and that's why dick cheney won't go to canada

Apparently You Can Get In Trouble For Helping CIA Run Torture Gulags Now

Enhanced detonationFather to Morning Joe cohost Mika Zbrezinzszkzy and Poland’s former intelligence chief Zbigniew Siemiatkowski has been charged with violating international law and “unlawfully depriving prisoners of their liberty” by helping the CIA to set up a “black site” Qaeda (and, of course, “Qaeda-accused” and “Qaeda-adjacent”) prison in Poland. This is excellent news for Dick Cheney!

So blah blah blah, torture torture torture, the CIA has sadz that “public controversies […] have broken out” since they’d totally promised all their other spy friends it would just be our little secret. Oopsie.

But human rights advocates have applauded the inquiries overseas into what they believe was torture and illegal detention.

Here, from The New York Times, is Mr. Adam Bodnar, of the Helsinki Foundation for Human Rights.

“I remember the lessons of constitutionality given by the Americans in the early ’90s, always saying to us, you have to create a new constitution and every action by state authorities must have limits. Poland has just learned this lesson well.”

That’s silly, why would we have done that? Everyone knows the only important parts of the Constitution are the Commerce Clause and the First Amendment, which says the government is oppressing you if it does not give you all its munneez. Duh. Everybody knows that. [NYT/MSNBC]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. bikerlaureate

      Also too the gubbmint has no munneez – except what it STOLE from hardworking patriotic Americans!!!!!1!!

  1. slithytoves

    As far as I'm concerned, the only important part of the Constitution is the 21st amendment. But then, my grandfather was a whiskey runner into Canada, and the other brewed in his basement. Me, I just drink.

  2. memzilla

    Hearing about Dick "Palpatine" Cheney cutting the line, denying a viable heart to thousands of other more deserving people — now, that's torture.

    1. LesBontemps

      I'm okay with it as long as it means he can now be tried for war crimes and subversion of the Constitution.

  3. ChernobylSoup

    Turns out letting the Polish build a "black site" wasn't such a good idea. They put it in the middle of the city commons, painted it yellow, and had a neon sign on top flashing "CIA!"

  4. ManchuCandidate

    Too bad that Johnny Cochran is dead as the Chewie Defense died with him. There's always the old fallback of the Sgt Schultz Defense: "I know nuthing! I see nuthing!"

    1. Barb

      I love this! The eaglettes are so wonderful.
      My doves, Missy and Mister came back yesterday. I don't know where they go for the winter. I hear Gitmo is a "nice tropical island"

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      In further aviation news, my chickens have learned to fly over my garden fence. Looks like they're going back into the porta-coop soon as planting season starts here.

      (also, mama eagle looks like she can't decide to smother or stomp her chicks to death.)

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Everybody knows that the Constitution states clearly -You have the right to AKs for standing your ground, freedom of speech means you can say things you made up – and then be pissed about being quoted, women do not exist, except for baby making, because, no privacy – AND that we all should be made to pray TO JESUS in EVERY public square ALWAYS. Otherwise, do what you want. ESPECIALLY in Poland.

  6. Tundra Grifter

    Sorry for being slow on the uptake, but what does Morning Joe's Mika have to do with this story? I know explaining a joke usually ruins it – I just don't get it.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            I'm surprised a big jazz fiend like you wouldn't recognize Moog licks from Herbie Hancock's Takin' Off.

          2. Lascauxcaveman

            I keep forgetting there's a whole branch of the Church of Jazz that forwards the doctrine of The Apostasy of Herbie.

            So, essentially, 70's disco sound effects, then.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        CK: I can always count on you to set me straight.

        For some crazy reason I was thinking the reference was more than just making fun of her name.

  7. SorosBot

    This is nice and all, but when are they going to get around to trying Dick and Bush for orchestrating the whole sick S&M escapades?

    1. johnnymeatworth

      I wept because I had no nipple clamps attached to car batteries until I met a man who had never waterboarded someone for information.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I'm sleepy too, but it has more to do with getting up a 3am to watch the Seattle Mariners open the MLB season in Tokyo this morning. (Yes, I'm a sick person.)

      The good news: Seattle is on pace to 162 wins this year and have the most wins this year in MLB! Ichiro is on pace to get 468 hits! The new kid Dustin Ackley is on pace to get a whopping 162 homers!

  8. prommie

    The Geneva Conventions are so passe'. Good old Condi Rice, she was the worst spinner and worst liar of them all. So incompetent on so many levels, try as she might, she couldn't even get being an evil liar right.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      You gotta think that it was incredibly hard for Condi though, after all that wrong headed liberal schooling about Russia – she had a LOOOOT to learn and keeping the right wing agenda with all its myriad talking points and revisionist history straight would be a bitch for ANYbody. Anyway, I gotta go to the gym, my stress is at an 8 (we got lawyers from the Hilton Corp on our asses cause we witnessed a drowning in one of their pools) – could you let me know if I am supposed to be way pissed about what's going on in SCOTUS-ville? I need to know if I should stop by the liquor store or pharmacy on the way home. Thanks love.

      1. sewollef

        The liquor store. The pharmacy will have a line out the door when SCOTUS constitutionalises the healthcare bill, with loose wimmin getting their stock of morning after pills the night before.

      2. prommie

        Well, if they uphold the law, they are upholding a sellout to the insurance industry, which means we are fucked, and you will need booze and pharmacueticals. And if they strike it down, we are fucked, and you will need booze and pharmaceuticals. Though if they strike it down, that would probably be the quicker way to an eventual single-payor system, which is good, but it will be decades, so thats bad, and you will need booze and pharmaceuticals. So, my darling, make those stops.

      1. prommie

        I remember her blatant, phumphering, outlandish lies when testifying, not under oath, about how the Bushies infatuation with "state sponsored terrorism" led them to ignore every one of the dozens of screaming warnings about Bin Laden and terrorism. Deer in headlights, Peter Principle exemplar, bullshit artist token that she was.

  9. Wile E. Quixote

    That’s silly, why would we have done that? Everyone knows the only important parts of the Constitution are the Commerce Clause and the First Amendment, which says the government is oppressing you if it does not give you all its munneez. Duh. Everybody knows that.

    Hey, you forgot the second amendment, and now I'm feeling threatened and am going to have to stand my ground and shoot you.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        Oh great, you mentioned the surveyor's marks. Now all of the librulz are going to get all mean and start blood-libeling us.

  10. Ruhe

    Okay, at the next C-Pac I want to see the "Founding Fathers" re-enactors debate the constitutionality of "black sites" in full costume and make-up. Does anyone whose ever actually read Payne or Jefferson think those guys would have been sanguine about this sort of shit? Yet I have no doubt that the teabagger thespians will be able to rationalize their way around to it somehow.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    I guess nobody told Mr. Adam Bodnar that certain laws and civil rights become "quaint" and can be ignored if, for instance, a little bird whispers to you that a third-world country is actually a secret nuclear, chemical and bioweapons powerhouse and its immensely strong army is about to get into boats and sail around Cape Horn, across the Atlantic and invade Florida and must be stopped at all costs, no questions asked.

    But then Poland has never known war and strife and invasion the way we did, lo 200 years ago.

          1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

            You're the first person to ever make a tie between Jack Palance and Sally Field. Or am I mixing up my Oscar histories now…?

  12. KennyFuckingPowers

    The Eastern Block is more depressing than watching the FOX drunk and on reds after speeding for a week. And stoned too. Trust me.

      1. dubyatf

        Sexy, from whence (I are a faint-zee talker) does Matt link to the McCargggle noise? I checked his RS blog. Was he guesting at Huffblow?

  13. Crank_Tango

    I have been playing this game with my GF's dog that we like to call "extraordinary rendition," whereby I throw a blanket over her head and tickle her until she gives up the sleeper cells.

    It's really not that bad and I don't know what all the fuss is about.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      You could just follow the dog until it's ready to take a nap. (Pro Tip: it'll turn around three times when it's ready)

  14. skoalrebel

    There's a black site down the road from my trailer. [spit!] So, you're tellin' me it's illegal for them darkies to be livin' here? I'd like that! [spit!] Protect my human rights!! No black sites!!

  15. chicken_thief

    If Daddy Zbrezinzszkzy gets sent to the hoosegow, can I have Mika as my sex slave until he pays his debt to society? She's kinda hot when she isn't talking….

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Did you know Knopfler doesn't use a guitar pick, but does put crazy glue on his fingertips to make them harder for finger picking?

          2. sullivanst

            Totally know about the no-pick, did not know about the crazy glue.

            Having now done my research on Private Dancer (musically it totally fits in with the rest of Love Over Gold), it's interesting to note that while they used the rest of DS for the instrumental tracks, Knopfler didn't appear, the guitar instead being played by the other British guitarist famous for mastery of volume swells and not using a pick – Jeff Beck.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    Remember the good old days, when the CIA was only concerned with toppling "dictators" and fucking with Robert Redford and Faye Dunaway? Those were the days!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I remember that movie, Three Days of Fucking With Faye Dunaway.

      Oh, wait, maybe that the porn version?

  17. donner_froh

    First Amendment, which says the government is oppressing you if it does not give you all its munneez

    Plus the Second Amendment which says you can have all the guns and ammunition you want so you can murder black kids in hoodies, because you are a white person in Amerikkka!

    1. Mean0ldWoman

      Mika's father is Zbigniew Brzezinski — a Polish American political scientist, geostrategist, and statesman who served as United States National Security Advisor to President Jimmy Carter from 1977 to 1981.

      Zbigniew Siemiątkowski (born October 8, 1957, in Ciechanów, Poland) is a Polish politician. He was Minister of Internal Affairs, 1996–97, and head of the Intelligence Agency. He was the one charged.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      Poland has been suffering from a vowel deficit since the Mongols invaded in 1381
      and took all of the vowels with them.

  18. thefrontpage

    By the way, the CIA has a great torture safe house in Amsterdam. The cover is only five bucks, and it's open to anyone 16 and over. The bar has a great list of drinks, the food is good, the prices are reasonable (try the Reuben and the matzo ball soup–they're great), and the torture is fun in the basement dungeon. You never know who you're going to see there! The torture is included in the cover charge. It's called "Spyz," and it's open seven days a week, 9 a.m. to 3 a.m.

    1. An_Outhouse

      I'm suspicious of any place that is closed for only 6 hours a day. That's hardly enough time for a good cleaning.

  19. donner_froh

    Helsinki Watch/Foundation is so last century. They get upset when anyone does anything–torture, mass slaughter, extra-judicial killing, organized kidnapping.

    Got to lighten up a bit guys.

  20. Callyson

    Everyone knows the only important parts of the Constitution are the Commerce Clause and the First Amendment
    Don’t let the NRA see that or we’ll get infested with trolls again…

  21. hagajim

    "constitutionality given by the Americans" Yeah – like we'd know anything about constitutionality….what is this, this constitution thingy?

  22. SorosBot

    Silly, those human rights and Constitutional rules of due process don't matter when you're dealing with Bad People, and defending Freedom.

  23. James Michael Curley

    Back in the 60's the CIA recruited many of us to identify and torture Queada operatives. We had to wander around the campus with a blank stare on our face and when we discovered a terrier we would point, open our mouths wide and scream in an ear piercing howl until the rest of us came over and did the same thing.

  24. Guppy

    So, after the disaster of the Bush administration, charges have been filed against a foreign national and a former member of a Democratic administration.

    I don't drink enough.

  25. Toomush_Infer

    So, is Mika miffed – I love it when she gets that eye-rolling, sidefaced huffiness, like an indignant housewife….

    1. Mean0ldWoman

      Zbigniew Siemiątkowski is not Mika's father. Zbigniew Brzezinski, former National Security advisor to President Jimmy Carter is Mika's dad. He appears frequently on Morning Joe. Zbigniew Siemaitkowski is the former head of Poland's Intelligence Agency.

    1. DahBoner

      Polish people were proud of my 'Don't Forget Poland' bumpersticker, but they did not understand the context…

  26. ttommyunger

    Constitution? We don' need no stinkin' Constitution! Now if you'll excuse me, I feel the need to call myself a "Neighborhood Watch" Captain, strap on my "Niner" and go find me a darky to shoot.

  27. Mean0ldWoman

    Please correct an EMBARRASSING mistake you have made. Zbigniew Siemiątkowski is NOT MIKA'S father. Zbigniew Brzezinski who was the United States National Security Advisor to President Jimmy Carter from 1977 to 1981 is Mika's father. He appears frequently on Morning Joe. Zbigniew Siemiątkowski is the former head of the Polish Intelligence Agency. He is the one charged in the CIA 'black site' case. Other sites are linking to your article and spreading a falsehood that I have now repeatedly tried to encourage you to correct. Surely, you do not want Wonkette to be slandering a former US diplomat and his daughter who are in no way connected to this arrest.

  28. Redrighthand

    A post from Becca without reference to lysistrata Or even Aristophanes in general. I'm stunned.

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