Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Today is a very special day: It is Everyone Hates Mitt Romney Day! Only 34 percent of respondents were able to find enough pity in their hearts to muster a weary “sure” (he does try so hard) when asked whether they liked Mittens, according to a new Washington Post-ABC poll. BUT Mittens is still beating “endless bloody bazillion dollar war in Afghanistan” by a solid 11-point margin, so there’s that. Another new poll, this one from Quinnipiac, puts him behind Barack Obama in the three swing states of Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida. Tell us what we are seeing here, pollsters: “The overall pattern is similar to his trajectory four years ago: As he became better known, his unfavorables shot up far more rapidly than his positive numbers.” Now, Is this because of his embarrassing inability to pander convincingly? Or is it more because, as Arlen Specter squeeled on the teevee today, “Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen?”

From WaPo:

In the new poll, 50 percent of all adults and 52 percent of registered voters express unfavorable opinions of Romney, both higher — although marginally — than Obama has received in Post-ABC polling as far back as late 2006.

However, the biggest difference between Romney and Obama is on the other side of the ledger: 53 percent of Americans hold favorable views of the president; for Romney, that number slides to 34 percent. Positive ratings of Obama steadily improved over the course of his fight for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination — something not evident in Romney’s ratings this time around, or last.

Mitt Romney will now treat each American voter to a solid gold dildo, to win back their love. Look for yours in the mail! {WaPo/Quinnipiac}

Game Of US America Elections: The Card Game - Back Us On Kickstarter
  • nounverb911

    How many people prefer Seamus the dog to Mitt?

    • boobookitteh

      Seamus shit all over Romney's car. He was a national treasure.

    • sullivanst

      All of them, Katie.

  • chicken_thief

    Is that a photo of Alfred E. Newman on his desk?!

    • nounverb911

      Alfred is sitting on the desk. (Didn't our Editrix work for Mad Magazine once?)

      • Crank_Tango

        Can you imagine the fauxtrage that would have ensued if Barry had deigned to place his black ass on the desk? Show some respect for the office!!!

  • Barb

    Mitt Romney will now treat each American voter to a solid gold dildo. Now I have something to go with my Swarovski crystal studded ben wa balls, thanks Mitt!

  • PuckStopsHere

    He damn well ought to buy us all a dildo inasmuch as he's going to be shoving it right up our asses if this country proves stupid enough to elect him.

  • memzilla

    So we can wish that Rmoney, Vulture Capitalist Supreme, will bankrupt himself in losing to Obama?

  • V572 Hogan Gidley

    Just saw Arlen ("I hates the ladiez, especially those with high melanin content") Specter pimping his book on MSNBC. What a disgusting creature. Nothing ever captured his true spirit better than the 2010 interview when, having been asked why he switched parties, he excreted, with unbearable condescension, the statement that makes everything he says, has said, and will say in the future, a lie: "Because I want to be re-eee-lect-ted."

    And he calls Romney a flip-flopper!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yeah, I much prefer that steadygoing, faithfully consistent Sen Toomey.

      [/rolls eyes]

      • V572 Hogan Gidley

        Granted, the outcome of that election was not the desired one. But it’s always instructive when politicians of any stripe appear without their protective coloration.

    • Toomush_Infer

      He said the "Spector vote" is still out on all those conservative SCOTI he helped emplace, and that Anita Hill, may not have been entirely honest in her testimony…old boy still has a hinge up his butt….

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "Arlen Specter squeeled on the teevee today, “Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen?”

    Sen. Specter is a major perv…and America needs him more than ever.

    • HippieEsq

      I think if you beat cancer that many times you ought be able to throw your perv card down with impugnity. At least that's what MY grandpa said as he let go of that nurse's buttcheek.

  • chicken_thief

    So real 'Murkinz love them some Muslin soshulis teleprompter reading father of two, count 'em – TWO blah kids more than they love a made-in-Utah Mittbot?! It's all the lame stream media's fault. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!

  • SorosBot

    “Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen?”

    Come on now, Arlen; most pornographic movie queens have a hell of a lot more dignity and integrity than Mittens does. They also work hard for a living and earn their money, which Romney has never done.

    • tcaalaw

      I was going to say, "Senator Specter, I know pornographic movie queens, I've touched myself while watching pornographic movie queens, and let me tell you, Governor Romney is no pornographic movie queen," but yours had more originality.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My vote is totally up for sale if anyone wants to buy it. Starting price is one new car elevator, but I'm willing to negotiate.

  • Sharkey

    Next time, could we be more specific about which porno queen? For the fap. Thanks.

  • CapnFatback

    What's not to like?

    Seriously, I mean it, you guys: what conviction does Romney hold for long enough in order to garner an unfavorability rating?

    • V572 Hogan Gidley

      The American Beach and Shower Footwear Association has given Romney their full endorsement.

  • noodlesalad

    But what is his favorability rating among car elevator lobbyists? Report the whole story, librul meedia!

  • HippieEsq

    "As he became better known, it was apparent to all that he is a miserable asshat with no redeeming qualities and funny underwear"

  • Chill-A-Sketch

    I'm sure that being on Leno last night didn't help either.

    • nounverb911

      Did they compare car elevators?

  • ManchuCandidate

    GOPer Project Manager "Gosh darn it. I mean we tweaked the emotion chip as much as we could. Hell.., er, heck we even changed the likeability mode from Sgt Feces Processor to Sheldon Cooper. That took years of programming. I don't know what more we can do!"
    Romney Campaign Manager: "The Rombot believes that ruling the US America is his destiny. If you can't make him more likeable then we're going to have to send you back to the Bachmann Campaign!"
    /look of horror/
    PM: "We'll double… no triple our efforts! We'll work 48 hours a day to make the Rombot into a human being!!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Sorry, the guy's a condescending prick. I don't like him.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Quinnipiac Poll. Quinnipiac. Quinnipiac.


    I just love that name. It sounds like a filthy, depraved sex act in some Eastern Seaboard Native American dialect.

  • SayItWithWookies

    People don't like Mitt because in their heart of hearts, they know if he got elected he would fire us all and outsource the country to Saipan.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I only hate Romney for his religion. Does that make me a hypocrite?

  • James Michael Curley

    “Mitt Romney has changed positions more often than a pornographic movie queen?” Since becoming a democrat, Uncle Arlen no longer remembers that good. old Republican bondage porn.

  • MissTaken

    Finally a GOP candidate offering up gold dildos instead of the usual drenching with a golden shower.

    • SorosBot

      That's just the tax cuts trickling down!

  • BarackMyWorld

    The favorability of Afghanistan could've been higher, but Mitt was actually one of the people polled and he kept trying to change his answer, so the pollster just gave up.

  • deanbooth

    Dear Penthouse/Forbes Forum,
    I never thought this would happen to me, but one day I was on my knees scrubbing the floor in front of the mail slot when…

  • SmutBoffin

    "Pornographic movie queen", eh? I need to confirm this.

    Does anyone know of any websites where you can see these "Pornographic movie queens"?

    • CthuNHu

      I believe the fine citizens at may be able to help you there.

  • bumfug

    Mitt may change positions like a porn star but I bet Nancy Reagan still gives better blow jobs.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I dunno – Mitt is good at sucking up, and I imagine that translates into simply sucking well, in general.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm confused. Is he gonna give us the golden dildos or just use them on us? Cause that will effect my level of excitement for this candidate.

    • Biff

      Golden dildos for some, tiny American flags for everyone else.

  • IncenseDebate

    Spector comment needz moar James Deen imagery.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey Republicans — remember "It's Morning in America?" Well it's 2am in America now, and time to hook up with the square drinking milk at the end of the bar before his chauffeur drags him home. And you think you can handle it, don't you? But just wait until morning when he doesn't leave and then wants to take you to breakfast and goes on about how he made John McCain mortgage his house back in 2008, and then in a couple of weeks you get a Book of Mormon in the mail. Have fun, y'all.

  • EloquentScience

    I live in the UK. Will I still get a dildo in the mail? Will it pass through security screenings? Will I have to pay customs? If so, what will it say on the declaration of contents?

    • James Michael Curley

      Public School Books

  • WiscDad

    Arlen Specter watches porn???? Shiiit…A cold beer and a hot piece of ass prolly kill that boy.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Meh. Wake me when poll results show how Rick Santorum stacks up against a Drano enema.

  • BlueStateLibel

    I'm actually pretty surprised Mitt beat out the war in Afghanistan for likeability.

  • CthuNHu

    Alt-text or GTFO.

  • prommie

    I am fresh out of the hydroponic stumbling foliage that I depend on for sanity, and I am finding it very difficult to masturbate to this post, or anything else.

  • EloquentScience

    True story from my mom in Pennsylvania:

    "There is an envelope for a 2012 presidential platform survey from the Republican committee. It says it is registered to the individual named and must be accounted for during tabulation. If you choose not to participate, you must return survey, signed. What should I do with it? It is in a bigger than normal envelope and kinda thick."

    Could this my golden dildo? She says it is thick.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    All that money spent and only 11 points more popular than a war in Afghanistan? It sounds bad until you remember he started 20 points back a year ago; tied with toenail fungus and Santorum-flavored slurpees.

  • savethispatient

    I love how the artist of that portrait really captured Mitt's discomfort, especially in his eyes. To keep his subject that out of ease through the sitting, the artist must have been peppering Romney with questions. And when I say peppering, I mean one or two slow-pitches.

    • James Michael Curley

      It's one of those paintings where the eyes are NEVER looking at you no matter where you are in the room.

  • Toomush_Infer

    The wifey, usually a model of decorum, went crazy over the news of Mitt's car elevator….maybe she just doesn't approve of the quality of the house ramp I built for her mother last year….

  • Toomush_Infer

    Also, that oil painting merely alludes to the large cob Mitt is sitting on…

  • Mumbletypeg

    R-money's the converse of, yet as elusive and confounding as, any misbegotten hero trying to ascend to supernatural heights. Every time UltraMannequin here tries to get back to ground-level assuming a more modest Hayata incarnation, the lingua franca barrier betrays him. Palin and McCain both groomed their electorate for woodsy, hands-on, medal-decorated and mooseburger-grease novelty and "real amurica." They're left now with weighing the merits of a stuffed shirt tucked into starched jeans boasting immeasurable wealth that his wife feigns aloofness about, while Mitt's gaffes take on superpower qualities themselves, lining themselves along the passageway of observers' foregone conclusions about everything that is out-of-touch about their candidate.

  • ttommyunger

    Hmmm. My vast law enforcement experience has tipped me off to the secret Gang
    Sign the Mittster is furtively signaling his peeps. It is the infamous "Haven't Got a Chance in Hell, But We'll Keep On Plugging" Gang.

  • anniegetyerfun

    But how is Mitt stacking up against raging herpes infections? I mean, if we're going to poll his favorability against… other stuff.

  • Smitros

    But how does Gingrich rate compared to strep throat, or Ron Paul vis-a-vis a stubbed toe?

  • owhatever

    Numbers make my head hurt.

  • Wonderthing

    But…but…Obama's black! And a negro. And his middle name is Hussein. And he probably wears a hoodie when no one's around to stand their ground.

  • OurDailyBread

    Comparing Mittens to a pornographic movie queen is like comparing rabies to apple strudel.

    Each and every pornographic movie queen has done more for America and its economy than the Bain Vulture Capitalist. He destroyed jobs, they give jobs.

  • DangerHelvetica

    How does he compare to the owner of a lonely heart?

    • doloras

      Much better than an owner of a broken heart.

      (YES are playing in my town on Sunday.)

  • anniegetyerfun

    It finally dawned on me why that portrait of Willard bugs me so much – he looks like the lovechild of himself and Richard Nixon in it. I can't believe he (or one of his corporations/people) paid someone money for that.

  • Abernathy

    The alt-text really captures what's inside Mittens.

  • fuflans

    PA: elected santorum and specter.


  • valthemus

    "A solid gold dildo"? Ouch! So Mittens is gonna screw us over and it's not even going to be comfortable? Please say it'll come with lube.

Previous articleAl Gore: 'Embarrassing' 'Shallow' GOP Candidate Probably Rhymes With 'Smick Smantorum' (AUDIO!)
Next articleScott Brown's 'Strong-Willed' Women Have Taught Him Many Things About Household Chores