be ashamed be very ashamed

Wonkette Comment Of The Day: Balls Edition

You are all special!

What what? What’s this? Comment of the Day is back? Yes, because Wonkette operative “chascates” sent us hardly any tips today. Enjoy it while it lasts, because we are disinclined to honor implied promises like “of the day” except when it suits us/we are bored.

Nonetheless! The competition was fierce.

Would it be Donner_Froh? Donner_Froh

Or AnnieGetYerFun? anniegetyerfun

How about Doktor StrangeZoom?Doktor StrangeZoom


To what is today’s winner replying? This:

Blowjob. The word is “blowjob.” And scores of Old Hollywood has apparently had their tumescent, swollen cocks in her mouth, and apparently she was GREAT at it, which is the first good thing about Nancy Reagan we have ever heard.

Join us in congratulating MrsBiggTime, for this astoundingly disgusting piece of work: mrsbiggtime

You win nothing but our hearts.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


      1. Barb

        Thanks for the nookie! Oh, you said "noogie"
        I love what Rebecca did and I told her so in private.

    1. flamingpdog

      Mebbe you get something out of it by giving me a book report of all the blog posts today so I don't have to read them myself.

      1. Barb

        DaRooster, shhhh, don't tell Jeffer that I played Zuma's Revenge all day. I tossed a dryer sheet into the empty dryer and fired it up so that he would assume that I did chores today.

        1. DaRooster

          Equivalent to spreading sawdust around the driveway and gluing some pieces of wood together saying, "I got started on that counter top…"

          (nice stealthyness)

          1. Barb

            I replied to your post about Palin and Ronnie at the Eureka, CA college. Plain gave a speech in CA and said that Ronnie went to the CA no IL college, LOL!

      1. Barb

        Trampndowndirt, I followed you first! You're so sweet to me.
        We have tomorrow to make the comment of the day.

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          I am going to comment my brains out today. I need the affirmation!!! I will be back, I have to go sit in front of my mirror.

    2. Negropolis

      You can't win everything, Barb; don't get greedy. I wouldn't want to have to call you a Republican.

        1. BTWBFDIMHO

          Which third of Callista goes first? I'd say the one with the highest Tiffany's salvage value.

    3. George Spelvin

      Look, if Rebecca ever decides to have an award for "Comment of the Year", she's gonna have to call it the "Barb". And I'm hoping it will be a knitted replica of Miss Mookie (because I'm sorta perverse).

      1. Boojum

        Oh, I volunteered to give a knitted uterus to Saxby Chambliss and heard from the knitter! It will be ready in two days!

  1. straighteight

    Ahahaha. Holy shit, I'm sorry I missed that. I am never going to be able to hear that line without laughing. I mean, not that I didn't before.

          1. chascates

            Not sure, I have him as a connection on LinkedIn and he's listed as a paralegal. The old site is gone and isn't available at either.

            Wonkette is a like a combination of cult membership and military service. Many hear the call, some try it out, few make a long-term commitment. And there are casualties! In Shorts memory let us all take a drink/toke/whatever.

  2. Chichikovovich

    You win nothing but our hearts.

    I thought you had to be a 71-year old sociopath warmonger to get one of those.

  3. BarackMyWorld

    My favorite post today was on the thread "NOPD Suspends Racist Cop"…

    "Is that a hoodie?"

    But it wasn't balls related, so disqualification, I guess.

    1. smashedinhat

      I raise a beverage in your direction sir/madam while searching for my keys through a tear in my pocket.

  4. facehead

    YO BiggTime, I'm really happy for you, and ima let you finish, but StrangeZoom had one of the best comments of ALL DAY!! Of ALL DAY!

  5. imissopus

    Well, there is a certain nobility in the effort the rest of us have exerted to maintain the flow of snarky conversation, yes?

    HAHAHA, I'm kidding. The rest of us are total losers.

      1. GreatChristiano

        Fer reals, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't delete. Rebecca would never delete criticism–word.

        1. Guppy

          No, the little left-coaster would rather hold hands and talk about our feelings while trying to help us to understand why she is disappointed.

          1. GreatChristiano

            I'm pretty sure what you just said was girl talk because geez, that went right over my head.

          2. tessiee

            *Mr. Van Dreisen voice*
            Now Beavis and Butthead, let's talk about respecting the feelings of others, mmkay?

        1. Chichikovovich

          That's true. I suppose if I can use one to assign grades to problem sets, Her Divine Editrixishness can use it to select for deletion.—

    1. Steverino247

      True story: 71.75 MHz is the frequency for the audio channel for TV station Channel Four in Seattle. That frequency is also one used by military radios such as the AN/PRC-77, which enabled me and most of the rest of my fellow troopers to listen into Monday Night Football when it first came on. If one got close enough to the housing area with a powerful enough radio, one could replace the audio with "You're full of shit, Howard!" on televisions. Sometimes the "Password" was "Fuck!" also.

      1. Doktor StrangeZoom

        Something about this reminds me of Joe Haldeman's The Forever War, where the Army, in an attempt to be hip, replaces "Yes Sir" with "Fuck You." Sadly, its function as reinforcer of hierarchy remains, so the net effect is that cussin' is no longer any fun.

      1. tessiee

        Contestant: Well, I'm from [hometown], and I have 19 children.
        Groucho: 19 children! That's a big responsibility! How come you have so many children?
        Contestant: Well, I love my husband.
        Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar, but I take it out once in a while.

        1. Biff

          I never knew until right now that George Fenneman was an actual born-in-China commie bastard!


    "Balls!" said the Queen, "if I had 'em, I'd be King."
    "Nuts!" said the Prince, "I've got them, and *I'M* not King."
    "Crap!" said the King, and thirty thousand royal subjects …

    but you know the rest. Can I have a heart now?

        1. FROTHY

          I like that. Hopefully, I will be the next. (Recipient, that is. Mmm, boobies.)

          What was it Woody Allen said about bisexuals? Double your chance of a date on Saturday night?

      1. MosesInvests

        In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
        Complacently stroking his madam,
        And great was his mirth,
        For in all of the Earth
        There were only two balls, and he had 'em.

    1. Madam Killjoy

      And forty-thousand men crapped for in those days the King's word was law?? I know I'm close.

      My old man's version goes thusly:
      "Balls!" said the Queen, "If I had two, I'd be King."
      And the King laughed, not because he wanted to, but because he had two.

  7. elfgoldsackring

    I am appalled at some of the bad sportsmanship in these comments. That's just sour balls.

          1. flamingpdog

            After his second heart attack, Gallagher may have to downsize his act to smashing waterlemons.

  8. flamingpdog

    I just got back from spending all day in the field and haven't looked at any of the posts from earlier today. Am I allowed to comment on this post or do I have to go back and read all the old ones? Please tell me there are less than 14 of 'em today.

  9. Tundra Grifter

    What are the three biggest lies on Wonkette?

    "Hey – I posted that first!"

    "I never check my 'p'."


      1. Tundra Grifter

        Almost 40 replies is great.

        Having your reply get more thumbs up than my original post, not so much.

    1. Blueb4sunrise

      While maybe not top three yet….the ladies claiming they have big boobs is gaining ground.

      1. bumfug

        For internet posters the lie's more likely to be "I won't cum on my own sheets just thinking about getting a real blow job".

          1. C_R_Eature

            I know many things. I have no idea what this is, though. Hopefully, you just called me something horribly insulting so I can use the term later.

          2. FROTHY

            Actually, yes, it IS horribly insulting — if you happen to belong to that culture. It means "without shame." Ever read Rushdie?

          1. FROTHY

            I know. I was just playing stoopit in return. It's only dinnertime here, and I'm bored without my Wonkette playmates, besides.

            Hey, your P-ness is HUGE.

          2. FROTHY

            Because they're so tiny?

            Not me, dood. When I first came here I asked everybody whatthehell this P thing was and how it works. I still have no fucking idea, but mine seems to have grown despite all my obnoxious snipy comments, so whatevs. I'm always impressed when it grows, tho. I think Jukesgrrl is secretly upfisting us all night, or sumpn.

          1. FROTHY

            Jezus, dood, I watched that movie with a vet friend of mine who was in the Marines (2 tours, the eejit) after we blew our minds out on some good blotter. I don't think I'll EVAH be able to watch anything from it again, EVAH.

  10. KennyFuckingPowers

    A milestone is a milestone even if its just a time stamp for a new low.
    If the world is not living up to your expectations, its better to lower
    your expectations rather than repeatedly hammer your head against
    a brick wall!

  11. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Dude, I had no idea this was going to be a competition. I had to quit (got kicked off) my softball team after threatening to slap the umpire one too many times. Not that he didn't deserve it. His strike zone was about twice as wide as his fat ass.

    1. Negropolis

      "balls" just has that je ne sais quois that penis will never have. Penis is too anatomically correct, too scientific.

      MrsBiggtime FTW!

  12. chascates

    Sorry! I left the house early to pick up the 2 cats I left at the vet yesterday (spay & neuter), tried to find the small engine repair place (didn't, water pump for garden still down), picked up feed for the pigs, sheep, and dogs and then had to till several old garden beds. Caught some ducklings to sell to a neighbor, picked some peas, and then planted radish, cuke, and squash seeds.

    I'll try to not let this happen again and congrats to MrsBiggTime!

    1. elfgoldsackring

      I think I speak for everyone when I say we're getting a little bit tired of all the excuses, chascates.

    2. FlownOver

      Water pump? Whatever happened to the hose? or hauling water (remember – "Education Must Be Combined with Productive Labor" – Chairman Meow)?

  13. flamingpdog

    Tomorrow's "Comment of the Day" winner gets to be put in a crate so small they can't turn around.

      1. flamingpdog

        Hey, did you hear the news that Mitt Romney's installing an elevator just for his dogs in his newest house? The downside is that it doesn't stop on the way up until it gets to the roof.

      1. Rotundo_

        Oddly enough they get upset when you relieve yourself inside one, given the construction I would think that that was what they had in mind…

  14. Dashboard Buddha

    Some day…some day. A fellow can dream, can he not? Even if I do make it on the COTD, it will only be because I stand on the shoulders of giants.

  15. CivicHoliday

    I have never won one of these fancy wonk-snark competitions. I blame my toddler. And also the fact that I am a biologist, which statistically makes me at least 30% less funny than the general population. I over-compensate by having big boobs.

    1. Chichikovovich

      I know I speak for everyone when I say we absolutely need a "boobs of the day" competition as well. I'm surprised Wonkette has been able to survive this long without it.

    2. FakaktaSouth

      Hahahahaha holy shit that was straight up about Math. Not a Palin, but okay. I have big boobs too. It's better than being funny.

      eta – I got deleted trying to respond with why I couldn't take certain math classes. No go! I even spelled it out. We are NOT going to get into that shit AT ALL! I hear ya!

      1. George Spelvin

        What you're looking for is Analytical Geometry. Or possibly complex-number theory. Or go straight to four dimensions, which I suppose is quadronometry.

      2. CivicHoliday

        Big boobs aren't BETTER than being funny but they sure help. But the real deal is a woman who does her best to be an anti-Palin – relying on strengths OTHER than looks and one-liners to get you places.

      3. Wile E. Quixote

        I have big boobs too. It's better than being funny.

        And somewhere Newt Gingrich is crying and saying "But Callista, I have big boobs too. Why don't the voters like me?"

    3. Boojum

      I speak for everyone else when I say, do not worry about your lack of teh funny. I will gladly give you some of my p-ness if you let me play with your boobies.

        1. Boojum

          You may have MORE, but more to spare? I think not! Extremism in pursuit of boobies is no vice! I regret that I have but 100 p to give for your boobies! And other stuff, because boobies!

    4. C_R_Eature

      You're funnier than you think.

      The 30% value stems from a statistical sampling artifact:
      You were sampling the General population, who are 30% less likely to find Biological humor funny whereas 75% of the Biologist Population find it funny (with 25% of the Biologist Population having no sense of humor).

      This just points out the need for more Biologists on the Judging Committee (as long as they're 75 % – ers!).

      Oh, and Boobies!!1! are Always Good.

    5. Wile E. Quixote

      I over-compensate by having big boobs.

      OK, but what is Newt Gingrich overcompensating for with his tremendous man-juggage?

    1. DaRooster

      Since I no go to Reno until June… you can have my very special luck… for a couple of weeks…

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Probably Excalibur or one of the nearby places like Luxor or NYNY, that's where most of my amigos are gonna be hanging out. Maybe one of them will give me the govt rate if I flash my USAF ID. Annual three day sleaze-and-debauchery-thon with a bunch of friends out of Phoenix. Gotta do O'Shea's one last time before they close.

        1. Barb

          You MUST sign up for a Player's Club card. They will send you tons of comps if you do. If you have a Player's Club card do not be shy about asking for comps. E-mail them ahead of time and ask. Include your card number and hint that you are looking at more than one property to take your business. I was there 2 weeks ago and I made them pay for my room, my food, my drinks, my limo, etc.

          Check out the MLife website.

          1. RadioStalingrad

            At first, I thought you said the MiLF website……hey, just trying to win comment of the evening.

          2. BaldarTFlagass

            I'll have to look into that. Is it worth bothering with if you only go to Vegas once every year or two? I don't gamble that much, either.

          1. Barb

            I stayed at the Cosmopolitan and it is really nice. THE Hotel (Mandalay Bay) is great. Yes, the call it "THE" Hotel.

        2. smokefilledroommate

          Just got back from the Palms a month and a half ago– meh. Didn't really dig it; wasn't my scene. At all. After driving by the Cosmo (which looks like the friggin' Matrix) we decided next time that's where we're gonna stay!

          1. Barb

            Smoke, Google "chandelier bar las vegas" click "images" You're going to love seeing this in person. Too many great images to just narrow down one for you.

          2. Negropolis

            Palms is the for the MTV douchebag generation (mine, BTW). You'll only find it fun if your idea of fun is to wrangle a sexytime encounter with Paris Hilton or one of the Real World guys in a hot tub and/or get wasted on the rooftop bar.

  16. gullywompr

    Well, you know, MrsBiggTime gave just a fantastic performance, as did all of my fellow commenters , and I'm just so happy that she got it, she totally deserves this award. Everybody in today's crop of commenters were just wonderful, and I'm just so lucky to be able to comment here. It's truly an honor to be able to be here among the greatest commenters in the industry, and I congratulate MrsBiggTime and all the nominees.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Maybe it had some dirty sexy thoughts & has now been taking down for a spiritual cleansing.

    2. flamingpdog

      No snark, my ancient eyes could hardly read the blurry text when I had it at two-page-at-a time size, but when I blew it up (not literally, that was only in my dreams), I could only see half a page, and I couldn't move around in the page. I think their webmaster much still be using punch cards.

    3. smokefilledroommate

      Maybe they're updating the site with cute 'lil animated right-wing bastards in a comic strip created by some old guy with "the third" affixed to his name… The Conservateens !

      1. Rotundo_

        Mallard Fillmore and the Conservateens-The winger equivalent of Scooby Doo only they root out voter fraud and liberal "ghosts". That would be chamberpot fulla fun for the kiddos.

  17. MrsBiggTime

    Fellow Wonketteers, I am touched. And honored. And so honored I'm touching myself. Just last week Bristol was asking me what she could do to gain acceptance and love from the Wonkette community, so I gave her the best advice I could. I know how much you all love a happy ending.
    Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find my electric toothbrush.

    1. Biff

      Now, according to long-held Wonkette tradition, you must post a link to a pic of your tits. Or GTFO.

    2. memzilla

      Well done!

      Also, I find that the comment "Mrs. Gobblecocks, suck down my balls" is best married to the music of "Mr. Sandman." The first several seconds of the tune sound amazingly like a fap fest.

    3. Negropolis

      Fellow Wonketteers, I am touched. And honored. And so honored I'm touching myself.

      Even in winning you are giving. You should win "Comment of Tomorrow" for that one.

  18. Spurning Beer

    Naysayers and chinwaggers take note: outrageous libel and allusions to figurative lethal and sexual violence may be off the table, but hey, we have a new comedic device in circulation!

    Testicles! Gonads! Scrota!

    Exhort bad people to make oro-lingual contact with your junk! It's not quite rapish, and it's funny!

  19. C_R_Eature

    I wasn't even here.

    But that was fantastically, wonderfully disgusting, MrsBiggTime.
    Congratulations!You do this place proud.

  20. randcoolcatdaddy

    MrsBiggTime, I tip my hat to you. After that image is planted in your head, you cannot unsee.

  21. tessiee

    *adjusts tiara*
    *kisses both palms, blows kisses to all*
    *walks down runway with armload of red roses, doing queen wave with other hand*
    Thank you!
    Thank you all so much!
    I wondered whether I was going too far when I said that Nancy Reagan was a skeletor-looking bitch whose only nutrition came from swallowing jizz, but I had faith in all of you!
    I love you guys!

    Wait, what?
    I didn't win anything?
    *a la Eric Cartman*
    Screw you guys, I'm goin' home.

  22. RadioStalingrad

    Ever since I was banned, I've decided not to be funny.
    Nonetheless, congrats MrsBiggTime.

    1. Negropolis

      Never relinquish your snark; do not unilaterally disarm in that way. There are certain people I've given up on after my own banning, but never will I let them take my snark.

      1. RadioStalingrad

        Put it this way Barb, Negropolis and I had a bad night a few weeks ago. My favorite part of that Kafkesque experience is when Mr. Polis tried to communicate to you the gravity of the situation by changing his ID name to BarbHe'sNotKidding. Maybe you were enjoying Vegas? The great Jim Newell eventually restored our privileges, and speaking for myself, I have nothing but admiration for our übereditor as he showed forgiveness and tolerance in allowing us back — even going out of his way to re-instate my home IP address.
        All hail the new Wonketz.

  23. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Two guys were walking down the street and they came across a dog lying on the sidewalk licking his balls…

    First guy: "Jeez, I wish I could do that!”
    Second guy: “ You should probably see if he'll let you pet him first.”

  24. BarackMyWorld

    OT head-scratching:

    More than two-thirds of Americans disapprove of the way President Barack Obama is handling high gasoline prices, although most do not blame him for them, according to a Reuters/Ipsos online poll released on Tuesday…"Obama is getting heat for it but people aren't necessarily blaming him for it," said Chris Jackson, research director for Ipsos public affairs.

    Republicans have hit Obama particularly hard for his decision to block TransCanada Corp.'s Keystone XL Canada-to-Texas pipeline as a sign that his energy priorities are hurting America…In Oklahoma, he pledged to accelerate approval of the southern leg of the Keystone XL pipeline. Republicans immediately dismissed the campaign-style stop as a stunt, saying Obama does not have the authority to really jump start the project.


    1. Biff

      They need to listen to Bill-o's rant from 2008 regarding the president's ability to alter the price of fuel.

      1. BarackMyWorld

        They don't "blame" him, but they are mad at him about it…

        The Republicans are mad at him for blocking the pipeline, but when he says he's trying to get it going, they say he's not the one in charge of it…

        I DON'T GET IT.

        1. bikerlaureate

          Josh: 68 percent think we're giving too much in foreign aid and 59 percent think it should be cut.
          Will: You like that stat.
          Josh: I do.
          Will: Why?
          Josh: Because 9 percent think it's too high and shouldn't be cut!! Nine percent of the respondents couldn't fully get their arms around the question.

          1. BarackMyWorld

            I see your point, but the logic about the pipeline still makes me want to run into oncoming traffic. How can he be attacked for killing the pipeline, but also not taken seriously because the same critics don't think he can actually do anything about it…

          2. Geminisunmars

            As long as you are expecting logical, rational, consistent thought processes from the Amurrican Public, you will be in pain.

          3. BarackMyWorld

            "As long as you are expecting logical, rational, consistent thought processes from the Amurrican Public and Republican Party, you will be in pain."


    2. flamingpdog

      I also heard on the radio today that polling shows the majority of Americans think Obamacare is unConstitutional, but a majority of Americans want Obamacare to remain in effect. Now I admit I pretty much hit the math wall when I got to calculus, but it sure sounds like a majority of Americans hate our sacred, Jeebus-bestowed Constitution. And Bammers is the one who gets called a traitorous Kenyan soshulist?

  25. Fare la Volpe

    Maybe I'm just waaaaay too high for a Tuesday evening, but I have no idea what's going on.

    Now there are balls dangling in front of my face. The cat wants out.

    1. flamingpdog

      ♫ Teabag the cat,
      The wonderful, wonderful cat.
      Whenever he should feel the call,
      He reaches out with his bag of balls.
      Teabag the cat,
      The wonderful, wonderful cat.
      You'll barf so much your sides will ache.
      Your eyes will go rat-tat-a-tat,
      Watching Teabag the wonderful cat. ♫

  26. SayItWithWookies

    Way to go, MrsBiggTime — it's the ideal salute to a pathetic and meaningless show, itself the pinnacle of a president whose greatest talent was standing on the x and reciting his lines.

  27. owhatever

    In rtaliation for bing so mistratd by Wonttr godss Rbcca, I will no longr us the letter "e" in th rmaindr of my posts today.

    But congratulations to MrsBiggtim. Sh dsrvs th honor.

    1. iburl

      Oh no, he's getting divorced again?

      I think they were down to just Newt, Callista and the jerk in the Elephant suit driving the bus.

    2. imissopus

      Yeah, but he was also on TV today suggesting that the four remaining candidates have a primetime debate at the convention, perhaps in place of the keynote speech on opening night. Fucker still seems to think he can go to Tampa and impress about 800 delegates so much they will all switch to him.

  28. Mumbletypeg

    OT/ I just registered online for tomorrow's Jeopardy!® contestant app/ quiz/ audition?
    I cannot even spell the game's name without getting the 'a' and the 'o' mixed up, furthermore I can recall woefully little trivia, or at least not consistently. YEAH JEAPORDY, Bring It On!1.

    ETA: Congrats MsBiggTime on making TEH BIGG TIME, and with style~

      1. Mumbletypeg

        It's more like when I go to type it or when I'm texting someone. Inevitably I have to go back and swap vowels.
        Speaking of swapping vowels — I was just fixing to message you RS

        1. RadioStalingrad

          I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. Go ahead punky, make my night.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        trampn, that means a lot. I've enjoyed your site, hope it's not blogwhoring to say that on someone's behalf, anyways I mean what I say. [Blog-pimping, maybe].

    1. Barb

      Mumble, spelling doesn't count on the online version, trust me. I got picked, lol. Call me and Jeffer and I will take the quiz with you.

  29. Negropolis

    I'm partial to Annie's as a Michigander. With relatively low clearances, it is, indeed, difficult to drive two Cadillacs up a flight of stairs, side by side.

  30. littlebigdaddy

    OK, how's this for a hypothetical response to a story about Lindsey Graham:
    "Miss Lindsey has been putting on the pounds. I think she should stay away from the organ meats." Wokawoka.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Good turkey-gravy Jesus, there's no end to the pics in which Santorum looks dumb.
      In this one, he needs some brown splotches on his nose & thumb.

  31. DerrickWildcat

    I can't believe it. What will happen to the Ghost Hunters? My life will be changed forever. Please don't leave Grant. PLEASE!

        1. C_R_Eature

          Well they'll just have to take a number and get in line because the voices in my head come first!

          1. DerrickWildcat

            Well I hope they don't hire one of those International Ghost Hunters. They are terrible! The one chubby guy cries all the time. Ghost Hunters shouldn't cry on an investigation.

    1. flamingpdog

      The other day I was reading in my primary source of true facts and information (other than teh Wikipedia), "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader", that when the girls were screaming so loud at Beatles' concerts that nobody could hear the words, John Lennon would sing, "I wanna hold your gla-a-a-a-a-and".

      1. C_R_Eature

        Ha, that's good! It's also the version I sing if the song comes on the radio. I get looks, sometimes.

  32. flamingpdog

    OT, I got an e-mail this morning from soshulist film-maker Robert Greenwald, with the title line, "[pdog] Do You Want to Beat the Koch Brothers?", but sadly, there was no way to reply, "Yeah, With a Crowbar", even if you bought the DVD he was pimpin'.

    I've been spoiled by teh Wonkette.

  33. imissopus

    You're stoned. I was just here a few hours ago. Admittedly though, I do short drive-bys and there are a lot more posts to wade through then there used to be. Still the sentiment is greatly appreciated.

  34. SaintRond

    At times like these, why can't we just revisit some of Wonkettes' greatest hits?

    I nominate Orly Taitz's sex life. That was a really good one. The one where it was reported in court papers that she was "tighter and wetter than gals half her age."

    Peace… God bless…

    1. Mumbletypeg

      "At times like these, why can't we just revisit some of Wonkettes' greatest"

      You must have misread the Editresse's intro. She says she resurrected the CoD because she[they] got bored. You're alluding to what we do when *we* get bored…
      or I'll just speak for myself.

  35. dubyatf

    Congratulations on your rackognition, Missus!

    Hey, yawl, exsqueeze, please the O/T and also, I hope I'm not violating any rules BUT did you know that Starbucks is getting a huge amount of flak from yet another ironically named right wing org (the Nat'l Organ. For Marriage, which naturally brings to mind one Rick Santorum, the Big Dick Hetero Marriage poster goy) because Starbucks, which is a company I generally avoid like the plague/Fox news (synonyms) has come out in support of marriage equality. Supposably 10,000 NOMs have pledged to boycott Starbucks. Now, I don't believe for a minute that most of these creatures would wake up to anything more bracing than a hot cup of fugly and have therefore never breached the foyer of a single store belonging to the most ubiquitous frickin retail entity on the planet. So probly not a huge hit in economic terms. Still, it's the principle. You can sign a "giant Thank You card"
    at the following site (the goal is to reach 10 x more sigs than have been gathered by the Chromosome Impaired):

    1. Barb

      Dub, I hate Starbucks. You could easier jump start your colon by drinking straight turpentine.

      People travel for business and pleasure. Starbucks is pretty much your only choice when you are in an airport. Do you want to "make ploppies" before you get on that plane or wait until you get on that plane? I'd rather "make a stinky" at the airport I am leaving than to risk having to wait for the pilot give my colon permission.

      PETA hasn't made a dent in McDonald's, McNugget abusers they are. If I bite into a McNugget and find a feather, I just find another one to dunk and get over it. Nine out of ten is better odds than you have at any casino in Vegas.

      Life is short, the large intestine is large, hence the name. I take mine with a splash of cream, thank you!

      1. dubyatf

        Srsly, don't I know it. I always- but always-travel with my Bodum French press and muh coffee grinder. They're the first things I pack in my carry-on. Cream for me, too, please. With a bissel of cinnamon.
        Your rumination about parastalsis and the dilemma re: to plop or not to plop pre-flight reminded me of this (I'm going to read it again, now, and I ga-rohn-TEE something's gonna get wet. Either my cheeks or my Underoos. Please, you, too- read it and weep-or peep):

    2. dubyatf

      Heh. Originally the goal was to gather 100,000 signatures and they're almost at 300K.
      When you want something done with a flourish, you turn to teh gays, amirite?
      Suck down THOSE balls, NOMnuts.

  36. C_R_Eature

    I think it will be important, going forward, to try to eliminate some uncertainty in the Judging of our writings here. . I'm working up an analysis routine to properly quantify the relative Testicularity of future Wonkette posts.

    I am basing my equaitions on Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
    It goes in, it must come out

    I will keep you apprised of my progress.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      They'll need one of those to take the house he built for her apart, much less to mend her heart or to help him start to see a world apart from pain.

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