he sings! he acts! he theoretically vacuums!

Scott Brown’s ‘Strong-Willed’ Women Have Taught Him Many Things About Household Chores


Abdominal hero Scott Brown, who is fighting the good fight against a Democratic woman in Massachusetts over who is nicer to women, is now getting support from an unlikely ally, outgoing existential philosopher Olympia Snowe, who says that Brown is great and stuff. Brown knows how to balance on the slippery balance beam of centrism, apparently, and that is good enough for Olympia. Because she is a woman and likes him, he must be friendly towards women. But someone who supported the recently offed Blunt amendment, which “would have let employers or health insurers deny coverage for services they say violate their moral or religious beliefs, including birth control”? That is a woman fan? Hmm.

Elizabeth Warren’s response to the Blunt amendment, which ultimately failed, was that it “threatens women’s access to contraception, mammograms, even maternity care. It’s just plain wrong.” Olympia Snowe, who basically agreed with Warren, doesn’t care about that and still loves Scott’s firm torso, and says he is a “rarity” and “doesn’t pay lip service to bipartisanship.”

Brown’s response to Warren’s threats is that, well, but, he supports the Violence Against Women Act, BECAUSE WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULDN’T, LOOK AT THE NAME. But oh, ha, it turns out lots of people don’t like that act, especially in its most recent form, because it also supports serious consequences for violence against gay and transgendered people and illegal immigrants. Violence against those people should be legal, for such obvious reasons.

Democrats then responded to Brown by saying that Brown’s only saying he supports VAWA because it looks good on his résumé.

Brown responded that actually no, his mother was abused by a bunch of assholes when he was growing up, so be quiet.

Let us now turn to Scott Brown’s wife, Gail Huff, to find out how much Scott Brown actually likes women besides his mother.

Huff, introducing Brown at a strategic press conference the other day, says she wasn’t involved with Brown’s 2010 campaign because she had a JOB (she was a TV reporter), but now she quit the job to show people how much she likes her man. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t a firecracker, still, when it comes to conversation. Says AP:

Brown said he’s used to being surrounded by “strong-willed women” and Huff said the family, including Brown and the couple’s two daughters Ayla and Arianna, have open discussions around the kitchen table.

“Open discussions.” Scandalous. Says Huff:

The girls, now that they are 23 and 21, have very, very specific ideas about what they do and don’t believe and they chime in with a lot of great ideas, and it’s wonderful for both of us to be able to bounce things off of them because their generation sees things very differently.

Translation: the Brown family has heated food fights about how 3/4 of them plan to vote for Elizabeth Warren in November.

When asked to elaborate on the “lot of great ideas” and “wonderful” bouncing of “things,” Huff “declined to be more specific.” So the reporter asked, Well, what have you and you daughters taught Mr. Brown about the world?

How to cook. Yeah, how to cook, how to sew, how to clean.

: ) !!!! [AP via Fark]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville
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  1. Barb

    Scott Brown posed naked for Cosmo when he was in law school. Back then, GOP stood for Grand Old Package.

    1. sewollef

      And I'm thinking if he has twenty-something daughters, he's got himself an 'Old Package, Not-so Grand' these days.

      1. prommie

        Hey now, there is nothing wrong with older packages. Its a little-known fact, but they never stop growing. They are like a beaver's canine teeth, they continue to grow, and if not gradually worn down by constant use, they would grow enormous and kill us by starving the brain of blood.

  2. Biff

    I think Oly is perhaps a little smitten. Also, she needs to get laid. Been a widow too long…

  3. memzilla

    "… and it’s wonderful for both of us to be able to bounce things off of [our girls]…"

    And this is exactly why we need the bill you're voting against, you sanctimonious excuse for a f***stick.

  4. SorosBot

    "Yeah, how to cook, how to sew, how to clean."

    How to make 75% of what a man does for the same job, how to be called a slut if you ever enjoy yourself sexually, how to be told it's your fault for the way you dressed or for drinking if you're raped, how to have celibate old men tell you what you can do with your own body, how to be condescendingly talked down to by a large portion of men who assume you're stupid because you don't have a penis, …

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      When women do evolve penises, they will not need us. And will use their penises, as bludgeons, to crush the skulls of the male of the species. This, I predict.

      1. doloras

        Evolve? A woman can buy a good-quality, 10-inch penis at any number of reputable neighbourhood stores or websites.

  5. boobookitteh

    It's reassuring to know that the man voting to take away my reproductive freedoms knows his way around the kitchen.

  6. Chet Kincaid

    "Scott Brown knows how to make a lady feel special, Barack Obama!!" Snowe said, as the weathered old biddies she invited to the fundraiser wedged cash and checks into Brown's G-string.

  7. chicken_thief

    Scott supports the Violence Against Women Act, unless of course, they are wearing hoodies.

  8. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    rrrrRROWRrr! Olympia, the lesson from the sour grapes was cognitive dissonance… not "justified kvetching."

  9. ttommyunger

    This guy is one of those assholes who continually trots his wife and family out to prop up his family-value creds and then howls when somebody punches back in that direction. He's gotten by on his looks way too long. I sent Bernie Sanders money when he ran for the Senate and he will never represent me. I plan on doing the same for Warren. I would vote for her for any office from the top slot on down. Sheila Bair too (head of FDIC).

    1. Isyaignert

      I had a wonderful BLT for lunch today. Mmmmmm, bacon. I could be a vegetarian except for the bacon.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    See, Scott Brown isn't afraid of strong-willed women — he lets his wife and daughters have opinions on all sorts of things — like, for instance, one of his daughters has a very controversial opinion on the concept of footwear in the kitchen while pregnant.

  11. Not_So_Much

    If he isn't showcasing his hirsute 'Trail of Wonders', I can't imagine there is anything remotely interesting about him.

    1. widestanceromance

      Yet, with Brown, I only see it trailing up, not down, which corrupts the beauty that is a treasure trail.

  12. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Scott brown also usually responds to olympia's texts and even accepted her friend request on Facebook.

  13. savethispatient

    By definition, a Republican from Massachusetts would have to be a centrist, he is accountable to the left-leaning Massachusetts populace. So the argument Snowe actually is making is: vote for Brown, he's a Republican. If Brown were a centrist from South Carolina, her argument would have more credence.

  14. An_Outhouse

    Olympia can't help it if the only thing that gets her moist these days is Brown's Cosmo spread. When I point out that Anthony was willing to show her his Weiner, she replied IOKIYAR.

  15. el_donaldo

    Abdominal hero? Where's the standard Playgirl centerfold pic we use to discuss Scott Brown? You keeping it for yourself, there, Liz?

  16. DaRooster

    "…and it’s wonderful for both of us to be able to bounce things off of them because their generation sees things very differently."

    Hey, they're legal… bounce this off them…

  17. anniegetyerfun

    I'm just so glad that Olympia is getting out before her complete descent into blubbering madness becomes more obvious. The early stages of dementia are clear, but this is probably a smart time to withdraw from public life.

  18. hagajim

    First off, I read that as abominable, not abdominal so I thought this was about a snowman or something. Second, Olympia's hoochie mama has been dried up so long she probably thought the Blunt Amendment had something to do with those funny smelling cigs the kids today are all using.

  19. BarackMyWorld

    "I remember the desperation that my mom, my sister and I felt when we were confronted in the middle of the night with some of the very real challenges of stepfathers wanting to hurt us," he said.


  20. Eve8Apples

    Who is this "Gail Huff" broad and why doesn't she have her husband's last name so we know she is his property?

    And I think Scott Brown should shut the fuck-up and take off his pants again.

  21. DetectiveGrey

    My gut instinct whenever I hear anything involving Elizabeth Warren is to shout 'WARREN/FRANKEN 2016' as loudly as I can. It's very problematic at work.

  22. Eve8Apples

    The cartoon lady has a couple of extra outlets. Why isn't she charging her vibrator while she's making the all you can eat smorgasbord breakfast buffet?

    That is multitasking my friends.

  23. Laissez_Queer

    Scott Brown: one of few Rethugs I'd like to encounter in a wide stance, yet (probably) one least likely do to so.

  24. voodooeconomics

    I will bet he lifts the toilet cover. Not man enough to pee on covers and assume the deed. Be a Republican Scott.

  25. Catabite

    Strong-willed women making powerful men perform housework? I know somebody who does that, but she charges upwards of a hundred bucks an hour.

  26. valthemus

    "How to cook. Yeah, how to cook, how to sew, how to clean."

    Oh, those brave, conservative pioneer women! Boldly leading our nation into the 1890s!

Comments are closed.