Pity the fool.Hey, Mittster, why the long face? What? Your retirement account holding somewhere between $21 and $100 million will be taxed at the same 35 percent rate the rest of us pay, instead of the 15 percent rate for “job creators”? THOSE FUCKERS! How do you even live??? ThinkProgress noted this peach of a story in The Wall Street Journal, which is mostly about funny ways Bain Capital made like 500 percent gains on its employees’ IRAs or something, so what who cayuhs, but it does also have this golden nugget:

One news item, cited approvingly on Mr. Fleischer’s blog, said Mr. Romney didn’t appear to be engaged in an aggressive strategy to use charitable contributions of stock to lower his taxes. Mr. Romney gave $4 million to charity last year, exceeding his tax bill.

Yeah, haha, we almost forgot that Romney is paying $6 million in taxes on $45 million in income (that’s two years’ worth). Don’t know why we would forget something like that; it’s not like he doesn’t keep trying to remind us. Anyhoo, learn something about real sadness, in the form of Romney’s IRA tax problem, after the jump!

Documents analyzed by the Journal show that Mr. Romney co-invested in Bain deals via his IRA, although they don’t show whether he used the special share class to direct more of his gains into the tax-deferred account.

In any case, swelling the IRA to the size Mr. Romney’s reached has “created a tax problem” for the former Massachusetts governor, said a Romney campaign official. Tax-law changes since Mr. Romney’s Bain tenure mean that long-term capital gains in regular accounts now are taxed at 15%. But IRA gains are taxed at ordinary-income rates upon withdrawal, which for Mr. Romney, under current law, would be 35%.

“Who wants to have $100 million in an IRA?” said the campaign official.

Who indeed? More importantly, will Mittens FIRE whomever forgot to let him pay less than half of what your friends and neighbors do? We got a fin says “yes.”

[Wall Street Journal, via ThinkProgress]

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  • Come here a minute

    I'd take 100 million in an IRA, a Hezbollah, or even an Al Qaeda.

    • nounverb911

      Rep. Peter King (R-IRA) appreciates that remark.

    • My IRA will be drawn tomorrow night. $540 million, baby!

      • Blueb4sunrise

        I just put 5 gallons of gas in the clunker and spent $5 on megabucks.

        • Baconzgood

          My grand dad would win over 300 bucks every new's year eve on the lottery. He would take the money he'd spend on the lottery and but it in a peanut butter jar then open it before he went out drinkin'.

          • Lemme guess: Ol' Grand Dad?

          • Baconzgood

            He was a Dewar's man.

          • Dewar do not, there is no dry…

      • Biff

        I drove 22 miles across the state line to get me a winning ticket, and there was a line of fellow winners stretched for about half a mile. I decided I didn't need $540 million all that much. Who knew there would be that many out of work people able to waste a day on such foolishness?

  • nounverb911

    Shit happens! Mitt.

    • Baconzgood

      That's poor people talk.

    • sullivanst

      That's OK, he hires people to clean it up. They're all legal now – he's running for office, for Pete's sake!

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Shit happens!

      – Seamus

    • Biff

      Romney happens.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Romney wipes his ass with that supposed Trillion Dollar bill from The Simpsons – you know, the one with Truman on it.

  • Grief_Lessons

    Mo' money, mo' problems.

    • ph7

      I'll take the 100 millions problems, and report back.

  • nounverb911

    Do you know who else had $100Million in his retirement account?

    • God himself?

    • BarackMyWorld

      I do not! Who?

    • satyricrash

      Ken Layne?

      • Y'know, you may be right. After all, Editrix has refused to deny that's the amount she paid for Wonkette…

    • Fare la Volpe

      No one? Ever?

    • SteveMcCroskey

      The Sultan of Brunei?

    • RadioStalingrad

      ExxonMobil executives?

    • memzilla

      I do! … if by "$100 million," you mean "not $100 million," and by "retirement account," you mean "mattress."

    • Baconzgood

      I'm not sure who but I bet you 100 Million they're pricks. You can't get that much money saved up with out being a MAJOR douche bag.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Ming the Merciless? (negotiated a surprisingly good benefits package)

    • ph7

      The person about to receive my first gay proposal?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Hands off Bitch!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I don't know — but some of them are Mitt's friends.

      On a related note, Mitt's tax advisor is no longer his friend.

    • Not_So_Much

      Emperor Palpatine?



    • snackypants


    • Boojum

      I do. However, I premptively gave it away to all the people who "own" it under our antiquated and insufficiently me-focused system of "laws".

  • Barb

    "In any case, swelling the IRA to the size Mr. Romney’s reached…."

    3 and half inches?

    • smashedinhat

      Ball SACK! If you really wanna cinch the next best post award.

    • CivicHoliday

      You're giving him too much credit. He's barely a 3 at peak levels of excitement, and even that is exceedingly rare. (His wife has to dress up like Scrooge McDuck)

      • Negropolis

        I'm guessing that she has to tape money to her naked body.

        • Boojum

          Yes. With duck tape.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      Up the IRA! Never knew they took $ from Mormons. So, why were they constantly passing the hat in The Black Rose ( one of Boston's finest establishments). And for a hundred million, they sure got screwed on the quality of weapons they wound up with. Still, dealing with Qaddafi and all, what could you expect. What? Not that IRA? Shouldn't I have gotten a memo on this? Can't anyone around here play this game? Hat tip to Casey.

  • SorosBot

    “Who wants to have $100 million in an IRA?”

    The vast majority of people who will never make anywhere near $100 million over our entire lifetimes.

    • BarackMyWorld

      "Vast majority" = 99.9% of people.

      • GOPCrusher

        Unless you are a Tea Bagger, then "Vast majority"=10% of people.

        • All teabaggers will be rich someday, they just know it

  • mormos

    American tax law: more complicated than a physics exam, more mysterious than a higgs-boson, more useless than a limp dildo

    you know who else is more useless than a limp dildo?

    • nounverb911


    • Fare la Volpe

      Mrs. Santorum?

    • SteveMcCroskey

      Joe Lieberman?

    • Callyson

      The 112th Congress?

    • GOPCrusher

      Smilin Bob before the invention of Enzyte?

      • RadioStalingrad

        I hate those skullfucking commercials more than Ryan and Cantor combined.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Mitt's campaign manager?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Callista Gingrich's plastic surgeon?

    • RadioStalingrad


      *Ding-Ding-Ding* I finally got this right. Now what do I win?

      • GOPCrusher

        100 million dollars. To be deposited in your retirement fund. Just post your bank account information here and wait for the transfer.

        • Generation[redacted]

          We will need a small amount upfront to ensure the transaction goes smoothly.

    • Exhausted66

      Fred Durst?

    • Boojum

      Andrew Breitbart?

      Too soon?

  • OHNO! Quick! We must simply elect him President so he can correct this gross oversight! Then he'll let us all have jobs!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Because he is so good at tax planning.

      • Don't bother him with details while he's a-job creatin'!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Don't bother him with details while he's a-job crematin'!


  • AlterNewt

    Why is the government taxing that hard workin' money?

  • ChernobylSoup

    Nobody knows the trouble I've seen
    Nobody knows but Mormon Jesus

    • ph7

      Mormon Jesus just left Utah
      And he's bound for Grand Caymans
      Yeah, yeah.
      Dodgin' taxes from one end to the other
      And all points in between.

    • CivicHoliday

      Subtle win for SpaceBALLZ

  • Fare la Volpe

    Leave him alone, you guys. It's not Mittbott's fault that his creator programmed his steel heart to burn cold hard cash for fuel.

    He just wants to learn how to LOVE.

    • $100 million will buy him a lot of hookers and blow, tho.

      • HistoriCat

        No need to ask what your plan for post lottery-winning is.

        • Actually, I thought I'd set up a foundation to create a halfway house for aging hookers and blow dealers…

    • I thought he wanted to learn how to tell a joke. He's certainly practicing enough (most times by BEING a joke).

  • littlebigdaddy

    Well, he needs it. As they age, Mittbot 2000 units tend to experience critical systems failures on a regular basis. Stuff needs to be replaced, and it ain't cheap.

    • nounverb911

      Unless it's made in China.

      • littlebigdaddy

        Yes, but then you get inferior product, like the empathy module.

        • And lead painted.

        • ChernobylSoup

          Oh, that was good.

  • krasdalefoods

    I'd say he should work until he's dead like the rest of us, but perhaps it's best if we let him retire in luxury at some point, rather than have out there and active to the very end.

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    He should have put his money in a Roth IRA. Then his (qualified) withdrawals would be tax-free, though his contributions wouldn't be tax deductible. Considering that Romney's tax bill probably doesn't hurt him too much year-on-year, this would probably have been the better bet for him.

    Er, I mean, MITTENS haw haw haw SNORT.

    • Wasn't the Roth IRA just invented/legislated in 1998? Don't think that was when R-Money was in his prime griftin' years. But that does make me wonder HOW IN THE FUCK DID HE GET $100,000,000.00 IN A 401(k)??? Even those have annual contribution limits in the tens of thousands, so you'd have to have some "Bernie Madoff wouldn't even try to pretend" annualized returns. Some sort of safe harbor/profit sharing…? How? I don't get it.

      • SheriffJoeBiden

        That may well be. However, I believe you are missing my larger point which is MITTENS feh guh har har poop.

  • Lucidamente1

    "I mean, who wants to be a millionaire a hundred times over. That was the name of some cheesy game show, for goodness sake."

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Has Uncle Moneybags considered hiring a lobbyist for his tax form to go along with the one for his home and the other for his hair?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I bet $10,000 he tries to fix that little glitch in the tax code, if he gets elected. And the GOP will go along with it, out of a suddenly-discovered concern for the average schlub.

  • Baconzgood

    Sure invests alot of money in irish terrorists. Spread some of that dough around to Sinn Fein.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      He dumped it all in the Real IRA. He figured with that kind of bucks floating around, why go for substitutes? Must have really pissed him off when he found out they were all a bunch of commies.

  • Baconzgood

    This poor common man with his common problems.

    • Type of guy I could have a glass of 1982 Château Lafite Rothschild with.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I seriously doubt Mittens'll fire the guy who overloaded his IRA account — the way Rmoney's campaign has worked so far, the guy who improved his debate performance got fired and the guy who called him an Etch-a-Sketch still has a job. That's the kind of sharp strategic thinking that'll win him the presidency.

  • spends2much

    Pffft, Mitt, I know right? Why even bother having $100 million dollars if you are going to have to pay taxes on it!!! Taxes are for losers!

    Bain Capital=The Gambino Family=Colombian Drug Cartel.

    • GOPCrusher

      Only the little people pay taxes.

      -Leona Helmsley

  • bumfug

    “Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1926

    • frostbitefalls

      "They have more money."

      E. Hemingway

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        "And they are SUCH assholes"

        –Anyone who's paying attention

  • BarackMyWorld

    Let's be clear, I'm not jealous of Mitt's "success." And I can't blame him for wanting to pay as little taxes as legally allowed. But I can blame him for not only championing the system that allows him to pay such a low rate, but campaigning for office so he can make it even lower.

    And for being a dick about it.

  • RedneckMuslin

    If you have that much money, why do you need an IRA?

    • So you don't have to pay even the 15% tax due on them

      • sullivanst

        Until you take the money out.

        He'd have been much better off paying the 15% and stashing it in a Roth. Still, at least he gets to fire his tax advisor. And I heard he likes firing people who provide him with services…

        • Until 2010, you couldn't put money in a Roth if your income was over $170,000.

          • sullivanst

            Although apparently Romney's not bothered by the contribution limits they slap on us peons.

            I mean, how do you even get $100 million in an IRA without hitting that punitive overcontribution tax?

          • The article talks about some of Bain's deals getting returns in excess of 5000%.

            That's how. The employees of Bain probably contributed their stock in Bain early on, and designated the earnings to the IRA. There's no limit on what your contributions can earn.

  • GOPCrusher

    I will wear a hoodie in support of Rmoney.

  • prommie

    No worries, win or lose in the election, there will be a highly technical, incomprehensible little provision in the next budget reconciliation bill, providing an "out" for people who made more than $75 million in long-term capital gains through an IRA, providing that in no event shall these gains be taxed at a rate greater than the rate applicable, at the time of withdrawal, to other capital gains.

    Budget Bills are filled with little provisions applicable only to one person or entity, you can tell when they start with something like "This provision applies to S-Corporations incorporated in the US Virgin Islands between the dates of March 1, 1978, and March 2, 1978, and covers returns for the years 2003, 2006, 2007, and 2012." Seriously.

    • RadioStalingrad

      prommie, I hate when you are dead on.

    • And I suppose just any old fella can get one of these provisions inserted in a bill, right? Oh …

      This is one of those things they call a "tax expenditure" rather than the more apt "multi-million giveaway to multi-millionaires", right?

  • owhatever

    Don't worry. The Mittbot will be collecting monthly Social Security payments by then to offset that loss.

    The guy who should be fired is the financial adviser who put that kind of loot into the dopey Reagan-error traditional IRA to begin with, knowing it was going to be taxed as ordinary income on withdrawal. As you can tell, I'm doing my taxes this weekend. Goodbye cruel world.

  • RadioStalingrad

    The Romney/Ryan tax cuts will make the Bush/Obama tax cuts look like chickenfeed.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Not even Charles Dickens could have conceived of a rich character as oblivious to the problems of the poor as Mitt Romney.

    • Baconzgood

      Are there no work houses?

      • Generation[redacted]

        Are there no tax shelters?

        • Are there people who know how many houses they have?

  • pinkocommi

    Poor R-money. It's not just that he has a first-world problem. It is that he has a problem unique to the 1%. Poor, poor Mittens.

    • ♪♫ He takes his S-Class out on Mercedes' track, didn't buy no Series E
      His Bain Fund's worth over a hundred mil
      Poor, poor pitiful Mit ♫♪

  • aguacatero

    Romney gave 4 million to "charity," or to a Salt Lake City-based "anti-gay lobbying group" — you make the call.

    • Not_So_Much

      Magic underoos and your own planet don't come cheap.

    • NOMM = National Organization for Multiple Marriages

  • MissTaken

    You know, for a guy who always yaps that he's a businessman who knows how business works and that's why he should be POTUS, he's really fucking bad at the business stuff. Even *I* know that you don't leave your millions in an regular old IRA. We have loads of investors transfer their holdings into cap gain accounts for just this reason. And trust me, those are his rich friends who could've told him to move his money. Idiot.

    • SorosBot

      These are the same rich friends who can't tell him that constantly bragging about how rich he is on the campaign trail just hurts him with the voters, so I think they must be pretty fucking stupid.

    • Oh come ON! $100 million to Mitt is a rounding error! It's the change in his sofa cushions! You can't expect an important man like Mitt to pay attention to details!

    • Not_So_Much

      He probably did it on purpose to, again, show how he's just like us. What with the money woes and all.

    • Midway117

      He may be rich, but it seems he has no friends. Or, no friends that will give him money advice over a few beers. This is what happens when you don't drink, don't talk about money, and don't have a soul.

      • elviouslyqueer

        A few beers? Pshaw. Mitt wouldn't be caught quaffing anything less than a double magnum of vintage Chateau Mouton-Rothschild.

        DEIT: Forgot the whole Mormon thing. Fuck.

        • Boojum

          DEIT is now a meme.

    • Mitt's been running for president for six years. If he does have friends, he hasn't seen them since 2006 without asking them for something. By this point they're plenty sick of him. How many will give him a million then pull a Nicolle Wallace and not vote on election day?

  • Baconzgood

    When asked about Christmas Mitt was quoted by saying "Humbug".

  • Antispandex

    “Who wants to have $100 million in an IRA?” said the campaign official."

    Well, shit, just about anyone I'd guess…if not, I'm willing to make the sacrifice.

    • GOPCrusher

      Take one for the team, eh?

  • Further proof that IRAs are for suckers. I have all my money invested in consumer electronics and single malt whiskey.

    • I bought Thomas Kincade plates from the Franklin Mint. The NASCAR line.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        AMR stock for me.

        • Baconzgood

          Plastics Benjamin!

          • RadioStalingrad

            Wonkette Stock.

          • Generation[redacted]

            Snark Futures.

          • RadioStalingrad

            Right, and shorting Skullfucking.

          • Boojum

            Dildos, tranny porn, and bare backed securities.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Once again, a conservative single malt portfolio pays off for the thirsty investor!

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      Balvenie twelve year old double barrel. Glenfarklis (no, I'm NOT making the name up. They came up with that beauty all by themselves. And beautiful it is indeed) 21 year old if I've been really good. Don't even get me started on Abelour single barrel 120 proof. Damn. Now I need a drink

      • Toomush_Infer

        too bad you can't afford one….

  • sullivanst

    I'll take "Problems You Wish You Had" for $10,000 please, Alex.

  • Mahousu

    Romney also has 50,000 savings bonds ($25 each), 125,000 filled "collect all 50 states quarters" cards, and a 550-gallon penny jar. Plus 93,147 books of green stamps.

    • But not even one gold coin from Goldline. What is wrong with him?

      • Do we know who OWNS Goldline? Bain Capital?

  • smitallica

    Why is this a problem? Those car elevators don't build themselves, people.

  • WiscDad

    He IS good at firing people…just like his daddy who single-handedly stripped Michigan of jobs and gave them to Wisconsin (in return for sexytime favors I'm sure) and then stripped the jobs from America completely.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    “Who wants to have $100 million in an IRA?” said the campaign official.


    Jesus, these people are dumber than my dog and my dog is pretty fuckin dumb. When she farts too loud she gets scared and tries to run away from her own butt.

    • Limeylizzie

      I do that too.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Lucky. Mine would wake himself up with his own farts, realize how noxious it was, and leave me in a fetid office stuck on a conference call.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Well, my dog is smart and silent…..

  • Generation[redacted]

    You people are just too lazy to put $100 million in an IRA.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I just can't get it out of the pool that I throw myself into each night, where I wallow in it. Oh damn, I forgot to put down a few hundred K for the dog to piddle on.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Can somebody please do the math and tell me what kind of return this asshole is getting to have that much money in an IRA given the contribution restrictions? I would do it myself but math is hard!

    • Better than 3 cherries on a $300 × 3 multiplier slot machine just west of Zion in Nevada.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        By my calculation if I put $5000 a year in my IRA and get 7% annual return it should take me about 107 years to earn $100,000,000. No problem!

        • George Spelvin

          I actually saw an explanation of this. The details caused my eyes to cross, but approximately: It's a tax dodge for rich people (I know that's a surprise) by which he was able to contribute stock — maybe it was his Bain stock — to the IRA, but to report the contributed value as being absurdly low (like, under the contribution limits). I'm not sure, but I think maybe this can be done because there is no obvious market value for not-publicly traded stock. Or maybe it's just a rich-guy giveaway.

          Anyhow, the good news for Rmoney is that once the goodies are in the IRA, any further value growth, or selling the stock for cash, or whatever, is tax-deferred. The potential bad news is that if he withdraws money from the IRA, it's taxed as ordinary income. I'm guessing that the reason for having so fucking much in the IRA is an attempt to get around the estate tax.

    • Well, the article cites 50% to 80% a year, but that's probably returns to investors. Hedge fund managers get 20% off the top (plus a percent or two each year in management fees) and probably don't have to put much money into any specific deal. I'm sure his stock (which is what he contributed) at least doubled each year.

      They do mention one investment that returned 3600% and that some Bain employees saw a 58300% return on their IRAs over ten years

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I am just amazed he can have that much in an IRA, or are the rich not hindered by the same $5000 yearly contribution limit that us plebs are?

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I kinda wanna know the same thing(?).

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Roughly 5,000 dollars profit per dollar invested. "Bain deals". Not available to plebians.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Mittens can go straight to … Well you, I guess.

        • Where, BSFD, there will be many to enjoy eons of carnal knowledge of the Mit cranium.

  • When I am retired I will be sharing Poultry Platter and Mariner's Catch with Mr. Giggles and ChubChub.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      When I am retired, they will have invented reanimating fluid with the Ocean Fresh scent made by Febreze.


    I thought some of his best friends were CPAs. Oh well.

    • His best friends OWN CPAs: his skiing pals Biggie Deloitte, Frenchie Touche, Bernie Ernst, and Sam Young. They place $10,000 bets on who falls down first.

  • Limeylizzie

    I was literally sobbing about the healthcare situation and the fucking meanness and cruelty of this country, this morning, those really hideous sobs, when you can't talk or catch your breath and it is almost painful. It comes from being raised with the Soshalism, it fucking works, I had epilepsy at age 8 and my family was seriously poor, free school dinners poor, father with rickets in childhood poor, uncles with black lung due to being coal-miners poor and the fucking welfare state made it possible for me to have one of the best neurologists in Britain and go to Oxford University because although I was poor and my mother had died when I was 7 and my father had to give up any promotions at work, so he could try and take care of his children , I was fucking smart, so fuck you, fucking, fucking bastard Republicans and your inherent sense of nastiness and cruelty and lack of caring for anyone but yourselves and yes, fucking, cuntish, entitled, clueless Mitt Romney, I AM looking at you.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      But LL, they truly believe they are better than others and that they deserve what they deserve. Can't you see?

      I understand and I feel your pain. Fuckers! They deserve the Rev'lutoin they seem to be wanting.

      • Limeylizzie

        I hate them so much, viscerally hate them and , as MrLimeylizzie assures me , we are one of the 6% , he has made a lot of money in Hollywood over the years, but he would no more vote Republican than fly over the fucking moon .

        • Toomush_Infer

          What's wrong with flying over the fucking moon…? But as for voting Republican, that's an altogether, altogether other matter….

    • And yet all three parties in the UK seem set on dismantling the system of public welfare and health that was like a shining beacon to those less fortunate (like in Amerikkka) where we have the "Pay or Die" system.

      And what the hell is going on with the University system there? I read the London Review of Books which is full of grim foreboding on the future of higher education in the UK.

      • Limeylizzie

        I know, it's just awful, the Labour Party used to be the party for the working class and because of the Thatcher and Blair Governments it is now indistinguishable from the Tories.

        • I'll never understand it. You have textbook reasons to be selfish, hoard every penny you've earned, lord your successes over your peers, hide Mr. Limeylizzy from all the other girls, feel you never have enough. Yet you have empathy, you share, you have a sense of humor, you help others enjoy life. You were brought up amid disaster and deprivation, yet you have a conscience. There are other people brought up in Rmoney wealth who have consciences. No one will ever convince me the Kennedys' empathy wasn't genuine. Jay Rockefeller may do some douchy things, but he STILL lives in West Virginia, ferchristsake. There are plenty of people in Hollywood with huge hearts no matter how fake other parts of them are. I cry, too, over why people can't see other people's pain and misery. My grandfather was a coal miner in Western Pennsylvania. Why didn't I turn out like Santorum?

          • Limeylizzie

            Oh darling, what a lovely thing to say, I will always be a working-class, fat, funny-looking, epileptic, motherless girl from the wrong side of the tracks! MrLimeylizzie grew up Catholic in Salt Lake City in the 40s and 50s and then became a hippie in the 60s, he came from no money and then married a girl from Beverly Hills and he never changed , the marriage was a disaster but he is still an old hippie who happened to be talented and in the right place at the right time.I think I just see my family and know from whence they came and how can you not have empathy for anyone in similar straits?

    • fuflans

      that's it, right there, isn't it? the old world and the new? the good and the bad, the best of times, the worst, etc. right there in the telling of your life:

      your family was saved by gov't soshializms.

      mr LL made it in the land of broken dreams from small time roots.

      you should be our dickens.

      that being said, yeah, i spent yesterday alternating b/t rage and tears. and yeah, fuck them on every level. in every available opening.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Captain Jean-Luc Picard: "The economics of the future is somewhat different. You see, money doesn't exist in the 24th century."

    Lily Sloane: "No money? You mean, you don't get paid?"

    Captain Jean-Luc Picard: "We work to better ourselves."

    • Franknflower

      Ha Ha!

    • French.

    • Boojum

      Captain Kirk would have said "butter" instead of "better".

  • But some Bain employees saw a 583-fold increase over the same period on IRA money they invested in the special share class of that company.

    Damn. That is a LOT of folds.

    • Fizkal Origami.

    • snackypants

      Almost as many folds as Newt has.

  • BlueStateLibel

    So much for Mitt Rmoney having such "business acumen" and "money smarts," the idiot would invest his entire fortune in lottery tickets if his advisors told him to. Also, is that a photo of him from the future? Because that's exactly what he's going to look like in November when he has to give his concession speech.

  • James Michael Curley

    Starting with a couple assumptions which may be off a few percentage points, I get, after contributing the maximum amount to an IRA every year they existed, Mitt would have contributed a little over $117,500. How the fuck do you grow $117,500 to $100,000,000 and why the fuck didn't anyone tell me?

    • TheGyrus

      It only works if your employer is willing to furnish your retirement account with securities which they have "assigned" a suspiciously low value.

      • James Michael Curley

        But, since this vehicle is an IRA, the employer doesn’t choose the investments as in a 401K. So, Mitt got to choose them himself and if they were ‘assigned a suspiciously low value’ how did he know they would be a viable investment value. Did he have ‘inside’ information? Never got disclosed nor acted on by the SEC as contrasted by the Martha Stewart matter. But, she was a lifelong Democrat.

  • C_R_Eature

    "Hey, Mitt! You've got $100,000,000 in an IRA! What do you say about that?"

    "Uh, well…Money, It's a gas!
    Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash" .

  • GeorgiaBurning

    How did he get those returns? Pimping and money laundering don't pay that well, do they? Seriously, if I had 100 million in an IRA, I'd skip the legal BS, pay the 35% tax, take the remaining 65 million and SEE YA…..! But I'm part of the 99%.

  • ttommyunger

    Dickish multi-millionaires are people, too, my friend; but just barely.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Finally, we know what Mitt wants to be President.

  • elfgoldsackring

    Well, to be fair, he will have an entire planet to look after in retirement.

  • TheGyrus

    You can contribute around $5000 a year to and IRA. How the hell did Mitt make $5000 a year add up to tens of millions of dollars?

    • BlueStateLibel

      That's where having a bunch of wives comes in handy.

    • TheGyrus

      This is a crazy idea, but maybe there should be, I don't know, some kind of upper limit to the amount of money you are allowed to shelter, tax-deferred, in what should be a middle-class retirement program?

      Nah, that's class warfare Bolshevism…. we wouldn't want to disincentivize the job creators, now, would we….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Two words: Bain Capital

  • Biff

    Haha mittens, I only get dinged 25% on my deferred comp, which before your dick friends on Wall St. fucked us all, might've someday amounted to something. Joke's on you!

  • rocktonsam

    how many zeros are in a tratrillion go fuck yourself's you pretentious asshole?

  • fuflans

    i don't really understand this math but i know i was not really employed last year and yet i somehow still owe the states of IL and CA some moneys.

    and not single digit moneys.

    also, i'm pretty sure my 2011 earnings would possibly cover a large pizza with extra cheese. probably not pepperoni though.

  • WonkCynic

    Who do you think cries harder when he breaks a nail while getting a golf club out of the bag: Obama or Romney?

  • larrykat

    Well, there goes the elevator attendant for his new car elevator. Way to kill jobs, IRS.

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