an convenient truth

Al Gore: ‘Embarrassing’ ‘Shallow’ GOP Candidate Probably Rhymes With ‘Smick Smantorum’ (AUDIO!)

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That's the ticket.Aging dirty hippie Al Gore called into the new Bill Press show “Full Court Press” (get it?) on Current TV to point and laugh at all the stupid GOP candidates, and to say their debates are astonishingly shallow, and to aver that surely even the majority of Republicans are embarrassed by these Little Torquemadas who have managed to time travel from the 1800s before Nazis invented the PIll. (Pssst, Rick Santorum, we are pretty sure he is talking about you.) Why must Al Gore be such a pathological liar? Perhaps Rick Santorum would like to call bullshit on that!

Your Editrix may have accidentally voted for Nader (twice), and so feels she owes one or seven to Ol’ Al over there, and in fact began to really like him once he got all fat and sassy and grew that excellent Levon Helm beard. So anytime he wants to go on Bill Press or elsewhere and shit all over the GOP, she will happily link it here. That’s a promise to you, Al. A promise fer keepin’.

Gore_Bad_GOP_Candidates

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Barb

    I'm not going to pick on Al Gore. I feel sorry about his marriage suffering from "global cooling."

    • nounverb911

      After all he did invent the internet.
      This is what I get for not giving my full undivided attention to the Wonkette.

    • flamingpdog

      I'm just glad that with Tipper out of the picture, we don't have to put up with "global Coolio-ing".

  • hagajim

    The GOP candidates are only as shallow as the pool from which they were pulled.

    • boobookitteh

      A pool that needs a LOT more chlorine.

      • sewollef

        And come November, no doubt those messican pool cleaners will have been to clean out all the (s)cum stains.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      The La Brea Tar Pits?

      • Biff

        We now prefer Oil Sands, please!

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        Creation! 6,000 year old earth! Shut the fuck up with your stupid "tar babies" or whatever. For Jeebus!

    • BlackRhino

      Floating in the shallow end of the pool, I thought that was a Baby Ruth.

      Mr. Romney is that you floating in Santorum?

    • flamingpdog

      A pool that definitely needs some new genes.

    • nounverb911

      Cesspool.

    • chicken_thief

      What? Is that a call for Lou Sarah to come rescue the party?!!!

  • prommie

    Al Gore has no credibility ever since he tried to steal the election from Bush by getting more votes.

    • flamingpdog

      And next time around, without Tipper chastising teh popular music artists, Al will be able to focus more on the Supremes.

      • chicken_thief

        Cereally!!!

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Al Gore invented the Internet. Newt bought followers for it. And balls, of course.

  • edgydrifter

    Republicans have a special gland that instantly converts shame and embarrassment into bigotry and unfocused rage.

    • Naked_Bunny

      I try not to think about Republicans' glands, thanks.

  • Biff

    Al Gore needs to spring for some HiDef. His network has some good shit, but it's like listening to AM in an FM world.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe he can borrow some from Mark Cuban.

      • Biff

        As long as Joe Francis stays behind, then OK.

    • Negropolis

      It's one of the reasons why I can't watch my former gov, Jennifer Granholm. Here set looks like public access.

  • KennyFuckingPowers

    Clearly! Romney and Santorum have some kind of creepy bromance sack fondling thing going on.

    • chicken_thief

      I think it was the sweater vest that eventually won Mittens over.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Looks like Al has ♪♫ Pulled into Nazareth (PA, obvs), while Frothy went looking for a place to hid ♫♪

    • James Michael Curley

      Nazareth, PA, up the river from Bethlehem and ten miles down the road from nowhere.

      • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        Martin Guitar LIBEL!!!11!1one!1

        • James Michael Curley

          I think I posted this before. Winter ’71; me (6’/195Lbs) and Karl (6’3”/220Lbs) and a brand new Dreadnaught (D-?) in my 1948 MG-TC from Nazareth back to Pittsburgh. Being it was an old BritCar, it was a good thing that Martin gave Karl an extra set of strings, he was pissed – but a lot warmer and drier.

    • James Michael Curley

      Don't invite Santorum to take a load off Fanny, Please!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        When Chet Kincade weighs in on this thread, I get to be the one that says "Wait a minute, Chester, I'm a peaceful man."

  • Baconzgood

    Circuses need clowns Al. Duh?!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    So, going Gore is the new Going Galt?

  • SorosBot

    Yes, but see, Al Gore is fat, therefore global warming is just a conspiracy to [do something vaguely sinister]!

  • metamarcisf

    Al Green was a heck of a vice-president.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Levon Helm reference? Our Editrix is obviously a drunkard's dream, if I ever did see one.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      She watches her DVD of Coal Miner's Daughter every night.

  • RadioStalingrad

    He should have done this like TWELVE YEARS AGO!!

  • SorosBot

    But sorry, Al; the majority in the Republican party are not embarrassed by this, because any reasonable people who may have remained were all driven out by the crazed bigoted teabagger takeover and are now independents. The lunatics are running the asylum over there these days.

  • MissTaken

    Just think, in some parallel universe Gore got reelected in 04 and then Lieberman ran and won in 08. True, we avoided invading Iraq, but we still lost our dignity with President Droopey.

    • SorosBot

      Aaaaah! Please don't scare us like that.

      Although I imagine that in this alternate universe he won because he didn't pick the warmongering, corporate Koch-sucking, censoring old dumbass, and so didn't drive idealistic young fools (like, uh, myself) into voting Nader and helping elect Bush.

      • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

        Not to beat a horse that's so dead it's already pushed up daisies eaten by another horse, but you didn't help elect Bush by voting for Nader. Katherine Harris helped elect Bush BY CHEATING.

    • sullivanst

      Lieberman would, of course, have charged headfirst into Iran on January 20th…

  • Allmighty_Manos

    ‘Embarrassing’ ‘Shallow’. Of course that pretty much describes GOP base voters, so what do you expect?

  • Goonemeritus

    Embarrassment is a higher order brain function hence the Republican base can only approximate it by looking confused and muttering.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Your Editrix may have accidentally voted for Nader

    …would that be worse than voting for Bush in 2000? Talk about your instant buyer's remorse. I look at our very polar choices — not from a right-or-wrong perspective — from a "not Gore" view.

    I'm serial!

    • SorosBot

      To be fair, if she was living in California back then, that was a state that would never have gone for Bush no matter what (as was the case with Illinois, where I lived at the time) and so voting for Bush by way of Nader wouldn't have actually mattered. Now for people in states like Florida or Ohio the situation was a bit different.

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        To be altruistic, I still think that my one little lonely vote matters in this big election reality-ism thingie. Damn the electoral college, and the "Monty Hall Paradox" it still seems to feel like… because my vote counts, goddammit.

        So you just don't know how much pain I still feel from voting for Chimpy.

        • HistoriCat

          Bless your heart.

      • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

        It really wasn't any different in Florida or Ohio because Katherine Harris and Ken Blackwell already knew the result before anyone actually voted.

  • IncenseDebate

    Al grew a pair of balls.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Shorter Al Gore: Sack up, motherfuckers. Sack. Up.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Al Gore had a bunch of great, progressive, forward-thinking ideas — and he hid them all and tried to run like a Tennessee biddy and cold warrior who never had anything to do with Bill Clinton for the previous eight years. And if you're talking embarrassing, there's a particular on-stage smooch I'm still trying to forget about.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Cue Fleetwood Mac: "Don't … stop.. thinkin-about-their-kissin' " ♫

      Sorry.

    • prommie

      Cavorting with the DLC New Democrat fuckstick shitbag motherfucker Bill Clinton who gave us NAFTA and GLB and Goldman Sachs is the only blot on Al Gore's escutcheon and he was wise to pretend he didn't know Clinton, the man who destroyed the democratic party, and the US industrial base, and turned the country over to the finance industry. fuck him, Bill Clinton, and Cankles McSwampsow, his wife.

      • Negropolis

        You done gone an lost your damned mine. That's a grossly revisionist history about who initiate what during the 90's.

  • Come here a minute

    Al, they're still not as bad as George W. Bush. Think about it.

    • flamingpdog

      Give 'em time, give 'em time, my son.

      No, wait, DON'T, DON'T!!!!

    • SayItWithWookies

      They look a lot more harmless before you give 'em the keys — after that though, it's bomb Iran, burn the encyclopedia and nonstop prayer breakfasts.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Their campaigns may not be as bad as Bush actually was, but their campaigns are a lot more extremist than Bush's 2000 campaign was. So just imagine what happens if they get into the Oval Office and can stop pretending to be so "moderate".

  • Not_So_Much

    Will Frothy's rejoinder ignore the topic and focus on;

    a) the size of Al's house
    b) jettin' about on private polute-y jets or
    c) inventing the interwebz?

    • elviouslyqueer

      All of them, Tipper.

    • chicken_thief

      Frothy will reluctantly concede that he would be willing to be Al's veep if selected. Anything to help the nation. And get himself closer to the Oval Office.

  • Callyson

    Your Editrix…in fact began to really like him once he got all fat and sassy and grew that excellent Levon Helm beard.
    Well, he's available now, if you dig older dudes…

    • ttommyunger

      Older, fat, boring dudes.

  • DaRooster

    What does the ManBearPig have to say about this?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Oh, like the GOP candidates had a lot of "depth" in '00, '04, and '08?

  • AnAmericanInTO

    I'm reading Stephen King's latest brick, 11/22/63, about a time traveler trying to prevent the Kennedy assassination and man does it ever make me want to do my own little bit of traveling back to 2000 and make sure Gore makes it in the White House. There's such a domino effect that resulted from the one event, that I get depressed all over again every time I think about it.

    • PuckStopsHere

      Wait till you get to the end of 11/22/63 and get back to us then, k? No spoiler alerts, but I'm jess sayin…

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

      OT but I read that book in December. Really good but honestly about 500 pages of it are completely unnecessary. Perhaps if the time portal went back to early 1962 or something instead…

  • GortRay

    Mama always said "Santorum is as Santorum does."

  • sewollef

    I think it's called a sphincter…

    And with all the refried beans I ate last night my sphincter has been mighty active.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Plus kudos to him for rescuing Laurie David from a sexless marriage, even if it means having to hear all the time about not leaving his charger plugged into the wall. That must be fucking grating after a while, no matter how buff she must be from the spa.

    Just please god tell me he's not schtupping Rielle Hunter as well…

  • http://wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    Is "Current TV" that shitty channel between A&E and Spike TV that no one ever watches?

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Not any more, now that The Rotten Tomatoes Show is off the air. Oh, Ellen, how I miss your saucy bob.

  • flamingpdog

    My oldest son and I went to see Al on stage a few years ago when he was on tour pimping his second global warmification flic. I must say the guy had definitely removed the stick that had been up his ass previously. Much more relaxed and even funny.*

    *No snark.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      What is "Weird Al Yank-a-Stick", Alex?

  • BarackMyWorld

    I think there's probably a bumper sticker somewhere we could get that says "BLAME ME…I VOTED FOR NADER."

  • bagofmice

    Goddammit, this thread hit the 50 comment limit for auto expansions for replies. It's not like a greater threshold will generate more adviews because it's an ajax thing, the comment expansion.Seriously, while post activity has exploded, so has commentator activity, so a threshold of 50 for collapsing threads is far too low.

    • Biff

      It does make it more difficult to fap to read on my Android.

    • SheriffJoeBiden

      I might agree with this if I knew what the heck you were talking about.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Don't even get me started on trying to follow nested replies.

  • ThundercatHo

    Al forgot "murky, fetid and mosquito-infested".

  • prommie

    Our editrix better not have voted for Nader in Florida, for if she did, she has blood on her hands.

    • Steverino247

      I would have to agree with that comment. Also, bones, brains, burn scars and a helluva lot of pain medications.

  • Naked_Bunny

    “Full Court Press” (get it?)

    He hangs around the king and queen?

  • Geminisunmars

    In the Republican Party the shallow runs pretty deep.

  • An_Outhouse

    How many trees had to die to produce the elctricity to broadcast that segment of Current TV?

    How much did Gore's bank account expand in just thhe couple of minutes he spent talking to Bill Press?

  • Biff

    I would watch/listen to Bill Press if his show wasn't on at such an obscenely early hour.

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    Al Gore thinks the GOP sucks. Huh. In other news, farts are stinky!

    • An_Outhouse

      not mine

  • An_Outhouse

    Don't sweat the guilt , Editrix. More Democrats voted for Bush in Fla than anybody voted for the Green.

    • Negropolis

      Bah! You and your pesky facts.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    Sorry Becca, but "accidentally" voting for Nader (twice) is like "accidentally" banging your best friend's girlfriend (twice, also too).

  • WiscDad

    Just remember folks….If ol' Al hadn't invented the internet…we wouldn't be here today. Although there are probably more kids splashed all over keyboards than have been aborted in the last 30 years.

  • CthuNHu

    And New Hampshire.

  • ttommyunger

    I'm no smarter or better than anyfuckingbody. I've made monumental mistakes and made most of them on purpose, some with the worst of intentions. I've made a couple of bad choices with my vote: voted for Goldwater-thinking a crazy honest President would be better than a smart crooked one. Voted for George Wallace in the Georgia Primary for the same reason. There, I've admitted it. It wasn't easy. I'm not proud of it, but I have to tell you, if I'd been shit-silly enough to throw away a perfectly good vote on Nader, thereby helping in some small way to usher in that murderous cretin, Dubya; leading America into the most disastrous eight years in history….Don't think I'd admit that-to anybody, ever. Puts you in Bill Maher's league; and although he has lots of good points, he too voted for Nader, admits it; and I think he fucked Ann Coulter and admits that, too (shudders uncontrollably).

  • SorosBot

    As I stated elsewhere, I was in Illinois and would not have done so in a competitive state, in my self-defense. And I was only 24 and foolish.

    Don't judge me!

  • doloras

    "that murderous cretin, Dubya; leading America into the most disastrous eight years in history"…

    Worse than 1858-66?!? Wow.

  • DahBoner

    Levon wears his 5-to-4 war wound like a crown…