flotus files

FLOTUS Dangerously Suggests Possible Woman President in 100 Years

That's MRS. Flotus to you... Our dear First Lady Michelle Obama was out gardening yesterday, because what else is new? Normally, our FLOTUS just hangs out in her vegetable garden, looking pretty and planting things basically to stick it to a nation that has resorted to fashioning tex-mex laxative alternatives out of Doritos. She is always pushing that envelope, our FLOTUS! But yesterday’s garden experience was, refreshingly, not about vegetables and exercise. It was a 100th anniversary celebration of the cherry blossom trees that were given to the United States by longtime frenemies, the Japanese. (Although, considering Helen Taft was the one outside planting trees back in 1912, one could argue that this event was also a celebration of 100 years of obesity!) And of course, because she is Michelle Obama, our FLOTUS just had to say something SHOCKING during this otherwise boring commemorative event. Spoiler alert: she suggested that a woman could someday be president! Mon dieu.

Forget the cherry trees! Let’s explore, through the creative use of gardening language, our Michelle Obama’s statement about a “First Gentleman.”

First lady Michelle Obama today marked the 100th anniversary of the gift of the Japanese cherry blossoms in Washington, by planting a new tree along the Potomac River.

She also planted the idea that it could be a man holding the ceremonial shovel, 100 years from now.

“I hope that on that day, the first lady — or the first gentleman — of 2112 will also have the privilege of joining with our friends from Japan, and planting another tree which will bloom for yet another 100 years and beyond,” she said during a ceremony, before tossing some dirt over the roots of a 5-year-old sapling.

Yes, perhaps in 100 years (ish), women will stop having to worry about being burned at the stake for taking The Pill (or for just having female reproductive parts in general) and will have time for other pursuits, like the presidency. The future is bright! That’s what the cherry blossoms are telling us, anyway. [ABC]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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  1. Come here a minute

    The cherries are blooming earlier and earlier, which might make one think that the Tidal Basin will surely drown them all by 2112. Happy Cherry Blossom Festival, everyone!

    1. actor212

      True story: the Brooklyn Botanic Garden has its cherry festival in mid-April, cuz, you know, New York, north, colder than DC.

      The cherry blossoms are already falling off the trees.

    2. ChernobylSoup

      Japanese cherry trees. They'll just grow tentacles and pull themselves to higher ground.

      1. Doktor StrangeZoom

        Global Warming drowning Japanese cherry trees is God's revenge for the Cowardly Sneak Attack on Pearl Harbor!!!!!!!!

        –some 15 year old on YouTube

  2. spends2much

    "What an angry, America-hating woman. I demand an apology for that outrageous remark."

    There, Newt, I wrote your response for ya!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      This may sound sexist, but I like Hillary right where she is now.

      It's good to have her rattling the diplomatic sabre at Iran, rather than actually being pressured by Rep congresscritters with tiny p's to bomb it.

    2. arihaya

      you see this is the difference between Dems and GOP, most Dems who liked Hilz also liked Barry and the other way around

      on the other hand, most Gopers that liked Santorum thinks that Mittens is a weird carpetbagging cultist who believed in wrong Jesus

    3. GeneralLerong

      Oh. Yeah. Hillary.

      At first moment of panic, I thought you meant Obama kicked McCain's ass, thus we didn't have to worry about $arah "Bullseye" Palin poisoning the old fool and takin' over.

  3. actor212

    Silly FLOTUS…women are too slutty to be president! Just think, they'd roll over for any corporation who dangled a bit of cash in front of them….

  4. ManchuCandidate

    "A woman preznit! What if she's on the rag and bleeds all over the Constitution and uses the bible as a tampon and starts a nukular wah cause of PMS????!??? Huh??!? Tell ME THAT LIEBRULS!!!!"


    1. anniegetyerfun

      Funny, I think my 8th grade teacher actually made roughly the same argument during our Civics class back in 1990.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      No, she was outlining her radical agenda to FORCE America to elect a gay preznit!!!!!

    1. straighteight

      I am just going to assume that means they had all the White House couch cushions covered in waterproof fabric.

  5. freakishlywrong

    Glances around
    She is history's Greatest Monster.
    The fuck is the asterix on this thing?

  6. coolhandnuke

    In the album "2112" Rush clearly states, if you play it backwards, that by 2112, Canada will have invaded their neighbor to the south, and the POTOC will be Alan Thicke III.

  7. Canmon

    I think she means that a president may be gay-married to another man. I mean, a woman president, come on!

  8. YasserArraFeck

    Not if the 'Tards have anything to do with it – the women'll be too busy in the kitchen making sammiches and dropping babies to worry their pretty little heads with man-business like politics.
    2112, 1912, makes no difference

      1. SorosBot

        Speak for yourself; we'll only be 136 by then and I for one expect a cure for aging before it's too late.

        1. Doktor StrangeZoom

          I suppose I should look on the bright side–I'd finally be within 60 years of paying off my student loan by then.

        2. SoBeach

          "…we'll only be 136 by then and I for one expect a cure for aging before it's too late."

          Remember what you thought about 36 year olds fifteen years ago? It's already too late for you.

  9. Baconzgood

    Guys, didn't we have that glass ceiling installed to keep these chicks heads out of the clouds? Am-I-right or am-I-right.

  10. SoBeach

    A hundred years? Nah. Ms. Warren will be ready to run in 2020 when she's two years into her second senate term.

      1. SoBeach

        I have a feeling Hillary won't run in in 2016. My feelings are usually wrong.

        Point taken.

  11. Jus_Wonderin

    I can see a female as President. Heck, in the near future, when the mothership, hanging at the edges of our deepspace sensors, begin to drop the seedships we could have an alien female as our leader. This is not too far of a stretch, really. And, I bet they have like 4 or 5 boobs too.

  12. proudgrampa

    I, for one, would welcome our Amazon overlords (overladies?). Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher (ok, not such a great example) were WONderful leaders of our planet!

    1. Negropolis

      Neither was Golda "There is no such thing as Palestinians" Meir, something she shares with Maggie "There is no such thing as society" Thatcher.

  13. dubyatf

    Anyone else find it ironic that she's planting a *cherry* tree while invoking the image of a female POTUS?
    So many layers.
    Uppity layer: she ain't lyin.'
    Virginal layer: The only woman who could be elected president in the current political climate or that of the foreseeable future-Mary, mother of God
    It only hurts for a minute layer: maybe this country WILL get its female president cherry popped in the next century.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    Yeah we'll elect a woman president someday — but not before she's obligated to watch an ultrasound of 150 million male egos being aborted.

  15. Wile E. Quixote

    But how is a woman going to run for president when she's holding an aspirin between her knees.

  16. WiscDad

    They gave us trees…we gave them the heat of 100,000 suns, twice. That's how the U.S. rolls.

  17. Negropolis

    A woman president? Why, before you'll know it, they'll be letting "the Blacks" in. Wait, what was that? Really? Oh, shit.

  18. Negropolis

    Let me just say that I love how she just nonchalantly dropped that possibility in. Michelle the honey badger. Michelle don't give a shit if she ruffles a few feathers.

    BTW, because of the freaky-warm weather we've had here in Michigan during the winter, the apple blossoms have all prematurely bloomed. It's going to suck to seem them gone so early. The government already changed their hardiness charts for the state because of climate change. Before you know it, we'll be defending against Kudzu.

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