishonest—charges that those who defend the church’s religious liberties are trying to take away your contraceptives.

It is also dishonest to point out that the Church getting its Holy Balls in an Uproar over an insurance company offering contraception to its employees when it has no hand in paying for it seems to be the very epitome of the Church trying to take away your contraceptives. Because we are dishonest.

*For he has been Creepy in colluding with Our Number One Enemy The Russians.

There was the open-mic conversation with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev in which Mr. Obama pleaded for “space” and said he will have “more flexibility” in his negotiations once the election is over and those pesky voters have done their thing.

Because it would be dishonest of President Terrible to acknowledge reality in that before an election he can count on getting even less support from Congress than usual.

*For he has been both too underwhelming and too whelming in his remarks on the death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin.

At the end of the day, the public reaction seemed to be: “Hey buddy, we don’t need you to personalize what is already too dramatic, it’s not about you.”

We go to different cocktail parties than does Ms. Noonan, and apparently know a different “public” as well. Also we are dishonest.

*For he is a poor simpleton who doesn’t understand the Constitution.

Sponsored Intermission

Now this week the Supreme Court arguments on ObamaCare, which have made that law look so hollow, so careless, that it amounts to a characterological indictment of the administration. The constitutional law professor from the University of Chicago didn’t notice the centerpiece of his agenda was not constitutional? How did that happen?

Ooooh, oooooh, pick me! Pick me! “It happened because every single person who had ever supported this reform — i.e., every single Republican back when it was a Hoover Institute Heritage Foundation proposal and a Mitt Romney program, because the Impostor does have a sad tendency to try to compromise too much — has now discovered it is unconstitutional when passed by a Democrat.” Too easy, try something harder please.

*For he has ignored the economy in favor of health care.

The president had his mind on health care. And, to be fair-minded, health care was part of the economic story. But only a part! And not the most urgent part. Not the most frightening, distressing, immediate part. Not the ‘Is America over?’ part.

So what we’re hearing is: Peggy Noonan has insurance. That is very nice for her! Next time she is an unemployed single mother without insurance and the radiologist is making “oh shit” faces about the breast masses while stammering that she doesn’t have a breast cancer diagnosis “yet,” she can be sure to tell us how not frightening, not distressing, and not immediate it is.

*For he has not made cooperation happen.

An American president has to make cooperation happen.

[…]

*For even his supporters will not be that sad when he loses.

If you jumped into a time machine to the day after the election, in November, 2012, and saw a headline saying “Obama Loses,” do you imagine that would be followed by widespread sadness, pain and a rending of garments? You do not. Even his own supporters will not be that sad.

Peggy Noonan saw a Mexican once, so she knows how we feel about Hopey, which is, of course: BURN HIM. [WSJ]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Ah but how *we* at wonkette feel about Dame Peggy — words alone cannot explaineth~

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Skullfucking might, if we were still permitted that option.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Crainum-boinking.

      • Preferred Customer

        I think it's still permissible as long as it is consensual.

        • not that Dewey

          Or metaphorical.

          • widestanceromance

            Or a term of endearment.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            How would that work? "You're my favorite skullfuck"?

          • widestanceromance

            "Skullf*cking you is God's work, so get on those knees, baby. We're gonna bring on the second coming"

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I'm sure any form of sex is forbidden by Peggy Pinchnez.

          • widestanceromance

            Lust but terrify.

    • Barrelhse

      What ho.

  • chascates

    If only Reagan were still President.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He's not?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        He's rot.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Rut roh!

    • arihaya

      He is with Breitbart now.

      • PuckStopsHere

        Still glad Breitbart is dead. In case you were wondering.

    • http://www.udargo.com MaxUdargo

      He was characterologically superior.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Can a woman be a DICK?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Dick Santorum?

      • Preferred Customer

        Is there any other kind?

        • Gleem McShineys

          Well, when Noonington begats a Pegging upon you…

    • boobookitteh

      There might be an equivalent word for a woman that refers to genitalia, but it escapes me at the moment.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        It's on the tip of Rush's tongue.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Can I borrow your brain bleach now? I'm sure that was unintentional.

          • boobookitteh

            Right? I don't need that image haunting my weekend.

      • Barb

        BooBoo, love the kitten with a hoodie avatar.

        • boobookitteh

          Thanks!

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            A kitteh who stands for something besides rubbing his back on the carpet? Booyah!

    • Barb

      Ann Coulter has a dick. Does that count?

    • LetUsBray

      As the late, great Molly Ivins pointed out in a discussion of Camille Paglia, a woman can certainly be an asshole. As the Nooner here demonstrates.

      • HELisforHEL

        And as Diane Noomin's character Didi Glitz once said, "Asshole-ism is not gender specific".

    • CZL

      Just invent a new definition for a Noonan: a seething, ripe-to-burst pustule on the inside of an asscheek.

      • Laissez_Queer

        I thought "noonan" referred to the flaking crust lining the edges of a dry, aging neglected vagina.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I thought that was althouse.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          I think that's more appropriate. I associate all pustule analogies with Rush.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Does that add to or cause santorum?

    • stncmchnc

      Like a man can be a cunt.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        You're familiar with Drudge's work, I see.

        • stncmchnc

          Mainly through his disciple Breitbart.

  • SorosBot

    Saying that the church's desire to take away contraceptives would (and does) result in taking away your contraceptives is dishonest in the same way the Paul Ryan budget's elimination of Medicare would eliminate Medicare was the "lie of the year".

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Noonan needs to put an aspirin between her lips as everything that comes out of her mouth is fucking stupid.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Noonan is the Tim Tebow of right wing punditry.

    • vodkamuppet

      Why not cyanide?

  • MittsHairHelmet

    Characterological? Is that even a word?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It's like bacterialogical, except in this case, it speaks to a lack of character on Nooners part.

    • http://wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

      Cantankerous is.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        She cantankerous self like no woman I've ever seen, even the worst barflies.

    • DetectiveGrey

      She might have meant to say "Categorical". Fundamentally, obviously. Also, too. Elitism.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        It would be nice if her neologisms would actually contribute to the language, not kite a check against it.

    • terriblyfamous

      Fuck no, it isn't. Peggy Noonan is required to invent one new word per column. She usually does this by adding ~*~embellishmentals~*~.

    • Baconzgood

      It's a perfectly cromulent word. Like Embiggens.

  • http://wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    I wasn't sad when Raygunn died, that's for sure.

    • DetectiveGrey
    • Biff

      June 5th is circled on my calendar.

    • doloras

      "I Laughed When You Cried When Ronald Reagan Died" – great bumper sticker

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wine much, Peggy?

    • Boojum

      And pills. Don't forget pills!

  • Preferred Customer

    "The constitutional law professor from the University of Chicago didn’t notice that Anthony Kennedy thinks the centerpiece of his agenda is not constitutional? How did that happen?"

    Fixed. Let us all bow down before Justice Kennedy, for he is the final arbiter of what is and is not Constitutional in this country.

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      Sadly, your sarcasm is closer to the truth than I would care admit.

  • Boojum

    Dame Nooningham, of Nooninghamshire, has developed a compacted fecal mass, of Republican origin, which has collected in the bony cranial cavity often identified as a locus for intercourse, known colloquially as the skull.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Peggy decries Obama "operatives" '"charges that those who defend the church’s religious liberties are trying to take away your contraceptives."

    This is what Teh Peggington is so swift at: Swapping the gist of each of two scenarios to confuse the reader which is the agitator. When in fact the church is behaving as though [rephrasing]:

    "Those who defend their contraceptives are trying to take away your church's religious liberties."

    This would be the perception being played out by the pseudo-victimized against their mock oppressors; not the other way around.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It is the logical oversight of all these small-government advocates that the Constitution prevents government from telling you what you can do in order for some other organization to tell you what to do. A fundamental misunderstanding of how one protects rights.

  • Limeylizzie

    Other than a vagina, I have nothing in common with this person whatsoever.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Jury's still out on hers.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Though, it was probably just in there. I hear there is room for 12 angry men.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I'm sure they weren't Fonda being there.

    • chascates

      You both were born in a foreign country, right? You in England and Peggy in the 19th century Vatican.

      • Limeylizzie

        Our hair is also a similar colour, so there's that.

        • Steverino247

          I find this post easy to, well, you know…

          • Limeylizzie

            Go right ahead, my love!

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Peggy in the 10th century Vatican

        / fixed

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Torquemama

          • stncmchnc

            What a show.

    • ThundercatHo

      Yes, dear but you use yours for something other than a place to hide your flask. btw, great baby name. I esp love Juniper Belle. If she were my granddaughter I'd have to call her Junie B.

      • Limeylizzie

        Thanks, I love Juniper Belle, as well, I am going to call her that when she can respond to a name. I cal her Baby X right now.

        • LesBontemps

          After Malcom, right?

        • Steverino247

          Baby the Tenth?

          • Limeylizzie

            Ha, she is Baby 2, baby 3 arrives in August .Wheeee, babies aplenty!

          • Steverino247

            Whole lotta shakin' goin' on!

            Speaking of which, wife and I are going to cruiuse through Manhattan on 7/6 and stay at a B&B in Hempstead, instead. Everybody wanted a two day stay. Bummer. Maybe next trip…

          • Limeylizzie

            Well, next trip we shall meet up and have dinner and I will show you the town.

          • Steverino247

            A very tempting offer indeed. And now I know your hair color so I have two ways to identify you in a crowd. Hee hee.

          • Limeylizzie

            I am near impossible to find in a crowd, due to the shortness.

          • Steverino247

            I am near impossible to miss in a crowd, due to the tallness (2m). However, thanks to my days as a scout, I almost always see my target first–and "I hear" parts of you arrive before the rest of you.

            Plus, my wife is short (5'3") so I have years of experience!

          • Limeylizzie

            MrLimeylizzie at 6'3' can usually find me by looking above the crowd, and yes, some bits of me get there first, indeed.

          • bikerlaureate

            It wil be a great day when a Lizzette or two get their own IntenseDebate accounts and join us here…

          • Limeylizzie

            They are not genetically related to me, unfortunately, they are MrLimeylizzie's twin daughters' children.

    • Barb

      Hey Sis, I just saw on the twitter thingy that it is National Cleavage Day. Be sure to make sure your "girls" are perky today.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        So today, we can say "Tits or GTFO" and hope we might actually see some?

      • Limeylizzie

        OK! I will hoist them up, put on a really low-cut top and head out into Hollywood, where they will go unnoticed among all the 20 somethings with fake tits.

        • C_R_Eature

          This is precisely why I can never get any information from the Weather Channel when Stephanie Abrams is on.

      • Steverino247

        And here I thought it was Cesar Chavez Day. No, it's Cleavage Day.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Peggatha's vagina is a rattling, unlubricated contraption of gears and levers, like the automaton in "Hugo", which was used only once to fabricate an unluckily Noonan-mothered offspring. Her ex-husband still collects workmen's compensation for his amputated penis.

    • CivicHoliday

      Actually I'm pretty sure she, ann coulter and phyllis schlafly have a time share agreement on the vag. Kinda like shared custody – one rental a month.

      • Limeylizzie

        I think Ann Coulter has hers permanently on loan to someone else.

        • CivicHoliday

          Oh that's right, I forgot that crying-man John Boehner has had it for the better part of a decade

  • Baconzgood

    NOONAN! NOOOONAN! MISS IT MISS IT. NOOOONAN AHHHHHHHH!

    • AddHomonym

      Sit down, Peggy…

    • Barb

      Baconz, why does that make me laugh every time?

      • Baconzgood

        I'm glad you laugh at it Barb.

        How about a Fresca?

        • Barb

          I still say "noonan!" when I am watching football, lol. Especially when the field goal kicker is out.

          I haven't had a Fresca in years. I drank a Tab the other day and felt like hurling.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Tab still exists?

            It shall forever in my mind be linked with Ms. Magazine. My mom used to sit on the couch, reading Ms. magazine and drinking tab, though hers probably had vodka in it.

    • succalina

      I hath so missed Dame Noonington!
      If she was on Downton Abbey, she would be drunk, shrill, and catty. And also the one that masturbates to Dear Old Ronny…

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Holy Balls

    Editrix, it's really unfair of you to join in the Comment-o-the-Day competition…

  • Goonemeritus

    I guess Obama has been pandering to ladies just like Jesus pandered to big leprosy and that didn’t work out well for him either.

  • elviouslyqueer

    In related news, every time Peggy Noonan masturbates to the Ghost of Ronald Reagan, a kitten wielding a hot pink dildo dies.

  • fredbell

    She HAS health insurance…Jesus Christ…How tough can it be for her to keep on her meds?

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/FlipOffResearch FlipOffResearch

    "At the end of the day, the public reaction seemed to be: “Hey buddy, we don’t need you to personalize what is already too dramatic, it’s not about you.”

    Yeah, if he was Bush he would have taken advantage of the tragedy to lie us into a war.

    • PubOption

      I also seem to remember something about a woman on life support in a Florida hospital.

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      I recall similar tactics when Saint Reagan invaded Grenada.

    • succalina

      It's so fucked up that she chooses the term "dramatic" instead of tragic. A black 13 year-old has been murdered and its "dramatic"???????

      • bikerlaureate

        A revealing word choice, there.

        Good catch.

  • memzilla

    Tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing… meet Peggy Noonington. Ms. Noonington, this is Tale.

    Oh, you've met already? Well, I'll just leave you two alone to catch up, then.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Lying cunt.* *Intended to be a factual statement.

  • SteveMcCroskey

    Another dispatch from Lady Peggington? Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit laudanum…

  • freakishlywrong

    Delusional twunt is drunk and or high. Or both.

    • yyyaz

      High? Balls. With respect to the great Dame Parker, the Noonester's emotional repertoire runs the gamut from y to z. She could drink all the Brompton's in Blighty and produce nothing more pleasurable than a belch.

  • LetUsBray

    Noonington's schtick is to sound all Sad and Concerned when she spouts the same skunk shit from the Reich Wing propaganda mill that the rest of the mouthpieces spew. It's like how George Will's bit is to wear a bow tie and thumb through a thesaurus and Bartlett's Quotations while lying like the rug on top of his head. But while they're the Country Club variety of shit-sprayer rather than the Trailer Park line, the whole fucking lot of them have the exact same marching, or rather goose-stepping, orders.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Bravo.

    • mattbenzing

      Double bravo

  • PeaceWithHonor

    This is worse than wrong, it's just sloppy. Here's what happens when you write the last paragraph first.

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    characterological

    Old drunk hack likes to make up old drunk words!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Chortle.

  • Lucidamente1

    Too bad couch fainting isn't an Olympic sport. Peggy would bring home the gold every time.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      And accept it while their National Tantrum played.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      She'd perfect the Fosbury Flop: over the back of the couch, landing squarely on the cushions just as she faints dead away.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        "Frank, I think I am getting a sick headache."

        • C_R_Eature

          Brilliant! When will she transmogrify into a Crow?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I think she got the gold for pearl clutching though.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Is it martini time already?

    Well who am I to argue.

    P.S. i.e., every single Republican back when it was a Hoover Institute proposal and a Mitt Romney program

    I thought it was A.E.I., originally? (Of course, A.E.I., Hoover Institute = same shit, different day.) Anyways, this shows what happens when you adopt a Republican idea. They're all crap.
    ~

    • Lucidamente1

      I think our beloved Editrix means Heritage Foundation.

      • Chichikovovich

        The foundation whose motto is "It's about Heritage, not Hate".

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      There is so much overlap with those groups that it is easy to confuse them. Especially when they swap out folks so often for that sweet, sweet wingnut welfare.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I genuinely prefer the in your face dickitude of a Rush Limbaugh, with his, yeah-I-said-it – go-fuck-yourself plain talk to false premise analysis from a consistently drunken, polysyllabic, pseudo intellectual. So I guess it really IS all my fault.

    • PuckStopsHere

      Slut.

  • Redhead

    "But only a part! And not the most urgent part. Not the most frightening, distressing, immediate part."

    And what would that be, Peggy? Ending the shortages of adderol, ritalin and vicodin?

    • terriblyfamous

      I think she's talking about someone's penis here.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I, for one, will be very sad if Barry loses. It will basically mean that 51% of the country has lost its fucking mind and is okay with blatant racism, a gun stand display at Baby's R Us, more pity (aka tax breaks) for billionaires while women get returned to chattel status, the environment goes further to hell and for the love of God, let's invade another fucking country (Iran)! I need some of Peggy's Xanax.

    • HELisforHEL

      You said it best, Bulldog.

  • Joshua Norton

    On the bright side, Lady Noonington has a predictive track record that is only surpassed in its wrongness by one Wm. Kristol-nacht.

    Therefore, attention must not be paid.

  • TheGyrus

    Its pronounced "Noonington."

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      But spelled "Dumb-fucking-idjit-moron-literati-wannabe"

    • arihaya

      I'm new about this "Noonington" thing, will anyone explain why is she called that?

  • IncenseDebate

    Same voice coach Madonna uses to affect her royal accent? What a phony.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Peggy Pinchnez is vying for the cover of Cruella DeVille Quarterly, I guess.

  • MadBrahms

    Headline stopped seeming plausible when I reached the word "knows".

  • DetectiveGrey

    All I can really imagine when I hear Peggy Noonan's name is a giant powdered wig, two monocles, and a nose long enough to poke the eyes out of whatever she looks down it at.

  • teebob2000

    For your own mental well-being do NOT read the WSJ comments. It's freepers with Masters degrees (or access to online thesauruses).

  • C_R_Eature

    "At this point in the column we usually sigh." – Dame Peggington Noonington

    At that point on the column I was yelling "Fuck you, you drunken oligarch's meat garage!", or some variant of that phrase, for several minutes and forcibly restraining myself from pounding Shots.

    • FraAnima

      I'm working on restraining myself from pounding my head on the table – or against a brick wall – for the rest of the year.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please. And that point in the column, most of her readers had already jizzed their shorts, stopped reading, smoked a cigarette, and fired up last week's DVR'd installment of Jersey Shore.

      • C_R_Eature

        Fair enough. I have to admit skimming over the more egregious bits as I've smashed my entire quota of furniture for the month. Good thing April's almost here.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Meat garage ftw.

      • C_R_Eature

        Thank you. I love that descriptive and try to use it judiciously. I think it works here.

  • Not_So_Much

    Does she dictate this pablum or just drone it into her Siri as she shits it out from atop her lonely, golden throne?

    • elviouslyqueer

      "Hello Mistress Greatest Scribe in the Known Universe Noonan, how may I help you with your word vomit today?"*

      *Intended to be a factually reenacted quote from Peggeth's personal Siri.

  • SaintRond

    That cunt.

    • boobookitteh

      That's the word I was looking for.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        YES!!!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    All these Dame Noonington likes her drinkie winkies posts? Didn't we get spanked for that a while back?

    Fuck it, Peggy Noonan is a dystopia-enabling souse. Ah, feel better already.

  • Aridzona

    In her younger days, many years ago, she was known as Peggy Nooner and was a frequent invitee to lunch.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      It WOULD have to be many. I bet the time machine she mentioned would have been needed.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Not with yours, my friend. Not with yours.

  • freakishlywrong

    This from someone who voted for Palin.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      That's a great retort to anything said by any Republican.

  • C_R_Eature

    Have we had our requisite BALLS – related comment today? No?

    Okay, I'll give it a try.

    In spite of all the elocution lessons, Dame Peggington Noonington
    still sounds like she's trying to speak through a mouthful of BALLS.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Nom, nom, nom.

      • C_R_Eature

        BALLS go in. BALLS come out. You can't explain it.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Ya know who else made cooperation happen?

    • C_R_Eature

      Genghis Kahn?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Mr. Rogers?

    • Baconzgood

      The GOP?…no wait.

    • doloras

      Not Hitler.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    If more white women would conform their views, their credibility and their intellect in the fashion exemplified by the comprehensive mendacity of Peggy Noonan, our problems with The Colored in the White House would be over in November! Hate-filled white harpies at polling places, screaming and spitting at the few minorities still authorized to vote like it was 1954, would also be helpful.

    • C_R_Eature

      And, in those states that have "Stand your Ground" Laws, they will be free to exercise their First and Second Amendment rights freely. To the intended effect.

    • MoeDeLawn

      Oh, sweet pictures come to mind – those Boston mothers protesting busing in the 60s – some of the all-time hate-filled harpies…. (plus the added irony that it was in Massachusetts, not Montgomery…)

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I was just a kid, but I remember that being an incredibly nasty business.

  • ThundercatHo

    Dear Miss Peggy,
    Here
    's my suggestion for this weekend: Go out to the garage and get the shop vac, stick the nozzle up your cooch and suck all the dust and cobwebs out. Next, have a nice douche (for you, I suggest strawberry) and get the whole place nice and clean. After this go get a good bikini wax, in fact, go Brazilian. Now go to your liquor and medicine cabinet and really load up so you can be nice and loose. Okay, here comes the hard part. Find some Republican man to just really fuck your brains out. I know you've probably forgotten since it's been awhile but a good fuck can really clear your mind and improve your disposition. Try it and let me know.
    Fondles,
    T.Ho

    • Baconzgood

      I find this statement difficult to masterbate to.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I may never visit my garage or use my shop vac…again.

        • C_R_Eature

          I may never masturbate again.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      "Allen West, gallant Moorish Prince at your cervix, Dame Noonington!!"

      • C_R_Eature

        Dammit. Here I am, all out of Brain Bleach.

  • IncenseDebate

    Noonan's columns amount to a thousand points of shite.

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      The shitty on the hill.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I'm seeing stars from simply contemplating "meat garage".

    • C_R_Eature

      It's one of my favorites.

    • HELisforHEL

      It's up there with 'Balogna Curtains'

  • Toomush_Infer

    Forsooth, the only thing We can say about Dame Peggathy is that she's not a Slut…..stupid, out of touch cuntless wonder, with no part of her anatomy abridging the American public, might be added to the description…

  • Chichikovovich

    The constitutional law professor from the University of Chicago didn’t notice the centerpiece of his agenda was not constitutional? How did that happen?

    Oh, my! Dame Peggy has discovered sarcasm! She's not too good at it though. Because I guarantee that whatever Kennedy may say, and whatever the three hand-groomed-from-law-school Federalist society political operatives disguised as Justices may say, and whatever the lazy, overrated slob who states things about the bill that are so demonstrably false (clauses removed before final passage), and so laden with Talk-radio slang as to make clear that his "knowledge" of what's in the bill comes not from actually reading the bill or even asking his clerks to read the bill and summarize, but just from Fox&Rush type media and forwarded emails from drinking buddies may say, whatever any of those five end up saying, there will be four Supreme Court Justices who say that the bill is constitutional start to finish. And I guarantee that their opinions will be more legally compelling than the "I'm going to appeal to an insanely broad principle that would stand Supreme Court jurisprudence on its head and wreak havoc, so this must never be used as a precedent for anything else, ever" principle introduced into legal history by Justice Scalia in Bush v. Gore.

    [Coda: Additional perspective on SooperGenius Scalia: remember that this was someone who, in a case about eliminating obstacles to executing someone possibly innocent – a literally life and death matter – structured his questioning around his claim that prisoners always have a hope of executive clemency from the Governor, clearly ignorant of the fact that three states don't allow such clemency. Couldn't even be bothered to ask one of his clerks to check. Lazy hack.]

    • C_R_Eature

      I am no Constitutional Expert, but I'm convinced that the mandate should be found to be Constitutional and the Justices would have to really tie themselves in Logical Knots to find it not so. That said, the Court that brought us Bush V. Gore and Citizens' United among other lovelies makes me extremely nervous. If they slag the Medicaid expansion, they could conceivably redefine Federal power so radically that it would roll back the entire New Deal reforms enacted since 1937

      As an aside,I'm convinced that the Justices don't want CSPAN to televise the Court's proceedings because they're afraid the cameras will catch Thomas sleeping or just fucking off and playing Angy Birds.

    • PuckStopsHere

      Chichikovich–u r best c'mtator of all time.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    I respectfully invite Ms. Noonan to go fuck herself.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      And nosh on a cocktail tray laden with lightly salted rat dicks, also.

    • PuckStopsHere

      She should go skull-fuck herself, actually.

  • terriblyfamous

    So if there's not a widespread sadness, pain and a rending of garments (WTF, is she Charles Dickens?), that means the electorate is like, "meh" about the election? It's either total pathos or total apathy?

  • TheSheriffsNear

    Becca, darling, I understand this is your blog/personal plaything/courage journal. And you really are a doing a fantastic job keeping up the place. However, and I say this with love, when it comes to all things Peggy Noonington, you should let Jim Newell handle it. That's what he was born to do.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      I thought this fresh angle on Noonan had just the right amount of outrage over the glittering apex of her prevarication.

      Also, why does everybody feel free to patronize the new proprietress with personally-addressed comments, just because she's a woman? Were you all so afraid of Ken Layne? I guess I'm the only one who ever got uppity with him.

      (Ms. Schoenkopf, please don't make any sudden movements, on account of my nose.)

      • HistoriCat

        I thought everyone was afraid of Ken Layne because he always seemed to be about one outrage away from pulling the plug on the whole damn site.

      • PuckStopsHere

        What Chet sed.

    • commiegirl

      Jim is live-blegging elsewhere this week, just because he likes *money.* Gah.

  • __kth__

    She probably had a point about lefties/liberals feeling betrayed by Obama, but she lost sight of it after the sixth wine spritzer or so.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Apparently, Conchita (the maid) has been spiking Dame Noonington's Oxy/Viccoden/Valium cocktail with LSD.

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    Zeitgeist (n.): literally, the "spirit of the times." ANTONYMS: Peggy Noonan, Wall Street Journal

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    The funny part is that she clearly handles her drugs better than Andy Breitbart did.

    • C_R_Eature

      To be fair, she's had much more time to build up a physiological tolerance.

      • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

        She probably gets too blitzed to wander around screaming incoherence at strangers too and straining the heart too bad.

        • C_R_Eature

          Yeah, and she's obviously into the Downers, rather than the Uppers. Less stress. Look how long Keith Richards has been around.

  • anniegetyerfun

    I work with a woman who is just like this. Every day is a struggle to maintain my composure when she opens her mouth.

    • C_R_Eature

      Does your state have a "Stand Your Ground" law?

    • Steverino247

      Let's try this again.

      Take a deep breath, let it halfway out, then slowly squeeze that curved piece of metal that makes the weapon discharge, because the first syllable in that name for that curved piece of metal makes your comment go away (hint: It sounds like the name of a certain former Alaskan Governor's son). It is also the name of Roy Rogers' horse.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Trigger trigger trigger.

        • PuckStopsHere

          Maybe that's what Santorum was trying to say.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Oh my….I did not know what this cretin looked like. I thought that pic was the mother from "Arrested Development".

  • el_donaldo

    She's a mean drunk.

  • WiscDad

    She's absolutely correct. We will NOT be upset when he loses…cause he's not going to lose.

  • WiscDad

    In psychology, that approach would be called inception. Planting dreams of what's to come in peoples minds. Won't work on me. I'm immune cause I wear a tinfoil hat.

    • C_R_Eature

      Do steel Colanders work too? Just wondering.

      • HistoriCat

        Of course not – colanders have holes!

        • C_R_Eature

          Dammit! that gets me every time. It's hard out there for a Pastafarian.

  • smitallica

    You want to see joy and jubilation caused by a news headline? How about "Noonan Stricken Mute."

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      "Noonan Loses Both Hands in Horrible Martini Mixer Mishap, Will Never Type Again"

  • Ben Cisco

    Nooners could use one, badly.

    Or perhaps it was done badly last time.

    ETA: Or in other words, what ThundercatHo said.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Sounds like she has a pre-existential condition.

  • sullivanst

    The president had his mind on health care. And, to be fair-minded, health care was part of the economic story. But only a part! And not the most urgent part. Not the most frightening, distressing, immediate part. Not the ‘Is America over?’ part.

    Uh, Peggy, hon, you might care to take a brief look at at a CBO forecast to find out what is the principle driver of our long term deficit projections. Healthcare is not just "a" part of the economy, it's the biggest part of our economy, at about 17% and growing.

    • HELisforHEL

      Silly Puss! Dame Nooninshire dost not require facts or any of your other liberal, brain-using notions.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Obama only pointed this out over and over, every time he talked about health care reform.

      • sullivanst

        See HELisforHEL's comment ;)

  • dinkybossetti

    "do you imagine that would be followed by widespread sadness, pain and a rending of garments?"

    I don't imagine that because, while I have been witness to people experiencing many different levels of pain and sadness, I have not once seen a person rend their garments.

    I do remember people cheering in the streets of my Philly neighborhood when Obama was elected, which at the time was something I'd never witnessed – Americans reacting so jubilantly over the outcome of an election. So I guess maybe it isn't so far-fetched to think there would be rending of garments if he loses in November (which he won't).

  • DahBoner

    Peggy Noonan

    The trouble is that Mork from Ork talked like he was on speed, so the only thing I understood was "Noonan noonan"

    NEEDS MOAR MINDY!!!!

  • Gainsbourg69

    "Then his operatives flooded the airwaves with dishonest—not wrongheaded, dishonest—charges that those who defend the church’s religious liberties are trying to take away your contraceptives."

    The democratic party is tricking all you sluts.

  • HELisforHEL

    I must say, in my best version of Dame Noonanness, that Our Dear Lady Rebecca Schoenkopf has written a supremely excellent post. It has gentled my heart with wonderful bouts of laughter and mirth. I bestow ever so many good graces upon it.

    (Seriously–I loved this post.)

  • ttommyunger

    Peggy and the Pope, sitting in a tree, K – I – S – S – I – N – G. Also, she is an ignorant, sold-out cunt, too, as well as.

  • wood50

    Sounds like someone lost her George W. "Bush" vibrator!

  • owhatever

    She speaks and all I hear is Kardashian.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    She's right, I would not be sad. Outraged, horrified, terrified, shocked, stunned and pretty much totally disgusted and disillusioned with the human species, especially those in the middle country of North America, but not sad. Sad doesn't begin to cover it.

  • finallyhappy

    Her plastic surgery looks like she uses the House of Wax ala Vincent Price- like Callista.
    If the Prez loses- I hope some of you will come and see me in Costa Rica.

  • BarackMyWorld

    PEGGY NOONAN. HER NAME IS PEGGY NOONAN AND SHE WOULD LIKE TO SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA.

    Also, everybody thinks she got her writing job because she slept with Don Draper Ronald Reagan, even though she works twice as hard as the men-folk.

  • docterry6973

    I always read Peggy Noonan when I want to deepen my self-awareness, and she may be on to something here. I am a liberal and Obama has almost behaved like a liberal several times, yet I can't quite identify with the guy, can't feel like he is a guy from my neighborhood. There is just something about him that makes him seem distant, foreign, 'other', if you know what I mean. Strange that I just can't quite put my finger on it…

  • rickmaci

    Her shrill screechy holier than thou Catholic school nun voice seeps through into her written words. How can I say this delicately? Peggy Noonan is an example of what causes Catholic college boys to decide they would prefer to date Jewish girls.

  • fuflans

    well i still like bamz.

    that is all.

  • WonkCynic

    The problem with the po peoples dat be wantin' da Obarmer health insurance is dat they is still too uninformed to know 'bouts things like deductibles and what not. Once they be gettin' dat there insurance, they'll be finding out why everybody's been a bitchin' about it. "Hey! Obarmer! I gots insurance now. Why I has to pay dat there deductible? You means I still gots to pay for my healthcare with the money I don't gots even though I gots me some insurance?"

    Nothing in this world is free. Especially when it comes with an attached mandatory premium and a sky high deductible. But telling dem po folks that they handsome nigga prince been a lyin' to dem while laughing behind their backs about how stupid they is be racist!

    And the Grateful Dead can be heard at the rally playing "Come, Hear, Uncle Tom's band, la la la la la"

    • WonkCynic

      Meanwhile Rhianna, wearing a sleeveless Kony 2012 t-shirt, no bra, and skimpy panties, shakes her little black tushi. Mia Farrow (the "intelligent", "informed" white chick with the pretty smile) can be seen at the corner of the screen writing letters praising Obarmer for the wars he's preparing to start in Africa. Yes… the "intelligent" white hippie chicks protested Vietnam, but in the interest of obtaining more black babies for rich white movie stars to adopt, it has become necessary to send troops to Africa! Another excuse for our Uncle Tom Prez to get a bunch of poor redneck, black, and chilli shitter troops killed in useless wars. But hey! At least the fancy rich liberal white bitches will be able to continue their charade of giving a shit while turning a blind eye to the dead ragheads all over North Africa and Gaza.

      Dear Prudence! Tell your sister to pull her head out of her ass!