PRETTY COOL PEOPLE  9:15 am March 29, 2012

Rick Santorum’s New Pitch To Voters: I Am Good At Some Sports

by Jim Newell

not good enough to win a presidencyRick Santorum has chosen a new strategy in his quest to win the Republican presidential nomination that he cannot mathematically win: Talkin’ sports. You know, shootin’ the shit with his buddies, the voters, about golf, baseball, bowling. Shooting guns. Those sports. He’s very good at them all, just like Vladimir Putin is at fucking tigers or eating tigers or lying about fucking tigers or whatever it is the Russkies do to look kewl. Did you know Santorum hit a golf ball purty good recently? And then also, too, hit a baseball? Can we just make him permanent Emperor of America right now?

The Wall Street Journal reports on this latest tack, in which he plays the high school sports star who never grew up and is now mostly pathetic:

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. — Rick Santorum has begun bragging about his sporting skills in an effort to connect with Midwestern voters.

He has been telling crowds in Wisconsin that he hit a golf ball 270 yards out and it landed on a floating green in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, last month. “Wow, that’s a really long shot,” he said here..

As for shooting, Mr. Santorum says he put 14 consecutive shots from a revolver on target at a gun range in Louisiana last week. He’s apparently not too bad at baseball either, and he offers a recent video of him taking batting practice at Louisiana State University as proof. “That became a little bit of a YouTube sensation because I was hitting the ball pretty good,” Mr. Santorum said of the video, viewed 22,000 times.

Here’s footage of Santorum “riding the bike pretty good,” too:

fucking good at biking as shit

He’s just great at all sports! He will have to get a job soon.

[WSJ]

 
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{ 179 comments }

Barb March 29, 2012 at 9:17 am

He looks like the kind of sissy that would pull a hamstring playing lawn darts and have to quit.

Terry March 29, 2012 at 9:49 am

Yep, his bragging about sports rings about as true as Mitt admitting he loves him some grits.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:59 am

No, I can see Santorum playing some football.

His position? Left out.

SorosBot March 29, 2012 at 10:09 am

Tight end.

HippieEsq March 29, 2012 at 10:13 am

no. Defensive Back. Very defensive, in fact.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:32 am

Unless it's the Frothy Mix formation, in which case, wide receiver.

Callyson March 29, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Or wide receiver.

HippieEsq March 29, 2012 at 10:12 am

Stretching is too much like Yoga and thus clearly will send you straight to hell.

MoeDeLawn March 29, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Can't play lawn darts no more. Obama's FEMA troops have confiscated all of 'em.

FlownOver March 29, 2012 at 9:17 am

Aughhh! That pic!

I'm trying to eat breakfast here!

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 9:20 am

What have you got against bike riding kitties?

Callyson March 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Hey, I'm just glad they didn't run the photo of him in his swimming trunks. I'm still not sure if I will ever be able to have sex again…

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 9:19 am

"Rick Santorum’s New Pitch To Voters: I Am Good At Some Sports"

Yeah — CATCHING!

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:52 am

And juggling balls

FROTHY March 29, 2012 at 10:04 am

Only with his chin.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 29, 2012 at 9:20 am

But he is not good at the basketball. We have had QUITE enough of "people who are good at basketball," if you know what I mean.

HippieEsq March 29, 2012 at 10:17 am

At his next campaign stop, Rick will bowl a white ball at black pins.

anniegetyerfun March 29, 2012 at 10:34 am

"Urban" sports don't count.

Baconzgood March 29, 2012 at 9:20 am

Can't go wrong on the interwebz with the kitties.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:52 am

Needs moar invisible bike

FROTHY March 29, 2012 at 9:21 am

Those childbearing hips ain't doing him no favours. Quit now, Ricky, before you embarrass yourself to deff.

LesBontemps March 29, 2012 at 9:29 am

Can't embarrass a man who has no shame.

prommie March 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

Its funny, isn't it, most fat men, even the ones with huge guts, still have little tiny asses and skinny legs. Its rare to see a man who is big in the hips like Santorum.

Then there is the Christie beast, which is a whole nother realm of things.

FROTHY March 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

VERY rare. Especially here in Ozland where all the men over 30 seem to have enormous beer bellies and stringy little legs.

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:33 pm

How else could they wear their 30-waist pants from high school, buckled *under* the gut?

DemmeFatale March 29, 2012 at 9:56 am

Ha, ha!
"Childbearing hips!"
Thumbs up for you!

FROTHY March 29, 2012 at 10:04 am

Thank you, but I stole it from someone else – Lizz Winstead, I think, who actually posts here as Barb. (Just kidding)

Barb March 29, 2012 at 9:21 am

“That became a little bit of a YouTube sensation because I was hitting the ball pretty good,”

Hitting the balls with his chin. He's more of a YouTubeSteak sensation.

James Michael Curley March 29, 2012 at 9:31 am

He's a Ball-chinian?

Barb March 29, 2012 at 9:33 am

Good morning, James!
Yes, Rick is.

James Michael Curley March 29, 2012 at 9:42 am

Good morning Barb,
I hope that lucky Jeffer and you had a great 'celebrate the end of recovery from surgery' celebration.

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 9:44 am

Maybe he meant Porntube?

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:52 am

Or YouPorn

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 9:55 am

Yeah…that sounds right. I'm not up to date on my Internet pornography distributors.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:01 am

Also, RedTube.

Not that I personally know, of course. I had to do a little research. For a friend.

Goonemeritus March 29, 2012 at 9:22 am

I only avidly follow luge, I find that being a fan of sports that have competitions more than every four years require a level of commitment I’m uncomfortable with .

BaldarTFlagass March 29, 2012 at 9:29 am

For those of us with adrenaline aversion, curling fits the bill.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:54 am

I actually like curling. It's like chess on ice.

OK, maybe hopscotch is more accurate, but still…

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:53 am

Santorum is a fan of lube.

Gleem McShineys March 29, 2012 at 2:23 pm

After all, his name is synonymous with "sliding down chutes"

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:34 pm

And loogies.

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 9:22 am

"I was hitting the ball pretty good"

You were hitting it WELL you fetus helper ignoramus!

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 9:33 am

I think that's intentional fake bad grammar, to go with the fake persona du jour of "Rick the regular guy everyone would enjoy having a beer with", who is definitely not "Rick the creepy weirdo with the face made for punching in".

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:55 am

I agree. After all, Rickie puts his pants on one leg at a time, and you can't hit a five run home run.

DaRooster March 29, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I call SCIENCE… of werds…

KennyFuckingPowers March 29, 2012 at 9:22 am

Beer Pong Champ. PSU '76

DaRooster March 29, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Just don't alude to the "Rooster" aspect and I will live through the weekend…

Thank you.

Baconzgood March 29, 2012 at 9:23 am

You know what Baconz can do? NOT EVER VOTE FOR YOU. No lie, I not ever voted for you a bunch of times.

AbandonHope March 29, 2012 at 9:42 am

Hell, I'm not ever voting for him right now!

Chichikovovich March 29, 2012 at 10:04 am

That was one of my regrets about moving from Pittsburgh. Not voting for Santorum just doesn't bring the same thrill when I'm not also voting for his opponent.

Baconzgood March 29, 2012 at 10:48 am

I'll not vote for him twice for you. He was a congressman in my sisters dist. She hated him.

Chichikovovich March 29, 2012 at 11:13 am

Hey thanks. That will give me a special tingle on primary day. Especially because, now that I think of it, I wasn't a citizen when I lived in Pittsburgh. So this is really, by proxy, the first time Santorum will have been, in my name, not voted for by voting against.I'll try not to get all weepy and embarrass myself when that day comes, but I make no promises.—

BaldarTFlagass March 29, 2012 at 9:23 am

I bet he sucks at frisbee/disc golf and hacky sack.

elviouslyqueer March 29, 2012 at 11:31 am

I bet he sucks at frisbee/disc golf and hacky sack.

Fixed. And I'll take that bet.

ManchuCandidate March 29, 2012 at 9:23 am

"Santorum speaks for me. You know I once scored four touchdowns in a single game."
-Al Bundy*

*real life Bundys… unlike the actor (Ed O'Neil) who played him who campaigned heavily for the Blah

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:57 am

I'd vote for Al Bundy over Rick Santorum

Mumbletypeg March 29, 2012 at 9:23 am

"Emperor" Santorum, maybe.
Seems like he gets off more on playing Umpire than anything else.

BaldarTFlagass March 29, 2012 at 9:25 am

RE: bowling, golf, softball. If you can drink alcohol while you participate, it's not a sport, it's an activity. Or maybe a hobby.

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

That may be the most astute thing I have ever read about sports.

prommie March 29, 2012 at 9:48 am

If you can drink alcohol while you participate, it is an option for me, otherwise, not. Don't forget hunting, and driving. And lawyer-shooting.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:58 am

Dude, I've drunk beer running marathons. You wanna tell me I'm not doing a sport?

Deportably_Jose March 29, 2012 at 9:59 am

Oh, so Rugby isn't a sport, all of a sudden?

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:02 am

Cricketers drink tea. I wonder how that fits in with Baldar's worldview.

Deportably_Jose March 29, 2012 at 10:35 am

Oh, we frequently had a sidline keg or several, for rugby. But the best, by far, was our coach of one year, who was basically a walking stereotype: he was a short, foul-mouthed briton, who mixed vodka martinis on the sideline during both practice and games, sexually harrassed the women's team and coaches, and regularly brought his mistress with him to games.

Kinda a godawful coach, but quite the character.

doloras March 29, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I'm from New Zealand. It's a RELIGION.

chicken_thief March 29, 2012 at 10:16 am

Generally, I agree with that Baldar and in fact have used the same line many times. But there are exceptions – Tommy Kramer in football, Bernard King in basketball. Big time drunks who played "sports".

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:33 am

Mickey Fucking Mantle

SteveMcCroskey March 29, 2012 at 9:25 am

Can he windsurf, or is that too french?

James Michael Curley March 29, 2012 at 9:26 am

Never has the term Turkey been more appropriately used.

BaldarTFlagass March 29, 2012 at 9:27 am

Needz moar "Now watch this drive."

ManchuCandidate March 29, 2012 at 9:28 am

I knew a guy who was a crap baseball pitcher
Back in high school
He could throw that gopherball to you
Make him look like a fool boy
Saw him campaigning at this roadside bar
I was walking in, he was talking out
I tried to leave, but he had a few drinks
And all he kept talking about was

Glory days well they'll pass you by
Glory days in the fantasies of Santorum's mind
Glory days, glory days

Grief_Lessons March 29, 2012 at 9:32 am

I was scrolling down to the bottom to add my Glory Days comment only to find that you beat me to it. But you also did it better than I would have, so I don't mind.

LesBontemps March 29, 2012 at 9:53 am
DerrickWildcat March 29, 2012 at 9:28 am

I'm pretty good at throwing dirt clods.

James Michael Curley March 29, 2012 at 9:37 am

I gave up golf when my divots were going farther then the ball.

BaldarTFlagass March 29, 2012 at 9:43 am

Careful. You can get your eye put out, in a dirtclod fight.

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Also, if a rogue tiddleywink richochets.

Lucidamente1 March 29, 2012 at 9:29 am

Since Obama threw a gutterball in a bowling alley in Altoona, Pa during the 2008 primaries, and since Santorum bowled much better than that, he therefore will be a better president. QED, bitches.

Deportably_Jose March 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Simpson/Lebowski 2012!

Baconzgood March 29, 2012 at 9:29 am

"YouTube sensation"

Man what a dweeb. Isn't like Snookie getting punched in the face a YouTube sensation too? And those Sarah Palin singers were a YouTube sensation too also. Not a very high bar to be a "YouTube sensation".

ManchuCandidate March 29, 2012 at 9:31 am

It's not like Santorum is going to be better than "LeRoy Jenkins" Unlike Ricky Poo, that LeRoy's got some talent.

Barb March 29, 2012 at 9:31 am

Honey badger don't care!

bureaucrap March 29, 2012 at 9:39 am

Almost as prestigious as "World's Best Grandpa".

Laissez_Queer March 29, 2012 at 9:30 am

I'd like to invite Ricky to the St. Louis Pridefest. Once he's spotted we'll see how "good" he sprints.

chicken_thief March 29, 2012 at 10:18 am

He'll be bent over "tying his shoe laces" forever.

chascates March 29, 2012 at 9:34 am

My circle of friends would be more impressed with him shooting dice or throwing knives.

skoalrebel March 29, 2012 at 9:34 am

Fuck all these faggy sports! [spit!] NASCAR is where it's at, libtards! [spit!] And that kitty on a bike pic just makes me wanna scream BALLS!

Baconzgood March 29, 2012 at 9:39 am

NASCAR: America's sport. It's loud, polluted, ads on everything, and it goes around in circles while you wait for somthing to crash.

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 9:41 am

Yes ads…especially the Tide and Viagra ads.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:04 am

The world's simplest spectator event: you put your car in gear and turn left. Even a redneck can understand that.

natoslug March 29, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Just once, they should throw the drivers a curveball and make them drive the course backwards, to see if they can figure out the right turn. Or would that confuse the fans too much?

bureaucrap March 29, 2012 at 9:34 am

"Let's talk about March Madness. Please don't bring up that your kids have worn through their last pair of jeans, that you've been out of work for three years or that your wife can't get treatment for her diabetes. I just don't care about that s**t."

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Stealing Mitt's lines, eh?

mavenmaven March 29, 2012 at 9:35 am

He's just a regular guy! A regular member of the he-man-woman-hater's club.

LesBontemps March 29, 2012 at 9:35 am

the video, viewed 22,000 times

18,000 times by Rick, twice by his wife and 3,998 times by Newt Gingrich saying "I can't believe I'm losing to that schmuck."

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:05 am

I'm sure he's passed it on to his 3 million Twitter followers

Chet Kincaid March 29, 2012 at 9:35 am

He doesn't mention blahsketball. If he played one-on-one with Barry O'Bomber, he would surely be Mosgoved:
http://doublegsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/

But then, he'd probably enjoy that.

Laissez_Queer March 29, 2012 at 9:37 am

White douches can't jump.

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 9:38 am

Why are the holes in the bowling ball all sticky?

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 9:42 am

ewwww, lol, urrp…lol urrp

Mumbletypeg March 29, 2012 at 10:14 am

Oh that was so wrong, tessiee. An unwelcome reminder that it's a well known fact — well-known, I say! — that fecal matter has been found to such a degree of buildup in those finger-holes at your typical bowling establishments? that for this reason among others I broke down and got my own. With custom drilled holes. (My game has not improved, however.)

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Hell, I'm grossed out on a plane ride when they want you to pay $3 extra for headphones (for a movie I have no interest in watching ANYway), that have god knows what kind of ear cheese on them from everybody else who used them.

metamarcisf March 29, 2012 at 9:39 am

Denver is looking for a backup Christian quarterback,

Barb March 29, 2012 at 9:46 am

In order to win the Superbowl, Denver sacrificed a virgin. Bye Tim!

LesBontemps March 29, 2012 at 9:39 am

Shorter Rick: "Hey, you guys! Pick me for your team! Pick me!"

YasserArraFeck March 29, 2012 at 9:40 am

Any sport where you get to play with big balls and insert your fingers into holes is A-OK with Rick

Baconzgood March 29, 2012 at 9:40 am

YouTube? Is that some sort of rip off of YouPorn?

Naked_Bunny March 29, 2012 at 9:46 am

Yes, but most of the nudity involves cats.

IncenseDebate March 29, 2012 at 9:40 am

You know who else liked balls in their hands every so often?

Naked_Bunny March 29, 2012 at 9:42 am

Everyone reading this, I'd imagine.

ManchuCandidate March 29, 2012 at 9:46 am

It's not Hitler. He only played with one ball.

FROTHY March 29, 2012 at 9:56 am

To the tune of Colonel Bogey's March.

Limeylizzie March 29, 2012 at 10:22 am

That's correct, Frothy, best line, that used to make me howl with laughter as a teen…"Himmler was very simmler, but poor old Goebbels had no balls at all."

horsedreamer_1 March 29, 2012 at 9:58 am

Jim Sorgi?

chicken_thief March 29, 2012 at 10:21 am

The MM's? Marilyn Monroe and Mary Magdelene?

elviouslyqueer March 29, 2012 at 10:34 am

Tim Tebow?

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:36 am

I'm touching mine right now!

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Drew Barrymore?

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Sheryl Crow?

ChernobylSoup March 29, 2012 at 9:40 am

You know what Obama can brag about? Being the President.

ManchuCandidate March 29, 2012 at 9:44 am

"Unlike Ricky Poo, I was great (I think I was the greatest unlike that fat fuck Babe Ruth who got all the fucking attention) at one sport. I could be Preznit because I'm still not as big an asshole as Santorum"
-Ty Cobb; noted racist, psychopath, killer, all round mega asshole

DCBloom March 29, 2012 at 9:45 am

Rick's a pimp. Check out the pink tie & lavendar suit.
You're welcome. http://mypict.me/index.php?id=336893890

MosesInvests March 29, 2012 at 9:50 am

Senator Velvet Jones!

elviouslyqueer March 29, 2012 at 10:34 am

And BANG, I'm gay.

Oh, wait.

stncmchnc March 29, 2012 at 11:37 am

Pimps up, Hoes down.

Guppy March 29, 2012 at 9:45 am

Now all he has to do is team up with some over-eager, purple-haired bit of jailbait and he can go on to save LazyTown!

Beetagger March 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

I'd like to whip a dodgeball at his head and make him cry.

starfanglednut March 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

Santorum riding a bike looks like such a pussy.

anniegetyerfun March 29, 2012 at 10:36 am

Puss riding libel! (I'm not sure if I did that right)

V572 Hogan Gidley March 29, 2012 at 9:48 am

Harry "Rabbit" Angstrom libel!

not that Dewey March 29, 2012 at 9:50 am

“You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We’re not gonna let you do that. Not on camera,” [Santorum] said.

Guppy March 29, 2012 at 9:58 am

"I'm insecure about my masculinity and so can you!"

clblabin March 29, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Yes, under President Santorum, blue balls will be mandatory for all.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 9:50 am

Gee, a Catlick from Pennsylvania knows how to bowl.

Film at eleven.

Why, I bet he's a Steelers fan, too.

Terry March 29, 2012 at 9:50 am

My Pennsylvania relatives continually point out that they threw this guy out of office by an 18% margin and wonder why anyone is taking him seriously.

Chet Kincaid March 29, 2012 at 9:52 am

After his campaign finally crashes, he'll be challenging Maria Sharapova to "The Battle Of The Sexes II," to prove that Man is the head of woman, just like Christ is the head of the Church and Priests are the head of altar boy.

She will of course break his ankles like twigs with a vicious backhand in 30 seconds.

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:37 am

Sharapova?

Fuck, Kournikova could whip his ass and she couldn't play for shit.

I wish she'd whip mine, in fact.

Chet Kincaid March 29, 2012 at 10:51 am

You are right, Kournikova would be more appropriate in this scenario. However, Sharapova's long, lean thighs were wrapped around my face in my imagination when I thought of this, so…

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 9:52 am

Emperor? Can't we just make him Kingpin?

OneYieldRegular March 29, 2012 at 9:53 am

It's not a YouTube "sensation" if you watch your own video 21,986 times.

DaRooster March 29, 2012 at 10:56 am

Hell if we could upfist ourselves endlessly, I would be the biggest hit ever… 'cuz I'm awesome… like Ricky.

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 9:53 am

I wonder how well he would be at dodgeball?

DaRooster March 29, 2012 at 10:47 am

I'm in… can we play with baseballs? Croquet balls?

Dashboard Buddha March 29, 2012 at 10:53 am

I was thinking cannonballs, but yeah, we can start small.—

chascates March 29, 2012 at 9:54 am

OJ Simpson is also good at sports.

stncmchnc March 29, 2012 at 11:43 am

But even better at finding the real killer.

JackDempsey1 March 29, 2012 at 9:56 am

How is he at America's game, shuffleboard?
Colored circles sliding across numbered triangles!!!
The thrill is positively Euclidean.

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:55 pm

That's a sport for old Italian guys on Sunday afternoons.
Rick is too young.
Also, the 80 year old guys at the park would kick his ass.

horsedreamer_1 March 29, 2012 at 10:00 am

Golf? While the economy struggles?

Is Ricky, as an Italian-Amerian, dark enough to be proscribed from the course?

jfruh March 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

Many moons ago I went to the Congressional Baseball Game with Pareene and got a picture of Santorum in a Pittsburgh Pirates uniform (they make all the Congresspeople wear the uniforms of their hometown teams, for humiliation). His droopy ass is showcased prominently. For the right price, I will not make this picture public.

elviouslyqueer March 29, 2012 at 10:36 am

Oh c'mon, Josh, post away. As a service to mankind, and all that shit.

joobajooba March 29, 2012 at 10:11 am

>>He has been telling crowds in Wisconsin that he hit a golf ball 270 yards out and it landed on a floating green in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, last month. <<

But Kim Jong-il got 11 holes in one his first time out.

chicken_thief March 29, 2012 at 10:29 am

Unless he did the 270 yr drive with an iron, meh. I know plenty of guys who can't break 110 who hit 300 yr drives.

Naked_Bunny March 29, 2012 at 10:27 am

I want to see his prowess at Catapult Bowling Dodgeball.

chicken_thief March 29, 2012 at 10:31 am

Anyone who launches the ball from three feet away from the foul line isn't much of a bowler, Ricky. Jes sayin….

anniegetyerfun March 29, 2012 at 10:35 am

Funny, I sort of imagined Rick as being really good at rollerblading. Well, not good, but prone to getting all the gear and spandex shorts and TRYING to be good.

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:57 pm

For making all of us picture Rick in spandex bike shorts, you must go sit in your time-out chair while the rest of us eat pizza and drink beer and go bowling (in that order).

anniegetyerfun March 29, 2012 at 5:03 pm
randcoolcatdaddy March 29, 2012 at 10:36 am

You have the wrong picture accompanying this story.
http://www.lva.virginia.gov/public/archivesmonth/

elviouslyqueer March 29, 2012 at 10:37 am

As for shooting, Mr. Santorum says he put 14 consecutive shots from a revolver on target at a gun range in Louisiana last week.

Dr. Freud? There's an overcompensation victim on Line One for you. Says it's an emergency.

DaRooster March 29, 2012 at 10:49 am

“That became a little bit of a YouTube sensation because I was hitting the ball pretty good,” Mr. Santorum said of the video, viewed 22,000 times.

So that's where his kids have been… clicking the YouTubes.

bellybones March 29, 2012 at 10:52 am

Not to be too geeky about this, but I call bullshit on the 270-yard tee shot. There is NO WAY a par 3 golf hole would be set at that length. None, Zero. I think most pros would have trouble holding a shot on a green that had traveled 270 yards.

Rayn_And March 29, 2012 at 10:53 am

Note to self: Add "Peaked In High School" to list of desired presidential characteristics.

DaRooster March 29, 2012 at 10:55 am

Uh Rick… so you can hit batting practice?
Grab your glove… I'm gonna hit you some grounders, go stand on the mound.

tessiee March 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm

That'll be the first mound he's seen in years.

DaRooster March 29, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Too many kids… don't tell about the artificial insemination….

Go JIZZ!! SWIM BABY SWIM!!

AddHomonym March 29, 2012 at 11:10 am

I've got it! Rick challenges Mitt to a small varmint shoot for all the delegateses! Hunting's a sport, right?

docterry6973 March 29, 2012 at 11:10 am

Obama 1 on 1 first to 15 or GTFO.

ChrisM2011 March 29, 2012 at 11:15 am

I also plays a mean game of Mario Kart….7 even!

larrykat March 29, 2012 at 11:21 am

Also a standout at pitching and catching.

Gopherit March 29, 2012 at 11:41 am

Hey, Rick! Did you know that Mittens knows people who own baseball teams? What I am trying to say is he can buy and sell you. You can't win, and we all hate you, but it's fun to watch you annoy him. Carry on.

kissawookiee March 29, 2012 at 12:27 pm

As for shooting, Mr. Santorum says he put 14 consecutive shots from a revolver on target at a gun range in Louisiana last week.

Ricky then moved from hitting the broad side of the barn to hitting a cow in the tit with a tin cup.

owhatever March 29, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Get him the GOP nomination and he and Barry can settle it all on the court in a one-on-one hoops game. Oh, heck, put Barry out there on his own against a team of all four Republicans and he'd whip their butts without breaking a sweat.

Lazy Media March 29, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Well, if coach woulda put Rick in fourth quarter, they’d have been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind. You better believe things had been different. He’d have gone pro in a heartbeat. He’d be making millions of dollars and living in a big ol’ mansion somewhere, soaking it up in a hot tub with his soul mate.

ttommyunger March 29, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Well, that certainly settles that! President Santorum it is! (convulses in laughter)

Slim_Pickins March 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Golf at an Idaho ski resort in February? Right. The shot may have skittered across the ice, if there was a shot.

Nowisallthereis March 29, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Oh Ricky. You are so mass queue line. I am all a-swoon.

sezme March 29, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Unless he get as many holes-in-one as Kim Jong Il, he's still a failure.

WonkCynic March 30, 2012 at 1:52 am

This dude is the reason I didn't bother voting at all during my five years living in PA.

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