happiness is

Dentist Lawyer Realtor Birther Orly Taitz To Have Privilege Of Losing To Sen. Dianne Feinstein

And then they put me in GuantanamoDon’t try to tell us God doesn’t smile on Your Wonkette. Why else would Dentist/Lawyer/Real Estate Agent/Birther (so much threat!) Dr. Orly Taitz Esquire be leading in the GOP primary to take on California Senator Dianne Feinstein? Your Wonkette is no particular fan of ol’ (and we mean ol’) DiFi, having once been present when the esteemed senator delivered a bitchy little speech about how all those dastardly teachers and unions were to blame for the state of the schools. Fucking Dianne Feinstein blargh! HOWEVER! More importantly right now, in the race to lose to her, ORLY TAITZ IS LEADING THE PACK!

Explainer us, The Orange County Register:

Taitz is the best known of the candidates, thanks to her numerous suits against Obama, and polls at 19 percent among Republican voters, according to the poll by Los Angeles businessman Al Ramirez. Ramirez places second at 15 percent. Danville autism advocate Elizabeth Emken received the state GOP’s endorsement on Sunday but was tied for last place at 2 percent in the Ramirez poll.

The fact of the matter, though, is that few have heard of most of the candidates – 38 percent responded they didn’t know who they’d vote for if the election were held today. And Ramirez’ Latino surname, the only one on the list, may have helped him.

Oh reporter Martin Wisckol, once again you are hilarious! In a GOP primary Ramirez’s Latino surname might have helped him — you have seen the comments on any story ever on Orange County Register Dot Com, si?

In the meantime, Taitz is teaming up to combat voter fraud with perhaps the only other woman in the known universe who has just about precisely the same claim to sanity as does Taitz: Nevada loser Sharron Angle. She announced it on her Jukt Micronics website, by posting some illiterate sexts between the two. Here, have a look-see:
Nice website

You guys, will Orly Taitz triumph over the obvious and rampant GOP voter fraud? Will James O’Keefe help expose the GOP’s obvious and rampant voter fraud? Will Nobama ever show Joe Arpaio his draft card? STAY TUNED!

[Orange County Register/HuffPo]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  • Barb

    How many birthers does it take to change a light bulb?
    Doesn't matter, they will never see the light anyway.

    • DCBloom

      Can I tweet that?

      • Barb

        Morning DC, tweet away!

        • DCBloom

          Done, and good morning to you too.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Oh, god, I hope they change that light bulb wearing wet socks.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Under iron boots

        • Jus_Wonderin

          While leaving the cake out in the rain.

          • Biff

            I don't think that I could take it.

          • Barb

            Biff, it took so long to bake it.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            I'll never have THAT recipe again

          • Rosie_Scenario

            OOOHHH! NOOOOO!

          • AlterNewt

            …annnnnd… scene.

        • Baconzgood

          While I box their ears.

        • comrad_darkness

          I bet you could sell them on gold plated boots for the bling alone . . .

    • oldedinvn

      I am a conservavist person. Before he shows me another lite bub, I wants to no his birfh papers.
      Am lite bubs like candels?

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Don't get them started on incandescent vs. compact fluorescent bulbs. Freedumb from longer-lastic, energy efficient technology.

  • metamarcisf

    To boost her chances, Orly Taitz is considering plastic surgery. Last time she looked in the mirror, the reflection threw up.

    • nounverb911

      Mirror, mirror on the wall,
      Who's the ugliest of them all….

    • Schmegeg

      I don't think there is an on-line degree for that.

  • nounverb911

    Is Orly going to run on her experience?

    • DetectiveGrey

      She apparently has plenty.

      • HistoriCat

        "hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter" – Feinstein is going to be in real trouble if Orly uses this as her campaign slogan.

    • DaRooster

      Well, since blowhard, mouthy, self indulged, spineless liars and vile pieces of shit seem to fit in pretty well… she does have plenty.

    • flamingpdog

      Her out-of-body experience?

  • chicken_thief

    Please, oh, please, God, let her win. For the lulz!!!

    • Callyson

      Senator Feinstein, is that you?

  • Joshua Norton

    Man, would I love to live in their fantasy world. It sounds AWESOME!

    • DaRooster

      Kinda like Ricky's "I'm pretty good at ALL sports" world…

    • AlterNewt

      And someone with your avatar should know a little something about fantasy worlds.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Vote Orly: Keel Moose und Sqwirrel 2012

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Bullwinkle libel.

    • skoalrebel

      Здравствуй, товарищ! Наш план удался. Больше водки, пожалуйста.

      • AquaBuddha

        'Real Americans™' only speak English.

        • skoalrebel

          Leck mich am Arsch! [spuck]

      • flamingpdog

        RUN, MABEL!! The Rooskies* took over teh Wonkette!!!

        *spitski*

        • YasserArraFeck

          That takes some chootzpa!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Russkie!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Can't

      That would be a union ticket, Local 12.

      • Biff

        I'm retired from Local 12!

    • Steverino247

      LET ME FEENISH! LET ME FEENISH!

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        I just had an image of Orly yelling that at her husband in the sack. Now I must go vomit my brains out through my eyeballs.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Uh, she hasn't been doing him for a while now, so more likely her … urp … boyfriend.

  • chicken_thief

    Long form Moldovan birff cert or gtfo, Oily!!!!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Alternatively: Taitz or GTFO!

  • skoalrebel

    Orly Taitz? Can she sue Obama while running for Senate? This whole business confuses me greatly. I consulted the latest issue of Conservative Teen and my copy of the Constitution. [spit!] Then I asked myself, "what would Dale Earnhard, Sr. do?" So I drove around in circles at high speed, thought really hard about abstinence, and exercised my right to bear arms. Not sure I'm any closer to an answer, though. [spit!]

    • DCBloom

      Did you consult Leviticus?

      • skoalrebel

        I don't trust any source that denies me the right to eat barbecue.[spit!] So, no.

        • LesBontemps

          Good thing. That's some Jew book.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Leviticus? Sounds Jewish…

      • flamingpdog

        Or Levijohnston?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Levi your johnston outa this, pdog.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Bravo SkoalRebel – Your wise words show once again how this country has lost its way since it stopped listening to the simple farmers, people of the land, the common clay.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Can't believe no one finished it off for you after twelve hours:

        You know, morons.

        Ew, I feel dirty.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          Some things are just worth waiting for…well done.—

    • chicken_thief

      Watch out for the wall….. please!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Dentist/Lawyer/Real Estate Agent/Birther/VCR Repair/Taxidermist/Home Computer Repair Specialist/Paralegal/Private Detective/HVAC Repair/Dental Hygienist/Home Healthcare Aide/Manicurist/Lawn Care Professional/Locksmith/Car Stereo Installer/Hospitality Specialist

    • BlueStateLibel

      She's a jackass of all trades.

    • bagofmice

      You forgot hotter/younger/wetter/tighter.

  • Lucidamente1

    Now if she can just get Christine O'Donnell as her spokesperson.

    • nounverb911

      "I'm just like you, an illegal immigrant"
      –Orly Taint

  • bfstevie

    Way to bury the lede, Wonkette. No mention at all of the link to "Appealing Dentistry". Who wouldn't want a Soviet-trained dentist-lawyer rooting around in their mouth?

    • Biff

      Right? My grandfather was a carpenter by trade when he enlisted in the army. They had all the carpenters they needed, so they made him a dentist. When WWI was over, he went back to building shit.

    • oldedinvn

      & selling you real estate while you are under.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    So, what evidence do you have to support this claim that there was massive election fraud?

    I didn't WIN, did I?

    QED

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wait, she's polling at 19% AND leading?

    Who did she blow? I figure that 19% is about five Republicans.

    • prommie

      All of them. And still only 19% voted for her.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Maybe if she took her toof out.

  • Baconzgood

    …but….but, voter fraud is the only way she'll win.

  • Baconzgood

    She can't run she's from Commie Russia. Emerican Birf Certificate or GTFO!

    • crittersbybritty

      In all seriousness how about Green Card or Naturalization Certificate? Orly has refused to provide either, and there is a reporter out there who has been requesting them for months.

    • oldedinvn

      The current is from Kenya. She gots a relly good chance.

  • SorosBot

    Vote Orly Taintz: prove the GOP has given up on actually having a chance at winning elections outside the Confederate Traitor States.

  • CapnFatback

    I had heard that they were making a sequel to The Expendables! Can't wait for the montage where Taitz and Engle enlist Christine O'Donnell, Joe Miller, and Alan Keyes to round out their inferior squadron!

    • Tundra Grifter

      There's also Lynn Swann, Joe the Plumber, Duh Gov'Nuh…the roster goes on and on…

  • Goonemeritus

    Ms. Taitz might not be senatorial timber; it might help if she could find some issue that she could champion that would provide some media exposure.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Editrix?

    Nice Shattered Glass reference.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    Lady GahGah.

  • prommie

    Tight, wet Orly!

    • prommie

      Come on, those are awesome qualifications!

      • LesBontemps

        Taitz for Hotter, Hornier, Wetter, Tighter Government!

        Yeah, that should work.

        Although I'd rather see Mary Carey in the race on that platform.

    • oldedinvn

      Fap ?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Could anyone stuff something in that woman's mouth????

    • nounverb911

      Newt?

    • flamingpdog

      Does anyone know what the poo on last night's last blog post went to?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      I thought that guy who described her as hot wet and tight did.

    • oldedinvn

      Witch ones?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      I b'leev her husband's still trying to get her to shut up long enough for him to.

  • proudgrampa

    Jeez. The comedy sort of writes itself, no?

  • docterry6973

    Please oh please, California GOP! Please nominate Orly Taitz, because I need someone to point to and laugh at.

  • DaRooster

    So when does the "Diane Feinstein, show us your birth certificate" stuff start?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    The Cal primary isn't until June 5. This GOP senate race could well turn into a kabuki redition of the Heaven's Gate cyanide/arsenic Hale-Bopp-bop-a-lu-lu.

    • oldedinvn

      Youngism. Think the movie " Fireman Fireman save my child.
      OK, I may have been the only person to see that Spike Jones movie.
      That, sir/maam makes Heavens Gut look like Oscar material.

      • MoeDeLawn

        Fireman Save My CHild is a fantastic movie. Joe E. Brown's moment in the sun…

    • James Michael Curley

      But unlike Heaven's Gate it will be over in eight months.

    • Steverino247

      Could? HAS!

  • widestanceromance

    Dentist/Lawyer/Real Estate Agent/Birther/VCR Repair/Taxidermist/Home Computer Repair Specialist/Paralegal/Private Detective/HVAC Repair/Dental Hygienist/Home Healthcare Aide/Manicurist/Lawn Care Professional/Locksmith/Car Stereo Installer/Hospitality Specialist. . .is no way to go through life, hon.

  • Not_So_Much

    DiFi won't be gentle in her skull-fucking of this nimrod. But in Orly's defense, I thought she was wackily charming in 'Green Acres'.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Eva Gabor libel!

      When I was at the U of Miami we watched reruns every day. Good times!

      • Jus_Wonderin

        "I get allergic smelling hay…………………"

      • prommie

        At U of Gators, we watched the epic story of Luke and Laura. Never could figure out what chicks saw in that Luke guy.

        • Not_So_Much

          We watched that crap every. single. day. That was right before Demi Moore came on the show as the husky-voiced, dark-haired siren. She was awfully attractive back then. Kardashians (sp? for the fictional GH version?) when they were just pretend evil. Them was the days….

      • Toomush_Infer

        don't you mean Arnold libel!?….

        • Tundra Grifter

          Arnold was the smartest person on the show – although Mr. Haney did give him a close run.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Dianne Feinstein…the esteemed senator delivered a bitchy little speech

    Yeah but she was great in the opening scene of "Life and Times of Harvey Milk," in her role as…. oh, what? Herself. Still I've no doubt she carps airily about pet issues, however misguided they might be, and her mirror has two faces, etc. (Maybe more than two!)

  • qwerty42

    Won't it be difficult to run a campaign and be crazy at the same time? It does not seem to have worked out so well for Angle or the (not)witch.

  • Limeylizzie

    So, the choice would be tighter, wetter, insane vs. drier, looser, sane?

    • prommie

      Gotta admit, I'd have to go with tight, wet, insane.

      • Limeylizzie

        Natch. I'd go with bigger, firmer, smoother over tiny, flaccid veiny.

    • oldedinvn

      All of them?
      OK, I am disparate.Heh.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Oh. Lizzie, just hearing you write the words…..

    • Barrelhse

      Niu Bi, or not Niu Bi?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        NOT niu bi, lor.

  • spends2much

    Ah, the New GOP- finally appealing to the immigrant population! (subset of Complete Wacko Conspiracy Theorists)

    Kudos, GOP, kudos.

    • oldedinvn

      Or, just going for most Americans.

  • Baconzgood

    GOP Platform: See how bat shit insane our canidates can get.

    Glenn Beck, line 2 is for you.

  • Terry

    I think Miz Orly needs to immediately announce that she's running against Mitt and the gang for the GOP presidential nomination.

  • flamingpdog

    Love the post, Editrix, but that copy of those messages between Shern and Oily makes me think you might want to visit your friendly eye doctor. Or have I just experienced too many self-love sessions lately?

    • proudgrampa

      Check the palms of your hands.

  • Tundra Grifter

    It's a very poor idea to clink on that link! Orly's website is notoriously full of malware and other horrible viruses. It's risker than a two-dollar hooker.

    • proudgrampa

      TWO-DOLLAR HOOKER LIBEL!

    • Ruhe

      Malware that is typically placed by…you guessed it…Russian mobsters. I see a very useful analogy her for describing Orly's candidacy!

    • oldedinvn

      2 Dollars? Damn, that is exspeniiver than

      i can pay.

  • DetectiveGrey

    Let's see…

    5.3 million Republican voters. A conservative estimate suggests maybe half are men, so it sounds like Orly Taitz is planning on single-handedly (mouthedly?) raising 26 and a half million dollars. That's enough for a campaign, right?

  • comrad_darkness

    Hear that? That's the republican clown car revving up.

  • LagunaB

    Dear Rebecca,
    I understand your comments regarding Diane, I do, but. I lived in San Francisco in the 70's and 80's. After Harvey and George were murdered November 1978, she held the city together. Her husband Bertram Feinstein had died of colon cancer earlier that year and she was going to leave politics. She was the one who found Harvey dead. So yeah, it has been a lot of years since that time. But I remember.

    • proudgrampa

      "But I remember."

      Yup. Me, too. That was some bad stuff that went down that day.

    • Tundra Grifter

      LagunaB:

      We had just been through the horrors of the Jonestown Massacre (I've never particularly liked the phrase "drink the KoolAide" – wonder why?).

      Dianne did hold the city together. I worked very hard on her campaign for Mayor when she finally won – she deserved to win, and I've always been very proud to have made a difference in The City.

      Is she perfect? Of course not. However, looking back on her lifetime of public service, she is as good as almost any of folks in public life. And certainly better than most.

      • LagunaB

        Not to forget – Tales of the City, Graffeo coffee, Casa Sanchez corn chips, and the best restaurant meals for the least money.

        • proudgrampa

          Irish Coffee at the Buena Vista.

          My version of heaven.

    • Steverino247

      I met her back when I was politically active and found her to be a person who really cared about making government work for people. Perhaps that's faded since then, I don't know. I can only guess at the damage that's done at seeing people you care about shot dead. That fucks with heads long after the events.

      • Tundra Grifter

        I don't think that has changed. She came from a well-to-do background, and has spent her life trying to make the lives of others better. She is personally very honest – and that's more than you can correctly say about many, many politicians.

        Her daughter has been a judge, active in the community and doing charity work, for decades. Funny and cute, too – at least in '79 during the campaign.

  • Biff

    OK. I left California to escape Hitler-Jugend Schwarzenegger. Now I've been in Nevada since 2004, and, well, I'm kinda sick of it because of shit like Sharrrrron Angle, and am riding the fence about moving back to California, and you just cold drop this on me this morning?

    Oh for fuck's sake…

    (I'ma still drive to CA today to get me a sweet winning MegaMillions ticket, though.)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, maybe you should consider a move to AZ. How could it possibly get any more fucked up than it already is? So, no surprises.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Save yourself the trip: I've got the winning ticket

      • Biff

        You bastard!

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      There's a special place in Hell for Maria Shriver.

    • MissTaken

      Come back! It's better now, we got Jerry again and his doggie Sutter which makes all this insanity okay.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Taitz 2012: Isn't it time for a leader who's tighter, wetter, and crazier?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Just for shits and giggles, Google, "Ramussen-pulse"…for more shits and giggles.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      There's a great cartoonist in San Francisco named Rasmussen.
      My favorite is one he did of Maria Shriver hang-gliding using her cheek bones as wings.
      (Can't find it for you, unfortunately.)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Not ASSMUSSEN?

  • LiberalMantra

    Taitz fighting GOP voter fraud? That's kinda like the Vatican hiring a sex-crimes prosecutor. This really has Green Acres feel to it, and why not, in the state with Pixley. All it needs now is Arnold Ziffel's endorsement.

  • rickmaci

    Birthers are like cockroaches. Once you have them, it's damn near impossible to get rid of them and they are annoying as all hell, scurrying around in the dark doing who knows what. Oily Teeth is the queen of the birther roaches.

  • prommie

    Just think of what a great astronaut she would have made. She'd make the diapered attempted murderer look like a piker.

  • oldedinvn

    Chit, now I unnerstand why I left Umeerica. Devolution is. Can Umerica find a way to make stupid, the konstitutiun religion?
    Umerikun exceptshunilizm at its bestest.

  • Chichikovovich

    …once again you are hilarious! In a GOP primary Ramirez’s Latino surname might have helped him [?]

    Actually Latinos have gotten a bit of a bump in popularity in GOP circles recently, on account of George Zimmerman.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Drill, baby, drill!

  • oldedinvn

    Beets what I wanted to say.

  • Ruhe

    In anticipation of facing Ms. Taitz in the general election Senator Feinstein's staff is proposing candidate debate rules under which the Senator would cede the floor to the challenger for an un-interupted period of fifty minutes.

  • Redhead

    Show us your birf certifikit, Orly!

    So we can see whether it says "male" or "female."

  • WiscDad

    Dentist, Lawyer, Real Estate Agent, Birther will be a movie before November. Based on the famous John le Carre novel Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. Here's the synopsis – In the bleak days of the Obama administration, idiot Tea Bagger Oily Taint is forced from her job as truck stop blow job queen to uncover a liberal coverup of President Obama's eligibility to serve as POTUS.

  • oldedinvn

    Orly, screw the senate. Umerica worships stewpid, Go for president

  • TheMightyHaltor

    I need to register orlyfornia.com right now!

    • bikerlaureate

      orlylovecanbreakaheart.com ?

  • chascates

    "There are lots of important races there." She means 'white'.

  • Manhattan123

    In Soviet Union, wigs wear you.

  • teebob2000

    "World's Leading Obama Eligibility Challenge Web Site"

    AAAAA-Hahahahahahaha!!!! Hey, how does one quantify that?? By how many of one's lawsuits have been laughed out of court?

  • swordfis

    "Danville autism advocate Elizabeth Emken." Why would she advocate autism? Doesn't it suck?

    • LetUsBray

      Everything the Rethuglicans advocate does.

  • ttommyunger

    Will no one rid me of this Oily Taint?

  • Nopantsmcgee

    I beleive DiFi was also opposed to the marijuana bill in Ca.

    No, I'm not a fan of hers, either.

  • swordfis

    Only in America can a fringe lunatic run for office and win: I used to think that Michelle Bachmann was universally absurd, but I was wrong. Never underestimate the power of crazy.

  • James Michael Curley

    orlytaitzforsenate.com is taken but not all the other extensions

    For those who have a few bucks and some spare time – time to go to work.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    If Ben Nelson was an aging Jewish millionairess from California, he'd be Dianne Feinstein.

    I know it's important to have a Democratic majority, on account of the committee appointments and setting the agenda and whatnot, but it might be worth it.

    I dislike Senator Feinstein that much.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Rick Santorum! Orly Taitz! Joe the Plumber! More wingnuts! More! Their mad jesting pleases me!

  • Toomush_Infer

    I can't remember – which generation of the Idiocracy is this?…

  • joemamabesser

    July micronics website is the best reference ever. Well done

  • DahBoner

    If this year is 1976, I'd tap that…