FLOTUS FILES  3:55 pm March 28, 2012

FLOTUS Dangerously Suggests Possible Woman President in 100 Years

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you... Our dear First Lady Michelle Obama was out gardening yesterday, because what else is new? Normally, our FLOTUS just hangs out in her vegetable garden, looking pretty and planting things basically to stick it to a nation that has resorted to fashioning tex-mex laxative alternatives out of Doritos. She is always pushing that envelope, our FLOTUS! But yesterday’s garden experience was, refreshingly, not about vegetables and exercise. It was a 100th anniversary celebration of the cherry blossom trees that were given to the United States by longtime frenemies, the Japanese. (Although, considering Helen Taft was the one outside planting trees back in 1912, one could argue that this event was also a celebration of 100 years of obesity!) And of course, because she is Michelle Obama, our FLOTUS just had to say something SHOCKING during this otherwise boring commemorative event. Spoiler alert: she suggested that a woman could someday be president! Mon dieu.

Forget the cherry trees! Let’s explore, through the creative use of gardening language, our Michelle Obama’s statement about a “First Gentleman.”

First lady Michelle Obama today marked the 100th anniversary of the gift of the Japanese cherry blossoms in Washington, by planting a new tree along the Potomac River.

She also planted the idea that it could be a man holding the ceremonial shovel, 100 years from now.

“I hope that on that day, the first lady — or the first gentleman — of 2112 will also have the privilege of joining with our friends from Japan, and planting another tree which will bloom for yet another 100 years and beyond,” she said during a ceremony, before tossing some dirt over the roots of a 5-year-old sapling.

Yes, perhaps in 100 years (ish), women will stop having to worry about being burned at the stake for taking The Pill (or for just having female reproductive parts in general) and will have time for other pursuits, like the presidency. The future is bright! That’s what the cherry blossoms are telling us, anyway. [ABC]

 
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{ 83 comments }

nounverb911 March 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

2112? Who will Scott Brown get to cook for him then?

actor212 March 28, 2012 at 4:09 pm

He'll hire a teacher from Tennessee.

DaRooster March 28, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Yea!! We're havin' Messican!

Toomush_Infer March 28, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Because Olympia Snowe will not make it that far, right….?

Barb March 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Having a woman POTUS would be great! We'd only have to pay her half as much.

freakishlywrong March 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Well, current POTUS is only making 3/5'ths as much, right?

Edit. Fucking IPad.

Come here a minute March 28, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The cherries are blooming earlier and earlier, which might make one think that the Tidal Basin will surely drown them all by 2112. Happy Cherry Blossom Festival, everyone!

actor212 March 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm

True story: the Brooklyn Botanic Garden has its cherry festival in mid-April, cuz, you know, New York, north, colder than DC.

The cherry blossoms are already falling off the trees.

ChernobylSoup March 28, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Japanese cherry trees. They'll just grow tentacles and pull themselves to higher ground.

LagunaB March 28, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Like, Day of the Triffids.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 28, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Global Warming drowning Japanese cherry trees is God's revenge for the Cowardly Sneak Attack on Pearl Harbor!!!!!!!!

–some 15 year old on YouTube

actor212 March 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Boy, talk about ineffectual divine intervention….

Lascauxcaveman March 28, 2012 at 5:19 pm

God's in no big hurry. He's God, after all.

littlebigdaddy March 28, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Is she talking about Mizz Lindsey?

spends2much March 28, 2012 at 4:01 pm

"What an angry, America-hating woman. I demand an apology for that outrageous remark."

There, Newt, I wrote your response for ya!

Chill-A-Sketch March 28, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Ironically enough, Barry is the reason why we don't have a woman for a President.

Jus_Wonderin March 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I wanted Hilz, but I like Barry too.

Lascauxcaveman March 28, 2012 at 5:22 pm

This may sound sexist, but I like Hillary right where she is now.

It's good to have her rattling the diplomatic sabre at Iran, rather than actually being pressured by Rep congresscritters with tiny p's to bomb it.

arihaya March 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

you see this is the difference between Dems and GOP, most Dems who liked Hilz also liked Barry and the other way around

on the other hand, most Gopers that liked Santorum thinks that Mittens is a weird carpetbagging cultist who believed in wrong Jesus

GeneralLerong March 28, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Oh. Yeah. Hillary.

At first moment of panic, I thought you meant Obama kicked McCain's ass, thus we didn't have to worry about $arah "Bullseye" Palin poisoning the old fool and takin' over.

Baconzgood March 28, 2012 at 4:03 pm

PENIS LIBEL!!!!!

Doktor StrangeZoom March 28, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Why does she have to make everything about race the way she does?

actor212 March 28, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Silly FLOTUS…women are too slutty to be president! Just think, they'd roll over for any corporation who dangled a bit of cash in front of them….

IncenseDebate March 28, 2012 at 4:04 pm

It took a lot of balls for her to say that.

ManchuCandidate March 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm

"A woman preznit! What if she's on the rag and bleeds all over the Constitution and uses the bible as a tampon and starts a nukular wah cause of PMS????!??? Huh??!? Tell ME THAT LIEBRULS!!!!"

-Wingnutted

Baconzgood March 28, 2012 at 4:07 pm

"I heard their menstruation attracts bears"

-Matt Drudge-

Generation[redacted] March 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Do you want bears overrunning this once great nation?

Jus_Wonderin March 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Well, at least it might end that horrendous shitting in the woods behavior.

actor212 March 28, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Is the Pope back here in the States????

Doktor StrangeZoom March 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Go on up, you baldhead!

stncmchnc March 28, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Hmm. I guess bears aren't godless killing machines after all.

WVUer21 March 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Women preznit is SOSHULIZAM!!!!!!111!1!!!!1

LagunaB March 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

How about Native American? Karma.

anniegetyerfun March 28, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Funny, I think my 8th grade teacher actually made roughly the same argument during our Civics class back in 1990.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 28, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Well they say women shouldn't be the president
cause we go crazy from time to time
well push my button baby, here I come–I'm at high tide

Laurie Anderson, "Beautiful Red Dress"

SexySmurf March 28, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Maybe she was implying the President will be a gay dude?

nounverb911 March 28, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Lindsey or Marcus?

Doktor StrangeZoom March 28, 2012 at 4:26 pm

No, she was outlining her radical agenda to FORCE America to elect a gay preznit!!!!!

Mahousu March 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm

HELEN TAFT LIBEL!! While her husband was, uh, portly, she was reasonably hot. Plus, she was a "wet."

straighteight March 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I am just going to assume that means they had all the White House couch cushions covered in waterproof fabric.

Lascauxcaveman March 28, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I don't know what a 'wet' is, but I hope for her sake, she was a top.

Sharkey March 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm

"Now I have to go make Barack a sandwich."

freakishlywrong March 28, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Glances around
She is history's Greatest Monster.
The fuck is the asterix on this thing?

actor212 March 28, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Hit the "123" in the lower left, then just above that is another key with an #+= on it, tap that. Look where the 8 key should be

freakishlywrong March 28, 2012 at 4:28 pm

%****you.

actor212 March 28, 2012 at 4:41 pm

My pleasure, my friend.

coolhandnuke March 28, 2012 at 4:09 pm

In the album "2112" Rush clearly states, if you play it backwards, that by 2112, Canada will have invaded their neighbor to the south, and the POTOC will be Alan Thicke III.

Generation[redacted] March 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

If you play 2112 backwards you get the Left Behind movies?

actor212 March 29, 2012 at 10:44 am

Isn't 2112 backwards just, uh, 2112?

Actually, it's by Rush. Playing it backwards would probably make it infinitely better.

Canmon March 28, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I think she means that a president may be gay-married to another man. I mean, a woman president, come on!

SorosBot March 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Well there was William Rufus King, aka "Miss Nancy" and "Buchanan's wife".

YasserArraFeck March 28, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Not if the 'Tards have anything to do with it – the women'll be too busy in the kitchen making sammiches and dropping babies to worry their pretty little heads with man-business like politics.
2112, 1912, makes no difference

Sharkey March 28, 2012 at 4:14 pm

You hear that, Hillary??

mrblifil March 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

If we elect a lady she could be President of Google Searches.

Generation[redacted] March 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

WERE NOT READY!!!1!!

Sassomatic March 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Oh she thinks this will still be a country in 100 years. That's cute.

metamarcisf March 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

But the Clubhouse at Augusta National will still be "Men Only".

thebeatgoeson March 29, 2012 at 1:47 am
elgin_pelican March 28, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I hope Future Lady POTUS doesn't wear mom jeans, like, well, some presidents.

DaRooster March 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Like we're gonna survive 2012…

MissTaken March 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

By 2112 I better have a jet pack.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

By 2112 I better be compost.

SorosBot March 28, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Speak for yourself; we'll only be 136 by then and I for one expect a cure for aging before it's too late.

Doktor StrangeZoom March 28, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I suppose I should look on the bright side–I'd finally be within 60 years of paying off my student loan by then.

SoBeach March 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

"…we'll only be 136 by then and I for one expect a cure for aging before it's too late."

Remember what you thought about 36 year olds fifteen years ago? It's already too late for you.

Baconzgood March 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Guys, didn't we have that glass ceiling installed to keep these chicks heads out of the clouds? Am-I-right or am-I-right.

SoBeach March 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

A hundred years? Nah. Ms. Warren will be ready to run in 2020 when she's two years into her second senate term.

Lascauxcaveman March 28, 2012 at 5:31 pm

You're predicting Hillary will step aside after one term?

SoBeach March 28, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I have a feeling Hillary won't run in in 2016. My feelings are usually wrong.

Point taken.

Negropolis March 29, 2012 at 1:41 am

WIN

Jus_Wonderin March 28, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I can see a female as President. Heck, in the near future, when the mothership, hanging at the edges of our deepspace sensors, begin to drop the seedships we could have an alien female as our leader. This is not too far of a stretch, really. And, I bet they have like 4 or 5 boobs too.

CthuNHu March 28, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Thank you for the visionary insight, Newt.

proudgrampa March 28, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I, for one, would welcome our Amazon overlords (overladies?). Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher (ok, not such a great example) were WONderful leaders of our planet!

Negropolis March 29, 2012 at 1:42 am

Neither was Golda "There is no such thing as Palestinians" Meir, something she shares with Maggie "There is no such thing as society" Thatcher.

dubyatf March 28, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Anyone else find it ironic that she's planting a *cherry* tree while invoking the image of a female POTUS?
So many layers.
Uppity layer: she ain't lyin.'
Virginal layer: The only woman who could be elected president in the current political climate or that of the foreseeable future-Mary, mother of God
It only hurts for a minute layer: maybe this country WILL get its female president cherry popped in the next century.

SayItWithWookies March 28, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Yeah we'll elect a woman president someday — but not before she's obligated to watch an ultrasound of 150 million male egos being aborted.

Negropolis March 29, 2012 at 1:43 am

Another nominee for "Comment of the Week".

You listening, Editrix Rebecca?

Wile E. Quixote March 28, 2012 at 5:20 pm

But how is a woman going to run for president when she's holding an aspirin between her knees.

WiscDad March 28, 2012 at 5:22 pm

They gave us trees…we gave them the heat of 100,000 suns, twice. That's how the U.S. rolls.

ttommyunger March 28, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Michelle on top? Fap, fap, fap!!!

Negropolis March 29, 2012 at 1:28 am

A woman president? Why, before you'll know it, they'll be letting "the Blacks" in. Wait, what was that? Really? Oh, shit.

Negropolis March 29, 2012 at 1:32 am

Let me just say that I love how she just nonchalantly dropped that possibility in. Michelle the honey badger. Michelle don't give a shit if she ruffles a few feathers.

BTW, because of the freaky-warm weather we've had here in Michigan during the winter, the apple blossoms have all prematurely bloomed. It's going to suck to seem them gone so early. The government already changed their hardiness charts for the state because of climate change. Before you know it, we'll be defending against Kudzu.

DahBoner March 29, 2012 at 7:58 am

But in a hundred years, Hillary will be at least 130….

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