revolution never comes with a warning

Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller Has A New Outrage: Black People Voting

Matthew Boyle, Douche King

The Daily Caller’s star race baiter, Matthew Boyle, has finally hit it out of the park, you guys. He has found some super nefarious shit: Black people voting, aiyeeeeee! Let’s follow the link together, to the tireless Boyle’s words of peace and wisdom. What’s it say?

“Hoodie Rally at Marshall Park at 6 pm today,” Cotham tweeted. “Crowd building, people wearing shirts in honor of Trayvon Martin.”

According to Cotham’s Twitter account, “Hoodie Rally” attendees were “registering to vote” on the scene.

And … that’s pretty much it? Find out why this is the most terrible thing since Olestra, after the jump!

Uh … um … well, certainly not because the GOP and its handmaidens at the Daily Caller have been on a tear to make it harder for the poor, the elderly, and minorities to vote. That’s not why at all. We would guess it is something “uncivil” like “politicizing” the tragic death of a young man. But wouldn’t the Daily Caller agree that it’s better for angry black folk to take it out in ballots, not bullets? Well, probably not, really, as that would deprive their base of the zombie race war for which they’ve industriously been stocking up, in Wyoming.

[Fuck You, Daily Caller]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. ttommyunger

    "The Nigras can vote now? When did this happen? Oh my Lord, pass me the smelling salts, I feel like I'm going to have a spell!" (Clutches pearls, swoons onto fainting couch)

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Is that fat, greasy little bastard wearing a toupee? Look at his hairline, it looks like a cheap rug.

    2. tessiee

      No offense to *actual* trannies, but that is the worst drag king I've seen since Herbert Kornfeld.

    3. DCBloom

      I saw him on tv, and for a minute I thought he had Downs. I'm not even snarking, he really seemed that way to me.

      1. RadioStalingrad

        Didn't they cause the financial collapse of '08 with their redline districting and flippant Freddie Mac loans too??!? Talk about stealing homes.

          1. sullivanst

            Shortstop, short leg, same diff… sorta ;)

            Can you imagine what the people who call Jim Bunning a mean pitcher would think if they saw Curtley Ambrose in action at his peak, let alone Harold Larwood?

          2. Limeylizzie

            I love Curtly Ambrose, such a huge and scary bowler, plus I love this that he used to say about interviews…”Curtly talk to no man.”

          3. sullivanst

            That glower of his was truly a thing to behold. Keeping those whites white can't have been easy for any batsman seeing that! Especially knowing that big cheshire-cat grin was ready to be flashed when he got you out.

            I can still hear Geoff Boycott saying "He's a great test bowler. He's got a bucket full of wickets" in his Yorkshire lilt.

      1. Negropolis

        Hell, those fuckers are mad enough that Magic is still alive. This purchase is just going to push them over the edge. lol

    1. Designer_Rants

      What if? I got a funny feeling that suddenly millions of ignorant white trash who sat the last election out would take to misspelling protest signs and preaching busted libertarian bumper stickers to anyone with a camera who would join their new-bus-smell parade to the outdoor press conference. Then they'd vote in a bunch of their grifter kin to finish selling our planet to the billionaires.

      1. Barb

        Designer, I love your comment!
        Snark aside, I believe that many people think that Obama is certain to be POTUS and they won't go to vote. That thought really scares me.

        1. Designer_Rants

          Me too. I don't want to be part of the less-ignorant [liebruhl] white trash that wakes up the day after the election and says, "Wut! Lurlene! Why come you din't tayle me ta vote yesturdayee?!!1!"

          I don't want to have to correctly spell "YOU KNOW WHO ELSE PUT A DOG CARRIER ON THE ROOF?" on a picture of Mittens with a Hitler mustache and get on a bus that George Soros bought for me to ride to the Mall so I can listen to Bill Maher tell me what an asshole I am for screwing up the reelection. We can't let that happen.

          1. Barb

            Designer, my sister is still sending me Obama spam mail. Watermelons on the White House front lawn! Hilarious! He went to Hawaii to kill his Grandmother, so that she wouldn't tell the truth about his birth certificate. Classic! A black child goes to heaven and asks for their angel wings and *poof* they are turned into a bat. Asbestos in our tampons to make us bleed more and need more Tampax? Okay, that one is true. My name is Barb, and I have mesothelioma of the kaslopis.

            I'd rather take a Jet Blue flight, around the world, with a crazed pilot than to think about the batshit crazy people in this world.

          2. RadioStalingrad

            Chet, circa '95 or so I made the commitment to never open an e-mail that has the header "Fwd:" on it. One of the best decisions of my life.

          3. Limeylizzie

            I don't get them because I am such a loud-mouthed , pro-Obama maniac that people know better, although MrLimeylizzie's first wife was such a PUMA that she used to send them until I put a stop to it.

          4. Designer_Rants

            I don't get the emails from friends anymore because I'm such a loudmouth liberal outside of work, but at work I don't even want to get into a political conversation. I'm "passionate", and that could be a bad career move.

          5. Designer_Rants

            I don't even get the racist ones, that I can remember. I think that's a "secret handshake" sorta email for most conservatives; they gotta know they're both pricks before they start sending those to each other at work, unless they're even stupider than your usual racist.

            But I still get the ones that blame everything on poor people because poor people don't work, and that's what's wrong with America.

        2. RadioStalingrad

          Wait Barb, didn't you say let's never put snark aside above? But srsly, Designer hit the nail on the head, again. Upfists aren't enough for our new favorite commentor.

      2. LetUsBray

        Back in '08 I assumed the hysterical redneck cracker-ass cracker nutbag teabagging freaks would eventually see that Pres. Obama is a good man doing a good job and calm down.

        Boy, do I feel like an idiot.

    2. mayor_quimby

      Let me tell you, that will not go over well. Gonna make it hell for the rest of us just trying to go to the Qwickie Mar……

  2. Ducksworthy

    Ah my Gawd! The ACORN plot has sprouted again even after the efforts of Tuckers clone Tucker O'Queef..

  3. Rotundo_

    Good Lord Above! If all of "those" people start voting, they might start voting *in their own interest* instead of for more tax cuts and for gutting the safety net of the working folks of this country. We can't have that sort of thing happening! Monty! Fire up the checkbook and call the Koch's I smell dissent! (or is it just my depends need changing?) Anyhow, Call the damned GOP, we need our politicians to stay bought dammit! With "these" people voting, who the hell knows what they might elect!

          1. comrad_darkness

            Did anyone ask him about that time Smith promised to walk on water but he fell in because some meddling kids removed one of the pilings he was planning to walk on?

  4. chascates

    And I would imagine the RNC registers voters at gun shows, monster truck rallies, and faith healers!

  5. user-of-owls

    It's all because of the flouride, you see. Four out of five dentists agree that they are race traitors.

        1. tessiee

          Until I moved away from the East Coast, I didn't know there was such a thing as a *gentile* dentist. No, that is not a typo.

          1. Limeylizzie

            I have a gentile dentist, in NYC, on the Upper West Side, no less. She is also really cute, young and funny! She is a freak of nature.

  6. sezme

    We need to ensure that at least half of them are registering as Republicans, otherwise, it's obviously a case of voter fraud.

  7. Deportably_Jose

    Honestly, if I spent as much time working as hard as Republicans do, to make sure that black people couldn't register to vote, couldn't vote even if they managed to register, and wouldn't have their vote counted even if they managed to cast a ballot, I'd be pretty pissed that someone, somewhere, was trying to undermine my decades' worth of time, money, and effort, too.

    Of course, I'd also be a racist asshole whose mere presence was fundamentally toxic to America's democratic tradition, but that's just splitting hairs, really.

  8. FakaktaSouth

    Yeah, look at all these crazy people, wanting to vote against people who make laws that let people kill them. How appalling.

    Bleh Matthew Boyle is sooooo low rent, so obvious. At least TRY to be clever – tired ass racism presented thru bullshit mock indignation has been SOOOO done.

  9. Negropolis

    I hope sure as hell that they are, too, because that's the only way we even get close to doling out justice correctly.

    But, Tucker's Daily Rentboy is still cool with the GOP cynically exploiting the powers of legislating to make laws to disenfranchize entire swaths of voters, right?

    1. HippieEsq

      Thank you. I shouldn't need to get half-way through the comments before I see Matt Boyle is a Fatso snark.

  10. Joshua Norton

    How long before we get to the point where racist wingnut shenanigans become so exponentially insane that Our Serious And Knowledgeable Betters tell us that the President should just resign now “for the good of the country” rather than risk his “divisive and polarizing” re-election to a second term?

    Five gets you seven that column is already on Bobo's hard drive.

        1. flamingpdog

          Pfft, I can remember when Pat Caddell wasn't a steaming crock of warmed over bullshit himself.

          1. Chet Kincaid

            The sensitive, gentle President we experimented with before we admitted to ourselves that we prefer being under the thumb of a real "President's President." But you know, we were just coming out of the Nixon thing, and it was a "rebound election." We couldn't drop our panties fast enough for Reagan!

        2. James Michael Curley

          Shoen often lists himself as a Democrat but has done a half dozen books over the last three or four years debasing popular democratic memes, all with alleged experience as a pollster (he did do some work for the Clinton campaign).

    1. Chet Kincaid

      As I've said before, that's going to be the reason "no other black person should ever run for President again," according to some pundit who will formulate that "thought" at some point near the end of Obama's Presidency, whenever that may be. Tough titty, Deval Patrick!

      1. James Michael Curley

        What is more frightening and a more likely operative polemic is the 'been there, done that' stratagem. Look at the Republican response to Geraldine Ferraro as the first female vice presidential candidate. We should count ourselves lucky that Mitt Romney has enough money to buy the nomination. Otherwise the Republican response could have been Steve Urkel.

          1. James Michael Curley

            He vaporizes half the middle east in an attempt to knock out the Qom uranium enrichment plant and goes on TV to say, “Did I do that?”

  11. C_R_Eature

    Hey, Rebecca, can I ask a question?

    Why, exactly should any of us care what Tucker Carlson and his vanity yellow rag think, say or print? Do they have valuable insights? Do they represent the views of a significant fraction of voters? Do they have the ear of influential people?

    I tend to think "None of the Above." Tucker Carlson is an entitled, coddled Media Baron wannabe with a pathetically needy ego and an axe to grind who hasn't had an original thought in 20 years and who's only talent seems to be talking his way onto television.
    He's gathered other similarly- talented drones in one place to churn out the predictably Fact-lite agitprop whose only real purpose seems to be to keep his face in the news.

    Don't get me wrong, I'll beat up on these bastards like there's no tomorrow because they richly deserve it. It's getting a lot like kicking the stupid little bullies after you're knocked them flat. What's the point?

      1. C_R_Eature

        Then we would be free to rip it out from under the wiper, wad it up in a little ball and toss it where it belongs. But we wouldn't be talking to each other now, would we?

        And in Tucker's World, the Internet was born fully formed in the minds of brave Randian Ubermensch in a frenzy of Free-Marketeersim. Government scientists, DARPANET, Xerox Palo Alto and the collectivist gang of Homebrew Hippies coding for the Altair just don't exist. Because he doesn't want them to.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      C_R_Eature. This post just made me fall in love with you. Well, maybe not love, but at least a whole lot of over the sweater action.

      1. flamingpdog

        I refuse to look at what's in that box – its very presence irritates me. I'll keep on thinking outside of the box.

      2. C_R_Eature

        I never look in the box. I don't want to take the chance that the Awful Things will fly out.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      It's not Wonkette's attention that's keeping the Daily Creepy alive — so posting about Tucker's assholisms isn't granting him undue attention.

      Thirdly, it's interesting to dive into the neocon snakepit and find out what memes are being born right there, at least so you can understand where they came from when you see them appear over and over.

      b), they ain't knocked flat until they admit they're knocked flat. And they never admit it. So there's no reason to stop.

      1. C_R_Eature

        "It's not Wonkette's attention that's keeping the Daily Creepy alive — so posting about Tucker's assholisms isn't granting him undue attention."

        Good. I'd hate to think we were encouraging him. I like to think that he obsessively Googles himself and explodes in Frothing Rage when he sees things like this.

        "Thirdly, it's interesting to dive into the neocon snakepit and find out what memes are being born right there,…"

        Good point, although from what I've seen from the Daily Caller they don't have the chops to generate any Memes themselves but just act like a radio Repeater.

        "they ain't knocked flat until they admit they're knocked flat. And they never admit it. So there's no reason to stop."

        So, I can keep kicking, then. I'll throw in a few Nut Shots for good measure.

    3. flamingpdog

      I think the only reason Tucker is even getting a mention here is because of Breitbart deficit disorder. I think we might even *urgGGhhh, glaGGg, ugnYUuhhhh* miss the fat, drunken SOB.

      1. yyyaz

        Missing Blightfart is like missing the delirious dreams that accompany a life-threatening fever.

      2. C_R_Eature

        I can buy into that. As we all know, you got to blogwar against the blithering blow toads you have, not the blithering blow toads you wish you had.

        I wasn't finished with him – not by a long shot – but Breitbart's almost as much fun to beat up on dead as he was alive.

    4. James Michael Curley

      This oily little preppie is the son of a former president of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, director of Voice of America, CEO of KingWorld (who bought us Jeopardy), and the original owner of mBlast, Inc. (one of the originators of email advertising blasts for business). A fairly persuasive argument could be made that he comes by his media experience merely because his dad had to find a way to keep him from locking himself in the bathroom all day with a tube of KY.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Yeah, do you believe it? With a pedigree like that and PBS and VOA connections he could have really done some remarkable things in the Media. That is, if he had any talent at all and wasn't an entitled little sociopath.

      2. Deportably_Jose

        Tucker Carlson, Ben Stein, Jonah Goldberg, Chris Wallace… all the products of blatant nepotism, all fancy themselves towering intellects, all barely able to string two thoughts together in a logical string, unless the first one is an overt lie drawn from whole cloth, and probably blatantly racist.

        Hate to say it, but it almost gives me hope for the future that the newest wave of nepotistic media personalities who have done nothing to earn their roles and are dumbening news media even further, consist of the likes of Luke Russert, Meghan McCain, and Chelsea Clinton. Pathetic as it is, it's liable to be quite a bit better than what came before.

  12. fuflans

    does anyone else think maybe we should let tucker carlson die a slow agonizing death from neglect?

    this has absolutely nothing to do with skull fucking.

    1. yyyaz

      Sounds good, but I've been neglecting him for years and it hasn't worked so far. Trust-fundie puke-schmoe will have his hangers-on, moran worshippers and a seat at the Tories' table unless/until the money runs out. OTOH, the imagery of what your comment has "absolutely nothing to do with" makes me strangely all tingly, like my hippocampus is trying to grow a woodie.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Today we are all 12-year old girls with cute little breasts, who are signing up for right wing shit we don't understand.

    2. HippieEsq

      no he's trying to be attractive to 12-year-old girls. After CPAC he's had his fill of grown adult men.

  13. littlebigdaddy

    Well, it is perfectly clear in the Bible (book of Retardium) that anyone touched by the taint of Ham (I am thinking this has to do with making pork sausage) shall never have a place in the temple, or something.

    1. yyyaz

      1. How much you got?
      2. It's had enough and enough is too much.
      3. It no longer matters now that we are at war with Eastasia.
      4. We survived Tricky Dick, St. Ronnie and the Shrub. Meh.
      5. Civility and reason will always preva …………. (wipes tears of laughter and anguish).

  14. SayItWithWookies

    VWB — I've heard of it — the most underreported crime in America, I heard. And precisely the reason that the United States is such a vastly disproportionately liberal and negro-friendly country than the demographics would lead one to believe. Jesus fucking Christ.

  15. owhatever

    Scoop Boyle is coming out with an exclusive that he went to a restaurant and one of "them" walked in with a white woman. He says he has pix on his iPenis to prove it.

  16. Negropolis

    Kind of OT, but I saw part of the interview with George Zimmerman's father, where he says that he never imagined the president and the NAACP and (insert random, black boogeyman organization) could be so hateful, and I just had to kind of step back from the whole situation, because now it's just chasing white rabbits. I mean, wow. But, "we still don't know enough" about this situation to make a judgement and George's family "is just as much the victims as the Martins". Because. Ugghh.

    Hate is learned, and don't you fucking forget it. Only the lucky and fortunate escape.

    1. flamingpdog

      Saw the story myself earlier, and read it. I refused to click on the video, though. Just. Couldn't. Watch it.

      1. Negropolis

        Yeah, I've started changing the story when it comes on the television. I've heard enough. Until George is arrested, I don't need to hear anything else, because it's stopped being informative and helpful to the actual issue (i.e. the lack of an arrest).

        I mean, when the most basic elements of justice have to be begged for as if one was begging for special treatment, we have a problem. When you turnout 30,000 people in some random park in faceless Orlando suburbia, you have a problem. When you get 70% of Americans to agree with anything, let alone that that is the number that say the perp should be arrested, something's going on.

        Hopefully, everything works out as good as something like this can work out, but so much damage has already been allowed to happen due to simple and incompetent neglect. It's like having a heart-attack in the ER and the nurses step right over you. It shouldn't be this hard in America, not this late in the history of this nation. You shouldn't have to turn the world upside down in 2012 in the United States just to start basic judicial process.

        1. C_R_Eature

          This is the best comment on this sad tale I've seen. Anywhere. Thank you

          I sympathize completely: I've had to step back form the story too as it's gotten to the point where it's just chasing its own tail and merely creating noise.
          And upsetting me, but that goes without saying.

          1. not that Dewey

            I'm sorry. I don't like it anymore than you do. By way of reinforcing your point, the fact that these stories are underreported is just as bad as the underlying lack of justice. It reveals that the same racist mentality that pervades the police and courts also pervades the news industry.

    2. Deportably_Jose

      Hearing complaints about how you haven't been arrested or even investigated for the crime you did is the real racially motivated murder.

      The NAACP and President are reverse-racially-motivated murderers, for saying things about Trayvon getting killed!

      Also too: Accusing someone of racially-motivated murder is THE WORST THING you can do to someone. Certainly way worse than murdering someone on account of their race, at any rate.

    3. tessiee

      "George Zimmerman's father, where he says that he never imagined the president and the NAACP and (insert random, black boogeyman organization) could be so hateful"

      Yeah, "hateful".
      Because what is this country coming to if you can't just randomly shoot one of Those People (if you know who I mean) in broad daylight without people making a big stink over it?
      Hell in a handbasket, I tells ya.

  17. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    High five. I went to work in the Seattle area with a hoodie on today. White woman, science-y type job.

  18. imissopus

    I see also on the Daily Caller story that Boyle is pushing the whole "BTW Zimmerman is a registered Democrat" bit. Because that makes a fucking difference.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Well hey, Ted Bundy was a registered Republican. Obviously this means that Republicans are serial killers and that we should stand our ground and shoot them.

    2. HippieEsq

      you guys, we sooooo need to stop Dem on Dem crime?!?!

      #MetroHero #FatGOPVigilante #NahI'mJustaFatPussy

  19. WonkCynic

    I am all four letting responsible negroes vote in elections. But do we have to allow the irresponsible ones to vote? You know…they ones on Jerry Springer…with four kids by the time they turn 18, without a clue who the father(s) are? And the thugs that be knockin' dem bitches up…do we really need to be letting them have an EQUAL vote with responsible citizens? ____It just seems rather odd that we would give an equal vote to irresponsible fools blame society for their problems instead of responsibly preventing themselves from creating spawn until they are old enough and edumacated enough to afford to raise their little critters without government assistance.____The end result of allowing irresponsible ghetto hos and thugs to vote is that they will always vote for the candidate who promises them the most subsidies and free handouts. It creates a nation of irresponsible adults. It doesn't create a nation of informed citizens. And it creates an environment where their votes can be purchased simply by promising them free crap after the election.____Only let 'em vote if they promise to make they babies daddy's pay the bills instead of the gubbament.

      1. C_R_Eature

        I just replied with almost this exact sentence, and my comment was whisked immediately off to The Naughty Room.

        I used the Forbidden Word Int_iguing instead of Facinating.

        The Moar you Know!

          1. C_R_Eature

            Hey, I think I can see it!

            "I will hunt you down and choke you out with a strap-on"

            Wow. John Cole is strict.

          2. Deportably_Jose

            Actually, I'm pretty sure that's just typical Thursday fun over at Balloon Juice. There's a reason I cheat on my Wonkette with them every so often, after all.

      2. WonkCynic

        Unfortunately we had to stop publishing our newsletter because we could not afford to pay for the cost of rising health insurance premiums that were required in order to staff our operation. We had to let our three token negro envelope stuffers go. They were unproductive and never showed up for work on time anyway, but we weren't allowed to fire them because they was darkies. We are going to start publishing our newsletter again as soon as we can find some suitable illegal aliens to take their place. We'll pay them off the books so we won't have to insure 'em. Problem is, even though they have college degrees, we cannot seem to find any chilli shitters who speak English well enough to understand what is expected of them.

    1. ElPinche

      Have you considered the wonderful gated communities in Afghanistan , the cradle of muthafuckin civilization? They have voting rules, too. "Vote for me or we'll skin you alive and let you dry in the sun like kippered beef."

      1. WonkCynic

        Afghanistan sounds lovely. Perhaps you can set me up with a job killing unarmed civilian women children on behalf of our lord and saviour Obarmer.

    2. Fukui-sanYesOta

      It just seems rather odd that we would give an equal vote to irresponsible fools blame society for their problems instead of responsibly preventing themselves from creating spawn until they are old enough and edumacated enough to afford to raise their little critters without government assistance

      That's about 70% of America you're talking about there, pal.

      Imma give you that there benefite of the dowt about not being a drooler.

      1. WonkCynic

        You are correct. I do not drool. But I do have a problem with making uncontrollable farting noises whenever I read swill that punishes white peoples for not being all super excited about the apologies and excuses that are being made for the rising population of thugs and hos who screw up they own lives and then want to blame all their problems on some crap that happened to they great great grandma long before anybody currently living was even born.

    3. flamingpdog

      Goddamn Internet Explorer! I was leisurely reading the comments at teh Wonkette and all of a sudden a comment from one of my old high school Facebook "friends" appeared on the screen.

      1. RadioStalingrad

        This is why I am not on FuckFaceBook, and, why you will never see me at a skullfucking high school reunion.

      2. WonkCynic

        Don't worry. I'm sure before long the Gates Foundation will make software available that will allow you to surf the internet free from any thought crimes that challenge your opinion or make you feel uncomfortable.

    4. C_R_Eature

      Thank you for your fascinating analysis. You're pretty good at this.

      I'm sure that there's a secure Compound off in Idaho that needs a Communications Director. You could even fly your Special Flag there.
      You know – the one that you're only allowed to take out in the basement every week, at the gathering of your Like Minded Friends.

      Oh and the best part (other than the no Nigras thing)… you can still pick up your Government Checks down to the Post Office in town.

      1. WonkCynic

        They kicked me out of that cult when I refused to drink the kool aid and ran into the woods. So I switched sides. But I soon found out that that side also wanted me to chug a singular flavor one-flavor-suits-all kinda juice. You know the kind I'm talking about — "we're all one big happy family" — "why can't we all get along?" — The kind of swill you have to choke on when you listen to a Dionne Warwick tune or a B-side U2 masterpiece. So I attempted to run into the woods again. Only by this time, the head nigra in charge had employed minions of thought Poe-leece to scour the internet rooting out anybody that didn't recognize him as the Lord and Saviour of all mankind. "Don't insults my niggas or I will pay they rent and have them move into your hood so that they can knock up your daughters and break into your car ten times a week to steal change and lip gloss." It's a living hell, but block busting is against the law, so we isn't allowed to insult our new neighbors' chilrens. Uncle Tom Obarmer duzzn't like it when we hurt the self esteem of little niggaz.

    5. Negropolis

      Silly me. I had no idea that President Obama's push to provide high-speed wireless internet access for rural areas was well underway. Seems it's already reached your trailer park. God bless that man for bringing civilization to the trailer parks of America, because god knows they needed it. Now y'all can stream your Springer and CMT.

      Life's going to be miserable for you, buddy, until it dawns upon you that trash comes in all different colors and backgrounds, and that the people you see as allies care for you no more than they do the blahs, and the brah, and the rahs, and the yellahs. Your tribal "allies" have been carving up and carting off your hope and opportunities going on for thirty years, now. But, I guess none of that matters, because at least you're not black, right? Enjoy your Obama-approved food stamps.

      1. WonkCynic

        As adults, those kids grew up and became rap and hip hop gangstas…writing and "singing" songs blaming the gubbament and whitey for all they problems. It's the gubbament's fault they can't read. It's the gubbament's fault that they got knocked up and had kids before they could afford to raise 'em. It's whitey's fault.

        My mama didn't teach me to blame my problems on other people. She told me to get a freakin' job and shut my stinking pie hole whenever I tried to blame my ills on others.

        I grew up and got a real job…showed up on time…dressed for success…and didn't give my boss an attitude. I don't need your crappy food stamps. I don't want your crappy food stamps. And if I lose my job I get another one right away without marching down to the gubbament office and accepting their free handouts.

        1. Negropolis

          Bullshit, you piece of trash. You all can no longer keep up the appearance of being all right.

          1. WonkCynic

            It always amuses me when cookie cutter koolaid drinking lefties automatically assume that anybody not agreeing with their kool-aid drinking ideologies must be a member of the KKK or the "other" party.

            As if their are only TWO authorized points-of-view.

            True partisan brainwashing…You are not one of "us", therefore you must be one of "them".

            Anybody sitting on the fence watching the partisan puppet show is simply caught in the middle.

            Partisan puppet in the business suit won't let us run into the woods. Tells us that we MUST drink the kool aid or we are evil. Just as ignorant as a Jesus Freak insisting that we drink the wine and eat the little fucking cookie.

    6. Deportably_Jose

      It just seems rather odd that we would give an equal vote to irresponsible fools blame society for their problems […] The end result of allowing irresponsible ghetto hos and thugs to vote is that they will always vote for the candidate who promises them the most subsidies and free handouts. It creates a nation of irresponsible adults. It doesn't create a nation of informed citizens. And it creates an environment where their votes can be purchased simply by promising them free crap after the election

      Isn't it weird how whenever anyone says things like this, you can pretty much guarantee that they're not trying to suggest that we disenfranchise the finance industry at large, Exxon-Mobile, the Kochs, or the Waltons, for some reason?

          1. WonkCynic

            Daddy only took a turn at it. That's what being a hell being is all about. But it was your mama and your grandmama that finished him off. Hear that gurgling sound? That's Satan throat fucking your mom for eternity. He'll keep pounding away until you get there to take your turn.

      1. WonkCynic

        Actually, I was all for sponsoring a self-assisted suicide program for the financial industry in lieu of the bail-outs. Best way to get that started would be to offer section 8 vouchers to thugs and hos so they can move in next door to the offending financial elite. After a few years of having their cars broken into and their daughters knocked up by thugs, they'll surely kill themselves. You know…when it is no longer safe to take the trash out to the curb out of fear of being raped or mugged, then there is nothing worth living for.

    7. Dashboard Buddha

      I don't know if this is a roundabout attempt at snark. If not, I can understand some of your white angst. I often felt that way about the population I taught at a school for at-risk teens.

      Except all of my Springer-ettes were white..


      1. WonkCynic

        White trash is as white trash does. Black trash is as black trash does. Only difference is that the self-proclaimed "enlightened beings" who currently litter our American landscape don't follow their own teadchings. Instead of teaching their pillow-sitting minions to analyze themselves for the source of their problems, they have been busy instilling black America with an unnecessary need to blame everybody but themselves for the terrible conditions they find themselves in.

        If you want to help the darkies pull themselves up by their boot straps and seek better lives for themselves, givet their daughters and sons rubbers, give them cleaning products with which to clean up their pig sty neighborhoods, and teach them how to stop blaming others for their problems.

          1. WonkCynic

            Get busy! There's still time! Mia Farrow wants all the other "enlightened beings" in the kult of Amerika to join her writing letters begging Obarmer to send troops to start wars in Africa! Gotta rescue more little black babies for Hollywood starlets to adopt! Penelope Cruz feels lonely and needs to breast feed a few more little niglets! They don't bother adopting the crappy little thug kids here in America, but they just loves to go over there and "rescue" them by taking them away while they mamas is still alive! Is it humanitarian to steal a po black African woman's baby while leaving her there to starve?

      2. WonkCynic

        A recommended meditation for black America:
        Sit on your comfy meditation pillow. Close your eyes. Dedicate this mediation to world peace. Watch your breath. Count to five. At the end of the meditation open your eyes. Look in the mirror…and then ask yourself…why did I stop protesting the war as soon as a black fella became the Prez? Is it any less a crime for a darkie president to drop bombs on women and children than it is for a white prez? Why do we enlightened beings no longer protest the war now that the Prez is a darkie? Now say the word "hippocrite" three times, clap your hands, and you are enlightened again. Continue the meditation by remaining on your pillow while constantly making excuses for the sick, lame, and lazy.

    8. tessiee

      "responsibly preventing themselves from creating spawn until they are old enough and edumacated enough to afford to raise their little critters without government assistance"

      Strictly out of my own curiosity:
      How much have you donated to Planned Parenthood and NARAL this year?

      1. WonkCynic


        I voted for the Trojan Man in the last election. I am an advocate of handing young stupid thugs rubbers…lots of rubbers. I'll leave it up to you to teach them how to use them. While you are doling out their food stamps you can demonstrate on a banana…or a plantain for our Latino friends.

        It's the "Great Amerikan Rubbaz for Food Stampz" program
        Rubbaz for my niggaz. Rubbaz for all my niggaz.

      2. WonkCynic

        This program will coincide with another self awareness program that will be mandatory for all ghetto hos showing up at the gubbament trough:

        They will be handed a free brochure with all food stamp and Section 8 voucher applications informing them that their pregnancy was a result of allowing thug sperm to be squirted up inside of them. Attention ghetto hos: Allowing unemployed gansta thugs to inseminate you will result in a pregnancy which you cannot afford. The pregancy will result in a child that you cannot feed, dress, or house without gubbament assistance. Please ensure that in the future you only allow yourself to be inseminated by edumacated, employed thugs (if you can find one). Failure to adhere to these guidelines will result in a lifetime of making excuses for yourself while blaming all of your problems on others whose only real fault is not showing up while you were getting laid so they could tell your thug boyfriend to pull out on time.

    1. HistoriCat

      Those people are just being nice and sending you some additional information. You really should be nice back and reciprocate.

      With tentacle porn.

  20. George Spelvin

    I'ma vote that this is a very straight-faced parody. Reasons:

    1. The spelling and grammar are excellent, except for the isolated segments that aren't.

    2. "edumacated".

    But, then, I am pretty gullible.

    Edit: Also, reply fail. This was supposed to be a reply to WonkCynic.

    1. WonkCynic

      Parody is a dying art now that cartoonists and journalists are persecuted, black listed, and ostracized if they dare to create art or prose that offends those citizens who have become known for their pouting faces, persecution complexes, and institutionalized self esteem. All articles must be scrutinized prior to publication to ensure that no darkies, chillie shitters, bull dykes, or queenies might feel offended or left out. But it is okay to insult rednecks, wing nuts, and trailer trash freely. Because that sells lots of party pins and widgets for our sponsors; and it promotes the agenda of the "chosen one".

      Hail Caesar! Hail Obarmer! Question nothing! Do what our chosen one tells us to do. Obey the propaganda! May the farce be with us. All of us. One big wonderful happy family. Praise Jesus!…um…I mean…Praise Obarmer! Hallelujah! Isn't Zion great? How wonderful is this? Kill me now! Holy Shit!

      1. George Spelvin

        Ohhhkay. So I'm probably wrong again.

        Hint: "Parody" implies that you do not actually believe the stuff you say.

  21. flamingpdog

    Meh, it's way past my bedtime. I gotta drive up to Woody Creek and back in one day tomorrow, and not to pay my respects to HS Thompson, although I'll try to work that in if I have a couple of spare minutes. Carry on, fellow critters, humans, and robots. Hopefully the last blog post of the day tomorrow is a killer.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Good luck and please give my regards to the Good Doctor's ghost while you're there. Thanks.

      EDIT: "Hopefully the last blog post of the day tomorrow is a killer." Even if it isn't we will Make It So.

  22. bagofmice

    Hell, I'm in Seattle doing the tech thing wearing a white hood. Because its raining like Seattle should.

  23. smokefilledroommate

    SOOOO fucking what? *news flash*: voting isn't reserved solely for wealthy caucasian douchebags anymore. Legitimate voter registration is just that. Didn't you get the memo, Ass Boyle?

    1. finallyhappy

      hell, no, we had a voter registration drive at the local community college- many latinos and african(not just black- but actually from Africa) immigrant students. Pretty sure that is really bad as they are not white plus they are going to college.

    2. Negropolis

      Newsflash: the new laws they are putting in place say otherwise. I'm particularly worried about Florida's registration changes. There laws are so spiteful that they basically punished everyone just to stop minority voting. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

    3. weej_bain

      What ho?

      I thought only the landed gentry could vote & by landed that means own the dirt free & clear with none of these tawdry mortgage thingies the minions are so fond of. Did I miss something?

  24. C_R_Eature

    I can Get Behind Oppo research. Carlson and his Flying Monkeys just made me grouchy last night because they're so not worthy.

  25. DahBoner

    To paraphrase Chris Elliot, some people don't like my liberal views, like letting Black people vote.

    Hey, my dog can vote, so I figure, why not Black people, too?

  26. BlueStateLibel

    Next thing you know they're going to be registering the women at the abortionplex to vote!

  27. mavenmaven

    "Because, you know, if Black people vote, it will be much harder to pick em off on the street with our GUNZ…"

  28. C_R_Eature

    I'd like to start a rumor that Brietbart's corpse has been embalmed in wax, like Eva Peron or Lenin and will be put on display at his Big Shrine in California.

  29. Redhead

    To be fair here, guys, what happened for DECADES whenever Carlson's dad and his friends would gather in a group, don hoods and then start marching?

    So you can understand why he's pissing himself now in fear.

  30. Chet Kincaid

    The Web and social media have combined with the audacity of Hopey existing, to rip the scab off America's uninterrupted, vile race-hatred. This is a revelation only to those soft-headed people who were sure that bigotry was over and done with before their brother-in-law started forwarding shit to them from his yahoo mail account. Thanks, Al Gore.

  31. slowhansolo

    Look, we need the voter ID laws because, um, what was it again? RIGHT, because voter fraud at the polls is very hard to prosecute, which is why it seems like it doesn't exist.

    So the best thing, really, is to keep them away from the ballots altogether, and save states the cost of all those free IDs that get us over the hump of poll tax allegations, even though the documents for the free IDs cost money, so…

    Wait, where were we?

  32. valthemus

    Fuck You, Daily Caller
    Fuck You, Daily Caller
    Fuck You, Daily Caller

    My next comment will be more original and less angry. Maybe. I dunno. I need caffeine.

  33. WonkCynic

    Anybody who thinks fancy rich black peoples should have the right to vote should spend a half hour watching "Basketball Wives". Total proof that you can dress up a monkey and put her in a fancy dress but she'll still remain an ignorant street fighting ho until the day she dies. It's the Planet of the Apes. And whitey ain't allowed to speak because the monkeys and their liberal slaves get all pissy about it.

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